Sorry I haven't been here, I left Japan with my gf, then to a horrendous 3 weeks in China (don't go there, people spit and stick their nails into you when you won't buy something)and now I'm in New Zealand and I just had my entire life stolen out of my car (two bokes I wrote, 5 years of photos etc)
So that's a warning to back up, isn't it. Except I did back up onto my harddrives, it's just they stole those too.
And why was all my stuff in my car? Because my loving, caring girlfriend had decided to pack all my fucking bags because she was having one of her anger moments and so i threw them into my car. Then we made up, but I didn't go and bring them in.
And now I have nothing, they even took the fucking sutis I had made in China.
My dilemma; I am finding it impossible not to blame her for my things going missing, she doesn't just get angry, she gets, really, really, angry and gave me a black eye a few weeks back. Can you, the good citizens of TMO find me a way not to blame her? Because right now, I just want to get on a plane, come home, and service all my stupid fucking debt on a somewhat normal salary (here I'm working two jobs, postman and then call centre to get by) and no one says @oh great john you are SUCH a hardworker!" they just asy @oh when are you goign to see your girlfriend oh how will she cope" well fuck its for 8 weeks and I need them oeny because I came with her and gave up my fucking lucrative job in japan to come to a country which is basically shitting on me.
help.
PS; Sorry I haven't been here more, thigns got hectic outside thei nterweb, I'm sure I wasn't too badly missed.
posted
Crazy women never get any less crazy in my experience. Get away from her (in the most amicable way you can) and start a new life without her.
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Really sorry to here that, john. But you're way too young to have failed at life. Anything can happen yet. It sucks that your books have been nicked, but it's something that's happened to almost everyone I know who writes creatively. You've still got the experience of having written them and the memory of what worked and what didn't, so it's still something you can benefit from, even if the actual stuff you produced needs to be re-done.
I'm not sure if it's worth sticking with someone who gives you a black eye, who's as aggressive to you as that. To be honest, it sounds like there's almost nothign tying you to that place any more. You've worked abroad in well paid jobs before, you know you can do it and now you don't even have any physical crap holding you down. You could pretty much go anywhere and do anything.
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Yeah, I agree with Thorn. You've got nothing keeping you there, your girlfriend sounds like a psycho, and the one plus side of having no stuff is no packing and being free to just go - try to think of it like a fight club style bomb in your appartment and use it as an excuse to start over. You'll be fine. x
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Probably the right decision. A bit of passion and feistiness is good for a relationship. Keeps everyone on their toes.
That's said in the assumption that she's normal and lovely the rest of the time, when you're not having a row. Which I imagine is the case.
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Is giving your partner a black eye OK now, as long as it doesn't happen all the time? Can someone lay out exactly what levels of domestic abuse are acceptable/ unacceptable? I thought the answer was 'any' but clearly that's out of date.
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It seems like an obvious question, but I wonder what the response would be if one of the female posters reported that her partner had given her a shiner in the course of an argument? "Sure, go back to him. It probably won't happen that often." What if Dang mentioned that he'd slugged his wife during the course of a row, but Hey! he only ever does it when his blood is up, so it barely matters. Would that be... OK?
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Actually Jake hit me once, after he caught me snogging Belita. We didn't break up there and then but it really fucked our relationship because he said he never wanted to feel that angry again, so he shut off all his feelings for me, both good and bad. Hitting partners non-consensually - not advisable! But, if honest, most long-term relationships probably feature at least one huge row when one person (usually the guy) chokes or wallops the other one. Then normally stops themselves and punches a wall instead. Right?
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I dunno. I've never hit anyone or anything in an argument. I have to be really, really upset to even raise my voice. I always assumed that punching/ choking/ attacking someone during an argument was something people did because they thought the circumstances would let them get away with it, rather than a loss of control. I mean, even if it is a loss of control it's probably not a good idea to hang out with someone who's deranged to the point where they can't control what they're doing. I've been supremely vicious in things I've said, when I'm pissed off but never gotten physical.
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Maybe I live in candyfloss land, but I've never had even a hint of violence in any of my relationships. I was tempted to smash ex-b in the face with a frying pan on many occasions, but refained. Am I unusual?
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Yes. Post bottle incident, I, caught a flying punch from said psycho, put her on her back and wrapped my hands around her throat screaming "See! See what you've made me become!"
I'm still ashamed of it today. My flat mates walked in terrified. I gave them a look like "You don't understand the mitigating circumstances" (but they rightly saw me as a horrible **** ) before storming out to book into a hotel.
I definitely look back on it as one of the lowest points of my life.
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When my Granddad (war hero, old school macho) left his second wife, it turned out sh'd been beating him – several times it was with frying pans, like Hannah Barbera psycho shit – and he just didn't know what to do. He'd actually retired but pretended he was still working just to get away from her. Every day he'd leave the house in his redundant painting and decorating van, spend the day at the bowling club, draw out some of his savings then return home to present them to her as money earned. It was only when he'd spent every penny he had that the truth came out and they finally separated.
He went into a sort of home, had his own little flat and said he'd never been happier, where he died a happy man several years later. He just didn't know how to leave her (his first wife did the leaving when she died young). He couldn't get over the fact that this government paid for flat allowed him to have the heating on all day and watch the TV. She used to ration the heating and got rid of the TV because he liked sport so much. She did alright, she got his house and then inherited a load of money. Good old bitch.
Her daughter remained friends with my Granddad up until his death but she had to keep it a secret so she wasn't beaten by teflon.
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I've never been nasty to a girlfriend in an aggressive way. Never shouted, never touched. I suppose I've never had a girlfriend who's made me that angry. Once a girl (nobody anybody on TMO knows) admitted that she'd fucked a dude a year previously, but it didn't make me angry, just sort of quietly shattered and saddened. If I find myself getting frustrated, I usually take a second to turn it around and blame myself instead, so then I can slink off, get drunk, and undergo re-birth the following morning.
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quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: What if Dang mentioned that he'd slugged his wife during the course of a row, but Hey! he only ever does it when his blood is up, so it barely matters. Would that be... OK?
Well, we did used to wrestle quite a lot when we first got married. We've both drawn blood, but only through accidental scratching and that. We had some great rows in the olden days, throwing belongings out of windows, kicking in barricaded front doors, that sort of thing. It all died down after a couple of years and just ended up with normal shouting matches and sulks, which continues to this day, even though we've been divorced for nearly a year.
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Are you divorced but still living in the same house? Or did you move out? Or did you just do it to be cool? I've forgotten the Dang Divorce Thing and I still haven't really got my head around it yet.
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quote:Originally posted by London: Are you divorced but still living in the same house? Or did you move out? Or did you just do it to be cool? I've forgotten the Dang Divorce Thing and I still haven't really got my head around it yet.
Still living in same house, acting mostly as before, just not married any more. (I'm working away from home during the week at the moment though of course.)
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Mike and me have these tickle-contests that quickly escalate into attempts to pin eachother down/avoid pinning eachother down. I do get to shout like a big girl when I've had enough or if he's hurting me, though.
I tend to go easy on him because he's Uber-ticklish and can't handle it.
EDIT: Oh, God, how rude of me: Heya John. Chin up, mate, you'll still got a lot of life to go and it will look up sooner or later. Statistically it has to, see?
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It's too late. Now in my mind Lickapaw lives with a giant insect, Mike the Mantis. He stomps in after work chewing a hawk. He slings his briefcase onto the sofa, stampedes towards her, crushes her to the floor with his giant arms and tickles her armpits with his extended tarsus. She starts screaming as if she's dying and when he eases up she flips him over and starts wiggling her fingers quickly all over his leathery hide and he flops onto the carpet making happy chirruping noises from his smiling mandibles. Maybe you could post a recipe for us Lickapaw, about how you'd plan to eat Mike after a bout of larvmaking.
quote:Originally posted by London: Do you still do sex?
Yeah. I mean, nothing's really changed you know, just the ex-'er-indoors didn't want to be married any more. It's not something that can be explained to sane and rational people. I only partially understand it myself.
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a kiss with a fist is better than no kiss at all eh...
you're abroad, experiencing new stuff, dump this crazy bitch and be free again. you can do it. you already have. your relationship won't work once you return to blighty anyway. don't let what could be a once in a lifetime experience descend into drudgery
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*Wees*.
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