I've had a rotten, immovable cold all week and it seems now to have migrated from my head to my joints - honestly, I feel like death and my best guess is that I've somehow contracted the human variant of H5N1.
Who knows if I'll make it through the weekend? I'm going to head home pretty shortly and, once there, will hunker down with some Night Nurse and a copy of Journal of the Plague Year.
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We have a duck nesting in our back garden again, same duck as last year, same nest place only this year there's the fear of bird flu.. So I guess the garden is off limits till she's hatched 'em out...
-------------------- my own brother a god dam shit sucking vampire!!! you wait till mum finds out buddy!
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Good luck Ben. Hope you make it through and don't end up as a dead.
There's a lot of it about, apparently. Kirsty's had a stinking cold all week. I've been desperate not to catch it because I've got a pink ticket for the weekend and intend to break myself in other ways, so I've been sleeping with a sheet over my face to pretect me from her. When she started sniffing in bed I asked if we had any surgical masks in the first aid box. She was totally into the idea of me treating her as the monkey in outbreak or something. That's why she called me a wanker I expect.
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Do you think everyone will start wearing masks on the Tube, and glaring suspiciously at those that aren't? That would be fun. Coughing wretchedly and staggering around between stops could also be fun.
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I don't honestly know how I'd be able to tell whether the people on the tram were suffering from a hideous deadly disease. I mean, most of them are already wretched, yellowy sacks of bone, their faces peppered with sores, their breath drawn in wheezy bursts, sounding like a hairdryer blowing through a bag of gravel. They're like the plague victims in Deus Ex. Most days all I can do is hold up my briefcase as a makeshift barrier, and cover my mouth with my scarf, hunkering at the end of the carriage with all the other suit and overcoat clad commuters cowering from the infected proles.
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I hope we have rifle-toting hygiene police riding the streets on dustcarts - like in Rabid - and that they fucking gun down anyone seen littering the street with KFC cartons or wrappers. About 90% of the litter round us is KFC, which leads me to conclude that the people who get take out from there are sub-human scum who don't deserve to live.
It would actually be worth contracting and dying of bird flu, if only I got to see at least one KFC-eater copping a high-velocity round in the head, then slung into the trash by a crew of decontamination-suited, masked government operatives, the still-warm chunks of breaded chicken spilling from his mouth as his corpse tumbled back into the pitiless robotic maw of the dustcart.
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I'd love to live in a post apocalyptic wasteland. Have a jazzed up armoured transit van full of guns and ammo, and a rag tag posse of survivors, ransacking and looting for a living. One of them will be this attractive yet angry macho woman, like vasquez from Aliens (only more attractive, and maybe japanese), and we'd hate each other at first, but I'll win her over in the end with a combination of incredible heroics and hidden sensitivity. Then we'll have a shag in front of a giant fan, slowly rotating behind a twisted mesh of rusted metal. then we'll fall asleep but when I wake up she's gone, and she's taken my ammo and I knew I shouldn't have trusted that bitch but it turns out that she had to go and find her daughter who she'd never talked about before. But I wouldn't know this, so I'd angrily lead the posse of survivors to some kind of hallowed fortress but it all goes wrong and we're attacked, and I think we're done for, but right at the last minute the chick tuns up with her daughter and a fucking minigun or something, and blows all the infected people away, and then the three of us hit the road.
so basically during the course of the film, the chick turns from this badass lone wolf to a devoted mother and wife.
[ 07.04.2006, 06:39: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
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I love the term minigun, mainly beacause the first time I saw it on a screen I thought it said 'minguin' which I thought was an excellent type of bird.
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That was lovely, Benway. However, I'd prefer to read stories of couples being machine gunned into squishy bits right now. Is there a place for this in your post-apocalyptic wasteland?
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I was in a crowd this week and I heard two young lads talking about the soon-to-come bird flu mass terror. One said to the other 'we blokes have got nothing to worry about this bird flu thing mate cos only birds get it, innit?' I am not joking. Kids these days, eh?
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sure, because two of the people in the posse are a husband and wife, kind of like the couple in Night of the Living Dead where he tries to be the big man, always questioning my authority because he wants to be the alpha male in front of his slightly sappy and annoying wife. They buy it in the massacre at the end before the chick turns up with the minigun, probably because he tries to nick the van while I'm out defending my crew, but it turns out that there's an infected in the van and the couple get shredded. Actually maybe they do nick the van, and they're driving when the infected pops up, and the chick gets ripped apart in the front seat next the dude who's driving, and this makes him crash into a pile of post apocalyptic scrap metal, and loads of bars and poles are jammed into his body. So, he's still slightly alive, pinned into the seat with the tatters of his annoying wife beside him, and he's puffing his final breaths, and then the infected pops up right in front of him and kind of snarls inches from his face and you'r like uh-oh, the dudes going to buy it. then he does.
eta: actually it might be best if the chick does the stealing and ends up pinned to the seat.
[ 07.04.2006, 06:55: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
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benway devotes a significant amount of time and imagination to entertaining the idea of zombie holocaust. he's really into into it, like really into it. he desperately wants it to be true, more than anything in the world. it's a good thing benway is no good at science
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*delighted spinster cawing* very good, Benway. It would also be good if the infecteds took advantage of predictable couply activities, like holding hands in public, and devised all sorts of cunning zombie-stunts to cut in and bite.
Infecteds, mutants or crazed machines- which would be our worst enemy in post-birdflu Britain?
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Vogon, I know you've refused to watch it on a few occasions, for reasons best known to yourself, but I really do think you should watch War of the Roses this weekend.
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Post apocalyptic situations are gestation periods for new, more collaborative and sensitive societies, and any traits of the old world must be destroyed before the new world can begin. That includes traditional social arrangements (where power is unevenly distributed and gender-centric), and individualism. The main enemies during the purgatory of mankind that is the post apocalyptic wasteland are the greed and pride of the survivors... These will bring mankind truly to brink of oblivion. Only heroic badasses who never turn their backs on their fellow men and women will prevail.
[ 07.04.2006, 07:11: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
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you'll be thankful when I save your ass. You'd be one of those annoying dudes who finds a loved one and go over to them, even though your pals are going "leave her! She's one of them!", but you're transfixed and at the last minutes I'll turn up and blow her head off with my shotgun to prevent her from attacking you, but it's too late, you've been infected. And you'll be all like "you bastard!" and start punching me, but the anger would turn into tears, and then I'd console you, and after than you'd be a badass like me. But you'd probably sacrifice yourself later on, taking one for the team. Maybe there's a bomb we need to detonate to kill a huge number of infected, and you have to stay and hold two wires together to ensure it goes off. I'll be like "COME ON!" and you'll be going "NO...THIS WORLD ISN'T FOR ME... IT'S FOR YOU...SAVE YOURSELVES... SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE!!" and we'd have a wink at each other, and you'd chuck me some kind of keepsake like a picture of the chick who's head I blew off, or a photo of that yacht that you always dreamed of owning.
[ 07.04.2006, 07:18: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
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Benway mate, you want to check out Threads. I reckon that was a bit nearer the money as to what post-apocalyptic Britian would probably be like. Posts: 8657
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surely for the best approximation, simply visit any town centre on a friday night at chucking out time! LOLOlolol just a bit of humour there it's funny because it's true.
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Benway, you can't even survive in Unreal Tournament, how're you going to avoid getting royally pwned in real life?
Let's face it, I've got the smarts and the skills to build something resembling Dead Reckoning out of a few bits of scrap metal and an Austin Alegro, what skills do you have? Accountancy skills? Nobody's even going to have afucking bank account, let alone rely on one yellow faced accountant to solve the world's problems.
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you see, you'd get pwned because you haven't realised that the most important skills aren't being able to headshot and double jump your way through life. The most important survival skills are of the heart.
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i reckon derek would whip all yo bitchass. that muthafucka keepin it real, aint no muthafuckin zombie gonna do him down
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You'd be fodder at best. The infected would be all chasing us and you'd be like "Don't worry everyone, I have skills of the heart" and you'd turn round and be all like "Infecteds, don't try and eat us, we are your brothers, let us get along" and I'd be like "Shit, I'm glad that's not my ass getting handed around by the infecteds".
If you're lucky, I might headshot you as they rend you limb from limb.
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yes, you need it for basic survival but if you want to overcome the meta-obstacle of forming a new society, you need to be a strong leader, sensitive lover, and most of all, you need to be committed to helping and protecting those around you in all areas of life, not just combat. Combat junkies will get punished because they're more likely to go apeshit when the battle is on, revelling in the bloodshed rather than simply doing what's neccesary to protect the whole team. Think about the army captain in Day of the Dead.
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: "I have skills of the heart"
I like to think he'd sing this bit to the theme to Star Trek: Enterprise.
I'd like to think he'd sing it like this;
"I have skills of the heart
Ooooooh Vienna!"
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