posted
I just got this from the lovely 'Sun' and as I was thinking of becoming a woman I wondered if you would care to share some more golden rules of dating .... In Something About Mary men were encouraged to knock one off before dating - is this true of the ladies?
1. BE YOURSELF Don't be influenced by poor role models, such as Bridget Jones. She just seems full of insecurity and comes across as pretty pathetic.
Be strong, but that doesn't mean be bolshy - and embrace your femininity.
Equally, don't be tempted to see men as either bastards or knights in shining armour - fairytales should be left in the nursery. Most men are somewhere in between.
2. DON’T ASSUME HE’S ONLY INTERESTED IN SEX Sometimes this will be true, sometimes it won't.
Often it will depend on how you act and come across, but on many occasions the full-on raunchy act will frighten him off. Take your time until you have a better idea of knowing.
3. TRY NOT TO BE NEEDY & INSECURE To us guys, so many girls come across as intense very early. Don't start calling it a relationship before it is a relationship e.g. on the second date.
4. DON’T BANG ON ABOUT YOUR JOB As a general rule, don’t go into the details of your job, particularly on the first date - it's boring! Unless you're a secret spy running black ops in South East Asia and speak 12 languages.
I'm rarely interested in what my male friends are doing, I don't talk with them about it when I'm out relaxing and I certainly don't want to on a date.
5. LIGHTEN UP Take it easy, let it happen at its own pace. Dating is meant to be fun, not a punishment, so make sure you enjoy the dating process.
You need to get to know someone, that's why you're doing this. Don't try to go from 1st to 4th base in one night, trust me - he won't respect you for it.
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posted
The Sun, giving advice on how to be a lady? The first thing is says, be yourself, but then tells you not to be like Bridget Jones, what if that's your way?? Also, is it my imagination, but have the Sun recently introduced a Muslim Lady column, to show that they are, you know, in touch with the Islamic women of the world or something?
Anyway, so's not to rot too much,
Women - don't refer to men, under any circumstances, as 'catches' - it makes them nervous.
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quote:2. DON’T ASSUME HE’S ONLY INTERESTED IN SEX Sometimes this will be true, sometimes it won't.
Often it will depend on how you act and come across, but on many occasions the full-on raunchy act will frighten him off. Take your time until you have a better idea of knowing.
This is just a polite way of saying 'Don't act like a slag'
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posted
BE YOURSELF We liked Zellweger when the she laid on that dyke club for the Cruisester and paid his mortgage so he could jack in the office to watch sport. But, she's gone off the boil a bit these days.
quote:Originally posted by Vanilla Online Persona: 4. DON’T BANG ON ABOUT YOUR JOB As a general rule, don’t go into the details of your job, particularly on the first date - it's boring! Unless you're a secret spy running black ops in South East Asia and speak 12 languages.
Now I think about it, a lot of my mates do talk about their jobs all the time. Before me and two friends went speed dating last year, a friend of a friend suggested that a good question during your allotted timeslot would be to ask what they did during a typical day at work. I stared confusedly at her and asked why the fuck I would want to know that. She said it was so you could see if they really did do the job they said they did. She wasn't being funny- she genuinely had been speed dating and had grilled potential dates on their job duties.
The other day Thorn came up with a suggestion to help end my shag drought. It was well-meant, but totally shit. He said I should get a free makeover at one of those awful make up counters in department stores because "wearing make up signals that you're up for it." I maintain that this is a shit suggestion because it does not address the underlying cause of the drought (lack of available men) and displays a lack of understanding of the concept of make up. Do you agree, Forum?
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quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: because "wearing make up signals that you're up for it."
lol! Did I actually say that? I... I'm sorry forum.
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Astromariner
Going the right way for a smacked bottom
posted
DON’T SPEAK As a rule, try not to say very much. Don’t bother him with tittle-tattle about clothes, make up, or what you get up to with the girls on your nights out. If he asks you any questions, try to keep your answers as brief as possible. After a while, the constant high-pitched yakking noise that women make when they talk gets on a bloke’s nerves a bit.
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Don't let the man trouble his wallet, take the iniative and get each round in. Ask him if he has enough fags. And show him you are not a lazy bint by going to the bar each and every time.
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So, what you're saying Astro is that when I become a lady I should know my place and not use hitherto successful gambits such as 'it won't suck itself you know'
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Don't let the man trouble his wallet, take the iniative and get each round in. Ask him if he has enough fags. And show him you are not a lazy bint by going to the bar each and every time.
You know, I have never worked out why feminism has never gone as far as to encourage birds to get their rounds in. Tight fuckers.
Astromariner
Going the right way for a smacked bottom
posted
quote:Originally posted by Vanilla Online Persona: So, what you're saying Astro is that when I become a lady I should know my place and not use hitherto successful gambits such as 'it won't suck itself you know'
Absolutely! Also:
DON'T GET DRUNK There's nothing worse than a drunk bird. Tipsy is fine - a couple of bacardi breezers never hurt anyone, and will probably make you more likely to put out later if need be.
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posted
I knew a lady who refused to shave her legs on the first two dates just to make sure she wouldn't spread 'em. Is this a common lady dating ploy?
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How does it work? Is it so the woman doesn't want to because she'll have to show her legs au naturel which would be embarrasing, or is it so when she does spread em, the bloke is so horrified that there's no chance he'll do it. Either way, it suggests that women have got no control over ther sexuality, and have to give either themselves or their potential partners negative incentives to prevent fucking.
posted
I have no fucking clue how that works Ben Wei, took me a few dates to get in there and I barely noticed her legs at all.
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There was something one handbag a couple of years back that really annoyed me - it was about keeping safe at Christmas time and stuff. Moving beyond the low-level annoyance I always feel at the way the onus is always placed on women to keep themselves safe rather than attempting to teach men not to be complete c**ts, one of their points was "When people are buying your drinks, make sure they don'y sneakily make it a double to get you drunk". THat really fucked me off, but I'm not sure why. It was like it was a given that men would be getting the drinks in, and that some men would attempt to subvert women's entitlement to free booze. I think maybe the advice should have been "If you're worried about it - buy your own fucking drinks".
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quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: How does it work? Is it so the woman doesn't want to because she'll have to show her legs au naturel which would be embarrasing.
I'm pretty certain that's the theory, though I'm fairly sure I've had a few experiences of unshaven legwork early on. Maybe I'm so hot I defeat the not shaving ploy, or more likely I just go for lazy feminist types.
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quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: I don't want to come over all We are the World here but there are plenty of girls who get rounds in and plenty of guys who don't.
What I'm trying to say is, there are good people and bad people wherever you go, whatever their sex.
I've got a friend who is very tight. The kind who orders steak when going dutch, but salad if you're paying your own bill.
One of his favourite tricks whenever going on a big meet up, is to get the first round in, when the numbers are low, and feed of the new arrivals new rounds, disappearing before it's his turn again.
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quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: "When people are buying your drinks, make sure they don't sneakily make it a double to get you drunk".
Presumably the advice to men would be, "When people are buying your drinks, make sure they don't sneakily buy watered-down Carling instead of real man's Stella."
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posted
Unless she happens to be a Yeti, I dont really find body hair repulsive. Pubes stuck in the back of the throat are a pain in the arse, but just think of the pleasure pain thing, she owes you one!
Astromariner
Going the right way for a smacked bottom
posted
quote:Originally posted by Tom Boy: Be honest Guys, would a model fit bird with unshaven legs really put you off so much as to not give her one? Really? Maybe I'm just grimey...
lol! Yeah. What about slightly ropey birds though - they should really make an effort with general presentation if they expect to be given one.
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posted
Unshaven legs wouldn't stop a bloke, lets face it, most blokes wouldn't care if the shagee was only part-human. In fact, the only reason men even register what a girl looks like during sex is so they can bugger off home sharpish and have a wank about it. The filthy fuckers.
Also, though I'm feeling Thorn's pain I can't help feeling we're drifting away from the point. Should I decide to become a lady, how can I make sure some bastard isn't just trying to have his evil way with me?
Also also, how do I let a chap know that my lady parts need munching on - you know, like subtley?
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quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: Good to see you Tom Boy!
Good to be here again man, its been far too long that I have actually been busy at work, but hey earned over £800 in commission alone the last 2 months, so going to south africa with my girley at the end of the month to celebrate, will be on the beach in blazing sunshine for my birthday on the 7th December, Whoop!
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