It's Christmas, and what is Christmas, really, without Woolworths?
I, for one, am going to do everything I can to prop Woolworths up. I'm buying all my Christmas presents from Woolworths and I'm having Pick 'n' Mix for Christmas dinner.
What are YOU doing to save Woolworths? Eh? WHAT?!
[ 27.11.2008, 04:52: Message edited by: Black Mask ]
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I have discovered that Woolworths are selling massive Toblerones for £2.69 that are normally £6.99 and it is possible to get a voucher for buy 2 get one free, so I'm going to get £20.97 worth of Toblerone for £5.38.
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Those massive Toblerone's rock. I had a Fruit and Nut one, at the weekend. Lush. I think only Woolworths and Duty Free shops sell them.
Another reason Woolworths must stay open is because there's one right next door to the Peckham Multiplex, and it's a lot cheaper to buy your sweets and drinks in Woolies than it is at the concession in the cinema.
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I used to quite like this girl who did weekend work in Woolworths. Then at a school disco or something I drank a bottle of martini and tried to put my hand up her skirt, she decked me, and it never really worked out between us after that. I think she lives in France now.
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Rebecca, I think her name was. If you're reading this Rebecca, sorry about the hand thing, but I was just playing around, you know, joking about. Wasn't trying to finger you or anything.
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Anyway, my brother once got caught shoplifting in Woolworths, but I can't think of anything dramatic that happened to me in there. I once got fucking angry with some stupid shop assistant because I was trying to find out if they had a playstation game and she didn't even know what one was or something, and I kept being sent to different desks and people kept checking computers and nobody could tell me if they had the damn game. It wasn't a dramatic scene though. The drama all happened inside. Outside was just a barren teenage stop sign.
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Never really liked Woolworths. Bought a cheap, crap, pillow and duvet cover set from there once. A few pictures of it on Facebook, I think. Also got annoyed when I tried to take advantage of their 'buy one get one half price offer' on DVDs in the Top Twenty, only to find that it excluded most of the top ten. That really fucked me off, especially as I ended up buying them anyway because I'd queued for so long and didn't fancy shopping around elsewhere. A complete disaster.
So, frankly I'm glad they're going out of business. Fuck 'em. Black Mask can go fuck himself to, for sticking up for them. Most of what they sell is crap, and the stuff that's the same as everywhere else is usually overpriced. It always makes me sad when I go in and see Xbox games for £50 being bought by parents who don't know any better. Same with WHSmiths. Fuck the lot of them.
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Do you think it was me nicking a ruler, a compass, three pens, two Marc Bolan tapes, one Paul McCartney 'Give My Regards to Broadstreet' tape, and one Strawberry Switchblade tape between february and april in 1984 that sent them over the edge into the financial abyss?
A butterfly flaps its wings in Solihull and all that...
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Every time I see snow I'm reminded of the terrible frozen December day I spent as a six year old, lost in the woods with the family dog. I made it. The dog didn't. We were abandoned for nearly 30 minutes, and I could feel the cold creeping into my small fingers. Even at that young age I understood the warmth the dog had to offer; with tears rolling down my cheeks, and a sharp flint clutched in my mitten I was forced to cut the puppy's belly open and plunge my hands into his insulated innards. As I watched the life fade from his confused, pained eyes I made a note that i would never forget his sacrifice, that he gave his life lest my own hands become quite unpleasantly chilly and that I would never forgive snow for the awful position it had forced me into.
Also, don't ever talk to me about Slade. Following their massive success as a rock group in the Seventies, they invested massively in Dorset real estate, to the point where they owned most of the houses in Wimborne Minster. As Noddy's sideburn habit grew dangerously out of control, so they were forced to put rents up all over town. Family after family wound up on the streets. I watched from the front window of my father's hotel - closed for business for the winter - as hack-coughed children huddled up to their mothers and fathers and expiring grandparents wishing there was something we could do to help. I must have tried sleeping in all 30 of the hotels rooms that December, yet from every single one my sleep was disturbed by the wails and sobbing of the people Slade had cast out onto the street.
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Woolworths is shit. If it didn't exist, no-one would invent it. It does lots of things, but all of them badly.
For example, I wanted to buy Nintendo's brain training game, and assumed as there were about 20 empty boxes on the shelves, they had plenty in stock. After queueing for far longer than I should have, a barely sentient being said 'na i sta', which I took to mean 'not in stock'. He kindly offered to order it online. If I'd wanted to order it online, FGS, I would have done so, and it would have been cheaper. I wanted it then. I suggested to him, and also to customer services in a ranting email, that having empty boxes on the shelves is generally taken to mean there are plenty in stock, but was told I was being unreasonable.
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Christmas just wouldn't be complete without some things. Woolworths, snow, Slade... also; eviscerated puppies, tuberculic children, suicidally impecunious parents...
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Woolies is always really busy when I go in there. Although that might be because I only go in there last thing on Christmas Eve in a desperate search for some kind of present for the kids to share, along with all the other pathetic parents.
I've gone and ordered some Lego online early this year though, so fuck Woolies (as the Welsh actress suggested to the bishop).
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This could be an opportunity for the BBC to win back a bit of goodwill. They should have a special Woolworths night, and get Mary Portas and the Dragons to fix Woolies and get the public motivated to get out there and shop, shop, shop at Britain's finest old chain of stores.
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just goes to show, it's all about the shopping experience and brand. M&S were looking like they were in the shit a few years ago. Bit of twiggy, slo-mo picture of a cake, and it's the nation's favourite high street store.
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This is it. This is the opportunity for the Mad Max future to begin. Major high street chains shut down and town centres become barren wastelands for misadventure. Tribes of hoodies are seperated by online branding wars. Buy in youth culture from ebay. Popping into Curry's to pick up a Guitar Hero peripheral requires to be dropped in by parachute, Escape From New York style. Cyberdyne systems sending in the latest T-4000X despite the fact they're arriving from the future anyway to queue up in Morrisons.
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in Ashford they made a huge 'discount shipping village' outside the town, presumably to cater for all the first time barratt homes buyers that they're moving in there.
The result was the the central business district moved outside the town centre, and the town centre, encircled by a perilous ring road, was converted to a maximum security prison where gangs of bikers and punks battled for control of the drug trade. The consequences of the violence and aggressive pushing of a designer drug called 'Bliss' meant that the new underclass, (known as 'melters' due to the physical damage caused by Bliss) were forced literally underground. A labyrinth of tunnels left over from a cold war bunker project became home to these desperate creatures. Here they live alongside the rats and 'chunnel-runners', sheltering from the war above them.
The upshot of all of this was that Ashford Borough council deployed a badly trained but highly armed peacekeeping force, who quickly went rogue and declared independence from the council. The last action the council took was to set up a never ending set of roadworks around a 'neutral zone' (roughly encircling the primary suburbs). Getting in or out of the town centre is now almost impossible, and there are increasingly few reports coming through.
The reports that do come through are extremely disturbing.
Ashford Designer Outlet
a 'melter', in the final stages of disease, gasps for surface air
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As crisply written, and smartly amusing as Kanye's post is, other TMOers might like to know that it's simply cut n pasted from Ashford's Wikipedia page.
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I'm just trying to distract people from my careless moment of lazy radio 4 bullshittery, that you correctly called me out on. I haven't been to Ashford for about ten years, so I have no idea what it's like. Could be amazing.
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H1ppychick
We all prisoners, chickee-baby. We all locked in.
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It's Dave the Disco Nun!
Who's the thumbsup guy? He totally looks like the guy from that Irish band who did that Big Sur song, what are they called again, erm... yeah, The Thrills, that's them...
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