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» TMO Talk » The Library » The Pros and Cons of Your Mundane Routine (Page 1)

 
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Author Topic: The Pros and Cons of Your Mundane Routine
jonesy999

"Call me Snake"
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So I've decided to hedge my bets and go for both: my salty, yellow digits have played the lathe and shaved the pipe down to a healthy chisel-sized lump, now I'll attempt to tap off a swell from the TMO New Wave and surf the boards. Forgive the lack of imagination but I'm rusty and unwaxed. Falling off the board rather than catching a tube and all that.

Take a routine occurrence in your current life and give us one thing you like about, one thing you don't.

Pros Fist

Commuting

I've never really done a commute of any distance for any length of time before. London to Brighton is hardly a frequent flyer affair but, hey.

Anyway, some things I like about it, some things I don't.

Pro
Nobody is going from London to Brighton in the morning, well almost nobody; they're all coming the other way. Each morning I stand by the platform and watch a billion bastards barge towards the turnstiles on their way into the capital, their hatred for the fellow human beings stealing valuable space scowl-etched in frown lines onto their foreheads and burning in their bastard eyes. I'm swimming the other way: I get a few barges and the occasional pantomime hiss. Ordinarily, this would bring on some rage but it doesn't bother me at all. They're angry, they're spitting little firelighters, a spark away from igniting the touchpaper of confrontation. That's because when they finally spunk through the turnstiles they're going straight into more of the same, worse in fact - the fucking underground. The stupid bastards. Me, once I wade through the tide of bastards, I bag an entire carriage, all to myself. I can stretch out, I can read, I can write, I can scratch my arse and I do it all in my own private carriage. Is lush.

Con
I never used to believe in regularity. Whenever the likes of Dirk Bogarde asked some old puffin "Are you regular?" I never really understood what he meant. After I worked it out I still thought 'Whaddafuck?' I just couldn't understand what this business was about - one goes when one goes, different times, different days. Regular? What are they on? But in my late twenties I began to flirt with regularity. I was quite excited to know that I would take the newspaper with me for a contemplation at 11:30 every day. It was amazing, you could set your watch by my bum dial. I was amazed. It didn't last long; a diet of drink drugs and unscheduled eating meant my body rarely knew what was going on - so I had bouts of regularity, nothing more. It's become more constant in recent times, as my living has softened.

Anyway, to the point, I need a dump at around 9:30am every day. It's bloody clockwork. And guess where I am at 9:30. Wallowing in the luxury of my empty, air-conditioned carriage, that's where, somewhere around Gatwick. I could go on the train, but face it, no one likes being rattled around in a tin box haphazardly firing pot shots up down and to the left, like stinky Kevin Costner magic bullets. It's just horrible. Add to that the prospect of a robot door which just might have a sense of humour and you realise that, empty train or not, this is a non starter.

So I hold it in. I have a two hundred yard uphill dash, greet my colleagues like an incontinent Carl Lewis and rush straight into the toilet.

There are only about ten of us working in the place. I make that kind of entrance and leave behind, you know.

Where's the mystery? That's what I want to know.

So, yeah, the con of my regularity is shitting on my commute dudes.

[ 23.02.2007, 05:23: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]

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not...
You reached over with your hand and knocked my Jap over
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quote:
Originally posted by jonesy999:
I could go on the train, but face it, no one likes being rattled around in a tin box haphazardly firing off pot shots up down and to the left, like stinky Kevin Costner magic bullets. It's just horrible.

lol
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MiscellaneousFiles

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A wise man once told me never to trust a man who lives in London but works elsewhere. I never really understood why.

I'm not sure if I trust Jonesy. I'm just glad he's here.

[ 23.02.2007, 05:18: Message edited by: MiscellaneousFiles ]

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jonesy999

"Call me Snake"
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quote:
Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
A wise man once told me never to trust a man who lives in London but works elsewhere.

I think I'd agree with that. But I'd say it only applies to a long term arrangement. Mine's just a freelance contract for a few months.

[ 23.02.2007, 05:21: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]

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Cherry In Hove
Channel 39
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I suspect if you are having to go 200 yards uphill from the station this means you must work very close the the excellent restaurant seven dials?
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jonesy999

"Call me Snake"
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Next door, in fact.
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jonesy999

"Call me Snake"
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I haven't eaten there. Is it really excellent? I've done most of the pubs in the area now. And also an excellent pub down in the laney bits called, I thinkk, the Eagle, where they had fantastic, well-priced food and a tiny puppy.
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mart
Wearing nothing but a smile
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Have you ever used their toilet?
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jonesy999

"Call me Snake"
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That would be 201 yards away. A yard too far.

[ 23.02.2007, 05:33: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]

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Cherry In Hove
Channel 39
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Interesting fact for all.

Popular with the ladies forum member Jonesy999 works (according to google maps) 0.7 miles from my flat.

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jonesy999

"Call me Snake"
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Small world. Are you still bald, Silver Ginger? Have you changed much? Would I recognise you?

[ 23.02.2007, 05:36: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]

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jonesy999

"Call me Snake"
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Actually, don't answer that. Let Thorn detail, at length, how Silver Ginger's appearence has changed over the last, say, five years (that is, since I probably last saw a photo of him).

[ 23.02.2007, 05:38: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]

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Cherry In Hove
Channel 39
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To be honest, I've not eaten there either. I used to live up there when it used to be a Burger King so I suspect it's better than that. It gets pretty good reviews from people who have been there so it's probably alright. I was just showing off my incredibly knowledge of the area in a 200 yard radius of Brighton station really.

ETA - that was in reference obviously to your post of like 10.32. Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of working from home and people seem to think they can come and talk to me when I'm trying to post on TMO which is a bit disgraceful really.

[ 23.02.2007, 05:41: Message edited by: SilverGinger5 ]

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Darryn.R
TMO Admin
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I too am new to the daily commute, it’s only 45 minutes door to door and 15 of those are spent standing on a train platform, and 10 walking to the metro so actual train time is only 20 minutes total. But I do enjoy it.

I have my MP3 player on, I sing along when there’s nobody around to whatever new album I’m trying out, today was the pre-release preview copy of Yours Truly, Angry Mob the new Kaiser Chiefs album, which is very good TBH so I arrived in a good mood and have stayed that way for most of the morning..

The girl with the nice legs smiled at me too which always lifts my spirits as she scowls at pretty much everyone else.

What I hate about the commute though is what it’s doing to my skin.. I look ‘ruddy’ and slightly weather beaten, my cheeks have a drunken flush about them and a certain soreness that only wind (or over zealously kissing someone with stubble) brings..

Thankfully I’m happy to shit on the train if I need to.

--------------------

my own brother a god dam shit sucking vampire!!! you wait till mum finds out buddy!


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sam
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The first post I read today contains details about somebody's toilet habits. [Big Grin] That's why i like tmo.

Commuting is another one of those great topics for venting your spleen about the rest of the human race in the same way as discussing other people's spastic grammar is.

One thing I hate about commuting, since that too is my most regular habit apart from dumping, which i doubt very much I could do as much justice to as jonesy, are the smokers. I am like a magnet to smokers. They can clearly see a sign above my head which says: stand next to her and spark up because she might stop breathing and collapse and the excitement'll cheer up your dull, morning commute. I never stand under the canopy, of course, because it sort of hugs the smoke in, ready to wrap around any unsuspecting asthmatic, but how often do the bastards come and stand next to me anyway! The last one I asked, nervously, if he would mind moving away please, was standing next to a very large non-smoking sign too, but he shouted at me anyway. How am I meant to know, he screamed, you don't have a sign above your head! And his girlfriend sniggered at me. Bullying bastard.

The thing I like a lot about commuting is I get to listen to the radio. I started it because it cuts out everybody else's bleeding earphones. I can't listen to music through earphones without getting a headache so I started listening to Five Live in the morning and Radio 4 in the early evening because it is funny, even though it involves me looking like a complete plonker because I often laugh out loud.

Unlike jonesy I don't need a dump whilst I am travelling, but I need food on the way home so I always carry a banana in my bag. I carry it in a bright yellow banana guard and even though I should be used to it by now, it always makes me snigger when I pull out the large yellow, slightly curved, stiff object from my bag ready for my snack.

--------------------
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
In memory of Alastair

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Boy Racer
This man has no twinkie !
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quote:
Originally posted by jonesy999:
I haven't eaten there. Is it really excellent?

Absolutely.

--------------------
Some people stand in the darkness, afraid to step into the light...

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squeegy
'small african childe'
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My drive to work involves a half hour traffic jam every day. Its rubbish. The only positive thing I can find is it gives me the opportunity to cut my fingernails. I tried my toenails once and I wouldn't advise anyone to attempt this.

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supa scrub

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jonesy999

"Call me Snake"
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I can't believe the front some people have to just spark up a banana when you're on a train. Leaving aside its insulting phallic cock-like shape, like a huge dick, there's the strangling stench of putty, marzipan and vomit (these are the key ingredients of a banana, are they not?) filling the carriage and choking non-bananaers like a rancid blanket of monkey guff. Then they leave the skin behind like a naughty burnt octopus. Do you know how many accidents have been caused by second-hand banana skins, Sam? It's a huge worldwide problem. It was once dealt with thoroughly in mass media, films, variety shows, cartoons, the Goodies, the works. But Big Banana and the other major players in the Musa industry mobilized their armies of lawyers and ad men and marketeers in a conspiracy of 9/11 proportions. Result, no one is allowed to talk about it any more, and the fucking bananaers are free to spread their muck throughout our once great transport system.

[ 23.02.2007, 06:40: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]

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mart
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Bloody bananas, they come 'ere to our country, mess everything up...

Send 'em back to the jungle, I say.

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sam
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quote:
Originally posted by jonesy999:
I can't believe the front some people have to just spark up a banana when you're on a train. Leaving aside its insulting phallic cock-like shape, like a huge dick, there's the strangling stench of putty, marzipan and vomit (these are the key ingredients of a banana, are they not?) filling the carriage and choking non-bananaers like a rancid blanket of monkey guff. Then they leave the skin behind like a naughty burnt octopus. Do you know how many accidents have been caused by second-hand banana skins, Sam? It's a huge worldwide problem. It was once dealt with thoroughly in mass media, films, variety shows, cartoons, the Goodies, the works. But Big Banana and the other major players in the Musa industry mobilized their armies of lawyers and ad men and marketeers in a conspiracy of 9/11 proportions. Result, no one is allowed to talk about it any more, and the fucking bananaers are free to spread their muck throughout our once great transport system.

LOL

But it is immensely satisfying wrapping one's lips around the soft, slightly yeilding silkiness that is the inner banana.

--------------------
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
In memory of Alastair

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MiscellaneousFiles

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quote:
Originally posted by squeegy:
I tried my toenails once and I wouldn't advise anyone to attempt this.

Squeegy is steering the car with his feet whilst attempting to trim his toenails. As his car veers into the back of a truck, he makes some sort of exclamation ("ah, holy hell" perhaps). A burly truck driver approaches his car, as squeegy is faced with the task of extracting his tangled legs from the wheel, the nail clippers from his tangled legs, and a shred of dignity from the situation. In the distance, a mob of nosy meerkats stand erect to better enjoy the spectacle.

Poor Squeegy.

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sam
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quote:
Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
quote:
Originally posted by squeegy:
I tried my toenails once and I wouldn't advise anyone to attempt this.

Squeegy is steering the car with his feet whilst attempting to trim his toenails. As his car veers into the back of a truck, he makes some sort of exclamation ("ah, holy hell" perhaps). A burly truck driver approaches his car, as squeegy is faced with the task of extracting his tangled legs from the wheel, the nail clippers from his tangled legs, and a shred of dignity from the situation. In the distance, a mob of nosy meerkats stand erect to better enjoy the spectacle.

Poor Squeegy.

LOL. The meerkats are a master touch.

--------------------
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
In memory of Alastair

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jonesy999

"Call me Snake"
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Good old banana porn. I'm shaved down to an iron thimble now.
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sam
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quote:
Originally posted by jonesy999:
Good old banana porn. I'm shaved down to an iron thimble now.

Happy to oblige Jonesy 'Call me snake' 999. [Wink]

--------------------
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
In memory of Alastair

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H1ppychick
We all prisoners, chickee-baby.
We all locked in.
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I'm a bit bored. Can we have an old-style clusterfuck?

--------------------
i'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song

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sam
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quote:
Originally posted by H1ppychick:
I'm a bit bored. Can we have an old-style clusterfuck?

It sounds interesting. What exactly is an 'old-style' one?

--------------------
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
In memory of Alastair

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MiscellaneousFiles

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quote:
Originally posted by sam:
quote:
Originally posted by H1ppychick:
Can we have an old-style clusterfuck?

It sounds interesting. What exactly is an 'old-style' one?
 -

[ 23.02.2007, 07:18: Message edited by: MiscellaneousFiles ]

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H1ppychick
We all prisoners, chickee-baby.
We all locked in.
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Ooh, Misc, you and your saucy red cross!

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i'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song

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jonesy999

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Dirty bastard.
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sam
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quote:
Originally posted by H1ppychick:
Ooh, Misc, you and your saucy red cross!

Hi hippychick. You're being enigmatic today. What's his saucy red cross?

--------------------
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
In memory of Alastair

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MiscellaneousFiles

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quote:
Originally posted by sam:
quote:
Originally posted by H1ppychick:
Ooh, Misc, you and your saucy red cross!

Hi hippychick. You're being enigmatic today. What's his saucy red cross?
Don't tell her, H1ppy...
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Sidney
Her Glorious Reneging Brumness
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quote:
Originally posted by sam:
quote:
Originally posted by H1ppychick:
Ooh, Misc, you and your saucy red cross!

Hi hippychick. You're being enigmatic today. What's his saucy red cross?
His anus?

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They give you a pen as fat as a modest cock and you're expected to dab it on the page, as though you were mopping the dregs of an afternoon Tommy.

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MiscellaneousFiles

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Jesus...
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jonesy999

"Call me Snake"
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Lol.
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jonesy999

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sorry but, you know, anus.
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