Two males and two females - the winners get to perform with each other in every configuration possible for a foursome while the rest of the forum looks on grimly, performing a slow hand-clap, in a bar, in Finsbury Park.
Don't be a fucking pussy, NOMINATE.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Abby Terse temptress of eye-popping gorgeousness; she doesn't post huge amounts but what she does is dry, wry and distinctive. Turn-ons include: brainy men, lame fantasy. Woo yeh. Form an orderly queue, geekazoids.
Vogon Poetess Yes, I know. OBV. But let's not mess around: this slinky foxtress knows how to reduce all the non-gay men on the forum to blubbering hulks of dribble - and make the gay ones think twice. The Dorothy Parker of Croydon may have been a regular for nigh on five years but still has the capacity to surprise and enthrall. Turn-ons include: horses. Yeah, you heard - horses.
Ringo Kovacs - Kovacs! - once declared that Ringo was probably the most attentive lover on the forum owing to the astounding attention to detail he devotes to resolving telephoned IT helpdesk queries. Not just that, but this beefy hunk of stud has boffed or been linked to practically every eligible female ever to grace this site. Nice work for someone who was, like, 18 when he started. Turn-ons include: cars, car things, car-driving and kettles. Yeah (*breathes*) you heard, lover boy.
Vikram Love him or just desire him, you can't ignore Mr Zeitgeist - having trumped The Other Most Likely Male by a whisker, after the recent revelation of an awesomely alienated, funny and shocking writing talent (unlocked, as so much else on this forum is, by thoughts of Dr Benway), Vikram now seeks new challenges. Scarlett, maybe - or Lindsey. Turn-ons include: dead-eyed trustfund gals, war, SE Asia and boredom. (*Yeeaah, that's right. Bbboredome.*)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
More sexy poster profiles please! Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
Well I vote for me then. Hurrah!
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
I'll vote for Abby too, I guess. I'm not sure if I know what she actually looks like, but I used to go to school with a girl called Abby and she was pretty hott.
For me, VP has lost a lot of her appeal now that she's getting cock again...
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: For me, VP has lost a lot of her appeal now that she's getting cock again...
Yeah, slut! Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
Abbey and Ringo sitting in a tree, chest p-o-o-i-n-g
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: For me, VP has lost a lot of her appeal now that she's getting cock again...
It was just the once. Although I'm working on it. Hurrah for cock!
I'm thinking that ben and kovacs would make a surprisingly sexsome double act. Such an intriguing set of contrasts: the tall, lean and dapper metrosexual vs the broad-shouldered, grim-faced brawn. Gruff Northern vowels bassing up the sharp-talking Cockney. A lot of gesticulating and thumping of tables as they lithely rummaged through popular culture, teasing out tasty textual snippets before discarding them limply aside.
Don't know about girls. Scrawny and Bailey were always the hottest surely?
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
Okay:
Blokes
Ben ralph
Chicks
H1ppychick Kira
I'll give reasons later (once the cheques have cleared)
ETA: To those who missed out, it was a close thing. Whoever you are, you came a close third.
[ 09.02.2006, 11:13: Message edited by: Roy ]
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
For the sake of convenience I'm going to ignore posters that I've actually fucked (hence no Ringo in my lists)
The only thing stopping me from using this thread to describe Modge as "well fit" is that she's married to Kovacs, and it seems a bit... wrong. Scottish accent and 1337 ballerina skills are the icing on the breasts and belly. Cake. I meant cake. Anyway. Yeah. Obviously a lot of that is just fantasy - you know - not actually knowing someone. I'm sure in real life I'd be disappointed; disgusted even.
Hang on. Are we doing these based on what people post like or what they actually are like in real life? Oh well, I'll just plough on with this embarrassment, regardless. It makes me feel a bit creepy, though. I'd like that noted. I'm not getting off on this or anything!
Astromariner was always a lovely combination of good looks and that kind of dappy charm that is so becoming in young women, until it turns into that terrifying derangement sported by 40 year old women. First of all you think it's cute that she cries because she's left-handed, a decade later you're getting phone calls from the police who found her wandering the streets in her nightie and putting breadcrumbs in her hair. Plus - she also had that tit reduction, and I know from the internet and Italian horror movies that breast mutilation = teh sexy.
For the guys, surely Jonesy999 deserves a mention? I mean as well as demonstrating his mad comedy skillz, he also looks like Kurt Russell, I don't just repeat that out of laziness - he really does look just like him. I mean - what more do people want?
Elsewhere Black Mask must win a few points for the mystery factor alone.
[ 10.02.2006, 05:02: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]
Posted by Bandy (Member # 12) on :
Does anyone else think that the smiling man from the Picture the Loan advert which regularly features on page 2 of Metro looks a lot like Jonesy?
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
No.
Posted by Bandy (Member # 12) on :
Your vote doesn't count Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
I haven't seen it anyway, if I'm honest.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
I don't really look like him, do I Bandy?
[ 09.02.2006, 12:18: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Bandy (Member # 12) on :
No.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Sweet.
[ 09.02.2006, 12:18: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Lord almighty.
quote:Hang on. Are we doing these based on what people post like or what they actually are like in real life? Oh well, I'll just plough on with this embarrassment, regardless. It makes me feel a bit creepy, though. I'd like that noted. I'm not getting off on this or anything!
Good work Thorn.
Come on, more of you fuckers - let's have your nominations... or are you addicted to the watery Horlicks and limp fish paste sandwiches of nostalgia?
Posted by Bandy (Member # 12) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: Lord almighty.
It looks more like him in black and white. Sorry Jonesy.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
He looks like a strange cross between Phil Tuffnel and Tony Adams...
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
...and Alan Titchmarsh
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Lol. I agree with Misc, and I am proud to be compared to that picture of Titmarsh.
I thought the thread was supposed to be based on what people posted. I didn't want to embarrass myself by jumping in and getting it all wrong so I held back. As a result a wave of words is building up in my loins, racing through my body like Elvis's tsunami of salmon, all giddy and impatient to explode from my fingers in a burning shell of sticky textual gush.
Ben is the sexiest: The school master who cares, that Welsh guy in To Serve Them All My Days, but northern. Moulding and teaching and shaping his audience, every single one of them blinking into their monitors, hoping the eye-love-you-lids trick stolen from Raiders will work over the interweb. When he's not the school master, he's the smithy, expelling the sweaty rage of the day's passions by beating hot words into barbed hunks of unbreakable iron, hot enough to burn you, sharp enough to cut you, but you want to be cut. The man builds his bed with sentences hewn from the very rock of the planet, binds you to that cold stone with mature leather phrases hacked roughly from the bull of a bygone era, a time of raw, untamed greatness. Held firmly in place he will long cock the boys with great long fucks of rhetoric; angry, barely-inhibited shafts of earthy, girthy word penetrating their souls over and over and over again, like they are being fucked by the elements, by the planets, by the maker. To the female posters he is merciful, teasing them with tendrils of poetry and then enveloping them with vast arms of blunt, primal honesty until they shiver and quiver in his embrace and his mouth. And sometimes, every now and then, for fun, playfully bending forward to let Thorn push his eager cock, with a pop, through the filmy gateway to the pooper of Bun's persona.
[ 09.02.2006, 13:05: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
Ben's going to win by a mile.
And he won Roy's Cleverest Poster 2005, so watch out in case Mr. Popular becomes Mr. Bighead.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
No Roy. If you read my original post it says in the small print that I'm disqualified from competing by the very fact of having been the one who suggested the contest.
"As you wear".
ps. fyi Jonesy, there's no film round my gateway pal.
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
lol Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:ps. fyi Jonesy, there's no film round my gateway pal.
Lol. Sorry. I just imagined you would have a sheet of popable protection there, to keep out undesirables, perhaps made from a gossamer layer of pork pie jelly.
[ 10.02.2006, 03:57: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: No Roy. If you read my original post it says in the small print that I'm disqualified from competing by the very fact of having been the one who suggested the contest.
"As you wear".
ps. fyi Jonesy, there's no film round my gateway pal.
Oh, I see it now. It's next to the rule at that all votes cast for Ben go to any other poster with a three letter blokes name instead.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Think we need more nominations by/for womens to spruce this thread up.
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
Maybe the top four as voted for should then be narrowed down to a single Most Sexiest Poster.
It would be like the lib dem leadership contest, but with less bumming.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
I’d vote for discodamage but i think i frighten her when i write vitini pron.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Also, recently I've been getting the impression that H1ppychick would be a good lay, in a sobbing/ alcohol-y kind of manner.
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
That's why I voted for her.
Seeing as Ben is not eligable, I've got spare 'guy vote' going. Who wants it?
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Roy: It would be like the lib dem leadership contest, but with less bumming.
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: I’d vote for discodamage...
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
If danger is sexy, then I vote Benway. Recently I tried to pull a plug out of a 4-way adapter and didn't notice that Felix (housemate extraordinary) had left an exposed plug so that when I touched it blue bolts shot out of my fingers. My hand felt mummified for about an hour afterwards. When I think of the time Benway electricuted himself several times in a row in his bedsit I get a danger stiffy.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
What was good was that I felt like a sith lord for 0.3 seconds.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: Also, recently I've been getting the impression that H1ppychick would be a good lay, in a sobbing/ alcohol-y kind of manner.
cheers, m2
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
And Misc, who is so pretty it makes me mad. Being in a band with two handsome guys is a right fucker. Sometimes it makes me so bitter and jealous I want to just ram their beautiful mugs into each other. I'd really like to grab them both my the scruff of the necks and hurl them down a steep hill, but I know that it would only make girls coo over them with their sexy ruffled hair and grass stained cheeks.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
But I think I'd be alright if I could have a drunk crysex with h1ppy, right now.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
It wasn't meant to be an insult, exactly. Just that I could imagine being sat on a sofa next to a drunk you at a party. You know, it's let, we're slouching into the cushions, leaning into each other and then suddenly you burst into noisy tears about some incomprehensible non-problem, I turn round to console you, and then equally as unforeshadowed as the tears, voracious tongueing is happening. With no idea how this happened, I'm suddenly being hauled off to the bedroom and denuded in furious fashion - halfway between passion and outright, hateful agression. Slammed down on the bed I'm practically powerless in the face of this sudden lustiness, until right on the cusp of orgasm you suddenly burst into tears again, choking sobs wracking your body even as your climax shudders through you. That's the sort of thing I was thinking of. I reckon it would be OK.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
'you' refers to H1ppychick in that post, not NWoD. I haven't gone that badly wrong yet.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I actually felt a pang of sadness that Thorn wasn't fantasising about me. I need to take things less personally.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
There, there...don't cry Mikie...
Mmmm...your eyes have gone all sparkly.
Another vodka?
[ 10.02.2006, 05:37: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
Jonesy, do you want my man vote?
That's not prison slang, by the way.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
I-I don't know.
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
I vote for Jonesy.
He saved TMO this week with his numerous threads and has been the funniest bloke this year.
And girls, I bet he's got a big 'un.
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
quote:Originally posted by Roy: And girls, I bet he's got a big 'un.
Speaking of which, please tell me this is the TMO troll machine in action.
quote: ive started getting clots. its like little placentas each time. would anyone like to see a picture?
That's pure Roy.
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
That's not me. I did plan to start posting on the Nuts board today, but I can't because it contains 'adult content'. Where?
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
You can't all have a day trip off to a board I'm not allowed to access! That's just not on. Ok? I'm vetoing this trip. I'm using the power of veto, granted to me by... me to say "No-one is allowed to post, or even look at the Nuts board as of now". OK? No-one. That means you Roy, and everyone else, obviously.
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
Others whose internet use at work is unrestricted in the name of academic research will have to trawl Nuts for the "best bits".
quote:fellas we all know how hot it is when 2 gorgeous girlies start hookin' up and kissing for our delightful pleasure! nothing better than 2 girls snogging the face off each ova.
me and my best pal decided last nite to beat the ladies at their own game. middle of the dance floor... swayin the hips together, bit of grindin' and then... LET'S GO FOR IT our eyes said, we kissed in front of the crowd.
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: And Misc, who is so pretty it makes me mad. Being in a band with two handsome guys is a right fucker. Sometimes it makes me so bitter and jealous I want to just ram their beautiful mugs into each other. I'd really like to grab them both my the scruff of the necks and hurl them down a steep hill, but I know that it would only make girls coo over them with their sexy ruffled hair and grass stained cheeks.
C-Craig? Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
I with you, Thorn. I can't access it either. If they fuck off we'll just make TMO the BEST IT'S EVER BEEN while they're gone, and when they come back we'll ruin it again.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: Being in a band with two handsome guys is a right fucker. Sometimes it makes me so bitter and jealous I want to just ram their beautiful mugs into each other.
Well you're no Brian Peppers yourself...
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
I'm looking at a thread called Forum Members in Funny Pics on the Nuts forum. Here are some of the highlights:
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
There seems to be loads of wannabee uk glamour models in the forum I'm looking at. With links to their personal portfolio sites. Like this one: Beckiebrown (Content: Some semi nudity erotica)
This does not compute, guys who buy Nuts get to chat (for free) to wannabee models on the Nuts Forum. I-i don't understand.
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
Not fair! I want to play with nuts!
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
That bloke in the second picture has the same wallpaper my mum had about 10 years ago.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Put idiot into bowl with food ingredients. Punch mixture until happy.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
quote:Originally posted by kovacs:
quote:fellas we all know how hot it is when 2 gorgeous girlies start hookin' up and kissing for our delightful pleasure! nothing better than 2 girls snogging the face off each ova.
me and my best pal decided last nite to beat the ladies at their own game. middle of the dance floor... swayin the hips together, bit of grindin' and then... LET'S GO FOR IT our eyes said, we kissed in front of the crowd.
LOL!
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
You really shouldn't be so naive when it comes to your father, Waynster.
[ 10.02.2006, 06:21: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
quote:Originally posted by not...: There seems to be loads of wannabee uk glamour models in the forum I'm looking at. With links to their personal portfolio sites. Like this one: Beckiebrown (Content: Some semi nudity erotica)
This does not compute, guys who buy Nuts get to chat (for free) to wannabee models on the Nuts Forum. I-i don't understand.
How do you get wankers to keep coming back to a website ? Give them something to wank over !
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Wow, banned after one post.
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
Come back Stefanos all is forgiven!
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: Wow, banned after one post.
What did you say?
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Roy:
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: Wow, banned after one post.
What did you say?
"Pornography is degrading to women."
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote: There is an error in your signature, Cherylanne. There is such a thing as a bisexual. The other day when I was sticking it to my lady, her brother sneaked up behind me and pushed a buttery finger into my exit lane. I'm worried I've caught bisexualism but I'm afraid to go to the hospital in case I get a male Doctor and end up doing a little squirt on his rubber gloves when he examines me. I'm scared I will develop full blown gay and start playing rugby and knowing the words to South Pacific or something. I asked the chemist if there was an over the counter cure for bisexualism but then I winked at him and said "you know, like you're pretending to arrest me." It's difficult to run away with a mighty great oliver hardy in your wranglers. I don't know how gayboys manage, I really don't.
[ 10.02.2006, 08:32: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
lol top !
The BBC will love it !
see my thread Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Whatever happened to the Dart of Harkness?
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: Vikram Love him or just desire him, you can't ignore Mr Zeitgeist - having trumped The Other Most Likely Male by a whisker, after the recent revelation of an awesomely alienated, funny and shocking writing talent (unlocked, as so much else on this forum is, by thoughts of Dr Benway), Vikram now seeks new challenges. Scarlett, maybe - or Lindsey. Turn-ons include: dead-eyed trustfund gals, war, SE Asia and boredom. (*Yeeaah, that's right. Bbboredome.*)
An honour, genuinely. In a not too distant destiny, you and I shall be brothers in arms, together battling Galloway's cloned forces.
As you're off limits and in deference to our Chinese future, I wish to nominate Benway. Bedsitboy simultaneously puts me to intellectual shame (not difficult admittedly) yet his 'life' serves as a warning to us all. I love you Benway.
I followed him into a thin room. It smelled of plaster and chemicals. Dust danced in the light, like the dust in an old church. Scattered around me was the detritus of his current project. Childish artefacts were placed and filed in a corner. Scraps of toys, snapshots of food smeared smiles at birthdays. Progress reports written in impenetrable mandarin. There was a narrative of sorts, about abduction. I thought that these were children who had been taken. The pile of toys had the mawkish mortality of those left on the scene of an infanticide. As I glanced at the reports I noticed key words "pagan", "custody", "abuse" repeated like mantra.
His breath was heavy and warm. Slick teeth glimmered in the gap of his smile. For the first time, gloriously, I was powerless.
oh yeah, chicks: i'd shag whoever's most likely to cry. form an orderly line.
[ 10.02.2006, 10:04: Message edited by: vikram ]
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
yeah that kinda sucked
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Vikram, I've decided that you now represent every single Asian person on the planet - so can please offer up some kind of an explanation for this? Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
what's to explain?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
It's even directed by Vikram.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
quote: Fight Club is going for the full song and dance approach and there's video to prove it.
lolol, excellent. This could be good. Think: Fight Club - The Musical. Rousing refrains include "The First Rule of Fight Club" and "Soap!"
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
That's a different Vikram. Me, I am Vikram Chatwal.
i wish.
A cursory glance of its website reveals the movie to be Fight Club only in name. It features a fight club yes, but else is a standard homoerotic buddies vs ganstas movie masala bollyromp.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
quote: An exciting journey is accelerated when Vicky stumbles upon the design of Fight Club. A club which gives people platform to score with their enemies in an atmosphere of fun, action, and excitement
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
Sounds like a San Fran bathouse. Meet me there at 8, Benway. Don't tell Marla.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
Fight Club in this film is basically like the swimming pool at center parcs.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
lol, that's weird.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Come on Vikram - do your girls properly. And you Benway!
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
There are some great comments on that fight club site
quote: they will remake DONNIE DARKO, NAPOLEON DYNAMITE and every Tim Burton movie next. The little emo bitches whould cry until their wrists rupture.
quote:This argument is great, so multi-layered...
Elitists being condescended to by other elitists who themselves are blinded to their own elitist attitudes.
quote:wow your all idiots.
quote:As a female, I had absolutely NO interest in Fight Club, nor any other movie who's sole purpose in life is provide an excuse ("political message" or otherwise) to watch some guys beating the crap out of each other.
[ 10.02.2006, 10:47: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Kira (Member # 826) on :
A whos who in the sexiness stakes on TMO according to Kira...
The Girls
Amy
I wasnt posting at the same time as Amy but I used to like her posts as a viewpoint from the US. I liked her photography (also at the risk of sounding a bit gay...her haircolour in a particular meat pic is ace and red heads aresexy...plus the glasses too...)so yeah I think Amy gets my first vote.
VP
I would like to say that VP (based on what I read her as and from quite a brief meeting at myfirsteverTMOmeet™) is classically british. Sounds like she lives in a big country house in hampshire with her horses and hounds and probably a fit young stablehand in the stables...
May I just re-iterate Thorns point that its quite hard to big up a fellow forite in terms of sexiness?
I wonder if its harder for people who know each other really well in comparison to a relative newcomer to the boards?
I think this is nearly my longest ever thread ever...anyway onto the boys...
Ringo
Definately an obvious choice from me. Ringo writes sexy fo' sure. Before we even spoke I had an attraction to him. His posts in the past had given me the impression that he is one of the most intelligent and articulate people I know of his age. Meeting him just confirmed this...
my second choice was more difficult...
so many contenders
Darryn
I havent met Darryn but in my minds eye; he is a kindof cross between Sawyer from Lost and someone like Noah Wylie
He has this kind of calmness to his posts and I've always found him to be a welcoming presence to all posters new or old so that makes him sexy.
anyway enough from me, heres hoping none of the above offends anyone...
Happy weekend TMO x
The author wishes to point out that these results are only accurate at the time of posting and may be liable to change at any time...
[ 10.02.2006, 12:36: Message edited by: Kira ]
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
Woo, a vote for me, you know it makes sense, though I look more like a homeless according to Bandy..
I was going to vote Kira for the girls (Before she gave me a vote - just to make that clear) because I do find her sexy, she's just the right mix of smart and silly with a dash of confused thrown in for good measure..
For the lads I have to give it to NWOD, with long hair and no beard he's pretty and with short hair and beard he's indie rugged.. If I were a lady he'd prolly make me moist..
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
I'd vote for Kira actually. She just seems really nice. Only a weirdo wouldn't like Kira. Or one of Ringo's stalkers. Or evil girl classmates. Basically, only people that should be killed don't like Kira. Everyone else - what's not to like? And she has lovely hair from the one photo I saw of her. I'm especially into hair, for various freudian reasons, so that's a dubious bonus.
Scrawny, and not just cuz she's hot. She gave me advice back when I was looking for a media job and more recently when I wondered about quitting the MA. I have no rapport with her or anything, but have always thought her really smart and cool and have always valued her opinion, even if she has sold her soul to sony. Soon teh Scrawny will take over the world and I reckon I'd thrive in the atomised hyperglobalised deconstructed post-modern medicated dystopia that she will inevitably create. So really, a vote for Scrawny is a vote for me.
Would also like to play the Hilton game with Uber. Where is she anyway?
[ 12.02.2006, 21:51: Message edited by: vikram ]
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
The Hilton game ? - Is that shagging in the dark with a nightvision camera ?
[ 10.02.2006, 13:07: Message edited by: Darryn.R ]
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Isn't that Splinter Cell III?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Thanks D!! Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
I feel quite touched. Moved even. I don't really think of myself as sexy. Reasonably attractive yes, but I've never felt entirely comfortable with myself. It's reassuring that someone still finds me sexy even after seeing me naked.
Anyway, I suppose I should choose some people. Seeing as I like to think of myself as a gentleman, I'll let the ladies go first.
Let's go with the obvious one: Kira
It's quite hard to quantify exactly what it is I find sexy about Kira. A lot of it comes from how she makes me feel when she's around. Because she's so down to earth and intelligent without being judgemental, from the moment I met her I felt pretty much at ease simply to be myself.
Also - she has a cracking rack and a rear to match, and a pair of beautiful eyes which look positively breathtaking when they're pointed towards me.
Second choice is harder. There's a lot of talent on this site and I'm not talking about the writing. But the other sexy lady I'll be choosing is someone I've never actually met and only seen a few small pictures of. She's one of the few posters that seems to have been around since the dawn of the forum, and from the outset I found her fascinating. Understated intelligence, a great sense of humour, and always in a playful mood.
Accept no substitutes, it's teh h1ppy
Now onto the chaps.
Obviously, I'm not gay, and I'm completely at ease with that, so it doesn't concern me that my first choice likes his toast buttered on the wrong side. He lives in the arsehole of nowhere, and the snowiest city in Britain. Tragically, he and I have never had the chance to meet face to face, but I've probably clocked up the greatest MSN mileage with this fella, out of all the people I know. My fondest memories though will be of wasting countless evenings sat chatting on ICQ about random garbage and cod philosophical nonsense. He's painfully intelligent and writes like nobody else on this site. If he were a cartoon character he'd be a gay, scotch Charlie Brown. And I mean that in a good way.
Tis Macandrew of course.
The final sexy person on my list is someone I have met. In fact I'm pretty sure he was at the first meet I ever went to, and if I remember correctly we ended up comparing out nipples. His were freakishly small, while mine are freakishly large. For this reason alone, that chisky cunry Darin is my second man-choice.
Sorry about any bad grammar or typos. I can't be bothered to spell check or proof read.
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
Well, it's all pretty exciting so far. Can anyone else pick their girlfriend as sexiest poster and have that vote reciprocated. Or would such testimonies perhaps be better written in what normal folk call... a "Valentine's Day Card".
I would vote for Bailey as she is a radiant girl, but as she never posts I can't really justify it: instead I will have to back Ben's vote for Vogon Poetess.
Why Vogon Poetess. Other girls on this board, in fact a startling number of girls on this board, are both pretty and intelligent. What does the VP "brand" embody that makes married men simper when she speaks to them, and churn sourly when they hear she's getting "cock". (paraphrase, Ben's private p-mail, 10 Feb 2006) What makes Vogon Poetess coldly sparkle like Jadis of Narnia is the refreshing quality that makes her TMO anti-matter and antidote: her frigidity, her aloofness, her disdain for the forum's incestuous cross-pollenisation, her immunity to the charms of every TMO fellow. More than one handsome chap from this board has confided to me "tried that one... got knocked back", and been answered with rueful nods from another eligible "face" across the table. Her currency is unattainability.
Geezers: unlikely but entirely fitting, my choice unites VP with the only man who has (he claims) rammed her ice-crusted gates. Thorn Davis shruggingly laughs off photographs that make him look like the spawn of Bart Simpson and Joey Deacon, because he knows he has a mysterious, unassailable charisma in person; a power that effortlessly, enigmatically wins him the intimate favours of board "hotties". OK so we only have his word for VP; so Rose Davis was a mentallist with only her remarkable stomach to recommend her; so Octavia barely counts as a TMO regular; but still, Thorn's record for actual relationships with fit birds, rather than just lucky post-meet shags and flukey flings, is surely unparalleled.
Some contributors who talk the talk online disappoint in real life; Thorn isn't fronting or projecting some wishdream persona. He has the kind of confident charm that allows him to make you feel good, that lets him pretend he's mistaken to save your pride. He could be a matinee hero and he's choosing to play self-deprecating, fast-talking slapstick: the closest we have here to Cary Grant.
[ 10.02.2006, 18:00: Message edited by: kovacs ]
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
quote:Originally posted by vikram: Would also like to play the Hilton game with Uber. Where is she anyway?
Working lots of jobs. Doing a degree. Bought a flat. Busy, y'know. The usual shit. * The Hilton Game. Also, see P.1 for classic Fionnula. That dost make my heart beat and make me feel like I could, I would, I should.
I'm still considering my response to this thread. Re-reading old threads, discovering old fancies and new lusts is making this harder. There is the obvious, the hads, the would-haves, but who are the true... ? I'm still working on it. When's the deadline ben?
<aside> Vikram My sister has announced that we must have you over for dinner to the new pad soon. Only visionaries allowed. Bring 3D glasses and wine. </aside>
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
quote:Originally posted by Uber Trick: Vikram My sister has announced that we must have you over for dinner to the new pad soon. Only visionaries allowed. Bring 3D glasses and wine.
I have a couple of bottles of Tescos Finest Shiraz and Mean Girls DVD on standby, for this very event.
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
Hmm, I'd have to vote NWOD [for his looking a lot like Seth Green of late] and Physic [for climbing up mountains and playing badminton in a frock].
For the gurls, VP [it's the horse thing] and, um, not sure who else really - probably Abby because of the description of her leather trousers at the first meet she went to. Sounded sexy enough to me.
Posted by Kira (Member # 826) on :
quote:Originally posted by kovacs: Can anyone else pick their girlfriend as sexiest poster and have that vote reciprocated. Or would such testimonies perhaps be better written in what normal folk call... a "Valentine's Day Card".
god you sound proper grumpy...
[ 11.02.2006, 21:09: Message edited by: Kira ]
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
Wouldn't you think it was missing the point a bit if Thorn had posted a romantic tribute to Octavia on here, followed by her returning the compliment; and if I'd then proposed "of course Modge must come first in my list", with a sickly paragraph describing her, topped with a reply from Modge about how wonderful I am?
Posted by Kira (Member # 826) on :
well ok professor whatever you say
if thats how you feel about it. Though i dont see why you should stand here and judge as to what is an appropriate reply to Bens thread...
This coming from someone who seems only to post links of his own stuff from barbelith.
My choice is valid in my opinion (as is anyone elses choice) and ringo was as truthful answer as any of the other 3 i mentioned.
...but anyway apologies forum...
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
This whole thread is stupid anyway.
Posted by Stefanos (Member # 53) on :
quote:Originally posted by not...: Come back Stefanos all is forgiven!
The sad thing here is that I know this bloke...I never forget a helmet.
No, seriously - I know him.
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
He's very... muscular
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
quote:Originally posted by kovacs: Her currency is unattainability.
Seemingly, 11 hours of drinking and backing a 16-1 winner is all it took.
Not sure about Thorn as Cary Grant. He doesn't have good enough suits.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
I have never worn leather trousers. Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Abby: I have never worn leather trousers.
There is still time.
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
quote:Originally posted by Abby: I have never worn leather trousers.
Really? I was sure I remembered a description of you at the first meat that you went to. Ah well, you can keep my vote anyway because in my head it was you and you were hotttt.
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
quote:Originally posted by Abby: I have never worn leather trousers.
I have a set of bike leathers that sadly fit me no more - the leather trousers are way too tight - however my diet is working as this morning I got into my old 30" waist jeans - you've just reminded me of the biker trousers and given me a great new target to aim for!
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
I did wear hott trousers to my first meat...they were pinstripe capri trousers. Like these....I skipped the white ankle boots though.
These are the best trousers I ever bought.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
quote: you've just reminded me of the biker trousers and given me a great new target to aim for!
Leather Meat!
Posted by Ganesh (Member # 685) on :
Mmmm... leather meeeat... Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Excellent. Abby edges forward in the female nominations.
Ringo, I'm afraid I have to drop you from my nominations for your cynical vote-rigging scam with Kira. I'm ashamed for you both. Kovacs's Thorn argument has convinced me - my Ringo vote therefore transfers to the Boner-Thwacker.
**STOP PRESS**
We need more votes and nominations from female posters! It paynes me to see so many prominent names have not yet spoken.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Pfft Thorn's about as sexy as an angry haemorrhoid
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Pfft Thorn's about as sexy as an angry haemorrhoid
You said it made me look 'cute' Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
Hmmmm. I have been thinking over whether to respond to this thread as I'm somewhat hampered by not knowing who most of the posters are anymore. However, being ill-informed has never stopped me in the past, so here goes!
Forette's favourite and long time gusset-whumper Jonesy. As Bjork once said "his wicked sense of humour suggests exciting sex". This pretty much sums up Jonesy's attraction for me. Deliciously funny and a cunning linguist, Jonesy will have you simpering in an attempt to conceal your gushing within a flick of the 'add reply' icon. And this is before you've even met him, before you see what a fine specimen he is in person and before he does something ultra kind like send you a Star Wars toy because he thinks someone close to you will like it. *sighs* Oh, Jonesy.
My second male poster is someone who kind of snuck up on me. Someone I always admired and was curious about but who induced a sufficient amount of awe to keep me feeling too awkward and lumpen to approach. So, when I finally did pluck up the guts to interact and finally got to meet him, I was blown away by his apparently effortless charm and easy-going nature. Plus, he looks like Jake Gyllenhall in Brokeback Mountain! That's right, I give you Omikin. To this day, I still smile when I remember Omikin's story about how he used to write his name as teenage goth.
For the laydeez, I am spoilt for choice. There are quite a few names I've give here. If I have to narrow it down though, I'll go firstly for Herbs. You see, if I was a man or if I had lesbotic tendencies, Herbs would be right up my street. She radiates confidence and sureness, like a woman who enjoys her body and enjoys others enjoying it too. Does that make sense? Again, it's that wicked sense of humour thing. Combine that with her warmth of character and you've got one hot tamale.
My second choice is really difficult. I think that I will have to go for someone who, in my opinion, has got it all - striking good looks, a figure to die for, intellectual strength and again, a strong sense of humour (seems to be something of a theme with me). Obviously, I'm talking about Scrawny.
So, those are my nominations. Not sure if they will have any impact on the running order so far but then hey, I've probably totally missed the boat by replying so late anyway.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
The poll remains open until all posters have contributed. Any posters not contributing will be considered slightly suspect 'asexual' like Robbie Williams or Sandi Toksvig.
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
can you vote for yourself?
Posted by Skalski (Member # 852) on :
Jesus Christ, that's a grouping I'd like to avoid. I'll confess I'm a little stuck though, as I've not had the time to devote to past threads to find out more about you all - I was going to try and pick this up as I went along.
I can, however, give a small contribution based on your avatars:
For the men, I nominate Kovacs - the chiselled looks, stern set of his mouth and the mask combine to form an overpoweringly sexual image. It's like he's undressing you with his eyes. He knows you want him.
Also, Thorn. Every sex poll should have a queen to liven it up.
For the ladies, VP's rampant pony has always given me the horn. Inexplicably.
Now I really am struggling though - the pictures are thin on the ground. Is Marmite a female or male condiment?
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Sidney - I blush. But also concur on the male sexxus front. Little Jonesy - bad boy trying to turn good, wicked sense of humour fronting vulnerability: doesn't it just make you want to shag his brains out then wrap him up in a fluffy wuffy blanky and wuffle his hair? And OhMyQuim - a subtle, one-liner grower with a twinkle in his eye.
As for laydeez, I'd like to give it up for the now elusive DiscoMargarita. Smart-talking, capital-eschewing wise-ass with her tits on upside-down in a Tudor stylee. Rrrrrroaw. And having seen Scrawny bump and grind on the dancefloor, while I re-inserted Bandy's tongue into his mouth, she'd have to get my second vote.
Posted by zebraboy (Member # 196) on :
Apparently elderly people is not on no more, it's older persons, regardles they'll always be cotton bobs to me.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
wrong hole! wrong hole! as the famous punchline goes.
Posted by zebraboy (Member # 196) on :
errrrr....wrong thread...as you are!
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
I'm voting DeeEm and Oobs, Oobs for the unstinting flirtatiousness and DeeEm for the pixie outfit, among other things. For the male posters... I'm going with kovacs and Thorn. It's all about authority, really, isn't it?
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Wow! His vote-swap ploy seems to have had a disastrous effect on Ringo's prospects. The smart money's now on Thorn, Jonesy or Omikin or Kovacs.
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
[reader's voice]come on, omikin![/reader's voice]
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: Thorn,
Woo-hoo! I am feeling well sexy at the moment - I'm wearing a literally brand new pair of pants, which I bought in an emergency after accidentally crapping in my last clean pair last night (clean-ish, I'd had them on for three days). While I was shopping for them, still commando, I accidentally collided with a six year old child, and it made me feel like a sex-pest.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Did kovacs really compare me to Cary Grant?
[ 16.02.2006, 11:29: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
Nice of me, wasn't it.
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
For the lads its gonna be Ben (for the recent description of him at meats bellowing as if he were still in the north) and Roy. I have no idea what he looks like but all that flirting with Ralph has got me going. And I don't like beards. Sorry Ralph.
For the ladies its gonna have to be Vogon Poetess despite her recent deep dicking (to quote Thorn) and Abby. Again, no idea what she looks like but her tag is kinda sexy.
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
quote:Originally posted by squeegy: I have no idea what he looks like but all that flirting with Ralph has got me going. And I don't like beards. Or dickheads. Sorry Ralph.
poor ralph. Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
from where i am sitting i can see carey's grant's birthplace from the window! right now! there it is! look! you cant see it, because youre not here with me, but if you were, youd be able to see it. the one with the lamppost outside. that one. look.
(this entire post is a fabrication, because i am not sitting on the street where carey grant lives, i am sitting in an internet cafe about five minutes walk round the corner. but i could very easily be sitting in a room across from carey grant's birthplace posting on tmo. if you like, i will go and find a post that i wrote from across the road from carey grant's birthplace to prove it. or you could just take my word for it.)
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Oh yes, Roy. I'd forgotten about him. He touches me somewhere inside, so can come third.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
BM, please can you tell me for what other reasons i am sexy apart from the elf costume, because i think i look about 13 in that picture, and i would hate to begin harbouring suspicions that you are some sort of peeder. i mean, i know youre not, but for my own peace of mind, please can you list all the other reasons why i am sexy other than the fact that i once let someone take a picture of me in a fake fur tabard. (well, i say once....)
[ 16.02.2006, 11:05: Message edited by: dance margarita ]
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Wasn't it Black Mask who voted for you because of your elfin good looks?
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
...
[ 16.02.2006, 11:04: Message edited by: ben ]
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
Sorry but I have to point out it is Cary Grant.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
There's the tits, wit and intelligence, too. Hope that clears shit up.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Not to be confused with Carrie Grant, rigid-haired singing tutor on Fame Academy. Or is that who you meant?
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
lol, thankyou jonesy. i am bad at posting at the moment. it has been a long time.
i thought carey looked wrong and i was going to type that i was having a 'kovacs- excellent' moment, but i googled it that way and got results. so i never.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
I second Danger Mouse - again for the rack, the fun and the smarts.
[ 16.02.2006, 11:09: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
gaelic for danger mouse is "donnie murdo".
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Do you speak gaelic then, Brawnmeister?
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
Someone could do a mocked-up series of three film posters with Donnie Brasco, Donnie Darko and then one of Dangermouse with Donnie Murdo under it, ha ha
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
motherfucker! now my votes are going to look like the eurovision song contest when all the balkan states vote for each other, and terry wogan is all like, 'yeah, right, slovenia, good choice, bosnia- herzogovina were blatantly the best even though their song sounded like an armed gang rape in a bontempi depot and the lead singer was either a man or a woman or a depilated horse in a bomber jacket, but im jiggered if id bet my last farthing on a bet as to which.'
which is not to say that either jonesy or BM are the bosnian- herzogovinian eurovision entries of TMO. they are 1988 era johnny logan solid gold douze pwuhn all the fucking way to the podium. but i cant vote for them so i am voting for omikin and ben. reasons: CRAVAT. PIG- TUSSLING. RUSSIAN LITERATURE. HAIRY LEGS. KNOWING THE GAELIC FOR DANGERMOUSE.
girls: abby, because she is fucking fit, and herbs, because she makes i larf and i reckon shes muck- filthy.
Posted by LowLevel (Member # 30) on :
Hmmm... Arsebiscuits... I had convinced myself that I wasn't going to post on this thread 'cos I don't think about any of you in THAT way...
However, upon reflection, I suppose...
GIRLZ Apart from the obvious Amy Whom I may, or may not have conversed with off-board.. And sent flowers to all the way to sunny Philly. And the equally obvious Ageing Grace After the O'Neals Meat... Remember the walk to the taxi Benwah?
It would have to be Modge just.. Because.. and probably, after a bit of forite-stylee development Kira
BOYZ The first choice would be our very own beige metrosexual Terriervax 'Cos he's really cool in a line-drawn pre-distopian melange kind of way. And.. Erm...
Flip....
Bandy - Geek chic is the new black I suppose.. He's got the whole bumbling Clark Kent thing going on, and seeing as how he 'bagged' old-skool swoonmeister Scrawny Scroggins he must have a todger like a walrus with elephantiasis...
You'll notice that I have replied even though no-one has mentioned me... Cunch of Bunts that you are...
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: Do you speak gaelic then, Brawnmeister?
one or two words, yes.
one being "danger", the other being "mouse".
who wants to vote for me now, huh? oh yeah.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
quote: originally posted by DAnce Margarita: KNOWING THE GAELIC FOR DANGERMOUSE
ungrateful **** . can i change my vote to lowlevel please.
Posted by LowLevel (Member # 30) on :
quote:Originally posted by dance margarita: can i change my vote to lowlevel please.
Now that's what I'm talking about...
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
dm - i meant who else wants to vote for me now...
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: Wow! His vote-swap ploy seems to have had a disastrous effect on Ringo's prospects. The smart money's now on Thorn, Jonesy or Omikin or Kovacs.
See, I'm like the Michael Schumacher in the Sexy F1. Everyone hates me because it's so obvious I shoudl win.
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