quote:Originally posted by rooster: It was very nice to have him, especially after I got the epidural, as we could hang out and talk and doze together and watch daytime television. Though I had a very lazy labor - after six hours they woke me from a nap and asked if I was ready to push and I believe I said something like, "sure, why not."
This sounds awesome. I hope it is like this for me. I reckon next time if there is a next time I might try for a big hippystyle 'natural birth' but this time, nah. Nobody HAS to look at my fanj do they? Except midwives, doctors. I don't think the father or my sister need examine my area.
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They don't *have* to, but I can bet they will want to...it is hard not to look while the doctors are yelling "there's the head," and you won't really be in a position to stop them. I had a mirror, so I could see what was happening, which I also think aided in the pushing, as it was only about 30 min. or so of relatively easy pushing before she was out.*
*nor was my baby tiny at 8 lbs, 15 oz., but with the right muscle control, practice and visual...pretty much a piece of cake.
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With regard to whether men should be present during the birth, I would advocate personal choice. I think that it should be left very much up to the mother to be and her partner to decide what's right for them. I'm very uneasy at the thought of a consultant or obstetrician or whatever medic is overseeing the birth dictating who should be present and why.
My preference has always been to have J with me; his support is invaluable and it has always been a very significant experience for us both that manages to make our relationship even stronger (sorry if that's a bit sick making but it's true). When I had my last baby, I had to be transferred to a hospital to be induced. Unfortunately this hospital hadn't progressed much beyond the practices and protocols put in place some time during the 1950s and I ended up labouring and delivering on my own. The midwives were spectacularly inept and refused to believe me when I told them I was ready to push - they also refused to let J through the doors of the hospital because it was 4am and therefore "not visiting hours". I am still so angry at this, even now. They deprived J of an important and significant experience that he wanted to be part of and they left me to endure a very intense labour alone and unsupported.
This time around I am planning a home birth. I don't want the interference or restrictions of a hospital birth where I have to deliver according to a set of procedures and rules that I have no influence over, say in nor control of. I don't want J to miss out again. As it's going to be my last baby, I want to give birth on my terms and not those of some obstetrician who'll be either sitting on his arse in his office, playing golf or kipping in his bed at home in his mansion while I get down to the task of having my baby. But, you know, that's my choice.
Sam - you asked about home births, I don't think that there is as much reluctance these days to allow first time mothers to give birth at home. Admittedly, you'll need the support of your community midwife who'll attend the delivery unless you hire an independant midwife, so you may be at the mercy of whether your midwife agrees to your request to deliver at home. Having said that, attitudes have very much changed and with associations like AIMS now in existence to support women with their choices, it's not exactly uncommon any more.
[ 27.05.2008, 05:57: Message edited by: Sidney ]
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quote:Originally posted by Sidney: Sam - you asked about home births, I don't think that there is as much reluctance these days to allow first time mothers to give birth at home. Admittedly, you'll need the support of your community midwife who'll attend the delivery unless you hire an independant midwife, so you may be at the mercy of whether your midwife agrees to your request to deliver at home. Having said that, attitudes have very much changed and with associations like AIMS now in existence to support women with their choices, it's not exactly uncommon any more.
I am pleased to hear this. The home birth was one of the greatest experiences of my life. It knocked spots of the hospital birth if I am honest, although the first time I held both babies was something else again and is a feeling I have never forgotten.
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quote:Originally posted by London: Men, was it the most amazing experience of your life, or something you could totally have lived without seeing? Did seeing your partner in that kind of state affect your feelings towards her afterwards, in either a negative or a positive fashion?
Both times I was present and on neither occasion would I have missed it for the world. I don't know that it brought us closer together - but it was something utterly cataclysmic that we're pleased we shared (and can share again every time we talk about it).
And: just minutes after Sam was born, D was whisked into 'theatre' and so I was left with the tiny creature for three quarters of an hour - probably one of the most terrifying episodes of my life... but in a good, existence-going-from-black-and-white-to-vivid-Technicolor sense.
As Sidney says, it's down to you as a couple - even then, it may be hard for you to second-guess whether he'll find it a life-changing epiphany or a baffling ordeal. I would say: why not? If he's totally irritating, you'll have the satisfaction of telling him to GET THE FUCK OUT NOW.
I haven't posted in an age, so I'm not sure how much longer you have to go. If it's imminent: good luck! You'll be an amazing mother.
quote:Originally posted by London: Also: are we too politically correct now to dare to suggest that there are some realms of experience which might be better kept segregated along gender lines?
Celebrity gossip. I realise it's a bit harsh to tar womenkind with the same brush, but you all bear some degree of responsibility for this tide of rancid pigwank.
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I was there - moral support. Cutting the chord was amazing too.
I kind of joked that I'd stay away from the business end before anything had happened, but once the mid-wife has said 'look at the crown, dad' I glanced and was amazed and transfixed as my son appeared bit by bit.
The labour from start to finish was only about 6 hours, with the last section probably taking the longest at about 90 minutes.
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