posted
Does anyone else get that thing where they start to feel generally ill from about October, and it hangs around until March-ish? It never really develops into anything but it's an underlying stuffiness, with a more or less constant background pain in the head which affects your sleep and leaves you feeling drained and run down.
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posted
I am 'leading a team' in an hour, lol, so I might as well go and get one now. I'll have a to pop a t-shirt on though first. Working from home, eh readers? It's a hard life.
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posted
I'd like to be in a team led by Benway. Sitting round a table, bolt upright, pen in my hand, diligently writing down everything he says. Making suggestions every time he asks for input. Smiling to myself when he says things like "Thanks for that Ian. That's a good point". I'd be the happiest worker bee in Londinium.
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posted
I don't think he'd say that though. I think he'd just pause for a moment after you said something, maybe exhale deeply, before continuing with what he was talking about.
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...and then, at the end of the meeting you'd all file out. In the corridor you'd notice you'd forgotten your brief case, so you nip back into the conference room. There sits Benway, head turned away, hand to his face, trying to mask the tears, but his heaving shoulders and the sniffling give him away. You sidle over and grab the case, you think maybe you should slip out of the room and pretend this never happened, but...
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: I don't think he'd say that though. I think he'd just pause for a moment after you said something, maybe exhale deeply, before continuing with what he was talking about.
"I'm sorry Ian, what was that? Right. Why are you here again? I've got in front of me Belbin's list of the 8 personalities you need for an effective team, and I don't see 'complete fucking retard' anywhere on it. I'm looking now at the core objectives for this team and 'listen to another cretinous suggestion from Ian' isn't one of them. Let's have a look at the KPIs... No... no... I don't see anything about Ian having to come up with a minimum number of utterly unworkable and transparently flawed action points. So how about we forget you opened your stupid fucking face and try and progress this meeting without any more input from the mongoloid parade."
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there a french man on the team who never says anything, and I'm starting to delight in posing questions to him over conference calls and just leaving the silence hanging there. If you can get the timing just right, it's a thing of beauty.
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quote:Originally posted by Ringo: I don't think he'd say that though. I think he'd just pause for a moment after you said something, maybe exhale deeply, before continuing with what he was talking about.
posted
fans of me will no doubt be delighted to learn that I'm conducting an online 'webinar' tomorrow for some 'east asian dignitaries' in what will no doubt be some kind of hi-tech farce involving cats jumping on keyboards, audio mics picking up trips to the toilet, and situations arising that you would expect to cause massive offence, but actually show how laid back and easy going I am, thus winning us the deal. I don't know, maybe my nemesis has cut a video into my presentation, of me, drunkenly doing a naked conga with a load of girls in bikinis. It flashes on the screen and mr. yamaguchi goes quiet and looks outraged on the video feed, we all think it's lost, but then he bursts out laughing and everybody around the far east starts high fiving each other. Cut to, everybody in bermuda shorts, dancing around and shaking hands, while my broom-up-ass nemesis whacks his idiotic sidekick over the head, and they are both soaking wet / covered in food somehow.
I just did a presentation to my team about the video conferencing kit here, starting off by saying how reliable it was and how we would never have much call to support it. Then we went to one of the conferencing rooms and literally nothing worked. So I was just left standing at the front of the room flapping around saying half sentences about "this is very odd... hold on let me just.... ordinarily it wouldn't..." as I jabbed at the control panel innefectively. It was rubbish.
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no i don't have cats. one will get in somehow and start walking all over the keyboard, spelling out crude insults, and then it'll position its rear end right up against the webcam. During this time I'm probably, I don't know, wrestling with a fake telecoms man sent by my nemesis, who I saw through the window was about to cut off my internet connection.
quote:Originally posted by dance margarita: i wonder if i will ever participate in a webinar. i doubt it somehow.
I've done one today. They sent out the information about the webinar including a powerpoint document and a word document so I thought I'd be prepared by reading through the stuff first which took about 15 minutes. I then had to be on the webinar for 90 minutes while someone went through the powerpoint document and the word document and read it out verbatim to us.
I think the lesson to learn here is that it is a bad idea to be prepared for webinars.
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i think the lesson i have learnt from this SINGLE webinar related anecdote is that i have no need or desire to participate in a webinar, so i thank you for that. they sound dreary and pointless and entirely un- life- affirming. unless there should one day be a webinar where a group of people in suits hooks up on the internet to shout the word 'webinar!' at each other over and over again, because its quite a funny word.
talking of dreary, pointless, and entirely un- life- affirming, i have a 1500 word essay to write about the effect that images and perceptions of older people have on understandings of mental health and distress in later life. instead i am fartarseing about on the internet. i could probably write 200 words on the effect that not enough cake has had on my understanding of fucking stupid essay questions about mad coffindodgers. srsly, i hate writing essays. i used to be quite clever and motivated until last november, i swear. now im just like, NNGGHGHNNGHGNGGH. that is the noise my brain makes after 5 minutes of concentrated study. look at page of notes- NNGGHGHNNGHGNGGH. draw mindmap- NNGGHGHNNGHGNGGH. write three lines of introductory signposting paragr- NNGGHGHNNGHGNGGH. where all my cake at, bish?
posted
Thorn's Top Essay Writing Tip: Think of a clever, counter-intuitive conclusion for your essay and then work backwards, crowbarring evidence in to justify your comments, twisting logic, and drawing spurious conclusions. It works best if the final paragraph isn't even all that clever: it just needs have a tone of "aaaAAAHHH!" like a column in the Sunday papers. "actually porn is feminist aaaAAAHH" "actually Tess brough all her tribulations on herself, and it was her who was punishing society aaaaAAAHHH" "actually unsympathetic portrayals of old people help build understanding of mental illness in later life aaaaAAAH!"
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thankyou, thorn. just to clarify, is that the essay you hand in, or is this just an intellectual exercise which helps you to clarify and shape ideas, in preparation for the essay you finally write which isnt completely mental?
naw but seriously, i will try that as an exercise in reperspectivising. then i will probably go and buy some cake. if neither of those work, i will kill myself with a knife or gun or maybe a hammer.
-------------------- evil is boring: cheerful power Posts: 1655
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Don't put the word "aaaAAAAH" in at the end though. That won't help. Also, it probably mainly only works for academic essays, where the aim is to demonstrate independent thought, and an ability to build an argument. If you think they're more interested in genuinely helping old people, you probably shouldn't use geriatric spastics as a platform for showing off your intellectual gymnastics.
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posted
My soup does not have high salt levels as I don't put any salt in it. Although, if I can't be bothered to make stock then I use marigold bouillon powder which I guess probably does have some salt in it, but 4 teaspoons of that makes about four large bowls of that so even if it was fully made of salt, which it isn't, that would only be a teaspoon of salt per bowl and although that probably is too much, it isn't entirely salt and so therefore it's probably alright. i think. Something called "marigold" can't be bad for you. FACT
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