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It was with some sense of trepidation that i watched Outnumbered for the first time last night, trying to work out just how closely it would wind up reflecting my actual life next year.
Thing is, I've got no real clue what to expect here. I've never looked after kids, never had a younger sibling. I realised the other day that the first time I hold a newborn baby, it'll probably be my own. So other than people laughing and saying 'Haha sleepless nights', I don't have any idea what a kid arriving in your life might actually be like. I know a few people on here havem and I wondered if they might like to share their experience of it. What am I in for, exactly, at the various stages?
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I'm not going to kid you dude, it's a lot of work. Sleepless nights. Dirty diapers. And god, the crying! But it has its rewards of course. Holding your first child for the first time is priceless.
My wife is due 12/19 of this year. Any day now really. Oh god...the crying.
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I don't really care for the first six months or so...not a lot of reward...an infant is just so needy...not a lot of personality. But once they start walking and talking and start becoming little actual humans it's pretty cool. My current youngest is in my favorite stage right now...he'll be three in February and he's just so full of wonder and joy...breaks my heart sometimes that eventually he'll grow to realize that life can be pretty shitty. But I digress...
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quote:Originally posted by ralph: I'm not going to kid you dude, it's a lot of work. Sleepless nights. Dirty diapers. And god, the crying! But it has its rewards of course. Holding your first child for the first time is priceless.
Interesting. I guess I can hold my child for the first time and then just... get rid of it. Seems pointless keeping it around after I've had my fun.
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We were reminiscing just the other day about the soft spot newborn babies have on their heads before the skull meshes properly. That's pretty freaky, and often not mentioned.
Later on, put up lots of high shelves and put pretty much all of your belonging on them. Total destruction otherwise, especially when they're teething and start trying to eat everything.
Uh. Crying? Yeah, been covered. Switching the hoover on shuts them up sometimes, or going for a walk with them in a buggy. But nothing is guaranteed, except maybe the mother's milk direct from source, so make sure mother and baby are never separated for even a second.
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quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: Interesting. I guess I can hold my child for the first time and then just... get rid of it. Seems pointless keeping it around after I've had my fun.
There's more fun to be had...but it takes a while. Just hang in there or make sure nobody's around when you decide to drop it off on someones doorstep in a basket.
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We never really have that much crying in our house, at least not for extended periods of time, because we give in to the tiny dictator's little wishes (and I stay close to her most of the time).
Although I had lots of experiences w/toddlers and up, the first time I ever held a newborn was my own. For the first few days, I wouldn't pick her up, but would have froopy hand her to me. I soon got over the fear I would break her and made the other mothers gasp in horror when I slung her about like a sack of potatoes (the way she liked it).
We are past the six month mark w/our second and now have sleepless nights again after having a pretty good sleeping baby from 6 weeks to about four months.
Once they start talking, it is all smooth(er) sailing and very much worth it!
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quote:Originally posted by dang65: Uh. Crying? Yeah, been covered. Switching the hoover on shuts them up sometimes, or going for a walk with them in a buggy.
I'm told that I wouldn't shut up crying until my dad took me out for a drive in the car. There was obviously something about the hopeless drone of a Morris Ital's 1.3 litre engine that settled me right down. You wouldn't get away with that sort of needless environmental vandalism these days though. You'd have to record the sound of a crap engine on to an iPod, plug that into the baby's ears and kick its moses basket every few minutes between frags, to make it feel like it's in motion. Reckon you could cope with that no trouble. Also - get some decent closed-back headphones that will allow you to game without interruption.
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Only once have I had to look after a baby. It was Kellifer's little brother at the age of six months (christ - he's just started secondary school this year). He slept with his eyes slightly open. It was fucking creepy as hell. I kept thinking he was about to die.
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The process of becoming a new parent is like being hit in the head repeatedly with a brick for the first few months. Then it gets better, partly because you'll be so numb from sleep deprivation you won't notice the bludgeoning so much.
The good news is that, with the premature aging brought on by lack of sleep, your senses will start to blunt somewhat, so the piercing cries become increasingly less of a problem.
-------------------- Give 'em .0139 fathoms and they'll take 80 chains. Posts: 3201
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if my mom couldn't get me to sleep, she'd drive me around in the car. My grandfatherr used to rub my back to get me to fall asleep, which still works.
I helped raise my little brother, who is ten years younger. It was...interesting. Babies do cry quite a bit, but their cries sound different at various ages. Newborn cries are probably the sweetest sounding. What I've always thought was kind of...um...icky, is the still attached umbilical cord. All purply black and shriveled. Ew.
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If you get bored, you can just take a trip to Nebraska at any time and leave the child there.
There's no upper age limit for that either! One guy left seven kids there between the ages of 1 and 17. It's great. It's like taking your unwanted christmas presents to Oxfam.
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Talking of kids, I keep getting text messages from a school saying "Your daughter Kayleigh Davidson was absent from registration this morning". Either they have the wrong number, or they know something I don't...
Unfortunately I don't know which school these messages are coming from, and there's no area code on the phone number they supplied, so I can't let them know they have the wrong number.
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H1ppychick
We all prisoners, chickee-baby. We all locked in.
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Erm, text them back?
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I bet Kayleigh is a hott 17 year old and she's bunking off school to smoke fags and have sex with her 23 year old boyfriend who she thinks is romantic because he buys her cans of stella and then touches her up in hs car.
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Beckett is 4 and that's ace, he's mental and claims to be drunk a lot while in shops, talks about his fictional girlfriend with whom he will build a house and occasionally swears like a docker..
Millie is 1 and into, onto and eating everything in sight so it's a constant game of "where's the baby" which usually means she's slipped a stairgate and is now somehow on the third floor near on open window holding a knife (even though 2 seconds ago she was playing in her playpen)
Summer is almost 13 - She's a grown up and spends her time on messenger or watching X Factor while looking at me like I'm an old fart and asking for expensive stuff she won't look after..
Our experience was pretty blissful, apart from the occasional cold, colic or dose of the shits. Tiny babies are a bit boring, but they soon come into their own. Once they're walking and talking they're massively entertaining.
There may actually be another Masketeer in the pipeline. To coin a phrase.
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Also, I think I first gave this piece of fabulous wisdom to jonesy...
CHOICE IS THE ENEMY OF HARMONY
You don't need to worry about this for a while, but... in the future... if you want to get them out of the house in a timely fashion, don't open the drawer and ask them which t-shirt they want to wear. If you want to maintain your sanity at meal times, don't open the fridge and ask them what they'd like to eat. Give them the red t-shirt. Boil them an egg.
quote:Originally posted by Darryn.R: Beckett .. occasionally swears like a docker..
Lol, I can vouch for that, you haven't laughed until you've seen a small child happily swearing like a trooper
I think the first newborn I ever held was probably my youngest nephew about 10 years ago, terrifying at first because they seem so tiny in your big, clumsy hands, but once you get used to the idea it's fine.
Thorn apparently you need to be prepared to regularly be covered in vomit, wee and various different (and occasionally slightly alarming) colours of baby poo. Although I'm happy to say I only have this one on say-so for now..
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quote:Originally posted by Darryn.R: Summer is almost 13 - She's a grown up and spends her time on messenger or watching X Factor while looking at me like I'm an old fart
Which brings a question to mind, looking forward perhaps a year or five: when will the first second generation forumite arrive? And who will it be? Dang's? Mask's? Darryn's?
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Felix is currently 8 months (nearly nine months) and, after a slight period of not really sleeping much, he has returned to his pattern of sleeping through the night. He's at the stage of crawling, which is a bit like the scene in poltergeist where the mum turns her back for second, and the chairs are suddenly all stacked up in an elaborate set up - watch him crawl and he seems so clumsy and slow, take your eyes off him for a moment, and he is tugging at wires, pulling books off the shelf and making a break for freedom. He is fantastic and has been great fun for some time - each new little character development simply floors me, and I love spending time with him.
Having kids is fantastic, and, not just holding them for the first time, but every first time is great, as is every time you comfort them, or they hug you.
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quote:Originally posted by rooster: when will the first second generation forumite arrive? And who will it be? Dang's? Mask's? Darryn's?
My number one son, even though he's good looking, fit, has a car, a job and has left home, has never had an official girlfriend. He's got girls who are friends, and he did go out with one girl on a date once, but no romantic attachments, unless he's keeping her extrememly well hidden. Maybe he's just spoiled for choice. Sad thing is, he's 18 and I don't even know if he's done it with a girl yet. He must have, mustn't he. I mean, even I had done it with a girl by that age.
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"Alright mum, guess what! I had sex for the first time today!"
"You did what? Just you wait until your father gets home!
"..."
------------------
"You'll never guess what our eldest said today? He only flippin said he'd had sex for the first time"
"crumbs, ok dear I'll have a word with him"
Dang slinks up the stairs, feeling very proud of his son. 'Nice one fella' he thinks to himself. 'The G genes have still got it' He pops his head round the door and his eldest son is lying on the bed, reading a copy of the NME and listening to some fashionable indie bands on his ipod
"I think you've got something to say, haven't you son?"
Dangs son pulls out the headphones, puts down the magazine and pulls a very sheepish look
"I had sex for the first time today dad"
Dang punches the air "Nice one son. I tell you what, let's go down the pub and I'll get the drinks in. Come on, get up and we'll go straight out"
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To be fair, just because he doesn't have any romantic commitments, doesn't mean he's not going balls-deep in hott teenage poon every night of the week. Not to mention doing any number of recreational drugs. Hell I wouldn't be surprised if, right this second, he's doing a line off a pert 17 year old breast...
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