It's Wednesday! And a long and hard day lies ahed of us. To put a smile on your face, please see this picture of tv chef Jamie Oliver ===> The pic was taken at last night's National Television Awards and is the first visual proof we have of the long-circulated rumour that Jamie is regularly subjected to beatings and torture by his abusive partner, Jules Oliver. Sources close to the couple say that as well as the visible signs of abuse Jamie also has a number of 'suspicious looking' cigarette burns on his back, ribcage and inner thighs.
Post something - a pic, a droll thought... anything really - to make the rest of us smile. Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
cam ere jamie you cant.
stop flapping your schtoopid lips arraand and facking listen for a change. i ain't puttin ap wiv you poncin arraand wiv dinna ladies or turkey drammers or whateva the fack it is you do anymowah. i've ad enaff of givin birf to your orrid spawn, and it's abaht time i gave you what fowah.
*grabs le creuset saute pan*
spang!
naah let vat be a lesson to you, cant!
brr.
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
nb: subsequent posters may wish to demonstrate more imagination than simply elaborating on ben's original post.
*shame*
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Yes. I would say I expected better of you but that would be a filthy lie.
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
.
[ 26.10.2005, 03:45: Message edited by: omikin ]
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
.
[ 26.10.2005, 03:45: Message edited by: omikin ]
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
someone please rescue this from me.
[ 26.10.2005, 03:46: Message edited by: omikin ]
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
I'd like to post a link to a BBC news story relating how Margaret Thatcher had 'tragically' drowned after falling into a gigantic vat of miners' shit... but, I can't.
So, instead, here's one of my favourite uplifting images.
Have a nice day!
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
That reminds me... I've told you all about the time my Dad had to be physically restrained from punching the shit out of Jamie Oliver in Portobello, haven't I? Well, it's the great man's birthday today and he's sitting in my kitchen, right now, playing beyblades with his grandsons. Happy Birthday Grandpa Mask!
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
happy birthday Grandpa Mask
[img] http://www.islandfm.guernsey.net/images/Gallery/Full%20Size%20Photos/Big%20Kid's%20Day%202004/Batman%20&%20Robin/CIMG0566.JPG [/img][admin edit] it's just buggered, sorry. For the record it is a picture of a grown man dressed as Batman, smiling, but it's location is too convoluted [/admin edit]
thank you for giving us Black Mask, sir you would think I could do ubb after so long
[ 26.10.2005, 06:45: Message edited by: Damon's Off ]
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
lol pathetic... makes Omikin look good
someone fix it please? I have to go to work the thought was there
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
i see a rubbish post there, kojackx
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
quote:Originally posted by kovacs: makes Omikin look good
New tag for Kovacs?
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
[ 26.10.2005, 04:37: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
Billie Piper, collecting awards for Doctor Who last night. Dress by Versace, smile by fictional company "Axis Chemicals"
[ 26.10.2005, 04:30: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
fucking hell, first kovacs, now jonesy!
have all tmo's former finest gone to cock?
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
lol(japanese yen)@benway
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by omikin: (japanese yen)
lol(swedish yen)@ omikin
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
lol(scotch yen)@own stupidity
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
when did billie have that second head grafted on?
i can kinda see the attraction now...
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Jonesy posts am teh |337est win / No fule else even gets a Look In.
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
Christopher Eccleston was not on hand to collect his 'Best Actor' award, as he was concerned about being typecast.
"Once the public see you collect an award once," The actor said "It sets a precedent and before you know it, I'll be Chris Eccleston 'The awards guy'"
Eccleston, who previous work has included not being typecast in Cracker, not being typecast in Our Friends In The North and not being typecast as a baddie in Gone In 60 Seconds, apologised to the shows organisers.
"The art has to come first" He shrugged. "Sorry"
Posted by pettibone (Member # 838) on :
I'd post something about this 419 scam song, but my skills are fucked because of Thorn Davis' birthday, and I don't know what I did wrong.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
LoL@Roy "Roy" Roy.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Smile at this, TMO. I awoke this morning to find it had snowed an inch overnight. Snow. On October 26. Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
Blame Bush and his non-ratification of Kyoto.
a little bit of politics there... Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: Blame Bush and his non-ratification of Kyoto.
That didn't make me smile at all. I'm all full of anti Bush rage now. Way to post in the spirit of the thread.
[ 26.10.2005, 07:55: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
This will make you smile: The BP office have just called me and told me that as I have a exemplary safety record, they're giving me a T-Shirt!
Man, all the other contractors are going to be so jealous as I stride around the compound in my BP health and safety T-Shirt.
When I asked the guy if there was going to be a ceremony he just went 'No' and hung up.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
sounds like you were being a little sarcastic there, Roy.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
That did make me smile. Way to go, Roy! A t-shirt! Impressive.
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
Couldn't have done it without you guys. If I was actually doing work instead of posting on TMO, I might have had an accident or something.
*group hug*
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: Blame Bush and his non-ratification of Kyoto.
a little bit of politics there...
I read that as Krypto. [Superman's Dog -- ed.] I think I am really falling apart in every realm except Barbelith Comic Books forum, where I'm currently lambasting anti-semitism! Also, on the Conversation, I have come down hard on people doing "Chinese" jokes. Soon they will probably make me a mod, give me a t-shirt etc?
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
quote:Originally posted by kovacs: lambasting anti-semitism!
I reread that as "basting", ie. what you do to a chicken? Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
quote:Originally posted by kovacs:
I saw this as a smiley and wondered why you were so laughing/happy about your mistake, then realised it was the "confused" icon! Is the board playing up today.
eta: a "happy" smiley I mean, sorry I didn't explain very well
[ 26.10.2005, 08:45: Message edited by: kovacs ]
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
??
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
quote:Originally posted by kovacs: Is the board playing up today.
i read this as a question and then realised you hadn't used a question mark.
how strange!
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
Kovacs is malfunctioning. He will now chase us all across the internet like that robot in Westworld.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Roy: Kovacs is malfunctioning. He will now chase us all across the internet like that robot in Westworld.
I thought that's what he'd do if he was functioning properly.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
what is it with the missing question marks. Is it simply a method of interacting while appearing aloof. Or is there another reason.
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: ??
I found yours, Benway.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
found my what, Roy?
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
Question marks
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
i thought you meant "banjo", roy.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
same here... confusing...
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
db Posted by pettibone (Member # 838) on :
quote:Originally posted by Roy: Kovacs is malfunctioning. He will now chase us all across the internet like that robot in Westworld.
Yul Kovacs.
Posted by pettibone (Member # 838) on :
quote:Originally posted by pettibone:
quote:Originally posted by Roy: Kovacs is malfunctioning. He will now chase us all across the internet like that robot in Westworld.
Yul Kovacs.
I saw this and read it as "Yul Kovacs". Positively quaint, that.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
quote:Originally posted by not...: db
Posted by pettibone (Member # 838) on :
quote:Originally posted by Roy: This will make you smile: The BP office have just called me and told me that as I have a exemplary safety record, they're giving me a T-Shirt!
Man, all the other contractors are going to be so jealous as I stride around the compound in my BP health and safety T-Shirt.
When I asked the guy if there was going to be a ceremony he just went 'No' and hung up.
There isn't by any chance a guy called "Handy" Ericson around on the refinery?
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
I don't understand any of this, so I'm going to stand in a tent full of asbestos for an hour and think about it.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
So long as you do it safely.
Posted by Ganesh (Member # 685) on :
quote:Originally posted by kovacs: I think I am really falling apart in every realm except Barbelith Comic Books forum, where I'm currently lambasting anti-semitism! Also, on the Conversation, I have come down hard on people doing "Chinese" jokes. Soon they will probably make me a mod, give me a t-shirt etc?
(Or something.)
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
Yes, you can imagine how my heart sank when I realised Haus was reading TMO. It's not like my Barbelith posts are so stupendous, but some of the things I post on TMO just seem to fall out of my head.
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: what is it with the missing question marks. Is it simply a method of interacting while appearing aloof. Or is there another reason.
Don't know really. It may be force of habit, like doing "O" for "Oh" and "--" for "-". I suppose I see it as a bit of a kovacs "trademark" now.
O yes that's another -- putting words in "scare quotes" when not entirely necessary.
Posted by Ganesh (Member # 685) on :
On an entirely different note, Kovacs, on the Is something wrong with Barbelith? thread, in reminiscing fogey mode, I compared early Barbelith to The Moon Online - and I didn't mean that in a patronising 'we're sooo much more evolved than you' way, but in a 'have we lost stuff of value' way. I'd be interested in your comments on the comparitive strengths and weaknesses of Barbelith and TMO, either here or there.
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
Yeah, I read that comment with interest on the original thread, Ganesh... I only read Barbelith for the first time last year I think, so I can't compare early days. But I'll post on that Babyliss thread in case anyone's interested.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
The moononline is what happens after a messageboard goes supernova.
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
i've always thought of tmo in astronomic terms.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
it seems to be going a bit quiet again. What happened to all those new people? Were they all Fish? All the lurkers who decloaked? What are they doing now? Reading these very words, no doubt. Reading, before hitting 'Back' and 'F5', to see if another of the ten thousand monkeys has come up with something resembling thought. Yes, they're reading now, finger twitching on the mousewheel, dead eyes mining the black Arial gold for just a few seconds of diversion. Maybe - just maybe - they go to add reply, and like Jonesy after the sandwich incident, they struggle and labour over the smallest of posts before deleting, hitting back, and refreshing again.
The fact is that F5 doesn't refresh the boards.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
quote:Originally posted by omikin: i've always thought of tmo in astronomic terms.
I wonder why.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
come on Dr. Benway, who cares! Jesus.
Posted by Kira (Member # 826) on :
The trouble is once you've hit that ultimate high; nothing you or any newbie posts ever seems high-brow or witty enough.
Newbies are bound to never be interesting enough.
There needs to be chaff to have the wheat but wheat is all that people want...
So we have wheat sometimes and nothing in between...
I say bring on the chaff and see what happens...
I'm sorry its Thursday and I'm waffling.
another quality post from Kira... Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: I wonder why.
me too! keeps me awake at night, that one.
we never did do our synchonised robocop fest with txt updates, did we? and now my video's dead. poor video. Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
no, but I've got the DVD. I haven't watched that for ages. There's more hair....Down there!! Lololol, brilliant. *sigh*
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
*sigh*
when are we going to stop fighting these feelings, benway?
it's time we were honest with ourselves.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
can I admit at this point to never having seen Robocop? I apologise for letting the side down.
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
it's time i was honest with somebody, anyway.
i'll have it for you on friday
no, that's just fine
this project is really interesting
i really appreciate your help
you're doing a great job
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: can I admit at this point to never having seen Robocop? I apologise for letting the side down.
out.
now.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
I'd imagine that most of your kind hasn't seen it, h1ppy.
Posted by Endemic (Member # 821) on :
I've seen robocop but I've never seen a single James Bond film all the way through. I suspect this means I beat h1ppy on the cultural paucity thing. I may have just made that phrase up.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
Excerpt from Robocop
Heyyy, how's it going, how's everybody doing tonight? Huh? You okay? Huh? Lady at the front here nodding like 'yeah yeah, just don't pick on me'. What's your name, sister? Huh? Sorry I can't hear, I've got this jelly in my ear...I wait, speak up.. No, I've got trifle in my other ear. Jeez, I must be a...uhm..Trifle deaf.. I mean... Hey! How is everybody? Okay at the back there? Okay in the royal box? Are you royal? What's that? No?
Umm..
Oh....right...So...Anyway, I was walking my dog last night, you know, just taking it out, watching it poop, cause, you know, when people talk about walking the dog, that's what they really mean. It's like - Hey honey - just takin Spot out to shit in a public plaaaaaace!
Anyway, My dog, see, I got him from one of those places for crazy dogs, like dogs that have been kicked out because they've mauled the baby or something, and my dog hasn't got a nose. That's right, no nose, but he smells terrible! He...I mean...
Okay, so there's this talent show, and three judges are reviewing the acts the night before ths big show, okay, and - what was that? gentleman at the back there - what? I'm an asshole? Well...At least I'm not...an asshole...I mean.. you're an asshole too...it's...ahh..
[ 27.10.2005, 06:07: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
shite.
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
benway, i think i love you.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
me too.
How much is that there Robocop to buy, then? I suspect I may enjoy it muchly. I recorded Running Man on Channel 5 last night, too. A nostalgia-fest beckons for the weekend - lovely lovely cosy Saturday afternoon on the sofa. Mmmm, nice.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
Amazon will pay you to buy Robocop these days. CAUTION! Do not accidentally buy the series. Apart from 2/7, where Robocop wears a dress to try and infiltrate a robot sex slave ring. Funny.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
Or the last episode, when he is dating these twin waste disposal units, and there's a hilarious mix up at a restaraunt.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
i liked the tv series!
it was aimed at kids. they're the revolution, man.
Posted by Jack Vincennes (Member # 814) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: What happened to all those new people? Were they all Fish? All the lurkers who decloaked? What are they doing now? Reading these very words, no doubt. Reading, before
...thinking about that "wee chat" about work's "internet policy" which actually happened and quickly closing the browser window and sobbing. And then it comes to lunchtime and conversation has moved on already.
That's why I have to wait till lunchtime to post, anyway. Unless I start saying 'lol' more, just to keep my hand in.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
Nice one Jack!
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
I don't think anybody cares what I do at work.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: I don't think anybody cares what I do at work.
It sucks, doesn't it? I've actually discussed this with management, outright told them I had absolutely nothing to do. They don't seem to care. Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
I mentioned it once, and I just got given a load of shitty tasks to do, so now I keep quiet. I frown intermittently, to make it look like I'm concentrating, or I pretend to dial a phone number that's engaged. Overall, it's pretty bad for things like self confidence and ego, but on the plus side, I'm getting paid for doing nothing.
Posted by Jack Vincennes (Member # 814) on :
Last time I asked for work I was told something like "well, find something NB: NOT THE INTERNET to do!" It wasn't so much the 'distracting me from vital tasks' as the 'not really allowed' aspect of things that was emphasised for me.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
what are you supposed to be doing, Jack?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: on the plus side, I'm getting paid for doing nothing.
I don't consider this to be a plus. I'd much rather be doing something all day. The dyas are so incredibly dull and they drag on forever. I go home each night feeling that I've stolen money from this company. I don't even pretend to be doing work anymore. At least five coworkers have seen TMO on my screen. If they ever ask, I'm going to say that I post as Roy.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
I know man, but you have to try and find a plus side.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
if i paid taxes i'd be benway1
and you're wrong about defra. the most lovely and pretty and smart and cool as fuck and violin playing girl i know, who i have had crush on for six years now, she works at defra.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
when I was there, I was asked to make a list of everything in the stationary cupboard, and I kind of flipped out. I left before I finished one day there.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
who do you not work for now?
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
Two Jags
Posted by Jack Vincennes (Member # 814) on :
Benway, I work in software, so it's more or less seasonal work -either ridiculously long days and hard work when a deadline's approaching or lots of staring into the middle distance and waiting to be told what to do next.
[ 27.10.2005, 07:53: Message edited by: Jack Vincennes ]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jack Vincennes: Benway, I work in software, so it's more or less seasonal work -either ridiculously long days and hard work when a deadline's approaching or lots of staring into the middle distance and waiting to be told what to do next.
That's where I'm at right now -- staring into the middle distance and waiting to be told what to do next. I've never been in this situation before, at least not to this degree. Any tips on what I can do to cope?
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
how about, sitting on the toilet with your hand clapped over mouth, silently crying so hard that your eyes bulge out like at the end of Total Recall.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: how about, sitting on the toilet with your hand clapped over mouth, silently crying so hard that your eyes bulge out like at the end of Total Recall.
I considered that, but there's so many of us not doing anything that there aren't enough stalls to accomodate. I was looking for something a bit more productive.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
hotornot helps as does anal sex porn
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
anal sex porn only hurts. It never helps.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
*bangs head on desk*
Posted by Jack Vincennes (Member # 814) on :
The practical answers -I've been doing stuff like tidying out my desk drawers and cupboards, and getting rid of the huge piles of worthless paper I accumulated during the last release. Other than that it's bug fixes all the way (if you really want to ask to do that kind of thing.)
The answer which speaks of my quiet despair is only allow yourself one drink from the coffee machines per hour, the something to look forward to however small makes the time pass more quickly.
Or, what Benway said.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jack Vincennes: The practical answers -I've been doing stuff like tidying out my desk drawers and cupboards, and getting rid of the huge piles of worthless paper I accumulated during the last release. Other than that it's bug fixes all the way (if you really want to ask to do that kind of thing.)
The answer which speaks of my quiet despair is only allow yourself one drink from the coffee machines per hour, the something to look forward to however small makes the time pass more quickly.
Or, what Benway said.
My desk is immaculate. Too clean. I'm happy to say that bug fixes are not a possibility, as my code contains no bugs.
Allowing myself only one coffee per hour would cut what I'm currently doing all day in half.
*sigh*
Anyone know of any good anal sex sites?
[ 27.10.2005, 08:17: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
ask boyracer
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:Benway Maybe - just maybe - they go to add reply, and like Jonesy after the sandwich incident, they struggle and labour over the smallest of posts before deleting, hitting back, and refreshing again.
Your assumption that I laboured over your post is accurate.. I eventually decided that you were having a dig at me for posting utter shite and, even though I was disappointed, I decided to try not to let it bother me. TMO has a glorious history of utter shite after all. I decided not to modify anything I post and I haven't deleted any half-baked replies. In fact, I've posted plenty of crap since.
This is the first time I've been near a computer today, so I haven't been able to reply to anything, let alone everything.
[ 27.10.2005, 08:48: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
"It's all a terrible mis-understanding.." Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Don't be sad, Benway. It's just something I put in the mad attic in a tea-chest marked 'paranoia'. You know me better than anyone on here so you're well aware of how overly fragile I can be about these things. I'll get over it.
[ 27.10.2005, 08:55: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
In other news, I am posting wearing just a morning suit with no shirt.
I look like a right cnut!
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
there never was a post about sandwiches though.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Jonesy, pull yourself together man.
You know that scene in Airplane, where a queue forms to slap a hysterical woman around the face? That's TMO, that is, and you're the lady.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: I decided not to modify anything I post...
[27.10.2005, 08:48: Message edited by: jonesy999]
Erm...
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
this is what happens when I try and be funny.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Very good Hippychick. But that was edited because it was rubbish and made me sound psychotic, not because I was spooked by Benway's post. Well done, though.
And Benway, I know there weren't any posts about sandwiches. Well, at least I can't remember any. Of course it's entirely possible I've forgotten one. I read your piece as a comment about me posting up any old crap just for the sake of getting some words on the board. It struck a chord because that's exactly how I felt at the time. Just put something up there, anything, you know, to maybe spark people into posting at a quiet time. I didn't stop to think "wow, that's utter garbage. It's better to have nothing to look at than the first nonsense to pour from my fingers". You nailed that just as I was thinking it.
I'm being a bit twattish. Sorry about that, I only explained myself because you mentioned it again in this thread.
And it was funny
[ 27.10.2005, 09:08: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
but the whole 'responds to everything' is only a reference to that thing that bandy did. Fucking Bandy. He's not here, but this is his legacy: A legacy of hatred. Nice one, bandy. Nice one.
[ 27.10.2005, 09:05: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: It's better to have nothing to look at than the first nonsense to pour from my fingers.
If I have a vote, I'd prefer your nonsense to nothing. Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
The chuckling meme artist has a lot to answer for, my young accountant.
And thanks ralph.
Anyway, 'nuff said on the subject.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
I heart jonesy. And sorry for the cheap crack, (Teflon? Bueller?) - I was just scoring cheap points.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
So manly, yet vulnerable, and wearing a morning suit with no shirt. *sigh*
Posted by Fionnula the Cooler (Member # 453) on :
Mattresses, I've discovered, are surprisingly heavy. Especially when full of piss.
I did some manual labour this morning. I've never done it before. It was predictably dreadful, but strangely fulfilling. I had to help replace old beds with new ones in a travel inn. Which meant pushing beds down five flights of stairs and loading them onto a van. Conversation between workers spanned two main topics. Beer. Women. At one point I had to wait several minutes poised with a precarious bed-frame at the back of a lorry waiting for one man to stop ogling a brief-skirted girl up the street - "where's wind when you need it?". By lunchtime, copious flushes of sweat had changed the colours of our t-shirts. One of us (not me) had so little remaining strength he could barely carry polythene bags. My heels were blistered. My hair - god - my hair was irretrievable. I was verging on nausea, serious unstoppable nausea, the likes of which I last experienced several years ago in - ironically - a travel lodge similar to this one after a too-gruelling rock gig in Edinburgh. This time, however, I managed to avoid being sick in my cupped hands and spilling it all over the bed. I ignored the blisters. I shrugged who-cares at the hair. I wiped away some forehead sweat with the back of my hand. I picked up another metal pole at the back of the lorry, and I screwed it manfully in place.
Now I feel like a bit of a stud, obviously. I reckon I totally pwn these TMO office-boy pussies. Perhaps tomorrow I'll find work on a building site, or sledgehammering cordoned-off roads. By the end of the week, I'll be downing pints in one and doing boners over girls.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
I went to the tip this morning and and and threw some bricks down a manhole. Can I hang about with you Fionnula?
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
quote:Originally posted by Kira: The trouble is once you've hit that ultimate high; nothing you or any newbie posts ever seems high-brow or witty enough.
Newbies are bound to never be interesting enough.
There needs to be chaff to have the wheat but wheat is all that people want...
So we have wheat sometimes and nothing in between...
I say bring on the chaff and see what happens...
I'm sorry its Thursday and I'm waffling.
another quality post from Kira...
But Kira, you've posted stuff about black thongs, football and anal. If you stop posting, who else will do this?
ralph?
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
I love doing manly stuff. I loved driving my demolished sauna to a tip in a transit van, ignoring other road users due to their invisibility, then hurling bits of wood into a giant skip. Well, it was fun for about five minutes. Sadly I'm as weak as a kitten, and need a lie down after carrying the shopping back from Sainsburys.
Posted by Fionnula the Cooler (Member # 453) on :
Yes, Jonesy. You should've kept the bricks though. We could've used them for weightlifting, building walls, throwing through windows and stuff. I used to do stuff like that all the time when I was younger. Making biceps happen. Building igloos with actual snow. Smashing tenement windows with huge boulders - though to be honest, it was my friend Katy that did that. I was already running by the time she'd started the back-swing. But still. It's there. Hardness. Wanting re-awakened.
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
I drive a white van, and I just love the special rules that you have to follow such as the orange-to-red light means speed up, you can change lanes without indicating and the first two stripes of a zebra crossing don't count.
[ 27.10.2005, 09:50: Message edited by: Roy ]
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
do you also provide reasoned opinion on current affairs for the UK's favourite newspaper? If so, I was with you on what you said about Debbi, 23, from Stoke on Trent. Natural is best.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
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the thought was there
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