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So: I've just returned from Salisbury. I knew that Manchester was bad, but its badness is multiplied million-fold when compared to a city like Salisbury. I need to live somewhere similar. Soon. I mean - now. For the past three days I have been utterly content and haven't had a stressful thought at all. Now that I'm back home, I feel deflated. The contrast in living conditions/people is mind-blowing. It's only now that I can truly see how much I need to live away from urban society. I was going to write a load of stuff about the babbling brooks and beautiful sights, but I'm too sad at the moment. Stupid Manchester.
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quote:Originally posted by Zygote: So: I've just returned from Salisbury. I knew that Manchester was bad, but its badness is multiplied million-fold when compared to a city like Salisbury. I need to live somewhere similar. Soon. I mean - now. For the past three days I have been utterly content and haven't had a stressful thought at all. Now that I'm back home, I feel deflated. The contrast in living conditions/people is mind-blowing. It's only now that I can truly see how much I need to live away from urban society. I was going to write a load of stuff about the babbling brooks and beautiful sights, but I'm too sad at the moment. Stupid Manchester.
I'm genuinely suprised by this, because I grew up in a place like Salisbury, and went to Salisbury quite often and I never once thought that it would be the kind of place a late-twenties metal head would aspire to live in. Having said that, I've never been to Manchester so I don't know how it stacks up. In my head, Manchester is kind of (exactly, actually) like Bartertown from Mad Max Beyond the Thunderdome, with Louche as Tina Turner.
-------------------- Now that you've called me by name? Posts: 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Zygote: It's only now that I can truly see how much I need to live away from urban society. I was going to write a load of stuff about the babbling brooks and beautiful sights, but I'm too sad at the moment. Stupid Manchester.
You don't need to go as far as Salisbury, pal. Just come to Wilmslow if you want babbling brooks and shit like that. Mind you, you have to avoid the people at all costs, but that's not too difficult really.
At the weekend, for example, we went to the local corn mill which ran continuously from 1589 to 1937, and still runs now from time to time when they switch it on. The landowners round those parts had a manor house there but it burned down in 1779. But they didn't rebuild it in the same place because [this is interesting] the A34 was too noisy. In 1779. They diverted the road, which still follows the new wonky route today, and built a new house much further back.
The people responded to this outrageous wealth brandishing by simply building much noisier vehicles; a tradition which continues to this day.
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quote:Originally posted by sam: Do you think this is why ralph went?
ralph didn't go anywhere. I posted this on the 12th:
quote:Originally posted by ralph: I think I'm the only one here nwod. And I can't have a drink with you for countless reasons. Good luck with the new job next week. I'm on hols, so won't be back until the 16th.
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I backed the winner of the National and took the early price (40-1) rather than SP (33-1). Then I got drunk.
-------------------- What I object to is the colour of some of these wheelie bins and where they are left, in some areas outside all week in the front garden. Posts: 4941
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Halle's back! Yay! Can I get your autograph? Please, please, please. I loved you in that film, that one, you know, and the other one, I've got all your films, and your records, and, er, have you written any books? I've got them too!
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quote:Originally posted by ralph: Doesn't anyone read anything I post?
Hello ralphbear. Welcome back. Can you answer my genuine enquiry here about what constitutes a 'dark thought' when you are not on a medication pill, here
-------------------- Now that you've called me by name? Posts: 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: I'm genuinely suprised by this, because I grew up in a place like Salisbury, and went to Salisbury quite often and I never once thought that it would be the kind of place a late-twenties metal head would aspire to live in.
I've always preferred to spend my time in more 'rural' areas. As a teenager I wrote for a carp fishing magazine (yes, I know...) and, as a result, spent even more of my spare time in picturesque settings around the country. I'm happier away from the hustle and bustle, the smog, the obnoxious twats, the noise, the constant 'rush' - everything that living in a busy city involves. The fact that the house we were staying in had a river running through the garden may have exaggerated my thoughts, but not so much as to completely distort them.
It's really nice to be able to go for a long walk without worrying about some thick cunt wanting to rob your clothes, or gangs of ugly, spotty-faced, Nike-wearing children crowding the streets, or pissheads swaggering around, screaming and shouting. It gets to you after a while, and spending a few days in Salisbury was an immensely therapeutic experience.
When walking through the town centre people would smile at you and say 'hello' - an alien concept to me. If you smiled at a stranger in Manchester, you'd be liable to get stabbed, or worse. Pretty sad really.
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quote:Originally posted by sam: Do you think this is why ralph went?
ralph didn't go anywhere. I posted this on the 12th:
quote:Originally posted by ralph: I think I'm the only one here nwod. And I can't have a drink with you for countless reasons. Good luck with the new job next week. I'm on hols, so won't be back until the 16th.
Doesn't anyone read anything I post?
Hurrah! ralph is back.
Stop taking holidays dude. It's unnerving.
-------------------- A day without laughter is a day wasted. In memory of Alastair Posts: 1936
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quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: Can you answer my genuine enquiry here about what constitutes a 'dark thought' when you are not on a medication pill, here
Thoughts of suicide, thoughts of doing harm to others.
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quote:Originally posted by dang65: You don't need to go as far as Salisbury, pal. Just come to Wilmslow if you want babbling brooks and shit like that.
Yeah, I've been to most places in Cheshire and will eventually retreat there. You still get the problems of being fairly close to gridlife, but in terms of tranquility and peacefulness there are certainly places within Cheshire that will cater for such a requirement. I used to work in Wilmslow and am a member of their British Legion club - woo!
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quote:Originally posted by sam: Hurrah! ralph is back.
Stop taking holidays dude. It's unnerving.
It wasn't really a holday. I had good friday off from work, I took last monday and tuesday off to take down some trees for a garden area we'd like to build, the other three days last week were spent at our corporate training facility learning some 4GL reporting tool.
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quote:Originally posted by Zygote: I used to work in Wilmslow and am a member of their British Legion club - woo!
I'm the PR officer for the BL here in Amsterdam strangely enough. I am seriously considering just going back to a member, as it just seems to be an excuse for old people to argue about banal things.
quote:Originally posted by ralph: Thoughts of suicide, thoughts of doing harm to others.
Surely this is fairly normal? Like, whenever someone on here posts about waiting at a tube station and just stares at the line thinking about either throwing themselves in front of a train, or grabbing the german student next to them by the rucksack and hurling them onto the line, everyone always piles in saying "Oh yeah, I get that too". I mean, it's completely normal isn't it? Like when you see someone getting our of a car, and you want to run up and boot it with your foot to crush them between the car door and the frame of the car. How do you tell the difference between regular, near comical stuff like that, and genuine depression that requires medication?
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I had a nice weekend - after my triumphant trip to Germany, Saturday was spent in the pub watching another abysmal performance of my footie team, and lots of lovely Amstel beer. Yesterday head into town, Sunday Roast, back to the pub where several of my footie mates arrived (including one all the way from Sweden), great conversation, then about 9 headed to a Tapas bar eating al fresco for a couple of hours.
quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: How do you tell the difference between regularly, near comical stuff like that, and genuine depression that requires medication?
Do you think about killing yourself thorn?
I don't know about other people, but I finally concluded that I was seriously depressed after being told by family, friends, and medical professionals for as long as I can remember that I just seem depressed and should seek help. That, and the fact that I don't think there's photographic evidence in existence proving that I've ever smiled without the aid of drugs or alcohol.
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posted
I can kind of understand. When I was suffering, I used to be consumed with vivid fantasies about hurting or killing people that were close to me, to the point that I couldn't really speak to them or look at them, or do anything apart from try and get out the situations as fast as I could. That stuff never fully went away, but I can ignore it now, whereas I couldn't before. Also, I never really seriously thought of actually killing myself, but I'd have the word 'suicide' constantly flying around my head, and I'd link things up to suicide without wanting to. I wasn't really logically thinking about killing myself, but the word, the thought, the idea of doing it completely overwhelmed my consciousness. Still, to answer your question thorn, the difference is when you are crippled by your frightening, violent thoughts to the point where you can't function in social situations on any level, and even when you're alone you can't think properly.
I don't know if this is exactly what ralph's going through, but for me, it wasn't really comparable to idle thoughts, because they would completely overtake me, breed paranoid fear, and cause panic attacks and reclusive impulses. It's like... you're not living in reality any more, and everything is alien and threatening.
[ 16.04.2007, 08:05: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
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posted
I quite often have a kind of passive suicide urge, like when crossing a road thinking that if the car hit me I wouldn't really mind. But I haven't actually got the will to leap out in front of it. I really should put my back into it.
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quote:Originally posted by ralph: Do you think about killing yourself thorn?
Yeah, like every day. But only in the abstract, I guess - like just as a "suppose I did, how would I do it? What would people think? What would it take to drive me to it? What would I do in the hours leading up to it?" etc. Like, say when you're in a meeting and you think "I wonder what people would do if part way through my presentation I just pissed myself? Just let it drain out across my trousers and carried on speaking?" You know - like not something you'd ever consider doing, but just an interesting train of thought to follow through.
I don't mean to sound like I'm interrogating you or anything, I'm just kind of curious about what makes people realise they're clinically depressed, as opposed to just depressed because their life is shit. A few people (strangers off the internet) suggested I went on meds when I was all morose about life (shit job, shit girlfriend), but it seemed to me to be a natural reaction to my life actually being very depressing, rather than somethign that needed medicating. So, you know. I was just curious about what made people think it was them that was getting them down, rather than just life.
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: Still, to answer your question thorn, the difference is when you are crippled by your frightening, violent thoughts to the point where you can't function in social situations on any level, and even when you're alone you can't think properly.
Ok, yeah. That makes sense.
-------------------- Now that you've called me by name? Posts: 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: I don't know if this is exactly what ralph's going through, but for me, it wasn't really comparable to idle thoughts, because they would completely overtake me, breed paranoid fear, and cause panic attacks and reculsive impulses. It's like... you're not living in reality any more, and everything is alien and threatening.
This is exactly how I've felt my entire life. When my depression and anxiety is at it's worst, I completely withdrawl from everyone. My profession was chosen on the basis that I'd have almost no close interaction with other humans on a regular basis.
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posted
If everyone else is doing what I'm doing, they're being very busy, what with it being Monday, and everyone else in their office is being busy, hence not daring to open TMO.
-------------------- Black Mask: Have a good weekend, TMO!
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I'm sort of busy, but I finished my urgent task this morning and now I'm coasting, looking at last.fm, looking at youtube, checking email, drinking coke zero, emailing a chick in taiwan. Plenty to do like, but nothing really pressing.
[ 16.04.2007, 10:25: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
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I'm mainly catching up with homework, cuz it's back to school tomorrow. Today's an "inset day" whatever that means. All I know is I get another day off. Gonna be tough to be back behind a desk... and, ugh, GCSEs soon!