-------------------- If it can move the ocean it can move us too. Posts: 21
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Astromariner
Going the right way for a smacked bottom
posted
Imagine this being sung in the manner of a barbershop quartet. EDIT: I should point out that I didn't write it - I don't know who the original artist is but I liked it so much when I heard it I had to quote it here. And anyway - I don't even have a penis. I am a laydee.
whenever life gets you down keeps you wearing a frown and the gravy train has left you behind and when you're all out of hope down at the end of your rope and nobody's there to throw you a line if you ever get so low that you don't know which way to go come on and take a walk in my shoes never worry bout a thing got the world on a string cuz i've got the cure for all of my blues (long pause) I take a look at my enormous penis and my troubles start a-meltin' away I take a look at my enormous penis and the happy times are coming to stay I got a sing and a dance when I glance in my pants and the feeling's like a sunshiney day I take a look at my enormous penis and everything is goin' my way (whistling) zu ve zu zab faf fav ve doo vee vu jab vav sah vah yay fo ya fas fas fa shooby-do-wahhhhh zuh buh zay fa fa fa day nah vah PENIS za dum zoob bah-day n doot boh doi yow
everybody I take a look at my enormous penis and my troubles start a-meltin' away I take a look at my enormous penis and the happy times are coming to stay I got great big amounts in the place where it counts and the feeling's like a sunshiney day I take a look at my enormous penis and everything is goin' my way my trouser monster everything is goin' my way my meat is murder everything is goin' my way size doesn't matter everything is goin' my waaaaaay
posted
No, Pan. Thankfully, I have never even heard of Ivor Biggin. For that, I thank my lucky penis.
Props to Astro - that made me do one of those dances where you jut your elbows out from side to side.
I'm off to have my dinner. I shall be thinking up something for this thread (and Misc's) whilst I am away.
-------------------- They give you a pen as fat as a modest cock and you're expected to dab it on the page, as though you were mopping the dregs of an afternoon Tommy. Posts: 1847
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Escarpment of flesh and gristle, Womb-plumber, woman-damager - Lance of muscular lamb, Meat mace, drawn sword of pork; like a Master and Comander mizzenmast Benway's tool pitches and roils Gutwards.
Surprising Kojak meatdive! The rhino is backed, bucking, into A steaming, narrow stall; His spanner in your works.Posts: 8657
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quote:Originally posted by kovacs: I hope today's threads can be archived so some people on here can look back on them when they grow up, and feel ashamed.
I daresay this pissy and redundant contribution will be foremost among those causing a stab of self-reproach in years to come.
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quote:I daresay this pissy and redundant contribution will be foremost among those causing a stab of self-reproach in years to come.
Ben, the age-old "I know you are, but what am I" response doesn't become more effective just because you've cased it in fancy prim language.
I thought you took care with words! Redundant surely means useless and pointless. I think my contributions may help to restore the board into the forum I paid for.
I bear no ill-will: I'd simply like to match posters to appropriate discussion sites. Do you like to start multiple threads about cock and fanny? Then try registering here. I think it's for a younger crowd of girls, but you can always lie about your age.
posted
for the feeble attempt to cast me as the baddie here.
Aside from the fact that I started neither thread about cock and aside from the other fact that, this being the "Sex and Relationships" forum and all, there's nothing remotely reprehensible about doing so, it further pains me to note that any "deterioration" of the boards has taken place during my absence - in other words: on your watch.
Trying to go on the offensive because I've returned to find the place I left in your care gone to rack and ruin (raccoons asleep on the fridge, jackdaws mating in the chimneybreast) is a risible tactic and can hardly distract me from the fact that you've let us both down. Badly.
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posted
SCENE: a DIVE BAR in London town, a week since.
ben: So how's everyone on the forum? How's Bamba? How's Jonesy? How's... Kovacs? I'd love to hear how that guy's getting on.
Benway: Kovacs? O - a painful case.
ben: What do you mean? Is he alright? Not the gout again, is it?
Benway (grinding the heel of his lager-filled pintglass against the patina of grease, split ale and fag burns that makes an untanned hide of the timber tabletop): O no, not the gout. Worse - I suppose - in a way...
ben (alarmed): What meanst thou!?
Benway: O he's alright physically... it's just - just that -
ben: Go on...
Benway (with a look of haggard fixity): It's just it seems to me that the fire's gone out of him.
posted
I'm afraid I lost some of my spirit when I realised, this week, that
1. post-for-post, b3ta.com's boards were more endearing and entertaining than TMO.
2. many threads on here at present would fit without remark into Handbag Relationships.
Combined, these observations led me to wonder whether the unique qualities that we traditionally, smugly assume distinguish TMO from other fora -- the level of wit, the swiftness of riposte, the quality of prose and art, the depth of debate -- had been temporarily diluted.
What would you do about it, then, kovacs. Oh, the usual reality-show proposals. Separate TMO members into pre- and post- Dec 2002 or something, and send the relative newcomers to their own mirror-board. After a week, see who's having more fun. Then board war, board showdown, boardswap, you know.
quote:Originally posted by kovacs: What would you do about it, then, kovacs. Oh, the usual reality-show proposals. Separate TMO members into pre- and post- Dec 2002 or something, and send the relative newcomers to their own mirror-board.
In fairness, the "date when it went to shite" has crept inexorably forward from the moment this community was conceived. November 2000 (does anyone apart from me and Bandy still know what the term pre-Novembrist refers to? I suspect not) was the first such date... then around Easter 2001 (troll train and Kovacs's first blooding), then the dog days of summer 2001, then the dog days of September/October 2002 - after the gigantic SeptemberMeat that seemed, for a while, to have "ruined everything".
If you are talking about 2003==> "relative newcomers" I don't see how you could not include Louche, Astromalingerer and Uber Trick in that number... posters who have made an immeasurable contribution to the forum (not singling out or ignoring anyone... you know what I'm getting at).
The "forum has gone to shit" schtick was showing its age when you first did The Dead thread... which has *got* to be more than 18 months ago now.
Whenever you enter TMO, what's the first place you head? Life. Life. Life.
quote:Originally posted by ben: November 2000 (does anyone apart from me and Bandy still know what the term pre-Novembrist refers to? I suspect not)
Snobbery about self-invented jargon! Any idiot could guess what it meant, and yes of course I'm aware of what you use it to mean.
quote:If you are talking about 2003==> "relative newcomers" I don't see how you could not include Louche, Astromalingerer and Uber Trick in that number... posters who have made an immeasurable contribution to the forum
What more recent contributors have "given" to the forum is bound to be subjective, as everyone has favourites. Anyway, I wasn't suggesting, with my off-the-cuff reality-rubbish, chuck out the new posters and pare the fat from the textual meat. Even on the jokey-hypothetical level, I was saying see what difference it makes, see what kind of community would form on either side if you enforced a cut-off point. See if the older guard are of a different nature. I believe there's been quite an influx from The Cuban Lounge board over the past year. Perhaps, to generalise, they have brought some of TCL's tone to TMO. Perhaps those who were here from TMO's inception have more of the Seethru mentality. I'm not making value judgements here even though TCL is clearly a small, sluggish community, because Seethru wasn't always all that.
quote: The "forum has gone to shit" schtick was showing its age when you first did The Dead thread... which has *got* to be more than 18 months ago now.
Which is why I didn't fall into that obvious trap; and why I chose to say "temporarily diluted".
posted
Eh it was only meant to be a joke. I didn't know I could fit in "Uber Trick" until I got stick and track, and then it seemed so fortuitous that marathon sorta-rhymed with London.
Look I didn't start all this fucking pathetic talk about cocks. If everyone else would grow up, I wouldn't have to lower myself to this poor standard.
posted
Wahay! My 1000th post! and to say that yeah, I'm cool with most things, but stuff about me and my sister at the same time in a sexual context is pretty much a no go area. I think that's a fair comment to make.
quote:Originally posted by kovacs: Then try registering here.
Out of the box vbb board with shit colour scheme and no attempt what-so-ever at any sort of organisation... Naw thanks, at least Handbag made an attempt at making their forums, 'theirs'...
quote:Originally posted by ben: November 2000 (does anyone apart from me and Bandy still know what the term pre-Novembrist refers to? I suspect not)
Oi, you Northern lout... I missed out on Pre-Nov by 3 days... That doesn't mean I forgot what it meant!
-------------------- Evil isn't what you've done, it's feeling bad about it afterwards... Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again. Posts: 3793
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quote:Originally posted by kovacs: Which is why I didn't fall into that obvious trap; and why I chose to say "temporarily diluted".
Oh lighten up; sparring with you never used to be as unrewarding as this - and I'm pretty sure that it's you that's making such heavy weather of it.
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posted
It was late at night; I kept my response short and simple, as I couldn't reciprocate the obsession you appear to have with my "item".
I know you want to engineer a situation where you can stand next to me in a pub urinal and sneak a furtive glance, but that just isn't going to happen.
So you'll just have to keep looking at Jonesy's knob instead.
posted
Let's start a really deep, thought-provoking thread at 3:30 and then when vacs' meeting finishes edit it so it looks like another cock thread or something.
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for the feeble attempt to cast me as the baddie here. 
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