posted
As old conventions fall away, new ones (eg. write that email with the caps lock on and the receiver will think you're psychotic or retarded) take their place. In the olden days, use of the word 'fuck' or '**** ' within earshot of a lady would have got you a smack in the mouth - nowadays, if you neglect to use these fine words people assume you're some sort of weirdo prude who gets secret sexual kicks from having a dog take a dump on his belly.
Anyway. A genuine baffler for you - and one we're all sure to encounter with increasing frequency, so we'd better get a solid 'line to take' on this...
How do you tell a friend or colleague that he or she is overdoing it on the sunbed - with grotesque results - without offending them?
Please, no 'hilarious' joke insults - a child of two could come up with a list of those at the drop of a hat; I'm seriously interested in how people would or wouldn't address raging tanorexia in someone they know, without hurting that person's feelings.
If you too have a real poser of C21st etiquette, please post it up!
posted
My gf's best friend has a moustache, and we can't work out a nice way of saying it. Even her mum has spoken to my gf about how they should approach her about it, as she is quite sensitive about her looks.
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Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
posted
Similar to what MNIJ said, can't you approach it through the health route, couching the whole thing as 'concern', whispering in ghoulish terms about skin cancer victims and the hideous crepe skin of the aged arriving at thirtyfive when you overuse the tanning bed? Or how spray on tans are so much better these days blah blah blah my wife said blah blah.
Personally, I'd leave it and laugh at them behind their back, but I am a craven coward. And a craven coward what's shite at UBB and all.
posted
Perhaps you have a mutual friend or colleague who is the opposite? Perhaps you could bond with your bronzed buddy by bitching about your pasty pal?
YOU: "Ew, doesn't she look terrible? Worse than ever at the moment. If she was any paler you could see right through her!"
KILROY: "I agree"
YOU: "We should start calling her Casper the friendly ghost!"
KILROY: "heh"
YOU: "Or the milky bar kid!"
KILROY: "..."
YOU: "Infact, it's not even funny. It's unpleasant. Look, you can see all the veins in her face. And her arms make me feel sick. It's just horrible. Can you imagine what she looks like naked? Fucking disgusting! She needs to sort that out. We should stage an intervention or something. She needs a fucking tan!"
quote:Originally posted by Roy: My gf's best friend has a moustache, and we can't work out a nice way of saying it. Even her mum has spoken to my gf about how they should approach her about it, as she is quite sensitive about her looks.
Why not stage a sleepover and then get your girlfriend to shave the 'tache off while the best friend is asleep? When best friend gets up the next day, get girlfriend to shower best friend with compliments about how lovely and fresh her face looks, how young / hot / feminine she appears today. She'll soon put two and two together!
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quote:Originally posted by ben: How do you tell a friend or colleague that he or she is overdoing it on the sunbed - with grotesque results - without offending them?[/b]
Please, no 'hilarious' joke insults - a child of two could come up with a list of those at the drop of a hat; I'm seriously interested in how people would or wouldn't address raging tanorexia in someone they know, without hurting that person's feelings.
I don't know why this would be approached any differently to - say - suggesting to someone that they eat too much and are putting on weight. So it's not really a 21st Century problem of etiquette, so much as an age old one in 21st Century clothing.
I don't know what I would do I hate confrontin peolpe, telling them they're doing something wrong or upsetting people in any way, so I'd probably keep my head down. Having said that I once told a female friend of mine she was 'chunky' which is probably the sort of thing you shouldn't say to girls. She lost a lot of weight after that and had to be admitted to hospital.
Now I think about it, I tend to just come out with stuff in sudden moments, like when the rest of my brain is looking the other way, or if there's an awkward lull in conversation and I'm scrabbling around trying to fill it with some - any - noise at all. That's when I'd say it. Awkward silence and then just blurt out "So - don't you reckon you've been overdoing it on the sunbed recently."
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posted
depends on who the person is, innit. If was a good friend I would say "look, I'm a bit worried about you using these sunbeds all the time, you do look nice with a tan, but it's really bad for you to bake yourself like that. Have you tried Johnson's Holiday Skin, lovely fake tan and it doesn't even smell weird" i.e helpful girl response with caring and practical advice. If it were a family member I'd say "stop using sunbeds so much you weirdo, you're going to get cancer and DIE" i.e helpful caring response hidden behind mean-ness. If it were a colleague I probably wouldn't say anything because it's none of my business.
facial hair on a woman, a bit more difficult. I'd probably invent my own moustache and say "I hate it when I can see the hair on my face, I really need to bleach/wax it again... do you get that or is it just me?" in a casual conversational manner and hope they took the hint. I couldn't say anything directly about it though, no matter who it was.
posted
the best time to tell people things is when everybody is drunk. You can say what you like, and never speak about it again. Seriously, that's the way to do it.
I remember bringing up the lady moustache thing on here a couple of years back in a thread called "Sort your fucking face out, love", and being subjected to scathing attacks. It's obviously still a tabboo subject.
posted
But to be fair, "Please, no 'hilarious' joke insults - a child of two could come up with a list of those at the drop of a hat" kind of killed this thread for me.
posted
To be honest, if it's just the case that you think your colleague is looking a little unattractive, then it's probably not your place as a work colleague to say anything. You might think you're being helpful but you might generate some serious bad feeling between you and that person.
If you're genuinely concerned about their health, then I think you should simply approach it from that angle. Just be honest and tell them straight. You'd do the same for someone who had put on a lot of weight, or seemed to have a large tumour growing out of their head. I suppose it's different slightly as presumably this person is using the sunbed because they feel insecure about their looks. Can sunbeds be addictive? I'm sure I read about that somewhere.
But if you're just concerned about how they look then really it's not your place to criticise.
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posted
can I second what modge said. Sound advice there. I remember fondly one time when a girl (this was ten years ago) said "Shouldn't you have had a shave?" to me, fairly friendly like, and probably flattering me in a way by suggesting that the whisps were on my face were somehow beard-like, and because she was a bit dark of upper lip, I just said casually back "ha! ha! shouldn't you!", which was a pretty painful moment.
posted
Some good advice from Modge there. When you say "invent a moustache" do you mean use one of those joke-shop things? Gf's best friend is a bit dense, but I don't think even she would fall for that.
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posted
We had a new special class in our final year at Middle School (age 12-13), as our bodies were changing- snigger. It was called Health Education. I distinctly remember the lesson where we had to roleplay how we would let a friend know that they had BO. Solutions ranged from casually comparing deodorant brands in front of the stinker, to pretending to pass out when the stinker entered the room. I feel really sorry for that teacher now I think about it.
One of the profs here has a serious BO problem. He's quite senior, very much respected as a lecturer and researcher and a nice bloke. But the smell is actually quite overwhelming at times- to the point where I have to open a window when he's been in my office. It's never been mentioned by anyone, so I guess the subject will never be broached with him.
-------------------- What I object to is the colour of some of these wheelie bins and where they are left, in some areas outside all week in the front garden. Posts: 4941
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posted
They could be over-doing the St Tropez - though that gives a more browny glow than orange, a la Gavin Henson. It seems everyone feels they have the right to comment on another person's appearance. And of course they do, the press is full of such self-appointed guardians of conventional beauty. If we're talking about etiquette, maybe keeping schtum would be the way forward.
Course, if you think its a health risk, then perhaps you could leave it to a professional.
You have an absolute right to comment, I'm not sure it's a duty.
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posted
Has anyone here been confronted with an embarassing fact from someone else? A friend of mine two years ago told me I was letting myself go, but then the last time he saw me was when I was 19, so I don't think he had a fair point.
Still, I started jogging and stuff anyway, just in case.
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posted
Yeah, when I was about 19, I worked at this shitty job at the legal aid board. There were lots of other temps, we were all mates. There was this one boy called Roger - bit of a dick, but whatever. I used to struggle into work each day, hungover as fuck, and then, during our 11am teabreak, nip to the toilets to apply some make-up. I'd then exit, looking ravishing as only a 19-year-old wearing a bit of make-up can look, e.g very, though she probably totally hated herself at the time, etc etc. One day Roger took it upon himself to tell me that I 'looked a bit rough in the mornings, before I'd put my make-up on.' I never spoke to him again. Some stuff constitutes fun teasing, and some stuff means you have to be X-d from that point on. His comment fell into the latter category.
PS - as an amusing post-script, I bumped into him on the tube a few years later. He told me he was training to be a policeman, and then somehow, in the course of our conversation, which lasted a very brief three or so stops, we ended up in a mini-debate which culminated in him telling me that women who wore short skirts deserved to be raped! So, nice work there, London Met. Way to ensure the conviction rates for rape stay nice and low, eh. As he got off the tube I gazed at his exiting back and ferverntly prayed never to see the stupid fucker again. Thankfully, my wish has been granted (fingers crossed).
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posted
Also, at a festival, some horrible Liverpudlian crackheads yelled at me that I was a 'Mick Hucknall beanhead', which, though cutting, is not without its truth.
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posted
No, because I rule hard, all the time. I look great, act cool, and keep it so real that I'm existing in four motherfucking dimensions.
Oh no! I remember. More than once, I've been told that I'm intimidating. Why? Because my game is tight like this
eta: that's not really relevant is it? But that's the only thing that anybody has said something that's specific, and goes beyond the usual chorus of name calling.
[ 24.01.2006, 11:27: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
posted
A friend of mine was walking around in the winter, with a shaved head and a furry coat, the sort only a gay can pull off. Some north London toughs shouted 'Oi - Egg in the nest'. Too amusing to be an insult, really.
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quote:Originally posted by London: Also, at a festival, some horrible Liverpudlian crackheads yelled at me that I was a 'Mick Hucknall beanhead', which, though cutting, is not without its truth.
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