So, there I was at Chateaux When last night, grabbing some food before doing a bit of DIY. As I don't have a TV, I tend to watch most of my televisual entertainment (and, to be fair, that ain't a lot) on iPlayer.
I spotted "I Believe In UFOs" and thought it looked like something interesting to watch whilst I had my dinner of beef stew & dumplings. I'd never heard of the presenter, but was promised a bit of Patrick Moore and some geeky UFO-related entertainment - possibly even a glimpse of some "evidence". Ideal funtertainment for dinnertime.
Who the FUCK is Danny Dyer? Don't answer that, it's a rhetorical question, I've since found out via the magic of the interweb.
I watched the first few minutes of the show open mouthed, as gradually cooling beef stew dripped from my fork, poised halfway between plate and face. Then it clicked - this is something Chris-Morris-esque, dredging a Nathan-Barley-style mockney character into the mainstream and bringing a badly-scripted minor villain from a Guy Ritchie movie into "the real world". Ha ha. Good one.
As the program progressed ("Fackin' 'ell, it's Patrick Mowah, 'ee's a fakkin' geezah, lookin' at stars an' shit!") it became apparent that it wasn't a tongue-in-cheek parody of the dumbing-down of television... Mr. Dyer is actually like that. And he's on television, getting paid for his insights into the UFO phenomenon ("Crop circuls? What the facks vat all abaht ven?").
OK, admittedly, not having a TV means I don't actually pay the Licence Fee, so I can't really moan too much... but, I mean, what on earth were they thinking? Is he for real? They even let him go to America, to spew his vernacular onto another continent.
Don't get me wrong, it's not because he's a cockney... it's not even that he's better looking and got more money than me... it's that he's a cock, and someone let him present (with talking!) a television program, that surprised and disappointed me.
It's at times like this I remember why I stopped watching broadcast TV and cancelled my Licence.
[ 29.01.2010, 04:35: Message edited by: Doctor Agamemnon When ]
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
You should have seen Danny Dyer's Deadliest Men. Each episode was basically an hour of Dyer talking to fat, red-faced skinhead ***** in pubs, going on about how they could knock him out with one swing of the gold-chain-laiden hulk of kebab meat which passes for their arm. And how they love to get into fights at football matches. It's literally the worst thing that has been on TV, ever.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
I quite liked danny dyers deadliest men.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
That makes sense. I was about to post something like 'I bet Benway loved it'.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
After all, being a fat-headed violent moron with a near-fatal lack of gorm is a lot more authentic than being a placid man who likes cooking.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
I studied that whole football firm thing.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
authenticity though is a strange thing isn't it. It seems a bit C20th in some respects, but I can't help feeling that it's relevant in terms of how people and brands are being blended together by social networking.
[ 29.01.2010, 06:22: Message edited by: Kanye West ]
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
I just read a thing that made me think of you, Benway. It was about how the lack of an authentic middle class in the Middle East (caused by the West hanging out and sort of ruining stuff) led to the rise in fundamentalism. The phrase 'authentic middle class' was what made me think of you. And the fact (not opinion: FACT) that if your precious working class is left to its own devices then what we end up with is burkhas and suicide bombers. Nice one Benway. Nice one Danny Dyer. Nice one.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Buying nice plates and cooking a duck seems quite harmless, when the alternative is death by machete and daily murders in the marketplace.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
I haven't cooked a duck for years.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
May be that's why there's been a surge in knife crime. You should cook a duck before it escalates into suicide bombing.
Contrary to what Dr Benway says, doing so doesn't mean you're aggressive, self centred, alienated from your family and community, or racist.
[ 29.01.2010, 06:43: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
[aside: I thought you were "required" to have a TV licence even if you were watching BBC content via iPlayer or web-streaming? Is this not the case?]
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: [aside: I thought you were "required" to have a TV licence even if you were watching BBC content via iPlayer or web-streaming? Is this not the case?]
You don't need a license if you only use iPlayer as you aren't watching programmes 'live' i.e. as they're broadcast.
[ 29.01.2010, 06:46: Message edited by: MiscellaneousFiles ]
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
yeah, thats a fact. i once had to try and explain to a tv licensing person that, no i didnt have a telly or the internet, seriously, for real, and they were audibly bewildered. i might as well have told them that i walked around clad in animal skins and lived on roots and shoots. 'under 70... does not engage with in- home televisual entertainment... what do you do?' im glad that question was never directly asked because the answer would of course have been 'knitting, cranking, staring at walls'.
[ 29.01.2010, 06:50: Message edited by: dance margarita ]
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: I just read a thing that made me think of you, Benway. It was about how the lack of an authentic middle class in the Middle East (caused by the West hanging out and sort of ruining stuff) led to the rise in fundamentalism.
right. that's more of a 'natural' middle class than an 'authentic' one.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
if youre ever feeling like youre not fond enough of kanye west, and need to get more in touch with your naturally occurring reserves of affection for him, you should defintiely try having a face- to- face conversation about danny dyer's deadliest men. its a pretty life- affirming experience.
[ 29.01.2010, 06:54: Message edited by: dance margarita ]
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by Kanye West: right. that's more of a 'natural' middle class than an 'authentic' one.
This guy used the phrase 'authentic'.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: Buying nice plates and cooking a duck seems quite harmless
seems harmless enough on the surface, but dig a little deeper, and it's basically cultural eugenics.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Well, it's that or suicide bombers.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
That's not really fair is it? I think we've learned something recently and it's the higher classes who murder their children in portugal/put the bodies in the boot of the car. The working class simply get them crunked up a bit on medicine from Boots and hide them in their immediate families MFI furniture.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Holidaying in Portugal is a pretty working class thing to do.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: That's not really fair is it? I think we've learned something recently and it's the higher classes who murder their children in portugal/put the bodies in the boot of the car.
I don't know much at all about the boot of the car case, but I was just curious as to how you arrived at the conclusion that the mother was upper or middle class.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
The daily mail wouldn't get behind a campaign to find a missing working class child
FACT
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
I don't mean the little blonde girl one from Portugal, I mean the thing with the kids in the holdall. I don't know much about the woman involved, and I was curious as to why NWoD had pegged her as middle or upper class.
Posted by Doctor Agamemnon When (Member # 189) on :
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: Is this not the case?]
Like Misc. said... it's only for "live" TV, and I don't watch that.
I do, however, have a lovely monitor to watch DVDs and said iPlayer/4oD downloads on. 4oD is pretty good - it's got nice things like Black Books and Father Ted you can watch anytime.
I'm glad it's not just me who thinks Dwyerish television is a bad thing. I'd quite like to watch the outtakes from that Deadliest Men, just for the uncomfortable bits where Danny makes a bit of a hooligan faux pas and there's a long silence full of dead-eyed stares whilst a little bit of wee trickles down his trouserleg.
Wasn't there some other cockney actor doing something televisual with violent football thugs?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Well, I know there's always a bit of grey area, but she worked for a bank and had a fairly well to do husband. One moment.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Insurance Manager for Lloyds.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
You'll be pleassed to know googling 'Kids in boots' will take you to an article, rather than an alternative christmas panto.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: Well, I know there's always a bit of grey area, but she worked for a bank and had a fairly well to do husband. One moment.
So if it comes down to personal wealth and job title, does that mean I was working class after university while I cleaned computer monitors for £3.50 an hour?
Also I'm certain that plenty of well-to-do people identify as working class.
Posted by Doctor Agamemnon When (Member # 189) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: googling 'Kids in boots'
I sure as hell ain't trying that at work.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: So if it comes down to personal wealth and job title, does that mean I was working class after university while I cleaned computer monitors for £3.50 an hour?
Also I'm certain that plenty of well-to-do people identify as working class.
Well, you see the thing is that there is no real answer to that, because my girlfriend's friend has millionaire parents but still worked shitty jobs to help her through University. Admittedly, she would then somehow magically be able to afford to buy two scarves, one green and one purple at £90.00 each so I don't think roughing it with the Poorhouses suddenly aligns someone with the category of the working class. I understand it factors a number of things, social groups, behavioral patterns, political beliefs, financial stability, where you live, what you dress like and more. I don't think someone necessarily remain in one group either all of their lives. Distinguishing can be difficult, so sometimes I suppose it must ALL be subjective. I know something: it sure as fuck wasn't the upper-classes attacking my girlfriend late at night. Not the stereotypes anyhow.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I've just spent an hour fixing some dudes shit and re-read that last line. Imagine if it was the upper-class, like a Monty Python sketch, attacking Pia. People with bowler hats and briefcases.