posted
A document is unearthed that links you to a vast fortune held in an offshore bank. You suddenly inherit £500,000,000,000. Tax-free, all yours, no strings.
posted
I doubt I would believe it. If I was convinced, then I'd probably try and set up a few Bill Gates style charitable foundations, and then blow the rest on parties and drugs and travel until I was dead.
scrawny
One Mojito, two Gin and Tonics, Three Bacardi Lime Sodas, and a couple of pints of Stella please.
posted
Could that much money actually cancel third world debt? I have no idea how big this debt we're meant to be dropping is. What would be the economic implications of trying to put the world on a level footing?
Not that I would do that. Benway's plan sounds like the only sensible option, a powerful cocktail of altruism and hedonism leading to a smug and premature demise. get in.
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Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
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I'd buy a really, really fucking big nuclear warhead. Or maybe two, if I can't find one big enough. Two nuclear warheads. Really big ones. Then I'd lash them together and detonate the fuckers slap bang in the middle of Salford.
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quote:Originally posted by scrawny: I have no idea how big this debt we're meant to be dropping is.
This could be quite funny actually. Dancing and celebrations as our leaders finally listen to the voice of the people and drop all Third World debt. Next budget:
"Income tax immediately increases to 80% for all citizens. 97% for anyone earning more than £40,000 a year. Eh? Yeah, well we've got to get the money from somewhere. What did you expect?"
quote:Originally posted by scrawny: Could that much money actually cancel third world debt?
Well Richard Branson was quoted the other day of saying that 50 Billion would go a hell of a long way to sorting it all out. So I'd probably offer that up to buy the debt, then wipe it off.
I would buy passports to all the US citizens without them and pack them off around the world on holiday to show them there is a world beyond their back porch, and to maybe consider this before voting in their next war-mongering fucktard of a president.
I'd buy somewhere nice - Leichtenstein perhaps - and move in all my friends and family, have an army of concubines who can fight as well as fuck, and thus have the sexiest Army in the world of which I would be Field Marshall.
And to do something proper for Charity, I would buy West Ham United and do a Romanov on them - get us back to the glory days.
Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
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quote:Originally posted by dang65: I'd consider it an honour. Go on, pull the trigger.
I don't think nuclear warheads have triggers, though, do they? I think they have, um, keypads or remote controls or something. Actually, I'm not really sure what a warhead is, it just sounds good. Is it just another word for bomb or is it a really posh and sophisticated kind of bomb?
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quote:Originally posted by Louche: I don't think nuclear warheads have triggers, though, do they? I think they have, um, keypads or remote controls or something. Actually, I'm not really sure what a warhead is, it just sounds good. Is it just another word for bomb or is it a really posh and sophisticated kind of bomb?
The RED ONE. Just press the fucking RED BUTTON. Jesus Christ!
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Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
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The award winning Lowry Theatre, earlier today:
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Um, any particular gripe with the Lowry theatre Louche?
Not that I know anyone who works there you understand. Well, I do, but.... I'm obviously an arty type as I had difficulty counting the zeros on the original post.
eta: Of course if you got a direct hit on the Lowry, you'd also take out the Imperial War Museum North, which would be sort of ironic given that its exhibitions are totally focussed on the human costs of war. Am I taking this too seriously?
Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
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I haven't actually got an issue with the theatre, despite its car park once ripping me off to the tune of twelve quid just for the fucking privilege of parking my car. In fact, if, in the smoking post-apocalyptic wasteland of Salford, the theatre survived, I wouldn't mind. I just rather feel like blowing things up and Salford was the nearest thing to hand.
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posted
I'd pay to have someone to erase people's memories of me - clean the minds of everyone I've ever met. Then I'd like to meet them all over again and try and get it right this time.
eg. Earlier today I was walking down the street behind my boss, having left a meeting. I accidentally trod on the heel of her shoe and sent her pitching forward to sprawl face first into the tarmac. One month I've been here, and I've already smashed my boss's head into the ground. So yeah. I'd pay someone to erase those kind of memories from the people I happen to.
posted
I'd buy France and turn every restaurant into a Greggs.
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posted
If you detect a note of hostility towards our fair cousins across the water in my posts, it's because they are determined to plague me today.
1. Some French student who's coming for a 6 week internship is emailing me 10 times a day, calling me Mrs Poetess and asking again and again if I have heard if he has a place in Halls confirmed.
2. One of our collaborating French universities has "lost" an 80K euro piece of machinery (how can you lose a massive great jet engine?), thus the project is now a year behind whilst they get a new one configured.
3. In order to assess the above crisis, one of our researchers has to fly out for an emergency meeting. Only because he's Chinese and therefore a criminal, he has to go through all the rigmarole of an emergency visa interview at the embassy, where he has to provide pay slips, bank statements, travel insurance and write out 500 lines in that gay French handwriting they have "I promise to hold my breath and not pollute your air with my vile non-EU presence".
Cuh. What has Salford done that is half so annoying?
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Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
posted
Salford hasn't really done anything. Is just nearby. And it did give us Christopher Eccleston. I could nuke France instead, I suppose. But it's a long way away from here, I might miss. Or maybe could post warheads to someone nearer and they could lob them over the channel. Though they would have to promise to do this and not use warheads for their own nefarious ends. Like nuking Greggs.
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quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: 2. One of our collaborating French universities has "lost" an 80K euro piece of machinery (how can you lose a massive great jet engine?), thus the project is now a year behind whilst they get a new one configured.
Gods bollocks! That's like when they had declared a loss of about 6 tons of British radiactive waste. It's not like 'smelly geoff from contamination and spills' accidentally thought it was lemon Fanta and drank it all. I mean. Where? does? it? go?
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: Gods bollocks! That's like when they had declared a loss of about 6 tons of British radiactive waste. It's not like 'smelly geoff from contamination and spills' accidentally thought it was lemon Fanta and drank it all. I mean. Where? does? it? go?
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