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For those of you who don't know, my ex-grillfiend works in the marketing department of a computer games developer. Rather than waste their time coming up with original, playable titles that seek to explore the myriad possibilities in this developing art form, what they do - mainly - is buy utterly spurious licences, and hammer a shooting game onto a film that has done nothing to deserve having its dignity raped in such appalling fashion. Recently they announced a Reservoir Dogs game, describe in her words as "a third person shooter with the Reservoir Dogs brand". Shame: I was looking forward to a level where you have to make up a story about a shit encrusted toilet, or try to avoid paying the tip on your breakfast.
So anyway: Other utterly incongruous imaginary film tie-ins please. How about a 21 Grams computer game? It could be a driving game where you have to run over pedestrians - 100 points if you get the whole family. Maybe a Schindler's List game with a lengthy sniper rifle interlude.
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Requiem For A Dream 2d platformer, where you control one of four zany characters as they travel through their own hallucinogenic nightmare. Make sure you keep collecting narcotics to stay alive! Features an ass to ass mini game, in the same spirit as Daley Tompson's decathalon.
*Realistic 'backstreet' atmosphere *100% 1950s medical accuracy *Virtual Imelda Staunton sprite with SIX different costumes/aprons *'Nice cup of tea, my love' power-up *Multiple BAFTA option
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The Breakfast Club - Sim Try to spend an entire day in detention.
Choose from five characters and achieve points by smoking pot, screaming until windows shatter and crashing through ceilings without finishing the punchline. Unlock Wang Chung songs by outcooling your opponents. Build up your angst meter and when it peaks you can score extra points by yelling 'FUCK YOU' when the headteacher is in the vicinity. A free moving camera allows you to pan in on Molly Ringworms cotton pantie clad snatch, for the original Basic Instinct clunge-cam effect.
1. Having ordered the game through an anonymous online form, a package appears on your doorstep. It contains a CD-ROM. You put this into your computer and are unnerved to discover a 3-D simulation of the outside of your house. Using keyboard controls, you can pace round the exterior of the house and attempt to peer through the windows. Through the darkened glass you can see a couple of shadowy forms - youself and your partner? - but you can go no further. Disgusted at this so-called 'game' you toss the CD in the bin.
2. A few days later you receive another package. This time, when you load up the CD-ROM you find you are able to pilot through the front door and into the hallway. You are amazed by the amount of detail reproduced (wallpaper, pictures, carpet) and wonder how this level of realism could have been achieved without someone having actually having come to your house and explored for themselves. After navigating round the downstairs rooms, you ascend the staircase. Hesitantly, you approach your own room and as you 'enter', notice that the curtains are drawn and the room in semi-darkness. Using the arrow keys, shift and space you make your way to the bed, where you look down at detailed virtual renderings of yourself (fast asleep) and your partner (sleeping only fitfully, rolling over, seeming about to wake and look up at the presence standing over h-) -the screen goes blank.
3. Shaken by this strange, almost subliminal, intrusion into your home you contact the police. They are sympathetic but ultimately powerless.
4. You receive a final CD-ROM. This time it takes a while longer than the others to load. Your partner, freaked out by the previous two arrivals, insists on sitting with you as you 'play'. As the loading screens give way to the game proper you are relieved to find the game opening at a party - a highly exclusive party, by the looks of it: the graphics are nothing special, but the use of sound to create the hubbub of a lively evening do is quite uncanny. The crowd parts and a strange-looking, white-faced man fills your POV.
"Hello."
You type in a greeting.
"We've met before."
You type in an expression of doubt.
"Don't you remember? It was at your house."
...
"In fact, I'm there right now."
You tell him that's crazy.
There is a noise upstairs. Your mobile (on the arm of the sofa) chirrups into life. Your partner reaches over and passes it to you. Pressing the green button, you realise the call is incoming from your home landline...
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Ferris Beulers Day Off, Avoiding the parents, teachers and police, you could have suspicometer cos dad never beleives you. You have to do training to be able to jump stealthily over your neigbours garden fences, and you need to feed the rotweiler regularly or he will give the game away by eating you. If you manage to find the drugs when robbing the chemist you can spike the dog food to make him more tractable and as the dog builds a dependance on the drugs he becomes yours to command. You would have little puzzles like wiring the answerphone to give the fake message after the doorbell has rung. You have to chase the valets around town to get your mates dads car back with as little damage as possible. The possibilities are endless when you dont follow the story line as hardly any game based on film actually does.
Are there any jobs going? I always wanted to tell people how to make computer games cos thay always miss shit out. Sorry just read Exgf your not still in contact are you?
Primitive A.I. bot based on ALICE simulates Ethan Hawke's drunkface and asks the player a series of circular questions eventually getting you to admit that yes, you'd rape Uma Thurman given half a chance.
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