Shit is wack. Cold sweating through the night, chugging that lemsip like so many mexican eggs. I'm probably going to have to stop at home tonight, and that's burnin me for forty big ones! (pounds). What the fuck, right?
Has anybody else got a cold? Anybody else illin'? I need my mamma!
[ 10.02.2009, 07:01: Message edited by: Kanye West ]
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
would any of the females on the board like to offer me some love? Some support?
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
you people are animals.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
I've got a bit of a nose and a bit of a throat. Battling on, though. Tea and fags.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
My guts are messing me about a bit. Really churning, feeling sick, having massive toilet moments. Not a good scene.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
That's not a scene I'm into, I must say.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
No it's pretty heavy
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
At the risk of being pedantic, Kanye, if you were 'illin' in early 80's hip hop speak you'd actually be alright, good, even. Tchoh, you're the kind of idiot who'd spell zylophone wrong and then carry on as if nothing had happened.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
I don't catch colds. Does anyone else not catch colds? I'm expecting to die of a common cold one day when I actually do catch one.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
I don't catch cold either. I put it down to regularly taking cod liver oil for the past 16 years. Changed my life that stuff has.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
I very rarely catch one, but when I do, I don't die. So, really, I'll probably live for ever.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
mcdirts,
Thanks for your note, sorry for not getting back to you sooner. This blasted illness is draining my will and ability to communicate. Anyway, I wanted to thank you for you recent comments on my recent post on a recent thread re: illness ("Argh! I've got a cold."). Specifically, you identified that I'd misused the phrase illin'. I thought it only polite to expand on this. Louise (who sends her love and thanks you for helping her with her CV) and I often use the phrase illin' in this incorrect way when communicating health complications to each other. For us, the mis-appropriation is humorous. Looking back at my previous post, I can see how readers who aren't as intimately involved in our relationship as we are might think that I've accidentally mis-used the phrase. I just wanted to clear this up, and to assure you and other readers that any garbled golden-age hip hop vernacular on my part was entire deliberate, albeit, poorly contextualised. I thank you for taking the time to communicate your concerns to me, and I will double my efforts to prevent these anomalies from slipping through in the future. Thanks.
Thanks again.
Steve
[ 11.02.2009, 05:22: Message edited by: Kanye West ]
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
quote:Originally posted by dang65: I don't catch colds. Does anyone else not catch colds? I'm expecting to die of a common cold one day when I actually do catch one.
happy 8000 posts, dang-erous.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
quote:Originally posted by Kanye West: mcdirts,
Thanks for your note, sorry for not getting back to you sooner. This blasted illness is draining my will and ability to communicate. Anyway, I wanted to thank you for you recent comments on my recent post on a recent thread re: illness ("Argh! I've got a cold."). Specifically, you identified that I'd misused the phrase illin'. I thought it only polite to expand on this. Louise (who sends her love and thanks you for helping her with her CV) and I often use the phrase illin' in this incorrect way when communicating health complications to each other. For us, the mis-appropriation is humorous. Looking back at my previous post, I can see how readers who aren't as intimately involved in our relationship as we are might think that I've accidentally mis-used the phrase. I just wanted to clear this up, and to assure you and other readers that any garbled golden-age hip hop vernacular on my part was entire deliberate, albeit, poorly contextualised. I thank you for taking the time to communicate your concerns to me, and I will double my efforts to prevent these anomalies from slipping through in the future. Thanks.
Thanks again.
Steve
it kind of breaks the magic when you sign off with 'Steve'. But I accept your point, even if it is kind of wack.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
you're kind of (a lot) wack.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
anyway, I'm still ill. fitful sleep. Dragged myself into work today, only to discover that nobody else is here. Can't concentrate at all on any of this work bullshit.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
your moms is wack.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
exciting news though, I saw a man about another tattoo yesterday and he's got the source image and he's going to work something up and then my whole inner arm is going to get done. I know how interested everybody is in what goes on in my life, what I think about this and that, and what kind of choices I make, so I'm just keeping readers up to date.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
quote:Originally posted by McDirts: your moms is wack.
step to, and you'll get dropped.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
my brother just 'became a fan of' a porn star on facebook
More news as we get it.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
finding out you have abrother is news to me.
I have one too. And a sister.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
yes I've got a brother. He is two and a half years younger than me. Lives up north. A fan of porn, I presume.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
live and learn. you always struck me as an only child.
my sister lives in the south and I haven't spoken to her for about four years. bad blood.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
why would i be an only child? Is it because I'm spoilt and needy, arrogant and moody?
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by Kanye West: my brother just 'became a fan of' a porn star on facebook
More news as we get it.
There was a good update from CiH's sister a few days back when she mentioned that she had just finished kneading her breasts or somesuch. I was going to write something along the lines of 'Need any help with that' and then I thought it was a teensy-weensy bit creepy, especially as I don't really know her that well. So instead I've posted about it on here, which still feels a bit wrong, but not quite as bad. Even so, I should probably delete this rather than hit add reply. I'll take a couple of minutes to mull it over.
[ 11.02.2009, 06:04: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
Back to topic, I had a little cold last week. Just a sore throat for one night and one day, then it kind of petered out, left me with an occasional cough and a slightly snottier than usual nose.
Overall I'm pretty happy with the way it played out.
Anyway, going back off topic for a moment, what's the deal with the different usernames. I'm assuming you're using different computers?
So like, Kanye West = Home desktop PC Jimmy Bignuts = Laptop McDirts = Work PC
??
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
For some reason I always assumed that Benway was the younger brother. It's interesting now to think of him as an older sibling. How his younger brother probably looks up to him, and looks to Benway to show him how to live. How Benway is probably fiercely protective of him, offer him advice whenever he needs it and probably goes through life with a constant awareness that he needs to set an admirable example for his younger sibling.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tilde: So like, Kanye West = Home desktop PC Jimmy Bignuts = Laptop McDirts = Work PC
??
Yes, it makes perfect sense that he would be able to swap between his home desktop PC and his work PC.
No don't just be sorry! Think! For one fucking second! You're posting through here all 'tadadadadaaa'! It's fucking distracting!
[ 11.02.2009, 06:11: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tilde: Kanye West = Home desktop PC Jimmy Bignuts = Laptop McDirts = Work PC ??
You forgot:
Suckmonster = mobile phone
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
yes, it's like that, only, I don't really have anything to do with him, we don't really get on, and when we are forced into the same place we tend to try and ignore each other. Communication is usually just a series of sarcastic, cutting remarks, as is the way with my family. I don't really know anything about him, other than that he now goes by his middle name, he likes photography and porn stars, and went through many of the same emotional disturbances as I did due to the same high levels of drug taking during the 16 - 25 years.
[ 11.02.2009, 06:14: Message edited by: Kanye West ]
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
I am my own man
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
oops wrong login
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
@thorn davis: He could have two desktop PC's at home - one for work and one for play.
Anyway I know that's not the case, how many aliases does "steve" have. So far I got
Jimmy Bignuts Kanye West Dr. Benway
I just think maybe it's time to clear it up. It might be confusing for newcomers.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by Kanye West: yes, it's like that, only, I don't really have anything to do with him, we don't really get on, and when we are forced into the same place we tend to try and ignore each other. Communication is usually just a series of sarcastic, cutting remarks, as is the way with my family. I don't really know anything about him, other than that he now goes by his middle name, he likes photography and porn stars, and went through many of the same emotional disturbances as I did due to the same high levels of drug taking during the 16 - 25 years.
But all that's probably tempered with the tremendous sense of respect and admiration that he has for you, and the profound level of caring that you have for him, right? And even when you're not talking to each other you're still both aware of an unbreakable bond forged by shared experiences like the time he saw a dead fox in the woods and some bigger boys were ridiculing him for it and you came and made them fuck off, and maybe you had a go at him for being weak but only because you knew it would be bad for him to keep showing his sensitivity? That kind of thing?
I mean, it may seem like you're alienated from each other, but presumably there'll be a big family event like Christmas or a wedding where all the shit comes out and it looks like the old wounds will never heal, until all the crap has been thrown and you realise that all that's left is a filial love and respect that was always there, even though you couldn't see it under all the garbage? Yeah?
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
Hmm, not really. No.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
No, Steve's right, we have nothing but contempt for one another.
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
lol
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
lol
welcome deep freeze
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
anyone know the image url to the larry ferrari playing the organ welcome thingy?
Interesting fact -- I just last night found out that my father-in-law once played a gig with Larry Ferrari.
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
welcome? Welcome? I've been here since '95.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
lol. so you have. my bad, Steve.
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
That's grand about your father-in-law, ralph.
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
chris brown, eh? I always knew it. I said to them, when he was picking up his Grammy. I said, look into his eyes. Tell me there isn't some tragedy behind that glass. Tell me that his girl, whoever she may be, isn't going to feel pain at his hand. And they wouldn't listen. They said I was a fool, that I was crazy, and that I should shut the hell up and sit the hell down. That I was just jealous, hating on a brother because it was his turn in the spotlight, and that mine was gone. I tried to warn them. Well. Now riri is all messed up. That beautiful face, all punched out of line. Probably never look the same again. She's lying in a hospital bed, hurting real bad, and I saw it coming, and I told them. It's that darkness, that family pain that I could see behind his eyes. You can't hide that family pain. It gets passed on, father to son, mother to daughter, and lays there. It lays there like a cat, waiting. Very very still. You may not even see it unless you look for it. But I saw it, and I warned them. And I tell them now, that it's all on them. It's all on them, because I told them to watch out for this boy, and they wouldn't listen. If I wasn't so sad for the girl, I'd be saying 'I told you so' right about now. A sad, sad story.
[ 11.02.2009, 06:58: Message edited by: Deep Freeze ]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
thanks mart.
it is grand, isn't it? I can't wait to talk to him about Larry...if I hear anything interesting I'll be sure and share it with you.
Posted by Ponder (Member # 859) on :
who's chris brown???
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
how many aliases has he got?
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
this some next level shit yo, shit is freaky round here.
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
rnb star? 19 years old? Did 'Kiss Kiss'? Blew up a couple of years ago? Millionaire? Clean cut image? Punched the fuck out of Rhianna? No? No? Black fella? Urban clothes? Tattoos? Appearances on Good Morning America? Topped the charts? No? You don't remember? No? Whatever.
Posted by Ponder (Member # 859) on :
not ringing any bells, no.
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
Lord above.
Posted by Ponder (Member # 859) on :
pardon me for not being an avid follower of pop culture.
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
Not Neat Chris Brown? Black lad? Used to hang around outside Dillons after school but never really caused any bother? Hates women? Used to hum and whistle a lot? I never knew he was musical. Well, there you go.
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
That's the one. Always clicking and popping with his tongue, shuffling around like he'd shat himself.
Posted by Ponder (Member # 859) on :
Isn't that Barrack Obama?
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
Ooh. Oh dear. That's a shame. Bit awkward now. I might go and look at another thread.
Posted by Ponder (Member # 859) on :
Sorry man.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
thinking about it, he still owes me £4.49 for a bottle of Red Lable Thunderbird I got him in '92.
Posted by Ponder (Member # 859) on :
I'd kill my own mother for a bottle of that yo. If I hadn't already killed her for a bottle of kiwi md 20/20. Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
christ Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
This has descended into farce
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
it began as farce. not sure what it's descended into...
[ 11.02.2009, 07:24: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
racism.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
'cause someone mistook one black man for another? that's considered racism where you come from?
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
there are RACISTS here...?
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
Let's all take a deep breath and stop being racists for a second.
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
so far I've identified the following racists:
ralph
ponder
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
Are there any more?? What do we do with Ralph and Ponder? Do we gas them? Call the po-lees? Lynch the crackers? Shit, shit is real out here yo.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Dr Benway once punched a baby because its mother was black.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
so that makes him a racist?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
racism, against blacks at least, will never end until they admit three things:
OJ did it
Rodney King deserved to have the crap beat out of him
Rosa Parks didn't do anything except sit her tired ass down
[ 11.02.2009, 08:00: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
I don't think that's going to end racism against blacks, is it now Ralph?
shakes head sorrowfully at Ralph forgetting we're all God's children underneath Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
'they?'
Good lord
Ralph - Grand Wizard Racist
Ponder - ill-educated child racist
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Deep Freeze: [QB] 'they?'
What's wrong with 'they'?
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
looks what happens when people start bringing racism to the party. It goes all sour, like nun batter.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
McDirts brings racism to a party like shotguns at a KKK rally.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
There's only one time racism is OK. When it's done in an Irish accent. People don't get mad at the Irish for saying terrible things. They just shake their collective heads and say 'oh those silly micks'
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
oh sure, I've dabbled in the past, maybe even flirted with fascism, but only cos Bowie did, no way can you lump me in with the likes of ol' peckerwood Ralph and his Aryan Wolves Militia. Uhnn uh.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Imagine if the Nazis were Irish instead of German. Maybe the BBC should do a sort of spinoff called Alroight Alroight? with Dylan Moran as a sort of boozy general trying to outfox the pesky British.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
Well, the Irish did an awful lot to help the Nazis during WWII. Maybe they were the real brains behind Nazism in the '30's? And then got away with it by acting like it was some poorly thought out 'craic' that descended into farce and, eventual horrific tragedy. Tchoh, those lovable micks!
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Michael Richards is a freemason.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
oh shit! Check it out, I feel even worse today! I went to the doctors to get something to help me sleep because I can't sleep and he's like whats up son and I'm like you know, i got this cold, and he's like you look pretty rough, son, and i'm like yeah just give me the frikkin pills alright, god come on, and he's like yeah i will yeah, but can i just check you out and i'm like damn mr doctor, you a player, and he's like not check you out like that you stupid asshole, i mean in a medical way so i'm like sure, i guess, and then he's like shit dude you better sit your ass down, so i do and i'm like yo whats the word on my health and he's like hold tight son, you got that AIDS shit and I'm like daaaaaaym.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
that's exactly how it went. Exactly.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Hey man! I went to the Doctor today too! We can be the doctor gang! I'll work out a special handshake.
Last time I went to the doctor's was about 13 years ago, so I couldn't really remember what to expect. Plus the thing I was going in for was the fact that I, like, throw up every morning and have done for the last few months. At first I joked nthat it was sympathetic morning sickness, and then I started to think that maybe if you keep throwing up every morning, and you're not pregnant - and can't be because you're a dude - then maybe that was a sign that something had gone badly wrong. And then my hearing went in my left ear, and then my left eye swelled up and stuck shut and it sort of seemed a bit like my body was shutting down and I wondered how long I could blithely continue my policy of never going to the doctor. Apparently the eye and ear thing are symptoms of my cold, and the puking thing is stress-related. I thought it couldn't be as, while I was kind of wigging out towards the end of last year, I feel a bit more settled in now. He said, yeah that's how it works, though, that I was gutfucked when I was stress and because there's always acid in the stomach, it's not getting a chance to heal so take these and you'll "miraculously feel better. Your whole quality of life will improve". Those were his exact words and that's really what you want to hear when you go to the doctor's, especially as I was worried that I had stomach cancer, or a brain parasite, or both.
Sorry about the AIDS Benway - but you can console yourself with the knowledge that things worked out well for me.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
daaaaaaym you got that acid redux shit.
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
You best change the title of this thread then. I've jotted down some ideas below. So you can concentrate on getting better.
Argh! I've got the hiv
Oh cock
Hookers, eh?
Thats all I've got for now but its a start!
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
but yeah the AIDS diagnosis is pretty devastating for all of us. The thing that many people don't realise, it's not just me who suffers, but all of my family and loved ones. It's a tough time for us all, and we have to support each other more than ever. In many ways, it's going to bring us all closer to together, and we'll find ourselves saying the things that otherwise we may have never said. Luckily, there are many charities and groups out there who can help us to deal with the situation, and shoulder some of the burden. While it's obviously a frightening time, I'm trying to stay positive, and be thankful for the things I do have.
I'm just going to take one day at a time, take things easy, and keep smiling. After all, if you can't laugh about it, you may as well be dead already. And the funny thing is, since my diagnosis this morning, I feel more alive than ever
[ 12.02.2009, 10:09: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
quote:Originally posted by squeegy: You best change the title of this thread then. I've jotted down some ideas below. So you can concentrate on getting better.
Argh! I've got the hiv
Oh cock
Hookers, eh?
Thats all I've got for now but its a start!
I got my AIDS from a bad blood transfusion in the 80s, after I had an accident on the Back the Future Ride at Universal Studios. It's been dormant for while, and has only gone full blown in the last couple of months. Some of you may want to get yourselves checked out. Ringo especially.
[ 12.02.2009, 10:15: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I don't want any special treatment though, and I hope we can all carry on as normal. Remember - you can't catch AIDS over the internet!
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: you can't catch AIDS over the internet!
sure you can't. they used to think xrays were safe for pregnant women, too.
puts AIDS-riddled Benway on ignore Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
true fact - my mother worked with high doses of radiation the whole time she was pregnant with me. If you've ever seen me naked, then this probably doesn't come as a surprise. Eh ringo?
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
get off our forum AIDS boy. my wife uses this bored and she is pregnant WTF gives u the rite to put her and our unborn child at risk? i don't want my chile 2 b victim to your ungodly pervertsions.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
how can you be so ignorant about AIDS!!! You cant catch AIDS over the computer, you probably think that VIRUSES that people get and ones that computers get are the same, well they are NOT!!! You need to get an edication about SCEIENCE and LIFE!!! So just shut the HELL UP!!! ps I hope that u get AIDS too and then you wont be LAIGHING!
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: true fact - my mother worked with high doses of radiation the whole time she was pregnant with me. If you've ever seen me naked, then this probably doesn't come as a surprise. Eh ringo?
When I first saw that, I thought you were wearing baggy brown long-johns. Hideous.
Sorry about the aids mate.
ETA: not, like, sorry because I gave him the aids lol. Just wanted to clear that up in case anyone got the wrong end of the stick
[ 12.02.2009, 10:41: Message edited by: Ringo ]
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
lol thanks
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
actually can I just say seriously, that I hope that thorn gets AIDS.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Sadly, you're not the first person on this board to say that. Probably won't be the last, either.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
yes, but in the past I think people have been joking around. I'm actually saying that I really hope you get AIDS.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
If we've learnt anything from Jade Goody, it's that if enough people will it, you can manifest terminal illness in a person.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
are we doing this now?
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I mean, the whole Jade thing - are we going to get into that?
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
So what happened with George W? Just a global lack of focus?
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: I mean, the whole Jade thing - are we going to get into that?
I don't know. Too soon maybe? Best to wait till she actually dies?
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I don't think that George W generates anywhere near the levels of boiling hatred that Goody has conjured throughout the middle classes of Britain.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
It made me sad when it became obvious she was going to die; the fact that alot of people were going to gloat over it. She doesn't seem to be coping very well, either. Poor Jade.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo:
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: I mean, the whole Jade thing - are we going to get into that?
I don't know. Too soon maybe? Best to wait till she actually dies?
I don't know. We've been pretty good at avoiding it so far.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Well now hold on, I'm not gloating about it. Merely an observation. Thousands of people said "I wish she would just die" and now she's going to. My humour was based on the idea that the collective bad will of a whole nation could cause someone to get cancer, not that she deserves it or that it's not awfully tragic.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
Oh ringo.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Hey let's not get into a debate about good/bad taste in humour on a thread where people are laughing about Nazis and AIDS Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
I wasn't accusing you of gloating, Ringo. I just saw the headlines and thought "Oh. Loads of people are going to laugh about that and say she deserves it". She's probably quite aware of it, too. I dunno. It was like it was all this big fun joke, where she got famous and rich for being a fucking idiot, and everyone else ridiculed her, and got to feel superior and everyone got what they wanted from the whole thing and then she got cancer and it was like "hurm, it doesn't seem that funny anymore, now she's stopped putting wine bottles up her clunge and is standing on morning TV crying, holding clumps of her own hair and worrying about who's going to look after her children". And it seemed like there were some people who couldn't deal with the change in tone, and carried on mocking her as if she'd gotten the name of a town wrong, or something else stupid, but it didn't quite work because it'd all gone dark. I suppose, in a way it's her fault the joke's ruined, the selfish bitch.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Hey let's not get into a debate about good/bad taste in humour on a thread where people are laughing about Nazis and AIDS
Listen, you fucking cretin - the difference is that Jade Goody is ACTUALLY DYING whereas the Nazis are just villains invented by Steven Spielberg. GOD!!
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
aids lol
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
Jesus Ringo...
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
what an ***...even by my standards.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
standards lol
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
that's my point! AIDS isn't funny dude. you've crossed the line. you can't come back.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
ringo seems to think he's an edgy alternative shock comedian. Truth is, he's just pathetic.
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: now she's stopped putting wine bottles up her clunge and is standing on morning TV crying, holding clumps of her own hair and worrying about who's going to look after her children".
Actually I think you'll find that Kinga was the one who put the wine bottle up her vagina. Jade was the one who got her kebab out in a game of strip something or other. An expression that shocked the nation although it was later discovered that she was referring to the fold of fat on her midrift.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Well now hold on, I'm not gloating about it. Merely an observation. Thousands of people said "I wish she would just die" and now she's going to. My tumour was based on the idea that the collective bad will of a whole nation could cause someone to get cancer, not that she deserves it or that it's not awfully tragic.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
JAID(s) Good-Die
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: ringo seems to think he's an edgy alternative shock comedian. Truth is, he's just pathetic.
In all seriousness, I've noticed a pretty upsetting trend on TMO where people try and get laughs by being as crude or shocking as they can. I don't know where it started but these people need to grow the fuck up. It's not impressing anyone.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
You're right, it's not on really. I'm sorry everyone.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Maybe we need some more high-brow threads?
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
But I thought the AIDS thread was teh funny. Damn.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
It's not just this thread McDirts. All over TMO you see this kind of juvenile behaviour: jokes about selling cancerous tits for charity, mistaking black babies for monkeys, abortion rom-coms, all that stuff, all written by idiots who think that being crass and being witty are somehow the same thing. It needs to stop.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
And anyone who disagrees is a fucking rapist
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
I agree but I also enjoy a spot of casual rape.... What does this mean?
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
Although, I prefer to call it "surprise sex"
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: And anyone who disagrees is a fucking rapist
You're worse than Mikey with his 'bummers'. Why do you have to use the word 'rapist' as a perjorative?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I think we need some clarity on what bum jokes are allowed:
Things going up them
Things coming out of them
Giant 50 foot paper mache bums
A five part mini-series called Bum Squad, set in space with jokes written by Ade Edmonson
The derogatory term 'bummer' in a Bristol accent
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
female readers, the elderly, and young children will be delighted to learn that my AIDS is subsiding. I've regressed back to being simply HIV+, and I anticipate making a complete recovery by the end of the month. Thanks for all your support up to this point. I believe that together, we can beat AIDS.
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
Apparently if you fuck a virgin it gets rid of AIDS.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
That's a shame. I was looking forward to being able to drop into conversation "My friend died of Aids". I suppose congratulations are in order, but it's a bit selfish of you denying me of the opportunity to kill a conversation.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Man, I bet you'd get loads of fanny if you knew someone who died of AIDS
What's wrong with you, you look very down today?
Oh, I'm feeling pretty low at the moment. My friend died at the weekend.
That's terrible, I'm sorry to hear that. Was it sudden?
No, he'd be battling the AIDS for years. We thought he was doing well but last month he really started to go downhill. It's awful, when you try to be there for someone and you can see them just gradually falling apart. I mean, how do you even comfort someone when you both know they'll be dead within weeks?
You poor thing, you're so brave to deal with that. Here, let me felate it better for you... Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Sorry, CiH, but lol.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Ringo you gormless idiot, that would work with any terminal disease apart from AIDS. Surely the last thing you want to bring up in the opening stages of a seduction is dying slowly and horribly from a sexually transmitted disease. Let alone revealing that you move in circles where people contract such things. Christ.
[ 18.02.2009, 06:52: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Well, I'd have thought that in this day and age people are pretty clued up on the AIDS thing, and a modern girl would just be impressed that you're comfortable talking about such a sensitive issue.
Obviously if she recoiled in horror, you'd have to quickly reassure her that he got the AIDS from a botched blood transfusion.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Yes Ringo it's terminal illness that gets you poon. AIDS gets you a go in a wheel chair, hand pats and free chemotherapy.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Also, with some non-contagious illnesses, you can claim that it's you who's suffering from them. You wouldn't even have to be subtle about it "Come on, I'll be dead in a month. Just put it in your mouth. Oh don't be a selfish c*nt. I'm dying and you're worried about what your husband will think. Yeah, that's it. Open wide. It's the least you can do." Probably won't be the most rewarding blow job ever, but it's all grist etc.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
I bet the PUAs have never tried doing things that way.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Also, it could work the other way. Might be worth cruising round a hospice seeing who wants one last bonk before they die but is too skeletal/ bald/ sore-y to be able to pull in the usual venues.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Again, an approach for the LSS to think about.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
After all, banging drunk 19 year old bank tellers in sparkly dresses must get a bit samey after a while. I imagine the experience would be a bit detatched. If you were nailing someone who knew she only had three weeks to live because of her brain parasite they'd probably be much more in-the-moment. And you'd be doing a good deed. You could claim you were a decent human being, if you were doing that kind of work.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
You also wouldn't need to worry about her getting pregnant
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
I'm getting increasingly annoyed that i didn't think of this when I was single. Could have gotten my numbers way up.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: Could have gotten my numbers way up.
What do you suppose your current number is?
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
No 'suppose' about it. A modest 12.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
That's not too bad. I remember I was dating this girl right after my divorce...a skiiny, aging punk girl. After a hanful of dates we got to talking about this very subject, so I asked her how many partners she had had. She thought about it for an uncomfortably long amount of time and finally looked me in the eyes and said I don't know...maybe 60 or 70. I nearly feel off my chair. I mean, wtf? She was in her early 30's at the time...so assuming she became active at the age of 16, that's roughly 3.5 different men per year. At what point does the word whore enter into things?
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
It depends really on what you count as a partner though doesn't it. There have been loads and loads of girls I've messed around with, to one degree or another, but haven't actually had penetrative sex with. So for me the figure could be in the 20s, or a lot higher. Depending.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
When they do it for money, I think.
I dunno. I'd cheerfully have slept with 70 women if the opportunities had arisen. I just never really got into trying to get laid. I'd always just wait for sex to land on me, without me having to put much effort in, which maybe happens more often for girls than for guys.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: At what point does the word whore enter into things?
About the time she starts taking money for it?
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: It depends really on what you count as a partner though doesn't it. There have been loads and loads of girls I've messed around with, to one degree or another, but haven't actually had penetrative sex with. So for me the figure could be in the 20s, or a lot higher. Depending.
I'm counting only penetrative sex, here. You've got to have a system, or it just descends into chaos.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Vaginal penetration or are we talking any orifice?
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Vaginal or anal, I reckon. I'd say 'vaginal only', but if you banged a chick in the ass without ever going for the crotch then fair play - that almost deserves some kind of bonus score. Blow jobs don't count, everyone knows that. You have to have been allowed access to the most closely guarded orifices. That's what it's all about.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Cherry In Hove:
quote:Originally posted by ralph: At what point does the word whore enter into things?
About the time she starts taking money for it?
Does dinner and a movie count as taking money for it?
I wondered the same thing...if she was just counting guys she messed around with or encounters that involved actual penetration. She was talking penetration. I never bothered to ask what the number would be if we were just talking about messing around.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: Does dinner and a movie count as taking money for it?
No, unless she would exchange sex for dinner and a movie, with literally anyone. In which case the number would probably be higher than 70.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
By a quick count, for me it's 12 that I can remember. Probably more. But it was pretty surprising to think about how many girls I've had very in-depth experiences with, without actually, y'know, fulfilling the criteria.
It does mean I've technically had more cars than women. Not in a sxual way, of course, that would be wrong.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: No, unless she would exchange sex for dinner and a movie, with literally anyone. In which case the number would probably be higher than 70.
I met a few of these guys...after we had stopped dating. I suspect she would have done it with literally anyone. She wasn't a big fan of film though, which is what probably kept her number down.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: it was pretty surprising to think about how many girls I've had very in-depth experiences with, without actually, y'know, fulfilling the criteria.
Regardless of the criteria, I would never be able to include one of the most uncategorisable relationships I've ever had, which was with a girl called Heather at uni. For three years we hung out, skipped lectures to go on drinking benders, went to gigs, exchanged course notes and all the rest of it but never explicitly broached the subject of becoming an item until right at the end of the final year where things culminated in each of us drunkenly confessing that we'd had the hots for the other since day fricken one, but other boyfriends and girlfriends had gotten in the way and then a crazy, heart pounding snog and a promise to work it out in the next few days. I remember running home and writing a note to all my housemates and putting them under people's doors saying "I snogged Heather!!!" The next few days came, and we were sat in a rock club, and I was dead excited (and drunk, obv) at finally being able to sort things out and she said "So what do you think then? What should we do?" and I sat down my drink, thinking 'OK! This is it! This thing that's caused me tears and heartache and yearning for three years is all going to come to a happy ending! I can't believe it!'. So she's sitting there waiting for my verdict and I open my mouth and say "I think we should just stay friends". Her face dropped, mouth open, eyes down, and I just carried on speaking, but with a kind of out-of-body moment where I was simultaneously saying "I can't see this working" and the real me was yelling 'WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING!!!'. Then I finished my drink and went home in a daze. I never really worked out why I did that, except that she always had this entourage of guys trying to get into her knickers and I didn't really want to demean myself by becoming one of them. That's the best explanation I can think of, but mainly I reckon it's Sam Beckett's fault.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Wow Thorn. I was sure that story was going to have a happy ending.
But you did remind me of a story of my own...one that took place way back in the early 80's. I had a huge crush on this girl Lisa during my senior year of High School. I never acted on it, as Lisa (as well as all girls during that awkward period of my life) was out of my league. I figured I'd never see her again after high school, but fate decided otherwise. About four years later, she took a temp job at the company I was working for. All the pain and longing came flooding back and, being four years older and slightly more confident, I asked her out. To my amazement she accepted, and we began seeing eavh other after work a few times a week. After about a month of this, I got a phone call at work. From her future husband. Who told me that if I didn't stop seeing her he'd kill me. Seems she had been having some relationship woes and essentially used me as a (very willing) pawn in her little game of revenge against her boyfriend. So I did what any decent man would do -- after work one night I pounded down a few six packs, drove over to his house, and beat the **** out of him for threatening my life. The judge let me go with a warning, as up to that point in my life I had no other incidents of violence of that nature. Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: Wow Thorn. I was sure that story was going to have a happy ending.
Well, it has a happy ending insofar as I fell in love with someone else and got married. I can't see how a relationship with Heather could have ended in anything other than bitter shame and disaster. It's mainly notable for being a moment where I acted completely against my conscious will, and have never really understood how it happened. It was like some part of me that I've never heard from before or since, woke up and took over to stop me from doing something that would cause me misery in the long run.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: I can't see how a relationship with Heather could have ended in anything other than bitter shame and disaster.
But how do you know for certain? Doesn't not knowing gnaw at your soul every waking moment? You don't have any regrets?
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Regrets? I've had a few.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Name one or stfu.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
I think I've told this on here before, but it's worth retelling
I was 16, in sixth form, and was yet to know the intimate touch of a woman. There was this girl in my form who I thought was painfully hot, and totally out of my league. Hung out with all the cool guys, who doted after her despite the fact she never seemed interested in any of them. Anyway, it was mentioned to me that she had mentioned me to someone, despite the fact we'd hardly ever even spoken to each other. So in a moment of uncharacteristic boldness, I asked her out. Even more shockingly, she agreed.
The next few weeks we spent loads of time together, going to the movies, hanging out with each others' friends, all that jazz. And in school I even enjoyed a patch of minor celebrity among the cool kids.
As I say, at the time I was yet experience my first taste of sex, but I decided that now was the time. I decided to make everything perfect - I made sure my parents would be out, cranked up the heating, set out candles, some soft music. She came over and we spent some time generally making out. I knew it was now or never, so I went for gold and started to unbutton her jeans. She didn't resist. I tentatively slid my hand down into her pants and started to explore. She laid back and stretched out her arms above her, obviously enjoying the moment. After a few minutes of this, I was gaining in confidence, and she was really getting into it. Then I felt something, quite faint at first, but that painfully familiar feeling in my loins. I was about to come. Right there, laying on my bed, my hand in the pants of the hottest girl I had ever met, still wearing my jeans, and I was about to blow it. I tensed up for a moment, tried all I could to stop it, but it was too late, and moments later it was done.
I panicked. In the space of a few short minutes my dream come true had turned into a nightmare. A hot chick expecting me to climb aboard, and there I am with my underpants full of rapidly cooling jizz. She noticed I had frozen.
What's wrong? she asked
I needed to think fast, but in my haste I simply made the situation worse.
I don't think we can do it, I said
I don't have a condom
That's ok, I'm on the pill, we don't need to use one this time
Curses. My one trump card had been rendered useless. Accursed female liberation. So I needed to think of a reason why I couldn't have sex. And the first thing I thought of was AIDS.
Well, you see, this guy I know. He died of AIDS. It was a long time ago and I'm ok about it, but when you've seen someone go through that, it makes you think. I don't want to take any risks. I'm not saying you've got AIDS or anything, I just would rather not risk it..
Suffice to say, she left fairly shortly afterwards. The next day I got a call from her while I was at work. She said she didn't see it working between us, thought it was best if we didn't see each other again.
So yeah, I blew my shot at this hot chick by implying that I thought she might have AIDS. And, I guess, to a lesser extend my messing myself in the pants...
[ 18.02.2009, 08:56: Message edited by: Ringo ]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
We've all been there, Ringo. Anyone who denies it is a liar.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: But how do you know for certain? Doesn't not knowing gnaw at your soul every waking moment? You don't have any regrets?
Yeah, I regret not getting together with her 18 months earlier, when a boozy, chaotic relationship with someone totally unreliable would have fitted my lifestyle extremely well. By the time it all came out, though, we were weeks away from graduating and about to go our separate ways. I spent the next 10 months miserable, stuck at my parents, posting off jornalism applications to That London and it would have been impossible to sustain a relationship in those circumstances. The alternative would have been even worse. Get a flat in a city somewhere just as our relationship was taking its first, faltering steps and hope against all the evidence that we spent our time looking for work rather than getting wasted and listening to Fear Factory.
Of course, 18 months earlier and I'd have missed out on some other relationships, and plenty of nights of simmering dramatic sexual tension with Heather. The more I think about it, the more it seems like it was the first sensible decision I ever made, regarding women.
[ 18.02.2009, 09:01: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: that's roughly 3.5 different men per year
although i do suffer froma virgin/whore complex like many immature men, 3.5 men per year really isn't an extravagant tally is it?
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: We've all been there, Ringo. Anyone who denies it is a liar.
Only happened to me once. I was going down on VP at the time. Shifted my weight causing a slight amount of pressure on my wodgel and Blam! all over the bedsheets.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by vikram: although i do suffer froma virgin/whore complex like many immature men, 3.5 men per year really isn't an extravagant tally is it?
I think it is. But I'm a bit old-fashioned.
Nice to see you again, vikram. Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
quote:Originally posted by ralph: We've all been there, Ringo. Anyone who denies it is a liar.
Only happened to me once. I was going down on VP at the time. Shifted my weight causing a slight amount of pressure on my wodgel and Blam! all over the bedsheets.
I think probably I had been moving my hips around a bit without noticing. I was lying on my stomach at the time.
But hey, it was like 10 years ago and I'm well over the incident.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Regret... Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
sigh
I knew things were going too nicely here to continue.....
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by vikram: although i do suffer froma virgin/whore complex like many immature men, 3.5 men per year really isn't an extravagant tally is it?
Needs more context, though, doesn't it. If that's how she came to sleep with 60 guys - 3/4 a year, then, yeah, it's not like she's going liek the clappers, but you're talking about a 30-year old who has never had a long term relationship, which is a bit off-putting. On the flip side, if she's married and has racked up 59 other guys on the side then that is an extravagant tally, and would make you question the quality of someone's character. Similarly, if she's had a few long term relationships, and the rest of her partners have been crammed into the gaps then it does seem a bit more promicsuous. I suppose you;d have to ask women: do you really bump into a man every three months who's definitely worth sleeping with?
For the record '60 or 70' sexual partners is the number used in the play Blackbird to suggest that a woman who was abused as a child has been psychologically damaged by her experiences.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Failed relationships. Sexual dysfunction. Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: Nice to see you again, vikram.
hai. i lurk sometimes, but tmo just seems to be everyone especially black mask slagging you off these days Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by vikram:
quote:Originally posted by ralph: Nice to see you again, vikram.
hai. i lurk sometimes, but tmo just seems to be everyone especially black mask slagging you off these days
Maybe you two could buddy up?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
maybe you could quietly go away and die?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by vikram: hai. i lurk sometimes, but tmo just seems to be everyone especially black mask slagging you off these days
yeah...sadly I have no control over how black mask acts...
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Come on guys, let's not do this today?
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Ooh, it's the old violent nature, bubbling to the surface. The red mist... Way to go, Mr Lover-man.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Come on guys, let's not do this today?
What's this guys crap? I was having a lovely time. Until...
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: sadly I have no control over how black mask acts...
That's not strictly true. If there was no ralph I wouldn't need to be so anti-ralph.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
I see. So the answer turns out to be quite simple. From this second forward, there simply is no Black Mask. Problem solved.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Really. Don't do this today. Please.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph:
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Come on guys, let's not do this today?
What's this guys crap? I was having a lovely time. Until...
Yeah, he was having a lovely time recounting his catalogue of failed relationships, sexual dysfunction, history of gnawing regret and hinting at his take-no-shit, beatdown-that-muthafuacker, not-to-be-fucked-with violent nature. Everything was going nicely. ralph was talking about ralph and no-one was pointing out what a dick he is. It was like dream come true...
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
So...you've had a lot of cars, Ringo?
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: catalogue of failed relationships, sexual dysfunction, history of gnawing regret
But that describes just about everyone on TMO!
damn, got suckered in. won't happen again
[ 18.02.2009, 09:39: Message edited by: mart ]
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart: Really. Don't do this today. Please.
You're right, it's Gambian Independence Day.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: So...you've had a lot of cars, Ringo?
Really. Don't do this today. Please.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Ah well, it was fun for a bit. Maybe tomorrow..
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart:
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: catalogue of failed relationships, sexual dysfunction, history of gnawing regret
But that describes just about everyone on TMO!
That, in and of itself, is a good enough reason to not have a ralph. He's superfluous. At the very least.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Ah well, it was fun for a bit. Maybe tomorrow..
Yeah, look in. Even if it's just to say hello.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Ah well, it was fun for a bit. Maybe tomorrow..
yeah. maybe tomorrow. and I really was interested in the number of cars you've owned. my brother has had at least 100 different vehicles over the years...
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
You'll be talking about yourself again soon, ralph. You can't help it. You can only pretend to be interested in other people for so long.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Stay strong, Abby. This too shall pass.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
This ralph/BM stuff is unspeakably tedious. I suggest we just ignore the pair of them when they start, in the manner of toddler training.
Thus: I don't think three partners a year is a lot. She may have had a few LTRs thrown in there two, which would skew the average to four or five, but I still think that's OK. I bet ralph wouldn't have batted an eye if it was a bloke with a similar tally.
I have never come in my pants.
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: I have never come in my pants.
Nor have I. In Herbs pants I mean.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: This ralph/BM stuff is unspeakably tedious.
Agreed. If you were me...what would you do?
quote:Originally posted by herbs: I bet ralph wouldn't have batted an eye if it was a bloke with a similar tally.
I would have batted both eyes. And called him a man-whore.
quote:Originally posted by herbs: I have never come in my pants.
lol.
liar.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Actually, the more I think about it, the more I'm not even sure I've met 70 people over the past ten years that I'd even want to sit and have a drink with, let alone have sex with.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Ah, but some people you have sex with you wouldn't want to talk to.
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
Are we now tallying the number of people we've slept with without talking to? Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
two.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
You'd certainly have to have pretty low standards to be able to achieve such a tally. Especially if, as I think we must assume, she lived in the same general area as Ralph. Which means she must have slept with virtually every man in the town.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
no...this was in the metro Philadelphia area (6 million people give or take) not where I live now...
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Amy lives in Philly doesn't she?
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
I'm wondering whether Ralph is, in his own way, lobbying to be the new owner of the rohypnol tag.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: I bet ralph wouldn't have batted an eye if it was a bloke with a similar tally.
If I may be Devil's Advocate just this once in my life, there's something slightly disingenuous about this because it assumes an absolute equality of opportunity when it comes to sex, which doesn't seem to acknowledge the most common dynamic in places where people gather to cop off. The vast majority of the time the form is that men make the approach, and the women choose whether or not to reject them. To say there's no difference between a guy sleeping with a bunch of chicks and a chick sleeping with a bunch of guys is to pretend that this common dynamic simply isn't there.
Generally, if you want to pull a girl, you have to impress her to some degree, whether in looks, humour, charm, whatever. If a girl wants to pull a guy she probably just has to ask.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
In the general area, yeah. What's your point?
This talk of numbers and such reminds me of former NBA great Wilt the stilt Chamberlin. He claims to have slept with over 20,000 different women during his lifetime.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
None really, just a midly humourous observation which could be misconstrued to infer that I was suggesting that the woman who has had 70 guys was actually Amy. But of course that's ridiculous because Amy is happily married and posessed of a much more robust moral fortitude
14 by the way. I've had 14 cars. But we don't talk about that here.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by froopyscot: I'm wondering whether Ralph is, in his own way, lobbying to be the new owner of the rohypnol tag.
I'm not following you here froop. If anything, I'm lobbying to be the owner of the anti-rohypnol tag.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: 14 by the way. I've had 14 cars. But we don't talk about that here.
I know we don't. But thanks for slipping it in for me.
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
That's got to take some time. I mean, if you make allowances for activities like sleeping, eating, playing basketball and brushing teeth, and take what's left over, doesn't that make for an average duration of what, 45 seconds per woman? Hardly something you'd think he'd be proud of. Poor Wilt Chamberlain.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: Generally, if you want to pull a girl, you have to impress her to some degree, whether in looks, humour, charm, whatever
It seems quite amazing, when you look at it that way, that most men ever actually get laid. I certainly can't explain most of my sexual encounters.
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph:
quote:Originally posted by froopyscot: I'm wondering whether Ralph is, in his own way, lobbying to be the new owner of the rohypnol tag.
I'm not following you here froop. If anything, I'm lobbying to be the owner of the anti-rohypnol tag.
Just postulating that it might have been involved in the two people you slept with without talking to.
Either that or the subway must have been particularly crowded on those two occasions.
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
drunkenness and drugs explain not only all of my sexual encounters, but also long term relationships.
[ 18.02.2009, 10:49: Message edited by: Deep Freeze ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: But thanks for slipping it in for me.
*giggle*
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by froopyscot: Just postulating that it might have been involved in the two people you slept with without talking to.
Either that or the subway must have been particularly crowded on those two occasions.
Oh that. I was just kidding. My real number would be zero.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo:
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: Generally, if you want to pull a girl, you have to impress her to some degree, whether in looks, humour, charm, whatever
It seems quite amazing, when you look at it that way, that most men ever actually get laid. I certainly can't explain most of my sexual encounters.
If humour and charm were genuine factors I'd be giving Wilt the Stilt a run for his money.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Wilt's dead now, but I bet he'd still pull better than you...
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
If he ever suffered from erectile dysfunction, his name would be pretty funny. If you were the lady in that situation, you could construct a pretty cutting remark. Something like "Wilt by name, wilt by nature"
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
I don't think saying something like that to a 7'1", 300 lb. man is such a good idea.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
He beat up women?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
I've heard rumors. But be real...if he had 20,000 sexual encounters, odds are that he roughed one or two of them up...
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
It doesn't scream "reverence and respect", does it?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
If he did it one time out of 20,000 he'd be 99.995% respectful. That's pretty good.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Wouldn't that be awful though. You sleep with 20,000 women and not one of them wants to have a relationship with you.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Maybe they did. Maybe each and every one of them. But he didn't want to be tied down...not ol' Wilt. A one woman man? You shittin' me son? All that ***** out there and I'm gonna sleep with one woman the rest of my life? Fuck that. I'm Wilt fucking Chamberlin. Possibly the greatest professional basketball player of all time.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Dude nobody in the UK cares abotu Basketball
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
Steve Nash could do that shit in a second.
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
I mean, last week Ice Cube fucked around and got the triple double.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Dude nobody in the UK cares abotu Basketball
lol. tell Deep Freeze. He literally pulled Steve Nash out of his ass.
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
he's the king of three pointers.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
lol he is not.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
lol
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
eta: lol.
[ 18.02.2009, 12:41: Message edited by: froopyscot ]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
heh
Posted by Lilo (Member # 8247) on :
I'm glad I read this thread in its entirety.
But I can't remember if I'm supposed to be ralph baiting, discussing Ringo's cars, my sexual history or talking about the snot blocking my nostrils and the conjunctivitis I've had for two weeks, keeping eyes a constant gooey mess.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Your sexual history.
Posted by Lilo (Member # 8247) on :
Two weeks seems a long time to be suffering from conjunctivitis. Not that I would actually know, I've never had it before. For the last thirteen days I've been living with the paranoia of wondering if the person I'm having a conversation with is internally screaming with horror at the eye boogies nestling in my tear ducts.
Eye boogies are horrible, aren't they? I hate having conversations with people that have eye boogies.
[ 18.02.2009, 13:18: Message edited by: Lilo ]
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
All the more reason to hang out on the interwebs where your eyeboogies can be concealed.
Unless you go and tell people about them, that is.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
I don't think I'm going to sleep well tonight...
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
We could just try calling it ophthalmological spooj, and by so doing bring the conversation back to sexual history.
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
So, er, what exactly were you doing that brought this on?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
and why, if you were sick (and I assume still contagious) did you go out to a public place on the 14th of this month?
Posted by Lilo (Member # 8247) on :
I will not let conjunctivitis take over my life, ralph.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
But you're willing to let it destroy the lives of innocent people?
Posted by Lilo (Member # 8247) on :
What's eye goo between friends?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
I...don't know.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
Am I the only one who finds Ralph and BM's exchanges funny? I thought that as a forum we all decided they were a bright spot in an otherwise tedious cycle of 'what clothes I am wearing / games I am playing / lunch I am eating' thype threads. As a forum, I thought we'd had this discussion and decided we were going to encourage more BM / Ralph baiting. Didn't we. So why aren't we doing it more?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I think some of the other forumites feel indifferent to it all. I can see how it would frustrate people. I don't think we have to stop being mean to Ralph, I just think BM and R are not allowed to interact with each other because it goes like this.
'Ralph, you are a despicable, loathsome creature whose fabric of existance is a perpetual symbol of all that is wrong in the world'
'I know you are but what am I? Did you see that Miss? Poor Ralph. lol '
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
.
[ 23.02.2009, 08:44: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
Sometimes I read threads on this forum and I laugh out loud, that hardly ever happens elsewhere, the ones that make me laugh the most though are the Ralph / BM threads. As a forum we need to encourage this. I feel it will help us grow as a forum.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Home Talk Ralph/BM Life Music Web Media Society Sex Announce Games
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
Ralph, did your post say 'lol' before you deleted it?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
no
eta: yes
[ 23.02.2009, 11:54: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
You're not going to believe this... now I've got a cold!
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
I don't get colds. Cod Liver oil sees to that.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Boys who whinge about having colds are utter gaylords.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
high-fives herbs Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
I find Ralph's contributions both informative and amusing and consider him the keystone of this forum.
[ 27.02.2009, 06:25: Message edited by: Suckmonster ]
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
herbs and ralph, the dream team.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
I saw this and thought of you Mask. Would you purchase it if you had the money to spare?
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Does saying something which ralph happens to agree with make us a trolling team? Did I miss a memo?
Oh, and up yours BM.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs:
Oh, and up yours BM.
Right, I'm a gaylord. So, I better keep my trap shut, yeah?
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
'Up yours' referred to your bracketing me in with your nemesis, having done nothing I know of to raise your ire. But moaning about having a cold does make you a gaylord, correct.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Hormones...
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
bender...
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
oooh hello, my name's Black Mask and I've got a sniffle, chase me.... Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
More comedy gold from Ralph.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
I prefer your posts when they don't contain words, Sucko. Shouldn't you be ms painting some cocks and jizz right about now?
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Brilliant. Just brilliant.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Yeah, Suckmonster, ralph's craving cocks and jizz.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Hey I called someone a flid the other day. a flid! now there's an old school beatdown for you. I didn't even mean to it just popped right out.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Excellent. Now BM is going to bait two of us into submission. Should make comedy gold. I shall revert to my 'ignore' policy.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
I actually saw a flid the other day. I thought they'd died out...
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: Excellent. Now BM is going to bait two of us into submission. Should make comedy gold. I shall revert to my 'ignore' policy.
Don't flatter yourself, herbs.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
I had a dream about McDirts last night. This makes him officially a member of TMO in my mind. I can't really remember the details, but it was down near a canal and both our parnters were they. I was getting the impression that McDirts really didn't like me, but kept cracking jokes to try and lighten the atmosphere, which just made things worse. I think maybe he tried to kill me at one point.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: a flid!
Time for a playground insults thread?
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: I actually saw a flid the other day.
"Spastics".
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Suckmonster:
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: I actually saw a flid the other day.
"Spastics".
No, a real flid. With flippers.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Oh good. You've graduated to thalidomide jokes. Well done. Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
I've definitely got a temperature. My eyes are itchy, too.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: I had a dream about McDirts last night. This makes him officially a member of TMO in my mind. I can't really remember the details, but it was down near a canal and both our parnters were they. I was getting the impression that McDirts really didn't like me, but kept cracking jokes to try and lighten the atmosphere, which just made things worse. I think maybe he tried to kill me at one point.
Ridiculous, I've never met you, how could I not like you? **** . Anyway, did I tell you the one about the Chainsaw and the bloke who worked in the marketing section of a publishing house..?
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
If you'd actually met Thorn you wouldn't need to ask that question
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
What did McDirts look like in the dream? What face did your subconscious give him? If it is accurate then maybe you have a superpower?
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Thick black hair, cut quite short. Broad sort of face. Older then me by about five years. Dressed like one of those rich guys that have a way of dressing scruffy while still looking really wealthy.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
uncanny.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
unaccurate
[ 27.02.2009, 07:50: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
You forgot the almost grotesquely large genitalia
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
You look like grotesquely large genitalia?
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
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