Isn't it?
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
Sure is, sista. It sure is.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
hello amp, good weekend?
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
we need some Harleynotes to get this place rocking again.
How is everyone that is here? I hope you are all well. I am okay. Thank you. Bye.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Hi, sorry I'm not around right now. If you'd like to leave me a message, I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
Good morning everyone. I hope you're all well.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
We need some fresh blood to liven this place up.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
i am seriously hungover. last night i went to two free drinks events and got absolutely smashed. i was meant to see the lemonheads play but it was cancelled. i blame evan dando for my headache
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
I've got the makings of a cold but I'm ignoring and hoping it will go away. I've got a headache from reading too many posts about The Prestige. Someone gave me a cool link to something called http://twittervision.com/ which is kind of hypnotic - Dang might like it as he's into geotagging and web 2.0 etc. And mart I am I am not.. if you get what I mean - re: the Yellow Brick Toad thing on the other thread.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
Right. I'm off to the local swimming baths. The 'Parents & Tots' session starts at 12.
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
That's either sickening or cute dependent on whether you are taking a tot.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
Or are you going with your folks, Zygote?
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Do swimming pools still have 'viewing galleries' ?
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tilde: And mart I am I am not.. if you get what I mean - re: the Yellow Brick Toad thing on the other thread.
Yeah I know that, notty. I was just a) amazed that you had found a web link to a band I was in as a teenager, and b) confused about where you got those lyrics from, which had nothing to do with us.
I'm still happy for you to answer those questions, on this thread, if you like.
Like.
Innit.
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
No, I'm going with the doting father Zygote, happily splashing around in the small pool with his blond haired 2 year old son, sharing some time together, the time that is allocated to them. Afterwards they go to the cafeteria and he gets his son a milkshake and some chips and three straws all different colours. Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart:
quote:Originally posted by Tilde: And mart I am I am not.. if you get what I mean - re: the Yellow Brick Toad thing on the other thread.
Yeah I know that, notty. I was just a) amazed that you had found a web link to a band I was in as a teenager, and b) confused about where you got those lyrics from, which had nothing to do with us.
I'm still happy for you to answer those questions, on this thread, if you like.
Like.
Innit.
Re; Link I did a search for yellow brick toad on google, I dunno who wrote that bio, it just came up.
Re; Lyrics I wrote them, although I would have been happier if I found some of your actual lyrics, google didn't turn any up though sadly. Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
One of our guitarists wrote that bio, I think.
Those were great lyrics!
Ours were, er, not very exciting. Except maybe the words to "Shine Your Purple Fountain".
No, thinking about it, they were shit as well.
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
What about "The Man from Del Monte Says No"?
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
All I remember from that one is that it was our funky number, and went "When the man from Del Monte, he says no..." ...but I don't know what actually happened when he did say no. Something about the dangers of globalisation and world politics and shit like that, I imagine, which is quite prescient for our maverick schizophrenic songwriter, considering that was written about 1985.
But maybe not. I was just the drummer.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
My filling fell out this morning. I feel bereaved.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
I've actually started my new job. Busy as fuck.
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
quote:Originally posted by London: My filling fell out this morning. I feel bereaved.
[Dang]Why, were you attached?[/Dang]
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
I thought you were looking a bit down in the mouth.
Or long in the tooth.
Or something.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
*punches self in the testicles Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by London: My filling fell out this morning. I feel bereaved.
Your filling fell out?
Oh, hang on, out of a tooth you mean. Gotcha.
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
What did you think she meant, her sandwich?
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
I seem doomed to have mournful power ballads stuck in my head. Today's private internal concert is it must have been lOOOOOOve, but it's OOOOOOOver, noooooow/it must have been gooooood, but I lost it somehow....
Also, you know like I've been looking after another secretary's profs for 6 months whilst she's on maternity leave....unsurprisingly, she's going to take another 6 months of paid holiday. The other secretaries who are also doing bits of her job don't seem to mind and haven't asked for more money. Am I going to look difficult if I say I feel like a mug for doing extra work for nothing?
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
Yep.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tilde: What did you think she meant, her sandwich?
Well, it's lunchtime so I'd better not post up a picture of what I thought, but not sandwich filling, no.
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
urgh
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Dang, dang, dang...
Did you think 'filling' was used here as a (possibly mildly derogatory) replacement for 'current squeeze' ?
Ew.
Or something period related?
Ew. Posted by Lickapaw#2 (Member # 1049) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart: *punches self in the testicles
*Punches mart in the testicles Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
*punches zygote in testicles Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Did you think 'filling' was used here as a (possibly mildly derogatory) replacement for 'current squeeze' ?
Ew.
Or something period related?
Ew.
...
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
Filling, dental, amalgam, brrrrzzt, drill, ew, scary. God. You lot.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tilde: No, I'm going with the doting father Zygote, happily splashing around in the small pool with his blond haired 2 year old son, sharing some time together, the time that is allocated to them. Afterwards they go to the cafeteria and he gets his son a milkshake and some chips and three straws all different colours.
As nice as that sounds, I went alone.
There wasn't much to report back in the way of sexy, young, single Mothers, however there was a fat bloke there who unwittingly made me swallow large amounts of chlorine through laughing.
He proudly emerged from the changing rooms, donned in bright red trunks; huffing and puffing his way around the perimeter of the pool, clearly struggling to come to terms with the arduous exercise ahead of him. The fat bloke then sat at the side of the pool with his feet dangling in the water. This he did for a good fifteen minutes, at which point he decided to actually get in the water. 'Ah ha!' I mused. 'He's finally going to use his alloted, sixty minutes swimming time to... swim! Good lad!'
He didn't. Instead he started talking to two little old ladies in the shallow end for a further fifteen minutes, before clambering out of the pool and calling it a day. Fat people eh...
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
He should be punched firmly in the testicles for behaviour like that.
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
Hello. I saw something rubbish in one of the London papers the other day, where you text in a short story of no more than 100 words on a given subject and win something. More free London papers, no doubt.
I thought that might be fun to try. It IS quiet, and maybe we can pull people out of the woodwork with a small, short-form writing competition.
So - the subject of our story is: breakfast. I am about to poster first. you may get going in the meantime, though.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
He sat upright as she entered. She wasn't carrying her usual cup of tea, but a whole tray of food. Scrambled eggs! Guilt briefly rolled through his chest as she placed the try in front of him. How long could he keep this up?
This - darling - this looks amazing.
He leaned up to offer another dry kiss onto her dry cheeks. He could smell that she hadn't cleaned her teeth yet.
He maintained eye contact as he ate, making noises to indicate satisfaction. She watched every bite go down, swallowing hard at the butterflies in her stomach.
[ 15.05.2007, 09:40: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
there you go, you bunch of fucking *****. HAve a fucking story.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Zygote, I reckon that was the same fat fucker I saw in the College pool the other day. Sat daydreaming on the side of the pool, kicking his legs idly in the water, and then sat in the spa pool for a bit. And he was ginger.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Sometimes she found it hard to cope with his unending enthusiasm. One potential backer had called his idea “a genius collective business concept”, before pulling out. And though the bills piled up, she never lost faith in him. But one can only take so much. So her heart sank that morning when she saw that maniacal look of glee in his eye once more, a look she knew well – another desperate initiative to keep his concept afloat.
"Something new this morning darling! Try these. They’re going to revolutionise breakfasts forever!"
"What are they?"
"Organic HuddleFlake Muesli Pops! They’re genius!"
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
lolol, you fucker.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
Here's a thing not many people know about Scrawny. A while back, when I was at a meet with her, I actually pinched a lock of her hair. With a bit of help from d666 I was able to produce a living clone, incredibly with all her memories and experiences intact. I would up selling the clone to ben, who to this day keeps the clone in his windowless basement, wired up to feeding tubes and waste evacuation pipes, and when his wife is too tired from childcare and housework to sate his monstrous appetite, ben heads down to the basement with a candle, where he abuses the clone with cigarettes and his fingers. For some time, I was wracked with guilt by this, and eventually screwed up the courage to explain to Scrawny that this sentient creature who shared her every memory, life experience and feeling was trapped in an endless torture. Her reaction was simply a shrug and the comment "Rather her than me!" Then she turned back to scouring the Cargo catalogue for shiny things to buy.
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart: Sometimes she found it hard to cope with his unending enthusiasm. One potential backer had called his idea “a genius collective business concept”, before pulling out. And though the bills piled up, she never lost faith in him. But one can only take so much. So her heart sank that morning when she saw that maniacal look of glee in his eye once more, a look she knew well – another desperate initiative to keep his concept afloat.
"Something new this morning darling! Try these. They’re going to revolutionise breakfasts forever!"
Excellent, I didn't get it the first time.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: Zygote, I reckon that was the same fat fucker I saw in the College pool the other day. Sat daydreaming on the side of the pool, kicking his legs idly in the water, and then sat in the spa pool for a bit. And he was ginger.
It's fucking pathetic isn't it. I would say something to them, were it not for the fact that it amuses me greatly. I'd love to witness these fat-blokes-faking-exercise boasting to their equally obese friends about how much they go 'swimming', when in fact they might as well be sat on the fucking toilet. Corrupt cunts.
[ 15.05.2007, 09:53: Message edited by: Zygote ]
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
quote:Originally posted by scrawny: I am about to poster first
I bet Scrawny's story is going to be totally ace.
Really looking forward to it.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Can you feel the tension mounting.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
Breakfast by Scrawny
One Mojito, two Gin and Tonics, Three Bacardi Lime Sodas, a couple of pints of Stella, One Mojito, two Gin and Tonics, Three Bacardi Lime Sodas, a couple of pints of Stella, One Mojito, two Gin and Tonics, Three Bacardi Lime Sodas, a couple of pints of Stella, One Mojito, two Gin and Tonics, Three Bacardi Lime Sodas, a couple of pints of Stella, One Mojito, two Gin and Tonics, Three Bacardi Lime Sodas, a couple of pints of Stella, One Mojito, two Gin and Tonics, Three Bacardi Lime Sodas, a couple of pints of Stella, One Mojito, two Gin.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
That's a great ending. Really brings it all together, somehow.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
I like it's ambiguity - really lets you, the reader, make your own mind up.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
scrawny probably forgot that she supposed to be in LA or Tokyo or something.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
John walked into the smoky vault of the pub still dressed in his black suit. The court hearing had been adjourned. Again. 'Oh well..' he thought to himself. 'At least I get to spend the rest of the day in the boozer.'
Deafening laughter greeted John as he approached the bar. Bobby, a pub regular bawled, 'Fucking hell John! Where've you been? A fucking funeral?'
'Yeah, you prick. Your fucking funeral.' John paid for his pint of bitter and sat down with his 'friends'.
'So... Why you wearin' that shit suit anyway?' enquired Bobby, struggling to keep the grin off his sweaty, acne-riddled face.
'Well... do you remember that guy I twatted the other week?'
'Oh yeah. What a tosser. He fucking deserved it. So he's gone and pressed charges eh?'
'Yes.' snapped John. Taking a much-needed swig of his bitter, John noticed that the RSPCC charity lady was doing the rounds in the vault. He had decided, just recently, that the lady was not working for the RSPCC but, instead, was using the funds to satisfy her heroin habit. Eventually, she came to John and adopted the necessary woeful, charitable face, before thrusting the collection box under his chin.
'Fuck off,' he blasted. The lady's fringe blew back and her eyes streamed, such was the force of John's retort. It was at that point John felt the sharp prick in his thigh.
[ 15.05.2007, 11:13: Message edited by: Zygote ]
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
quote:Originally posted by scrawny: no more than 100 words
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
Did anyone else find it really romantic that Nicolas Sarkozy (that one out of France) has married his wife twice? First time, it turns out, he was the mayor of the suburb where she lived and one of his duties was to preside over marriages in the local Mairie (which is presumably the origin of the words 'mayor' and 'marry' - and then they all get drunk and 'merry' I suppose. Endlessly fascinating thing language.) - and he actually presided over the first marriage of his future wife.
It's like a Best Foreign Film this story, because later they met again and fell instantly in love and left their spouses (taking her two beautiful daughters with them, natch) and then he became Le President.
Edit: missed a bit!
[ 15.05.2007, 11:19: Message edited by: dang65 ]
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
quote:Originally posted by Zygote:
quote:Originally posted by scrawny: no more than 100 words
Also breakfast Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
That's not romantic if you're one of the original spouses. It's just a horrible story about being left by your husband/ wife for someone they liked better. Like being Bill Pullman in Sleepless in Seattle.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
*punches zygote in his full English Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
It's France. I'm sure they both had plenty of lovers in reserve, or just help themselves to someone else's wife. *gallic shrug* Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
Zygote pays the price for skim-reading. Again. I'll try not to post when not fully concentrating. Which is... most of the time.
Right, okay. Breakfast it is.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
what's the point? We've all been tricked by scrawny. Tricked into writing stories. There was no competition was there. Chances are your work will end up in the next sony bravia ad.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
*slaps Scrawny in face* Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
*punches mart in the testicles Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Can somoene write an amusing French farce about Nicolas Sarkozy trying to enjoy breakfast in bed with his wife, or possibly his lover -- who could be Segolene Royale herself. Maybe. Possibly played by Deneuve, a la 8 femmes.
Maybe that's what Scrawny's writing as we speak.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart: Can somoene write an amusing French farce about Nicolas Sarkozy trying to enjoy breakfast in bed with his wife, or possibly his lover -- who could be Segolene Royale herself.
Damn that would be hott.
Lots of room for plesidential erection gags too.
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: what's the point? We've all been tricked by scrawny. Tricked into writing stories. There was no competition was there. Chances are your work will end up in the next sony bravia ad.
You've built it up too much. I got distracted by a swiss roll and now I'll never be able to post it up. I can never fulfil your expectations, hence why it's a clone of me and not actually me that Ben's screwing in a basement.
It did get you all out of the woodwork, though. Tell you what - if someone else suggests a theme, I'll do one on that. Not that that's any kind of compensation.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
Yeah, if only someone else would suggest a theme. Come on Mart, get off your arse and suggest a theme will you?
Also, did you know that in France they call Segolene Royal, Segolene Quarter Pounder.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
Do one on 'lunch'.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
quote:Originally posted by scrawny: It did get you all out of the woodwork, though. Tell you what - if someone else suggests a theme, I'll do one on that. Not that that's any kind of compensation.
Sony Bravia Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts:
quote:Tell you what - if someone else suggests a theme, I'll do one on that. Not that that's any kind of compensation.
Sony Bravia
Is that a suggested theme or a suggested compensation?
[ 15.05.2007, 11:49: Message edited by: MiscellaneousFiles ]
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
The theme is 'clotting'.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
theme.
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
An uneventful breakfast
Cornflakes or Cheerios, that was the choice. He decided on Cheerios. He filled the bowl. Added milk. Got a spoon out the drawer. Sat down. Switched the television on. Ate. Afterwards he was still hungry. There were pop tarts in the cupboard. He put one in the toaster. It came out. it was hot. He burnt his fingers., bit it and burnt his mouth, blew on it and bit again, it was still too hot and it was horrible, he ate it anyway then got another. Just ate it raw in the car. It tasted worse, still ate it though.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Later that day he was voted President of France.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote: Authorities were led on a high speed vehicle chase by an armless, one-legged man, and they said this wasn't the first time the 40-year-old eluded police.
[oops wrong fourm]
[ 15.05.2007, 11:57: Message edited by: MiscellaneousFiles ]
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
*punches one-legged, armless man in the testicles Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
Maureen applied butter to the last of the three crumpets and called for her son, who was getting ready for school. 'Andy! Your crumpets are ready!' This proclamation was met with utter disgust from the child.
'Oh for fuck's sake Mum. We've had crumpets for the past two days now! I said, just yesterday, that I DIDN'T WANT CRUMPETS AGAIN! And what do you go and do, you useless fucking whore? You go and make me crumpets AGAIN!' With this, Andy sprinted into the kitchen and smashed his Mother in the side of the face. Blood spurted from her ears and, gradually, she slipped to the floor.
'S-s-s-son... What have you done that for?' pleaded Maureen. Andy was now booting her in the ribcage. Enough was enough. Maureen caught hold of her son's ankle and spun him around. Scrambling to her feet, clutching her bleeding ear and winded chest, Maureen realised that she had to take the initiative. Grabbing her son by the neck, she dragged herself over to the sink. 'Right. You little fucker. Put your mouth on the sink. Put-your-fucking-mouth-on-the-sink.' This he did.
The front door slammed. Brian was back from his thirty six hour drinking binge. 'Right! What the fuck's for breakfast?' Brian sat at the kitchen table and farted.
'Oh Brian. Do you have to?' mumbled Maureen.
And then a spaceship came down and blew everyone up.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
*sets rocket off up own arse Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I like Zygote's stories. They're like a mash of viz, pornography and inner city decay.
Posted by jnhoj (Member # 286) on :
Vp, regarding your work sharing.
A similar thing happened to me when I was 13. I was doing a paper round, quite a respected route than ran the length of Woods Rd in Chaddesden Derby, with often more than 20 papers. But that's by the by. Anyway, one day, my evil Indian Overlord split another round with me and another guy, pushing my papers up to around 35 papers.
I marched in there and demanded to know what her game was, she offered me a ten pence rise.
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