I recently passed a bit of a landmark. Well this morning, actually, when I stepped onto the scales and breached the magical 15 stone for the first time ever. What emotions this fills me with. Pride at the sheer amount of food I've put away in recent years; sadness that I couldn't have rammed yet more down my gullet; wistfulness in recalling all the items of clothing I can no longer wear without looking like some sort of grotesque pink mid-transformation Incredible Hulk.
Anyway, enough is emotherfuckingnough. In two months' time I'm going to a wedding in the Netherlands at which there will be a whole raft of people with whom I used to attend sixth form - the vast majority, I haven't seen in at least ten years. The idea of turning up and being clocked as having "seriously gone to fucking seed, man - God he was pitiful" is chastening to say the least... and I'm not usually all that bothered (or at least not bothered enough to stop eating crap) about my weight and general fitness, but this 'ben, a decade on' perspectinve kind of pulled me up short - as did the sight of some recently rediscovered snaps of me taken on the beach (more accurately: beached) in Cuba.
wtf is that sagging buttock of flesh that seems to be the focal point of each image? O that'll be the old stomach, then.
So: I have two months in which to make an impact on this wrecked and neglected system of mine. In order to spur myself on I thought I'd log my progress here, the better to make the threat of humiliation - even banishment - real if I should fail in my task. A good initial target, they always reckon is to shed around 10% of one's mass, which in my case would be about 21 pounds. Obviously there's little chance of doing this in just 60 days, but I could make a dent in it, I think.
I started this morning with yoga and a bowel of porridge; for lunch today I'm going to stick to fruit and yoghurt - with a comparatively normal main meal in the evening. Fans of my patented 'second breakfast' will be distressed to hear that I'm quitting the daily Full English for the duration - perhaps making it a fully grilled treat for a Sunday morning...
This evening I'll compound a day of starving agony with the tripple whammy of yoga, running and sit ups. It won't be fucking pretty, I can tell you.
Any encouragement, advice, motivational slogans very welcome - plus your own tearjerking tales of hand-to-hand combat with the demon flab...
[ 13.06.2005, 04:53: Message edited by: ben ]
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: Any encouragement, advice, motivational slogans very welcome - plus your own tearjerking tales of hand-to-hand combat with the demon flab...
My advice: don't get Misc started. Posted by SilverGinger5 (Member # 49) on :
I've been trying to do the same Ben, even to the extremes of giving up smoking for more energy and giving up drinking during the week. The bonus part of the giving up drinking is I don't eat as much because a meal isn't really a meal without a bottle of wine. Perhaps the best thing I can recommend is trying to find an exercise that you actually enjoy as then you're definitely going to stick at it. The best thing really is if you know someone else who also wants to lose some weight and likes the same activity as you, you can team up and motivate each other. Squash is an excellent one, lots of running, lots of fun, you can twat the ball into the back of your opponents thigh. It's all good.
Umm, motivational words.. how about..
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by statist: My advice: don't get Misc started.
LOL. Cheers!
Breakfast: A KitKat finger + blk Coffee Lunch: Banana Dinner: Something your wife can cook (vegetables and meats)
Misc:still 9.75 stones Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Misc:still 9.75 stones
STILL?! You should probably cut out the banana.
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
I'm 11 stone - My target is 10 stone and to lose my beer belly.
Good luck Ben !
Where's this wedding ?
Posted by Grianagh (Member # 583) on :
i'll join in if you want additional misery = company i've 11 pounds to shed, hide, lose, bury and otherwise get rid of to reach my pre-mart weight before the big 30
Posted by Grianagh (Member # 583) on :
uhmm would that mean i have to actually state my before weight?
and here's a tip <californian hippy mode> give up the dairy dude! </californian hippy mode>
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
I'm not sure what I weigh but would guess at about 12 stone. When I was about 20 I managed to weigh exactly the same as Misc. I also have the satisfaction of being one inch taller than him, giving me a superior BMI. I was looking at myself in the mirror at the weekend and was quite pleased to see the first signs of belt-overhang. I kind of like the idea of being middle-aged: it sets me apart from all the 20 year old skinnies that fuck me off so very very much.
But anyway, that was through rather experimental dieting. I used to practice skipping breakfast, and lunch and consuming a lot of apples. When dinner came around I used to eat a packet of Sanwa noodles from Morrisson's (usually curry flavour) which also had the advantage of costing only 19 pence. The only disadvantages I noticed were (a) my stomach occasionally used to have a paddy (b) I felt pretty fucked up more or less all the time. Except when I had been drinking, natch. Oh and (c) I used to shake a bit but that isn't really much better now, many years on.
So, yeah. If you want to lose weight, just eat a packet of Sanwa noodles a day. Or you could try eating half your dinner, going to the toilet and chucking it up, then eating the other half. Y'know, whatever works for you.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
*No-Fad-Diet.
Posted by SilverGinger5 (Member # 49) on :
*Backwards diet.
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by Grianagh: and here's a tip <californian hippy mode> give up the dairy dude! </californian hippy mode>
Do dairy dudes taste nice?
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
With you all the way, ben. Have been steadily gaining a pound here, a pound there for the last 6 months and am over my comfortable weight by a good few of the little bastards now. After a couple of weeks of dieting, I have shed 3 pounds. After just ONE weekend of eating cheese (colossal quantities to be fair) I have put them all back on again. I have two weeks (actually, less than that - 10 days) before I have to go and sit on a boat in a bikini with a load of blonde, waif-like cocaine addicts. This means I have ten days to lose the three pounds again, plus another four. This shall be mostly achieved through a diet of vegetable soup, grilled fish/chicken and vegetables, and wheat free everything. And jogging and swimming, and no alcohol or dairy. yeah yeah yeah. I'll race you to the sexy finish line Ben.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by SilverGinger5: *Backwards diet.
There is a certain logic to that, I suppose, having all your energy at the start of the day when it'll get burnt off. However, I can't help but think if I had an extra spicy chinese style lamb stir fry for breakfast I'd be feeling pretty goddamned ill for the rest of the day. It just seems fair to let your digestive system have a chance to warm up a bit before dumping 400g of carbohydrates, protein, and spice into it.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Actually, having just this second been writing about the astonishing defacatory disasters in the third world, I reckon your best bet to quick weight loss is surely going to be a devastating bout of gastro-eneritis coupled with diarrhoea.
[ 13.06.2005, 06:14: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: There is a certain logic to that, I suppose, having all your energy at the start of the day
Indeed. I've heard about it before as well. Well, not like that but the advice, if you're going to eat fatty meal, then it's better to eat it early in the day so you will actually be able to use the energy during the day, rather than go to sleep and fatten up.
Also:
quote: On this backwards diet, Cunningham went from a size 22 to a size 1 in nine months.
What is a size 1?
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: Actually, having just this second been writing about the astonishing defacatory disasters in the third world, I reckon your best bet to quick weight loss is surely going to be a devastating bout of gastro-eneritis coupled with diarrhoea.
I was wasting my life in front of some American sitcom (someone is a fat actress) last night and somebody suggested just that: get some parasite that will lost the weight for you. Another method was also suggested that was called the coy carp diet or something. Those fish that grow depending on the size of their environment. All you have to do is move into a small house and surround yourself with dwarves an you lose weight. Yes, it was a shit sitcom.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: I started this morning with yoga and a bowel of porridge; for lunch today I'm going to stick to fruit and yoghurt - with a comparatively normal main meal in the evening. Fans of my patented 'second breakfast' will be distressed to hear that I'm quitting the daily Full English for the duration - perhaps making it a fully grilled treat for a Sunday morning...
This will help. Are you kidding when you said you had a full English every morning, because unless you wrestle be/oars for a living, I don't think anyone needs this kind of energy to get to work, only to be followed up a couple of hours later with a lunch.
Any encouragement,
advice,
motivational slogans very welcome
- plus your own tearjerking tales of hand-to-hand combat with the demon flab...
GoooOOOOOOO bNe!!
When you start to shift some weight, try to ignore initial hunger pangs that settle around pre-determined times. - Just before lunch, on the way home. If you are going to snack to fill a gap snack very, very lightly and often. When I worked as a chef, everyone was really lean because they would pick at the food that didn't go out onto plates and just skip lunch.
Remember: A fat bastard at Christmas is not for life.
Myself? Currently 9 stone. Which I find surprising really. There's nothing to me. But for a while now I've been shaving breakfast and lunch right out and eating early in the evenings. I must find time to get food in me in the mornings though. I'm happy with how I look at the moment, but it took a long time to shed the initial 'fat' I didn't lose or gain any weight, but just managed to tone up a lot. Let all the muscle come to the surface.
Finally - ignore all of the above and see what works best for you. Cheesey gay cliche, but troo.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I think I just described Miscs Ethiopediete didn't I?
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
yeah - ben, when you have hunger pangs, drink water or herbal tea instead and then wait for twenty minutes. It might be that you're just thirsty and the body is confusing the empty feeling for hunger.
Of course, it could also mean that your lunch of fruit and yoghurt didn't cut it and you're actuallly just starving to death. Have a herbal tea anyway. You'll feel better.
Gayest Dieting Tip Ever: Buy a shitload of herbal teas in as many random flavours as you can find. This way, the soul-destroying ritual of replacing bacon wiith flavoured water will at least have an element of unpredictability about it.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Criminy. 18 months after R moved in, I have put on about - actually, I don't know, I haven't got any scales. But I can't fit into any of my trousers any more, and have a pot belly that never used to exist. No doubt part of this is due to middle-aged spread, reduction of muscle mass, fall in metabolism blah blah, but the majority is due to the fact that three evenings a week used to comprise gym then soup, and now comprise no gym, big portions, and 'oh alright then just one glass... oh OK, two'.
I can fiddle around the edges with half-hearted jogs around the square outside, and only eating 'low GI' carbs, but I fear what is actually required is a rigorous exercise regime. How many calories get burned off by collecting aerobics classes timetables from various gyms?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by scrawny: This way, the soul-destroying ritual of replacing bacon wiith flavoured water will at least have an element of unpredictability about it.
I like this. It must be a mammoth task to filter out the part of the brain that craves salty, saliva inducing bacon and replaces it for a craving of a cup of redberry, thistle and woopsickle root tea.
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
It takes everything I have. And more.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I wish I had some mad drawing skills and a scanner in the office. I'd like to draw a visual representation, in the style of Manga, what Scrawny looks like resisting real food.
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
...'cept not as emaciated.
Posted by Toilet Duck (Member # 801) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: How many calories get burned off by collecting aerobics classes timetables from various gyms?
Depends how you collect them. If you get in your car and drive to gyms, not many. If you wander off around the the neighbourhood on foot looking for gyms, plenty. Round here, the calories burned off walking to our nearest gym warrant never going inside. Is a good plan, and so much cheaper.
I found getting a paper round to be a useful gym alternative. I have to go every week, whether I like it or not, so no finding excuses. Plus, the gym membership costs £60 a month (this can't be normal can it?) and I earn twice that for my deliveries.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by scrawny:
I hadn't realised that this piccy (or the version that was stolen anyway) is still missing. I thought they usually recovered these things fairly quickly.
It's quite exciting to think that something really famous can just disappear but still exist (presumably) and could turn up again one day. Maybe other famous things should be officially made to disappear for an unspecified time and then be brought back again as a surprise one day to make everyone go, "WOW!" instead of, "oh, it's that famous thing again.
Imagine if the Eiffel Tower was removed one night and stored in a shed somewhere secret until 2042 when it would be suddenly put back. Think of all the extra tourists Paris would get, a) from all the people that had seen the Eiffel Tower already and wanted to see what it looked like with just a space there, b) from all the people in 2042 who'd only seen photos and wanted to see the real thing, and c) from all the people that had seen it when they were young, before it disappeared and then wanted to relive their memories when it came back in 2042.
The Great Pyramids would work well too, although Atlantis did it first of course. Then I guess they just forgot which shed they'd put it in or something because it hasn't come back yet, and frankly I think they've missed their opportunity now.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
I think I lost a few brain cells posting that. How much do they weigh?
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by dang65: I think I lost a few brain cells posting that. How much do they weigh?
The idea of losing weight by losing brain cells is fundamentally a good one. There are, however, two problems associated with this technique: (a) the best way to lose the brain cells on a reasonable timescale is to drink them away and, unfortunately, lager cells seem to weigh more than brain cells; and (b) my dead brain cells just hang around in my head, trying to put the other ones off their job. Bastards. Hence there is no overall weight loss.
[ 13.06.2005, 08:04: Message edited by: statist ]
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Ben, I once saw a horrifying thread in Handbag Diets about dieting pills, for those who "eat healthily and exercise but just can't get thin!" So if your metabolism also defies basic laws of Physics, then this might be an option.
I don't want to lose weight, as I've no idea how much I weigh (last one I recall was for a Polish medical check in 2000, at 48 kg, which I still remember because I had no idea what a weight in kg meant). What I want is a body of firm tautness and toned suppleness. You know, like what people who do exercise have. Unlike a target weight loss, this is harder to quantify though. Unless I could use a spirit level on my belly? Where can you buy spirit levels?
However, there is no way the following words are ever going to be uttered from my mouth: "my gym", so I have to pursue other options. Yesterday I rang Crystal Palace to see what time the swimming pool was open, and it was closed all day! I mean, what am I supposed to do then?
Some tips for Ben:
- drink 1.5l of water before lunch out of a small bottle. This is obviously good for you, but also the act of walking to the tap to refill and to the toilet to piss it all out is exercise.
- don't dichotomise food into BAD and GOOD and make eating a martyr-ous activity. A bit of lard each day isn't going to kill you, as long as it's in moderation.
- take up ballet or ice skating. You don't see many fat ballet dancers or ice skaters, do you?
Posted by Grianagh (Member # 583) on :
quote:Originally posted by statist: Do dairy dudes taste nice?
obviously. one must give up anything with a nice taste - including dairy dudes
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
quote: Plus, the gym membership costs £60 a month (this can't be normal can it?) and I earn twice that for my deliveries.
Crumbs, thats a well paid paper round! I think I got about a tenner for mines when I was a kid.
Having eaten only half a pita bread and two biscuits since Saturday evening I was pretty hungry by lunch time today. So I decided I needed a nice big lardy lunch....maybe a PIE...yeah...and CHIPS...mmmm....lummy...But no, when I get to the cafeteria I discover that it is fucking 'Health Eating Week'. Great. No chips...no pies... rubbish.
Posted by Grianagh (Member # 583) on :
quote:Originally posted by scrawny: ...'cept not as emaciated.
is it bad of me to be glad i'm not the only one having trouble keeping the bulge at bay?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: Yesterday I rang Crystal Palace to see what time the swimming pool was open, and it was closed all day! I mean, what am I supposed to do then?
This always makes me chuckle. We had local swimming baths that was beautiful to swim in but they were open at some ridiculous time to the public at...I don't know 2.30pm on a Tuesday. It was almost as if it was punishing those by automatically excluding anyone who didn't dedicate their afternoon off for a swim in the nice swimming pool, rather than the Kojak inspired 'Oasis'
Don't be charmed by it's sweet orange glow. I once saw a disused needle inbetween all the tropical plants. I mean, who the hell goes to a swimming pool to shoot up? maybe that's where it's at. Scag and water slides.
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
Why do you care about what a bunch of people you haven't heard from in a decade think anyway, ben? Yeah, they may think ben hasn't become too fat, or maybe ben's wearing well, not too bad for his age or whatever. Maybe even one of them will realise that it was a mistake to reject your advances. But surely even this isn't actually going to make you walk away from this event a happier person. And if it did, it couldn't be too long before you reflected on the reasons for it all and the pointlessness of your weight loss.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
I have a tip. Do NOT do the cabbage soup diet. I unwisely undertook it before going to NYC so I could do all my bargain buying in a smaller size, which would encourage me to keep the weight off.
Net result: noxious gaseous odours - those entering the toilet after me had their hair turn green and frizzy; a feeling of gnawing emptiness only experienced by crazed skinnies like Teri Hatcher (did you SEE her on Jonathan Ross) and starving forrens; and lots of NYC-bought clothes still too small as as soon as you look at a carbohydrate after the diet you immediately bloat to twice your previous size.
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: Teri Hatcher (did you SEE her on Jonathan Ross)
I don't know if it was Jonathan Ross, but I certainly saw her on something a month or so ago. Actually, it can't have been Jonathan Ross. And her nose was really asymmetric; her nostrils were not even remotely like one another. It look like either a badly botched nose-job or she had taken a smack of some kind. Either is fine with me.
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
I don't read much in the way of aspirational mags so I'm not in with diet fashion, but is Atkins not in anymore ? I lost all my crimbo poundage - half a stone - in two weeks on that bastard.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: This always makes me chuckle. We had local swimming baths that was beautiful to swim in but they were open at some ridiculous time to the public at...I don't know 2.30pm on a Tuesday.
I think Crystal Palace is often closed for galas and national competitions and suchlike. But that doesn't help me to get fit, does it? And the brand new shiny sports centre here at Imperial still isn't built. I can't keep a bike as we live on the 11th floor.
Why don't we arrange a GetFitMeat? Based around something fun like ice skating. Or something that I can do, like horseriding.
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: Or something that I can do, like horseriding.
You won't get fit doing that. It's just sitting down. The horse is doing all the work!
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
Good for the thighs, and the bott, and the hip-flexors, horse-riding. I have a specialist dvd involving ladies, horse-riding and nudity. Which is a work-out in itself.
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
I should apologise to Ben for masturbating in his thread.
Where was I - ah yes, Ben - Atkins, that'll shift it.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: Why don't we arrange a GetFitMeat? ... Or something that I can do, like horseriding.
Funny you should say that. CYI. In a bit. probably tonight actually, I'm well busy at the mo.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by statist: [qb]It's just sitting down. The horse is doing all the work!
It depends on whether you do it missionary or not.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by statist:
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: Or something that I can do, like horseriding.
You won't get fit doing that. It's just sitting down. The horse is doing all the work!
Also, you can't give 'live on the 11th floor' as an excuse for not riding a bike but still say that horseriding is ok. Although I believe they do keep horses in tower blocks in some parts of Romania, but I expect their lifts work better over there.
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: I can't keep a bike as we live on the 11th floor.
Is Vogon council-housed then? Good Lord, does she have a gor-blimey brown childe and live off benefits whiling away our tax dollar monies on t'interweb? She should go get a job, the slovenly immigrant.
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
Is there no lift Veeps ?
Get a small folding bike or one of those little scooter step things that were so popular with the kids a couple of years ago..
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
Also, VP lives on the 11th Floor. Can anyone suggest any sort of exercise she could do? I'm completely stuck for ideas, apart from sliding down the banisters perhaps.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
My contribution to healthy living is always taking the stairs, eating salad two or three times a week for lunch, and never eating so much food that I feel 'full'. Doesn't work.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by dang65: Also, VP lives on the 11th Floor. Can anyone suggest any sort of exercise she could do? I'm completely stuck for ideas, apart from sliding down the banisters perhaps.
Bungee-Jumping?
Hang-Gliding?
Base-Jumping?
Chav-Gobbing
Suicide-Committing?
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Fucks sake.
1. Our home (for the next 3 months) is ex-office block, not ex-local authority. Penthouse flat with balcony. No scummers, just screaming infants.
2. There is a lift (to the 10th floor). Nowhere to keep the bike in the flat. Except on the balcony, but that's a bit pikey, innit?
3. The last time I saw my bike, it was relinquishing sadly in my dad's garage, covered in dust and with two perished tyres.
4. Horseriding involves a trek out to Wimbledon Common, hence I've only done it once since living in London.
5. I've started taking the stairs down out of the building, which counts as exercise. I do it because I hate it if the lift stops and lets someone else in before I get to the bottom. Somehow that feels like I've lost.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: Nowhere to keep the bike in the flat. Except on the balcony, but that's a bit pikey, innit?
Lole! And the class war was finally put to an end when the categories were fully established:
Live in flat: Poshness
Live in flat but store bicycle on balcony: Scum
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: Live in flat: Poshness Live in flat but store bicycle on balcony: Scum
God, that's a relief! I don't have a balcony.
[ 13.06.2005, 09:33: Message edited by: MiscellaneousFiles ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I remember when our posh neighbours invited the whole street around for a dinner party. They were so red faced when they suggested we all eat off trays in the living room. Their reputation was in tatters when the husband popped out for more lemonade and only came back with a 225ml bottle of Panda.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Actually, I'm not quite sure about it being necessarily "pikey", but it seems a bit wrong to me. I think I'm associating the thought of random stuff on balconies with random stuff (ie old mattresses) left out on driveways. I think it might also be some in-built childhood thing about not leaving bikes out in the rain. And the fact that it would leave tracks on the floor (laminate: shows up all movement) and scuff the paint (white: dirties if you brush it with a forefinger). And, crucially, I can't be fucked to cycle from Croydon to Kensington and back again.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
I just had a second lunch!
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
I did Kamon Wing-Chung Kung Fu for about three months a year or so ago, and I lost a bit of weight doing that. I also got to punch pre-teen girls in the face. What I mean is - have you thought about martial arts, ben?
[ 13.06.2005, 09:53: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Phew! What a response.
Thanks for the kind words and candid admissions - I've been stuck in a meeting for most of the morning and had to nip into town to buy greetings cards just now. For the first time in four years I managed to walk straight past the Whaler without popping in for a Library Special.
Instead I had a couple of apples, a couple of bananas, an orange and a Muller Light (magnolia colour). I don't feel too bad just yet - maybe a little light-headed. I'm expecting things to worsen as the afternoon progresses.
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Breakfast: A KitKat finger + blk Coffee Lunch: Banana Dinner: Something your wife can cook (vegetables and meats)
You see, I could just not do this. Breakfast and lunch are, to me, pleasurable activities that make up part of the daily routine. I'm sure with a bit of imagination and effort anyone can prepare meals that are enjoyable and give you something to look forward to; eating comfort food shite is really down to laziness on my own part, but just cutting out two thirds of the day's regular meals strikes me as lurching to the other extreme.
If all I had to look forward to at lunch was, like, a banana I'd rather be dead. Being thin might feel good but fucking hell, not that good.
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: This will help. Are you kidding when you said you had a full English every morning, because unless you wrestle be/oars for a living, I don't think anyone needs this kind of energy to get to work, only to be followed up a couple of hours later with a lunch.
Eating in Britain isn't about "energy need", it's about comfort, psychic wellbeing, moments of permissible abandon - practically everything but total calories going in matching total calories burned off. Most mornings I get up at around 5-6am and have a bowl of something, some toast or a bacon sandwich just as the Today Programme starts - ideally something that will take me up to the end of Today's Papers but will allow me to escape before the first Business News bulletin starts.
I'll get in to work around 7.30-8am, so by the time it gets to tea break (10am) I'll have a raging appetite: hence Full English. If it helps, I think people in Yorkshire are kind of like Hobbits with their extra meals. You can't fight a Nazgul without a bit of black pudding inside of you.
quote:Originally posted by Grianagh: uhmm would that mean i have to actually state my before weight?
and here's a tip <californian hippy mode> give up the dairy dude! </californian hippy mode>
As Vogon says later in the thread, I'm not sure divvying things into good and bad - or knocking out whole food groups - is really sustainable. Besides, cheese is the sort of thing you can appreciate the flavour of in tiny, tiny amounts. I mean, gorging oneself on Cathedral City is pretty good fun (I speak with authority here, having done little else in my spare time over the past two months since discovering this miraculous stuff) but there is a happy medium that can be reached.
It would be great if we could pacemake for each other over the next few weeks; rather than having to reveal before- and after-weights why not just set a target and give an idea how far/near off it you are. As I said, a 10% loss is the guide I'm using; it's all arbitrary but so longs as we're heading in the right direction...
quote:Originally posted by scrawny: I have two weeks (actually, less than that - 10 days) before I have to go and sit on a boat in a bikini with a load of blonde, waif-like cocaine addicts.
Pfft. Come off it Scrawners - I bet you're one of these babes who looks mas foxy with a little extra poundage; I, on the other hand, somehow manage to look bloated and weedy at the same time - like Charles Hawtrey suffering indigestion after eating Hattie Jacques.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
quote:Originally posted by Darryn.R: Where's this wedding ?
In a place called Bronkhorst Hoeve, Brummen. I am trying to work out where exactly the hell it is - the website is not really helping me.
Ever heard of it?
eta - Have just found it... near Arnhem. Hope we don't have to parachute in - something tells me that would be disastrous.
[ 13.06.2005, 10:07: Message edited by: ben ]
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
for the record scrawny, if you like, I can hang out on the yacht with the cocaine blondes. If you feel like it's too much of a challenge, I seriously would be okay with that.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: If all I had to look forward to at lunch was, like, a banana I'd rather be dead. Being thin might feel good but fucking hell, not that good.
I look forward to a decent meal in the evening, but I don't feel like food = happiness.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: Live in flat: Poshness
Live in flat but store bicycle on balcony: Scum
One of my favourite Sven Hassel quotes:
He was transferred to a miserable frontier district where the locals were so suspicious of each other that they took their bicycles into church with them.
Genius.
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
Yeah, I have heard of it ben, bit in the middle of nowhere but quite nice or so I hear..
How are you getting there? I can always get a route done for you in English if you want
EDIT - It's quite near Apeldoorn if that's any help, maybe an hour and a bit from Amsterdam down the A1 See the routeplanner: http://www.routenet.nl
[ 13.06.2005, 10:15: Message edited by: Darryn.R ]
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: I look forward to a decent meal in the evening, but I don't feel like food = happiness.
For the record, how highly does shagging rank on official good-for-weightloss exercise charts? Would, say, 20 minutes of vigorous sheet acrobatics equate to 20 minutes on a rowing machine, or 20 minutes of skipping perhaps? I mean, if it is as efficient as those then surely gyms could be replaced very quickly with drop-in brothelnasiums.
Couples could be matched up according to their size/weight, so if you were a fatty then you couldn't really object to being paired with another fatty, but you'd have the mutual goal and mutual pleasure of becoming fitter and (depending on taste) more attractive to each other each week, so it would be consistently exciting. Assuming you could get going in the first place I suppose.
This has Cult written all over it. Or C-u-something-t anyway.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
Yes of course but. I have this memory in my head that I like. It is 20 December 2004. Assorted TMO-ers drink pints in a fairy-light-strewn pub set back from Charing X road. Thorn Davis slides down the stairs. Tom Boy stutters. Mikee looms, as much as little man can. And Ben? He has unfastened the top button of his sky-blue work shirt. His tie - maroon, woven (I may be making this up) - is jauntily pulled askew; the knot loosened - shirt-fissure revealing a luscious follicular tuft ardorning his collarbones. The tuft dances as he takes copious swallows of amber nectar; the grip of his boar-killers squishes the ellipse of his malleable plastic pint-glass into an oval. Oh Ben!
'The thing is', he expounds, shifting his balance from foot to foot, pitching his considerable weight like an expert sailor, first left, then right; first back, then towards, the tuft heaving into focus, flaunting itself before my hungry eye-holes, 'thing is… EATING… is the most PROFOUND PLEASURE available to HUMANITY… epicureanism…is my RELIGION… to be thin is to be mean, meagre, miserable… I EMBRACE ABUNDANCE!' Then he opens his face, tips the pint down his insides, crushes the pint-plastic and, without removing his eyes from mine, shoves the shards mouthwards and starts to chew.
Can new Ben-Lite give me a better memory than that, I wonder.
[ 13.06.2005, 13:41: Message edited by: London ]
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
quote:Originally posted by ben: If all I had to look forward to at lunch was, like, a banana I'd rather be dead. Being thin might feel good but fucking hell, not that good.
I look forward to a decent meal in the evening, but I don't feel like food = happiness.
It's not a case of food automatically equalling contentment, but about how our bodies work. We're warm blooded and omnivorous and descended from opportunistic hunter-gatherers. We're not like reptiles who swallow a gazelle whole and then lie in the mud sleeping it off for the next four weeks.
I mean, how can you physically go to work on an empty stomach? Doesn't lack of food make your head ache and stomach growl so ferociously that people at the end of the corridor (acoustic vibration scientists) look up in surprise?
I don't see how you can survive on one meal a day, no matter how healthy that meal is. Your digestive system must spend 23.5 hours a day in sluggish slumber, only to be suddenly rudely awakened and overloaded. Also, the only metabolic fuel your brain can utilise is glucose. Without a steady stream of it, how can you even pretend to do any work throughout the day?
Looks like Evolution has a plan for Misc Files... Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
they did this on Richard and Judy one time, and I think it was 200 calories an hour. It was also, naturally, 'cheekily hilarious'.
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
Thanks Benners. Sadly, it's not true. Some people do indeed gain weight gracefully, filling out around the chest and arse to produce a well-fed, bloomy, J-Lo type effect. I however am more prone to weight gain on the thighs, stomach and (always a delight) the upper arms to produce an overfed Marjorie Dawes type effect. Besides, everybody knows the weight at which they feel happiest and most comfortable and confident, and this isn't it, waify blondes or no. So - a few weeks of healthy eating, exercise, and laying off the booze (with occasional organised slip-ups, obviously) can do me no harm whatsoever.
By the way, ben, go easy on that much fruit. If you're varying your diet to include fewer carbs and less stodge than usual, the acids in the fruit can make you feel bloated and wreak havoc with your stomach linig. Make sure you get some carbs (even if it's only a ryvita) in you in the morning and at lunchtime, as you'll need them throughout the day. The fatigue that comes wiith a diet is normally because people are munching on lettuce leaves and not getting enough slow-release carbs - whole grains, rye, pumpkin and sunflower seeds, and nuts. I understand if the pumpkin seed thing seems a step too far, but if you buy a bag of unsalted cashews and nibble a couple in the morning between breakfast and lunch (maybe with an apple) and again between lunch and dinner, you shouldn't be light-headed or find it difficult to concentrate.
Sorry to go on - I just found this book extremely useful - you're never hungry, you get to eat a load of stuff that, whilst not exactly a library special, tastes pretty good and fills you up, and you feel like fucking dynamite after one week. The food doctor himself is a bit of a smarmy bastard, but if you can get over that (remember that Allen Carr has also written a diet book, thus plumbing new depths of smarminess in the starvation industry - nothing is as bad as that) then you're well on your way. Email me if you want more info.
*Sigh* I have just realised that if I went on Mastermind, the only subject I would be qualified to answer rapid-fire questions on is diets. Kill. Me. Now.*
*Alternatively, fill me with knowledge about another specialist subject.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Thanks Darryn - I guess we'll be Jet2ing it into A'dam then somehow getting to Brummen. Things might become clearer as the stag do (July) hoves into view. We were speculating on whether it might be nice to spend a couple of days in the capital after or before the wedding, but itall depends on how finances are... will keep you posted at any rate.
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: for the record scrawny, if you like, I can hang out on the yacht with the cocaine blondes. If you feel like it's too much of a challenge, I seriously would be okay with that.
I was waiting for an offer. Non-transferable flights are a real bastard though....
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: I mean, how can you physically go to work on an empty stomach?
Walk for two minutes. Get on the train. Walk for three minutes. Sit at desk.
quote: Looks like Evolution has a plan for Misc Files...
All I can tell you is that I've got used to it. For the first couple of weeks, my stomach did gurgle more than usual, and I felt a little light-headed from time to time, but since then I've adapted to it. I don't feel unwell anymore, in fact I feel much better.
A similar change of lifestyle happened when I started this job. Before that, as a student, I slept for around ten hours a night - often considerably more. When I realised that 9 hours of my day were being stolen by work, I adapted to a new routine of five hours a night. Again it was tough at first, but considerably easier as I got used to it.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: they did this on Richard and Judy one time, and I think it was 200 calories an hour. It was also, naturally, 'cheekily hilarious'.
So, how does 200 calories an hour match up to other forms of exercise?
Only food I have to hand here is a packet of reduced fat cream crackers (I don't know why either) and it says, "each cracker contains 130kj (31kcal)". What does that mean? Is a kcal 1000 calories, like a km is 1000 metres? Surely one cream cracker can't contain 31,000 calories can it? That would need 155 hours of shagging to work off, and even I'm not sure if I could manage that much.
Or is a kcal 1000th of a calorie, like... well, like what? You get mm = 1000th of a metre. They can't have changed the format just for this measurement can they?
No wonder I've got a fat tum. Being slim is just so complicated and confusing.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Oh Dang... how innocent and unsullied by calorific concerns you are. A kcal is what people mean when they say calorie, otherwise heavens! How fat we'd all be if one cream cracker, surely the most grimly enjoyment-free food item of all, contained 3100 of the buggers.
As for energy of shagging, 200cals an hour seems a bit measly. That's about the same as brisk walking, or similar non-enjoyable pursuit. Though I suppose you wouldnt keep up brisk shagging for an hour - breaks to go to the loo, rest your back and suddenly remember the washing's still in the machine would bring the average down quite a long way.
Posted by Grianagh (Member # 583) on :
for the record - when you give up dairy you can still have goats cheese, milk sheeps cheese eggs
dairy (to me at least) = cows milk which is hard to digest
anywhooo
i'm crouched at the table nibbling on hummous and mangetout applying for jobs that no one seems to want to give me considering doing 30 min on the rowing machine
thats exercise in itself, innit
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: Oh Dang... how innocent and unsullied by calorific concerns you are. A kcal is what people mean when they say calorie...
O... K. I still don't get it, but I dimly recall hearing that before. I'll try and file it away properly this time.
I guess shagging is a bit of a non-starter for sustained exercise, due to various factors, including those you mention. Bloody shame though. Cycling's OK, but I don't have a silly grin on my face afterwards, or share a ciggy with it.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
quote:Originally posted by scrawny: Sorry to go on - I just found this book extremely useful - you're never hungry, you get to eat a load of stuff that, whilst not exactly a library special, tastes pretty good and fills you up, and you feel like fucking dynamite after one week.
That sounds good, actually - though the old defences are up after reading an interview with the grotesque "Doctor" Gillian McKeith that was in The Observer Food Porn Monthly... how anyone can still take that dreadful old charlatan seriously I have no idea. But I'll check that out the next time I'm in town.
lol @ London - see below: ben and Miscellaneous Files, Christmas 1864 Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by dang65: Bloody shame though. Cycling's OK, but I don't have a silly grin on my face afterwards, or share a ciggy with it.
The Whore House <> The Gym of the Future!
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: The Whore House <> The Gym of the Future!
did you mean to use the not equals sign there ?
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
I think he is implying in a roundabout way "more or less" - at least that was my take on it.
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
oh - I always use the hump-backed bridge sign for that.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vanilla Online Persona:
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: The Whore House <> The Gym of the Future!
did you mean to use the not equals sign there ?
Yes. As Dang pointed out, sex just isn't calorie-burning enough to render the knocking shop an effective gym replacement.
It's a funny idea though... You turn up, and decide which of the machines to use. Then you'll probably spend five minutes on one, before you get bored and think "Ooh, I'll have a quick go on that one instead". Then it's off to the showers and home in time for a couple of steak and onion pies and a large chips.
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
Right. I simple study of energetics by statist:
A calorie is the amount of energy required to raise the temperature of one gram of water by one degree (at a pressure of 1 atmosphere). What is referred to as 1 "food" calorie is 1 "chemical" kcal, yes. So, 1000 food calories is the amount of energy required to raise the temperature of 1kg of water by 1 degree. This is 4.18kJ.
4.18kJ is the amount of energy required to raise a 1kg mass by 427 metres in the earth's gravitational field (at sea level). Or, to raise a 10kg mass by 42m or to raise a 10kg mass 42 cm 100 times. I.e. to burn off a single calorie, you would have to benchpress 10kg 42 times. I.e. to mechanically burn off a 500 calorie meal, you would have to burn off bench press 10kg 21,000 times. As if that's possible.
What about homeostasis? Each person radiates away heat at 1kW = 1kJ per second. So by heat radiation, a person loses 1 kJoule every second so burns off 1 "food" calorie (4200kJ) every 4.2 seconds. So to burn off a 500 calorie meal you would have to exist for about 40 minutes. Hmmm, that seems too easy. I must have got the 1kW bit wrong.
[ 13.06.2005, 11:22: Message edited by: statist ]
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Yes. As Dang pointed out, sex just isn't calorie-burning enough to render the knocking shop an effective gym replacement.
It's a funny idea though... You turn up, and decide which of the machines to use. Then you'll probably spend five minutes on one, before you get bored and think "Ooh, I'll have a quick go on that one instead". Then it's off to the showers and home in time for a couple of steak and onion pies and a large chips.
That's just a lack of character. I always leave my machines with a large tip. Sometimes I hold them all night long.
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
Low calorie diets don't work.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
I like you literal approach, Statist, but surely there are other things that need to be taken into account. I mean even at your most slothful you're not just burning off calories through heat. Your heart's going at it 70 or so times a minute, you're breathing, your moving around doing stuff like reaching up to the top shelf of the fridge for another bucket of ben and jerrys, or getting up to go and choose another DVD to watch while hurling Doritos down your throat etc.
Plus, with a big workout, it's not just the energy you expend during the workout - you keep burning energy off afterwards as your body knits up your broken muscles etc.
Plus, you're failing to take into account the possibility that transforming kcals into energy is a totally efficient process. How much energy is lost when it's being processed by your body?
[ 13.06.2005, 11:39: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: I like you literal approach, Statist, but surely there are other things that need to be taken into account.
Oh, absolutely. But like all nerds of my type, I was only accounting for the ones I knew how to account for and hoping nobody would notice the other ones.
How much energy is burnt in breathing or by a pumping heart? I haven't the faintest idea. I was trying to point out that simply using energy consevation produces a rather odd looking picture. Even though I did fuck up the maths the first time, how can doing fuck all for 40 minutes be the energetic equivalent to 21,000 bench presses?
[ 13.06.2005, 11:33: Message edited by: statist ]
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Operating a computer uses 122 calories an hour.
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Operating a computer uses 122 calories an hour.
Calories of kcal?
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
and, it must depend on whether or not you are wanking yourself off at the same time.
[ 13.06.2005, 11:40: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by statist: Even though I did fuck up the maths the first time, how can doing fuck all for 40 minutes be the energetic equivalent to 21,000 bench presses?
Well, you work up a sweat don't you? So you're radiating loads loads more heat off. The energy being burnt off during a workout wouldn't just be about literally the amount of weight moved, by also the amount of heat generated by doing it. It suggests that humans are pretty inefficient, ie that in using enough energy to shift 10kg, they actual also expend maybe about the same ( or loads more, or whatever) in heat, but it does make your figures start to make more sense.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
My downfall is basically my appetite. It's not even a particular love for food as I'll enjoy a tasty salad, and then eat three slices of bread and butter just to "fill me up". I don't feel weak if I don't eat large amounts of food, I just need a distraction from the habit of sating my appetite.
If we go on holiday, or if I have some grim DIY job to do which takes me all day, like building a fence in the garden or something, then I barely touch food. Sitting at a desk, however... well, I'll eat without giving it a thought. Bag of crisps, sandwich, choccy biccy, bit of fruit, it all just goes in without any genuine requirement or even savouring of flavour. It's just crap, which I know, but it's habit.
I gave up smoking by breaking my habit, not just by saying I'm not going to smoke any more, but by changing my routine so that the times when I'd normally light up were removed - like I started cycling instead of driving so I didn't light up in the car.
Now I need to do the same thing with eating, but I eat at my desk, and I can't leave my desk. This sounds like an excuse, and it is, but it's also true that I need to change my routine in order to change my habits.
Maybe an appetite suppressant? Anything recommended, apart from a dead rat in a jam jar you have to sniff when you feel hungry. Which might work, but could be a bit messy.
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: Well, you work up a sweat don't you?
Well exactly, it must be something like that. The point being that by exercising, it's not the actual mechanics of the exercise that's causing the weight loss but the more prolonged effect it has on the body. I.e. feeling knackered for 4 days.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: and, it must depend on whether or not you are wanking yourself off at the same time.
Masturbation in 'not aid to weight loss' shock - the proof: Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
yeah, but he seems to have the ability to orgasm spontaneously at the mention of a film based on a comic book. I doubt he needs to do any actual wanking!!!! COOL!!!!
[ 13.06.2005, 12:02: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
quote: Maybe an appetite suppressant? Anything recommended, apart from a dead rat in a jam jar you have to sniff when you feel hungry. Which might work, but could be a bit messy.
The anti-smoking drug Zyban might be an idea as it works as an appetite suppressant too. Trouble is, it may suppress your appetite for life. Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by OJ: The anti-smoking drug Zyban might be an idea as it works as an appetite suppressant too. Trouble is, it may suppress your appetite for life.
quote:Nick Hirst, of Prestbury, Cheshire
I think it's a bit unfair to blame Zyban when there's clearly the factor of living in England's Most Fake Village to take into consideration. I cycle through it every day, and if it was safe to cycle with your eyes closed then I would do. You know how the ultimate in tasteless fashion is to put stone cladding on modern houses? Well, Prestbury has actually trumped this by putting cobble-cladding on its roads. And Wayne Rooney is having a house built there. It's actually a relief to get to the sewage farm on the outskirts and take a deep breath of something genuine.
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
How's it going Ben? Have you passed out at your desk yet?
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Hullo Scrawny.
I'm afraid I had a pretty serious relapse last night. D found me at 5.20am this morning passed out on the kitchen floor, surrounded by half a dozen empty tins of Fray Bentos steak and kidney pie as well as plastic wrappers that previously contained seven kilos of 'Billy Bear' bear-faced reconstituted ham.
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
SO you decided on the Atkins diet then.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Sorry - just kidding... I have managed to stick to a much reduced/improved diet during the day with a normal meal in the evening. "Official" weigh-in is tomorrow, but I've had a couple of sneaky weighs and cutting out 2nd breakfast already seems to have had an impact.
I just need to up the exercise end of the project and I'll be motoring, I reckon. Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
Have you cut down on drinking? The booze factor is often under-rated. Empty calories.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Man I hate that phrase - as if people would ever pour themselves a drink in order to benefit from the full calories, ffs. "Ah yes, Tennants Super Strength - the cornerstone of any nutritionally balanced breakfast."
No. No way - booze is an indispensible psychic prop for dealing with the modern world. I've done that teetotal thing and it sucks harder than Rebecca Loos in the sudden death round of a blowie contest. "Moderation" is even worse.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vanilla Online Persona: Have you cut down on drinking? The booze factor is often under-rated.
I agree it's underrated. Last time I successfully lost weight was when I was working away from home and was out in the boozer every night. I'd probably have four or five pints and maybe a bag of crisps, walk to and from the pub and stand up most the evening. Now I hardly drink at all, spend a lot of time sitting down, and eat a meal with the family every evening.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
i have lost weight recently and i think it is because of totally excessive alcohol consumption. barely eat now and maybe the alcohol fucks up your body's ability to absorb carbs and fat? probably not the best diet plan, but certainly less austere
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
I suspect that once the government finally extend pub opening hours beyond Indian take-away opening hours we will see a large drop in male obesity in this country.
Posted by Phoenix (Member # 809) on :
It's possible that your old schoolmates won't even recognise you... at least at first. If they've not seen you since 10 years ago then that might be the case.
I went to a funeral a couple of months ago, and some of my old schoolmates were there. We hadn't seen eachother in about a decade either. God, they looked totally different.
What I'm saying is that if you don't manage to lose the weight then you might be able to get away with pretending to be someone else. Posted by Physic (Member # 195) on :
I got my body fat percentage calculated when I was at the gym today, apparently I have 16.8% body fat, am I right in thinking that's not too bad?
As for the booze thing, I did give up booze for a while last year, it definitely made a difference but it depressed the hell out of me, these days i just try to stick to wine during the week and to not overdo it on the beer, I don't always succeed but making the effort seems to have made a bit of difference.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
No fear, Phoenix - by foregoing 2nd breakfast I have managed to shed..... drumroll
five pouns!
I suspect, however, that this was the 'easiest five pounds' - will have to step things up a little next week to keep on losing. I mean winning!
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
Yeah, man, it's just water.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Way to harsh bens diet boner.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Try excercising. Tennis is great excercise with a sympathetic partner, as you can choose how energetic you want to be. Usually I start off with some gentle rallies, followed by an hour or so of quite furious playing, and then another hour of gentle practice. I'm actually getting rather good. Usually play for about 3 hours each time, but my mates are a bit rubbish and usually get worn out before me.
And it's great for you, because it's one of those few sports that lets you work virtually every part of your body.
I'm also thinkng about getting some weights. Quite often, flabbyness isn't caused so much by fat, but by the relaxation of muscles.
Saying that, Ben, I think you're probably at a stage in your life where you should enjoy getting a little larger. 'dad fat' if you like. Nobody wants a skinny dad, obsessed with his body. Just bear it in mind.
Also, there is nothing wrong with being 15 stone Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Good rec, Ringo. I used to play a little as a youngster but lost interest once I started having to wear glasses - now I have contacts I could probably get adequate again. Only problem is finding a partner for regular sessions, though a pal is back from Australia for a couple of months... I should maybe have a go with him.
I hear what you're saying about the benefits of bulk and, on the whole, I'm not too bothered about being bigger - in fact I prefer it: a gruesome 6th form era pic that Omikin emailed across the other day proved beyond a doubt that I suit a bit of extra poundage.
I'd just like to get to the point at which my gut doesn't completely bulge out in all directions; rather than weight, I'd really like to get back to a 34" waist. 34 is, in my head at least, the last girth at which jeans still look good - from 36" onwards they start to look like a sack of shite.
Beyond 38", you might as well tuck a copy of The fucking Sun in the back pocket.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
How right you are, but espcially if said waist is accompanied by unfeasably skinny legs. That's just the worst. Especially when those legs are on display, under a pair of blue tartan shorts. Generally accompanied by a too-tight replica England football shirt, flip flops and a very red face. Oh, and a pint of wife beater. Yeah, you don't want to look like that, that's not a good look at all. If there were any danger whatsoever of you ending up looking like one of those people it would be worth developing body dysmorphia and some really fucking nasty eating disorders, if it meant you could avoid that particular affliction.
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
Tennis is a bit .. well, Tim Henman really. Its not a proper northern sport. In fact, its a little bit gay and south-easty. Though there's nothing wrong with that I'm sure. Also, if you don't fancy doing it, you only have one person to let down. Teams or clubs are better in that regard. You're a big hefty lad, not a fat lad, so things like rugby, judo/ju-jitsu or kayaking might be better. Sports where your upper body strength is an asset rather than disadvantage. As an aside, for sheer butt reduction you can't get much better than kick-boxing.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
How much space does a tennis court take up? I fancy getting one in the garden, seeing as there's six of us living there so there's bound to be a couple up for a game at any one point. Do you have to get planning permission and all that?
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
Apart from swimming, what exercise can you do if you're still a fucking limping cripple who walks with a walking stick borrowed off a man with learning difficulties? I used to love step aerobics, hahaha. Since riding my bike again my left wasted cripple calf has regained some of its bulk, but it's no match for its healthy twin. Should I be going on the bikes / rowing machines at the gym? How dull. Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Could you do standy-still exercises, like squats and that? To make it a bit more exciting, you could hold the back of a chair and pretend you're at the barre, limbering up before wowing the audience with your version of Swan Lake.
[dalston aside]Where did you used to do your step aerobics? I like it too...[/dalston aside]
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
London, you should probably see about speaing with a physiotherapist, to get some ecercises that will build up the muscles in your legs without causing you further pain or injury. They'll be in a much better position to advise you than anyone here because they'll be familiar with the kind of damage you're healing from.
Tennis may not be a particularly northern 'hard' sport (although I'd hardly call Rugby a northern sport), but if you're sensitive about your body size and your general health, it's pretty much ideal as you're just playing with one friend, rather than a group of people, some of whcih you probably don't know. You also avoid having to get naked and shower with other, more physically honed men, which can be one of the most soul destroying experiences for any fatty. Believe me, I've been there.
Also, unlike kayaking (although I'd definitely recommend it if you've got the money) tennis is one of the cheapest sports you can do. Still, kayaking is fantastic fun. I just wish I had the cash to do it. Take proper lessons though if you do, because it can be tricky and frustrating if you've never done it before.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
I hate step aerobics. It is way too complicated....though I went to a class once where there was a woman with Tourrettes taking part. That was pretty good fun, Id go more often if she was going to be there.
The other night I went to a Body Max! class...ooh yeah! Body Max! To the Max!!
It was ok until the instructor started sprouting hippy bullshit about various stretches 'releasing toxins from your kidneys'. Quick lesson in renal physiology sorted her out though.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Abby: ...though I went to a class once where there was a woman with Tourrettes taking part. That was pretty good fun, Id go more often if she was going to be there.
I'd buy the video.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
If there is one thing I hate, it's excercise for the sake of doing excercise. If you have to devote a certain amont of time every day to performing sretches and movements to make up for your general inactivity the rest of the day, you really do need to reevaluate your lifestyle. Excercise shouldn't just be something you do, like performing some kind of maintenance routine on your body, it's something that can be fully integrated into your lifestyle. Take up a proper spoort, go out on your bike and see a bit of the world, go for a walk in the park, but don't just stand in a room, jumping, sweating, stretching and hurting, just so you can spend the other 12 free hours of your day sitting on your arse. That's why so many people have difficulty keeping in shape, despite feeling like they're 'doing something' because in most cases doing 'something' is merely an excuse to justify spenidn the rest of your time doing 'nothing'. Which is lame.
Posted by Modge (Member # 64) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vanilla Online Persona: Tennis is a bit .. well, Tim Henman really. Its not a proper northern sport. In fact, its a little bit gay and south-easty.
Nonsense. We used to play tennis in my north-east Scotland village every summer*. Maybe it's just a bit "easty"?
London: You should do some pilates classes. Yes, it sounds wanky but the benefits are: 1. You can do a lot of it lying down, thus avoiding too much weight-bearing on bad leg; 2. You can work muscle groups/body parts in isolation, so you can rebalance left calf with right more easily; 3. everyone I know who does pilates has amazingly strong stomach muscles; 4. you don't have to talk to anyone while you are doing it. You can get pilates dvds which are quite good (ooh, or the New York City Ballet workout dvd) but I reckon you should do at least a few classes first so you know whats what (they would also tailor exercises specifically to help bad leg).
Ben: Well done!
*for approx. 3 weeks - 2 during Wimbledon, and 1 week after it when everyone thought tennis was gr9. The rest of the year? Not so much. At all.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
You could also try aqua-aerobics, if you don't mind bobbing about in the pool with the fat-granny brigade whilst the hardened front-crawlers queue up and down the (one) remaining lane and eye you with varying degrees of ire, bemusement and distaste.
Being serious for a moment, it may help because again you are far less load-bearing than normal aerobics.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Right!
This Sunday I am either going to go swimming, or if it's closed again, ice skating.
Also, I am going to buy some form of comedy workout video. What should I get? I want a flat stomach and toned arse and thighs.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Take up a proper sport, go out on your bike and see a bit of the world, go for a walk in the park, but don't just stand in a room, jumping, sweating, stretching and hurting, just so you can spend the other 12 free hours of your day sitting on your arse.
I agree in principle, but many people have no choice but to sit in front of a computer (usually on their arse) for a number of hours every day. Presumably we are all doing just that right now, and I suppose gyms exist so people like us can cram their missed exercise into a handy 60 minute "sesh".
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Yeah, but Misc, an energetic lifestyle is something you can do 24 hours a day. Of course there are plenty of times where sitting down is pretty much essential, but how do people get to work, could they cycle rather than drive? or park a little further away then usual? And how about taking little breaks evry now and then and just going for a walk. And in your lunch break, generally an hour to do with what you want, and a growing number of companies have sports facilities, or you can have a walk rather than sitting at your desk craming a BLT pre-packed sarnie in your mouth while looking on ebay for some £250 trainers in the vain hope that wearing those trainers while you spend you few short hours a week in a room full of other miserable self hating people might help you lose the gut you've been nourishing for thepast 5 years.
And when you get home, on one of the evenings where you don't relutantly drag yourself away from another episode of I'm A Celebrity, Please Fuck Me On An Island Big Brother to go to the gym for an hour, why not go out somewhere. It's summer now so there's no excuse. But no, most people simply plug in their intreveinous feed of reassuring flashing lights and pleasing noises, and spend their entire evening sitting, doing nothing.
Health is a lifestyle choice, not omething you do for a couple of hours a week.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
quote: Did she yelp and swear in time with the steps?
Yeah, pretty much. Also in the pauses in between spurts of activity she would go Woo! Woo! YEAH! WOOO!
As for exercise for the sake of it...well I cycle to work so that is 1.5 hours moderately vigorous cycling five times per week, which should cover general levels of activity. So I just go to a couple of classes for a bit of upper body and flexibility stuff. I don’t really enjoy competitive sports, not that playing tennis with a mate has to be really competitive, but still, I don’t like it.
In tried eating less. Didn’t like it.
Posted by Modge (Member # 64) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: Also, I am going to buy some form of comedy workout video. What should I get? I want a flat stomach and toned arse and thighs.
Elle Macpherson's "The Body" workout is quite good (and might be of comedy value as I just checked and it is *gulp* 11 years old), or the previously mentioned New York City Ballet workout. For ultra-comedy, get Helen off BB2's workout, she 'hilariously' calls your hamstrings your "ham-sandwiches".
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
It's an interesting statistic that while gym and health class membership is at it's highest in recorded history, the nation is also at it's fattest. That alone should be enough to suggest to people that perhaps these unsustained moments of activity are being offest by much much larger periods of inactivity, and ultimately we're left with a nation of people resigned to the fact that while they feel they are doing as much as they can to get into shape (let's face it, going to a gym ore than 2 or 3 times a week is considered pretty hardcore, because it's such a physically demanding thing to do compared to just putting a little more energy into every movement you make) they feel they will never be able to lose weight, and will never become any fitter by doing anything other than going to the gym ore often.
Posted by Modge (Member # 64) on :
Ringo, but don't you spend 50% of your time driving in your car and the other 50% playing computer games and going online? Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by Modge: Ringo, but don't you spend 50% of your time driving in your car and the other 50% playing computer games and going online?
I just burned 50 calories just by shaking my fist at the screen and muttering "curse you Modge". See? Even using the internet can be a healthy activity if you just try!
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: or park a little further away then usual?
This one always gets me. Our local ginormous Tescos has a matching ginormous car park, but everyone tries to squeeze in as close to the door as they can get, with the result that there's a massive congested block spreading out from the door and a big empty area beyond with, like, one camper van in it that really couldn't get any closer.
Same thing happens at work. I followed a car into the car park this morning and he drove to the spot exactly the closest to the door it was possible to get. I was going to offer him a piggyback to his desk, but I think he's one of the bosses so I decided not to.
Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: Right!
This Sunday I am either going to go swimming, or if it's closed again, ice skating.
Also, I am going to buy some form of comedy workout video. What should I get? I want a flat stomach and toned arse and thighs.
Woo! Please report back from the ice skating if you go. I've been meaning to do classes for ages (I want to glide like a swan) but am put off by the likelihood of encountering teenagers. Kamikaze teenagers on skates are to OJ what bumbling neighbours are to Victor Meldrew.
Re: exercise vids. Various people I know, including my sister who really loves such things, like Davina McCall's Power of 3.
Obviously a certain level of Davina tolerance is required, otherwise this could turn into a DIY Tourettes workout.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
OJ, I haven't yet got round to organising proper skating lessons (don't know how easy it would be to fit round a 9-5 job). It's one of the things I said I would do this year. And we're now half way through the year, Christ, Poetess, you are a DISGRACE.
Modge, I think I will check out the New York City Ballet one. In a way, it brings me a little bit closer to my mother's rubbished dream of having a ballerina for a daughter.
Also, fucking hell what's happened to Ringo?
Edit: look, this is what I'll be getting:
quote: The revolutionary workout which anyone can do. It will help you begin to develop lean abdominals, firm buttocks, a contoured waist, scuptured legs, slim thighs, perfect posture and flexibility you never thought possible
[ 17.06.2005, 07:44: Message edited by: Vogon Poetess ]
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by OJ: Re: exercise vids. Various people I know, including my sister who really loves such things, like Davina McCall's Power of 3.
Obviously a certain level of Davina tolerance is required, otherwise this could turn into a DIY Tourettes workout.
Astonishingly, I've actually seen some of this and as far as I can make out Davina doesn't actually say much, if anything. It's a couple of trainers that do all the chat while Davina is simply present throughout the workout, generally sweating and grunting as if she were a real person.
But I've only seen a bit of it, and you might not want to take the risk that she does actually talk at some point.
Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
I should have thought you could find an evening skating class Vogon Poetess. My nearest rink also does an "Adults Only" class (not an "Adult" class combining skating with pole-dancing, but I'm sure that's coming) but I think it's on the same night as my Pilates class.
Has anyone ever tried to do an exercise DVD with pets in the house btw. My cat tries to "clamber aboard" if I attempt Pilates floor exercises at home. That's my excuse....
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
quote:Originally posted by Modge: Helen off BB2
For some reason, this phrase, or more specifically the use of the word "off", and its even more heinous cousin, "off of", rather than the more appropriate word "from", fill me with unreasoning rage and the desire to Murder Death Kill the perpetrator.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Oh and I've given up weed. Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: For some reason, this phrase, or more specifically the use of the word "off", and its even more heinous cousin, "off of", rather than the more appropriate word "from", fill me with unreasoning rage and the desire to Murder Death Kill the perpetrator.
"Out of" is good too, the more bleedin' obvious the better. Like "John Lennon out of The Beatles", or "Dr Who off of Dr Who".
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
quote:Originally posted by dang65: I suspect that once the government finally extend pub opening hours beyond Indian take-away opening hours we will see a large drop in male obesity in this country.
Its not just the weight-loss, the booze affects your love-blobs, giving your spums less presence than a tortoise's ghost. I have curtailed my drinking so as to spend my leisure hours more appropriately, standing on my head after sechsual intercourse or sitting on a horse sideways to facilitate childbirth. Sadly my womb is still barren of childe. She's getting mighty ornery too.
Posted by Physic (Member # 195) on :
I'm sure you have your reasons Ringo but you really do seem to have a huge chip on your shoulder regarding gyms. Personally I currently go to the gym twice a week, half an hour of running, half hour or so of weights, half hour biking. You seem to suggest that this is some kind of self-imposed torture, but you're conveniently overlooking the fact that some people actually enjoy going to the gym, me being one of them.
Granted simply going to the gym a couple of times a week is going to be pretty pointless if you spend the rest of the time troughing like Bernard Manning in an all you can eat restaurant, but this is true of any isolated periods of exercise, including tennis. Personally I also enjoy playing tennis, I haven't been able to for the last month thanks to an ill-timed shoulder tendon injury so I'm looking forward to getting back to it next week. However I'll still keep going to the gym, not just because I enjoy it, but because it gives benefits tennis doesn't, staight running and biking are going to do more for your stamina than any game of tennis, no matter how high a tempo you try to maintain it's essentially a stop start game, and doing a bit of weight training not only builds/tones muscle but helps encourage your body to process the food you do put in it more efficiently.
You're right that healthiness should be a lifestyle and not just an occasional hobby, but discounting gyms as a way of keeping fit simply because of some pre-conceived notion that everyone who goes there is looking for a quick-fix and is willing to torture themself to achieve it is just lame.
Oh and going for regular walks during the working day? Lol, I wish that was a realistic option, walking to work and back, and walking round town at lunch time will just have to do for me I'm afraid.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Physic: Oh and going for regular walks during the working day? Lol, I wish that was a realistic option...
I'll race you to the water cooler, fatty.
[ 17.06.2005, 09:31: Message edited by: MiscellaneousFiles ]
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vanilla Online Persona: It's not just the weight-loss, the booze affects your love-blobs, giving your spums less presence than a tortoise's ghost.
Bit late to tell me now isn't it? I'd have been on three bottles of vodka a day if I'd known.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
OJ - when your cat clambors aboard you should continue your exercising using the extra cat weight to help with resistance. If you had two cats you could use them as free weights. Perhaps you could even develop an entire workout routine using your pets. You could start your own craze when you release your very own "Workout with your Pets" DVD.
I just bought the Davina one, The Power of 3. Reminds me of Charmed. One of the Amazon reviewers said they noticed a "flatter tummy and smaller thighs in 3 weeks". I shall report back, also on the annoyance or not of Davina.
Every so often I like to retrosize and I dig out an old Callanetics or Cindy Crawford workout video to do. I've got a whole box of workout videos from the past. The Speed Workout was rather a disappointment to me in my youth, but I made up my own version and man did I lose some weight! 3gms on a weekend and you can achieve a full-on Nicole Ritchie in a month. One of the most amusing "exercise" DVDs in my possesion is "Learn to Breakdance."
FREEZE Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
quote:Originally posted by Uber Trick: OJ - when your cat clambors aboard you should continue your exercising using the extra cat weight to help with resistance. If you had two cats you could use them as free weights. Perhaps you could even develop an entire workout routine using your pets. You could start your own craze when you release your very own "Workout with your Pets" DVD.
That would work, except that she tends to go for the stillest body part she can find, which would usually be my head. Or more accurately my face. Pet Aerobics would be fine. But Snuff Aerobics as I slowly suffocate to the strains of Amazonian Whale Music [sic]? I'm not sure the world is ready for that.
eta: I have to stop this now. You've all made me look at exercise vids on Amazon and now the "Page I Made" includes desperate releases from most of the cast of Big Brother and, the ultimate horror.... an offer to buy the Hollyoaks evil dancercise DVD together with the Davina one.
[ 17.06.2005, 10:12: Message edited by: OJ ]
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
I don't have a chip on my shoulder about gyms, I think they can be extremely beneficial as part of a healthy lifestyle, but otherwise it's like ordering a diet coke with your McDonalds - it makes no sense and doesn't help at all.
I just question the attitude of some people who, on realizing they have become unfit (or fat, as is usually the most important thing to most people) immediately look to the gym as some kind of answer. "if only I can go to the gym 3 times a week, my life will improve" and so they religiously go to the gym for months and months, and see virtually no positive benefits, before reluctantly accepting that they'll always be fat, and that trying to get thin is something that will only ever make them miserable, when that's really just not the case. Well, to an extent, because if your motivation for a lifestyle change is the appearance of your body, rather than your physical health, then I believe that you only ever really focus on the negative things, rather than the positive.
Physic, you do lead a healthy lifestyle, and use the gym to merely boost that, whereas far too many people use the gym as it were some kind of medication for the terrible illness of going up a jean size.
Becoming physically healthy is a far more positive experience than merely losing weight, and there is a big difference between the two.
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
Ringers - different strokes for different folks, surely. I'd like to cycle to work, but I can't afford a bike, I live in a country where rain (or in today's case, weather so muggy that you can't stratch your arse without breaking into a sweat) is kinda the norm, and my current commute takes me an hour on the tube as it is. Oh, and there's no shower in work and my job involves an awful lot of meeting clients. No need to expand further.
The gym is part of a healthy lifestyle. As Misc and Physic have pointed out, working life is not generally conducive to taking exercise during the day. I'm lucky - where I am I can go for walks, get some air etc. However, bandy and thorn may not agree that the bracing and refreshing air of Croydon is something to which they want to subject themselves for the good of their health. So - Bandy and I, and most of the people I've met who work in office jobs, have factored in a couple of visits to the gym a week in order to counteract the balance of a sedentary lifestyle.
I bust my ass to go running twice a week and swimming twice a week, which given that it takes me an hour to get home and I also have to grocery shop every day can be pretty tricky, and require a lot of willpower. I choose not to go to a gym because they're normally a little too overcrowded in the times I want to go, but that doesn't mean i dismiss exercise in the gym as being less effective than my running or swimming. I agree The Gym™ has a certain stigma attached to it, worsened by office workers indulging in pissing contests to see who's been more times this week. I think talking about the gym has become as arbitrary as saying "i should go on a diet" - just two phrases synonmous with an acceptance of the fact that we generally need to eat better and do more exercise. That's not the gym's fault though.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
I think I'm the only one out of my circle of friends who hasn't entered a "gym" since the last time I did PE (ie about age 14). Thorn was commenting on how he's the only one in his new office that doesn't go, and was looked upon in a horrified manner when this was revealed.
Is it really the case that to not have gym membership is abnormal? Scary.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: Thorn was commenting on how he's the only one in his new office that doesn't go, and was looked upon in a horrified manner when this was revealed.
Is it really the case that to not have gym membership is abnormal? Scary.
I don't gym either, and never have. It's about 70-30 in favour of the gymmerz in my office. They talk about nothing else, insisting on telling me how many "rets" they "did" last night, despite my regular reminders that I'm not interested in their prolific abuse of the mentally ill.
Yeah? You can lift some fucking metal up? Well good for you, Jimmy.
However, I do enjoy watching them talk about their muscles. There's something rather amusing about blokes comparing their bodies with each other, and every time I watch to see when the oh-fuck_ do-I-look-gay? feeling kicks in. Then they remove their hands from each others muscles, take an uncomfortable step away, and finally sit back down at their computers and download some new wallpapers from FHM.com.
[ 17.06.2005, 11:33: Message edited by: MiscellaneousFiles ]
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by scrawny: I'd like to cycle to work, but I can't afford a bike, I live in a country where rain (or in today's case, weather so muggy that you can't stratch your arse without breaking into a sweat) is kinda the norm, and my current commute takes me an hour on the tube as it is. Oh, and there's no shower in work and my job involves an awful lot of meeting clients.
If it takes you an hour on the tube then I'd estimate 40 minutes by bike.
It's no more likely that you'll get wet cycling than you would walking to the Tube or the bus, with the advantage that you'll be wearing an old t-shirt while cycling and not an expensive jacket or whatever. I commute by bike all year round in a part of the country famed worldwide for its endless rain, and I've got wet about three times this year so far.
If you're not bothered about having a shower after spending an hour stuffed up someone's armpit on the tube then why is it a problem after cycling? (n.b. We're talking relaxed commuter cycling in fresh air here, not extreme work-out exercise bike in sweaty gym).
Can't help with the cash for a bike, but I expect London Transport will fund that by waiving your Tube ticket charges. This scheme is easy to subscribe to. You just don't buy a Tube ticket.
ETA: Cycling will not help one to lose wait though, in my experience, though it does tone up ones legs and butt-tocks and lungs.
[ 17.06.2005, 11:51: Message edited by: dang65 ]
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
I'd love to cycle to work too but my route is all really busy main roads and quite frankly I'm scared that I'll die. And you don't want that fear on the way to and from work every day. I even got special cycle guides from TFL to see if there were any sneaky safe cycling routes and quiet roads to negotiate Manor House to Moorgate but there aren't. However, I was recently given an old bike by my friend and I have cycled round the park and on a "Green Walk" and stuff a few times.
Posted by discodamage (Member # 66) on :
at the place where i have been working i have been introduced to a most astonishing pudding. it is called profiterole pie. it consists off little profiteroles hiding in thick gacky chocolatey icing, all on a chocolate choux cake base. it is astonishing. i have eaten three portions in the last 24 hours and as a result i am almost permanently sugar rushing and feel as bloated as i do three minutes before my period begins. i ate four packets of crisps on wednesday, because i am skint and addicted to making little cars out of pickled onion space raiders. of late the closest i have come to a healthy diet, of depriving muself of transient moth-pleasure for the sake of my constantly expanding waistline, has been chucking away half a packet of ikea chips because i had drunk a litre of lingonberry juice and eaten my hot dog too quickly so my tummy was all sticking out and i looked like babarmama. babarmama with really big tits.
generally i look like babarmama with tits a lot of the time now though. and no fucker is getting me within ten miles of a bikini now or ever but i have in the three hours remembered exactly how grim it is being fat once the temperature hits 70 degrees of old skool fahrenheit.
Posted by discodamage (Member # 66) on :
not babarmama. what were they called, those big multicoloured weeble thiings. fuck. i am suffering from summertime brainsplange.
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
Barbamama. You right, just spelled wrong. i always liked barbalib.
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
barba family + babar enclave = retro cartoon confusion. madame babar was an elephant, which is also relevant to my currrent extraneous girth issues. but the metaphorical body shape to which i was referring was definteily barbamama and not madame babar.
barba family, also, = primary colour moomins, but seen from upside down. like michael eavis is that guy from guess who, if you are looking at your opponents' cards from across the table.
edit: all the right consonants, in the wrong places! fucking beer and fucking consonants, when they got together it was moider.
edit plus: have you ever played the different version of guess who where you eliminate people on the basis of totally arbitrary judgements about the characters' faces. maybe not because it is a game my sister invented. what you do is, you say 'is this person a guardian reader?' and then you flick down all the people who look like mail readers. does this person eat meat/ is this person a strict parent/ would this person feel comfortable on a nudist beach etc. noone ever wins but it is a fascinating window into the prejudices of the person playing opposite.
[ 17.06.2005, 20:02: Message edited by: discodamage ]
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Fitness Update:
I went swimming yesterday, clearly for the first time in ages, as my costume had gone a bit saggy and is threatening to disintegrate.
It was a great idea because:
- got Fit n Healthy Plus Points after a weekend of Pimms drinking.
- was lovely and cool in the water.
- got to guiltily eye up some young boys in Speedos with lovely swimmers' chests who could do butterfly.
Exercise: not as bad as I thought it was going to be!
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
Can people go here and play the game so yoou see what they say when you get it right?
Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
Having increasingly felt that my more disipated lifestyle choices were finally catching up with me, and in an attempt to decrease my physical resemblance to a middle-aged gorilla, I started to excercise again earlier this year, beginning with swimming a couple of times a week, and now the gym 3 times weekly. I'm currently doing roughly an hour of cardio, followed by a varying quantity of weight training, and the odd session of swimming. I'm also considering doing some Pilates (mainly because the times are more convenient for me than those for Yoga) to help increase my flexiblity and hopefully reduce my risk of injury whilst doing the other training.
I've only mildly altered my diet to substitute fruit for the kit-kat/McCoys combo that I was consuming mid-morning and cut down on fast food. Porridge may also replace my favoured scrammbled eggs on toast for breakfast shortly.
I'm not so much interested in weightloss, what with muscle weighing more than fat. Getting rid of some bodyfat and feeling less like fucking death are my principle priorities and I'm already experiencing some positive results in both of these directions, and I hope to keep it going.
The quickest weightloss I've experienced though was when I started training after DD went to Mexico and then followed her out there like the gibbering lovesick puppy I had become. I'm not certain of the exact reasons for it (excercise certainly, reduced appetite because of the heat probably, accidental Atkins due to nature of indigenous food possibly, and so on) but I lost over a stone in just over a month.
Not sure that's likely to be any use to you Ben, but anyway. Good Luck with your new regime fella.
[ 20.06.2005, 09:27: Message edited by: Boy Racer ]
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
I had to do some work on the computer at the weekend and ended up sitting on my arse for ages. It was getting uncomfortable (the heat not helping of course) so I stood up, put the chair on the desk and the laptop on the chair and stood up to work.
Wish I'd done that years ago. It meant I could stretch a bit while waiting for the machine to do something, instead of just slumping and staring at the screen. I could dance a pretty step or two when a good track came on. It felt good, and when I went to sit down for tea later on I felt I was actually taking the weight off, like when you've been for a long walk or something, instead of just relocating my arse by a few metres.
I'd like to do this at work but their insurance probably doesn't cover chairs on desks, or monitors and keyboards on chairs on desks. Shame really.
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
I've had a constant battle with my weight for most of my life, even though I probably do more exercise than at least 90% of the people I know. I cook healthy meals for Ellie and I, don't eat a lot of junk. I do eat big meals though as I have a hell of an appetite.
But anyway, I have been going to the gym for the last couple of months. I got the guy there to do me a special program that I could do in my lunch hour as I don't have a lot of spare time in the evenings due to childe and badminton commitments. So I go 3 or 4 lunchtimes a week and do 45 minutes and one or two other trips at evening or weekends where I do about 1 3/4 hours cos I do all my weights and everything. My body fat percentage has dropped like a stone, and although I've not actually lost a lot of weight, I have dropped a dress size and changed shape. [YAY! Go me!]
Also, Physic, that's an awesome body fat percentage. One I can only dream of quite frankly. Women's are always higher though cos like, we have boobs and stuff.
And Ringo, tennis isn't that good a sport for fitness. In the average tennis game, the ball is only in play for 37% of the total match time. You should try badminton. Much faster. And the shuttle is in play for around 80% of the match time. None of that sitting around drinking mularky between games.
I think that anyone losing weight just needs to think about one thing. You have to burn off more calories than you consume. That's it. End of. So having a low fat, calorie controlled diet and doing plenty of exercise is the absolute best thing that you can do. Oh, and drinking your 2 litres of water every day helps a lot too.
Ben, congrats on your 5lbs!!!
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
That's because you're thinking of the tennis you see on the telly. Don't forget, when it's just you and a friend, when the ball goes out of play, you have to go and get it, which can involve running some distance.
And no girly sitting down between matches, just the occasional sip of water every half hour or so. We generally play for around 3 hours at a time, or until we're physically too tired to carry on, which is always disappointing because it's just so much fun..
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
It's true. To get any real physical benefit out of tennis, you have to be shit at it.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Or just not playing it particularly seriously.
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
Yeah. Whenever I lost at tennis I always used to say it was cos I wasn't really trying.
Posted by Grianagh (Member # 583) on :
i played tennis yesterday or more accurately tennis played me
i'm now sporting a blister, a sunburn and a bruised ego
hrmph
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by Grianagh: i'm now sporting a blister, a sunburn and a bruised ego
hrmph
According to the calculations I presented on this very thread a few pages back, you probably lost about 0.01 grams of fat as well. So it's not all bad!
Posted by Grianagh (Member # 583) on :
that is indeed good news according to tesco's new fangley-spangled fat-o-ramic machine - i have a higher fat composition than i ever would have imagined
of course they must have taught the machine to lie in one of those compulsive robotic liar (CRL) classes that are all the rage...just to get people to join the tesco.com diet site
because not only did the machine lie to me, it sent some sort of electric wave through my body first! imagine
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Hum! Bit of a reversal today, I'm afraid. I was unable to resist second breakfast - and that on top of a pretty over-indulgent weekend. So, feeling pretty grim.
[eta. 'total loss' updated accordingly.]
[ 21.06.2005, 07:53: Message edited by: ben ]
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Weight loss progress pluses: heat means the act of eating is simply too exhausting, and bread sucks all remaining moisture from the mouth preventing chewing.
WL minuses: piss up tonight, lunch at a Gordon Ramsay restaurant tomorrow, piss up tomorrow night, piss up Friday night. Too hot to even consider minimal exercise.
Net effect: fat thighs rub together beneath skirt.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
Coo, I want a go on a fat-o-ramic machine! Do they have them in big Tescos?
I discovered that the Mediteranian supermarket at the end of my road does a wide range of little nutty-pastry-syrup cakes, like baklava but nicer. Uh-oh!
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by statist: According to the calculations I presented on this very thread a few pages back, you probably lost about 0.01 grams of fat as well. So it's not all bad!
Yeah, although the calculations are ridiculously flawed, so well done.
Out of interest, Statist, why do you hate tennis so much?
Posted by Grianagh (Member # 583) on :
quote:Originally posted by Abby: Coo, I want a go on a fat-o-ramic machine! Do they have them in big Tescos?
i honestly dunno if the tesco down the road would be classified as a big tescos
although it did classify me as big so..yeah.... it's a feckin gigantic tesco with a really high fat % to boot!
edit: and i didn't really answer your question as my spiteful supermarket revenge speech got in the way....but yeah, i think they are putting the fat-o-ramic's in all the tescos
[ 21.06.2005, 09:21: Message edited by: Grianagh ]
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
I have been trying to avoid this thread, although sadly I really do need to go on a diet. I might only be just a tad over 11 and a half stone, but those will know me will know I am not exactly well built, but my very apparent beer gut and plus I have more chins than a chinese telephone book necessitate the need for me to get less lardy. Plus I have moobs which are not so fetching if you are a single lad.
I have started by purchasing a new 21 gear (Shimanos) mountain bike, with all the trimmings for less than a hundred quid, as cycling is the only exercise I really enjoy - its supposed to be very good cardio-vascular exercise without the impact on the body that say jogging takes up. But alas the weight is not dissapearing or redistributing as I would like.
As for Gyms, well I could never do one of those - the places frighten me, plus the stigma of being an unfit or overweight person going in there just gives me the chills - I mean gyms are full of superfit muscle bound beefcakes. No I'll stick to the bike ta.
I have cut down a bit on fatty food, started drinking diet drinks, but sadly the one thing that I am going to have to cut out is beer, which I really don't want to do - cutting out beer will kill my social life - is there a diet which includes beer?
Posted by Physic (Member # 195) on :
quote:Originally posted by Waynster: gyms are full of superfit muscle bound beefcakes.
Lol, this might be true of your private gyms where they charge extortionate fees that only the Jeremys and Jemimahs that attend can afford, not so for the council run local sports centre I go to. Seriously this place is just an advert for wwhat a sedentary existence and a bad diet can do to you, if more than one of these fuckers goes on the running machines at the same time all wildlife within a 1 mile radius starts looking around nervously thinking a herd of elephants is coming.
Besides even if there are a few muscle boys around you can console yourself with thoughts of what their daily intake of steroids and dietary supplements is probably doing to their bodies, not to mention the fact that most of them look fucking ridiculous anyway, all barrel chests and big arms balanced on chicken legs, with a neckless head perched on top that looks way too small for their shoulders.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
I don't like getting changed in front of a room full of naked men. There I said it, don't ask me again.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: I don't like getting changed in front of a room full of naked men. There I said it, don't ask me again.
Talking about it often helps you know. What did they do to you?
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
They walked around with their clothes off, as if they were fully dressed, and didn't even make any effort to cover up. I didn't know where to look, i had to swallow back at least 5 mouthfulls of sick.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
quote:Soon to be posted by Teflon: I had to swallow back at least 5 mouthfulls of dick.
*snigger*
[ 21.06.2005, 10:20: Message edited by: mart ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: I didn't know where to look, i had to swallow back at least 5 mouthfulls of sick.
That is a typo. THAT is a TYPO.
Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
You must have terrible trouble with mirrors Ringo. Do you dress with your eyes squeezed tightly shut?
Posted by Gemini (Member # 428) on :
I think Physic is right, unless you go to the Chelsea Harbour club most gyms just have a normal cross-section of the population in, so yes you may have a few beef-cakes (and believe me they are too busy admiring themselves in the mirror to look at you) but mostly it's people just trying to keep away the spare tire or get rid of it in the first place, they are too busy listening to their iPod or counting down the minutes on the treadmill before they can go home to notice you.
Not sure if this is helpful advice as I know everyone approaches dieting/getting fit differently but I find the times that I do lose weight are the periods where I start exercising more, not because you lose weight that way (to be honest you may change shape but the only way to really lose weight is to cut down the calories) but because by trying to be fitter and healthier you find you naturally make healthier choices when it comes to food as well. Therefore people like Waynster who have started cycling may not see an immediate difference to start with but give it time and you will.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by OJ: You must have terrible trouble with mirrors Ringo. Do you dress with your eyes squeezed tightly shut?
Yeah, and of course secretly I really love the filthy thoughts it gives me. I'd like to run naked round the changing room, stopping only to gently slap every flaccid pecker, just to see what sound it made.
Yeah, I think that's pretty standard for people who claim not to be comfortable naked in a room full of naked strangers.
[ 21.06.2005, 10:50: Message edited by: Ringo ]
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Yeah, although the calculations are ridiculously flawed, so well done.
Well obviously. I think I even went so far as to point that out myself. The upshot, as I recall, just pointed out how physics is more or less useless at describing how we gain or lose weight.
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Out of interest, Statist, why do you hate tennis so much?
Well, nothing really. And I don't recall saying that I did. I don't like it exactly although even I can see how it could be quite fun to play. I quite like playing some things myself: table tennis is alright, for example. Of course I do have things against tennis but no more so than I have things against other sports. Certainly a lot less than some. The thing is that sports are just an easy target to take the piss out of; I'm sorry for picking an easy target. As is so frequently and boringly pointed out: sport is quite absurd. Plus, in my opinion, it doesn't look very good on the telly.
[ 22.06.2005, 05:56: Message edited by: statist ]
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
That's alright. last night I done went and fucked up my arm while playing tennis so today I'm hating on it more than you anyway.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
Last night the lady at the gym (who said about toxins in kidneys) said that toxins might be making your blood too thick to get to your head. That sounds prety serious to me - no head blood. Uh oh. Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Ringo bring your tennis racket to Leeds, there are free courts just round the corner, next to the footie fields.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
You can't compare Tennis to Ping Pong. One is actual excersise and the other, the other only requires sweatbands as a health and safety precaution.
This is reminding me of the time London told me there is some kind of olympic Babyfoot team and that they had asked her to enrol or something. I imagine she had to provide all kinds of bizzare Babyfoot manouvres to a panel of wizened elders and finally lifted a giant urn filled with coals that burned two miniature Babyfoot tables into each wrist.
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: You can't compare Tennis to Ping Pong. One is actual excersise and the other, the other only requires sweatbands as a health and safety precaution.
This is reminding me of the time London told me there is some kind of olympic Babyfoot team and that they had asked her to enrol or something. I imagine she had to provide all kinds of bizzare Babyfoot manouvres to a panel of wizened elders and finally lifted a giant urn filled with coals that burned two miniature Babyfoot tables into each wrist.
I bloody can compare tennis to ping-pong. But actually I wasn't really doing that. I was just pointing out that I don't mind playing some things. Even me, one of the least sporty of men.
Is Babyfoot what normal people call table football? Or is that something else. I am constantly amazed that people can be so fucking good at this game.
There are some sports that are OK but I've forgotten what they are. Just those that look so rediculous that they are kind of interesting. Oh, yeah, I like sumo wrestling, for example. And a few weeks ago I watched one of those world's strongest man programs for probably longer than I should have done. You know, when they drag express trains with their pubes and stuff.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by statist: I bloody can compare tennis to ping-pong.
Only in that they have:
Nets
Two Players
A Ball
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: Only in that they have:
Nets
Two Players
A Ball
Well, yeah, that is a pretty good start. I mean, it's tennis, what more do you need? I agree that they are not played on courts that are quite the same size but comparing is about finding the differences, right? Your list would indicate that tennis has more in common with table-tennis than it does with squash or badminton, for example. Would you object if I had compared tennis to squash?
Posted by Grianagh (Member # 583) on :
we have a rowing machine in the house which i have actually been using
but i can't figure out which muscles it is supposed to be tearing apart
all of them it would seem
anyone else been torturing themselves with home exercise equipment lately?
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
I did Davina (Power of 3) yesterday afternoon. I'm really feeling it on inner and outer thighs today and slightly on back and shoulders. Rating so far: slightly cheesy video but a good workout.
This afternoon I am going swimming at Hampstead Heath Lido Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
quote:Originally posted by Waynster: I have cut down a bit on fatty food, started drinking diet drinks, but sadly the one thing that I am going to have to cut out is beer, which I really don't want to do - cutting out beer will kill my social life - is there a diet which includes beer?
If you want to get all lean and beautiful I'm afraid kissing goodbye to your social life is exactly what you're going to have to do. I've only been beautiful for a year, maybe two, or so and in that time do you know how many peeps I've spoken to? Three, thats how many. And they were in the gym. Its fuckkin bow lux. Can't go to pub cos of all the smorkin and drankin. Not that you can smork in Oirland anyway. You have to go outside and do 'smirting' which is like smorking and flirting. So great, I give up and what do they do? Make all the lurvely people I wanted to admire go outside and chat to others less pretty than I. Its a fekkin conspiracy by the Uglies. So, as I was saying, don't drink, don't smorke, so pub is out, so what do I do instead? lots of fukkin sports thats wot. And I'm getting more and more beautiful and hott and all shiney healthy that I'm probably going to live for a thousand years and be worshipped like Apollo and it will be shit cus true happiness is nowt but a fag and a pint.
I know that now.
[ 22.06.2005, 08:19: Message edited by: Vanilla Online Persona ]
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: They walked around with their clothes off, as if they were fully dressed, and didn't even make any effort to cover up. I didn't know where to look, i had to swallow back at least 5 mouthfulls of sick.
I like nekkedness, I prefer to be entirely newd all of the time. I don't of course. It would upset the neighbours and I'm a newdie who is sensitive to those around him. What is it about a person, a society, that has to teach it's children such ashamedness? There are so many many damageds about. If you'd be worried about people with 'body issues' that would be the place to start methinks.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by statist: Would you object if I had compared tennis to squash?
No. I would however like to play you at Tennis. me with my String racket and yellow bawl and you with a small bat trying to *toc* a tiny plastic ball the length of the court.
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: No. I would however like to play you at Tennis. me with my String racket and yellow bawl and you with a small bat trying to *toc* a tiny plastic ball the length of the court.
Have you been drinking?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I had a bottle of Dr Pepper if that counts.
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: I had a bottle of Dr Pepper if that counts.
Hmm. It's just that your post read to me very much as though it had been written on the mild 'high' of one of those 'lucky' cans of Grolsch that sends people insane for 15 minutes. And then leaves them wondering about how they can have been so pissed after consuming just one can of Grolsch.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
It was my birthday yesterday. I got diarrhea. Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Oh FFS, I knew about this as well! :madshit:
Would you like a nice birthday thread now that your bottom is a bit better or shall I keep shovelling a nice big hole to bury my selfish face in?
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Happy birthday Misc! Did you lose any weight?
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart: Happy birthday Misc! Did you lose any weight?
Thanks Mart! Yes, I dropped a good few pouns.
I can heartily reccommend the SplatterPlan™ Diet. It involves eating a sandwich made of Coronation Chicken which is a day past its use-by date but "looks like it'll be okay". Then just sit back and wait for the rectal explosives to kick in. Your body just can't seem to lose weight quickly enough! It also acts as a surprisingly effective appetite suppressant.
[ 23.06.2005, 05:29: Message edited by: MiscellaneousFiles ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Check your inbock Kambodian Kid.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
You know how crappy diet advice things in newspapers and magazines etc often say stuff like If you feel hungry, try drinking some water! It might be that your body is mistaking thirst for hunger!!
Thats fucking bollocks that is.
[ 23.06.2005, 05:42: Message edited by: Abby ]
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: Kambodian Kid.
Does this relate to some other method of weight loss? Losing weight by getting limbs blown off?
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by statist: Does this relate to some other method of weight loss? Losing weight by getting limbs blown off?
That's not funny, statist. It's taken me six minutes to type this post.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
You have to admit, it's a damn good idea.
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: That's not funny, statist. It's taken me six minutes to type this post.
I don't see the connection. It wasn't my idea anyway. It was New Way Of Decay's.
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: You have to admit, it's a damn good idea.
Well I do think it's a good reaction to those idiots who seem to define their happiness, their status, and their entire fucking lives by how much they weigh. They never said that they wanted to weigh less AND have the same number of limbs/extremities. Sure, losing a leg may be a bit of a bind, but it is losing about 20lb in under a second. Not many of the diets in the glossy magazines can boast such results. Guaranteed! Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by statist: They never said that they wanted to weigh less AND have the same number of limbs/extremities.
Well life would be a bit ridiculous if one had to be so specific:
"D'you fancy a pint, mate?" "Yes, and I would like to retain each and every one of my limbs." "Same here - see you at eight o'clock." Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
I went swimming AGAIN last night! That is 2 exercises in under a week! And my New York City Ballet DVD arrived! This is what it must be like to be an Olympic level athlete or something.
It seems a bit silly that in order to get 50p for the changing room lockers I need to buy a Terrys Chocolate Orange bar in order to get change from £1. How are people supposed to be healthy with this kind of economic restriction?
Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Well life would be a bit ridiculous if one had to be so specific:
"D'you fancy a pint, mate?" "Yes, and I would like to retain each and every one of my limbs." "Same here - see you at eight o'clock."
Of course. But having a pint isn't something that can be also be achieved by blowing an arm off. Is it.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Strongbow reaps the rewards of a bayeux tapestry style arrow wound.
Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
quote:Originally posted by Abby: Last night the lady at the gym (who said about toxins in kidneys) said that toxins might be making your blood too thick to get to your head. That sounds prety serious to me - no head blood. Uh oh.
Last night on You Are What You Eat Special, the scottish charlatan dwarf told that overweight Pop Idol winner that if she didn't eat a greater variety of fish "her body would get bored and develop allergies" .
So guys, watch you don't ever bore your body, it might start getting weird ailments just to spite you.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
quote:Originally posted by statist: Of course. But having a pint isn't something that can be also be achieved by blowing an arm off. Is it.
Unless you were after a pint of blood, that is.
/coat
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
quote:Originally posted by OJ: Last night on You Are What You Eat Special, the scottish charlatan dwarf told that overweight Pop Idol winner that if she didn't eat a greater variety of fish "her body would get bored and develop allergies" .
Christ, is this woman still allowed on telly?
I'm assuming from the title of her show, she consumes a great quantity of shrivelled stringy ferrets.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
She may look a bit funny, but if I had a choice, I'd rather smell her shit over yours Veep.
Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: Christ, is this woman still allowed on telly?
I'm assuming from the title of her show, she consumes a great quantity of shrivelled stringy ferrets.
I think she's being paid by the Fray Bentos Pie, Fry Up and Greasy Chip Marketing Board of Great Britain (HQ Scunthorpe) to discredit that nasty vegetarian nonsense.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
I am slightly in awe of Gillian. She is a special kind of person.
quote: Last night on You Are What You Eat Special, the scottish charlatan dwarf told that overweight Pop Idol winner that if she didn't eat a greater variety of fish "her body would get bored and develop allergies" .
I wish I had seen that...did she (Fat-Pop) see the error of her ways, lose 2 stone and develop a love of broccoli?
Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
Yes, she did. But she also gave evil dwarf of doom laden bullshit a stern talking to at one point.
In fact she looked on the verge of dishing out an entirely justified Glasgow kiss across the table of a London fish restaurant during the aforementioned conversation.
"Well Gillian, my body got bored and decided to break your tiny skull. Nothing to do with me" (But in a Glasgow accent).
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Fat-pop lost 5 stone in 5 months. Why is everyone so anti-McKeith? Is it literally because she looks a bit funny and her diet is tricky to maintain, or sour grapehandles? Some of her recipes are gorgeous, although, I do worry about how healthy she looks herself. I can imagine her in a home in ten years time being spoon fed by a carer and accidentally having the spoon bashed in the back of her throat and popping out the back of her head, in repetition of Jack Nicholsons bonce through the door in The Shining.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: Fat-pop lost 5 stone in 5 months. Why is everyone so anti-McKeith?
1. It's because she's an old fraud. In the first series of her show she was always introduced as "Dr Gillian McKeith". Once it had been pointed out that she got her PhD online from some tinpot college in Hicksville, Alabama, she became known as a "holistic nutritionist".
2. Every single programme is the same: Fat family seen rolling around in vats of lard and salt. Dr McK makes them look at a groaning table filled with the shit they consume in a week. Dr McK diagnoses various illness from looking at their tongues and prodding them. Someone has a colonic irrigation. They eat some veg and 2 weeks later say they feel better.
3. Her healthy eating solutions are ridiculously impractical, involving ingredients like Mauritian Umbo Jabber Beans that most people will not have heard of, won't be able to buy and won't know how to cook. She never seems to mention basic things like drinking lots of water and taking exercise.
4. Her attitude to food and eating is drear and joyless. I bet she never eats Super Noodles.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I can see what you mean. If your'e 22 stone already, taking a shit would probably make you drop a stone.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
You can get all of her ingredients in Holland and Barrett or Sainsbury's. Her book is really interesting from a nutrition point of view and is more of a health reference book than a "diet book". The recipe book is really good too.
You can tell certain nutritional imbalances from the state of your tongue (also: bad breath / gum / teeth problems are taken into account when you do this check).
Her recipes are really nice and actually quite simple if you know how to peel and slice vegetables. Why is she a charlatan? If you go from eating a pile of fast food to lots of fresh fruit and vegetables you are going to feel a lot better.
She does actually encourage you to exercise, last night Michelle and her did roller blading and I saw one once when the woman was an ice skating teacher who never actually did any ice skating anymore so Gillian encouraged her to do 15 mins every day after she had finished teaching her classes.
I agree that it would be hard to stick to her regime every single day but if at least encorporate some of her ideas into your life you'd be a lot healthier.
eta: You can't just do her regime from watching the TV program - her real philosophy is in the book. The don't market the program as an instruction program it's just reporting back on the exceptional cases she's treated.
Not that I want to kiss Gillian's well-toned and colonic irrigated ass but, you know, the books are good, better than some that I've read.
[ 23.06.2005, 10:00: Message edited by: Uber Trick ]
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
quote:Originally posted by Uber Trick: Why is she a charlatan?
It's really to do with the way she was called "Dr McKeith" when the show started; with lots of footage of her "diagnosing" ailments. It strongly implied she was a medical doctor with training and qualifications. That's not to say that someone from a non-medical background can't offer valuable health advice, but I think it was deceptive and misleading.
I genuinely think her attitude to improving your diet is limiting and unhelpful. I mentioned earlier in this thread that I think it is lazy and inaccurate to divide foods into GOOD and BAD, and this is what she does. I distinctly remember an episode where a 3-burger-a-day fattie was told to cut out his fry-ups and eat some kind of weirdo porridge for breakfast instead. He correctly pointed out that it looked like a plate of wallpaper paste, and reported that it tasted about the same. Now I don't see the point of making people eat sludge like this and fostering the notion that GOOD food is bland and tasteless and is something you have to force yourself to eat. Why couldn't he have had grilled sausages, tomato, mushroom, a boiled egg and some wholewheat toast? This would have been healthy, tasty, filling and wouldn't make him feel like he'd been cheated out of a meal and needed to snack later. I believe it's perfectly possible to enjoy fry-ups etc in moderation. There is no need for extremes.
Obviously I can't comment on her book, as such items don't enter my house (the workout DVD was allowed to stay because Thorn said it might have some fit chicks in).
I appreciate that she is trying to get people to think about what they shovel into their gobs and take care of their body a bit more, but I think her methods are too melodramatic to be realistic in the long term.
Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
Maybe I'm missing out here but what's joyfull about Super Noodles?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
In Mckeith-meisters defence, some of the spastics they have on the program are not worth helping in my opinion. I've tried quite a few of the recipes in the book when I was living with Zara as she was giving them a whirl. I can't stand fussy eating in that people won't try foods though. It's not like I've always been able to eat anything, I just got to the point where after being introduced to so many new foods, I found that there was very little I wouldn't enjoy the taste of. Those who spit food out after one bite of: I want to smack them on the back of the hand with a ruler and deny them pudding. The fucking tastebud pussies.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Boy Racer: Maybe I'm missing out here but what's joyfull about Super Noodles?
When you're a vegetarian, Super noodles are considered an extravagant luxury.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
The fat woman that lives down stairs from my parents died a few days ago. It's been interesting watching her increase in size. When I was a kid she was about 20 odd stone, gradually increased until she could only walk with a pram filled with bricks, and then not really move at all. She became like the mum in Gilbert Grape in the end, about 40 stone I think someone said. She lived on a diet of fizzy drinks and sweets from pound land.
I'm off the booze, and already my face looks less fat than before, but my body de-sizes annoyingly, it goes up and down quickly, but I lose weight every where but my belly, which just stays looking proportionatly pot. I'm currently drinking a lot of pineapple juice and not really eating anything but salads.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
They are full of quick, cheap, cheerful, tasty joy, BR.
Some of us like the simple things in life, that don't involve focaccia bread and balsamic-drizzled dodo eggs.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I'm going to do some work now.
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
Mikee, go and do some work and stop fucking about.
On the diet front, anything that gets people eating more fresh, natural food and less processed, fat and salt laden food is a good thing. Dr Smugface Mckeith is basically just doing a low-cal, low fat diet and cutting out processed foods. T'aint rocket science at the end of the day.
But I do agree that you shouldn't completely cut out things that you enjoy and as long as you eat your treats in moderation, then there's no harm in them.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
quote:Originally posted by Uber Trick: Why is she a charlatan?
There was a really quite revealing article in The Observer Food Monthly the other week.
quote:So where did she train? McKeith's CV has been the subject of some debate in the press. Her PhD, for instance, was gained via a distance learning programme at a non-accredited college, the American College of Holistic Nutrition, now known as the Clayton College of Natural Health. The fact that this college is non-accredited means that the US secretary for education does not recognise its degrees for the purpose of educational grants. In some states, the holder of a degree from such an establishment would not be allowed to practise as a clinical nutritionist. McKeith has never published any properly evaluated scientific research, not even her PhD thesis. As the journalist Ben Goldacre pointed out in his Bad Science column in the Guardian, McKeith's much-vaunted certified membership of the American Association of Nutritional Consultants is also a peculiar boast. Ben Goldacre managed to buy the same membership for his dead cat via the internet for the bargain price of $60.
In a related article McKeith's conclusions about the same journalist's diet are placed alongside the reactions of a senior dietician - the contrast is illuminating:
quote:1. Dr McKeith says: When I look at your tongue, I can see stagnation on your liver. Take milk thistle, which protects the liver, for this. Catherine Collins says: For a liver condition to show on the tongue, it would have to be very severe, and would therefore present other symptoms. The efficacy of milk thistle is unproven.
2. Dr McKeith: As I suspected when I looked at your tongue, you have a B vitamin defficiency. To treat this, try a superfood like blue-green algae. Catherine Collins: Some B defficiencies do give oral appearances but to do so they would have to be severe. I would be willing to bet my house that you do not have a B vitamin defficiency. You eat plenty of bread, pasta and porridge.
3. Dr McKeith: Your magnesium levels are too low for a woman your age. Catherine Collins: It is difficult to pick up a magnesium defficiency from a simple blood test; you eat plenty of meat and greens; if you did have such a defficiency, you'd probably have diarrhoea.
4. Dr McKeith: Decrease your intake of meats and fish such as smoked salmon, bacon, burgers and salami. These are high in salt and nitrates, which are potentially carcinogenic.' Catherine Collins: Recent evidence has cast doubt on the link between nitrates and stomach cancer. Research shows that if you eat plenty of fruit and veg, you are less likely to be susceptible to the effects of nitrates.
5. Dr McKeith: You drink far too much. Alcohol acts as a stimulant and dehydrates, as well as putting a strain on the liver. Catherine Collins: You are on the threshold of safe drinking habits for a woman of your size.
6. Dr McKeith: Tea and coffee are stimulants and diuretics. Try herbal teas instead. Catherine Collins: For regular drinkers, tea and coffee are not diuretic.Your body metabolises them. Tea is a good source of natural anti-oxidants.
7. Dr McKeith: Increase the variety of fish you eat - fresh rather than smoked; this provides you with the omega-3 fats. Also include nuts and seeds (hemp, flax, pumpkin and sesame ). Catherine Collins: Not all fish are equal. You should eat a portion of white fish, and a portion of oily fish (mackerel) a week. A portion of mackerel has enough omega-3 to last you three or four days; you'd need a lot of seeds to get the same effect.
8. Dr McKeith: Increase whole grains such as millet, buckwheat, quinoa, oats, rye and barley. These provide fibre for bowel health and B vitamins and chromium for energy. Catherine Collins: Using exotic grains is typical of the approach of alternative therapists - as though there is something inherently wrong with the British diet. Eating grains is important, but the choice is irrelevant. Wheat is fine.
9. Dr McKeith: Try rice, oat or almond milks as alternatives to cows milk and cream. Catherine Collins: Milk is a rich source of biologically available calcium - calcium that is easier to absorb than that found in green vegetables.
10. Dr McKeith: My diet will improve energy levels. Catherine Collins: Feeling sleepy after lunch is perfectly normal; that's why people take siestas.
Viewed side-to-side with the opinions of a trained professional, McKeith's diagnoses seem to be a mixture of exaggeration, scare tactic and misremembered factoid. I think there are ample grounds for her being described a charlatan.
Added to which: her tv programmes may be "just" reports on 'exceptional cases' but you have to remember that her very name is a lucrative brand - every time she appears on our screens, more units are shifted, whether they're books, snack bars or tubs of 'magic powder' ffs.
[ 23.06.2005, 11:04: Message edited by: ben ]
Posted by SilverGinger5 (Member # 49) on :
quote:Originally posted by Benny the Ball: I'm off the booze, and already my face looks less fat than before, but my body de-sizes annoyingly, it goes up and down quickly, but I lose weight every where but my belly, which just stays looking proportionatly pot.
I was investigating this, as I have the same problem. Apparently it's to do with having white fat cells and brown fat cells, and the ones in the belly are brown and are harder to shift. A good way to do it is to trick your body into thinking it is really cold.
Lots of information by someone called ChefX here Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
Damn, Ben beat me to it.
The Bad Science columnist in the Guardian has been consistently vigilant and funny about her PHd from the University of Makey-Uppey and her dodgy scientific proof. Like this on lemon balm.
Funnily enough (and this is mainly for Uber Trick's benefit), I made a salad with fresh lemon balm the other day. It tastes lovely. I also have cupboards replete with rye bread, oily fish, pumpkin seeds, mangoes and seventeen types of lentil. And even quinoa (that's wallpaper paste to you Vogon Poetess).
But I still have to object to someone who randomly manufactures health advice on principle. Some of the unsubstantiated claims she makes might seem like pretty harmless tosh. Like claiming that drinking water at the same time as eating impedes digestion. Er, I'll take all my food dessicated or freeze dried then shall I? But some of it can be quite dangerous - like her implied support of dietary cancer cures and less extremely, enemas, which can be dangerous.
Take that in conjunction with the dietary aids she markets and it strikes me as quite parasitical. It reminds me of those awful psychics who prey on the recently bereaved. And there's the fact that it's just lying. And, as I think Vogon Poetess may have said, it makes healthy eating seem more difficult, more expensive and less accessible to the people who need it most.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by SilverGinger5: Apparently it's to do with having white fat cells and brown fat cells, and the ones in the belly are brown and are harder to shift.
I've heard about this, it's the scientific method of answering the age old question: pink or brown nipples? The answer is of course is that it doesn't matter, but if they're brown, don't wear a tight white top unless you have a tattooed skinhead boyfriend to ward off lustful stares.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
The idea of these brown fat cells really bothers me. Perhaps I should switch to white bread.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
quote: Thats the estrogen effect timmy... put a woman on the pill and she gets visited by the titty fairy
I must remember that for my next assignment on mammalian reproduction.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
Thanks for the info ben and OJ, I hadn't seen the Bad Science column before, and I haven't got round to reading my Observer Food Monthly yet either. I do see what you mean, but then there's a part of me that's still in the camp of "but if people only absorb a small amount of the info and eat a few more pieces of fruit a day then surely that's good?"
I totally agree with everything in balance theory though. I suppose I'm coming from the viewpoint of someone with a fairly good knowledge of nutrition, cooking and healthy lifestyle and not thinking about the wider implications. I go to the health food store and pick up my herbal teas and quinoa and ignore her diet bars and awful blue green algae powder. Could this be the powder of the very same TOXIC blue green algae blooms which prevented London and I from swimming in Hampstead Heath Ponds yesterday afternoon?! Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
Kovacs, is Vernon one of yours?
Still confused as to how to trick the body into thinking it's colder (I thought that making your guts cold would have made your body put more fat there to protect?) as there were far too many acronyms on that site, but thanks SG5. It's annoying though, I can get away with it most times as I'm tall, but one slouch and my gut shows up majorly as I don't really have any fat anywhere else.
Posted by SilverGinger5 (Member # 49) on :
I would guess it's because if your body think it is cold then it produces extra heat, which obviously uses energy and helps you lose weight.
This is pure speculation as I know nothing about weightloss, but I'm sure I have a six-pack hiding under my belly, if only there were an easy way to get rid of it.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
quote:Originally posted by Uber Trick: I do see what you mean, but then there's a part of me that's still in the camp of "but if people only absorb a small amount of the info and eat a few more pieces of fruit a day then surely that's good?"
Bit of a vain hope, given that obesity has risen in tandem with the explosion of fad diets and - supposed - public interest in nutrition.
If people 'only took away' what's common sense, that'd be one thing, but McKeith actively contributes to the ever expanding shit-mountain of made-up wank masquerading as 'scientific fact' that threatens to overwhelm this country completely. The dreadful truth is that people are as likely to come away from an encounter with McKeith thinking they can diagnose 'deficiencies' by gawping at their tongue in the mirror or rooting through their own excrement; to 'solve' the problems they uncover they will spend (they are spending) a fortune on wacky products of dubious value. People in this country behave stupidly enough as it is - they require no further encouragement from embalmed-looking blonde freaks who, in a more just world, would be carted through the streets and pelted with dung by jeering peasants.
Posted by Grianagh (Member # 583) on :
for the record, i agree with Uber i liked McKeith's book there really wasn't anything in the book that i didn't consider common sense - eat healthy & exercise, avoid toxins, drink water, blah blah
minigree and i have always preferred soya to dairy, poultry to red meat and rarely eat processed foods
i only purchased the book thinking it would help convince my husband, who shall remain nameless, understand that life doesnt revolve around rioja, jamon & brie
the gesture was not appreciated. commotion occured. my failed attempt at bettering his health has earned me the nickname of 'the food nazi'
McKeith's book ended up in the rubbish bin by 'mistake' during our move from spain
Posted by Ganesh (Member # 685) on :
Someone asked a page ago why McKeith had been called a "charlatan". Can't speak for the diets themselves (haven't read the book; pretty sure they'd work though, in that eating alfalfa instead of Fray Bentos for long enough is always gonna work); her charlatanism isn't so much related to her claims that one will lose weight, but inherent in the gobbets of crappy pseudo-science she spouts.
She claims to be able to tell the state of one's liver from looking at one's tongue. This is only really possible in end-state liver failure. She makes similar claims for turd scrutiny and, again, turds just ain't that informative about "imbalances" and the like. She's also come out with truly startling stuff along the lines of "green vegetables are good for oxygenating the blood". Wha?
The fact that she looks like a dessicated dormouse herself doesn't help matters.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
you bastards have inspired me to go all healthy. that and the fact i physically can't drink anymore, my body won't let me, and i have no energy anymore at all. as of tomorrow, i am quitting, or rather cutting back, on alcohol. and fags. no more bread. no cheese even. no more bloody sugar. and definitely no starbucks caramel venti frapps. instead: green tea, salad no dressing, boiled or steamed veg, grilled fish, fresh fruit, much water. it's gonna be good!
Posted by The Peter Purves cargo cult (Member # 802) on :
I believe the suggestion that she is a charlatan may also be related to her comedy doctorate, which is from the International Life Studies University of Bacon or metric equivalent.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I like it when people downpat someone elses degree. I like to think it's because they want to scoff at someone else rather than admitting they aren't as smart as people who do biochemistry of cybernetics or well, very cool, very technical genius stuff.
Posted by Ganesh (Member # 685) on :
He's actually quite right about McCharlatan's degree, though. Apparently some Guardian journalist managed to buy the same qualification off the Internet, a few weeks back, in the name of his dead cat.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Fuck the bogus degree. Why would anyone take advice from such a pinched, wizened, dessicated, joyless old mandrill?
Posted by Ganesh (Member # 685) on :
Desperation, presumably.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Oh I wasn't trying to defend her degree. I imagine she probaly uses it to pick up her subjects turds with to bring them closer to scrutinise.
Posted by The Stoat (Member # 813) on :
Who'd win in a fight between her and the Barefoot Doctor? Other than humanity, obviously. ("Whoever dies... everyone's happy!!!")
I've always been a skinny fuck, but I'm getting quite an irritating beer gut (I think it's beer-related) which totally doesn't suit me. I'm cutting back on the booze (I have one more week of alcohol counselling before they let me out into the world to rely on my own will-power), but the thought of exercise fills me with a cold, Lovecraftian terror. (I don't even like going to the gym in San Andreas, and that's just a fucking video game). FRankly, if the scarring wouldn't look so hideous, I'd just cut the fucking thing off.
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