Banal observations? Flippant comments? Random observations about kidspawn? Yes, it's all here in
The Displaced Facebook Status Thread
(Picture those words on a marquis above a red carpet with blinking white lights sequencing around it. Coming to you live (portions pre-recorded) from somewhere within an hour's drive of Hollywood.)
For the next week, this thread will become the home for everything I would otherwise have put on Facebook, Twitter, etc. But even better, the stuff I can't post to the other places because I feel some misguided obligation to maintain a facade of taste and decorum, which is to say I can post the off-color and offensive stuff here with a considerably lower risk of being sacked.
So there you have it. Join in if you're ... reading this and are so inclined. We'll show Facetwit who's boss. Together.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
I might need further guidance on which marquis I'm supposed to be picturing, but best of luck with this.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
ben is stressed at work!!! Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
Darryn.R is happy it's the weekend and he might get to spend some time in the garden in the sun
If only I didn't have to spend Saturday morning in the garden centre
[ 15.04.2011, 12:24: Message edited by: Darryn.R ]
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
Just got off the phone with a woman who insists her former neighbor is tracking her, has hired dozens of plainclothes operatives to follow her around and is shining lasers into her house at all hours of the day and night. Oh, and there are helicopters involved that sometimes swoop down out of the sky to chase away the laser-wielding operatives.
There are always helicopters involved. They are not always black, though the best ones are.
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
quote:Originally posted by dang65: I might need further guidance on which marquis I'm supposed to be picturing, but best of luck with this.
Well, I had pictured something like this
but I suppose something like this would also do Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
There's just no good reason for me to be in the office at this hour on a Friday night. Plus, I'm working Sunday morning too. So will someone please explain to me what this thing called a weekend is all about?
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
has spent the bulk of the day inside his own head, which is not a particularly pleasant place to be. Unfortunately, the alternatives are either unavailable or even less attractive.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
You could always spend the day inside a dictionary.
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
I have a copy of Black's Law Dictionary on my desk. It is opened in cases of last resort, usually corresponding to Total Google Failure.
I'd offer to quote from it, but I suspect that would violate several of the Geneva conventions.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
ben is looking forward to a large glass of wine after a stressed day at work!!! Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
is wondering how to get the taste of rubberized latex out of one's mouth.
...
from blowing up party balloons, of course.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
ben is at work, stressing about all these Bank Holidays!!! Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Hi everyone. It's a nice day, isn't it. I'm tempted to go drinking in Londontown somewhere.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
I'll keep you all posted about what I decide.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
SG5 can't wait for this week to end!
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
Oh. I'm not called SG5 on this site any more. I forgot about that.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
I hope you enjoy your drink Mart. I am refusing to go out for lunch as I won't want to come back to the office.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
ben is peering desperatly into the mirror, wondering where he went wr
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
No definite news on the whole going-out-for-a-drink issue as yet.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
Your name is 'tram' spelled backwards, so I think you should go the other direction from Croydon. If that helps at all with your decision.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
What's Croydon got to do with me going for a drink?
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
SCREAM! I'm in Soho. We could have an impromptu meat.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
*tumbleweed*
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Cool! Who's in?
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart: What's Croydon got to do with me going for a drink?
Croydon is world famous for having a tram, and I just took that as a clear sign that you shouldn't go there, because 'mart' is 'tram' backwards.
Also, 'lager' is 'regal' backwards, so don't go to the royal wedding either. If you need any other advice on places not to go then just think of some words and see if they spell anything backwards.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
Looks like you've pulled anyway, so I'll shut up now.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
I'm only here because Amazon EC2's down anyway, so I've got nowhere cool to go.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Right well I'm heading to London Bridge/somewhere more central for a pint, if anyone fancies it.
[ 21.04.2011, 17:54: Message edited by: mart ]
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
CiH is getting 10 tonnes of soil delivered today. That's a lot of soil!
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
That is a lot of soil. Where will it have come from, I wonder.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
I'm just nicking it from my neighbour's garden. I'm sure they won't notice a 10 ton hole Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
To clarify: The hole won't weight 10 tonnes. The soil removed will be 10 tonnes. I just don't know what dimension of hole that will produce.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
Oh. Only just over 100 posts from 5k!
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Any news on the, ah, pedology front, Cherry?
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
We're in the earliest stages of considering a move again, a whole year and a half after landing in southern California. This next move, led by rooster's possible post-doc or similar engagement at some uni somewhere, has so far produced two top options: Australia (Melbourne) or Belgium (Ghent). Wonder what a good third option might be.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
That sounds ace. Are you interested in a third option because you don't like the sound of the other two, or just to see where else in this crazy ole world you might end up?
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
Not sure. Part of the reason we're considering the year (or more?) abroad is for the language exposure - and while you could argue Australian is a foreign language (you could also make the same argument about talking American, I guess), the appeal of Belgium is the immersion in Dutch/French.
Earlier on, we had talked about Japan being an option, but that's somewhat less appealing at the moment. Though on the positive side, I suppose it may be a bit less crowded than it used to be?
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
And you might develop super powers.
With regards to pedology - 10 tonnes of soil was delivered and laid last week.
1.2 tonnes of turf was delivered yesterday and has been laid now so hoepfully it will rain soon as otherwise I'm going to be running a sprinkler pretty much 24/7.
Next step is decking and pergola.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
quote:Originally posted by froopyscot: I guess), the appeal of Belgium is the immersion in Dutch/French.
you could end up in the part of belgium where they speak flemish. noone wants to be immersed in flem.
i havent posted for nine months or something and the first thing that enocurages me to log in is the chance to make a spit joke. plus ca change.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
This thread made me google pedology. Thanks to mart I have discovered a word. Thanks mart!
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
H1ppy is wanting to win the Euromillions tomorrow, pleasethankyouverymuch. And then start an evil empire.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: H1ppy is wanting to win the Euromillions tomorrow, pleasethankyouverymuch. And then start an evil empire.
Oh, weird coincidence, I just mentioned that on the other thread. Those adverts must be really getting to us.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
I won! Unfortunately I don't think I'll get very far with my evil empire on my winnings of £7.50.
Posted by Octavia (Member # 398) on :
Hooray @ the resurrection of TMO!! I'm so happy not to be getting a "404 this domain has expired" message. Does someone need money? (haven't read the other threads yet so it may be there, I'm just gurgling with pleasure at seeing an old friend restored to life).
For the purposes of facebook my status would be 'Great meeting with new guy at work - really have confidence he'll deliver' However, this would be a deliberate untruth, specifically tailored for the small handful of work people who've insisted on 'friending' me on faecebook. My status were I to post it would read: "Lied cheerfully and comprehensively about plans to return to work after maternity leave, was rude to the wrong people about the wrong people and patronised the pole-up-his-bum fatso who's supposed to be filling in for me. Fed my daughter a dangerous amount of fruit and am crossing fingers the results are on Thorn's watch not mine. Great morning." TMO is so liberating!
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
I said 'retarded' in a facebook comment, and was told off. Thank god for Teemo.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Who told you off? The Facebook or one of your 'friends'?
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
A 'friend'. She said 'some terms are not acceptable'. It all went a bit tumbleweedy after that.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Can I also just say:
It's hailing. How bizarre.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
It's like Nature is mad at you for your retardism.
[ 26.05.2011, 11:26: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Is it like a mini-Rapture?
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
I've not really taken much notice of this end of the world stuff but I am curious about one thing: was Debbie Harry was booked for desert island discs for reasons of topicality?
[ 26.05.2011, 11:28: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: was Debbie Harry was booked for desert island discs for reasons of topicality?
Roger Waters is on next week. I don't know if that's anything to do with the current global financial crisis.
Posted by Octavia (Member # 398) on :
They're asking 'members of the public' to send in their Desert Island choices. Does this mean they've finally run out of slebs to give copies of Shakespeare and the Bible to.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
The thing I hate most about faecebook is that while I get angry at other people's banal and self-aggrandising status updates I find that I'm drawn into doing exactly the same thing. It's so degrading logging on at 6am to see who commented on some shitty blog post or video, and considering divorcing friends that I've know for 15 years or more because they failed to adequately 'like' something posted ot my wall.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Ooh yes. It feeds the needy twerp within. Sometimes a real life person will say 'oh, I liked your FB comment', or whatever, and I think 'well why didn't you say so online for everyone else to see and affirm my existence'.
I'm far too needy for Twitter. It's like shouting into a canyon. No-one ever answers me. You can't have a conversation as you only see one third of the people having it, so I feel like a schoolgirl again, at the edge of a gang, hoping someone will invite me in. I don't like to just 'follow' people that my few twitter friends are following, as it looks weird, yet I get followed by some total nutjob Midwest evangelists, who list their hobbies as 'monogamy'. Or content providers. Or some shit like that.
I just don't get it. It's main appeal is reading other people bitching about the Apprentice.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
Hey. One of my hobbies is monogomy. It's a pretty good hobby to have.
Cherry In Hove is excited that his decking and pergola will be fully installed by the end of the day!
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Herbs is almost in tears with excitement at the prospect of going on holiday. To somewhere with alpacas. And a trampoline. And a catering service. And babysitters.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
They should combine all that and have babysitting alpacas eating catered food on a trampoline. That would be quite a show.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
There's a pool too. And tennis courts. And soft play. *brain explodes*
Posted by Octavia (Member # 398) on :
Alpacas! OOh! They make luscious wool! Thorn has one-and-a-plan sweaters knitted out of it.
I always visualise twitter as a vast aircraft hangar full of people all shouting at the same time. Some of them will be shouting about the same sort of stuff, but it's luck whether you bump into an interesting viewpoint or get anyone to agree that yours is of any value. I hate it and I really hope something good comes along to replace it.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: Herbs is almost in tears with excitement at the prospect of going on holiday. To somewhere with alpacas. And a trampoline. And a catering service. And babysitters. There's a pool too. And tennis courts. And soft play. *brain explodes*
Centre Parcs at Machu Picchu? It's pretty good, but they make you pay for the extras, and keep any toddlers away from the man in the robes at the top of the pyramid thing.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Facebook, Twitter - they're all just the poorman's SeeMO to me.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
I've never seen Facebook or Twitter produce anything as marvellous as the alphabet thread. or TMO Murder or whatever it was called.
Or SHOW ME WHERE RINGO TOUCHED YOU. Good times. Good times.
Posted by Octavia (Member # 398) on :
Is investigating courses. Some that she has to do like safeguarding children (urgh) and paediatric first aid and others that she can't possibly do because of breastfeeding and being broke, but can fantasise about. Like soap-making. Or joinery. Or Baltimore quilting.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:Originally posted by Octavia: Baltimore quilting.
Well, you learn something new every day. Thanks Google.
Although I had hoped it would have more to do with the drugs trade and drowning by concrete duvet than Maryland needlepoint.
Posted by Brian Munich (Member # 2342) on :
Is sitting in an empty hall waiting for a 'cocktail reception and networking opportunity'. Ogod.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999:
quote:Originally posted by Octavia: Baltimore quilting.
Well, you learn something new every day. Thanks Google.
Although I had hoped it would have more to do with the drugs trade and drowning by concrete duvet than Maryland needlepoint.
Probably they don't do courses on drowning by concrete duvet. I mean, there isn't much that can go wrong unless you get your mix completely cockeyed.
Posted by Octavia (Member # 398) on :
Whoops, that was me, not Thorn.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Google suggests otherwise:
Student learns his lesson the hard way
A gifted student from Hamsterdam University was discovered murdered today following a catastrophic error in his first-year concrete duvet exam. Faced with the simple practical challenge of sealing an unnamed Polish woman up to her neck in concrete mix then drowning her, 21-year-old Baltimore Quilting freshman Leonardo Ottertrust accidently killed his victim before she hit the water.
"Leo covered the Polack's head in cement until she couldn't breathe no more," explained Hamsterdam History Professor Tony Billericay, "It was a history test for Chrissake. He shouldda gived her a message then a Sicilian death kiss then dumped the broad in the drink at the freakin' docks. Then she drowns. Kid had skillz but he fucked up big time. Ain't no Damn student. Had to be whacked"
[ 09.06.2011, 09:15: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Octavia (Member # 398) on :
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