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» TMO Talk » The Library » Academics - wise up! (Page 2)

 
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Author Topic: Academics - wise up!
vikram

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people who believe in religion are not retarded.
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Dr. Benway

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I hope that Mr. Dawkins used the word 'retarded'.

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I have shit on you, son

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Black Mask

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quote:
Originally posted by vikram:
kids are cool tho: http://www.iusedtobelieve.com/

when I was little, I loved George Michael's Careless Whisper. I used to believe that the line "guilty feet have got no rhythm" meant that you could find a criminal by making him dance, and if he couldn't dance, he was guilty.

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sweet

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Roy
Mohammed the Gay Ninja
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People who believe in religion sing more than those who do not. FACT.
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Thorn Davis

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Some of those music ones are totally shit.

In the song 'Not Your Bottle' by the Dandy Warhols, when the singer says, "Passing out hits of LSD." I thought he said, "It's my LSD." To my embarrassment when I sang that out loud!

Mmm. Embarrassing.

[ 26.01.2006, 09:58: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]

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Vogon Poetess

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I quite like these, as there's an appealing logic to them:

quote:
used to believe that if you had a big enough magnet, you could reverse the rotation of the Earth and time would go backwards.
quote:
When I was quite young I believed that if you left glass in the sun long enough, that it would turn into diamonds and crystals (depending on the colour of the glass obviously). I had quite a collection of glass sitting on my bedroom windowsill until one day, my mum threw them all out and told me the horrible truth. I believed for years after that, that they had finally 'turned' and she had taken them for herself and every time she 'bought' new diamond earrings or a sapphire necklace I'd look at them suspiciously.
I also like this one:

quote:
My friend told her daughter that the icecream truck only played music when they were out of icecream. Another one told her kids that it was the music truck - driving around, just playing nice music for everyone.
I imagine telling shit like this is about the only fun thing about being a parent.

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What I object to is the colour of some of these wheelie bins and where they are left, in some areas outside all week in the front garden.

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kovacs

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Have they got one on there about... hang on, was it that if you leave lemonade out long enough it turns to cream soda? Or if you leave milk out long enough it turns to cream soda?

I think it was the former that I was told in 1974, and believed for years -- though the lemonade always got tidied up before the hypothesis could be proven.

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member #28

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kovacs

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They also used to say that if you shake milk in a jar for long enough, you get not a milkshake, but cheese.

And if you put seeds on some blotting paper, "mustard and cress" will grow.

Anyway I saw Just Like Heaven, which is good if you like (i) San Francisco and/or (ii) 13 Going on 30.

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member #28

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MiscellaneousFiles

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quote:
When I was young, around 7, my Dad warned me that if I played with my penis it would eventually turn black and fall off. Well, he was a recently-retired nurse, and I had absolutely no reason to disbeleive him - he'd given me tons of information on the human body already. Of course this was completely and totally untrue. However, I beleived it for a long time, and didn't really discover masturbation until I was thirteen, after I managed to convince myself that it was a lie. Actually, in his mind, he wasn't lying to me - I asked my Dad about it and he said he really beleived it, as a kid and still today.

He's 70 years old. For his entire life, ALL SEVENTY YEARS OF IT, he truly and totally beleived that masturbation would cause penises to turn black and fall off. He's probably never masturbated in his life.

The thing is, though, it was probably because he was raised in a family that were very likely prudes. I guess we can't really blame him. Still funny, though!


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Vogon Poetess

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quote:
Originally posted by kovacs:
Have they got one on there about... hang on, was it that if you leave lemonade out long enough it turns to cream soda? Or if you leave milk out long enough it turns to cream soda?

I think it was the former that I was told in 1974, and believed for years -- though the lemonade always got tidied up before the hypothesis could be proven.

I was convinced that if you left a Milky Bar (surely the name was an indication?) out in the sun it would melt into milk. I even sacraficed half a bar in the name of science, until my mum threw the resulting gloop away- despite my protestations that the experiment wasn't finished yet.

Cress seeds just need fibrous paper and water to grow.

What's cream soda?

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What I object to is the colour of some of these wheelie bins and where they are left, in some areas outside all week in the front garden.

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ralph

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quote:
Originally posted by Vogon Poetess:
What's cream soda?

Cream soda.
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kovacs

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Why don't you know what cream soda is? Was it only around in the 1970s, like... Cresta, "It's Frothy, Man", or Kvetchkins?

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member #28

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Roy
Mohammed the Gay Ninja
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Bilco used to bring Cream Soda around on their van.
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MiscellaneousFiles

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quote:
Originally posted by kovacs:
Why don't you know what cream soda is? Was it only around in the 1970s, like... Cresta, "It's Frothy, Man", or Kvetchkins?

Rubbish. I drank Cresta in the '90s. It was the cheapest lemonade in the shop at just 20p for two fizzy litres. For some reason, one of my friends decided that she got high when she drank it so we had a look at the ingredients. On the label, we found a phone number "Any comments or questions? Call us on 0800...". We called and asked if sodium citrate was hallucinogenic. The woman on the other end of the phone said "Er. Not as far as I'm aware."
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MiscellaneousFiles

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Oh my...

quote:
I used to believe that everyone else in the world had an alternative existence as Dragon's and the only time they turned into humans was when I looked at them. They all knew I was the only one that wasn't really a dragon, but no one was allowed to tell me - not even my Mum. To be fair it could be true...

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My Name Is Joe
That's Mister Minge to you..
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When I was very young, 5 or 6, I believed all TV was live, so if it was daytime on TV but nightime outside, they had to be filming in Australia.
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MiscellaneousFiles

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When I was young, I used to believe that black people were faking it. I remember trying to prove it to my dad - "Look dad - the bottom of his hands are white!"

[Frown]

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kovacs

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Cresta was just an example of something else VP might not have heard of. Oi... *chuckles nostalgically* who remembers Space Dust? Oh my word what were them puppets called, used to be on TV... I thought it was only me remembered it, what was it, Bagpuss and the Clangers? Fucking hell if you watch that now, the people who done it were definitely on LSD they were tripping their nuts off! There's one mouse called Charlie who's always sniffing, and a teddy bear called Big Nob!

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member #28

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kovacs

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I genuinely did believe that "guerrillas" were a race of evolved simians, like the ones I'd seen in Tarzan cartoons.

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member #28

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MiscellaneousFiles

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Do you remember Captain Pugwash, Kovacs?
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kovacs

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[Big Grin] Misc! nobody else I know remembers Captain Pugwash! That programme was insane, it was full of dirty jokes you never got at the time... the evil pirate was called Blow-Me Down, and the first mate's name was Peter Phile! NO LIE!

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member #28

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kovacs

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I also genuinely believed that swedes (the foodstuff) were called "Grandma's Golden Vegetable".

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member #28

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MiscellaneousFiles

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quote:
i used to believe that babies were dumb because their heads were only filled with hair. as they grew hair it made more room for things to be learned, and by the time they got to be old people and balding, it was because they had finally pushed all the hair out by totally filling thier heads with things learned.
Now that's inspired.
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H1ppychick
We all prisoners, chickee-baby.
We all locked in.
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Sometimes I heart you, Professor.

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i'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song

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herbs

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Lol @ hair.

I used to think that it was the trees waving that made the wind. Perfectly logical at the time.

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My Name Is Joe
That's Mister Minge to you..
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quote:
Originally posted by kovacs:
I genuinely did believe that "guerrillas" were a race of evolved simians, like the ones I'd seen in Tarzan cartoons.

I'm not sure if it was quite this sophisticated, but I definitely remember thinking that guerillas were apes, fighting to overthrow humans.
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scrawny
One Mojito, two Gin and Tonics, Three Bacardi Lime Sodas, and a couple of pints of Stella please.
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quote:
Originally posted by jonesy999:
"And, and, and, and they have brown chord jackets and things. With leather elbow pads, like what they have and everything like that."

Lol. Kids say the darndest things.

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...because that's the kind of guy you are.

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MiscellaneousFiles

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quote:
My father is an avid republican. When I was in preschool, we'd watch the news together, and whenever a picture of Bill Clinton came up, he'd point and say "That's the wicked wizard of the East. He kidnaps children."

I proceeded to go to my preschool class and warn all my friends about this evil wizard.

quote:
When we were very young, my sister and I wrote letters to President Reagan. My sister asked him to "change the rules" so that we would be allowed to run while we were playing around the swimming pool.
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My cousin told me there was a button in London which only the Queen could press and it would blow up the world. I prayed for a very long time that the queen would not get angry!!
quote:
I used to hear adults using the phrase "sectarian violence" in relation to Northern Ireland and think it had something to do with garden secateurs. I also thought the "Cod War" between Britain and Iceland in the 70s was some sort of battle being fought by the fish themselves.

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kovacs

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I think I should wise up if I can't spell "guerillas". [Embarrassed]

although, LOL! if you type it into Google, look what you get!

quote:
See results for: gorillas
maybe I was right all along -- I was much more clever as a four year-old than I've ever been since.

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member #28

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kovacs

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I also genuinely thought "Blue Suede Shoes" was "Bruce Wayne Shoes", but when I realised my mistake, I genuinely (and successfully) said to my brother, in front of my mum, "remember when you thought the Elvis song was Bruce Wayne Shoes," and because it was so charming and plausible, my mum bought it, thinking my brother's (actually valid & honest) denials were just born of embarrassment.

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member #28

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vikram

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i regularly order vodka with cream soda. it's the nicest!


tonight was shit. but anyway, cream soda is almost as nice as vanilla vodka

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vikram

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and now i'm watching joey. i should just kill myself!
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vikram

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cut myself on the grater. life sucks
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Uber Trick
DANGER!
unexploded sex bomb
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jesus, vikram

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uberwench

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vikram

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i wish jesus would save me. i need saving!
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