This is topic this is why you're fat in forum Life at TMO Talk.


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Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
No excuses, no glandular problems, no socio-economic traps, just sheer gluttony, 2 for 1 chickens and eating both in one go with two bags of chip shop chips, non stop crisp sangos in between meals, no 'between meals' just meals all the time of varying degrees of size... this is why you're fat, because you've got the time and imagination to create masterpieces such as these... this is why you're fat
 
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
 
I saw that yesterday. I would love to eat every single one of the things pictured.
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
I want this now
 -
 
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
 
fuck yes. That makes my mouth tingle just looking at the picure.
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
Deep fried coca cola??
 -
THAT'S EITHER AMERICAN OR SCOTTISH... rALPH, EXPLAIN THIS WILL YOU, IF YOU CAN'T IT'S PROBABLY SCOTTISH AND sUCKMONSTER CAN STEP IN.
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
I don't want to sail in The Meat Ship.
 -
 
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
 
do you remember when I ordered the pizza and I was really hungry and when he came I opened the door and said hi and drooled down my t-shirt because i was so hungry? lol do you remember.
 
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
 
Deep-fried Coca-Cola is less amazing than it sounds. You basically mix flour and egg and Coke, and deep fry that as a batter. I think.

Those Coke balls look lovely.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by McDirts:
THAT'S EITHER AMERICAN OR SCOTTISH... rALPH, EXPLAIN THIS WILL YOU, IF YOU CAN'T IT'S PROBABLY SCOTTISH AND sUCKMONSTER CAN STEP IN.

I think it's Scottish. If it *is* American, I'd assume it's from the deep south...like Texas or one of those other states I've never been to.
 
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
 
In Spain they have fried blood, which is nice. And fried milk.
 
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
 
Fried Cokapedia
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by mart:
In Spain they have fried blood, which is nice. And fried milk.

what's the fried blood?
 
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by McDirts:
quote:
Originally posted by mart:
In Spain they have fried blood, which is nice. And fried milk.

what's the fried blood?
We all have fried blood don't we. I thought that's what black pudding is.
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
yeah, but I'm guessing this is some kind of other shit than morcilla.
 
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
 
Well, it's little cubes of blood, fried up with stuff.
 -
 -
(not the most appetising of pics, granted)

Fried milk is like a rectangle of, er, fried milk, slightly crispy, with sugar and cinnamon. Sweet, gooey, chewy.
 -
 
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Kanye West:
do you remember when I ordered the pizza and I was really hungry

You'll get phat.
 
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
 
Why can't they make food that is actually good for you really tasty at the same time?

Well, I suppose there are some tasty good foods, but mostly you have to add salt, oil, mayonnaise, or fry it to make it yum.

We need a long list of really tasty healthy food that you can eat barrels of each day and still lose weight. Enlighten me. (Oh, that's a good one.)

I need some chewition. (Oh man, on fire today.)
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
chicken thighs and rice with a bit of tabasco or chilli pickle. MMMMmmmmm mmm, that's a chitlin' and still healthy, I could eat rice all day yo.
 
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
 
FUH KIN HELL

 -
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
Chicken thighs contain rather a lot of fat. Especially if those thighs belonged to a broiler chicken.
Munchy box.

[ 11.02.2009, 09:55: Message edited by: Suckmonster ]
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
take the skin off then. It's the tastiest meat though.
 
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
 
What the fuck is wrong with the Scotch?

I tell you, the next time we decide to invade, they'll be fucked.
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
Fuck you, Ringo.
The thighs off a decent chicken are excellent (the Indians prize dark over white chicken meat), but broiler chicken thigh meat is fatty and flavourless.
 
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
 
No, dingus, I'm talking about the munchy box

Some of the worst food in the world has been invented in Scotland. That's scientific fact
 
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
 
The scots will fend you off with a deep-fried king-size mars-bar sword (behold the power of the Hyphen Triumvirate!) and a munch box shield. They'll fire catapults of flaming tikka massala balls which wil land on an area of the battlefield an inch wide, then spread a firey oil slick at a ratio of 1/100.
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
There are some fantastic Scottish dishes, if you take the time to look. (And Scottish produce is invariably the best.)
I don't trust anyone who doesn't enjoy a fish supper.
 
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Suckmonster:
I don't trust anyone who doesn't enjoy a fish supper.

True. Fookin Pooftas.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Suckmonster:
Fuck you, Ringo.
The thighs off a decent chicken are excellent (the Indians prize dark over white chicken meat), but broiler chicken thigh meat is fatty and flavourless.

Yeah, but what's India famous for? Curry and famine.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
one word: haggis  -
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
Yeah, but what's India famous for?

Defeating the British with passive resistance?
 
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
one word: haggis  -

Have you ever had haggis? It's really good.

Also fish supper = fish and chips, right? Is that really something that was invented in Scotland?
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
I know you're being a tease, but Indian food is fantastic. (And if it's good enough for them . . .)
Ralph, if you ever tried a proper haggis, I reckon you'd like it. (A proper haggis is made with mutton and not pork, as so many cheap versions are.)
Fucking hell, I'm starvin' now.
 
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
Defeating the British with passive resistance?

The British were so impossible to beat that the Indians had to invent a whole new method of resistance!
 
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
 
why does ralph constantly feel the need to attempt to flame the board with his digs at 'the British'? Does he think it's somehow interesting rambunctious fun, and that we're all burned every time he makes one of his limp, lame jibes? Does he not realise that actually, it's boring us all to death? Is he so bolstered with national pride that he needs to keep insinuating that Britain is shit, and we're all well crap compared to the amazing Americans, because he thinks that we A) care what he thinks and B) all foster a secret inferiority complex because we A) care what he thinks? Jesus it's so fucking tedious. Maybe I'm alone in not flaring with rage every time Ralph takes a lazy pop at some nebulous concept he's got of what Britain/England/UK is, but I don't think I am. I also don't know a single American that wouldn't want to distance themselves from the kind of weak douche-baggery that he peddles here on a daily basis. Why? Why does he do it? Is he really the cock sniffer that he makes out to be, or is it some kind of terrible, torturous joke that will be on us when he finally reveals the amount of collective man years that have been wasted replying to his deliberately witless horseshit?

Anyway, I just had to get that out. Feel better now. Carry on.

[ 11.02.2009, 10:38: Message edited by: Deep Freeze ]
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
He's being "ironic". Honest.
 
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
 
Pfft. Ralph thinks "ironic" is a good adjective for anything made from iron.
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
That'd be amusing. Were it not so close to the truth.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Deep Freeze:
why does ralph constantly feel the need to attempt to flame the board with his digs at 'the British'? Does he think it's somehow interesting rambunctious fun, and that we're all burned every time he makes one of his limp, lame jibes? Does he not realise that actually, it's boring us all to death? Is he so bolstered with national pride that he needs to keep insinuating that Britain is shit, and we're all well crap compared to the amazing Americans, because he thinks that we A) care what he thinks and B) all foster a secret inferiority complex because we A) care what he thinks? Jesus it's so fucking tedious. Maybe I'm alone in not flaring with rage every time Ralph takes a lazy pop at some nebulous concept he's got of what Britain/England/UK is, but I don't think I am. I also don't know a single American that wouldn't want to distance themselves from the kind of weak douche-baggery that he peddles here on a daily basis. Why? Why does he do it? Is he really the cock sniffer that he makes out to be, or is it some kind of terrible, torturous joke that will be on us when he finally reveals the amount of collective man years that have been wasted replying to his deliberately witless horseshit?

Anyway, I just had to get that out. Feel better now. Carry on.

 -
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Deep Freeze:
why does ralph constantly feel the need to attempt to flame the board with his digs at 'the British'?

Where did I take a dig at the British today? Link or stfu.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Ringo:
Pfft. Ralph thinks "ironic" is a good adjective for anything made from iron.

that would be irony dude.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
'cock sniffer'... Excellent.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
you would like that...
 
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Suckmonster:
He's being "ironic". Honest.

Y...e.ah, but you have to start questioning someones 'irony' when it actually just sort of becomes their identity. Like that mate, you know the one who makes all the racist jokes. He doesn't mean it though. Some of his best friends have an array of unfunny jokes based on their ethnicity. I mean, if Sartre were a TMO member, he'd probably point out that years of hilarious zealous American patriotism is actually, well just Ralph's actual persona, seeming that he can't identify with any other role or attitude. And then the tears. Ours.
 
Posted by Deep Freeze (Member # 841) on :
 
Ponder, you mean. He's the racist.
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
 -
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
'weak douche-baggery'. Priceless.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
Right. Seems I'm American Patriot. Which is pretty laughable when you consider my politics and record on paying my taxes. I expect better from you Mikee. Not sure why, but I do...
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
'witless horseshit'.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
What a great afternoon.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
you forgot the deliberately...
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
it's still morning in the US of A. Long may she wave, etc.
 
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
 
Hm. So you're saying that by your choice to withdraw from the mainstream political process (ron paul, pfft) and not paying taxes, you're passively resisting?

Coming Soon: Ralph as American Ghandi II?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
No...I'm saying that, for the most part, I'm ashamed of my country and do whatever I can to keep my money from financing some of its questionable choices.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by froopyscot:
(ron paul, pfft)

yeah...the Obama presidency is going great so far, huh? [Roll Eyes]
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
you forgot the deliberately...

You might want to read through DF's excellent rant again, ralph. It is quite long, and many of the words are polysyllabic, but the gist was that your 'witless horseshit' would only be deliberate if your posting here was an elaborate joke. I don't think you posting on TMO is a joke. At all. Hence the omission of the 'deliberately'.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
lol [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
do whatever I can to keep my money from financing some of its questionable choices.

Wow. How noble. Plus, you get to keep the money, right?
 
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by New Way Of Decay:
Y...e.ah, but you have to start questioning someones 'irony' when it actually just sort of becomes their identity. Like that mate, you know the one who makes all the racist jokes. He doesn't mean it though.

Er, does that make you a homophobe then? [Frown]
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
Er, does that make you a homophobe then? [Frown]

lol
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
do whatever I can to keep my money from financing some of its questionable choices.

Wow. How noble. Plus, you get to keep the money, right?
Well duh. Nothing gets past you, does it Masky? lolol.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
do whatever I can to keep my money from financing some of its questionable choices.

Wow. How noble. Plus, you get to keep the money, right?
Well duh. Nothing gets past you, does it Masky? lolol.
So, it's less a revolutionary gesture and more... tax evasion? Cheapness? Bullshit?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
So, it's less a revolutionary gesture and more... tax evasion? Cheapness? Bullshit?

No. For example, Massachusetts recently raised it's tax on cigarettes to some outrageous figure. Considering that Massachusetts already had one of the highest cigarette taxes in the US, it seemed a bit wrong to punish us smokers even further. So rather than pay the tax, I purchase my cigarettes out of state. It's not wanting to pay a tax that I think is unfair. Kind of like the Boston Tea party from way back when...
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
Right. Cheapness and bullshit.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
Oh, look...

 -

...a freedom fighter.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
So you welcome all new taxes, right? Talk about bullshit. What are you, a sheep?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
At what point do you say this isn't right and actually do something about it?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
lol. Forgot who I was talking to. You'd be too busy lounging around, drinking yourself into a stupor and reading comic books...
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
hmmm. what would you do if they put a huge tax on comic books? [Confused]
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
Mask?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
meh. probably off paying your taxes.
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
How else do you not contribute to the society you live in?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
I contribute to my local society more than most people do. Read to the blind. Participate in a good neighbors program that provides food to those who cannot afford it. Help out in town as the need arises. I contribute plenty yo.
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
I want testimonies or shut the fuck up.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
I'll see what I can do, but I doubt that even if I posted testimonies you'd believe them.

I forgot that last year I volunteered A LOT of time at our new community garden...you know, tilling the plots, setting up the plots in general, that sort of thing.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
woah...coming up on the big 7-0-0-0. Perhaps I'll take that opportunity to post about my undying love for Black Mask. or maybe just post a smiley.
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
I contribute to my local society more than most people do. I have sex with the local mentally ill. I flash my bits to the local children. Last week I took I shit on the mayor's car to indicate my support of her recycling initiative. You backwards UK motherfuckers don't understand how an advanced society operates.

Ralphy, Ralphy . . .

[ 11.02.2009, 13:23: Message edited by: Suckmonster ]
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Suckmonster:
mayor

My town doesn't have a mayor you idiot.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
Read to the blind.

ROFL
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
a bit much?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
the rest is true though [Smile]
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
I love you, Black Mask. Until the day I die.
 
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
 
As far as public declarations of undying devotion go, I expected something a bit more epic between ralphy and the masked object of his man-crush. But perhaps that's waiting until his 10k post.
 
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
quote:
Originally posted by New Way Of Decay:
Y...e.ah, but you have to start questioning someones 'irony' when it actually just sort of becomes their identity. Like that mate, you know the one who makes all the racist jokes. He doesn't mean it though.

Er, does that make you a homophobe then? [Frown]
Ow. How?
 
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
 
I can't believe ralph already has 7000 posts! I've been posting/reading TMO since 2001 and I haven't even cracked 2000.

Ralph - do you get paid per post?
 
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
 
You have to bear in mind that the average ralph post is 3.6 words, so ralph's word count is actually the equivalent of 25 quality Elvis posts.
 
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
 
I also like to think I haven't spent the last 7-odd years filling TMO with inane drivel. Probably have though.
 
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
 
Maybe I'll start doing that just to reach the lofty heights of 2000 posts.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by squeegy:
I also like to think I haven't spent the last 7-odd years filling TMO with inane drivel. Probably have though.

Not 'filling', no...
 
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
Not 'filling', no...

Else I'd be up to 7000 posts.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by squeegy:
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
Not 'filling', no...

Else I'd be up to 7000 posts.
Or even 12918.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Cherry In Hove:
You have to bear in mind that the average ralph post is 3.6 words

that's simply not tr
 
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
 
*applause*

Would have been a bigger round of applause if you'd figured out how to do 20% of the "u"
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
I had it figured out, but it required too much effor...
 
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
 
Why does your town not have a mayor, ralph?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
very small town ( less than 1000 people). we have a selectboard, three elected officials who sort of run the town. but mostly the town governs itself by voting on most of the important issues, like whether or not the lights in the center of town should be left on at night (this one has been defeated each and every year it's been brought up) or if we should build a new library (we did by the way)

eta: also, my town does not have a police force of any kind, but rely on the state police to handle our crime. which since I've lived there has been almost non existent.

[ 12.02.2009, 06:30: Message edited by: ralph ]
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
quote:
which since I've lived there has gone through the roof. Especially the sex crimes.
Thaddaboy, Ralphy.

[ 12.02.2009, 06:39: Message edited by: Suckmonster ]
 
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
 
If there are fewer than a thousand people, shouldn't it be a village? Or does the word village not really have any meaning in US officialdom?

(In Britain, traditionally, it was:
Some dwellings grouped together = hamlet
Hamlet grows and gets a church = village
Village grows and is granted a market = town
Town grows and has a cathedral = city)
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:


eta: also, my town does not have a police force of any kind, but rely on the state police to handle our crime. which since I've lived there has been almost non existent.

Are you trying to in some way subliminally suggest that you're responsible for the sudden drop in crime in your town. Like you're some kind of vigilante, pig fucking superhero? Is that right? Because I don't believe you.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
not suggesting that at all. from what I'm told the current level of crime in town is about the same as it's been for as long as anyone can remember. but every summer someone gets busted for growing pot. without fail. and not just a few plants...there's always someone willing to clear out an acre or so in the middle of their land and try to raise one big crop and make some quick cash...which is why every August you can see the DEA choppers flying over...
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
Your country is so fucked in the head, in some regards.

[ 12.02.2009, 06:52: Message edited by: Suckmonster ]
 
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by mart:

Town grows and has a cathedral = city

Yeah, if only it actually worked like that in practise. Milton Keynes has a Cathedral, and a population of nearly 200,000 and we're technically still a Town. [Mad]
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Suckmonster:
Your country is so fucked in the head, in some regards.

perhaps. but what country isn't?
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Ringo:
Milton Keynes has a Cathedral, and a population of nearly 200,000 and we're technically still a Town. [Mad]

Actually, I think you'll find that technically you're still a Hellhole.
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
quote:
perhaps. but what country isn't? [/QB]
Besides Scotland? Hmmm . . .

furrows brow
 
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
Actually, I think you'll find that technically you're still a Hellhole.

No, I'm not going to rise to it. You'll have to try harder that that I'm afraid.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
Why is MK technically a town, Ringo? What would have to happen for it to be a city?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
MK is 34 sq miles...my town is 37 sq miles. How the hell do you fit 200,000 people in 34 sq miles?
 
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
 
I'm afraid these days having a cathedral is nothing to do with becoming a city.

quote:
City status is a rare mark of distinction granted by the Sovereign and conferred by Letters Patent. It is granted by personal Command of The Queen, on the advice of Her Ministers. It is for Her Majesty The Queen to decide when a competition for city status should be held. Competitions are usually held on occasions such as important Royal anniversaries.
So basically, the Queen needs to think "Milton Keynes is as good as Truro or Ripon" for it to happen.
 
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
 
The trouble is that at the moment there are no technical criteria which guarantee city status. A Town must fulfil certain criteria in order to be considered for city status, and then it's reviewed by the government who make the decision. I think each year a certain number of towns are upgraded, and certain ones just never seem to get it. There are lots of town on the outskirts of London which aren't granted City status because they're not distinct enough from London itself. In the case of MK, I think it's just become this long-running practical joke, to not grant us City status.

There are places which are officially cities, with populations of less than 10,000 people. There's a city in Wales with a population lower than 2000.

I think realistically it's because there's no real benefit for upgrading our status. In the case of smaller areas the upgrade to being a city allows the new city to plan a lot more development and makes it more attractive to businesses and industry. MK is already very large and is one of the main business centres in England, so realistically it's not awfully important for us. There are places which will see much more benefit from it so they tend to be granted it first.
 
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
 
Ralph, I'm genuinely interested in the use of the term village in the States. Not for any particular reason, I'm just curious. It never occurred to me when I was actually living there, but it doesn't seem to be a term that is used at all, except in New York City, ironically.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
Villages are exclusively for gays, like cottages.
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
my town is 37 sq miles.

No. It isn't, Ralph. Perhaps the catchment area for your punk-ass "town" is that area, however.
 
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
MK is 34 sq miles...my town is 37 sq miles. How the hell do you fit 200,000 people in 34 sq miles?

going by wikipedia's stats, you might find the following information fairly interesting:

MK is 34 square miles and has a population of 184,506 souls. This gives an average of 5426 per square mile. Sounds like a lot, right?

But check out London, which is 660 square miles and has 7,556,900 people, which gives an average of 11,450 people per square mile. That's over twice the population density of Milton Keynes.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
lol. my town has a population density of 26 persons per square mile. and it *still* seems too crowded to me. how do you big city folk stand the constant noise?

[ 12.02.2009, 07:41: Message edited by: ralph ]
 
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by New Way Of Decay:
Ow. How?

You have to admit you do make rather a lot of jokes about bums, bumming and bummers, don't you?

But maybe I was wrong about the homophobia.

Completely wrong.

[Wink]
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by mart:
Ralph, I'm genuinely interested in the use of the term village in the States. Not for any particular reason, I'm just curious. It never occurred to me when I was actually living there, but it doesn't seem to be a term that is used at all, except in New York City, ironically.

Where did you live when you were in the states? In the northeast the term village is quite common. more in New England than in the mid-Atlantic states, but there are plenty of villages near my town.
 
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
lol. my town has a population density of 26 persons per square mile. and it *still* seems too crowded to me. how do you big city folk stand the constant noise?

Y'know, I think there are almost no places in England, or even maybe the UK, where you can find a ~40 square mile area with a population density as low as that. And that's the bits in between the towns and villages. So by my reckoning you don't live in a town at all. You just live in the countryside.
 
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
Where did you live when you were in the states?

Southern Illinois, right on the Kentucky border.
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
Ralph's militia are very distrustful and they ensure, through a brainwashing programme that's as brutal and it is thorough, that new inductees, like Ralph, share that suspicious viewpoint of the outside world. It's not Roy's fault that he swallowed their distorted rhetoric so completely, hook, like and sinker.

[ 12.02.2009, 08:02: Message edited by: Suckmonster ]
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 


[ 12.02.2009, 08:01: Message edited by: Suckmonster ]
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
lol. idiot. [Razz]
 
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
 
Yeah, we were only there for six months.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
I've never been to that part of the country. What's it like? Lots of hillbillies and god botherers I assume? No villages?
 
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
 
Very very beautiful, rolling boothills. Shawnee national forest. The majestic River Ohio right outside our house. Trail of Tears. Lots of country folk, yes, and most of them perfectly nice and very friendly (keen to take me out shooting and telling me how great Reagan was). LOTS of hunting camo worn. 100% WASP county. Fair bit of crystal meth (people with fucked-up teeth, etc.), no work prospects, most people seemed to be either on welfare or working the barges up and down the river. Or in the army. We mixed with the well-off bunch who actually had jobs, had been to college, etc.

I had a great time, but we ran out of money, so we gave the UK a try.

No villages, no. The town we lived in had a population of 950, and there were much smaller ones around, but they were never referred to as villages. I guess the term village would be too cosy for most of them, as they were mostly run-down meth-holes of poverty and desperation.
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
Nice to see you're as parochial about your own country as you are about the rest of the world.
Do I recall your saying you'd never travelled abroad, Ralph?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Suckmonster:
Nice to see you're as parochial about your own country as you are about the rest of the world.
Do I recall your saying you'd never travelled abroad, Ralph?

But...according to marts description (thank you, mart) my view of that area was 100% accurate.

I've been no further than 3,000 miles from my place of birth. I've not been out of the US (Canada obviously doesn't count) but the US is so large that going through it is like visiting a multitude of coutries.
 
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
the US is so large that going through it is like visiting a multitude of coutries.

wow. It isn't at all. and not all Americans think it is.

[ 12.02.2009, 10:00: Message edited by: rooster ]
 
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
 
ralph is such a douche nozzle.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by rooster:
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
the US is so large that going through it is like visiting a multitude of coutries.

wow. It isn't at all. and not all Americans think it is.
So do you think Alaska is like Texas? I mean really?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts:
ralph is such a douche nozzle.

you know...I might take that sort of comment from Deep Freeze...but you have no right to say that

smacks Benway across the face with a leather glove
 
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
quote:
Originally posted by rooster:
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
the US is so large that going through it is like visiting a multitude of coutries.

wow. It isn't at all. and not all Americans think it is.
So do you think Alaska is like Texas? I mean really?
I've never been to Alaska, but none of the vastly different areas of the US I've been to are as different from each other as the different countries I've been to.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by rooster:
I've never been to Alaska, but none of the vastly different areas of the US I've been to are as different from each other as the different countries I've been to.

Well...I have been. And I certainly didn't confuse it with New Jersey. ffs.
 
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
 
Ralph how can you say travelling in America is like visiting other countries, when you've never visited another country?
 
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
quote:
Originally posted by rooster:
I've never been to Alaska, but none of the vastly different areas of the US I've been to are as different from each other as the different countries I've been to.

Well...I have been. And I certainly didn't confuse it with New Jersey. ffs.
I must be reading this wrong because it looks like ralph is making no sense whatsoever. Surely that can't be the case.

You could make the same argument about areas of the UK. No-one's going to confuse Wimborne with London 'ffs' but it's hardly comporable to going to Russia, for example, where hundreds of years of a completely different history has shaped a completely different culture.
 
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
quote:
Originally posted by rooster:
I've never been to Alaska, but none of the vastly different areas of the US I've been to are as different from each other as the different countries I've been to.

Well...I have been. And I certainly didn't confuse it with New Jersey. ffs.
but that's not the point you made. You said it was like going to different countries.

I suppose you could have just meant the relative size thing, but that's a pretty lame/obvious observation.

Culturally, there is still an American thread that holds all states together. There is an otherness to non-US places I've visited that isn't present when I'm still in the country whether it be New York, Texas, Florida, Hawaii, Alabama or any of the other states.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Ringo:
Ralph how can you say travelling in America is like visiting other countries, when you've never visited another country?

I've been to Canada. Which is another country. That's how.
 
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
 
Proper Canada or just hopped across the border?

You yourself admitted that Canada hardly counts.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by rooster:
Culturally, there is still an American thread that holds all states together. There is an otherness to non-US places I've visited that isn't present when I'm still in the country whether it be New York, Texas, Florida, Hawaii, Alabama or any of the other states.

The culture in Alaska (at least the part I stayed in) is totally different then anything I experienced in any part of the US. The same could be said of the times I've spent amongst the Amish in Lancaster, PA. Different culture.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Ringo:
You yourself admitted that Canada hardly counts.

Yeah, but as it's been pointed out countless times, my opinion isn't worth ****.
 
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
quote:
Originally posted by Ringo:
Ralph how can you say travelling in America is like visiting other countries, when you've never visited another country?

I've been to Canada. Which is another country. That's how.
Would a Canadian who'd travelled to other places in Canada also be able to claim that he had no need to travel abroad because the diversity of Canadian culture was so great, that every part of his land was like visiting another country?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
Would a Canadian who'd travelled to other places in Canada also be able to claim that he had no need to travel abroad because the diversity of Canadian culture was so great, that every part of his land was like visiting another country?

Would an Englishman be able to claim there was no need to travel abraod if he'd been to Scotland?
 
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
quote:
Originally posted by rooster:
Culturally, there is still an American thread that holds all states together. There is an otherness to non-US places I've visited that isn't present when I'm still in the country whether it be New York, Texas, Florida, Hawaii, Alabama or any of the other states.

The culture in Alaska (at least the part I stayed in) is totally different then anything I experienced in any part of the US. The same could be said of the times I've spent amongst the Amish in Lancaster, PA. Different culture.
The Amish are a subculture.

It's not the same like being in a place where the entire structure is different from home. I always notice the little things: going to the grocery store and dealing w/an entirely different food labeling system (not to mention measuring system and everyone walking on the left side of the aisle). Watching commercials on TV that show boobs! Not having the same Thursday TV schedule.

Even in Alaska they watch Heroes on Monday and Gray's Anatomy on Thursday.

ETA: and Palin, the damn governor, was pretty fucking Midwestern!

[ 12.02.2009, 10:20: Message edited by: rooster ]
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by rooster:
The Amish are a subculture.

heh. I dare you to say that to their face. You'll get a pitchfork in the arse no doubt. They consider your kind to be a subculture. A hell-bound one at that.

remembers the Amish fondly
 
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
quote:
Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
Would a Canadian who'd travelled to other places in Canada also be able to claim that he had no need to travel abroad because the diversity of Canadian culture was so great, that every part of his land was like visiting another country?

Would an Englishman be able to claim there was no need to travel abraod if he'd been to Scotland?
No. But he might feel there's no longer any need for him to see America.

Ralph I just don't get what you're trying to say here. You've never travelled abroad, to a place where people speak different languages, have a massively different cultural history, etc etc. So why are you trying to speak with authority on the subject?

If you're going to say that [something A] is just like [something B] then surely you should be speaking from the position of knowing what [something B] is like in the first place, no?
 
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
quote:
Originally posted by rooster:
The Amish are a subculture.

heh. I dare you to say that to their face. You'll get a pitchfork in the arse no doubt. They consider your kind to be a subculture. A hell-bound one at that.

remembers the Amish fondly

I'd happily say it to their faces, but I'm sure my forked tongue and devil-speech would render my words unintelligible.
 
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
quote:
Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
Would a Canadian who'd travelled to other places in Canada also be able to claim that he had no need to travel abroad because the diversity of Canadian culture was so great, that every part of his land was like visiting another country?

Would an Englishman be able to claim there was no need to travel abraod if he'd been to Scotland?
No - it would be an absurd claim to make. But I'm asking you whether or not you think the same is true of Canada.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
I'd just like to remind everybody that they're engaging in an argument with ralph..?
 
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
 
To get all petty and sociological and accurate for a moment, the Amish aren't a subculture at all; they're more of a parallel culture.
 
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
 
It's all a question of comparative perspective, isn't it. On one hand, you could argue the differences between Texas and New Jersey (even in just their choice of pollutants: petroleum and, um, petroleum refining, respectively), or the language differences (um...), or the currency differences (again, um...), or the differences in their systems of local government (flagrant good-ol'-boy corruption and mob-influenced corruption, respectively). They're not identical, but no two places are. You can even find differences between different parts of Massachusetts if you want to (just ask South Shore folks about Western Mass., for example).

And there's a flip side to the myopia: the same people who will argue that their town is so different than some other town 15 miles away are usually the ones who would look at France and Belgium and find very little difference between the two, just filled with Europeans who talk funny and eat snails. And probably wouldn't be able to find either on a map.

Rooster's perspective comes in large part from spending a lot of her youth island-hopping with her parents around the south pacific. Things are really different there. But that's another area of the world most Americans don't think about unless they're watching Survivor.
 
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
I'd just like to remind everybody that they're engaging in an argument with ralph..?

You're right, we've been suckered in by his honking buggercuntery yet again.

For shaem.
 
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
 
mart thinks he's so clever. One time at a meet he was smoking and I went out the join him. We could see the tmoers through the window in the pub. He goes 'look at this....just watch them...' and started laughing, really hard, pointing and laughing at them.
 
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by mart:
To get all petty and sociological and accurate for a moment, the Amish aren't a subculture at all; they're more of a parallel culture.

google reveals plenty of academic journal articles identifying the Amish as a subculture, but they must be wrong too.
 
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
 
Oh well, no, it's me that's wrong, then.

Not so clever now, am I.
 
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
 
this is like that scene in goodfellas with spider and tommy.
 
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by mart:
Oh well, no, it's me that's wrong, then.

Not so clever now, am I.

maybe, or you might just need to take it up with
the Journal of Multicultural Nursing & Health, for example, which could allow you to combine twisted Amish sexual fantasies w/those involving naughty nurses.
 
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
 
er
 
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
 
Sounds good, but can you work in a little tentacle porn, too?
 
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
 
I'm just trying to help out Benway, honestly.
 
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
 
hey, mart, come on, give her a break, she's just a kid....jeez...
 
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
 
While I'm being helpful, here's one for Ralph, as he's so fond of the Amish. Now we know why.

 -
 
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
 
I mean, who'd have imagined such a thing. Other than the Amish. And ralph. [Eek!]
 
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
 
[Confused] [Frown]
 
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
 
I think froopy has been drinking again. Poor Rooster [Frown]
 
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
 
Yes, looks like it'll be another night of falling down stairs [Frown]
 
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
 
I think the primary outcome of this thread should be to couple this comment with that 'boy butter' image up there.

quote:
Originally posted by ralph:

remembers the Amish fondly

I'll just go wash my brain now.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
heh.

I love the Amish for what they taught me about trying to simplify my life...but I don't love them like that.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by froopyscot:
You can even find differences between different parts of Massachusetts if you want to (just ask South Shore folks about Western Mass., for example).

and what exactly would the South Shore folks say about us in the western part of the state? hmmm?

[ 12.02.2009, 11:59: Message edited by: ralph ]
 
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
 
Nothing much, farmer ralph. After all, you're westa wustah, so it's like you live on a different planet.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
urinates in South Shores water supply

eta: for those of you who don't know, the eastern part of my state gets its fresh water supply from the Quabbin Reservoir, which is just a few miles from my front door.

 -

[ 12.02.2009, 12:32: Message edited by: ralph ]
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
urinates in South Shores water supply

I find it comforting that ralph has never and will never leave his home country.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
I find it comforting that ralph has never and will never leave his home country.

Which just goes to show you that you really need to work on your reading comprehension skills. I suppose the combination of alcohol and comics may have contributed to your problem.
I've left my home country before.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
poor Black Mask [Frown]
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
doesn't understand that Canada and the US are different countries [Frown]
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
are you paying attention squeegy? this is how you get to 7,000+ posts.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
Do you see what he's doing, TMO?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
like you have even the slightest clue

plans vacation to Canada, which is the 51st state of the US lol.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
ralph wouldn't last five minutes in Europe.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
europe...hmmm...isn;t that part of the US as well? like Canada? lol.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
lol
Yeah.
lol
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
damn. I've got a meeting at 1:00. I hope it's in the US...like Canada and Europe are. ohlolololololol. poor Mask. poor, *poor* Mask. [Frown]
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
 -
ralph in London
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
 -
ralph in Paris
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
 -
ralph in Barcelona
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
 -
ralph in Berlin
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
ralph's holiday snaps!

LOL

The Grand Tour!

ROFL

What a fucking zero.
 
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
 
 -
ralph in Tokyo
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
turns out the meeting was in Mexico...which as Masky will tell you is the most southern state in the U S of A.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
 -
Mask pretty much anywhere in the US

lol. Poor Mask. [Frown]

[ 12.02.2009, 13:35: Message edited by: ralph ]
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
Hmmm... I dunno. I think I'd get on okay in the USA. I get on pretty well everywhere. I tend to gravitate towards cities, though. Lots of people. Lots going on. Culture. Ideas. Excitement. Adventure.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
Can't see it myself. You're pretty obnoxious and you'd get smacked down here pretty quickly.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
I get on pretty well everywhere

l. o. l.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
You're pretty obnoxious and you'd get smacked down here pretty quickly.

'here' being the entirety of the United States of America? I see. Yet, evidently, arseholes like you can roam about with impunity?

America, as you describe it, seems like a strange and frightening place, ralph. I've been to Grand Prix parties in Lisbon, hip-hop gigs in the banlieues of Paris, drifted around the 'forbidden' Arab neighbourhoods of Marseille, swum in the sea while the junkies shot up yards away in Barcelonetta... I've always found people to talk to, common ground, felt safe, alive, equal... Yet... in ralph's America I'd get smacked down pretty quickly. Weird. Are you sure, ralph? Are you sure you're talking for the whole of the United States of America? About all of the people, therein? Or, are you just talking about you, ralph? Out in the woods. On the internet.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by froopyscot:
 -
ralph in Tokyo

Much as I appreciate the continuity of the piscine imagery, here... I can't help hoping that those things wrapped in nori are actually ralph's eyeballs.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
Are you sure, ralph?

Positive.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
quote:
Originally posted by froopyscot:
 -
ralph in Tokyo

Much as I appreciate the continuity of the piscine imagery, here... I can't help hoping that those things wrapped in nori are actually ralph's eyeballs.
That was from froopy? I hadn't noticed initially. lol. No wonder it was the only funny one in the bunch! LOL!
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
Are you sure, ralph?

Positive.
I see. I think what's happening here ralph is something known as projecting. I think, ralph, and correct me if I'm wrong, but, I think that you would like to 'smack me down', ralph. I think you would like to smack me down and you're projecting that onto the entire population of the United States of America. You like to think of me visiting the States and getting smacked down by everyone I meet. In fact, this image is so strong in your mind that you can't imagine a reality where I could not visit the United States of America without being smacked down, by everyone, almost immediately. Really, though, I think it's you who would like to smack me down, ralph...
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
That was from froopy? I hadn't noticed initially. lol. No wonder it was the only funny one in the bunch! LOL!

Ooh, that sounds a bit desperate, ralph. Are you desperate, ralph? Are you feeling alone?
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
It seems to me, ralph, that you like to imagine an America where everyone is in accord with you, where everyone shares your attitudes and behaviours. It feels to me that you crave society, ralph, yet you can't meet society on its own terms, so you hide away. All that diversity and difference, all that challenging stuff that you can't control. All that freedom, all those ideas, all those people. Does it get scary, ralph? Does it get confusing?
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
Oh jesus. Oh fuck. Let me wipe the tears from my eyes. These two threads, Benway with AIDS and Ralph's holiday snaps, these are the funniest things I've seen all week. You guys, you guys. And you Ralph, brilliant, absolutely brilliant, you play the part of floundering buffoon so well it's frightening. I salute you.
 
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
I've been to Grand Prix parties in Lisbon, hip-hop gigs in the banlieues of Paris, drifted around the 'forbidden' Arab neighbourhoods of Marseille, swum in the sea while the junkies shot up yards away in Barcelonetta...

I'm a bit nervous about this Sunday night actually. I'm flying in late to one of those obscure airports that the cheapo airlines use, so I booked a local hotel for the night.

Turns out it's in Bury St Edmonds Straße, which is presumably the forbidden Suffolk neighbourhood of Nordrhein-Westfalen.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by dang65:


Turns out it's in Bury St Edmonds Straße, which is presumably the forbidden Suffolk neighbourhood of Nordrhein-Westfalen.

Bury St Edmonds? Spelt wrong, isn't it? Unless it has something to do with Noel...

Bury St Edmunds is famous for witches, though. Wanna be careful of witches.
 
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
 
I just want to point out that one of the first band meetings I had with Misc was in a gay bar. I just really fucking like jokes about bums and bumming. I'm totally pro-the gay. The cake is a lie.
 
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
Bury St Edmonds? Spelt wrong, isn't it? Unless it has something to do with Noel...

Yes, spelt wrong by me. Must be some kind of subconscious desire thing.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
I think, ralph, and correct me if I'm wrong, but, I think that you would like to 'smack me down', ralph.

You're wrong. I'm a lover, not a fighter.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by McDirts:
And you Ralph, brilliant, absolutely brilliant, you play the part of floundering buffoon so well it's frightening. I salute you.

Thanks, dude. I knew you'd get it.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
I find it comforting that ralph has never and will never leave his home country.

I think I'm beginning to understand your confusion, Mask. You probably saw this map:

 -

and thought it was authentic.

It's not.
 
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
 
If I met someone who lived in England and had only been to Wales, I really wouldn't count them as someone who has left their home country.

Although technically they have, it just isn't the same.

Much the same as someone from the USA going to Canada. It's nothing like travelling abroad. It's going to somewhere with the same language and the same culture.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
I find it comforting that ralph has never and will never leave his home country.

I think I'm beginning to understand your confusion, Mask. You probably saw this map:

 -

and thought it was authentic.

It's not.

That is absolutely pathetic. That is a totally, unacceptably shit post, even by your catastrophically subterranean standards.

That may be the worst ever post in the history of TMO.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Cherry In Hove:
If I met someone who lived in England and had only been to Wales, I really wouldn't count them as someone who has left their home country.

Although technically they have, it just isn't the same.

Much the same as someone from the USA going to Canada. It's nothing like travelling abroad. It's going to somewhere with the same language and the same culture.

Yes. Technically they have.

Of *course* a US citizen visting Canada is nothing like travelling abroad. The comparison is absurd. But tmo's collective response was hilarious.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
That may be the worst ever post in the history of TMO.

And then again, it may not be. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, no? What you find repulsive someone else might find lovely.
 
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
Ok, first the bad news. People's reaction to the 'ralph' brand is at an all time low. A poll of 'ralph' users revealed that the words most commonly associated with the brand were 'tedious', 'bovine', 'stultifyingly ill-informed' and 'detatched to the point of autism'. Users found him predictable, wearisome and cliched; an embodiment of their worst pre-conceptions about the United States. The good news is that in world of 21st century fic-suits, personas and memes, identity is fluid and continously dependent on interpretation. Our proposed strategy is to re-invent the 'ralph' brand as a masterful bulletin board terrorist, playing posters like puppets and one step ahead of the pack. The beauty of this approach is that we don't have to expend any time changing our product: it no longer matters that 'ralph' is genuinely incapable of consistent thought, adult behaviour or genuine openmindedness, as long as we continue pushing the message that his lack of all these traits is a deliberate sideways glance at the reader's own preconceptions and that 'ralph' is actually razor-sharp satire of a colossal fuckwit, rather than the real deal. In this way we will seek to reposition the 'ralph' brand from a backwoods dwelling quarter-wit to a gleaming piece of cutting edge performance art."
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
LOL(cELEBRITYaNALrAPEsOLIDgOLDiNGOTS)
 
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
 
Lol(≈)

(≈ is the universal symbol for bacon which is the most valuable currency known to man)
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
What amazes me is that, as a fuckwit, I've been able to remain gainfully employed all these years...
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
What amazes me is that, as a fuckwit, I've been able to remain gainfully employed all these years...

lol(GoodyTumours)

Fucking hell...

[ 13.02.2009, 06:50: Message edited by: Black Mask ]
 
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Cherry In Hove:
Lol(≈)

Yeah, laugh it up. At the moment I'm trying to do something similar for a series of books that is more expensive, less informative than its main competitor and has a stronger brand name. It doesn't help that most of my marketing knowledge comes from watching Stringer Bell in the wire. So far my proposal simply suggests sending the young 'uns out to the corner with some heat.

[ 13.02.2009, 06:55: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]
 
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
What amazes me is that, as a fuckwit, I've been able to remain gainfully employed all these years...

Pfft. It's true that I got sacked because I'd bitten off more than I could chew, but if you want to add 'unambitious' to that list of character defects, be my guest.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
Pfft. It's true that I got sacked because I'd bitten off more than I could chew, but if you want to add 'unambitious' to that list of character defects, be my guest.

W..what? Are you saying I'm unambitious? You're not...are you? No...that wouldn't make sense...
 
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
You're right. I'm sorry. You're not unambitious. Your relentless enthusiasm for knowledge, self-improvement and new experiences shines through in every ecstatic word you right. Sometimes I can't keep track of what new career you're trying your hand at, what your latest project is or what new skill you're trying to learn. i especially admire the way, when your reach is greater than your grasp and things fall over, you dust yourself off, straighten your clothes and dive straight into some other enterprise, ever optimistic about its outcome and confident that there's no such thing as failure, only a new learning experience. I didn't mean to suggest you didn't have that positivity and energy because it sparkles over every post.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
There was that time that I lost my home and had to build another. I think I might have mentioned that somewhere. [Roll Eyes]
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
Sometimes I can't keep track of what new career you're trying your hand at, what your latest project is or what new skill you're trying to learn.

Then let me give you a bit of an update. In the last year, I've learned several new technologies in an attempt to position myself as someone in the firm that can be pretty much called in on any project, be it large or small. Since computer languages come naturally to me, I picked these new technologies up rather quickly, and have alreday been involved in some fairly high profile projects...the kind of projects that upper management monitor closely. I think that in these rough economic times I've solidified my chances of staying here even if the company does decide to downsize.

[ 13.02.2009, 07:30: Message edited by: ralph ]
 
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
In all honesty - and I've said this before - I think building your home is a great achievement, and I don't really want to denigrate it by sort of suggesting that you approached it with a plodding, resigned sense of doom that I don't normally associate with ambition. And well... well done for aspiring to stay in your current job - that's fantastic stuff, but reign it in a bit yeah, because you know what happened to Macbeth, eh.
 
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
Anway, I'm sure your family benefits from having someone who's dependable rather than flighty and unfocussed.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
Well, as far as the house goes, what choice did I have really? I did nothing more than any other man would have done. Same with the job, really. Living where I live, even having a 45 mile one-way commute to the office, it's an ideal position for me. I can't afford to lose it, otherwise I'd be looking at driving 90 miles one-way to Boston each day.

Remind me again when you're expecting your little bundle of joy? You're in for some serious life changes dude. And a lot of the time it won't seem like it's worth it. But it is. It really is. I wouldn't trade my unfinished house, wife, and kids, for anything.

My daughter, last January, approx. three hours old.
 -
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
Oh, no! A baby picture! You'll have to take it all back now, Thorn!

Sorry, ralph! Sorry for everything I've ever said to ever. You win. Can't trump a baby picture.
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:

 -

Fucking hell, ralph! What happened? Did you drop it or something?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
Poor Black Mask. Hard to believe you have kids. I think you probably made them up. [Frown]
 
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
..the kind of projects that upper management monitor closely.

Presumably internet usage isn't monitored so closely as your work then?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by New Way Of Decay:
Presumably internet usage isn't monitored so closely as your work then?

heh. no, not that closely.
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
It must be amazing to be Ralph. Or even be friends with him. Or even, after a hard day's work on the house, to take off your sweat-stained shirt, meet Ralph's gaze longingly and fuck each other hard in the ass, with reach-arounds.

takes a moment to ponder this

[ 13.02.2009, 09:06: Message edited by: Suckmonster ]
 
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
reign it in a bit yeah, because you know what happened to Macbeth, eh.

Lol (£$ [Smile] )

[ 13.02.2009, 09:04: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
 
Posted by Samuelnorton (Member # 48) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by dang65:
Turns out it's in Bury St Edmonds Straße, which is presumably the forbidden Suffolk neighbourhood of Nordrhein-Westfalen.

Interesting factoid:

Kevelaer is twinned with Bury St. Edmunds, where I used to live back in the 1980s. Bury St. E is in turn twinned with Compiegne, where Nightowl's parents live.

Though I won't let this interesting but dull fact ruin what has been a thoroughly entertaining thread!
 
Posted by My Name Is Joe (Member # 530) on :
 
Is Ralph the guy who punched Kovacs?
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
That was Roy, wasn't it?
Ralph only punches blokes in the arse. If you know what I mean?
I mean he likes to fist men. In the arse.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by My Name Is Joe:
Is Ralph the guy who punched Kovacs?

That was Roy.
 
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
 
Alright, MinJ?
 
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
That was Roy.

I think the confusion is that Ralph took on Roy's moniker on other forums after Roy left. Meaning people call him Roy sometimes. I know *holds head in hands*
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
He nicked Roy's posts as well. If Roy ever gets hold of him there'll be sweet merry hell to pay.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by McDirts:
posts

One post. ONE POST. And I posted it on a forum I NEVER MEANT TO STAY ON.

Blame Honeybaby.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by New Way Of Decay:
other forums

One forum. ONE FORUM. Blame Honeybaby.
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
In his bid to stalk Honeybaby (furthering his campaign of hate against all Women on the Internet) he posted Roy's post about Sado Masochistic Sex, passing it off as his own.
Then he stayed on our site, T'Other Place, and like some hideous parasite began destroying it from the inside, leaving it the husk of a site it is now.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
no no no. honeybaby was the one who posted a link to t'other place here at tmo. let me find the stupid thread.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
the husk part is true though [Frown]
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
he destroys
 -
 
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
 
Honeybaby was a bit of a cracker, wasn't she?
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
enough with the bumming jokes.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
look...I can't find it, ok? But it was all honeybaby. Back me up here, nwod. You were there. You registered and posted at t'other place briefly. Tell him it wasn't me...
 
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
 
Hmmm, I've got a dilemma where I can vindicate an innocent party here. On the other hand the party is ralph. Man o man, decisions.
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
Nail the fucker
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
heh.

Hey nwod...were you Lambert recently at t'other place? It's ok...you can tell me...
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
although I remember you at T'Other Place
 
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
 
Does anybody actually care?

It's all so tawdry.
 
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
 
I'm faithful to the Dragon.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
I think the three of us discussing it care a little bit. If this thread has turned into something that doesn't interest you, might I suggest you check out some of the threads over in games?
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
some people, jeez.
 
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
 
I'm just saying.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
Does anybody actually care?
 
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
 
Not really but I'm trying not to make any bum jokes, obvs.
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
What do you call a man with 10 arseholes?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
popular at the McDirts residence?
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
Why?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
'cause you're gay?
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
Even if I was gay, why would I be interested in some kind of genetic freak? A man with ten arseholes would be hideous, an awful, awful thing. I know in your fevered imaginings all gay men are at it all the time and their world (and yours it seems) is all about arseholes and how to fill them, but in reality gay sex can be as much about the individual and attraction to them as a person rather than the number of arseholes they can bring to the table.
Christ Ralph. You're a bit weird sometimes, you know that?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
so what's the punchline to your joke?
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
I was throwing it out to the board as a whole and NWoD in particular.
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
See, if he "punches" another bloke in the arse, that's a bit like he's fisting him. In the arse. Like a gay.
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
CHRIST.

This place was a bit of a sanctuary from T'Other Place. A chance for witty banter and challenging debate. If you two are going to infect this oasis of intellect with your dribbling and puerile inanities and destroy it like you did there then I may as well leave now.
 
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
 
Don't go McDirts! First Kovacs a-and now you?... [Frown]
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
Are you saying I'm not witty, you utter fucking bastard?
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
Not just not witty, nay, witless I'd vouchsafe Sucko, Wit-Less. Devoid of wit, a wit vacuum.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
Worse than me? Come on...you know he is...
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
He's not even close to your level of inverse wittery.
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
At least I'm not a homo.
 
Posted by Samuelnorton (Member # 48) on :
 
I'd love to meet that Roy fellow and give him a pat on the back. I'd also ask him to punch Kovacs again.

[Mad]
 
Posted by Samuelnorton (Member # 48) on :
 
Hard.
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
was Kovacs a **** then?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
I liked kovacs. Was just chatting with him briefly at t'other other place late last week.
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
what t'other place?
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Suckmonster:
At least I'm not a homo.

that's not strictly true now, is it? El Homm?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by McDirts:
what t'other place?

I'll pm you at t'other place...
 
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by McDirts:
was Kovacs a **** then?

A lot of people thought so. Blisteringly funny, often ruthlessly cruel and mercilessly smart. You'd have liked him. Imagine the clever insight and mercurial transformations of Big Nuts/ Kanye West etc, but stripped of their warm, melancholy humanity and replaced with an unfeeling hyper-alloy endoskeleton. Sorry, I'm getting all wistful, but ignore what anyone else might say because Kovacs was brilliant.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
I'm sure he still is brilliant.

What a marvelous description of him, Thorn. Utterly marvelous. I wish I had your way with words. Or even Roys way with words for that matter.
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
so why did Roy hit him? Because he was slightly unhinged?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
give me a sec and I'll link to the thread....
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
here you go mate
 
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
 
You know, that thread left me with a sort of gaping disbelief the first time - an effect that seems only to have gotten a bit more acute with time. Jesus.
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
that's actually a bit disturbing. However, they knew each other as kids? I thought it was two strangers meeting off a board, which would've been more disturbing.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Samuelnorton:
I'd love to meet that Roy fellow and give him a pat on the back. I'd also ask him to punch Kovacs again.

[Mad]

Hi Rick. kovacs asked me to paste this response from him to you.

quote:

hi ralph

Could you pass on a message to Rick J of TMO please. Tell him I'm sorry he clearly feels so bitter about the scolding I gave him last week in front of his braindead league of Daily Mailettes on Handbag, but that he is such a loathsome, pathetic figure, like a mannequin actually carved out of actual shit, that it is every decent human being's duty to smack him down regularly, and the only reason I don't do it more often is because some of the shit rubs off every time you deal with people like him. Could you tell him please that he is like a little jewish golem carved from living excrement, and that despite my utter distaste for him, I would not hesitate to actually beat that living excrement out of him with my bare hands if I see him in the flesh again.

yours ever
kovacs

don't shoot me....I'm just the messenger...
 
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
 
I know I'm going to regret asking this, but what other place are you going on about?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
Which other place? The other place? Or the other other place?

eta: I forgot. You already are a member at the other other place. Just not the other place, which quite frankly would be a waste of your time.

[ 13.02.2009, 13:31: Message edited by: ralph ]
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
Yeah, you don't want to be at the Other Place. It's shit.
 
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
 
Look, either say what these websites are or stfu about them because you just sound like a cock with this 'other place' bollocks. Nobody is impressed that you post on another forum, so talking about it like it's some kind of special secret club is just lame as fuck.

Seriously.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
lol

other place

other other place

Maybe the other place just needs some new blood, McDirts.
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
You lot know where we came from. Most of you have had a look at it. It's crap. It's me, Roy, Suckmon, Lilo and a couple of other regulars insulting each other.
No secret.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by McDirts:
and a couple of other regulars insulting each other

What other regulars? I think you listed everyone by name.
 
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
 
Cyn, Parisano, Stella
 
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
 
Wow, it's like a world where all the posts are five words or less. Is that a rule? It puts the one-liners (which don't stick out here on TMO the way they once would) into perspective.

Or to put it another way, it's as if someone started from this and extrapolated to build a forum.

Hebedoo-hehboo-hai-badee.
 
Posted by Samuelnorton (Member # 48) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted Stillman/Kovacs/Vegas/fuckknowswhatelse and passed on by ralph:
hi ralph

Could you pass on a message to Rick J of TMO please. Tell him I'm sorry he clearly feels so bitter about the scolding I gave him last week in front of his braindead league of Daily Mailettes on Handbag, but that he is such a loathsome, pathetic figure, like a mannequin actually carved out of actual shit, that it is every decent human being's duty to smack him down regularly, and the only reason I don't do it more often is because some of the shit rubs off every time you deal with people like him. Could you tell him please that he is like a little jewish golem carved from living excrement, and that despite my utter distaste for him, I would not hesitate to actually beat that living excrement out of him with my bare hands if I see him in the flesh again.

yours ever
kovacs

So, he wrote this eh? Well, I'm not in the habit of shooting messengers, so there's no reason I'd have a pop at you Ralph.

I would say that this just utterly bizarre. Why he couldn't say this to me directly is beyond me, but then he was always a bit of a sneak. An intriguer, a shit-stirrer, a meddler, one who plays at being mates but is in reality sharpening his little knife to stab you in the back. "In the interests of I don't know what, curiosity and open-mindedness". Or something.

Maybe you could send this little reply back - you could tell him that I frankly couldn't give a tinker's damn about his little "scolding" outburst - and that those who dislike him also include many who wouldn't be seen dead in my "Daily Mailette" (lol) groupie gang.

I was actually more annoyed at his laying into me to his own little captive audience - on a forum he knows I don't frequent. He is one to talk about having a gaggle of followers, the hypocritical c*nt.

I can understand why his childhood mate Roy lamped him not once but twice. It was probably that snide, curled lip that betrays the fact that he is only being nice to see how far he can go. To see how far he can push things without it all going awry.

Oh, and Jones sends his regards btw.

[ 13.02.2009, 16:53: Message edited by: Samuelnorton ]
 
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
This is becoming a bit like a Jacobean tragedy.

It's certainly tragic.
 
Posted by Samuelnorton (Member # 48) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Black Mask:
It's certainly tragic.

Oh I agree. And not just tragic, but bizarre. Tragically bizarre. Or bizarrely tragic.
 
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
 
quote:
like a mannequin actually carved out of actual shit,
Reminds me of how Raz described Zippy from rainbow (popular childrens television in 80s)
 
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
 
This thread is quite a bit funny and a little bit sad.
 
Posted by Suckmonster (Member # 8246) on :
 
This thread wants a bullet put in it. Fo' shizzle.
 


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