I remember when the penny dropped about mortality, when I was a kid. I must have been about 6 or 7 and I was devastated. I realised my Mum and Dad would die one day. Then, even, worse, it occurred to me that =gulp= I would die one day. I had a couple of sleepless nights over that one, I can tell you.
Anyway, I got over it. Absorbed it into my little life. As a teenager I became quite cavalier about the death thing and after I discovered drink and drugs it was like I'd become immortal. I had more than a few near-death experiences thanks to the liquor anna drugs (anna sex muchine)... big deal, right? What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
I outgrew the self-abuse thing and still didn't give a monkey's about the big 'D'. And then I had kids... cliché, I know.
I'm not scared of dying, but I'm worried about my kids dying. I'm also worried about me dying and my kids forgetting about me. I'd fucking hate that, sitting up on my cloud looking down on the teenage masketeers flicking through a photo-album with their mum, them pointing to a picture of me and saying "Who's that, Mum? Who's that old wanker?" and Widow Mask going, "Ummmm... No! Can't remember!" That would be shit.
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Pretty much exactly the same, I'm not bothered about me, I think it's the one last great adventure, who knows what there might be after you do die ? If nothing you won't notice if something then let's hope it's good.
I have sometimes have nightmares about Beckett dying but I think that's the burden of parenthood and reasonably normal.
I accept that I'll be forgotten, everone is eventually.
My only real concern is how much it might hurt, I don't want it to hurt.
-------------------- my own brother a god dam shit sucking vampire!!! you wait till mum finds out buddy!
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I'm not really up for death yet. The idea of not existing doesn't compute, but the thought of knowing that say, this is my last day alive, is quite frightening. It's that pre-death time that scares me, when it's looming so close that life ceases to have much point. I don't want to ever have to go to sleep with a good chance that I'll never wake up again.
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It depends on the quality of the loom, doesn't it? If you had total bodycancer and you were just waiting on a bunch of drips, jacked to fuck on morphine, that's not a lot of laughs. If you had twenty-four hours before you got a muthafuckin' cap in yo ass, you might choose to live it up a bit. Also, being quite hyped and enervated you might find those last few hours quite thrilling. No?
I don't think this word means what you think it means.
I couldn't stomach the idea of knowing how much time I had left. The thought that there were certain albums you wouldn't have time to listen to again, films you'd seen for the last time, friends you'd never share a drink with again; all those tiny reasons to live. I'd crack up. I don't think I could ever do the assisted suicide thing, for that reason.
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That's right - it was in a thread about drinking in the morning, when you said a shot of vodka could make you feel 'enervated', but you meant, like, energetic. It was London that corrected you on that occasion. In fact I think that was the first time I found out what the word really meant - and look: here I am stepping up to the plate, making as though I'm erudite and learned, when really I'm just - as ever - regurgitating other people's work. Oh well. You get an education here, at least.
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quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: That's right - it was in a thread about drinking in the morning, when you said a shot of vodka could make you feel 'enervated', but you meant, like, energetic. It was London that corrected you on that occasion. In fact I think that was the first time I found out what the word really meant - and look: here I am stepping up to the plate, making as though I'm erudite and learned, when really I'm just - as ever - regurgitating other people's work. Oh well. You get an education here, at least.
Ha ha ha!
*serious to camera*
But joking aside, I really did say that, and I've never used the word since. Using words just because they sound right, or because you want to appear clever could land you in very hot water. Just as was seen on that thread all those years ago, and now today, certain words are almost universally misunderstood. And before you think that you can get away with it, just remember: Thorn reads everything. Think I'm joking? Just remember. I used to be a player.
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Here's the thread in question. Embarrassingly for Benway, it's revealed that he had actually been corrected for the same thing previously, and failed to learn from his mistake. Posts: 13758
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quote:Originally posted by Darryn.R: Hey, it's this or back onto banging on about mooncups.
Or warm toddler water.
Maybe you should market your own Moononlinecups that can stem both piss and mimsytrickle.
Mask, interestingly enough, when I was about 6 years old I was contemplating where I came from. Not in a 'how are babies made' kind of way (I remember being confused as to why mummy robots fall in love with daddy robots and let them fire loved up sprem into their womber), but in a 'where did my consciousness, my energy, the thing that made me: me, come from?' and then bouts of insomnia, lying awake and contemplating death. What a fun puberty I went through. The insomnia remained only out of habit I think but more recently I have decided that if I get old, death would be a welcome blessing. I'm sure this is from spending time in an intensive care unit. Passing messages or paperwork onto to people, then glancing to one side slightly to see someone cough up blood or just view what it looks like to see someone die over the longest period. It was my guess that when I get old, it might actually hurt to live. I've seen people with no hips and read their doctors notes briefly and the thought of bones grinding together for a tin of carrots depresses me no end. I'm convinced when I get old, hopefully, if I live a long life, I will look forward to death. So in this way I am comforted at the thought of that. Knowing that when the time comes, I might actually want death.
[ 21.04.2006, 06:13: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: Here's the thread in question. Embarrassingly for Benway, it's revealed that he had actually been corrected for the same thing previously, and failed to learn from his mistake.
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I-I meant to insert 'later in my teens' I'm a little worse for wear benway. But for the purposes of comedy, could we pretend I had pubes at 6 years old. That would be a pretty good thought right now. And boastful.
Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
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Apparently, due to a dodgy gene handout from my Dad, I only have another twenty years left. This is, of course, totally unsubstantiated supposition on the part of my mother, but there's something terribly calming about thinking, mmm, age fifty cut off date. I'd quite like to die the way my Dad did as well, which was single fatal heart attack in his sleep at 6am on a Monday morning. The day before he'd been out climbing trees. Though no-one's quite sure why. I've seen other people tend parents through terminal illness and it's fucking harrowing, I don't think I'd like to be tended through terminal illness.
I've been sick three times this morning. I could be dying now? I wonder.
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Did anyone see Teh Street last night. There was a pleasing focus on the fate of the elderly in today's youngun-obsessed society but the sequence in which Jim Broadbent tried repeatedly to pop his clogs reminded me, rather unfortunately, of that excellent Viz character 'Suicidal Sid'.
I can't decide whether this programme is any good or not. There are some interesting gothic touches (the dialogue of the madmen in the sauna last night, last week's creepy bollard-erection scene) but it felt like there was a big speech missing from the heart of it. McGovern's great strength is allowing the inarticulate to articulate great pain (eg. Albie in Cracker) but you sense he's pulling his punches a bit in this series.
Still. I reckon I'll watch a couple more episodes. Apparently next week Lindsey 'Bianca's Mum' Coulson dresses up as a schoolgirl. So, you know.
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not...
You reached over with your hand and knocked my Jap over
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quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: I-I meant to insert 'later in my teens' I'm a little worse for wear benway. But for the purposes of comedy, could we pretend I had pubes at 6 years old. That would be a pretty good thought right now. And boastful.
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did you know that pregnant women usually vomit small amounts of blood, because the frequent vomiting produces tiny tears in the oesophagus? I didn't... until I watched Crime Scene Investigation!
quote:Originally posted by Darryn.R: I sometimes have nightmares about Beckett dying but I think that's the burden of parenthood and reasonably normal.
I don't have nightmares about my children dying. Mine are more along the lines of them being decapitated in a horrible accident, having to live out the rest of their lives either limbless or disfigured in some other fashion.
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Decapitated without dying? Man, those are some resilient children.
NWODE - i used to have a very similar feeling as a six-year-old. I had this ghastly lonely feeling, as I grasped the ultimate solitude of existence, picturing it in my mind as being like a piece of barley-sugar floating in the infinite void of space. I went into my parents' room for solace, but couldn't find words to express the despair. 'I feel sad', I said.
If death's like being a barley sugar, it's scary.
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quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: did you know that pregnant women usually vomit small amounts of blood, because the frequent vomiting produces tiny tears in the oesophagus?
posted
Fucking hell I feel like death right now. For lunch I could only muster to buy a chicken and mushroom pot noodle. On the upside, I browsed a list of titles and bought myself this:
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: I don't think this word means what you think it means.
When I was fourteen I went out with a girl (once) and when she turned up for the date I told her she looked ravenous. Instead of ravishing. This has the double embarassment value of ravishing being a really pathetic thing to tell someone they look anyway, but then getting it wrong and saying she looked ravenous instead.
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I love your story dang, because it is like a fucked up twist on my tale. I was with a girl in the cinema and instead of saying 'I'm ravenous' and dipping into the popcorn she said 'I'm ravishing'
This also had the double embarrasment because although she was quite pretty, she was stupid as fuck. A girl so dull I didn't even wait with her for her bus to arrive, but it was ok because she was better off killed on the way home.
Also her name was Michelle. You can't go steady with a girl called Michelle when you are called Michael. With this info in mind you'd think I just really dig popcorn wouldn't you?
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
?!
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