posted
who remembers stevie v? eh? any relation, stevie x? or is your name just a clever pun on his?
i watched DIRTY WAR last night. wooarghhhh!!! it was aces. lots of sinister brownskinned men making bombes and explodicising london, cgi of mushroom clouds billowing over the gherkin, and naked ladies in decontamination showers. there was even an orchestrally soundtracked heroic fireman scene! it was utterly terrifying in the most entertainingly possible way, like watching the exorcist or going on a rollercoaster.
me and my mum and the ninja sat around discussing what we were going to have in our anderson shelter/ apocalypse cupboard. it will be better than richard madeley's apocalypse cupboard- we will have tinned artichoke hearts and rillettes de canard from the farmers market. if youre going to be in an anderson shelter, you might as well pamper yerself, eh?
did dirty war leave you feeling more prepared for a possible dirty bomb attack? are you more frightened today than you were yesterday? were you more frightened yesterday than the day before? no? yes? why arent you frightened yet? dont you realise were all going to die? we are! we are!
what will you have in your anderson shelter, londoners?* porn? supernoodles? bollinger? cyanide tablets?
* lets not pretend that any terrorist in their right mind is going to bother dirtybombing anywhere in hampshire, however much we write and ask them to. ive sent three letters to osama just this month.
quote:Originally posted by discodamage: what will you have in your anderson shelter, londoners? porn? supernoodles? bollinger? cyanide tablets?
Though they'd doubtless be of some entertainment value in the event of terrorist attack, I'm sure there's be more essential items to have with you than Londoners.
Posts: 8657
| IP: Logged
posted
I didn't see Dirty War, although it's title is amusing me in a particularly juvenile, Beavis and Butthead, huh-huh "Dirty", type of way at the moment.
-------------------- Some people stand in the darkness, afraid to step into the light... Posts: 3770
| IP: Logged
posted
if you dont want to talk about dirty war we can talk about dirty cash by stevie v if you like. im not fussy, im just trying to kick the dust up around here a little bit, y'know?
-------------------- EXETER- movement of Jah people. Posts: 2841
| IP: Logged
posted
Did anyone tape it or is it going to be repeated? I was delayed coming back from Barcelona so missed the whole kerfuffle.
When we set off from BHam airport (after 9pm) there was a brief Orson Welles moment as we tuned into the Sunday Surgery on Radio 1 and heard a simulation of a major terrorist attack on London which we soon realised was just a lead-in to a discussion about teens' fears of getting gassed/torched/vapourised by religious crazies. I'll admit: for a few moments I went into 'combat mode' but I'm not entirely sure how this would have helped matters in the event of actual terrorist attack.
Posts: 8657
| IP: Logged
posted
I didn't watch the programme, but I did see the discussion panel with Fiona the Bruce that they did afterwards, which was part Question Time, part This Morning phone-in. The main points seemed to be:
1. The BBC was ir/responsible to make and show this programme. It should have been a straight documentary some said, it was a good way of presenting the information others retorted.
2. It was unfair on Muslims. The balance of bad-good muslims was tipped too strongly to the negative. One muslim police lady is not enough! said the audience.
3. There is too much focus on London (said a lady in Manchester) when talking about terrorism. Well, London is bigger and needs more resources, the threat is there v. previous attacks in other places and a sense that Londres is not the centre of the universe.
4. The government leaflets are rubbish and patronising, although they are available in Urdu. pretty much unanimous, although some thought it was good not to panic and over-inform people.
A surprising number of the question-asking audience turned out to be medical personnel, firefighters, ex-terrorism experts and the requisite muslims. There was also an ex-forces man in a mustard coloured polo shirt who started yelling "tell the truth!" while jabbing his finger a lot.
Unfortunately, for all their experts and FtB fielding questions from a fair few people, they didn't seem to really answer anything. They said that hospitals are prepared for "moderate" casualties, and that people shouldn't panic buy, but buy an extra tin of food every week. They said that Manchester probably better prepared for an attack than London because of the Commonwealth Games and that they didn't want to make people hate Muslims. blah blah blahblahblah. They said that people needed information, but that there are risks in giving out information. great. The whole thing came off as an attempt to appear responsible rather than a genuine desire to debate and inform. poor.
Posts: 1268
| IP: Logged
posted
my mums working at the beeb at the moment, i can see if she can get hold of a copy for you. i think you would have enjoyed it.
eta: yeah, modge, the discussion afterwards was shocking. man from muslim council says 'no, i think it was a more balanced portrayal than we could have expected'. five more muslims say 'no it was bad everyone thinks we are terrorists!'. why is there so much more focus on london? because its the capital city of the country, has roughly 8 times as many inhabitants as birmingham, and its also one of the world's major financial centres. birmingham isnt; get over it.
i wouldnt have watched it if it had been a panorama. i dont do current affairs on sunday evenings, unless they involve tricksy cgi and heroic fireman scenes.
posted
Has anyone here got their 'how to survive a terrorist outrage by hoarding tins of pilchards' leaflet yet? I certainly haven't. Maybe they're just hoping my 'hood will be vapourised in the attack.
I didn't see Dorrrty War, as I was watching mad people fall in love on ITV. Though that was called Dorrrrty Love, so maybe there was a connection.
Posts: 4537
| IP: Logged
quote:Originally posted by herbs: Has anyone here got their 'how to survive a terrorist outrage by hoarding tins of pilchards' leaflet yet? I certainly haven't. Maybe they're just hoping my 'hood will be vapourised in the attack.
We didn't get any through our letter box either. 10 people live in my house - that's an awful lot of mineral water sales they're missing out on.
Posts: 13758
| IP: Logged
quote:Originally posted by discodamage: what the fuck is an answerson shelter, eh?
This was an affordable home defence shelter, named after the then Home Secretary John (Later Sir John) Anderson. In 1938 he approached engineers Oscar Karl Kerrison and William Patterson who within 2 weeks of the idea being put to them, came up with the first prototype.
It consisted of 14 sheets of Corrugated Iron, and were issued to people earning less than 250 pounds a year for free, else a charge of 7 pounds was made - the first recipients were in Islington. They were notirious for flooding but did provide some protection from the bombs of the Nazi Luftwaffe.
In the event of a thermonuclear blast they would not be much cop, unless they were sealed and made of lead.
From my Army training - FC BY TEN Flash Cloud Blast Yield Thermonuclear effect Electro magnetic pulse * Nuclear fallout
- sequence of a bomb explosion. Note the point * - this means that the effect seen in Goldeneye for example, when a weapon is fired destroys all electronics within the blast zone. So how come the firemens radios, and one pelican crossing which was even bent over from the blast was still working.
Mind you good shooting by the special ops with the second guys.
Am I frightened - nope - just another bunch of people trying to buggar up london - they have tried and failed for years, so what's to say they will get it right now. Life goes on, just the scaremongering makes greater television.
posted
Did they really say to buy an extra tin of food every week? I suppose Tesco et al aren't making high enough profits these days.
I imagine a bomb would be detonated at rush hour for maximum chaotic effect, meaning any extra packs of Supernoodles in my cupboard would be wasted. See, I'm one step ahead of the terrorists already.
I wonder if those mentale survivalists, like what Louis Theroux met, get all excited when they hear of terror attacks. Every day when their elaborate precautions are not necessary must be another crushing disappointment.
-------------------- What I object to is the colour of some of these wheelie bins and where they are left, in some areas outside all week in the front garden. Posts: 4941
| IP: Logged
quote:Originally posted by discodamage: why is there so much more focus on london? because its the capital city of the country, has roughly 8 times as many inhabitants as birmingham, and its also one of the world's major financial centres. birmingham isnt; get over it.
These fules should check out 1980s nuclear grim-o-rama Threads if they're so het up about regional representation in disastumentary-drama.
Posts: 8657
| IP: Logged
quote:Originally posted by ben: These fules should check out 1980s nuclear grim-o-rama Threads if they're so het up about regional representation in disastumentary-drama.
That was the bomb, no pun intended, as far as scary shit screwing up your entire fluffy memories of 80's television is concerned. Even a couple of years back visiting the Imperial war museum and seeing the government protect and survive information films with the horrid radiophonic noises representing fallout bought it all back - probably one of the most horrifying yet accurate portrayals of a post apocalyptic Britain.
H1ppychick
We all prisoners, chickee-baby. We all locked in.
posted
I got that leaflet through my door. Obviously the Government either:
a) cares more about us qualitats regional yuppies than you low-rent London and Norvern oiks or; b) thinks Bristolians are really really stupid and need the help.
I bet I know which.
-------------------- i'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song Posts: 4243
| IP: Logged
I didn't watch mad people fall in love on ITV because I find that Shirley Henderson monumentally annoying. The woman always looks like she's got the sniffles.
I smashed up cars on my XBOX whilst drinking red wine instead. Fun.
I think I would probably have my XBOX and red wine in my Anderson shelter.
-------------------- Some people stand in the darkness, afraid to step into the light... Posts: 3770
| IP: Logged
posted
Ack! I screwed up - didn't know the technology behind dirty bombs - hence no big Boomshanka bye bye London town. Seems they only are normal bombs which spit out radioactive dust and thus make the place 'dirty', or contaminated by radioactivity for a long time. This would explain the 'lecky still being on after the explosion.
quote:Originally posted by discodamage: who remembers stevie v? eh? any relation, stevie x? or is your name just a clever pun on his?
No & no.
-------------------- i wrote for luck - they sent me you Posts: 3505
| IP: Logged
Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
posted
I very nearly embarked on one of my tenuously justified badly thought out oop-north is ace rants, basis of which was that Manchester was just as likely to be bombed as London, innit? innit? Then it occurred to me that there's something essentially surreal and mildly comedic in arguing the merits of your city as a terrorist target. Somehow just not quite right.
Posts: 5776
| IP: Logged
quote:Originally posted by Louche: Then it occurred to me that there's something essentially surreal and mildly comedic in arguing the merits of your city as a terrorist target. Somehow just not quite right.
New London Terror Bid Committee Announced
Following the failure of its recent Olympics 2012 bid, and inspired by the investment and kudos gained by New York's pioneering 'Nine Eleven' event in 2001, London has announced the formation of a new Terror Bid Committee. It has already made a number of enticing documentary videos, including Dirty Bomb, which show the eminent suitability of the nation's capital as a future terrorist target.
Members of the committee include former terrorist hostage Terry Waite who said, "I'd love to see some of the guys in action again. To have them here in London would be a real coup. To have a real coup in London would be an even bigger bonus."
Corporation leaders in the North West of the country were quick to respond. "We did this stuff years ago," said Cllr Louche. "Warrington is still enjoying facilities built for (er, *cough*, shortly after) their last terrorist event and Manchester's Exchange Square nu metal skateboarder goth mecca and original letterbox are a legacy of that city's forward thinking in this field. I'd blow up London mi'sel', though if I were asked like."
Posts: 8467
| IP: Logged
We are writing to you, the all killing and bombing crazies of the world, to overlook the speculated targeting of London (which we appreciate requires a large amount of planning) and perhaps consider utilising your destructive skills, for us, the good people of Swindon.
Swindon is a healthy thriving town, but has the population to match a city. There are many benefits to this however, as we'll outline;
Firstly, our lack of library has been crucial in this decision, as it is simply, a mobile shack that was made available to us after the war. Should you not get a direct hit, then think of all the western literature that could be set on fire and rocketed up and out, into the high street towards hapless shoppers! However for maximum effect, stall all bombing plans for two years, because they will have stocked the new Louise Wiener novel by this time. It'll be perfect timing to destroy the delapidated PCs, 5 minutes before they make the internet free to the general public, December 2007.
Ideally, you could aim for the town hall. Perfectly located in the very centre of town, you would ensure that not only do you neutralise the nearest fire and police station for a good 20 mile radius, but you'll blast our 'millenium clock' that despite looking like a piece of fried shit, is actually 20,000 pounds worth of high tech machinery and hard earnt tax money. There is at least three gay public houses in this area too. Holy homosexual hammering (h)Allah!
The new hospital is six million in the making. We haven't even had time to fill the wards with beds yet (although we feel many other hospital wards across the country have this advantage too) and you will feel like middle eastern Tyler Durden, destroying something beautiful. The radius of the blast, if large enough would take out not one, not two, but Three RAF bases in which they carry out top secret military operations.
These are just a few of the many attractive elements to laying waste to this wonderful, enchanting Wiltshire town. You'll probably chip a piece of Newbury of the map too, at a push. For more information please visit us at http://www.swindon.gov.uk/ to view our number of care homes, support groups, leisure centres and many more facilities that may be flung up into the air, like china cups at a chimps tea party.
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: You'll probably chip a piece of Newbury of the map too, at a push.
Might be worth bombing the hell out of the former Greenham Common if you're in the area. West Berkshire Council claim that it's a now a business park - not a military base, but you can't be too careful.
Posts: 14015
| IP: Logged
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: You don't work in Berwick Steet do you Dang?
No, I don't, but I am actually scouting around for a new job at the moment. Do they pay well in Berwick Street? I have at least two ideas for sketches.
Posts: 8467
| IP: Logged
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: That was close. I thought Jonesy would have written a post 10 lollion times better than mine
(i.e. funny)
fwiw New Wave, I thought your post was better than anything Jonesy's done in the past six months. Will the mercurial gag-scribbler pick up the gauntlet you've flung at his size-sevens?
Posts: 8657
| IP: Logged
posted
Inside the former Greenham common sand pit, is a top secret bunker, financed by the organisation Niceday.
Q: Ah Miscellaneous Files! You're here! Did you liase with Random Post-it Notes as requested?
M: I did Q, I have the important files we need. Some of our best agents died for this. Tip-Ex is with us no more and Paper Clip got a nipple cripple that made his eyes water. It's been hell.
Q: Excellent news! Are they as we believed?
M: Exactly as we thought. Look, they were recycled and they definately have alphabetical dividers to seperate the different files. Ingenious!
Q: Enough of that, I want to show you my latest invention. It's a photocopier that sends it's enemys back in time. Its the Paraderox 2000. Agent Physic was trying to fix it yesterday but he got his head caught in the machine.
Printer-friendly view of this topic