The winds appeared to have died for the moment and the sails of the Good Ship TMO sag lifelessly from their masts. Rotting hunks of textual flotsam and jetsam bob on a millpond sea, drifting beyond the sharpest of eyes. The crow's nest is redundant. There is nothing.
"Aggghhghghghghghghh," say the crew, "We need a fair wind and no mistake."
But where will we find this wind? We need something to drive us, we need a motivational speaker.
Fear not, oh hearty lads, oh beautiful lads, Gordon Poole provides motivational speakers for every occasion.
So, the forum is suffering a lull at the moment, Gordon, who can you provide to bring the wind back to its sails?
Hahahahahahaha. I've been speaking to people like you guys for over ten years now. Blue chip companies, captains of industry, FTSE 1000 companies, you name them, I've motivated them. Hahahahahahahahaha. [CHOKING ON MIRTH]. Excuse me.
Right, posting on The Moose Online is a lot like....sorry? Oh Hahahahahahaha. Posting on the Moon Online is a lot like running a 400 metres race in the 1990 European Championships. If you imagine the Loaf forum as a circular racetrack, a bell rings and you have a single lap left. That's like 5 o'clock when you guys stop working, right? Hahahahahahaha. So, how do WE apply this to YOUR lives, to YOUR posting? Well, my FIT4Posting speech will explain everything YOU need to know for YOU to succeed in maintaining a healthy online community. This speech has LEGS and they run FAST.
So, your manager here, Darryn, imagine he, Darryn, is like Ron Pickering in We are the Champions (A good man, a good show, but hardly The Record Breakers). It isn't hard to do eh? What's your name? No you?
"Stefanos."
OK, Stefanos, right Stefanos. Can you imagine Darryn here as Ron Pickering, Stefanos?
"I...I don't know what you're talking about."
Stefanos, hahahahahahaha, so, Stefanos. Of course YOU, Stefanos, don't know what I'm talking about, Stefanos. That's because, Stefanos, YOU don't have any PF, or "post fuel" as I like to call it. Thanks Stefanos.
Right, where were we? So, two hundred metres it kicks in and you think, "Hahahahahahahahahahaa. But what about Media Junkies?"
Hold that thought, because it's your running spikes. You need them.
So, Carl Lewis is posting in the Webs forum. He's fast but YOU can catch him if YOU crank up that post count and DIG in. Always dig in. I like to call this my motivational spade. Hold it. What's your name, little falla? Benway? OK, Benway, hold it Benway, hold the motivational spade.
"I...I can't see it"
Yes, yes you can, trrryryryrry There's a big 'I' in try.
"No, no there isn't."
Just see it, Benway, Benway, feel the motivational spade.
"I can't...I can't see it…and...well, frankly I'm a little uncomfortable with the term."
'Motivational'? I know, it's a big word, Benway, but when I've finished, you'll be big men, Benway. Hold, it, go on, it won't bite, Benway, hold the motivational spade, Bewnway.
"I...is...is it invisible?"
Hahahahahahahahahaha. Yes, it's invisible to those, Benway, who, Benway, don't, Benway, want to see it, Benway.
"Right. I'm holding the motivational spade, Kris."
Good, good, good man, Benway, Benway, Benway. Now, dig in. HAhahahahahahaha, use that baby to dig in. Are you digging?
"I'm digging."
Do you dig it?
"I dig it."
OK, OK, OK, OK, OK, OK, OK, hahahahahahahahahaha, Benway, Benway, now dig, dig, dig dig, are you digging, dig, Benway, dig, dig dig dig.
Now you can do anything. You can run 400-meter race or you can turn this failing bakery business around...as long as you dig in.
"I....haven't....I....don't…..bakery?!"
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll get the hang of it.
OK, so to sum up, hahahahahhaha, yeeeeah!
Any questions?
Anyone else want to have a try at motivating the forum? Until Gods Plumber returns to rescue the internet, Gordon Poole has many other speakers, or you could just post something inspirational. Anything. Go on guys, Motivate!
[ 25.10.2005, 06:34: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
Christ that's spooky! I was looking at their website earlier to try and find someone to speak at a meeting we are having on Wednesday. You know, a sort of "C'mon everyone, chins up! Change is a gooooood thing, honest!" sort of a speaker.
Unfortunately, it's too short notice for most of them and the ones that I can get all cost about £8000 for the two hours I want them for. So, no go.
If any of you lot fancy coming and doing a motivational speech on "The Joys of Change in the Workplace - how to make the most of chaos" then do please e-mail me on trask.s@gmail.com and I will put you on the short list. Fee - a packet of jammy dodgers and a snog.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
I know someone who is a 'change management consultant'. I had no idea such people could possibly be in demand. Do you want her, Saltrock?
As for that website, i like 'Buzz Aldrin - International superhero. Second man on moon'. Always be second, kids.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
If you can sign Thorn Davis or Doctor Benway to be your motivational speaker, I would like to come to your Concert of Positivity, Saltrock.
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
If you could give me a name and number Herbs, that would be most fantastic. Thank you.
Jonesy, if that should happen, I'll be sure to save you a seat.
Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
God, that website is like basketweaving for MBEs and the braindamaged isn't it?
Saltrock, for £8000, a snog and a packet of jammy dodgers I can point out that the only good thing about organisational change is that you get to come back as a consultant, be despised by your peers and be paid in used banknotes, snogs and jammy dodgers.
Thorn Davis or Doctor Benway would probably put it more succinctly - and carry through on the snog.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
[ 24.10.2005, 09:13: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
Top ubbskillz there, jonesy. Helpfully it looks like Kris's head has been prephooed.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Herbie, get your 'change management consultant' to wear the evil monkey mask from the side of TMO during their speech. That would be rad,
[ 24.10.2005, 09:16: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Doctor Agamemnon When (Member # 189) on :
Motiviation? MOTIVATION? I'd tell you everything you needed to know, but I can't be bothered.
I did do a series of motivational posters for the workplace a la When if you're interested:
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
quote:Originally posted by OJ: Saltrock, for £8000, a snog and a packet of jammy dodgers
Christ, they're not getting the £8k on top of the snog and the biscuits! The latter two are ALL they are getting. Somehow I think I'm going to be doing this talk myself eh?
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: Top ubbskillz there, jonesy. Helpfully it looks like Kris's head has been prephooed.
I like them. They look like shoulder pads.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:Originally posted by OJ:
Ghnneerrgghhha! Work hard!
[ 24.10.2005, 09:19: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Your threads can FEEL bigger TOO, with the jonesy999 Power Posting Technique!
Hi, I respond to everything. In 2003 I realised that by responding to my own threads over and over again, I could make them look bigger. You could apply this to your workplace and increase productivity by a big lot.
[ 24.10.2005, 09:30: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Is that you? Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Yes. One of those guys on Leicester Square did it. Personally, I think it's a rubbish likeness.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
why did you tell him your name was vic bearcroft? are you working under some sort of alias at the moment?
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
vic bearcroft would be an excellent name for a motivational speaker. is vic your motivational name?
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: Yes. One of those guys on Leicester Square did it. Personally, I think it's a rubbish likeness.
But it looks just like Kurt Russell. Because it is, I'd wager.
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs:
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: Yes. One of those guys on Leicester Square did it. Personally, I think it's a rubbish likeness.
But it looks just like Kurt Russell. Because it is, I'd wager.
Yeah, the guy's sat at home and drawn about 3,000 Kurt Russell pictures, tweaks them slightly on the easel and hands them to the punters. They go off thinking, "wow, have I got more handsome of late? I look just like Kurt Russell!", the guy at the easel gets his spondoolies and everyone is happy. Result!
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
To be fair, I look more like the Billy Beaumont picture.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
Shamefacedly, I must admit to having gone to watch jonesy's latest oeuvre, Sky High. You still look good in tights, man.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Has anyone else clicked on the "Animal Masks. ALL ANIMALS" link and spent a bit too long looking at all the animal masks?
A thought: we could have a thread that was all about the shittest threads we could think of. My suggestion is a thread where everyone posts as an animal.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
"At first we weren't sure if Jonesy would ever post again. He had always been such a vibrant and happy newbie, a real TMO angel. We used to joke that he was 'the saviour of boards', and after two or three of years of hard work, it looked like he was on track for winning the 2002 best poster award. We were all really proud. Then, one evening in May, we got an pmail from an anonymous internet friend, telling us that there had been...an...an...I'm sorry..
(do you need some time?)
(can you carry on?)
(*nods*)
(be strong..)
...s-some kind posting accident. So, we turned on the internet, and drove Explorer over to the thread that was mentioned in the pmail..and...(deep breaths)...Jonesy was there....on his own...and, we could see straight away that something was wrong. He'd (oh God this too much...)He'd started a thread about....
...about...
[Fade to black]
[Fade up]
[Text on screen reads: "five minutes later"]
..I'm okay to carry on now, yes, thank you... So, we saw that Jonesy had started a thread on... s-sandwiches... I..We... We always knew that he liked to experiment with posting, and we always took the opinion that as long as he was safe, we didn't mind because we...we..could see what he was doing. But, we had no idea that he was thinking about a thread related to favourite sandwiches. Once or twice he'd mentioned them, but...we thought.. that he understood, that he knew about starting threads, that he was being safe... So, you know, to see him, all on his own, at the top of this thread about sandwiches...We..
[sound of sobbing off camera]
We..We b-blamed ourselves, we were angry at ourselves for letting this happen, For not taking the time to guide him...We learned that sometimes, you have to be strong for those around you....Oh God... you-you don't know what it's like to see a forumite that..I mean, not a single response..Just this white..this huge expanse of white....It was our worst nightmare come true.
[Music start]
..So, we started Jonesy on the program. It was hard work at first, teaching him all over again. After the sandwich thread, it was hard for us to trust him like we used to. It...It was like we were strangers, that we'd never met before. When he responded, threads died, and as I was saying, we were worried that he'd never post again...But..well..see for yourself...
[cut to Jonesy, reclining in a wicker chair in a conservatory]
Well, you've heard the gruesome story about my sandwich thread, and I have to tell you now, that not one word of that is a lie. I know that I may seem to have it all now...this chair...my tag... the hundred of lols that I get from fans every day. But after that Sandwich thread, I had nothing. I mean nada, zero, zip. Sometimes I'd spend whole days with my cursor over 'Add Reply', fighting to try and bring myself to respond again. I could see other posters were receiving lols and smiley faces, but, well, I just didn't know where to begin. Whenever I posted, All I could do was edit it to an X... I was a mess. That's until I discovered the "Respond to Everything" course. Responding to Everything helped me, and I know that it could help you too. Come here, I wanna show you something...
[Jonesy stands up, and enters the 'team maclaren' pose. The lights cut, so that he is silhoutted against the lit backdrop. The set splits to reveal a giant venetian courtyard, lit with spot lights. A line of dancing girls, all wearing Jonesy's face as a cardboard mask begin can-canning across the set, Jonesy begins singing into a banana as if it was a microphone]
[to the tune of 'I will survive']
Some say that I was done - I was petrified; one thread about a sandwich and the net had died; I could no longer respond, I couldn't click on 'add reply' I couldn't post on TMO because my smiley face now cried ... But now I hit that button every night and day, posting all the time - you wish I'd go away, I'm on every single thread, even when the boards are dead I know that you're all starving so prepare to be force-fed.....
[beat]
[lights up - five hula dancers slide down ropes to alight behind Jonesy, and begin to dance]
So...now...GO! Write all the TIME! And it's your turn now cause if it's not, it must be MINE! Nobody here cares if your post makes any sense, just don't be quiet - and don't keep us in suspense!
[beat] Res-pond... a-WAY! post every DAY! It doesn't matter 'what', but it's 'how much' you've got SAY! I had no more lols to bring now I respond to everything and I'll survive! I will survive! Hey- Heyyyy!
[orchestration]
[Cut To VT of Jonesy jogging across a beach, then turns to face the camera, and points, beaming. Freeze frame].
[ 24.10.2005, 11:14: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
Posted by pettibone (Member # 838) on :
There are self adhesive motivational name badges around, you know.
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
to Benway.
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
to Benway too, and Jonesy, without whom..
Note: I am also holding a lighter aloft in fond memory of Thorn.
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
Top post Benway
[ 24.10.2005, 11:13: Message edited by: Waynster ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Yeah, the first Monday without Thorn. Which is a pisser because I was hoping he would comment on these benway nightmare style, except actually real girls possibly with a written confirmation he would kick them in the face, because that would be excellent.
[ 24.10.2005, 11:15: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: Yeah, the first Monday without Thorn. Which is a pisser because I was hoping he would comment on these benway nightmare style, except actually real girls possibly with a written confirmation he would kick them in the face, because that would be excellent.
They have grown up a bit - they were on the Louis Theroux thing he did on racists - sad that their mothers perverted outlook on her fellow man has to be brainwashed into her kids.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
You still would though, wouldn't you
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
yeah.
Posted by SilverGinger5 (Member # 49) on :
This "invterview" with them is fucking brilliant. I think I love Lynx.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:"Eleven and 12 years old," he said, "I think that's the perfect age to start grooming kids and instill in them a strong racial identity."
You've got the seal of approval from the one time grand wizard of the Ku-Klux-Klan boys. Green light.
I like that their surname is Gaede, which I presume is prenounced 'Gaid/gayed'
[ 24.10.2005, 11:34: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
I do Lamb but I'd be thinking of Lynx
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
You people are sick, they're just kids.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
yeah, but if you imagine that either A) you're a kid as well, or B)They're legal, then it's okay.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
..or...not?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
What a cliff-hanger to leave it on eh?
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Do we actually know how old they are? I mean if they're like 13/14 it's probably ok, but any younger and maybe you should think about something else?
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Top work Benway.
I can't remember, did I start a thread about sandwiches?
[ 24.10.2005, 12:46: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
Doesn't it say they're 11 and 12? Wouldn't I be getting shit for posting the repulsive comments we've seen from "respectable" contributors to this thread?
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
I'm Benway...I'm disgusting.
Posted by pettibone (Member # 838) on :
Interesting though how they're believed to spread the beliefs of their parents. This is something you'd never hear about twins of that age who sing to end all poverty.
You cannot but admire their campaign against skin cancer.
Their father appears to be a reasonable chap as well. After all, he could easily put the iron to those poor calves. But he doesn't, does he? The iron is just a token.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
How can twins be 11 and 12? I thought that was just someone's idea of the best age to start grooming kids to be future RickJs.
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: future RickJs.
A historian writes:
quote:it is true that while most would balk at Prussian Blue's folksy little ditties a big blind eye is turned to the so-called 'music' of black rappers - much of which is centred on pimping, the debasement of women and gang violence.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
A radical and thoughtful new approach to black art there. Good old Rick.
[ 25.10.2005, 04:59: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
Posted by Bandy (Member # 12) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: How can twins be 11 and 12?
Duh. They're non-identical twins.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
... I don't know what I'm talking about.
[ 25.10.2005, 05:02: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
I saw an episode of CSI where parents had twins (two boys) but the cock of one of the twins got got cut off during a bodged circumcision. The cock couldn't be saved so they gave him lady-hormones and chocolate and raised him as a girl. The doctor who recommended this deception was just the wrong side of paedo and may or may not have done dodgy shit with both twins so, naturally, when the girlboy found out the truth about her gender, he/she murdered the doctor and a few others for good measure.
Perhaps these parents are attempting to raise one of their twins as a year older than her true age for a sinister reason, like the above.
Benway, in view of your story, can I just check, is it OK for me to post gibberish like this or should I stop and wait until I have something worthwhile to say?
[ 25.10.2005, 05:30: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
That Emma Watson is looking really fit as Hermione in the new Potter trailer.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Her vagina probably isn't as aesthetically pleasing as it would of been in previous years though.
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
My computer feels really dirty now.
Posted by pettibone (Member # 838) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999:
Perhaps these parents are attempting to raise one of their twins as a year older than her true age for a sinister reason, like the above.
But what if it's true? It could be, you know. If one of them was born on new year's eve and the other one a few minutes later on the other side of the new year? Or do you think all this is what Mengele and his team werereallyon about all those years?
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: Her vagina probably isn't as aesthetically pleasing as it would of been in previous years though.
This is very wrong.
It should be "would have been".
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by kovacs: That Emma Watson is looking really fit as Hermione in the new Potter trailer.
173 days and counting...
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
you never did write a thing about sandwiches.
Part of the problem I face as a writer is that people often want to believe in fiction so much, that in their own minds it becomes fact. Many times I've had forumites IRL ask me about things that I've written on the boards, only to be shocked to discover that I made it up.
As an author of character fiction, it's my job to make these things seem believable, to draw you into the story. So, I want 'Benway' to be as real as possible in the imaginations of my readers. Likewise, when setting up situations that deliver a degree of emotional resonance, liberties can be taken by mixing up fact and fiction. So, characters representing actual people can interact with completely ficitonal characters, and find themselves in fictional situations.
The character 'Benway', as you probably know, has a penchance* for fiction, much like I do. Part of the fun of the character is trying to work out where his imagination might go, if he wasn't merely a figment of my own. Spelling mistakes, missing words, obsessions over this or that 'horror film', are all elements that I have to consider when writing Benway, and I have to be careful not to add any details that are perhaps more personal to me than they are to him. I consider it a compliment that readers continue to support and enjoy my work as much as I do, but I would urge them to remember that Benway really is just a part of my imagination, and he's here to entertain rather than inform.
Thanks,
T.F.
*
[ 25.10.2005, 06:01: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:Originally posted by pettibone: It could be, you know. If one of them was born on new year's eve and the other one a few minutes later on the other side of the new year? Or do you think all this is what Mengele and his team werereallyon about all those years?
It could have beeen; you know, they liked a good party, that lot. Goose stepping the Auld Lang Syne, bringing in a lump of coal from the Crematorium and heartily slapping one another on the buttocks.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
I'm going to buy a wicker chair today, Benway.
Posted by pettibone (Member # 838) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999:
quote:Originally posted by pettibone: It could be, you know. If one of them was born on new year's eve and the other one a few minutes later on the other side of the new year? Or do you think all this is what Mengele and his team werereallyon about all those years?
It could have beeen; you know, they liked a good party, that lot. Goose stepping the Auld Lang Syne, bringing in a lump of coal from the Crematorium and heartily slapping one another on the buttocks.
Surely their crematorium runs on gas?
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
That's for Rick to answer, I'm afraid. I'm no scholar.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
Half a bee - Philosophically - Must, ipso facto Half not-be.
But can a bee Be said to be Or not to be An entire bee?
When half the bee Is not a bee, Due to some Ancient injury?
I refute your logic, pettibone.
Posted by pettibone (Member # 838) on :
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: Half a bee - Philosophically - Must, ipso facto Half not-be.
But can a bee Be said to be Or not to be An entire bee?
When half the bee Is not a bee, Due to some Ancient injury?
I refute your logic, pettibone.
What logic would that be, H1ppychick? And is that 'poem' refuting it already, or is the refuting still to come?
I've head stories of the unusual conncetion between twins. Who hasn't. But your 'poem' seems to rob them of all possible individuality. A twin is more than just half of twins.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, was he
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: Half a bee - Philosophically - Must, ipso facto Half not-be.
But can a bee Be said to be Or not to be An entire bee?
When half the bee Is not a bee, Due to some Ancient injury?
Cyril Connelly?
Strange - I heard that for the first time in a very long time just yesterday.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
You have put a deeper interpretation on my 'poem' than intended. The logic I was refuting was your New Year's Eve/New Year's Day thing, which I think you knew was flawed but posted anyway in a mood of whimsy.
The 'twins' would be born in different years but would only be different 'ages' for the cross-over period and one would never be a year older than the other.
That's all I meant.
I meant to quote the philosophers' song but couldn't remember it so stuck with Eric the Half A Bee, which I could remember.
But thanks for thinking I'm more intelligent than I am. Usually it's the other way around.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Ooey Gooey was a worm, A big fat worm was he. He sat upon a railway track, A train he did not see....
Ooey Gooey!
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: I meant to quote the philosophers' song but couldn't remember it so stuck with Eric the Half A Bee, which I could remember.
Emmanuel Kant was a real pissant who was very rarely stable Heidegger Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could drink you under the tabel David Hume, could out-consume, Schopenhauer and Hagel And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlagel.
(I could go on - that's from memory)
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: The 'twins' would be born in different years but would only be different 'ages' for the cross-over period and one would never be a year older than the other.
What if the article was written on new years eve? Just after celebrating the eldest girls birthday.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
elder, not eldest.
Yes they'd have different ages at that point in time, which would be during the crossover period (as I already stated above.).
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: elder, not eldest.
Fucking christ.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
Heh - as I'd already descended into pedantry, I thought I might as well go the whole hog.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay:
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: elder, not eldest.
Fucking christ.
Christ, not christ.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
Apparently I only went the three-quarters'-hog. Out-pedanted by Misc. What a comedown.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
A flea and a fly in a flue Said 'heavens, what shall we do' 'Let us fly,' said the flea 'Let us flee,' said the fly So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
[ 25.10.2005, 06:36: Message edited by: herbs ]
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
damn, too slow for faster-than-a-speeding-bullet herbs.
[ 25.10.2005, 06:37: Message edited by: H1ppychick ]
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
this thread is bringing me down.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
yeah, let's get back to talking about 11 yr-olds' genitalia. that seems to work for most people.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
I don't really know much about that kind of thing, I'm afraid. Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
This thread has failed.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Yeah but we still don't have any idea how old they really are. The article doesn't state their age, and they certainly don't look 11 to me. But then this wouldn't hold up in court, so probably doesn't prove anything.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
I don't feel very motivated.
Posted by pettibone (Member # 838) on :
I keep reading " wood of mimsy". You did that on purpose, didn't you?
Wouldn't this Crossoverbusiness be just their thing? It sounds like a Nordic rite.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
let's face it - we can't run TMO without thorn.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Gang, does Benway look motivated to you? Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
Ringo: 6k boy. Have a virtual balloon.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Thorn would be able to tell us for certain whether or not it's morally acceptable to think about sticking it to those twins
ETA - thanks Hippy
[ 25.10.2005, 06:45: Message edited by: Ringo ]
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
whenever I find myself in a moral quandry, I do tend to think.. "what would thorn davis do?"
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
And then do the opposite?
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
Jonesy, that's not even the real Mr. Motivator. Man, this is bleak.
Posted by pettibone (Member # 838) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999:
Gang, does Benway look motivated to you?
That's a racial slur, innit. You post a pic of a person of blackness and immediately use the word gang .
Benway looks motivated. Yup.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Re Twin Age Pedantry.
Journalists often state people's ages by the year they were born. Hence, someone born in December 1980 would be described by a journo today as Jezbeth, aged 25, when ACTUALLY they were still 24. So a lazy journo could look up New Year twin birthdates and see that one was born (1 Jan) 1994 making them "11" and the other was born (31 Dec) 1993 making them "12". I mean, it's unlikely, but that's how it could technically happen.
Aside from that, alliterating siblings = wrong, alliterating twins = doubly wrong, twins named after animals = damaging.
Also, the only thing motivating me today is creating one of these Amazon wish list things, and revelling in an addictive orgy of unnecessary greed.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
Mr Motivator appears to have womanely hips and no dick. Moral: don't take steroids, boys.
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
Oct. 20, 2005 — Thirteen-year-old twins Lamb and Lynx
That's the opening line of the article so I have to figure they are 13, but there's two of them so that makes them 26.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
Whenever I speak to the guy who sits opposite me, maybe with a question about the supporting people program, or relaying a message, he always frowns as soon as I start talking, like I'm not making any sense from the first word. The way you might react if a drunk accosts you on the street. Then there is a pause, then he says "I don't understand what you're saying", so I have to repeat myself, and then have a brief Q&A session, that always ends with me going "I...don't... know" Every time. I feel like I need to spend half an hour doing research just to speak to him without being made to feel as if I'm totally stupid. It's breaking me down.. It's draining me of vital energy.
[ 25.10.2005, 06:55: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
Posted by pettibone (Member # 838) on :
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: Mr Motivator appears to have womanely hips and no dick. Moral: don't take steroids, boys.
Or - and I don't think this because I think all black men have huge dicks - Mr Motivator has his dick plugged up his own arse, making it slide in and out by jumping.
[ 25.10.2005, 06:56: Message edited by: pettibone ]
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by Darryn.R: Oct. 20, 2005 — Thirteen-year-old twins Lamb and Lynx
That's the opening line of the article so I have to figure they are 13, but there's two of them so that makes them 26.
Borderline. Give then a year or two.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: Jonesy, that's not even the real Mr. Motivator. Man, this is bleak.
Mr Motivator is like Doctor Who, Benway. The guy in the picture is the 'Troughton' of lycra. He died of a heart attack in 1997 half way through a squat thrust/star jump routine (It's a Kind of Magic, in case you're interested). The original 'Hartnell' Motivator, born Derek Evens, died the following year - shot by a taxi driver (The Cocteau twins, car stereo). There have been 8 Motivators altogether. The most popular, the 'Baker' Motivator, has retired to Jamaica where he runs a bar called "Oh Yeah!" with 'Mad' Lizzie Romana. The current Motivator, 'Ecclestone', is former Olympic swimming medallist Adrian Moorehouse .
[ 25.10.2005, 07:07: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I'm sorry about writing like a fool. Today I am viewing TMO like this:
Maybe we could will Thorn back. Let's all think about it really hard and maybe he'll get a sensation. An urge. Not there. Further up. He'll just have a quick peek. Just the one. Nice one Jonesy. Mr Motivator. Awww, Benways missed me. Heh. Sandwiches. Wuh?...hu? Have a quick word? With me? What about? Internet abuse? I don't know what you're talking about. Little girls vaginas? *splutter* No....I....er. Never work in this town again? But no.... I didn't......I mean that.... It wasn't us. It was the Warriors. The Warriors did it. You guys are good. The best. Naaaaaaaaaaaaoaaaoaaoooooooooooooooooooo.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Are these the girls who were featured on Louis Theroux's programme about white nationalists a few years back?
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
*groan*
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
They should enter 'X-Factor'. That show could do with a little bit of an edge.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Roy: They should enter 'X-Factor'. That show could do with a little bit of an edge.
It could be a spin off, perhaps with little tails added to the lines of the X.
Call it the Factor
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
lol, misc.
Simon 'Enoch' Cowell
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
That's a strange coincidence. I had a dream last night about a great new sitcom called "Mad About Jews" starring Helen Hunt and Adolph Hitler. The running gag of course was that the Hitler character kept getting incensed about the Jewish neighbors.
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
I'm sure there was a pilot made once of a sit-com with Hitler as the main character.
ETA: 'Heil Honey I'm home'?
[ 25.10.2005, 07:40: Message edited by: Roy ]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Roy: I'm sure there was a pilot made once of a sit-com with Hitler as the main character.
1990? Shit, I thought it was the late 70s or something.
Sounds hilarious.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Roy: Sounds hilarious.
It really does. I wonder if there's any way to get a copy?
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
Ask Norton.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
An example of the crass, offensive content is a scene in which Adolf is almost suffering a nervous breakdown. His wife Eva tells him to "think happy thoughts". "Poland!" shouts Hitler, with a devilish grin.
Priceless.
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
In another, un-aired episode, Hitler accidentaly damages Eva's favorite Jew-skin lampshade and attempts to replace it with hilarious consequences Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Roy: In another, un-aired episode, Hitler accidentaly damages Eva's favorite Jew-skin lampshade and attempts to replace it with hilarious consequences
While there are reportedly 7 more episodes that never aired, I sincerely doubt that this was the premise of one of them. Shame on you, Roy. I don't think you're taking this seriously.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
oh, Roy Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: oh, Roy
Why, Benway, WHY?
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
ralph, I always take Nazis seriously. Complacency is the friend of fascism, you know.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
I'm not speaking to you, Roy.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Back on the subject of motivation. I now need to be motivated. I have the rest of today and all of tomorrow to hit a very important deadline. Perhaps a silent forum should spur me into doing those all important hard yards. But that's not how we do things around here, way too logical. So, TMO, motivate me to close my browser and concentrate on work, therefore, conversely, encouraging me to stick around, read your posts and procrastinate.
[ 27.10.2005, 09:31: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: So, TMO. motivate me to close my browser and concentrate on work, therefore, conversely, encouraging me to stick around, read your posts and procrastinate.
If you don't get the hell off this forum right now, I'm going to post. A lot.
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
Jonesy, get on with your fucking work, you fucking lazy bastard.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Nice try ralph but isn't that a bit like threatening to spell your user name 'ralph'?
Roy. Good Raging Dad strategy, but...well, maybe I'll start at 3:00.
[ 27.10.2005, 09:30: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Just think how you'll feel if you miss the deadline, eh Jonesy? Eh?
Now just knuckle down.
[firm but fair teacher strategy]
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
People get paid for this???? I'm trying to imagine teh meeting where this concept was okayed. But I can't. Jesus...
[ 27.10.2005, 09:41: Message edited by: vikram ]
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
I've worked with the director, she's a lovely woman. I accidently walked backwards into her, and smacked her in the breast with a boom-pole. Not that this makes her a lovely person. But she is.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:Originally posted by Roy: I'm sure there was a pilot made once of a sit-com with Hitler as the main character.
ETA: 'Heil Honey I'm home'?
In a moment to bring back TMOld like a dream, I saw a clip of Heil Honey, I'm Home last night on a thing about Hitler's comedy years. The comedy years thing was alright but Heil Honey, I'm Home was pretty bad. Every time Hitler opened the curtains - there were a million cheering Nazis outside of his suburban front window - like Nuremberg and shit.
It actually sounds better than it was.
[ 11.05.2007, 06:42: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Wow, technology has moved on since October 2005. Heil Honey I'm Home is now available on youtube.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
[ 11.05.2007, 06:52: Message edited by: vikram ]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: Wow, technology has moved on since October 2005. Heil Honey I'm Home is now available on youtube.
youtube is blocked in the office.
eta: whatever became of that Roy character?
[ 11.05.2007, 07:04: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
Apparently kovacs got together with Rillion and went round his house and beat him up. Roy made a report to the police but they laughed him out of the station when his description of his assailants began with "There was two of them, both dressed in leotards. The skinny one was wearing pink with day glo yellow y-fronts over the top, a pair of yellow marigolds and a badge on the front that said VENGEVACS - WATCH YER BACK, set in comic sans. The big one with the bald head had a green and black leotard, black high heeled boots a black velvet cloak and a badge with the words "AN ERECTION OF WORDS MADE HUMAN.. MAN".
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
That shit is best left buried.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
you know what happened to Roy, ralph...
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
I know why Roy left. I don't know what's become of him since.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: I know why Roy left. I don't know what's become of him since.
I heard that he plays an orc in Lord of the Rings - The Musical.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
I heard that he was understudy to one of the secondary horses in Equiis.
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
to Benway.
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
Factor