I thought you might like to know that after all my traumas of losing babies - then being turned down for adoption by Sharon Shoesmith-alikes - it rather looks as though at the end of June I will be spawning. Something of a surprise, and such a miracle I still can't really believe it.
Please cross your fingers, toes and any other prehensile appendage you possess that it's all OK. And come and tell me that I'll be a great mother.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Totally, totally awesome news, herbs. I'm so happy for you.
You'll be a great mum!
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
I'm fairly sure that this is going to put a smile on every TMOers face today. Congratulations herbs. Really, really happy for you - that's fantastic news.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
am over the moon to read this, herbs. Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
Fantastic news Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
AWESOME.
Posted by Carter (Member # 426) on :
Splendid news, herbs! Well implanted.
Top advice (by proxy) is get into maternity trousers as soon as you can, if you haven't already. Apparently it is folly to delay.
Also - enjoy!
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Now that's magic!
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
Marvellous news Herbs. Who said there was a Recession on, eh? And I wish you were my mum. Although that would probably be a bit too weird for either of us to handle, so probably best if you stick with your real babby for the time being.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
(According to Wikipedia, Paul Daniels is "17.4% toupé, the highest percentage of any British television personality.")
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
Oh wow herbs! That's the best news I've heard in ages. I'm absolutely delighted for you.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
Well I aints been paid, the weather outside is appalling, yet for hearing that I feel like its one hell of a beautiful day - congratulations!
Posted by Octavia (Member # 398) on :
Fantastic news herbs! Huge congratulations. Though I would like to counteract Carter's proxy advice and say you can wear your own jeans with a Belly Belt and a Band-O (both available on amazon)apparently forever. Though maternity skirts are to be recommended and there seems to be no getting away from the need for tops.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
AWESOME! Oh Herbs I am so delighted for you!
It has been so sad to think of all the horror you have been through. This is brilliant!
And it is Friday! Gosh I feel so cheery I may even do some work...
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
I am so thrilled for you Herbs. I have gone all Ready Brek Glow with rare and genuine glee. Congratulations. Absolutely fucking brilliant.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
I'd suggest Baby Meat 2010 but the Galactus Twins could destroy Cafe Boheme in a heart beat.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Ooh lordy, I've come over all weepy. It's the hormones, you know.
I still can't really believe it's all going to be alright, despite being 18 weeks, with no problems, and seeing him battering his tiny fists and feet against my womb on a scan two days ago. Have yet to have the big scan when they give you all sorts of risk factors and probabilities of problems and send you scurrying to google, but I'm trying to have faith.
I caved in and bought some maternity trousers last night, as couldn't stand being cut in half by usual trews, being held together with a hair hand, any longer. I don't know why I didn't wear them when not pregnant either. Comfiest things on earth.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Do you know if you're having a boy or a girl yet? Are you even interested in finding out now, or would you prefer a surprise?
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
I don't know yet, but have a strong feeling it's a boy. We do want to know - it makes it more real, I think. I think the fact that I've squeezed another human being out of my noo-noo will be enough of a surprise on the day...
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
Herbs, that's really wonderful news, and is making me smile like a loon! I'm absolutely convinced you'll be a wonderful mother.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: I don't know yet, but have a strong feeling it's a boy.
After my wife successfully predicted the gender of our four children prior to their births, I've learned never to scoff at a womans strong feeling. Congrats again...this is absolutely stunning news.
[ 23.01.2009, 09:34: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
I predicted/guessed the sex of the ones I lost, too, which turned out to be right. Though of course it's a 50:50 chance anyway.
Only told my work today, as only passed my probationary period last week! Went down surprisingly well, considering I promised I was in the job for the long haul, blah blah, but will now be going on maternity leave less than a year after I started the job...
Posted by Niffer (Member # 266) on :
Great news. Hope it all goes well.
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
ace - thats all i can say mwah xx !
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
CONGRATULATIONS HOIBS!!!
This is the best news I've heard in ages and I am beside myself with glee and delight for you. You will be an AWESOME and EXCELLENT mother, no doubt about it.
I'm totally up for Baby Meat 2010 and if your prediction is right, it'll be full of little boys. Unless Thorn & Octavia have a girl, of course.
I'm off to wipe the tears from my eyes and enjoy the warm gladness in my heart that this thread has given me. I'll keep popping back for updates so make sure you keep us posted.
Posted by missgolightly (Member # 34) on :
Major congratulations, I'm so pleased for you! You can also add my vote to the 'you're going to be a great mum' pile! Posted by Amy (Member # 11) on :
congrats herbs! That's wonderful news.
About this baby meat. Can we still come if we don't have lil ones? Lol. Maybe a BBQ or something would be better. You know, rather than a bar.
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
Happy news! Congratulations herbs. You'll do great.
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: I'd suggest Baby Meat 2010 but the Galactus Twins could destroy Cafe Boheme in a heart beat.
Joking aside, if we start planning now (pick a date, at least), this might actually happen.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Aces! Excellent news, herbs. I'm only posting this late cos' we've been out doing ante-natal things all day. If the Baby Meat happens we should do it at the Herne Tavern. It's a pub in Dulwich, full of families, nice food, nice beer but all the babies there are *****. The place needs some quality TMO DNA, and I'm sure you've got enough quality DNA for all of us.
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
wonderful news! yay!
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
I am absolutely delighted for you herbs. Really, really really. And you will be a bloody fantastic mother! GLEE all round!!! Posted by Samuelnorton (Member # 48) on :
That's wonderful news Herbs. Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
Excellent news Herbs, everything is crossed! Congratulations!!!
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
That's fabulous news, Herbs, I am absolutely delighted for you. Hurrah for spawning TMOers.
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
Oh wow, that's awesome! Congratulations Herbs.
Posted by Physic (Member # 195) on :
Congrats Herbs, I'm really glad to hear it's finally working out for you. Off to the pub in a moment to sit in front of a warm fire so I shall raise a pint in Herbs Jr's honour Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Thanks guyz! Chance McCoy (currently named after fiddle player at Seasick Steve's American Folk concert) seems to still be in situ, and I can even feel him/her bongo-ing away on my innards. It rules.
Got big scary scan on Wednesday, when they look for things the matter, so you can't uncross anything until after then, even if they are going numb and blue.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Only just read this, but I'm really happy for you that things are going well, Herbs. You deserve it.
Good luck for Wednesday Posted by Octavia (Member # 398) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: Got big scary scan on Wednesday, when they look for things the matter, so you can't uncross anything until after then, even if they are going numb and blue.
Good luck for tomorrow. Are you going to find out what flavour you're getting? We wanted to but the guy was busy telling me off for laughing at an inconvenient moment and getting annoyed with the placenta, so he didn't pay much attention to what was between its legs.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Ooh yes. Will make it all more real, I think. Though of course does increase the danger of unpleasant baby pink, or baby blue, clothing donations from well-meaning relatives. If you don't know (or say you don't... cunning) it's more likely to be a more acceptable cream.
When are you due? I'm terrified about the birth already. From what I can ascertain, giving birth in a large London hospital is akin to being cleft in twain on the Crimean battlefield.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
I've just bought a couple of these. Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:Originally posted by Octavia: getting annoyed with the placenta,
Octavia: You nourishing uterine organs, you think you’re such hot shit don’t you? "Ooh, look at me, I can feed a foetus!" Yeah, you should try my recipe for blue cheese dip, you veiny motherfucka. "Ooh, woop de do, I dispose of waste" So do fucking Haringey Council and look what they do to children: R to the I to the Mutherfuckin' Baby P. Well fuck you placenta, you make me sick! Maybe literally, who knows?
DR: Mrs Thron, I've told you three times what it is but you'd rather giggle, talk like cracker and rage at your organs. You'll just have to wait. Weirdo
And good luck Herbs. Everything crossed. All will be well.
Birth in a London is a bit like a Crimean Field hospital experience until just before the birth itself. When you're well and truly scared beyond belief they go all Beadle. With an "Only kidding!" and a flourish, they pull back a secret wall to reveal a bright white, hi-tech kubrikian superlab with laser guided sci-fi baby launching equipment and foxy anaesthetists.
[ 03.02.2009, 10:15: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Which hospital was Mrs Jones in? Was it Homerton? Please?
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
God no! I thought they closed down that dump years ago.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Have you considered a home birth, herbs?
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Actually the boys were born in the Whittington - in Archway or 'Highgate' depending on what kind of **** you are.
But they're all the same. The NHS can basically only afford like three good rooms. One is the room where the mule-hung doctors go to have sex with sex-starved nurses, one is the room for showing board members on inspection day and the other is the one you’ll be giving birth in.
They don't scrimp on the important bits. It will be one of the best rooms in the country in which to go through the hell of childbirth.
[ 03.02.2009, 10:44: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
Although Homerton is well and truly our catchment area we're well and truly NOT going to have our child there, plumping instead for the spanking new Royal London Midwive's 'Birthing Centre'.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: Have you considered a home birth, herbs?
I have. And still am. But as it's my first, and I won't know what I'm doing, it might be marginally less terrifying if I knew that I could be whipped in for a caesarean, or whatever, if necessary. Also, you get all the drugs in hospital, and even on the mean streets of E17 they're not that easy to come by.
McDirts... interesting. There's one of those birthing centre chaps in Edgware, too. The Royal London one is near the office, just in case I'm caught short.
[ 03.02.2009, 10:08: Message edited by: herbs ]
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
I've never really got the home birth thing. It sounds nice but if I were a woman (apart from, you know, doing stuff to myself at night) if the birth hit problems, I’d want to be near cutting edge medical equipment, not flagging down a cab in stretchy pants with a hyperventilating dula in tow and the laughter of everyday folk ringing in my ears.
But maybe that's because of our own experience.
[ 03.02.2009, 10:13: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: I've never really got the home birth thing. It sounds nice but if I were a woman (apart from, you know, doing stuff to myself at night) if the birth hit problems, I’d want to be near cutting edge medical equipment, not flagging down a cab in stretchy pants with a hyperventilating dula in tow and the laughter of everyday folk ringing in my ears.
But maybe that's because of our own experience.
We did a hospital birth with our first and it left a bad taste in my wife's mouth -- the so-called "professionals" ended up causing most of the difficulties we encountered. Home birth obviously isn't for everyone -- but I see no reason not to consider it if the pregnant woman in question is "low risk" and relatively healthy. The home births we had all went off without a hitch.
[ 03.02.2009, 10:21: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Of course you're completely right, ralph. It's horses for courses. I've heard more than one nightmare story about hospital births and I know of an unfortunate home birth that rapidly ended up as hospital birth after a high speed ambulance trip And I think that's the thing about baby shit. You'll get so much conflicting advice that you won't know what the hell to do.
[ 03.02.2009, 10:38: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Then, what do I know? I'm in charge of Biggie and Smalls today and they polished off half a tin of cat food while I typed that last post.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: I'm in charge of Biggie and Smalls today and they polished off half a tin of cat food while I typed that last post.
You should give them sachets as opposed to tins. There's less wastage that way.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: Of course you're completely right, ralph. It's horses for courses.
Ultimately I think it comes down to what the mother is most comfortable with. I wasn't too keen on the idea of a home birth with our second child, but she insisted she'd be more comfortable giving birth at home. All worked out I suppose.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
I might hire a really fierce doula to growl at any callow consultant who wants to take the baby out with a vacuum cleaner so he doesn't miss his slot on the golf course.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
I think also Ralph that in the states there's more unnecessary interference during the birth process by all manner of health care bods justifying the insurance premiums you've been shelling out. In the UK it's a much more natural experience - mud hut, no doctor, bottle of surgical spirit to swig on to numb the pain, that sort of thing.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
that's probably party true McDirts. The c-section rate in some parts of the US is 30%. 30%! WTF???
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
well, to keep that 'honeymoon' sensation the risks inherent with C-Section is a small price to pay.
For the man.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
oh McDirts. Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
what? Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
women are people too. and you sometimes have to consider their feelings. or at least pretend to.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: women are people too. and you sometimes have to consider their feelings. or at least pretend to.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
Good luck for tomorrow Herbs.
Birth centres are generally much nicer environments than hospitals although be aware that they mostly don't offer epidurals. If you're unsure about a home birth because you're worried about the possibility of complications, a birth centre or midwife led unit is a good 'halfway house' kind of option - you get a more homely and pleasant environment and if things do become complicated, they're located within or near to a hospital so transfer will be easy.
A doula would be great too - she could focus on your birth plan and what your wishes are and convey them stridently on your behalf as well as being an excellent source of support for you throughout the birth. Some of them continue to support you after the birth by visiting you at home to help with breast feeding or just to make endless cups of tea and sandwiches.....
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: Some of them continue to support you after the birth by visiting you at home to help with breast feeding or just to make endless cups of tea and sandwiches.....
I'd like one who did a bit of mini-cabbing and then gave us the money.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
I must admit, I've never known one of them help with breastfeeding. That sounds like great service.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
www.filthydoulas.com provide a visiting service for pater up to 10 weeks after the birth whilst the wife's 'repairing'.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Yo. Just back from scan, and everything is perfect. Heart great, brain super, all fingers and toes present and correct, and he's in possession of some parts! I was right - it's a boy. And he's lovely.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Congratulations! Have you decided on a name yet? Posted by Carter (Member # 426) on :
Fantastic result, H. Boys are best, officially.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
I thought maybe Roy. Or Kovacs. In answer to Ralph's 'name' question.
[ 04.02.2009, 07:56: Message edited by: herbs ]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Please name him Roy. You know it's the right thing to do.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
Terry. Call him Terry McCann, he'd never be short of Dorises or scrapes to get into.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Great news, herbs.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
If you have a name-my-baby competition on the internet you will probably get famous. Or in The Metro at the very least.
Worth thinking about.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Darth or Boba
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Shub-Niggurath.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
I don't know whether mine's a boy or a girl but at the moment names being mooted are - For Boy - Arthur Elvis Arthur Elvis Arthur Badger Arturo Vincent Seth Terrence Reginald
For Girl - Ines Margot Ines Loveday
I don't like Seth or Margot,, I don't mind Reg but am not keen on Reginald, I like Terry but not Terrence.
[ 04.02.2009, 10:07: Message edited by: McDirts ]
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
congrats on growing a healthy boy! tmox2 is very boy heavy, isn't it?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by McDirts: I don't know whether mine's a boy or a girl
If it's anything like it's father we may never know for sure.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
brilliant.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
no, observant.
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
I think The Fonz may become his new nom de womb.
McDirts - Margot was on my girls list, in homage to Margot Leadbetter, natch.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Congratulations to Fonzie Herbie and his Mum and Dad. Great news.
Start stockpiling cat food, Herbs. I can confirm it doesn't do them any obvious harm and, well, there's a recession on.
[ 04.02.2009, 12:10: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
Way Hay !! Great news.. So a boy huh, let's go with:
Eddison
Addison
Oren
Cooper
Darwyn
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: Start stockpiling cat food, Herbs. I can confirm it doesn't do them any obvious harm and, well, there's a recession on.
And it probably gives them a shiny coat and a wet nose.
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
Naming suggestion: too obvious?
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
That's excellent news, Herbs! I'm so pleased for you. Little boys are excellent. FACT.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cherry In Hove: And it probably gives them a shiny coat and a wet nose.
And a glistening cerise lipstick cock, barbed with a hundred tiny hooks which can be used as a vast mug tree for mini china mugs, a penile crampon for scaling Velcro mountains in the nude or a shoal pole for landing enough food for an entire village in a single haul.
You know the Chinese proverb: Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Give a man a barbed feline fishing rod dick and he'll eat like a shark all year round.
Right, Benwahsan?
Sainsbury's own rat, eel and tripe in cockle gravy seems to go down well.
Cat Food: you know it makes sense.
[ 05.02.2009, 03:30: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
ADVERTISMENT.
We fed one baby with Titania's own organic beetroot, alfalfa and kale capuccino of sheer goodness (Feed Baby Anything Cheaper and You'll Watch helplessly as She Dies of Rickets then be Shunned and Vilified by Your Peers for the rest of Your Sorry Life) and the other with Sainbury's budget hare, gruel and cod offal in horse jelly cat food (All a Growing Cat Needs, and Some Other Bits best not Mentioned) for 12 months.
By his first birthday the Titania baby looked down on its fellow man, walked with an eerie clicking sound and murdered guests all the way to Roman-World.
While the Cat food baby had grown to five times his rival's size and celebrated his first birthday with a trip to Mount Eyes in the Velcro Alps.
Give them Cat food, because they can't talk and they cost enough already.
[ 05.02.2009, 04:14: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
Will no one name their son "Jean-Baptiste"? I'm thinking of changing my own name to Jean-Baptiste just to prove how cool it is, since no one with babies will believe me.
Posted by Octavia (Member # 398) on :
Well done herbs and Fonzbert!
I'm going for hospital birth because I want latest medical equipment, registrars, drugs etc. And because of possible placenta praevia which may mean a Caesarean depending on my 32 week scan. Also especially having read a transcript last week of a woman giving birth accidentally in her house with only a 999 operator to help her. "Aaarrrrggggggghhhhhhh there's something really big between my legs" was particularly chilling.
Not bothering with antenatal classes though, as the only thing anyone says they're good for is meeting people who will want to share your babytalk conversations after the birth, and giving you the illusion that you have some sort of control over the whole process.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Ooh but I want both those things - people who won't be bored utterly stiff by my neurotic ramblings about shit, and a semblance of control over labour. That's the thing that scares me - being in the hands of other people, and not being able to make my own decisions, even if they are then ignored.
Though I'm under no illusions that I'll give birth, breathing deeply in the swan position on a birth mat woven from the pubes of my elders.
As for Herbie, we are planning to give him my surname (of which herbs is a derivation) as his middle name. So, it may stick!
Did you do the discreet thing, and find out the sex but not tell the whole world? And where's London, to share her words of wisdom of having a boy come out of her fanjo, and not in the usual way.
[ 05.02.2009, 06:05: Message edited by: herbs ]
Posted by Octavia (Member # 398) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: Ooh but I want both those things - people who won't be bored utterly stiff by my neurotic ramblings about shit, and a semblance of control over labour. That's the thing that scares me - being in the hands of other people, and not being able to make my own decisions, even if they are then ignored.
In that case the word seems to be to go with the NCT ones rather than the NHS ones. We don't know what Smudge is - the scan man was most unhelpful. S/he's due on 6th May, so I guess we find out then(ish)... What's your due date?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: That's the thing that scares me - being in the hands of other people, and not being able to make my own decisions, even if they are then ignored.
That's what mrs. ralph likes about home birth -- good, bad, or otherwise, she was in complete control of the process.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Due 28 June...
Fonzbert was sitting down, with his legs crossed, modestly hiding his area from the lady. For a while I thought it was going to remain a mystery, but she told me to get up and leap about, and he had indeed moved about enough. She got a shot from below and said 'there!'. It was only she pointed out one particular grey area from the others that we saw his manchap. Felt rather intrusive...
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Octavia: Also especially having read a transcript last week of a woman giving birth accidentally in her house with only a 999 operator to help her. "Aaarrrrggggggghhhhhhh there's something really big between my legs" was particularly chilling.
Jesus, that's no time for a 999 operator to be boasting about his manhood.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: That's excellent news, Herbs! I'm so pleased for you. Little boys are excellent. FACT.
Boys do seem to be standard TMO issue. I have to admit to a teensy bit of disappointment at him not being a girl, but I suspect it's because I like wooly tights and cord dresses. Tell me some fun boy stories... And how can I ensure he's a gay?
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Mine are currently rubbing food into each other's hair and then kissing the other's gunky head and saying "Mwah!"
Boys are ace.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Ralph, I've just had a call from Mairi in Scotland. She pronounced it diffrently to what I expected.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Well that's a picture of a Maori.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
but that's not my daughters name...so I'm still a bit confused by your post. It didn't make much sense really. Seems like a bit of a stretch to try and take a dig at me and my infant daughter. Slow day at the office?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Ralph,I'd take time out from ragnarok to take the piss out of you and your infant daughter.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Better hurry...won't be too long before she'll be big enough to take the piss out of you...
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I look forward to the day a butch, gigantic American with a beard comes to beat me up. I hope you can make it too. [/toksvig]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
ralphs daughter, in the not-too-distant future, meeting Mikey in a dark alley Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
Your daughter looks like a man in drag.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: And where's London, to share her words of wisdom of having a boy come out of her fanjo, and not in the usual way.
I'm only just catching up with TMO so I've only just seen this, but CONGRATULATIONS! That's so awesome, I'm really happy for you. As for having a boy, while it's true that girls' clothes are way nicer than boys' clothes (all that blue and grey! ugh!), the consolation is that you can think to yourself that here's your opportunity to help create a human male who is NOT A DICK. Also you can always just be really strict and say 'No blue clothes please, just red, black and green and other gender-neutral colours thanks Mother'. And you can direct them to, say, the baby clothes department of American Apparel, which does cute onesies and hoodies in minature versions in all kinds of non-traditional colours.
As for giving birth... I gave birth in Sweden with the help of three lovely midwives, one of whom was (gasp) a MAN but he was really nice too and frankly, once it gets going you don't really notice or care. That's the problem really - you can want control of your labour, and write the nicest birth plan there is, but once it gets going there is no control - you're just in World Of Pain, with the cognitive level of a racooon with its leg caught in a trap. You don't feel human any more, you're just this crazed thing, instinctive dumb animal, in the grip of terror and agony and breaking apart.
But then, I had to be induced because he was two weeks overdue, and inductions make the contractions be overwhelmingly fast and close together. Maybe it's different if you're not induced.
Next time, if there is a next time, I'm definitely doing it at home. The thing with home birth, from what I've read, is that if it looks dodgy you go to hospital anyway. And even at home you can get gas and air and pethedine, so you don't have to be completely drug-free. But then they say second births are easier as you know what's going to happen, whereas the first one is all HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS MAKE IT STOP, which is why you want to go to hospital for the fisrt one.
Anyway, congratulations again. And I'm so up for BabyMeat 2010 or whenever it is. Can we make it happen? It can't be any more nauseating than the CouplesMeat that Rick J engendered all those years ago.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Heyyy... thanks for the congrats. I'm now 23 weeks! And blooming. Feel really well, have pleasingly large belly - and absolutely massive norks - and can feel him indoors move about all over the shop.
As for clothes, in my fingering forays into shops, I'm already dismayed that as soon as they pop out of the womb, they seem to categorised into sickly pink 'daddy's princess', or sludgy blue 'I'm a right little shit', with their soft little arms being forced into scratchy army type stuff. What happened to wearing orange babygros until the age of three, like in my day. I have already discovered the delights of American Apparel, along with European sites like Nordic Kids. Still, at 3 in the morning, with one hand, any old horror will no doubt do. It's only going to get covered in shit anyway.
I'm not thinking about labour. The back portions of my books remain unthumbed. I'm signed up to the obligatory NCT classes, which don't start until May (he's due in June), so will think about it then. Something of a Hobsons choice between Homerton and Whipps Cross.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
Some of the best advice I got was not to focus too much on the labour / delivery part of things, as it'll soon be over and then you're into the OMG WE ACTUALLY HAVE A BABY part. I was really fixated on it but after 12 hours of agony it's done and you're onto the next bit. Also, I've probably got lots of baby clothes I can pass on to you if you want?
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
That's kind of the way I'm rolling. Any birth that leaves us both alive, and me continent, counts as a success in my book, and I can then get on with the 'Christ, what do I do now' aspect, rather than 'grieving for my inauthentic experience'. By all accounts it's the bit after the birth, when they leave you alone in a filthy bed and feed the baby cow's milk from a plastic cup down the corridor even though you want to breastfeed, that's the bit to worry about.
Oh! And yes please to baby clothes! He'll be the collest baby in the hood. My maternity pay is utterly shit, so I'm having to get everything second hand or, preferably, free. Sadly, I'm currently fixated on the most expensive pushchair on the market, so will have to steal one of those.
[ 02.03.2009, 06:39: Message edited by: herbs ]
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: By all accounts it's the bit after the birth, when they leave you alone in a filthy bed and feed the baby cow's milk from a plastic cup down the corridor even though you want to breastfeed, that's the bit to worry about.
Rooster and I had a similar experience to this with our first (they decided her blood sugar was 'borderline' and gave formula, despite her being a healthy 10 pounder), so with our second we assigned post-delivery roles. Essentially, I was to never allow the baby to leave my sight whenever they said she had to go to the nursery for tests or whatever. I also had to state and restate to each and every nurse that the baby 'is not to receive supplemental feeding under any circumstances'. It worked in the end, though it was more than a little annoying to know that if we had given directions in advance, the nurses or doctors on call would likely have disregarded our wishes as soon as we turned our backs.
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
Oh, and we should seriously consider picking a date (month even) for this 2010 kidmeat. Rooster and I have been talking for a while about a trip to see her relatives, and we could just as easily plan the trip around the date of said meet. Just a thought.
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: I'm not thinking about labour. The back portions of my books remain unthumbed. I'm signed up to the obligatory NCT classes, which don't start until May (he's due in June), so will think about it then. Something of a Hobsons choice between Homerton and Whipps Cross.
We never went to those classes. I felt plenty informed by the books and accounts on my mommy boards. I would suggest you read that chapter in April maybe, and the one other thing I could recommend you start doing in April is having daily orgasms (seriously, treat it like brushing your teeth...that religiously). I credit these for my body's unbelievable freakish 'ripening' ability.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by rooster: accounts on my mommy boards
Which mommy boards did you frequent, rooster? Mrs. ralph is involved in a handful of them...be kind of funny (to me of course, probably not to anyone else) if you two had crossed paths...
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
You need to stop stalking people ralph.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
You need to stop being mistaken for a girl, dude.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
I think we should have BabyMeat in the summer. August? Something like that.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
I am such a teh l8mer I hadn't seen this thread / news until now. Terrific, terrific news and so happy for you.
"Can't wait to meet you mummy"
[ 09.03.2009, 11:54: Message edited by: ben ]
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Bu...but I'm having a boy.
As for an August babymeat, the Herblet will still be v small. But hopefully entering the cute phase, rather than looking like Winston Churchill in a babygro. So, I'm game. Unless I've got a prolapse.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
Also, watch out for the 6 week BABY ACNE phase. Don't let anyone meet the baby for the first time then, or they will have the TEMERITY to believe that your first born is NOT the most delicious attractive yumnacious baby that ever did live. KILL THOSE PEOPLE. Apart from that, whenevs is good, 'specially after 3 months. BUT WE CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG HERBS. August! August!
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
BTW is BabyMeat 2010 going to actually be in 2009 because that would probably be best.
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
August might be a bit tricky for us though. Being that we'll be in the middle of a cross-country move and such. But airfares are absurdly cheap at the time being, so you never know.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Do parents outnumber non-parents on this forum yet? It must be getting pretty close.
Someone else should complete this list because I'm too busy:
Parents or soon to be so: Darryn+DO, Ralph+BM, Thorn+Octavia, Herbs, Jonesy, London, Ben...
Haven't got around to it yet: NWoD, Ringo, Physic, Waynster, Squeegy, Benway, Me...
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Ralph+BM
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cherry In Hove:
Which one are you again?
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
No thanks! Me
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
lovely Abby.
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
Shouldn't there also be a category Likely has children but doesn't know it ?
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
also mumdad = Sabian and Pie
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Which one are you again?
I'm fairly sure I'm childless.
[ 10.03.2009, 16:44: Message edited by: Cherry In Hove ]
Posted by Samuelnorton (Member # 48) on :
Well, congrats to all you baby-making people. Nearly all of my close friends are on the same train, but we have opted out.
My mother mentioned it recently, but I think I made my position clear in getting a two-seater sports car. Just for Nightowl and selfish me.
My brother's wife is pregnant so I think I am safe for now.
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
Come on Samuel, think of the possibilities Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
Oh come on, that's not realistic at all. Any modern parent would tell you that iron cross is an obvious choking hazard. Posted by Samuelnorton (Member # 48) on :
lol @ tilde & froopy...
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by Abby: No thanks! Me
Nor I, Horatio, nor I.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by Samuelnorton: I think I made my position clear in getting a two-seater sports car. Just for Nightowl and selfish me.
You definitely made the right decision there.
Sports cars > babies
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo:
quote:Originally posted by Samuelnorton: I think I made my position clear in getting a two-seater sports car. Just for Nightowl and selfish me.
You definitely made the right decision there.
Sports cars > babies
Having had both, I agree Ringo. I still have nightmares about the day I sold my crystal white MX5. Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Baby comparisons aside, surely owning a sports car is simply a practical alternative to running down the street screaming "I'm a massive wanker"?
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
It depends really on why you bought it and what kind of sports car it is. And MX5 for instance screams 'bender' rather than 'wanker' while a Porsche has '**** ' written all over it.
Plus I've deliberately removed some of the wankerishness from my car by fitting a hard top so the poser factor is reduced by an order of magnitude.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: Baby comparisons aside, surely owning a sports car is simply a practical alternative to running down the street screaming "I'm a massive wanker"?
The MX5 didn't have enough horsepower to be considered a 'sports car'. So I'll have to agree with Ringo -- I was merely a bender, not a wanker.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Sports cars > babies
Even fiestas beat babies.
Though not with sticks, I hasten to add.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
my kids eat fiestas for breakfast...
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: my kids eat fiestas for breakfast...
lol
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: Baby comparisons aside, surely owning a sports car is simply a practical alternative to running down the street screaming "I'm a massive wanker"?
Actually, it's worth bearing in mind that nothing screams bellend louder than a parent walking down the street with one of those baby carrier things strapped to them. Or parents dragging their screaming offspring around shops, or to restaurants, or the movie theatre.
Parents are definitely the biggest douches going.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Parents are definitely the biggest douches going.
Do your landlords know about this?
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
Touché
Posted by Octavia (Member # 398) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: nothing screams bellend louder than a parent walking down the street with one of those baby carrier things strapped to them.
Given that you're legally not permitted to leave babies at home alone, surely strapped-on is better than occupying-the-whole-pavement-with-gigantic-metal-framed-baby-4x4?
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Oh for definite. Those kamikaze women in shopping centres who use their kids in prams as a battering ram and will literally mow down anyonw who won't yeild.
But still, it's not cool. There's a woman who works in the local shop here and it seems she can't get a babysitter and is allowed to man the till with a baby strapped to her chest. Strapped to her chest and facing forwards. It's like being served by Kuato.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
God. What a selfish idiot. She should totally sit at home and get handouts from the government rather than going to work.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Now you're talking sense.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
TMO really does like its cornershop transactions to stay well within predefined boundaries, doesn't it? I remember when people were arguing that Muslim women should have to stay at home because buying a Twix off a woman in a veil was too frightening.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Well, come on, is nothing sacred?
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
Ringo, you really are naive aren't you? You think that baby's there for any other purpose than armour against criminals armed with knives looking to steal from the till?
[ 17.03.2009, 10:22: Message edited by: McDirts ]
Posted by Octavia (Member # 398) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: But still, it's not cool.
Define 'cool' in this context? I think it's pretty cool of the management to let her bring her kid to work, in the sense of refusing to be bound by convention. Presumably it's not screaming defiance at customers.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
If a few more Mums stayed home with their kids, where they belong, there might be a bit less crime on our streets...
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
Or took them to work, that would probably work too.
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
Mind you, my mum took me to do some work experience in a electrical good store and I left the glass display unit unlocked and someone made off with a state of the art CD walkman, so maybe not...
Posted by Samuelnorton (Member # 48) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Actually, it's worth bearing in mind that nothing screams bellend louder than a parent walking down the street with one of those baby carrier things strapped to them. Or parents dragging their screaming offspring around shops, or to restaurants, or the movie theatre
Or people in MPVs with a "Little Princess on Board" sign attached to the rear windscreen. Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Oh christ yeah, any signage on the car whcih lets other people know that the owners have procreated. Ugh. Sickening.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
But the sign informing there is a baby on board is quite handy in case of a car crash as people might not necessarily notice a baby if the car has crashed and is on fire, but if the sign is there it may give them cause to look.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
The worst one I ever saw was a pink and white one which read "For my baby's sake, keep your distance"
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
Yes, those ones are ridiculous. I don't think people make the decision not to rear-end another car based on the average age of the occupants.
However, I can see the point of Baby on board ones, although people never remove them when there isn't a baby on board, which makes them mildly pointless.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
It's not particularly graceful of Ringo to swagger on to herbs's baby thread and say "I think babies should be ignored in blazing cars, I really do. That's what I think. I think people who try and prevent that from happening are bell-ends".
I think we can all agree on 'Show Dogs in Transit' though.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cherry In Hove: However, I can see the point of Baby on board ones, although people never remove them when there isn't a baby on board, which makes them mildly pointless.
Also, it's not the law to use them, so hopefully the fire brigade don't look at a blazing car in a ditch and go, "Nah, can't see any 'Little Princess On Board' signs. Fancy a cuppa while it burns itself out?"
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Well, egg on your face because that's actually SOP for fire brigades.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: Well, egg on your face because that's actually SOP for fire brigades.
What, it's SOP for them to check for the signs and then just wander off for a cup of tea if there isn't one?
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Yup.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Regulations were changed in 2004 when a best practice reveiew stated that if there was no 'Baby on Board' sign stuck to the rear window it "probably wasn't worth the effort" of checking. Also, in RTAs where the rear window has been destroyed fire crews are instructed to "assume that the sign was never there in the first place" and "take five while things settle down, maybe play some cards, or see if any hot chicks have stopped to watch what's going on".
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
I used to work in the same building as the trade magazine for the fire safety industry, so I know what I'm talking about.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
Well, I stand corrected. Thanks.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by dang65: 'Little Princess On Board'
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cherry In Hove: But the sign informing there is a baby on board is quite handy in case of a car crash as people might not necessarily notice a baby if the car has crashed and is on fire, but if the sign is there it may give them cause to look.
lol, yeah can you imagine the training: 'Right guys, if a car is in a twisted wreck make sure there are no adults in the vehicles. There might be children too, but if there isn't a 'baby on board' sign you can stop searching, kk?'
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
I believe that there is a size difference between adults and babies. If there is a car crash where the car catches fire, it would be quite easy to see from a distance whether there is an adult in the car. Babies however are quite often smaller than adults (as mentioned before) and so from a distance it may be hard to see that there is a baby in the car and if it is on fire, people may choose not to go close to investigate this. However, if they notice there is a sign saying "Baby onboard", it may give them cause to get closer to the car and investigate whether there is indeed a "Baby" on "board" and if they do discover this baby, they may well consider rescuing it from the flaming wreck.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
I done got me a baby, yeeeeeee-haw! Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
Good work. Nice tongue poking out action.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
How absolutely wonderful! What an adorable child!
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
I found her in a pram outside the post office on the Kingsland Road. What do they eat? She's starting to look a bit peaky, doesn't seem to like pizzas.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
They eat baby food. There's a clue in the name.
Congratulations dude.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: They eat baby food.
Not at that age they don't. Christ Thorn...I can't believe you're going to have one of them pretty soon. Poor unborn child. Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by McDirts: I found her in a pram outside the post office on the Kingsland Road. What do they eat? She's starting to look a bit peaky, doesn't seem to like pizzas.
No, you swap them for another one when they get hungry. Like leaving a book on a park bench; sort of passing it on.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
Thorn will be a cool dad.
I just felt I had to say that.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
I reckon Thorn will end up exactly like his own dad.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
So, basically, what sam said.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Given how bewildering my dad and I find each other most of the time, I think that's unlikely.
The two words I'd most readily associate with my father are 'serious' and 'responsible' which should give people some idea of the distance between us.
[ 07.04.2009, 07:16: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
Hey. This is my moment here, not Thorn's. Thorn's time will come, but for now it's all about me, my undeniably cute child and what a great dad I'm going to be.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
Hey, is that really your baby? I don't come on here enough to catch all the news, even if it is nine months in the growing.
If that child is yours, then she is perfect. Congratulations to you and her mum. A daughter? Daughters keep you straight - you are bound to be a cool dad. Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
I think McDirts will ruthlessly exploit his child for the purposes of market research and that by the time the child is eight years old it will have serious development issues from being forced to play with a selection of either valueless or outright damaging prototype toys.
[ 07.04.2009, 07:18: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
On the other hand it could be the collest kid in the neighbourhood, trendsetting all the latest toys.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Its clothes, its food, the very bricks of the child's home will be funded by the emotional and intellectual lobotomisation of Britain's children in the pursuit of a quick buck. There's nothing cool about that, Sam.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
Hasbro, LEGO, Tomy, Mattell, Bandai, my child will want for nothing in the pursuit of gender specific toys.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
The good thing is that although McDirts will break his child through testing all the new toys, it will give him insight that other toy developers don't have so he will be able to claw his way to the top of the toy industry and when his own child is no use any more he'll be able to afford a new one from Malawi or something.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Behold the legacy of Evil.
Born unto the very tyrant who would seek to rob the world of innocence, imagination and creativity, and replace those sparkling qualities with covetousness, consumerism, and prejudice, the child sleeps. Rest well, little bairn, for you are born into kingdom built on greed and moral compromise and you will need your strength to resist the tempatations placed in your path by the very people who would seek to care for you. For you will one day face two diverging paths in your journey through this life, as you decide to either perpetuate the cycle of exploitation and cynicism or dedicate yourself to tearing it down, responding only to non-denominational playthings of significant educational value. Oh yes, child. Though it may seem you have no free will, though the terrible history of your forebears will weigh heavy on your shoulders, you have the power to make a better future for all of us. Will the child continue the tyranny of greed, or will it set us free? Rest now. Your destiny will meet you soon enough. Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
chocolate baby, mmmmm mmm
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
SHE WILL PREVAIL
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Am I the only one who thought they looked alike?
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
Christ Ralph. You always have to take things too far, don't you? You sicken me.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Oh, lighten the fuck up McDirts. We were all thinking it.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
I don't know ralph....... *shakes head* Is it possible BM is right?
No,no. That can't be true. He'd be breaking the habit of his lifetime.
Carry on.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
Irrelevant fact #21 Kiss are the only so-called rock band in the world to franchise coffins.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: I don't know ralph....... *shakes head* Is it possible BM is right?
No,no. That can't be true. He'd be breaking the habit of his lifetime.
Carry on.
lol.
McDirts is my mate...my brother from another mother. He took my post in the spirit in which it was given.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph:
quote:Originally posted by sam: I don't know ralph....... *shakes head* Is it possible BM is right?
No,no. That can't be true. He'd be breaking the habit of his lifetime.
Carry on.
lol.
McDirts is my mate...my brother from another mother. He took my post in the spirit in which it was given.
I know. *sigh* I will never get the hang of being amusing, will I?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
like I will?
my poor, poor wife...
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
* Plays a sad melody on a tiny violin *
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
Congratulations to you and her mum. A daughter? Daughters keep you straight - you are bound to be a cool dad. 
