not...
You reached over with your hand and knocked my Jap over
posted
You know what. Thinking about this a bit more.
1. Mrs Dang, in an attempt to break her happy go lucky hubby, Mr Dang, forces him to buy house that is beyond his means She rubs hands together in sinister beadle-like manner.
2. Mr Dang panics but to his wife's dismay manages to get a new job and continues to support his many childes He is relocated out of the country!
3. Realising that she needs to push him further, she instructs and engineers a scheme to rid Mr Dang of his beloved Landrover.
4. The ever compliant Mr Dang sighs and agrees to said scheme.
5. Mrs Dang then initiates further irritiation by ordering the rental of a new car - something practical she says, has to be new registration she says, has to be leased she says.
6. Mr Dang still does not break, sells Land Rover to evil neighbour looks on internet for best lease deals.
7. Mrs Dang loses it. Decides upon divorce. The date - their 20th Anninversary! Should get a reaction out of him this time!
8. Mr Dang puts it down to a mid-life crisis and starts looking at the interweb for ideas.
....
9. Mrs Dang sells children to slave trader. Puts house on ebay for 99p buy it now. hangs puppy on the handlebars of Mr Dangs mountain bike. Has sex with every man and woman in the neigbourhood. Videos it too. Distributes it on ebanned.
Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
posted
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: Couldn't you pretend for the sake of the thread that the forum is the last in the list of your friends that you need to discuss it with?
I dunno, is the forum going to adopt an expression of unalloyed horror and mutter things like you are capitulating to the patriachy, you sell out bitch?Posts: 5776
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posted
louche is a fucking pussy louche is gay louche is losing her edge louche lost her edge years ago at the laundrette where she was washing her husband's pants by hand in issey miyake shower gelee
PS - You can't wash things by hand at the laundrette, can you? Shows how much I know.
Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
posted
I changed my name when I got married because shock horror I quite liked my husband's name. I also felt like a bit of a change. I mean, I'd been Louch One Thing all my life and I quite fancied being Louche Another Thing. Thatisall.
The level of opprobium and lack of understanding I have encountered over this has been totally surprising to me. I've had my feminist credentials questioned. I've had people look at me like they're reassessing me. It's totally bizarre. OJ even posted on here about 'the shiver of cold fear' that went through her when, after she got an email from me in my new married name, she realised she could never ever face changing her name.
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Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
If so, shouldn't your response be to email her back and mention the quake of ring-scrunching embarrassment that went through the entire forum when she flounced off the boards because of something in her imagination?
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Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
posted
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: Are you mates with OJ then?
Just a bit. She was my witness when I got married.
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quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: Sorry, I want to understand but my little brain won't let me.
Me neither, to be honest. I just know that it's been really bugging her recently that she's got to 40 and suddenly realised that she's "had no life". Having several jobs, a rented bedsit behind Brixton Prison, our first little 1-bed flat in Wandsworth, our first kid, our ex-council house, two more kids, move to the Isle of Man, move to Cheshire, another kid, a proper big house at last... and all that crisis and adventure along the way.
It's certainly no less a life than the schoolfriends she keeps in touch with, or anyone else we know really. It's just a life innit. It's what you do.
But. She's a bit of a rebel underneath it all see. We got married at 21 y'know. Not because we were straight and religious but because we wanted to stick two fingers up at everyone that thought we were too young.
She's also a restless sort, never satisfied with her lot. Basically, she would be just as pissed off if she'd become a high-powered lawyer in New York with no husband and no kids.
So, the latest thing is to get divorced. I just wanted to know if it's viable, and to know exactly what sort of freedom individuals have in these cases.
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posted
What's the problem with changing your name when you get married? Do school children get picked on these days, if their parents have matching surnames?
Christ, I am so old and out of touch with moderne wayes.
posted
Didn't mean to be rude, Louche, I can't imagine you out of all people would have taken that decision lightly.
I just dislike the assumption that every girl automatically wants to change their name, and the expectation from bloke and bloke's family that it's some kind of honour (makes it sound like I have personal experience of this, I'm mainly talking as a shamefully addicted lurker of the strange-yet-fascinating world of Handbag Weddings). And also the way it's described as "sharing" when it's clearly an unequal amount of sacrafice and effort. I'm not a particularly virulent feminist or anything, but I find it surprising that it's still so common.
-------------------- What I object to is the colour of some of these wheelie bins and where they are left, in some areas outside all week in the front garden. Posts: 4941
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quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: Didn't mean to be rude, Louche, I can't imagine you out of all people would have taken that decision lightly.
I just dislike the assumption that every girl automatically wants to change their name, and the expectation from bloke and bloke's family that it's some kind of honour (makes it sound like I have personal experience of this, I'm mainly talking as a shamefully addicted lurker of the strange-yet-fascinating world of Handbag Weddings). And also the way it's described as "sharing" when it's clearly an unequal amount of sacrafice and effort. I'm not a particularly virulent feminist or anything, but I find it surprising that it's still so common.
Who makes that assumption anyway? And who in the name of christ would get a shiver of disgust or whatever it was when their mate changed their name. I mean - it's hardly a big fucking deal. Chnage your name; don't change it. Like, whatever. I'd change my name to my girlfriend's name if we got married, if it was an option. I'm not particularly attached to my surname or my first name, for that matter. Bland and stupid. I wish I was called Thorn Davis.
So anyway, why do girls seem so resistant to the idea of other women changing their names. Why care? Why do you really think your name is bound up in your identity? Is it a feminist thing? Isn't it a bit of hollow argument to keep 'your' surname on feminist grounds, when that name would have been handed down from your father's side of the family, and his father, and his father anyway? What are you protecting? Just another symbol of the patriachal society anyway. Unless you're going out there and changing your name to X, what difference does it make?
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quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: Would I be right in thinking that this is one of those things that's going to happen whether you like it or not?
Oh yeah. Almost certainly. I'm just trying to get a few facts together first.
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quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: Isn't it a bit of hollow argument to keep 'your' surname on feminist grounds, when that name would have been handed down from your father's side of the family, and his father, and his father anyway? What are you protecting? Just another symbol of the patriachal society anyway.
I agree that in theory it's pretty moot, when the name you're holding on to is your father's name, yes. On the other hand I'd question the assertion that names have nothing to do with identity. Naming things, turning objects into language: this is how we make sense of the world, how we communicate that world to others.
My friends and I were discussing the other night what we'd all wanted to change our names to when we were 15 - it turned out we'd all at some point announced to our families that we wanted to be called by a name other than that which our families had seen fit to donate to us. (Mine was Roxanne. Me so classy.) You know - 15, identity crisis, rebellion, attempts at self-redefinition - and we each chose the renaming of the self to attempt this.
Surely we can't be the only ones to have done this? Can you honestly claim that names aren't bound up with identity? If I run into a room and call you 'Jane', because I feel you seem like a Jane, will you respond? No, you'll respond to 'Ian'. By the time a woman comes to be married, she'll have lived a whole life under her particular name - her particular identity. By that point the surname will be more than just 'her father's name', surely... it will have become incorporated into her sense of self.
Abandoning that identity - in formal, legal, language terms at least - has shades of days when the married woman left to live with her husband's family; when she had no identity beyond his (no longer Miss Ruth Lucas, just Mrs James Payne, a female adjunct to his independent life); when she had no right to own property; when she had no right to a divorce; when she had no right to refuse sex and there was no such thing as rape in marriage; when, essentially, her body was no longer her own, but his. When she had no right to an education or a vote. When she was invisible in legal terms.
Perhaps women these days 'have a problem' with women changing their name on marriage because it seems like a slap in the face to everything that women's liberation has managed to achieve. It just seems a bit...ungrateful somehow.
And I'm not having a go at you personally Louche as I'm sure you know. And from your weary tone you've probably heard the above arguments a hundred million times, so if you can't be assed to respond, I understand. But there's just something really grim to me about taking the man's name. It just seems so incredibly submissive.
posted
But you don't have to take your man's name any more. You can choose to. Or not to. It's the fact that the choice exists and that it is a choice that is important, not what choice is made.
posted
Hello Niffer. Did I see cross your path at Reading station last night? If not, you either have a twin, a clone or a frighteningly realistic stunt double.
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quote:Originally posted by London: [QUOTE]Perhaps women these days 'have a problem' with women changing their name on marriage because it seems like a slap in the face to everything that women's liberation has managed to achieve. It just seems a bit...ungrateful somehow.
It seems a bit like you're missing the point to me. What would be the purpose in hundreds of people fighting to liberate you, if you're just going to end up feeling bound by their rules instead. Not changing your name, because you feel you somehow owe it to history's feminists is just as much an act of submission as changing your name because you're deferring to your husband's supremacy. So it's by malinging people who choose to change their name that you're actually eroding the legacy of the people who fought for women to be free. You're just turning on other women and trying to force them to do what *you* think is best, what you want, while the whole point of feminism - surely - was to emancipate women from doing what men thought was best.
It's hardly a slap in the face to everything feminism has helped to achieve - it's an embracing of it - because you now have a choice, and now because of what feminism has done you can change your name, and be equal to your husband. You know, be a family with the same name - if that's what you want - without actually being his plaything.
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Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
posted
quote:Surely we can't be the only ones to have done this? Can you honestly claim that names aren't bound up with identity? If I run into a room and call you 'Jane', because I feel you seem like a Jane, will you respond? No, you'll respond to 'Ian'. By the time a woman comes to be married, she'll have lived a whole life under her particular name - her particular identity. By that point the surname will be more than just 'her father's name', surely... it will have become incorporated into her sense of self.
I’ll cheerfully agree with this. Yes, names are inextricably caught up with identity. Does it explain part of my decision if I say that part of it was liking the idea of having a new name? Not because this gave a chance for a new identity or because I was subsuming my identity into my husbands but I quite fancied a slightly different ‘me’?
quote:Abandoning that identity - in formal, legal, language terms at least - has shades of days when the married woman left to live with her husband's family; when she had no identity beyond his (no longer Miss Ruth Lucas, just Mrs James Payne, a female adjunct to his independent life); when she had no right to own property; when she had no right to a divorce; when she had no right to refuse sex and there was no such thing as rape in marriage; when, essentially, her body was no longer her own, but his. When she had no right to an education or a vote. When she was invisible in legal terms.
Perhaps women these days 'have a problem' with women changing their name on marriage because it seems like a slap in the face to everything that women's liberation has managed to achieve. It just seems a bit...ungrateful somehow.
This is an argument which has been trotted out by my feminist friends. And I can totally see their point. But I don’t feel like I’m slapping our feminist forebears in the face. I have the choice about whether I want to marry, I have the choice whether I want to change my name and for that I thank them. But I chose to change my name for personal –and actually rather flighty – reasons. I think the reason I can’t see it as a slap in the face is because to me it seems a very minor thing. When I’m saying minor thing compared to equal rights in marriage, equal pay, right to vote all that sort of thing. I find it difficult to see a simple thing like changing my name to be quite as redolent of all that as you do. It’s just a difference in perception, I think.
quote:And I'm not having a go at you personally Louche as I'm sure you know. And from your weary tone you've probably heard the above arguments a hundred million times, so if you can't be assed to respond, I understand. But there's just something really grim to me about taking the man's name. It just seems so incredibly submissive.
I see the name change in the context of my relationship with my husband and therefore don’t find it grim or submissive.
On a related note, I find women who do that godawful double barrelling thing to be particularly annoying as it seems to be queasy compromise. Either keep your name or change it – don’t sit on the fence. It can’t be comfortable.
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Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
posted
Also: Kovacs, have you been taking lessons in posting from ralph?
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quote:Originally posted by London: Surely we can't be the only ones to have done this? Can you honestly claim that names aren't bound up with identity? If I run into a room and call you 'Jane', because I feel you seem like a Jane, will you respond? No, you'll respond to 'Ian'. By the time a woman comes to be married, she'll have lived a whole life under her particular name - her particular identity. By that point the surname will be more than just 'her father's name', surely... it will have become incorporated into her sense of self.
I dunno - it's not that big of a deal. If you ran into a room and called me Thorn, I'd still respond, and when I joined the forum I'd lived my whole life with the name my parents gave me. When I've been at meets everyone calls me Thorn and I don't feel my sense of self is being eroded in any significant way. I'd probably also respond to 'oi', and 'sir', and also if you came up with a nick name based on what you thought I looked like, and it stuck, then I'd respond to that, too.
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posted
Yeah, the double-barreled thing is even worse. What are they supposed to do when all the double-barreled kids grow up - quadruple-barrel it? I wish we did the whole son / dottir thing they do in Iceland. Though I'm not entirely clear on how that works.
Yeah, I understand it's great that women have the choice and that that is the fundamental difference between then and now etc etc. But it's my right to make conclusions about someone by the choices they make - whether to attend church, call the newsagents the 'Paki' shop, read the Mail - some choices just seem to be a dead giveaway in terms of fundamental underlying attitudes, and I guess I will make judgements based upon them. It just seems sort of...gay, somehow.
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quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: [QUOTE]I dunno - it's not that big of a deal. If you ran into a room and called me Thorn, I'd still respond, and when I joined the forum I'd lived my whole life with the name my parents gave me. When I've been at meets everyone calls me Thorn and I don't feel my sense of self is being eroded in any significant way. I'd probably also respond to 'oi', and 'sir', and also if you came up with a nick name based on what you thought I looked like, and it stuck, then I'd respond to that, too.
We all respond to our forum names because we've put time, thought and effort into creating personae - e.g. identities - that go along with these names. You'll respond to a sound like 'oi' and 'sir' because it's a general attention-seeking sound, and as a human, you'll respond to these. And you'd respond to a nickname that 'stuck' because that too would be intrinsically bound to your identity - and presumably it would only stick if it did accurately sum up something about you - e.g. conveyed aspects of your identity. Name = identity.
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Hello Niffer. Did I see cross your path at Reading station last night? If not, you either have a twin, a clone or a frighteningly realistic stunt double.
[shaggy]It wasn't me[/shaggy]. I was in Greenwich.
Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
posted
quote:Originally posted by London: Yeah, I understand it's great that women have the choice and that that is the fundamental difference between then and now etc etc. But it's my right to make conclusions about someone by the choices they make - whether to attend church, call the newsagents the 'Paki' shop, read the Mail - some choices just seem to be a dead giveaway in terms of fundamental underlying attitudes, and I guess I will make judgements based upon them. It just seems sort of...gay, somehow.
So, essentially, because I changed my name, despite the fact I've given you my reasons for doing so, you will now and for the rest of your life consider me to be submissive and a bit gay?
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