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There's nothing more to say? Nothing more to discuss? Right, anyone seen Big Nuts today? Class? ANYONE SEEN BIG NUTS TODAY?
what? why are you laughing,... oh I get it, Michelles seen big nuts today has she.. hahah laugh out loud etc.. Michelle's a dirty slut we all know it, so JIMMY Big Nuts is absent is he? ok, I'll put a cross on the register.
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Who drew a penis on the blackboard? Not blackboard is it? That's not politically correct now is it? OK OK calm down class. So who drew a PENIS on the Colouredboard? Come on own up, Darryn this looks like one of yours, anything to say sunshine?
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Like Jean Claude Van Damme touching himself, or a faceless man in photo's stealing people - too many people meeting Black Mask screws with time - all those people are trapped in a pub, vomitting on each others shoes while BM laughes like Ken Dodd, a feather duster spinning wildly, vomit, feathers, vomit and feathers... around and around and around...
-------------------- If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down Posts: 2739
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*staggers out of hospital and onto weirdly deserted, rubbish-strewn streets of London*
*lurches against news kiosk - snatches up a paper from the disordered heap - reads - faint glimmer of realisation kindles then fades in bloodshot, sunken eyes*
*a single tear forms, hangs supended for a moment, then spalshes onto pavement*
*drags self across Westminster bridge, while an old crow watches from a lamp post*
*stumbles through Soho - all the pubs and bars have names like 'The Terminal Zone' and 'Event Horizon' and 'Ground Zero'*
*cries out as crosses an invisible threshold of unbearable psychic evil*
*arrives at the Cask & Glass*
*bleep-bleep - receives a txt*
> HARD LINES, ****, YOU MISSED US. I CAN ONLY EVER REVEAL MYSELF TO A FORUM ONCE. YOU KNOW WHY? LOOK AROUND YOU LOL BITCH.Posts: 8657
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quote:Originally posted by ralph: beats the crap out of misc after scool
Right, I'm getting home schooled from now on.
Ooh... I'd avoid that, if possible. You'll just end up with your neurotic parents guilt-tripping you about 'sacrifices' when you grow up, when it was their decision to ruin your life in the first place.
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: Ooh... I'd avoid that, if possible. You'll just end up with your neurotic parents guilt-tripping you about 'sacrifices' when you grow up, when it was their decision to ruin your life in the first place.
lol. I had no idea you were so well educated on the subject of homeschooling.
I'm sure your parents still loved you Black Mask, even if they chose to give you less than an ideal education.
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I've been working too. I'm on the train now using wi-fi and shit. I coughed up five pouns for this connection, in the hope that catching up with TMO would keep me busy for an hour train journey. I think I've read all the new posts already. I guess you get out what you've put in, and I've put in lurker level nothing over the last few weeks, so fuck me.
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Quiet train carriage, nothing to report really. There's a woman a few seats down with a face like a lippoed hippo and a fringe that looks like it's been cut by Muhammad Ali whilst the great man attempted to break a personal best in the log roll event. She's reading a Hello style magazine with that familiar red box title thing. It seems to say 'Top Santa', but I can't see properly. Top Santa sounds like one of the special journals featured in the last round of Have I Got News For You. I don't know who the top Santa is in this publication. I'm guessing Tim Allen beats Richard Attenborough in the final after a hard fought semi with Billy Bob Thornton. The cover has fallen open and I can see the words "Over 40" and the back cover features two cherubic children in matching powder blue cable knitwear. From that back picture, it looks like the kind of magazine an old woman at the bus stop might be reading in Life on Mars, just before Gene Hunt pulls up in a Ford Bastard, kicks a man to death and says, "You're safe from this dirty nonce now darlin', give us a sherbet lemon" before reaching into her handbag and swiping from her quarter of sweets. It's the summer special of Top Santa. I've just spotted that bit. I'm figuring Top Santa is a magazine that makes you travel through time or something: the knitwear seventies angels on the back is a dead giveaway and the reader's fringe has been done pre Iron Age, with a flint or a crudely sharpened raptor spine or a hairy man's green teeth. I can't see the guy who she's opposite properly but he's got a monk's head and a Del Boy I.D. bracelet. My money is on them both getting off at Croydon. Or she might alight in 1962, using her Top Santa powers. That's all for now, if Captain Jack Harkness arrives to take the Top Santa magazine back to Cardiff to lock it in a vault for the good of the planet ("because hey, you guys just aren't ready") and then fucks everyone on the train with his immortal space cock, while grinning like a chimp and screaming "Yeah! Yeah you dirty Josephs, you are hot hot hot!" I'll report back.
****
MESSAGE WAS SENT BY A WIFI CONNECTED LAPTOP. WHICH IS BASICALLY A BIG BLACKBERRY. PIE SIZED SUPER FRUIT 2.0>>>>>>>>>>>>
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Man, Top Santa has just fallen open on a page titled 'The secret to pretty feet'. And she's... ripped it out and put it in her handbag.
And another one - 'Make you feet sweet.' She's put that one in her bag too.
Man, I don't think this time travelling fringe beast should be allowed to carry the secret of pretty feet in her epoch-hopping handbag. Who knows what damage she could do to the space time continuum with sexy feet, a de-juiced water horse face and hair like Stig of the dump touring with Hawkwind.
Fuck John Simm. She da Mistress. TIME TUNNEL TITLES: WOO OOO MUSIC.
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: I looked at your site the other day. Alright, When?
Actually, yes, I am. Thanks for asking.
I got back from Northern China last week. Now there's an "interesting" place.
I discovered that over here in Blighty we are used to Southern Chinese food: The Northern Chinese diet seems to consist entirely of fat, noodles, fat, rice, fat, tofu cooked in meat juices to render it useless to vegetarians, fat, cigarettes and fat.
Very odd.
I discovered lots of other things, too. I might write a travelogue. Watch out Paul Merton.
[ 12.06.2007, 11:29: Message edited by: Doctor Agamemnon When ]
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I realised a few months ago that I never got my BCG injection, so I'm at risk from tuberculosis. Little snippet of information for anyone looking for an untraceable way to do me in. There must be quite a few of you now.
-------------------- Now that you've called me by name? Posts: 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Doctor Agamemnon When: There were good bits, too.
the "crispy duck" in your "set menu".
You know what, I went to Chinatown recently, pissed, and went to what I thought looked like a proper restaurant. It wasn't on Gerrard Street, it was just off it, had a fucking bridge going over a pond in the front which said to me said it was a different class of place. Anyway, got in, and because we were pissed, we just ordered a twenty quid set menu, and it was fucking terrible. One of the worst I've had, you know, and with food on top between the two of us with beer it was like £80. I mean this was worth about £15 quid tops, this food. I was so angry that when they asked me if I enjoyed the meal I just kind of looked down and said "'s'alright..." in the manner of a kid who's just been awarded the job of washing up after sunday dinner, scrubbing the grills from the oven and all that. Then she did this really loud laugh, as if I'd just fallen for a practical joke in front of her, which I suppose I had. I tried to back up my statement and make myself look a bit less of a sucker by then going "well...you know...typical chinatown...", but really, that made me look worse. Then my friend came back and we left.
What is it about Gerrard street? You know you're going to get some sloppy tasteless shit, but all the bright lights and orangey things in the windows are always too tempting after a beer or two. I think it's that I was brought up to believe that china town was the very pinnacle of dining out. My Dad still goes there and only there whenever he's in London.
[ 12.06.2007, 12:05: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
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At least some of the bizarre things we were served "out there" were cheap.
Cheapest beer we found: 10p / half litre Cheapest food: 'Choppy choppy' kebabs at 6p each (think 4" round thick pitta bread with chopped meat and chillies stuffed in it. They are very nice.)
Some of the more bizarre highlights (excluding the great lumps of fat on almost all meat dishes) were:
Duck Tongue: Actually quite nice - not as "ducky" as I would have thought, but nice.
Chicken Hearts: Recommended - all muscle, you see - probably the tastiest bit of chicken I've ever had.
Korean Sushi: The Chinese officially hate the Japanese, so their influences come via Korea. Korean sushi is very similar to Japanese sushi, but they seem to use things like sausage instead.