I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight... razor... and surviving. Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
thehorrorlol
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
I made a teenage girl cry this morning. Proper, blubbing, mascara pouring down her face crying. Feel a bit shitty about that.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
Did you show her the crippler?
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: I made a teenage girl cry this morning. Proper, blubbing, mascara pouring down her face crying. Feel a bit shitty about that.
Tell me more, I'm strangely intrigued...
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
Telly Savalas has let himself go...
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Last week a cat - without tag or identification - died in the driveway of the office. This morning I was first in, only to find a Lost Cat! note posted through the letterbox. So I had to give the number a call. It went about as well as you'd expect me handling such a call to go. I told her we had her cat, could she please come round and collect it, after all this is a place of work, not a bloody animal sanctuary. She apologised, but sounded pretty excited and happy. Turned up a few minutes later. "It's in the driveway, under the tartan rug!" I shouted through the door, not looking up from the imdb thread I was reading. Then: tears, screaming. Honestly - she should have been grateful I even bothered to call.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Aces!
What is it with you and cats? Anyone else... zip. Yet, Thorn... breaking the news of a dead cat... solid gold.
Posted by Lilo (Member # 8247) on :
I made a seventeen year old cry on Saturday night! It was my sister's 18th party, at my house, and I found this girl in MY BATHROOM with the LIGHTS OFF and A BOY. I told her to get the fuck out of my bathroom and if she wanted to act like a little slut she could get the fuck out of my house too.
I felt very old that night.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Lilo: I found this girl in MY BATHROOM with the LIGHTS OFF and A BOY. I told her to get the fuck out of my bathroom and if she wanted to act like a little slut she could get the fuck out of my house too.
That's pretty harsh.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
I would never throw a seventeen year old girl out of my house for behaving like a slut.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
If you really wanted them out of your bathroom without looking like a total squaroid, you could've just pulled down your kecks, said "Don't mind me!" and done a shit.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
is it illegal to reminisce in my own head about sexy moments enjoyed at parties between the ages of 12 - 15?
Posted by Lilo (Member # 8247) on :
It was harsh, I know. But it was two in the morning and I was tired of trying to be 'cool big sister' and just wanted everyone to go home so I could start clearing away the three hundred empty Fosters cans in my hallway/living room/kitchen/garden.
And anyway, I probably did her a favour. I mean. She could have been well on her way to teenage pregnancy by now if I hadn't put a stop to their bathroom antics....
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
wouldn't that depend if they were standing up and leaning against the towel rail or not? And if the towel rail was on. These things all have a sway on conception.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
Wouldn't the towel rail make her likely to get pregnant as it would heat up the sperm making it more lively and more able to cane it up her tubes and burrow into the egg.
I'm pretty sure that's accurate from a biological view.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
L7ilo's party sounds like a school disco.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
My friend Chris had a pretty bostin party once. Paul sprayed windowlene on his arse and was found in the corridor moaning that 'my arse is on fire' Someone went around to the gay pub and asked everyone back for a party. Two guys bummed on chris's bed and stole a fiver off his cabinet. Someone put a door through. Those were the days.
[ 19.01.2009, 09:18: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
have you ever fingered anyone?
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Just in case there was any confusion, I'm not the Chris that NWoD is talking about, ok?
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
I have, yes, although the first time I did so I managed to it quite wrong, and she didn't tell me until years later.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
I'm pretty sure I did at Fiona Evan's party and I've felt tits as well.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
quote:Originally posted by Kanye West: I have, yes, although the first time I did so I managed to it quite wrong, and she didn't tell me until years later.
How do you do it wrong? I can understand how it can be done in a way that isn't satisfying to a woman, but how do you actually do it wrong?
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
there was shit everywhere... deeply embarrassin.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Just in case there was any confusion, I'm not the Chris that NWoD is talking about, ok?
This is true. Only Ringo does the bumming in his bed.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by McDirts: have you ever fingered anyone?
Not yet. What's it like?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I don't want to get it wrong like Jimmy, so if CiH can give us a brief outline on how to do it right that would be great pls thx.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay:
quote:Originally posted by McDirts: have you ever fingered anyone?
Not yet. What's it like?
erm, yeah, it's alright, yeah, pretty sexy. I'd give it 7 out of 10.
[ 19.01.2009, 09:48: Message edited by: McDirts ]
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cherry In Hove:
quote:Originally posted by Kanye West: I have, yes, although the first time I did so I managed to it quite wrong, and she didn't tell me until years later.
How do you do it wrong? I can understand how it can be done in a way that isn't satisfying to a woman, but how do you actually do it wrong?
Well, in my case, I took a wrong turn.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
oof! That's called the Urethra Franklin'
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
you fingered yourself?
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
I massaged her anus, thinking that I was fingering her. At least, that's what she told me. You have to remember, I was like 12, totally pissed, and doing it while she still had her jeans on. But still. An embarrassing error.
eta: not 12, sorry. 13.
[ 19.01.2009, 10:00: Message edited by: Kanye West ]
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
have you gone any further since then? Felt tits? licked anyone out, that sort of thing?
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Is that really an embarrassing error? I fingered a couple of girls when I was a teenager, but I was in my twenties before I plucked up the nerve to stick things up a girl's ass. I mean... that's beyond a home run, surely? Mostly you get banging a chick out the way before you're sticking things up her ass; sometimes you never reach that level of intimacy. Congrats for going nuclear at the age of 12. Respect.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
I'm with Thorn, it was ages before I realised that wanting to touch a girl's balloon knot was actually ok let alone totally awesome.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
soetimes you get a bit of shit on your fingers though. I don't like that.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
That's not an awfully mature attitude you've got there, McDirts
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
If you play with asses, you get brnwed.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
You people sicken me.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
there's nothing sexy about the stench of excrement.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Kanye West: there's nothing sexy about the stench of excrement.
Unless it's your own excrement... on a screaming woman.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
obviously.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask:
quote:Originally posted by Kanye West: there's nothing sexy about the stench of excrement.
Unless it's your own excrement... on a screaming woman.
Don't stop
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
another successful day at TMO HQ.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
iS THAT bARRACK oBAMA?
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by McDirts: iS THAT bARRACK oBAMA?
More or less.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif)
