I recently made a post detailing a drunk, successful night out where I found out my old friend's new friends are teenage girls (well you know, 18/19. And we all got on well and yadayada.) Anyway, a few days later we're out again except this time I end up sleeping with one of them (I felt like Mark in Peepshow and was just waiting to be strangled, but wasn't) and weirdly enough, the four us found ourselves really getting on well. It's so long since I've been in a "gang" of friends and to have injokes falling after having only met these people three times was very refreshing for me.
SO! The girl I'm sort of hanging out with has quite a....past. This past involves the usual things like glasses in eyes, assault and a quite eery pattern of stalkerish behaviour from the gentlemen she has had in her life. Despite all this, she is a genuinely nice girl with a fine, fine rack. She has lots of good qualities and I think, hopefully soonish, will stop having people trying to glass them and stop headbutting other people. By the by, I enjoy hanging out with her. So tonight I pop over to her house in part because it's a good bike ride and I need some excuse to be training again and in part because I'm starting to really enjoy being unemployed and watching 3 quality films a day. So I get there and her ex is still phoning her and texting. On the way to her house, I'd had visions of me having to disarm this young man and fashion a garotte out of the lamp to take him out. But I thought, "No, surely he's not going to come here!" Then there was a knock on the door.
I haven't been scared for a long time now. The last time was probably when my ex was attacking me with a guitar, and that wasn't too much fear cus I always knew that whatever she would do, as long as there was no sharp things about I'd be fine. But this girl's ex is get this - a Judo and Taekwando blackbelt! Now, even if I had been say a Judo expert, he still would probably have turned me into a tuna sandwich with mixed martial arts fighting. I'd have been trying to grab him and he'd have just given me a swift roundhouse to the head. And his job is cutting trees, so you know, in my head this guy has turned into the Incredible Hulk. I am 11 stone with girlie arms and an even girlier attitude to feminist politics.
The girl I'm with goes down and starts talking to him and all I can hear is...
Just fucking bring him out here nicely or I'll come in there and get him
I'll fucking kill him
Or variations on that general theme for about ten minutes. And fuck was I scared. I'm not going to try and pretend I had some massive plan, because every plan I thought of, my brain told me it wasn't going to work. "You could blind him with the Mr Sheen!"
Brain's response: This would only slow him down. Eventually he will find you and hold your eyes open and blind you with it."
"I could kick him the nuts!"
Brains response: This would only slow him down. Eventually he will find you and chew off your bollocks and hold your still erect penis in his mouth before his jaws destroy it forever.
And so on.
But still, the feeling of being scared was novel and fresh, pounding heart, clenched fists, sweat, stomach going awry. And I couldn't control it! (it's ok jnohj fans, i didn't -actually- shit myself.) It was semi-rational because I was fucking ready to do something, even if it was just to run extremely fast in the opposite direction from him. None the less, it was infuriating watching my brain and body completely spaz out on me (though may have saved my life had I actually need to run / punch some fucker and run).
And all I could think was, "If I was lowlevel, or my builder friend Rick, I'd just go out there, and paste him, really give him a good, solid kicking." Unfortunately, I am aware of my lack of skill in these area and it is hard not to associate that with percevied ideas of masculinity. And it's infuriating! So I've come on the internet to hope that other , small, physically weak men would have done the same thing. And for big fuckers like Sabian to say they would have smashed him with their bat size fists.
I went home after that, I couldn't calm down and didn't much like being seen in a state of near panic. Pretty embarassing! Also: i didn't want my head kicked in if the fucker came back. And I think if my bike hadn't been outside he might have calmed down a bit.
posted
If all you wanted was to be like LowLevel or Sabian, all you had to do was react precisely the way you did and then come here and explain that the reason you didn't was because you didn't want to go to prison for tearing a man limb from limb, which is exactly what would have happened if you had gone outside to fight him but you didn't because you didn't want to go to prison for using your strength of the bear!!! attack on this poor guy, but you would have, if it hadn't been for that. Otherwise that fucker would be sorry he messed. Then you could come back on here and set about bullying Harlequin or something that demonstrates just how noble you really are.
Anyway. I'm sure this chick really didn't want to see a fight outside her house, regardless of whether you were able to take this guy to the cleaners or not because fights aren't really like what they are in the heads of people like Sabian. They're normally pathetic and ugly and painful and stupid and demeaning for all involved. And while these people may make a big show of going "I'll fucking kill 'em" it's usually just honking posturing like a walrus rearing up to defend it's territory. After all, he didn't actually come into the house and kill you. It was just bluster. Pathetic macho bluster.
Posts: 13758
| IP: Logged
If you would have gone downstairs (or where ever) it would have escalated and you would'a gotten proper fucked.
AND if you did manage to kick his head in, chances are she would have looked at you like the bad guy and consoled him.
These situations, you can never win... Defend yourself if it came to it, but doing anything other than you were doing... Going down would have been you trying to prove you were a 'man' and it would have turned out for the worse because your motive was selfish.
However, if ex was hitting her and you cowered upstairs thinking about washing the windows, this post would say different things!
-------------------- Evil isn't what you've done, it's feeling bad about it afterwards... Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again. Posts: 3793
| IP: Logged
quote:Originally posted by jnhoj: I went home after that...
Hang on a minute. How did this situation actually defuse then? Did he just wander off after a while?
I was lucky on the one occasion that I philandered with a girl who already had a boyfriend. She'd had a big row with him and stormed out and we got together and had a little fling, but they'd been together for ages and after a couple of weeks he came looking for her. *gulp*
But, no, turns out he was a lovely guy and we all three sat and had a cup of tea and a chat about it where she basically said she was thinking she ought to go back to him and would that be ok with me, and I said yes I can see that that makes a lot of sense [and it was really just a sexy fling and unlikely to develop into lifelong love anyway, to be honest]. And we shook hands!
Couple of days later I fell in love properly with someone else, so it all worked out quite well really.
But that's of little help to jnhoj.
The one thing I'd be really terrified of in that sort of situation is the old "if I can't have you then no one else can" scenario, which you read horror stories about sometimes. But I guess that's quite rare.
In cases of personal physical threat I've always been lucky enough to get away with being so affable that the prospective assailant ends up feeling like they'd be attacking David Attenborough or Stephen Fry or something and backs down!
I suppose that does depend on the level of psychosis inside the opposition's head though, so maybe not entirely reliable as a defence strategy.
Posts: 8467
| IP: Logged
posted
I reckon the ex wandered off because he was so filled with contempt at your cowardice that he decided not to merely beat you up, but to actually KILL you. And not only kill you, but to kill you in the most painful and deplorable way imaginable. He probably went home to muster his power tools and look out a really heavy pair of gloves and overalls. And a welder's mask.
[Crikey, whatever happened to Monty Python quotes? Was a time when every third sentence in a conversation between educated men was a Monty Python quote.]
Posts: 8467
| IP: Logged
quote:Originally posted by dang65: What about the pointed stick?
[Crikey, whatever happened to Monty Python quotes? Was a time when every third sentence in a conversation between educated men was a Monty Python quote.]
Cultural tides, old man. My Dad's always coming out with Round the Horne lines. Personally, I find it quite hard to stop using Cartman lines at work.
Posts: 1562
| IP: Logged
posted
Why should we keep quoting them? What's Monty Python ever done for us?
Apart from ground-breaking surreal comedy Oh, and the the dead parrot sketch. so, apart from the comedy and the dead parrots, etc.
Posts: 4537
| IP: Logged
posted
You did ok John. Cowering, crying and pant-shitting are a natural part to play in this. This person has got something to prove. He's violent and needs to be greeted with passiveness. I would get a gun though. Nothing special. Something like a pistol purse. Then if he comes near you, you can pop him in the knee and get really close to him. Then do some cocaine off your new chicks rack. Yeah.
posted
You should probably get a little info about this guy, you know, surreptitiously, from your bird. Address, place of work, local, bits and pieces like that. Casual like. And then, if he does give you a hiding, you're all prepped for the revenge ambush.
posted
Rent Straw Dogs for a few tips on how the emasculated intellectual might go about defeating a baying mob of thugs using everyday items you find around the house such as cooking oil, the cord of a window blind and a mantrap the size of a Ford Ka.
Posts: 13758
| IP: Logged
posted
Such is my lack of ferciousnes I was unable to finish Ichi the killer...
I...
Yes Sabian, if I had heard cries of help emanating from below I doubt there would have been much hesitation as to running out there and hoping I could do that move like Mark Wahlberg does to Jude Law in I heart huckabees where you grasp their head and side and just push them over or something, but luckily it didn't come to that.
I left 'cus I felt shit and imagined he was -probably- going to come back, and if he did, he might calm down if my bike wasn't outside. I also didn't want the bike ruining/stealing because er, its not mine.
quote:Originally posted by jnhoj: he might calm down if my bike wasn't outside.
Sorry to do this, but: LOL, was it a girls bike with a bell on the handlebars? You should rock up on a girls bike with streamers coming out of the handles to shine the fucker on.
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic