posted
I was searching through some boxes today, trying to find my passport for my upcoming trip to Brussels, when I happened across a stack of yellowing bits of paper in the bottom of a dusty forgotten box file.
"What's this then?" thinks I, spotting my own name upon the pages.
Why, it's a random assortment of old school reports. This should be good for a laugh!
Well yes and no
I knew I was always a quiet kid. I knew I had trouble getting on with the other kids in my class. But I thought I was just like any other quiet child prone to occasional bullying. Not so! On reading through my old reports I realise, to my horror, that I was in fact some kind of awful social retard.
Check this quote by Mrs Hartley, from 1992 (age 10)
quote: General Comments (including attitude and behaviour)
In many ways Christopher is quite immature. He needs to acquire a much greater self discipline and to learn to organise himself and his time more effectively. Most pieces of written work have to be dragged out of him*
*this becomes something of a theme actually. For some reason I hated writing and found it really boring. I think it's because I could think in my head all the things I wanted to say but couldn't get them onto the paper fast enough because my handwriting was horrendous
It continues..
quote: Chris gives up much too easily if things become difficult whether it is a mathematical problem or a social problem. He has to learn to be willing to try to overcome difficulties by facing up to them
At times during the year Chris has felt that he has no friends and that everyone else is against him and yet can be quite intolerant and insensitive towards others. he must recognise that he too needs to work at friendships
Chris is obviously a bright and able boy who is not achieving his full potential. He is very easily distracted from his work and inclined to be a dreamer
Well ok that last bit is as true today as it was then.
However her cruel words are in stark contrast to my own comments made on the next page. The words, clearly, of a troubled and under-appreciated genius:
quote: (please note I have left the original spelling in-tact)
P.E.
P.e. was pretty good because I enjoy exercise. The one bit that I enjoy most is indoor rounders because I think I'm quite good at it. I like apparaus as well especially the wallbars because they are easy however I dont have a head for hights. Occasionally we have bench ball and a game that I dont knot the name of. At the beggining of the year we did dance tapes and cirtain sports
English
English was ojay but we did loads of writing and after a while you start to get bored of it pluss my had writing leaves a lot to be desired as you can see from this report
Maths
Maths was bad because we had to do 60-questions tables tests. However the bit where we made a box from the area of the original one was good because I like making things from card. Then came S.M.P what is just doing answers to questions. then we had mental arithmatic which is just another tables test with different questions
Topics
Ancient Greece: This topic was excallent much better than light and sound which, I'm afraid was a bit of a let down. The only bad thing about it was that every thing that we did involved writing of one kind. Light and Sound: Just a bit too much writing we made a pinhole camera which consists of a box with a hole each end covered in tracing paper Moving things: This was three topics rolled into one, Moving House, Moving waste matereals, and I cant remember the other one this topic was good and I enjoyed making the crane
Frankly you have to agree that while I may not have particularly enjoyed writing, and my teachers may have been dismayed with the pace at which it was produced, there's no denying that it's a thoroughly entertaining and surprisingly well written read. I was certainly very forthright with my opinions and didn't shy away from expressing how boring and unchallenging I found most of it.
Though it is fair to say that even at that young age, it was clear I would never be an athlete
quote: Christopher has worked hard to improve his ball skills this year with some success. His general co-ordination is somewhat ungainly, but he has tried hard to control his body in P.E.
Unfortunately for the next year, there is little improvement
quote: Christopher finds it very difficult to complete his pieces of work in the time allowed. he is easily distracted by others. Christopher must place more emphasis on organising himself and his work schedule in order to achieve success in all aspects of written work. He has had some problems with friendships and will have to find a stable partner and friend to help him both with his work and leisure time. He is a pleasant, friendly boy who needs to feel secure in working groups
I'm not sure what he meant there by a 'stable partner'. I mean, I was 11, was he expecting me to settle down with a girl (or boy, judging from the worryingly androgynous term 'partner') at that young, tender age? Piffle. But yes, probably having at least one friend would have benefited me immensely.
A couple of years later though and it all seems so much more encouraging, with some of the teacher comments sounding more like a description of a younger version of the person I am now. I wonder if maybe it was because I had a male teacher for those years. Here's a selection of quotelets
quote: English
I have been very please to see Christopher has been taking so much pleasure in reading this year. His choice of books has matured and he clearly knows what he likes to read and why. He also enjoys reading and writing poetry, and likes to use expression in his voice when he reads aloud.
is written work has shown signs of improvement, with the development of an engaging style and awareness of audience. He will need to improve the speed of his output though, is he is going to be able to complete the ever increasing amounts that he wants to write.
Technology
Christopher has responded well to, and been successful in tackling the technology problems. He has shown confident use of materials and equipment. he has a growing understanding of mechanisms and this enabled him to product a good power boat.
(note - I didn't actually build a full sized power boat. It was just a little model with rubber bands and suchlike. Mine was totally the fastest of the class though because it was more streamlined - Ringo)
Art
Christopher has made very good use of his sketch book during the year, recording and developing his ideas. I have been impressed by his ability to look at things from different 'angles' and to represent them in imaginative ways. He really enjoys cartoon drawing showing a great eye for detail, but at times the content is somewhat self indulgent and hard to interpret.
As you see, my artistic output was beyond my teacher's limited capacity for comprehension.
This is probably the year I remember most vividly, and also most fondly from my years at combined school before moving up to secondary. The last comment I would ever make on a first school report was under the 'My interests' section at the back:
quote: My interests are computers and technology. I prefer computers because I facinated by the billions of things they do. I like technology because I like making things and designing new methods of propulsion for the things I make. I once made a plane, it was a good idea and everything but it just wouldn't fly. I think that it was too heavy. It went up the runway, over the ramp and smashed into hundreds of bits. I also enjoy swimming.
And with that I moved to secondary school, which is where I seemed to turn more into a normal human being, just like every one else.
Though I didn't lose my sense of humour:
quote: Maths
This year in maths I have done all kinds of charts, decimals, percentages, fractions and bearings. I have found it mostly easy, except for charts, decimals, percentages and fractions.
It's hard to remember really just how much teacher input there was from this point onwards in my yearly reports. My comments become increasingly focused, insightful and self aware. In some reports I sound genuinely disappointed when I don't think I've made the kind of progress I wanted, and in others very pleased with myself.
I find it fascinating that I started out as a reclusive, odd child who had severe difficulties in relating and socialising with other pupils, to a reasonably well adjusted young man. It's fair to say that this was thanks, in part, to my supportive teachers who bothered to take an interest in me and weren't afraid to criticise when I had let myself down. But also I realise now that their comments must have, at least partially, inspired me to improve myself. Over the course of 6 years I managed to mature and address the issues I had, without losing my creative side.
This is the one thing I think that kids who are home schooled maybe don't get to experience; the process of having, at a young age, to address and overcome the social conflicts which are part and parcel of growing up. That's the difference really, because homeschooling can lead to great academic and vocational success, but does this come at the expense of having to learn at an older age, how to properly deal with certain social situations?
It's always fun reading back through old school reports, because it inevitably brings back memories. But at the same time it makes you realise that you've been on this pretty amazing journey which has shaped the kind of person you've become. Who is to say what kind of person I would be now if my first teacher had been different. Had encouraged me in some different way, or maybe taken less of an interest.
It's probably no surprise though, given the difficult time I had in my years in school, that I found it very hard to motivate myself to go into higher education. I had a stab at A levels, and college, and dropped out of both to go into full time work. I don't regret that, it was right for me at the time, although there are decisions I've made since then which I could have done differently. But who is to say, right? It's really easy to look back and think that life would be better if you'd gone down a different path. Like, if I had gone to a different college, to do a motor mechanics course rather than IT, where would I be today? Maybe I'd be happier. My life would be completely different though. Half the friends I have now are people I met in college. I wouldn't work in an office now, so I would never have found Seethru. I wouldn't have met any of you. I don't know if I'd be happier, or better off. I'd be a different person to who I am now.
I don't know where I'm going with this really, or what kind of a discussion we can have it. I'm just, as Mr Roe points out above, being self indulgent and difficult to interpret.
Maybe other people have old school reports they could share?
posted
I know mine still exist, just not easily at hand unfortunately. They reside in a filing cabinet at my parents house but having read your post Ringo, I'm tempted to ask them to dig them out for me. Might make interesting reading after 20 years... If there are any gems of comments I might even post them.
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posted
My school reports were quite educational. It's where I first learned the meaning of words like "lackadaisical" and "indolent".
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H1ppychick
We all prisoners, chickee-baby. We all locked in.
posted
I was a really annoying girly swot. I suspect my school reports would be very, very dull.
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posted
Yes. I wonder how many people on TMO might find "easily distracted" formed a cornerstone criticism throughout their school reports.
I was going through some school reports and exercise books last time I was at my parents' house. There was a music teacher who described me as "completely tone deaf", which was completely innaccurate - I just couldn't sing, which isn't the same thing at all. Then there was the art teacher who said I "shouldn't waste time telling ridiculous stories". No. Yeah. Where's that ever going to get me. In fairness, I was completely atrocious at 'art' (ie, drawing/ painting), to the point where it annoys me when people say they can't draw or whatever, because I've never met anyone so completely incompetent at drawing or painting as me. I can't even paint a wall.
One History teacher made fun of my brevity by claiming "Ian gets the most marks from the least expenditure of ink", which my parents found hilarious and still bring up 20 years later. Well, fuck you teacher and - yes - fuck you dad, because being able to hammer home as many points as possible in the fewest words is actually a valuable skill in the 21st Century world of Journalism, marketing and copywriting.
Most of my English reports tempered their praise with comments on the appalling level of gruesome violence that shaped my creative writing (this was aged about 8-13, I kind of grew out of it for a while), but mostly they seemed pleased that I wrote in my spare time and handed stories in to be marked.
Maths was probably the worst of them - it was always just a foreign language to me. I could never get my head round it, and my reports were completely exasperated by the fact. And also, that I was utterly lazy when it came to maths. I just couldn't be bothered.
-------------------- Now that you've called me by name? Posts: 2007
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H1ppychick
We all prisoners, chickee-baby. We all locked in.
posted
I was good at sciences and languages but it was the creative subjects that I failed to shine in. As evidenced by my TMO output over the years, my writing is pedestrian, and always sounds dead and flat to me.
I really enjoyed Art, but my output was less 'inspired' and more 'technical' in nature. I still dabble occasionally nowadays but am not enormously proficient - the things I produce can occasionally look OK but I feel as though I've cheated since there's no real original spark behind them, they're basically just black and white photos rendered in ink. Similarly I've been known to do needlecraft in the past but that's basically paint-by-numbers using yarn rather than paint (BTW sorry Mikee, I promise I'll dig out that project and finish it off for you).
So, yeah. I'm a nerd with no flair
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posted
I never really paid attention to my reports. A history teacher once said that my flowery pen couldn't make up for my lack of knowledge, but apart from that, it was the standard stuff about attitude and agressiveness towards teachers.
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posted
In terms of how good I was at subjects, my reports seem slightly contradictory. Each subject had a few common themes, in particular my homework was always short and rushed, or missing entirely. I was frequently lazy and apparently would ‘run out of steam’ about halfway through any piece of work. They read like the reports of someone who was of below average ability in these subjects, yet all of the reported grades were A and B grades. It’s like I grasped the subject really well, and in terms of my understanding of the material I couldn’t actually be faulted by my teachers. It’s just I never really bothered doing the work because it mostly seemed like repeating what they had already told us. Maybe I really was just completely understimulated by the subjects I was learning. I know for a fact that my art teacher thought I had massive talent and potential, but used to get really angry with me for never actually using my ability. I think she was kind of hoping I might go on to do something vaguely artistic.
I was pretty good at most subjects but there were a few I seemed to really shine in. Science was one of them, and technology classes (both design and stuff like woodwork etc) and as I got older I started to really enjoy English. I’m trying to remember now which classes I really didn’t enjoy. I think that Geography was one of them, and Maths another. It used to irritate me that I wasn’t better at maths, especially when I saw people who I knew weren’t actually as smart as me, finding the subject a lot easier than I did. In a way I kind of wish I could go back to school now because I think I’d actually enjoy it a lot more. But I have to reluctantly admit, I’d probably still spend my time daydreaming, doodling in the back of my exercise books, and staring at the outline of Natalie Coleman’s bra…
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quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: A history teacher once said that my flowery pen couldn't make up for my lack of knowledge.
Ha! A lot of teachers clearly failed to predict the extent to which style would completely overshadow substance by the time we hit adulthood. A flowery pen is way more important than knowing what you're talking about.
Anyone want to have a crack at quoting 'a flowery pen is' there? I can't work out a joke to go with it. Maybe Hippychick can feed it into an excel spreadsheet and come out with a quip that, although technically a joke produces neither laughter, disgust, or weary groans.
-------------------- Now that you've called me by name? Posts: 2007
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quote:Originally posted by dang65: My school reports were quite educational. It's where I first learned the meaning of words like "lackadaisical" and "indolent".
Yeah, one of my art reports taught me the word flippant. Which was pretty accurate really. Just about every report from the beginning to the end of my school career included 'class clown' at some point or other.
One thing that I remember well was being told time and again that I was a very intelligent boy who would do well if I just applied myself. Basards. For ages I believed them.
posted
...you built a crane? and moved a house with it? or did you move the waste material with it? i dont understand. lets not get sucked down this browen penis cul de sac. i want to talk about the waste moving thing!
posted
it doesn't really matter what colour the baker's penis is, as long as it's safely tucked away, and not touching things in the bakery.
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posted
I can't really remember the crane project that well. I think it was some kind of pivoty swivelly thing which picked up blocks and moved them from place to place. I don't think it was capable of moving houses or waste matereals. Unless they came in small block form.
I'm tempted to go up in the loft and dig out my old GCSE art stuff but I don't think it'd be that interesting to be honest.
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posted
I like the idea of a baker with a really long crooked penis, shaoed like a crane, lasooing doughnuts with a sticky jank string, like one of those plastic frogs with the stretchy rubber tongues. Do you remember them?
quote: I'm tempted to go up in the loft and dig out my old GCSE art stuff but I don't think it'd be that interesting to be honest.
I don’t recommend that – I encountered all my old stuff recently while my mum was moving house and it was way shitter than I remembered. Another memory despoiled....
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posted
I think it's OK if the stuff you did ten or fifteen years ago is obviously rubbish. There's nothing more depressing than turning up something you did as a teenager and realising it's much better than anything you could do now.
posted
I found my school reports a little while ago when I was housesitting for my parents. It was far worse than I remembered. I thought 'let's see how wrong they were' rather smugly to myself and later realised I was clearly a deluded and cocksure fool. I felt like crying. It's li9ke they had written a report on my life now.
posted
Imagine if you had to have parent/ teacher evenings with your boss. That would be awful. Your boss calling your parents and you into the meeting room, and going over all the deadlines you'd missed, the wasted time on the internet, the awful drunken mishaps. I think that would be among my top ten worst nightmares. It would just be terrible.
-------------------- Now that you've called me by name? Posts: 2007
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posted
Or your girlfriend. Imagine the Parents-Girlfriend evening where she goes through all the reasons why you aren't making her happy. From not paying her enough attention, being selfish in bed, playing computer games or forgetting her birthday. Imagine having to look over at your father while he gives you a 'just wait until you get home lad' face.
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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