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» TMO Talk » Sex and Relationships » GUESS WHAT DUDES (Male-only version) (Page 1)

 
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Author Topic: GUESS WHAT DUDES (Male-only version)
ralph

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So...London is going to have a baby. What do y'all think about that?

[ 16.01.2008, 10:23: Message edited by: ralph ]

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ralph

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quote:
Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
Aren't vaginers amazing?

They sure are Ant'ny...they sure are.
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ralph

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quote:
Originally posted by Damon's Off:
I knew I could manage it eventually. Did you do "massage", Ralph? Go on, you can tell us.

Some, yes. During the later stages of pregnancy when she could no longer manage.
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Damon's Off
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quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
quote:
Originally posted by Damon's Off:
I knew I could manage it eventually. Did you do "massage", Ralph? Go on, you can tell us.

Some, yes. During the later stages of pregnancy when she could no longer manage.
I ain't reading this thread, it's for boys. But good for you. I'm impressed.

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Don't do anything stupid until I get back.

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ralph

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Good for my wife, mostly.

Go back to your girly thread right now!

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ralph

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quote:
Originally posted by Damon's Off:
quote:
Originally posted by herbs:
Surely 'massage' and 'fisting' amount to the same thing. In this instance.

You bet your butt they do. Dirty Ralph.
They most certainly do NOT mean the same thing!

quote:

-Scrub your hands and trim your thumb nails. Sit in a warm comfortable area, spreading your legs apart in a semi-sitting birthing position. To become familiar with your perineal area use a mirror for the first few massages (a floor-to-ceiling mirror works best). Use massage oil, such as pure vegetable oil, or a water-soluble lubricant, such as K-Y Jelly (not a petroleum-based oil) on your fingers and thumbs and around your perineum.
-Insert your thumbs as deeply as you can inside your vagina and spread your legs. Press the perineal area down toward the rectum and toward the sides. Gently continue to stretch this opening until you feel a slight burn or tingling.
-Hold this stretch until the tingling subsides and gently massage the lower part of the vaginal canal back and forth.
-While massaging, hook your thumbs onto the sides of the vaginal canal and gently pull these tissues forward, as your baby's head will do during delivery.
-Finally, massage the tissues between the thumb and forefinger back and forth for about a minute.
-Being too vigorous could cause bruising or swelling in these sensitive tissues. During the massage avoid pressure on the urethra as this could induce irritation or infection.
-As you become adept with this procedure, add Kegel exercises to your routine to help you get the feel for your pelvic muscles. Do this ritual daily beginning around week 34 of pregnancy.
-Many midwives and obstetricians believe that perineal massage is neither useful nor necessary as long as the mother's perineum is supported during crowning, her pushing is properly timed, and the baby's head and shoulders are eased out. Discuss the value of perineal massage with your birth attendant.


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Damon's Off
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I'm only messing with you, Ralph. You're a truly good man to do that sort of thing. Max Payne wouldn't, and neither would Jeff.

fucks off back to girlie thread

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Don't do anything stupid until I get back.

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ralph

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I truly am a good man.
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London

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There is no way my lame boyfriend / babyfather would do that for me. Is it ok to dump him and get a new one in time for the birth, do you reckon?
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ralph

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He sounds like a real loser. Not only did I do that, but I was on the receiving end for each of my sons arrivals. I had two clean catches and one near-miss. [Frown]
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London

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Aw, he's not a loser at all. I don't know if I would even want him to do that. I'm going to hire a doula I think. I bet she'll do it for me.
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ralph

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Yeah, that's what doulas do.
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London

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I bet it doesn't feel very nice. [Frown]
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ralph

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My wife didn't mind. She figured it was a helluva lot less painful than splitting in half...
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herbs

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Maybe you could get your waxer to do it, for a small tip. While she's down there, like. If you do such non-feminist shizzle as waxing.
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London

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I never did before but there's a first time for everything, right? And maybe it would help me prepare for the pain... in fact, maybe I'll just hit myself in the area right now.
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rooster
"When You're Hungry For A Big Cock!"
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I don't think a doula would be your best bet for the massage - it would be pretty pricey to have her visit every night for your daily rub and stretch.

Maybe a very good girl friend?

and I can't imagine any guy would really have a problem doing that. I know mine would be plenty happy to spend some quality time below.

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froopyscot
nibbled to death by an okapi
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quote:
Originally posted by rooster:
I don't think a doula would be your best bet for the massage - it would be pretty pricey to have her visit every night for your daily rub and stretch.

Probably true, but don't forget to check out the cost-saving generic alternatives available through resources such as craigslist. Look for ads in the services section under headlines such as me rub you long time.

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Give 'em .0139 fathoms and they'll take 80 chains.

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London

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Lol. It's ok, I spoke to the babyfather and he says he'll totes do the massage.
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ralph

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I take back what I said about him then.

I thought he lived in London and you don't?? [Confused]

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London

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Yeah but he's moving over here in a bit.
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ralph

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Cool. I was concerned about you. Who would run out to the store at 3am to get you whatever it was you were craving?
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London

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Ah, it's cool. He's one protective motherfucker.

Do you start craving stuff again later then? In the beginning I was obsessed with oranges and orange juice but now it's pretty normal.

Actually right now I could just murder a huge glass of wine and a Marlboro Light. It's a good thing I'm in the world's most boring country.

[ 16.01.2008, 13:54: Message edited by: London ]

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rooster
"When You're Hungry For A Big Cock!"
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Cravings come and go throughout the pregnancy, at least in my experience. Last night I bought every item of fresh fruit in the grocery store and had a dinner of fruit and cherry vanilla ice cream, which I guess could be normal.
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ralph

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quote:
Originally posted by London:
Actually right now I could just murder a huge glass of wine and a Marlboro Light. It's a good thing I'm in the world's most boring country.

I promise to smoke twice as much while you're pregnant. Who here will step up to the plate and drink Londons' wine for the duration?
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sabian

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quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
Who here will step up to the plate and drink Londons' wine for the duration?

 -

[ 16.01.2008, 14:12: Message edited by: sabian ]

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Evil isn't what you've done, it's feeling bad about it afterwards... Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.

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ralph

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 -
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ralph

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sorry. it was a lot funnier in my head on the drive in this morning...
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Thorn Davis

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quote:
Originally posted by London:
Actually right now I could just murder a huge glass of wine and a Marlboro Light. It's a good thing I'm in the world's most boring country.

I thought the whole cravings thing was based around what your body is lacking and needs more of. So if you're craving a huge glass of wine and a cigarette, presumably that's what the baby's tugging for in the womb.
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MiscellaneousFiles

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quote:
Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
So if you're craving a huge glass of wine and a cigarette, presumably that's what the baby's tugging for in the womb.

I blame the parents.
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London

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I think that came from my mind because everyone at work was so irritating yesterday. The only thing my body has craved is oranges and orange juice. One day I drank two litres of orange juice. It seems to have calmed down now though. Almost disappointing.
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MiscellaneousFiles

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Who needs fists when the butternut squash exists in an endless range of sizes?  -

[ 17.01.2008, 10:23: Message edited by: MiscellaneousFiles ]

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Damon's Off
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quote:
Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
Who needs fists when the butternut squash exists in an endless range of sizes?  -

It was funnier in the other thread, Misc.

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Don't do anything stupid until I get back.

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MiscellaneousFiles

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Yeah, but y'know...

 -

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Damon's Off
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quote:
Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
Yeah, but y'know...

 -

No MSPaintCock?

Also: I'm finding that squash kind of arousing. I don't quite know what to make of that.

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Don't do anything stupid until I get back.

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