posted
i still lurk, obviously. im only posting because my sister's having her 14 week scan today, but i dont know if she's told our other sister that shes puppin' yet, so i cant be all up in twitter and facebook and shit going 'WORD WORD WORD ALICE IS AUNTIE!!!' because it would cause bere ruuuuuuuuuuuctions. i am very amused by how excited i am about my incipient auntiehood, mostly because it reminds me of when boy racer's nephew was born and he was walking around as if he had invented oxygen, and everyone was like, 'dude, youre hyperventilating, find a cushion and a paperbag and chillax for a while'. including me a little bit. OK, quite a lot. and now im all like 'ALICE IS AUNTIE! MY YOUNGER SIBLING IS BREEDING SOON AND THE WORLD IS A LIGHTER, SHINIER PLACE. RELEASE THE HELIUM BALLOONS! UNCORK THE BOTTLES! TELL THE DANCING GIRLS TO PULL UP THEIR STOCKINGS AND STRAIGHTEN THEIR HEADDRESSES, FOR THE CARNIVAL OF UNDESERVED SELF- CONGRATULATION IS ABOUT TO BEGIN!'
yeah. being an expectant auntie is pretty cool.
-------------------- evil is boring: cheerful power Posts: 1655
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posted
I know people got all amaze-o about nephews and nieces and babies and relatives and all that, but I've just never had it in me. My nephew is about 5 or 6 now, or something, and I feel like a really crap uncle, because I don't have any real emotional investment in his wellbeing. I wish him well, and look forward to drinking with him when he's a bit older, but that's about it. For the moment, he's just a slightly annoying spoilt child who sometimes produces beautiful little moments of childness, like all children do, because that's what they do. He's no different to any of the others in that regard, except that he's my nephew.
I did take an ace photo of him once, though, but more generally I think it's a very very good thing that I won't be having any children.
posted
yeah, i totally want a massive brood of jamfaced wretches you see but am totally failing to get off the launching pad with the whole you know, adult relationship thing. so its total wish fulfilment you see. i get to practise on someone else's, do the buying of tiny socks and the spitty kisses, without having to worry about catchment areas or lice or cabbage leaves or inevitable experimentation with drugs i wont have heard of let alone have taken.
-------------------- evil is boring: cheerful power Posts: 1655
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Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
posted
quote:Originally posted by mart: SG5 you have awful, awful plates.
Yes, but do you like his phallic butternut squash thing. Actually, is it even phallic or have I got a weird one on me this afternoon?
My neices make me cry. The eldest one is currently going through the assorted, awful, awful processes of family counselling and has been referred to the local CAMS team because she's having some kind of delayed reaction to the whole previous divorce thing and it utterly wrenches something inside me just to think about it, really.
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posted
i was going to write something really really teaky then, so id like to thank cherry in hove, for owning plates so bizarrely awful that they have completely excised all thoughts of teakiness from my mind, and mart, for bringing my attention to them JUST IN TIME.
posted
i cant remember what my original definition of teaky was. children with learning disabilities doing ballet routines is pretty much the archetype of teaky. its things that you kind of want to laugh at but then you feel bad because laughing at them makes you a terrible human being because theyre also sort of beautiful. so actually, what i was about to write wasnt even teaky. it was just pathetic.
-------------------- evil is boring: cheerful power Posts: 1655
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posted
they do match though. none of my plates match. and one of my mugs says something about bums on it. 'crunchy bum' or 'slushy bum' or something, something irritatingly nonsensical. it has cartoon characters on it, you know those ones off greeting cards. so i cant really talk.
-------------------- evil is boring: cheerful power Posts: 1655
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posted
We've got matching mugs to those plates and they're the most ridiculous mugs in the world. They are square mugs which sounds like a "clever" and "edgy" idea or something, but it is almost impossible to drink from them.
I don't have a square mouth so I require round cups.
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quote:Originally posted by Louche: Can't you send the plates to an Old Plates Home and get some new ones?
I do want to get some new plates, but at the moment I'm trying to be cautious with money and these plates do work as plates so it seems a bit ridiculous to replace them with plates that work in exactly the same way but that will look better in photos.
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posted
SG5's horrible plates remind me of an advert for a steering wheel I wrote on another forum:
quote:The time has come to part company with what may well be the greatest steering wheel ever made.
Let's take a look at the basics:
Type - Steering wheel Colour - White and chrome Size - a bit bigger than a dinner plate. A regular dinner plate, mind, not like those real big dinner plates that fatties use. And definitely not those stupid square ones which people buy because they think they're cool to show off at dinner parties where all their dead-eyed guest are all "Oh I do love your square plates, they're so different!" while secretly imagining what you'd look like with a pick-axe stuck in your skull.
Advanced Features: Bi-directional rotation - wheel can be used in both clockwise and anti-clockwise directions, enabling a complete range of steering angles both left and right. Don't be caught out by cheap steering wheels which only allow you to steer left. This is the real deal and goes both ways.
Circular shape construction - A circle is the most efficient shape for a steering wheel, due to its circulous movement. A circular steering wheel will move freely through the hands, where other shapes such as triangles, star shapes, and dodecahedrons, can tend to cause Palmular Chafing Syndrome. Horn Push - Horn-push feature ensures that your horn is ready for action whenever you need it. This easy-to-operate feature is controlled by a circular pad in the centre of the wheel which, when pushed, emits a loud hornlike sound, demonstrating to other road users your awesomeness and superiority.
Extreme JDM-tyteness - Can, in some cases, cause prolonged periods of extreme awesome, increasing your drift skills by a factor of 14.57. Can also improve your sex life. Cures the Seven Signs of Ageing.
Possible bad points
There is a small but noticeable chip in the paint at the bottom of the middle spoke, about 8mm in length. May be touch-uppable, or you can do what I did and just ignore it until you no longer notice it.
Paint is slightly scratched in places. Nothing bad but tends to pick up dirt from your hands and may require occasional cleaning with a cotton-bud or similar.
It sold within ten minutes of being advertised...
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Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
posted
When I bought square plates I sensibly just bought two square plates, to see how I got on with the concept of square plates generally. They're black square plates. They're like something Patrick Bateman would own. And eat salad off. Or perhaps store a kidney on, in his fridge.
I don't really like them much.
I have holiday cottage plates now. They're cheap, chipped and too small for anything other than frugal portions.
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quote:Originally posted by Ringo: SG5's horrible plates remind me of an advert for a steering wheel I wrote on another forum:
quote:The time has come to part company with what may well be the greatest steering wheel ever made.
Let's take a look at the basics:
Type - Steering wheel Colour - White and chrome Size - a bit bigger than a dinner plate. A regular dinner plate, mind, not like those real big dinner plates that fatties use. And definitely not those stupid square ones which people buy because they think they're cool to show off at dinner parties where all their dead-eyed guest are all "Oh I do love your square plates, they're so different!" while secretly imagining what you'd look like with a pick-axe stuck in your skull.
Advanced Features: Bi-directional rotation - wheel can be used in both clockwise and anti-clockwise directions, enabling a complete range of steering angles both left and right. Don't be caught out by cheap steering wheels which only allow you to steer left. This is the real deal and goes both ways.
Circular shape construction - A circle is the most efficient shape for a steering wheel, due to its circulous movement. A circular steering wheel will move freely through the hands, where other shapes such as triangles, star shapes, and dodecahedrons, can tend to cause Palmular Chafing Syndrome. Horn Push - Horn-push feature ensures that your horn is ready for action whenever you need it. This easy-to-operate feature is controlled by a circular pad in the centre of the wheel which, when pushed, emits a loud hornlike sound, demonstrating to other road users your awesomeness and superiority.
Extreme JDM-tyteness - Can, in some cases, cause prolonged periods of extreme awesome, increasing your drift skills by a factor of 14.57. Can also improve your sex life. Cures the Seven Signs of Ageing.
Possible bad points
There is a small but noticeable chip in the paint at the bottom of the middle spoke, about 8mm in length. May be touch-uppable, or you can do what I did and just ignore it until you no longer notice it.
Paint is slightly scratched in places. Nothing bad but tends to pick up dirt from your hands and may require occasional cleaning with a cotton-bud or similar.
It sold within ten minutes of being advertised...
This is a work of art.
-------------------- A day without laughter is a day wasted. In memory of Alastair Posts: 1936
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posted
While we're all chatting, does anyone have anything good to say about Birmingham? My girlfriend is living there for a few weeks, in Edgbaston, and I keep going down to see her, and the overriding feeling we both get is that the city is, pretty much, awful.
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posted
I've only really ever seen the inside of the NEC. Which doesn't really give much of an idea about the place. Driftworks are based in Birmingham so that's one plus point I guess. Isn't someone on here from Birmingham? CiH or someone?
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quote:Originally posted by mart: Who's going to hate who for which photo? And why?
Your photo of your nephew. It is a very beautiful photo and it makes him look beautiful. Small boys rarely find being made to look beautiful and gamin cool. But I had a flight of fancy and imagined him old and wrinkled and looking at the picture with true nostalgia and envy for his former beauty in it.
-------------------- A day without laughter is a day wasted. In memory of Alastair Posts: 1936
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posted
Last time I was in Birmingham, it was the seventies. The bike broke down and some coppers helped us fix it. I think times have changed since then.
-------------------- A day without laughter is a day wasted. In memory of Alastair Posts: 1936
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