posted
But then I guess you kinda guessed that anyway.
Actually, I need specific help - I have to start carrying out our staff reviews. I have a load of 3 month reviews looming on the horizon but I cannot find any information on standard procedures on this.
Have any of you had a review/appraisal recently? What were the topics covered? Questions asked? Does anyone work in HR and have a form or document they could mail me about it?
Sorry to so shamelessly use TMO for my own ends. But hey, at least it's given you something new to read!
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posted
When you move onto the development needs of each person you're reviewing, be sure and insert your tongue as far into your lower lip as possible. Much of what you then say will be incomprehensible, but will be infinitely more palatable to the person listening.
Also: curling your hands back and banging the backs of your wrists together conveys sincerity more effectively than you might think.
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posted
i had an interview the other week. it was held in a cafe and involved smoking cigarettes and chatting for an hour and a half. best interview evah!
quote:Originally posted by Bandy: Also, is it wrong to interview someone purely on the strength of their comedy name?
Only if say, his names Russell and you place a bucket of dried out leaves on the door frame, double over in stitches once he is showered in said leaves, proceed to rock backwards and forwards and slowly pace out your laughter to get up, shake his hand and see him to the door with a 'Thanks kid you've been a great sport, thanks for coming' and pat him on the back as your secretary shows him where the exit is. The only sound he'll hear is your wheezy voice, hoarse from mirth.
quote:Originally posted by vikram: i had an interview the other week. it was held in a cafe and involved smoking cigarettes and chatting for an hour and a half. best interview evah!
didn't get the job though
That's because the interviewer was sat waiting for you in the office.
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Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
posted
Nice Appraisal
Ask them how suited they feel they are to their role. Ask them if they feel they need any training or 'development' stuff. Always assuming you don't work for a tight sphinctered organisation which would sooner starve it's workforce of any modicum of self respect and hang them on a small washing line rather than pay for training. Ask them, kindly, to talk about what they think they've achieved over the past however-long. Let them bullshite you with corporate speak. Pass them all for payrise/small chocolate muffin.
Hideous Appraisal
Devise a series of stinkingly bad questions which any normal human being will perspire with humiliation if answering. Think what do you add to this workforce, what animal do you think you are like, and why, and what does this mean you bring to the company, demonstrate your effectiveness by giving three examples of productivity and team working in the last week. Sit, arms folded, Brent-stylee, and stare at a point three centimetres to the left of either of their nipples. Never speak. Let them chunder into a stumbling vocal void. Refuse to let them see your copy of their appraisal. Send the subsequent three weeks hanging about their desk and asking, with malice, if they thinking they've been trying any harder. Also: try having a dump in the middle of your desk before you invite them in. It adds character to their fear and bewilderment.
Also: if you post an email address I'll send you a blank copy of our appraisal form, which is the standard public sector one and would be a useful crib sheet. Because I'm nice.
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quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: That's because the interviewer was sat waiting for you in the office.
The worst one was for flashy account planner. Two days after all the shit with the dappybitch. Showed up hungover to fuck, late and totally unprepared. They asked me to name three of their competitors. After some err hmmm ing I managed to name just one. Which turned out to be a sister company. Oops. Didn't get the job.
The best was at an organisation I really really really admire and desperately wanted to work for. Didn't get the job - was admin and that ain't me - but they were lovely and advised on my CV and interview technique, what to research before you apply for companies in their sector. They wished me all the best and really meant it.
I think that I am just going to base my reviewer persona on the Staff Liason officer in the "The Green Wing". If nothing else it would scare the crap out of them and make them behave better.
Also, NWoD, I would use those questions - truly - but most of them are either hideously dull and ugly and I wouldn't want their fatmunctious peni anywhere near me [although I suspect that they all have penis of pencilitic qualities] or they are wimmin.
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