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Sorry to hear about your cat and your stolen bike London, so I've created a thread to pick you up. I'm not very good at this so I'm going to hand it over to Harry Otter. Take it away Harry!
Thank you Mikee. It's in this time that we are reflecting on not what cheers us up, but how we cheer people up. I find, simply by being an otter obviously helps tremendously. Let's face it, otters are pretty good aren't they? When I'm not busy trying to get my 200m swimming badge , I spend time telling jokes to people. Here's for you, some of my all time classics.
Knock, knock Who's there? Otter Otter who? Otter let me in!
I'd tell you some more, but there isn't any! Honestly I've googled and the most I found was some jokes that were on a stoatally different type of mammal.
Ok, ...thanks Harry.
Here's an old friend of yours, who you may want to have a listen to. He's got a few words of wisdom. Welcome, sadface smiley:
People think it's a right laugh being a sadface smiley, but it's not! For instance, I'm blue, which implies not only am I sad, but that I'm sad and cold. Nobody likes being sad and cold and if you've seen the pathetic face on the penguin whose egg gets all cracked and gnarled in March of the Penguns, then you'll know it's not a place you want to be. Every time I here someones name it's always them first, then me. Not a day goes by when I don't hear 'oh roy!' and 'oh benway' and then my services are called on to convey a sense of sad that doesn't even exist. My existance is pain. I have a friend who will inspire confidence in you. Meet the original and best: Smiley
Now see everyone loves a good smile. Since the begginning of time there has been smileys. You know why? Cos being sad sucks. It totally sucks. As sadface above has shown you. Smileys have been everywhere, from crop circles, to acid house, to Bill and Ted. The smiley is timeless. Here is a picture of the smiley, used by the Egyptians, before the Muslims scraped all the imagery of smilies and penises out of history. Which looking at now is very clearly photoshopped, but what's a boy to do eh? We put an otter on as compere.
Here's a friend you may remember:
Hi amp. I'm laughing smiley, but you could be confusing me as smug with myself smiley. Nuh uh. Give me a try. At first you'll feel weird, maybe even a little smug, but soon you'll be enjoying great baleful laughs. Give it a while and you may even start to feel ever so slightly by our oldest of friends who needs no introduction. So to be frivelous I'll introduce to you:
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An orange and a pear are due to start at fruit school. They go in to town with their mum and dad to buy their new uniform and shoes and every shop they go in to they see the same hard, applelike fruit wearing pink pyjamas with a green lacy bra over the top. They go for a coffee and, sure enough, there is the hard, applelike fruit wearing pink pyjamas with a green lacy bra over the top and smoking a pipe with flowers in it sitting at a table drinking a latte. They go W H Smiths to buy some pencils, and Rymans to buy a notebook, and in each shop they see the same hard, applelike fruit wearing pink pyjamas with a green lacy bra over the top and smoking a pipe with flowers in it and with diver's flippers on its feet. It's really spooky. They finally get on the bus to go home and, you've guessed it, the same hard, applelike fruit wearing pink pyjamas with a green lacy bra over the top and smoking a pipe with flowers in it and with diver's flippers on its feet and a tortoise perched on its shoulder is sitting at the back of the bus.
Anyway, the next Monday the orange and the pear start at fruit school. They go in to their new class and, blow me down, the mysterious applelike fruit wearing pink pyjamas with a green lacy bra over the top and smoking a pipe with flowers in it and with diver's flippers on its feet and a tortoise perched on its shoulder is standing in the corner with a pointy hat on its head looking very sorry for itself.
The orange says to the teacher, "Excuse me, Miss, but everywhere we go we keep seeing that applelike fruit wearing pink pyjamas with a green lacy bra over the top and smoking a pipe with flowers in it and with diver's flippers on its feet and a tortoise perched on its shoulder standing in the corner with a pointy hat on its head."
And the teacher says, "Oh, that's just a weird quince dunce."
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These tales of misfortune always remind me of the saying "I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man with no feet. Then I laughed really hard."
Also Harry the Otter won't be so cheerful when the chemicals from the nuclear plant burn all the skin from his bones, lol.
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Sorry to hear your bad news, London. Cheer up though! At least you're not going to have to spend tomorrow night with the kind of people who are going to this:
Thanks for your kind words, cute smileys and fun jokes. Luckily I have new-for-old insurance, so I can hopefully rebuy the same beautiful shiny black german bike, and now they have aluminium frames so it'll be lighter and faster. Cloud silver lining &c, right?
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Sorry to hear about the kitty. Was that your very elderly ladycat?
I am trying to think of cheerful things, but I haven't been cheered by anything in months.
Oh, all the nice Autumn clothes are in the shops.
-------------------- What I object to is the colour of some of these wheelie bins and where they are left, in some areas outside all week in the front garden. Posts: 4941
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Poor pussy. It is totally devastating when a pet dies, and you are allowed to feel v sad. Virginia Ironside said so in her book.
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Scrawny and I went to Chinawhite once when she was being paid to investigate the 'london scene'. Our task was to spend a long weekend (thursday - sunday) visiting a variety of different clubs and then create a report on what the different cliques were wearing/drinking/smoking that could be sold to advetisers and marketeers.
In the end we spent all of our expenses cash (about £500) on drink and drugs, got completely hammered and made the whole thing up on the sunday night.
The highlight of our Chinawhite experience was betting £100 of someone else's money on who could spot the shittest celebrity. There was an extra £50 in the bonus pot if that celebrity was Dean Gaffney. I think Scrawny won with a timely appearance of Fariah Allam - Up until that point I thought i'd bagged it with the fat, ginger one from Girls Aloud.
Our next stops were Bouji (sp?) and Funky Buddha which, all-in-all, were too infuriating to even think about.
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How can Vikram and Bandy start laying into trendy wannabe, London club scene types? That's like the pythons laying into the anacondas for being too constrictive.
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Lol yes - Thorn, Chinawhite isn't 'trendy'! It's irredeemably naff. Admittedly I haven't been there, but anyplace that Sophie Anderton and footballers and Natashas frequent is rubbish obviously.
quote:Originally posted by vikram: Thorn, is there anyone in this city you don't regard as a 'trendy wannabe'?
I saw this one guy eating pizza out of a bin in Picadilly Circus once, so he'd probably make it onto the list. Although that was five or six years ago. He may have bought an iPod since then, or visited a bar recommended by *wallpaper or worn a pair of shoes with the name of the manufacturer visible, or tripped up in some other way.
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There's not really any confusion about what a trendy wannabe is, is there? You either follow trends and aspire to be more like your peers or you don't.
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I don't know where I'd fall on the scale. Trendy Wannabe I'd have thought. I mean I do have a desire to fit in, to appear normal and the same as everybody else, so that I just blend into the background. And I do sometimes buy branded things, often because it's simpler than shopping around for unbranded things. So, I suppose I am one.
[ 05.09.2006, 11:11: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
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