Frank
moon-chain-silver-mother-breakfast-fry-up-sausage
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quote:Originally posted by Harlequin: I wouldn't waste vmy money staying at one of those rip off hotels if I were you. You can stay at Crystal Palace Park camping site for 7:50 a night or better still go fly camping on Hampstead Heath or some other wild open space in the capital like Fryant country park near Wembley.
Cheers, I'll do that! What with me being a tramp and everything, it's the perfect solution!
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Actually, the usual term for a homeless person would be simply "bum".
But I thought using that term here might cause confusion. As in, "London was standing at the cash machine, flung a cigarette at her bum, and ran away."
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You lie! They are called 'street people!' Not to be confused with the equally annoying 'street teams' who are paid to post things like 'The Silver Bardots are the best band ever their new single is out next week and their video is amazing I drink Malibu Spiced Rum' on music message boards the world over.
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Don't forget the message board postings about various cannabis festivals in Brixton. I may actually have seen one or two of those. The postings, not the festivals.
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We have a tramp here in Bristol only he may not be a tramp because he never begs or anything but he’s a weirdy one and no mistake he wears a black hooded robe belted with thick rope and a bright like bright as the sky bright blue wig. He looks like a drunk punk monk. And he lows like a cow when he walks. Fmooooeegeghhh. If a cow were a chanting Buddhist. Hippychick and Gail will both back me up on this.
I remember when I worked in an off licence and this trampy looking chap in a wheelchair came in to buy a big bottle of Scrumpy Jack cider. He looked pissed out of his tiny. And angry. Anyway, he paid and had to lean over just slightly to get his change. Slightly like this:
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Where
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Was his starting position and
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Would be fast asleep or dead. Or ducking to avoid a low bridge.
Anyway he emptied his colostomy bag all over the floor by my counter. I only noticed because he left tyre tracks of cidery wizz behind him. O yeah, and because I stank of piss all night.
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quote:Originally posted by Frank: Cheers, I'll do that! What with me being a tramp and everything, it's the perfect solution!
Well if you look through a street map of London you will see loads of green open spaces, many of which are overgrown and suitable for flycamping such as Walthemstow Marches off Lea Bridge Road near Hackney and the area around Welsh Harp resovouir near Brent Cross. Fly camping is also fun! Posts: 1396
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I'm sure someone else off TMO knows him too (dang?) He has a giant grey beard and in the summer wears fluorescent yellow shorts, sandals and nothing else. He stands on the crossroads by Southfields tube station and just shouts stuff. Abuse, greetings or advice depending on his mood. Sometimes he shouts at the pedestrians, sometimes the unfortunate driver stuck at the traffic lights who then becomes his victim for the subsequent 3 minutes. He is in his absolute element during Wimbledon when he can abuse the streams of tourists that walk from the station to the grounds along the road.
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quote:Originally posted by Modge: Best London Tramp = Southfields man.
Oh yeah. I had a post about him going through me 'ead as I was reading this thread. At Christmas he digs out loads of hideous Christmas themed baubles and attaches them to his clothes so he ends up like a grotesque horror film character. Then he shouts at little children, perhaps causing them to fear Father Christmas for the rest of their lives.
quote:Originally posted by London: Not to be confused with the equally annoying 'street teams' who are paid to post things like 'The Silver Bardots are the best band ever their new single is out next week and their video is amazing I drink Malibu Spiced Rum' on music message boards the world over.
Is this Flyber Posting? (Phwoar, I just Googled that term and got none hits.)
OK, what's this:
"Oh, you're soooo huge. I don't think I've ever had a willy sooooo massive before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like I'm definately going to come. Ooh, that was greaaat. I bet you've made loaaads of women come haven't you."
A sarcgasm! (I did get one Google hit on that, but I think it was a typo.)
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quote:Originally posted by 69CE: Hippychick and Gail will both back me up on this.
'Fraid I've never seen this guy - where does he hang out? Round my way we have a jogging man. He, ermm, has long dreads (obviously) and jogs.
Elvis, I was in your neck of the woods on Saturday evening - was it pikeys' night out or what? I would have taken some photos á la Martin Parr, but I feared the more intelligent of them would have accused me of stealing their souls...
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quote:Gail: Elvis, I was in your neck of the woods on Saturday evening - was it pikeys' night out or what? I would have taken some photos á la Martin Parr, but I feared the more intelligent of them would have accused me of stealing their souls...
Genuinely honestly? L. . L. It was rag day. Dude, I left town. It’s horrible. The Star and The Duke, two of the finest, most honest boozers on God’s green earth, laid waste by the cider till I’m red brigade.
Did you stay for the Wurzelsesque finale? They do a couple of anthems, ending with “Pill, Pill. I love thee still (tho I’m drunk on zoider)”. There’s a fellow normally gets up and does an a-cappella version of – o fuck what is it? The one about the girl. Slightly haunting – “Twice Daily”, that’s the one. Anyway, he’s a love.
That's cool as milk you were there. Sorry about the pikems.
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Yes. Also Compton Dando, home of Hip Hop. Who can forget NWA’s wheezy-listening classic ‘Straight outta Compton Dando”? (Taken from the Negresses With Asthma classic first album “Rock and Salbutamol: Short breaks for the bronchially challenged”, recorded in nearby Yo-ville.)
Also: somebody invented the word negress!
Also: Straight outta Compton (Dando) was a genuine record by one of the West Country’s many punk bands. Sadly I can’t remember their name. It was funny at the time [not difficult in 1988 – alternative comedy hatin’ ed].
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H1ppychick
We all prisoners, chickee-baby. We all locked in.
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Elvo
I don't know the aforementioned crusty. Do you remember Wedding Dress Lady who used to roam Broadmead, looking like a deranged Miss Haversham (bit of a tautology there, ne'ermind) and harassing the lunchtime punters who were attempting to spend their wage packet in JJB Sport and New Look?
Also, also. What about the Lunchtime Christians who would regularly set up shop on the merrygoround bit in the middle of Broadmead and do their poster-painting homilies to modern life? I used to love them. Trying to pitch fellow love to the seething capitalist mass whose only concern was the size of the queue in the Post Office.
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Hippy chic, the Christians have split. Much like Suede.
The original Christians have moved (top of Corn Street) where, bereft of their sparky lead headnodder, they do much the same schtick but not as good. Also, they are dwindling. The girls with headscarves have deserted them (perhaps for hot cock), leaving only the pallid lead Christian and somebody who looks a bit like him but less interesting. They are the quietest Christians in the worl’.
The lead headnodder, however, done got hisself involved in some hellfyah and dam-nay-shun style stuh-reet preachin’! He has a new frontman and some backing headnodders. He also has a microphone and speaker system. They stand outside MacDonald’s. He’s an ambitious Christian, but I wonder if his experimentation is somehow at the price of a simple message simply delivered. I’d like to see him do an acoustic set.
p.s. I'm drawing a vague something on wedding dress lady. Perhaps if you were to remember the Monk, I might recall more...
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H1ppychick
We all prisoners, chickee-baby. We all locked in.
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But of course! The Punk Monk! How could I have forgotten, etc.
Reminisce (PM-Dawn stylee) on Cedric, the rastaed tramp who used The Triangle as his stomping ground. This was ten years ago, though - I think he has long since departed for the Cardboard City in the Sky. He was lovely.
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Speaking of religious types, Woking was seemingly overrun with the God-botherer brigade last week, there was a Christian (soft) rock group outside Sainsbury’s belting out messages of love and holiness and smiling pityingly at the heathen hordes attempting to buy their lunch, outside the same mall was a slightly quieter but just as holy bunch of Christian crooners, and down in the main square there was a free barbecue, the only stipulation being that while you queued up you had to put up with more pitying smiles as well as having to listen to the Christian tunes they were playing at full volume (in fact you had to put up with that if you dared pass within half a mile of them). Needless to say I went to KFC instead.
Is this a normal sort of event in this part of the country does anyone know? Whole towns being taken over by well-meaning bible-bashers with pitying smiles and knowing expressions.
Considering that Woking has a huge muslim community I couldn’t help wondering what they’d make of it all..
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All I've seen recently are the hordes of young men in suits with "Jesus Christ: PR Rep" badges on them. They seem far too polite and mild-mannered to get any quality conversions.
Oh, I was in Corydon the other weekend and saw Ken Livingstone walking up the street with God's Army (as delineated on their banners) walking towards him from the opposite direction, with happy children banging drums and suchlike jolity. I don't know what happened when they converged.
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Nothing to do with tramps, but reading the word Christians reminded me of a weird group that hang outside the Co-Op. There are around 6 families and they all dress the same (almost the way Amish people dress) they stand preaching about the evils of the world and how the Devil is in me, and how I need to be purified by God. This doesn’t bother me too much as there are a few groups around my town like them and you get use to it. The thing that really creeps me out (and this has happened a few times) is their ability to disappear without a trace. As they stand next to the entrance with the cigarette counter next to it I have to pass them to go in, but when I come out of the shop they have completely disappeared. The Co-Op is on a long road where you can see a long way in each direction and they can’t be seen. It takes a maximum of 1 min to go into the shop, buy fags and leave, and it takes at least 5 mins to walk far enough to be out of sight? Where do they go, and why does it happen to me every time they’re there?
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Greenpeace is just like the BNP, just with like…seals and stuff Posts: 211
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Father bible basher: She looks like a sinner! Mother bible basher: Yes, a foul sinner, she’ll burn with the devil Father bible basher: Tell you what. Lets hide round the corner and jump out on her, that’ll sh*t her up a bit! Children bible bashers: Yeah can we?! Mother bible basher: Oh all right then, everyone get round the corner and stay quiet * All shuffle round corner and hide in the shadows * Children bible bashers: So what do we say when we jump out? Father bible basher: Eh? Children bible bashers: Well do we say “accept jesus into your heart sinner!”, or “repent and you shall be saved!”, or should we all just go “BOO!” really loudly? Father bible basher: Umm, whichever makes you happy? Mother bible basher: Won’t it work better if we all say the same thing? Father bible basher: Fine, everyone say “Jesus is your saviour, accept him into your heart!” * Minutes pass * Father bible basher: Where is she? Children bible bashers: Umm, isn’t that her half way down the road there smoking a fag? Father bible basher: b*gger…lets go and harass some old people and tramps instead, that’s normally good for a laugh.. Children bible bashers: Yayy!! * All traipse off practising pitying smiles and knowing looks *
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We're always fart-assing around talking about how we want to be creative and just aren't. But this thread is like totally fucking juicily drippingly over-ripe for being turned into a little book, a little illustrated screenprinted book. Just all the descriptions of the tramps, and then whoever is good at doing drawings can do drawings of the tramps. Tramps of London! It would be great. I'm thinking of someone with a kind of Julie Doucet drawing style perhaps, quite hard, clean lines. Would you all be prepared to have your content used in this way? I think it would be rad.
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quote:Originally posted by 69CE: Did you stay for the Wurzelsesque finale?
I only happened upon the whole thing by accident, and when I did I was scared, so only stopped to consult my map (was on a trip to Portbury Dock, in search of birds and photogenic sunsets, but got lost coming out of Pill and never quite made it) for the quickest route out of town.
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London, I speak for all of us when I say yes. Of course. We would be delighted. We would be double-bubble delighted if Raz did the drawings. Raz or David Hockney.
Bill Oddie is always down Portbury Dock with his roll of sellotape and hungry expression. The bird-fucking **** .
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It was Moggycookie who didn't play Harvest Moon! No, forget it - I'm sorry I said anything. I just got overexcited for a moment. I'm fine again now.
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