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I'm in quite a serious amount of pain today. I braved the worst snow conditions that Britain has seen in 18 years to go and see Soulfy, and found myself in the most bruising moshpit I've seen for years. Soon as the band hits the stage, an arm arced round, caught me full across the shoulders and knocked me flat out like a nine pin. I'd felt like the art of the moshpit was sort of dying out, but this was brutal - fists, elbows, circle pits and wall of death. Feel like I've been worked over with a bat. Been a long time since I felt completely out of my depth at one of these things.
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I battled through clear roads and empty tubes to get to work, only to find that half the staff still 'can't get in'. As we're in Canary Wharf, and these people live in such outlying areas as Bow and Hackney, one can only sympathise.
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I've got a very minor headache that's probably the result of breathing the same air for days. Apart from that, no pain.
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fuck I tell you what, I had fucked up dreams last night. Real nasty. I dreamed that I had been caught by the mob doing some kind of embezzling of their money. I was found out by a low level mob guy, and I had to kill him. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to if I was to live. So I think I drowned him or something, and went on living in fear.
Eventually a mob 'cleaner' turned up to kill me. He had a load of weapons and he came in and I was hanging out with this woman who had been involved in the embezzling. So the guy comes in and he's like, well, I'm going to kill you guys, but because I quite like you, you can chose how you die. Then he slashed the throat of the woman, blood everywhere. I decided I didn't want that so I chose to be shot in the head, one shot.
Anyway, I kind of lean over, close my eyes, and feel the barrel against the side of my head. I'm like, well, I don't really want to die, but I suppose I can't get out of it, and this shouldn't be too bad. And then the dude pulls the trigger and I fall to the floor. I'm momentarily relieved because I'm still alive, and then it hits me that I've been shot in the head and I'm still alive, and that this is now going to be awful. I can't stand up. My vision is all blurry, like I'm looking at the world through the bottom of a pint glass. I can feel my brain hanging over the front of my head. I kind of crawl a bit, and I find I can't speak, only mouth words. I can hear. With some effort I lift my hands to my head and hold the part of my brain that's flopped out of my shattered skull. It's like a piece of fish before it's cooked - heavy and slimy, trying to get away from my hands. I kind of lift and gingerly put it back in my skull more, but my fingers slip and they go in the brain, and suddenly I lose the hearing in my right ear and I realise I just fucking poked through that bit of my brain. All I want is to die at this point, but the hitman sort of leans over and says "one bullet... you've had your one bullet", and then leaves. So I'm just crawling around very very slowy with my brain hanging out, really dreading the remainder of my life. Just this sense of how terribly wrong and unnatural my life had gone, how different to what I'd expected and planned, how I really never wanted to have to hold my own brain in my hands, and the absolute longing for death, but I couldn't kill myself because I couldn't move.
That's when I woke up.
[ 03.02.2009, 06:19: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
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I've been having nightmares almost every night for some time now, but that was a new low/high, simply because I really lived it. I can remember it all, like it's a real memory. I can still feel the sense of everything having gone wrong, and it's kind of like a sense of regret, but there's also a cleanliness to it, because there's no going back, nothing matters once you're in that state. Only that moment exists, the past is of no consequence.
[ 03.02.2009, 06:33: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
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I slept on the sofa the other night because Kate was working night shift and I quite often fall asleep with the TV on in these situations.
Anyway, I was having a dream where my friend and I had decided to have nose jobs (I have no idea whether this was because there was something on TV about that that was permeating my subconscious).
I bumped into my sister and asked whether she thought I should get a nose job and she though it was a great idea, so my friend and I went to this place.
It was bizarre. It had a swimming pool, but there were loads of loose wires hanging from the ceiling and hanging into the water with electrical sparks shooting about. The place where they were doing the operations was in the same room, but just had some padded floors with spikes in and hospital trolleys.
There was a bath next to one of these that was absolutely full of blood and I could see someones legs sticking out but the rest of their body was under the blood. The doctor was like some sort of medieval torturer with similar tools, but my friend decided he was still going to go and have his operation.
I was stood there watching as he lay down on the hospital table, and without an operation the doctor got a pair of pliars and just ripped his septum out. His nose collapsed and was just flapping about on his face, and then he was dumped into a bath which started to fill with the blood that was pouring out of his face.
I decided that this was still a good idea so got up on a hospital table, the doctor got his pliars and clamped onto my septum and fortunately that was when I woke up.
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I didn't suffer any odd dreams last night at all.
Though apparently in my sleep theother night I told my girlfriend she was going to get stabbed. When she asked if I was awake or talking in my sleep (something I've never done before) apparently I replied that I was just talking about a computer game. WTF.
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I had a dream a couple of weeks ago where I raped my friend's wife. There was a moment, just after things had gotten underway where I'd realised I'd comitted to a course of action that I couldn't undo, and that I'd have to kill her when I was done. After that the whole dream was just mounting paranoia and guilt. Everyone was really upset, obviously, and I kept feeling wretched for the misery I'd caused them. And then their line of questioning to me became increasingly suspicious and aggressive, like they were all beginning to suspect that I'd had something to do with her horrible death. Anyway, it was a genuine relief waking up from that and thinking "You know what... I don't think I will rape my friend's wife after all", and then going about my daily business feeling like I'd dodged a bullet.
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quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Though apparently in my sleep theother night I told my girlfriend she was going to get stabbed. When she asked if I was awake or talking in my sleep (something I've never done before) apparently I replied that I was just talking about a computer game. WTF.
Is it common knowledge that you have a girlfriend? I don't think I was aware of this. Congratulations Ringo!
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I don't know. i thought I'd mentioned her before. We've been together for a few months now, but for various reasons weren't making it public knowledge.
Whough obviously if I keep prophesising her violent death in my sleep, it's probably not destined to last that long.
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quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Such as it being our business and not anyone else's?
This never flies. Are you now working in a witness protection scheme? Does the Sultan know his daughter is missing? You met at her 15th birthday party? She is Quato AICM£5?
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The less people who know about you and her the less fingers pointing your way when they find her torso in the boot of a burnt out MX5?
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You can't fit a human torso in the boot of an MX5. Unless it's from a *very* tiny girl. And if memory serves, Ringo prefers a bit of meat on the bones.
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Is it the chick who was sitting next to you in the drifting pics? Thought that was a bit fishy. Just a friend... my arse. Only a loyal, new girlfriend would put herself through such an ordeal.
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The less people who know about him and his midget, 5 year old, girlfriend the less fingers pointing his way when they find her tiny little torso in the boot of a burnt out MX5?
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quote:Originally posted by Ringo: but for various reasons weren't making it public knowledge
Reasons such as???
eta: congrats btw.
I suppose, the less people who know, the less likely some psychotic fuck's to board an aeroplane, fly to the UK, kidnap and subject you both to his sick, vicious torture, before slowly eating you both alive, piece by agonising piece.
quote:Originally posted by Suckmonster: I suppose, the less people who know, the less likely some psychotic fuck's to board an aeroplane, fly to the UK, kidnap and subject you both to his sick, vicious torture, before slowly eating you both alive, piece by agonising piece.
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Well she only recently broke up with her partner of 5 years, with whom she had a mortgage etc. Because of circumstance, she was corced to continue cohabiting with him for some time after they broke up, and he already suspected that I had played a part in their breakup (which I didn't) so to come out with it the moment we started seeing each other would have lit the touch paper on what was already a pretty volatile situation. So it was better simply to not mention it at all.
Also, people are nosy, and sometimes you don't feel it's necessary to have to explain every detail of your life repeatedly to everbody who demands to know your business like its their right or something. y'know?
Anyway, yeah, it's the girl in the photo. Her name's Reema.
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