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I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight... razor... and surviving.
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I made a teenage girl cry this morning. Proper, blubbing, mascara pouring down her face crying. Feel a bit shitty about that.
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quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: I made a teenage girl cry this morning. Proper, blubbing, mascara pouring down her face crying. Feel a bit shitty about that.
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Last week a cat - without tag or identification - died in the driveway of the office. This morning I was first in, only to find a Lost Cat! note posted through the letterbox. So I had to give the number a call. It went about as well as you'd expect me handling such a call to go. I told her we had her cat, could she please come round and collect it, after all this is a place of work, not a bloody animal sanctuary. She apologised, but sounded pretty excited and happy. Turned up a few minutes later. "It's in the driveway, under the tartan rug!" I shouted through the door, not looking up from the imdb thread I was reading. Then: tears, screaming. Honestly - she should have been grateful I even bothered to call.
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I made a seventeen year old cry on Saturday night! It was my sister's 18th party, at my house, and I found this girl in MY BATHROOM with the LIGHTS OFF and A BOY. I told her to get the fuck out of my bathroom and if she wanted to act like a little slut she could get the fuck out of my house too.
quote:Originally posted by Lilo: I found this girl in MY BATHROOM with the LIGHTS OFF and A BOY. I told her to get the fuck out of my bathroom and if she wanted to act like a little slut she could get the fuck out of my house too.
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If you really wanted them out of your bathroom without looking like a total squaroid, you could've just pulled down your kecks, said "Don't mind me!" and done a shit.
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It was harsh, I know. But it was two in the morning and I was tired of trying to be 'cool big sister' and just wanted everyone to go home so I could start clearing away the three hundred empty Fosters cans in my hallway/living room/kitchen/garden.
And anyway, I probably did her a favour. I mean. She could have been well on her way to teenage pregnancy by now if I hadn't put a stop to their bathroom antics....
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wouldn't that depend if they were standing up and leaning against the towel rail or not? And if the towel rail was on. These things all have a sway on conception.
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Wouldn't the towel rail make her likely to get pregnant as it would heat up the sperm making it more lively and more able to cane it up her tubes and burrow into the egg.
I'm pretty sure that's accurate from a biological view.
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My friend Chris had a pretty bostin party once. Paul sprayed windowlene on his arse and was found in the corridor moaning that 'my arse is on fire' Someone went around to the gay pub and asked everyone back for a party. Two guys bummed on chris's bed and stole a fiver off his cabinet. Someone put a door through. Those were the days.
[ 19.01.2009, 09:18: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
quote:Originally posted by Kanye West: I have, yes, although the first time I did so I managed to it quite wrong, and she didn't tell me until years later.
How do you do it wrong? I can understand how it can be done in a way that isn't satisfying to a woman, but how do you actually do it wrong?
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quote:Originally posted by Kanye West: I have, yes, although the first time I did so I managed to it quite wrong, and she didn't tell me until years later.
How do you do it wrong? I can understand how it can be done in a way that isn't satisfying to a woman, but how do you actually do it wrong?
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I massaged her anus, thinking that I was fingering her. At least, that's what she told me. You have to remember, I was like 12, totally pissed, and doing it while she still had her jeans on. But still. An embarrassing error.
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Is that really an embarrassing error? I fingered a couple of girls when I was a teenager, but I was in my twenties before I plucked up the nerve to stick things up a girl's ass. I mean... that's beyond a home run, surely? Mostly you get banging a chick out the way before you're sticking things up her ass; sometimes you never reach that level of intimacy. Congrats for going nuclear at the age of 12. Respect.
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I'm with Thorn, it was ages before I realised that wanting to touch a girl's balloon knot was actually ok let alone totally awesome.
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