quote:

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Natalie Portman is in talks to play the female lead in the forthcoming adaptation of Alan Moore's post-apocalyptic novel V for Vendetta. In the book, a porcelain-masked vigilante is fighting to overturn a fascist dictatorship in totalitarian England. Portman would play love-interest Evey Hammond.

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lol @ "love interest".
 

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Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 





 

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Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
lol. Is Batman supposed to be brooding in that picture or is he just knackered from running up all those steps?
 

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Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 
Is 'A Scanner Darkly' worth reading, then? My wife gave it to me for my birthday a couple of years ago, and I've rudely ignored it ever since.
 

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Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
lol. Is Batman supposed to be brooding in that picture or is he just knackered from running up all those steps?

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
lol. Is Batman supposed to be brooding in that picture or is he just knackered from running up all those steps?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Roy:
Looks like he's sitting on a woodwork bench too.

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quote:

---

Originally posted by London:
Is 'A Scanner Darkly' worth reading, then?

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
Actually - that's a good point. He does look like he's been told off by a teacher and made to sit and have a think about what he's done.

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He's even been forced to wear the Dunce Ears.
 

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Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 
Oh yeah. And Team America - which seems to have been kicking about so long it's almost as if I've seen it already.


Is there anything besides comic-book adaptations, sequels and remakes to look forward to, though?
 

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Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by ben:

Is there anything besides comic-book adaptations, sequels and remakes to look forward to, though?

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Roy:
Has he broken into a school? Kovacs?

---

Are you asking Kovacs' opinion or insinuating that he's the type of person who would break into a school? Or, cleverly, both?
 

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Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 
Whatever happened to Enduring Love (the film)?
 

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Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
 
Something tells me that 'Dark Batman' means 'Lower your head a lot'



[ 06.01.2005, 06:23: Message edited by: Roy ]
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
I'm not really looking forward to anything in 2005 - I don't even know what 'sin city' is! Is it a comic?

Tell a lie - one film looks pretty good, called Murder Set Pieces. Might be tough getting to see it, but maybe it'll be on during frightfest. The Machinist looks good, and is on during the upcoming sci-fi festival. It's not a new film though, in the true sense of the word.

quote:

---

“Murder-Set-Pieces” is so violent I actually felt like I was going to throw up a few times, and I have seen just about everything

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quote:

---

Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
Whatever happened to Enduring Love (the film)?

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Dr. Benway:
Murder Set Pieces.

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quote:

---

He hides behind a sleek and attractive exterior, but in truth is a demented and deviant monster.

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Boy Racer:
I'll overlook the fact that A Scanner Darkly isn't any of those things Ben, and suggest Turtles Can Fly, about Kurdish children living on the boarders of Iraq and which is out this week, and A Very Long Engagement, about French people being in love in WWI and which is out at the end of January.

---

I will overlook the fact that no good has ever come of a film with Woody Harrelson in it (except, maybe, Teh Thin Red Line - and then only because he gets blown up) and thank you for reminding me of Engagement which I hope will be excellent and not remotely like Cold Mountain.


[ 06.01.2005, 06:43: Message edited by: ben ]
 

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Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
I'm coming round to Murder Set Pieces after a quick look at the credits, which include a number of promising sounding characters...

Dancing Blonde Girl
Pole Girl
Hooker #3
Dildo Girl #2
Strip Girl #2
Hooker #2
Strip Girl #1
Hooker #1
Chainsaw Girl
Dildo Girl #1

Sounds promising! I may have to watch this one at home, alone, with a box of tissues.
 

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Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
Chainsaw Girl

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If this isn't turned into a spin-off movie I will cry a tear.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
you lot will be laughing on the other foot when I'm posting up a delicious gore-soaked review of this evil bastard, and you're wanking on in a 20 page Keaton Vs. Bale battle.
 

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Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
 
Quality Control Bans This Post

[ 06.01.2005, 07:12: Message edited by: Roy ]
 

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Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 
Just to annoy those who couldn't give a murphy's about Star Wars, here are some new marketing images for Revenge of the Sith:
*Duel
*Duel 2
*Duel 3
*C-3PO et R2-D2
*Clone Trooper 1
*Clone Trooper 2
*Anakin Skywalker
*Obi-Wan Kenobi
*Alderaan
*Mustafar
*Kashyyyk
*Utapau
*Yoda
*Yoda 2
*Yoda 3
*Darth Vader
*Darth Vader 2
*Darth Vader 3
*Darth Vader 4
*Darth Vader 5
*Darth Vader 6
*Darth Vader 7
 

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Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
 
I saw the US remake of THE GRUDGE last night.

It was pretty good.

So, on this list we want to see ?

Aliens of the Deep
Alone in the Dark
Are We There Yet?
Assault on Precinct 13
Batman Begins
Be Cool
Beautiful Boxer
Because of Winn-Dixie
Bewitched
Boogeyman
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Cinderella Man
Coach Carter
Constantine
Cursed
Dark Water
Diary of a Mad Black Woman
Dog Soldiers: Fresh Meat
Duma
Elektra
Fascination
Guess Who
Hide and Seek
Hitch
Hostage
Imaginary Heroes
King Kong
The Longest Yard
Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous
Monster-In-Law
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
The New World
The Night
The Pacifier
The Pink Panther
Pooh's Heffalump Movie
Racing Stripes
Rebound
The Ring Two
Robots
Sin City
Son of the Mask
Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Unleashed (aka Danny the Dog)
War of the Worlds
The Weather Man
The Wedding Date
XXX: State of the Union

*Edit - I had no desire to see Sin City but just found out it starts Jessica Alba - I will see this film.

[ 06.01.2005, 07:42: Message edited by: Darryn.R ]
 

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Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 
Christ almighty. Think I'll be staying in forever. Were films always this shite? I remember vividly an NME preview of films coming up in 1992 and it being absolutely thrilling.

 

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Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
 
I accidentally stumbled upon the premiere of Alexander last night, which was annoyingly taking up the cinema that I planned on seeing Finding Neverland in. I note that Oliver Stone is now using the "ah but European audiences are more sophisticated and more likely to know and appreciate the Alexander story" line. Nob.

I am looking forward to:

Johhny Wonka
Clint Eastwood & boxing chick
Flying daggers and shit
Amelie in the trenches
South Park America
Tom Cruise saves the US from Martians (reluctantly, as an original setting would be better)


Will probably watch on video:

Leonardo flies a plane
Wesley Vampire
Ananconda II

Will curl lip at:

Elektra
Star Bores
Lots of other stuff probably
 

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Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by ben:
Christ almighty. Think I'll be staying in forever. Were films always this shite? I remember vividly an NME preview of films coming up in 1992 and it being absolutely thrilling.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Darryn.R:
there's a sneak triler for the Depp Wonkafest at Yahoo... I'm not sure about how much I want to see the movie now I've seen the trailer.

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quote:

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It’s also the kind of movie that some people like to call "daring," except that in a way, this is the safest type of horror filmmaking there is. No attempt need be made at creating a story, characters or a point; just string together a series of atrocities, and you’re guaranteed a certain amount of attention, praise from those for whom gore is the be-all and end-all of the horror experience and negative publicity (and you know there’s really no such thing).

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quote:

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Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
Could someone put this post with the others?

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quote:

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Originally posted by ben:
Also: I once picked up a copy of Sin City and was almost felled by the reek of ballsweat that issued off its pages.

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quote:

---

Discovering that the ripped-off nozzle of a gas pump is still stuck in his car's tank, Andrew merely throws it away.

On TV a crocodile begins to devour a fawn; the scene cuts before anything is seen but a flash of motion.

Justifiably or not, New Jersey is infamous for its polluted beaches and toxic landfills. Garden State just adds to the litter.

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quote:

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Originally posted by kovacs:

Where are you people watching all your trailers?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Benny the Ball:
I'm strangely drawn to Constantine.

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quote:

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Thorn:
I thought you were implying it sounded bad.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
Sin City

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quote:

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Originally posted by Benny the Ball:
Amilee int eh trenches (whatever it's called) looks gorgeous.

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quote:

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Originally posted by kovacs:
1. approach is surprisingly like Dick Tracy in a way.

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quote:

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All this [Ep 3 publicity] is either a ploy by Lucas to get those who love the original trilogy, but aren't fond of the new films to fork over their money for another prequel or it could be a sign that he's making this final prequel line up with the look and feel of the original trilogy.

Who knows, historians could look upon the prequel series as a genius move by Lucas to lower the fan expectations for the knock-out punch with REVENGE OF THE SITH.

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quote:

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Originally posted by ben:
Also: if Boba Fett, unmasked at last, was actually The Niffer.

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quote:

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Originally posted by ben:
Also: if Boba Fett, unmasked at last, was actually The Niffer.

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Er... Haven't we already seen Boba Fett unmasked? Or are you refusing to count Attack of the Clones as canon?


 

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Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 
Absolutely. Sullen Maori who gets cloned into a billion easily-killable ninepins or faceless epitome of amoral cool onto whom any number of fantasies and speculations might be projected? It's a no-brainer.
 

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Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by ben:
faceless epitome of amoral cool onto whom any number of fantasies and speculations might be projected

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quote:

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Originally posted by kovacs:

NB. Perhaps I can add here that I did follow your advice Thorn and buy Deus Ex -- but it's just too slow to be anything but frustrating on my crappy 4-year old machine. I know this is shameful and also disappointing. But I will keep the game and try again when I upgrade.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Bamba:
I seem to remember you managed to play American McGee's Alice at approaching resonable speeds

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
One of the things I like about the Sin City books is the tremendous sense of fun. It's unselfconciously macho and over the top. Yeah it's full of cheesy tough guy dialogue, but gloriously so. Lines like "You've gotta stand up for your friends - and sometimes that means dying and sometimes that means killing a whole lot of people" are just so gleeful in their own pumped up, over-dramatic way I found myself gurgling with delight on several occasions. The beginning of That Yellow Bastard, with Hartigan marching off to rescue an 11 year old from a paedophile by slaughtering his way through an entire gang, and having a heart attack halfway through but still getting up to finish the job before getting shot in the back, is just deliriously, wonderfully excessive. It's funny and it's cool and - importantly when so many comics are becoming mired in self-referential rot - it's totally un-selfconcious. The ridiculous action sequences, the absurdly hard dialogue, the stupidly pneumatic broads. It's all just so much fun.

---

Look, I like violence as much as the next man - especially if that next man is Benway - but your props read like Harry Knowles defending the latest Michael Bay abortion ("y'know I really think you gotta embrace a movie that has so much fun smashing so much stuff up!" etc etc)

I don't think "unselfconscious fun" lets an artist off the hook so far as originality and basic storytelling are concerned. A slew of ultraviolence unleashed upon heroes with superhuman powers of endurance or characters introduced barely a page and a half ago in order simply to be diced, perforated or flambeed may seem like a cool idea, but it ceases to be shocking or even mildly titilating after the twentieth or so page of the same.

It might be more palatable if Miller expended even an iota of effort on not making it numbingly stupid (ie. the TYB gaffe you mentioned - the fact that Hartigan suffers near heart failure when the 'drama' demands it, but not when subjected to months of interrogation and torture). I mean - Natural Born Killers had ultraviolence galore, a prison riot and an incredible soundtrack... didn't stop it being an insultingly dozy and pointless viewing experience, though, did it?
 

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Posted by Put This In Your Pipe and Smoke It (Member # 84) on :
 
If you live the Sin City trailer as much as I did, you can download the thing properly instead of farting around on Apple:

http://www.davestrailerpage.co.uk/

... and also note that the music, which is fantastic, is "Cells" by The Servant. The album which it is from, however, isn't all that good.
 

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Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
 
Coincidentally, I started making my own Sin City trailer on Friday! So far I have done one frame.




I am thinking of calling it "that big crophead bastard".

[ 10.01.2005, 20:20: Message edited by: kovacs ]
 

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Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
 
I'm not saying anything.
 

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Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
 
I think you look really mean and moody in that pic, Roy.
 

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Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
 
.

[ 11.01.2005, 05:14: Message edited by: Roy ]
 

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Posted by Octavia (Member # 398) on :
 
Bad choice of whisky though - too peaty.
 

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Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
 
This weekend I saw Closer , which I did not like. It managed to make having sex with Natalie Portman and Julia Roberts seem really dull. Clive Owen was good but Jude Law...

Speaking of abortions I also saw Vera Drake. This was very good. The performances were stunning and the whole craft of the film was quite admirable. Would reccomend this.
 

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Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Octavia:
Bad choice of whisky though - too peaty.

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Just add water.
 

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Posted by Octavia (Member # 398) on :
 
Ummmm - I still prefer the Speyside malts and the lowlands to the Island ones though. Have a bottle of Auchentosh on the go at the moment.
 

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Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
 
Ooh, ooh. How exciting. I've just finished a 21 Glenfarclas which I think you would have toadally loved, Octavia. Current favourite is a 14 year old 'Longrow' (Springbank). It's beautiful. In fact, just mentioning it is causing me to lean towards the bottle as I type.

Benway also seems mentioning whisky quite a lot. Perhaps we should have a malt meet. Maybe combining it with the ski-masked Meatacre to help move the violence along.

[ 17.01.2005, 11:40: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
I'm not as refined as you guyz I'm afraid. Once I start on the whiskey, I find it hard to stop, so I don't splash out on expensive malts. I'm sticking with Jack at the moment, although I've got my eye on a bottle of Talisker in my local Londis. That's about as classy as I get
 

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Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
Benway - perhaps you and I should start our own club. Instead of whiskey drinkers, we could be whiskey drunks. Remember when I posted about that dinner party where I attacked one of the guests and crawled around the floor and then the hostess kicked me in the gut and I passed out and sicked up on the floor? That was a whiskey binge. Royal Game, it was called. £7.99 for a litre from Gwynne's cornershop in Colehill.
 

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Posted by Octavia (Member # 398) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dr. Benway:
although I've got my eye on a bottle of Talisker in my local Londis. That's about as classy as I get

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
Royal Game, it was called. £7.99 for a litre from Gwynne's cornershop in Colehill.

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quote:

---

Originally posted by discodamage:
shell get a nod, but its an extraordinary performance, and yes we all know hillary swank can act thankyou.

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Someone puts in a great performance and it's boring to reward them for it because they've acted well before? So only surprising good acting should qualify?

NB. I know my "film reviews" above were the worst I have ever read, including anything about film Boy Racer has ever written.

PS. also managed to fuck up UBB.

[ 17.01.2005, 20:01: Message edited by: kovacs ]
 

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Posted by discodamage (Member # 66) on :
 
duh.

[ 17.01.2005, 22:56: Message edited by: discodamage ]
 

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Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
 
Team America: fuck, yeah.
 

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Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
 
Is Team America one of those children's films that are designed so that the adults press-ganged by the littles into taking them to the cinema enjoy it more than the kids do? I've only seen one, very short trailer for it and couldn't work out if it was going to be brilliant or completely wanky.

I always seem to think that drinking whisky is a really good idea when I'm already drunk . This is bad. I'm usually very ill and lose about 3 days to extreme vague-ness afterwards. My grandad, however, being a top-class Scottish person is well into his whisky and can tell them all blindfolded. We use him to make money in pubs by getting people to bet on him. Grandad's are gr9!!!
 

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Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by saltrock:
Is Team America one of those children's films that are designed so that the adults press-ganged by the littles into taking them to the cinema enjoy it more than the kids do? I've only seen one, very short trailer for it and couldn't work out if it was going to be brilliant or completely wanky.

---

I'd assess it as a little of both. Perhaps 40% brilliant and 60% wanky, though rooster would have ranked it far higher on the wankiness scale. I thought it was pretty good, overall. It cut to the quick of a lot of American ultrapatriotic idiocy in the same way that South Park stripped the wholesome rose-tinted veneer from childhood, though I think South Park tends to somewhat more clever.
 

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Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
 
Saw Team America last night. I found it very funny.

Million Dollar Baby next.

I am determined to keep this going all year. (This thread, not going to see films. Oh, actually, that as well.)
 

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Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
 
.

[ 25.01.2005, 01:40: Message edited by: vikram ]
 

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Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
 
film update

Just as I failed to recognise Natalie Portman in Garden State, because she was so good, I failed to accept that I recognised Jodie Foster in Long Engagement because her French was so good.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
Morning, gorehounds. Last night I took one for the team and subjected myeslf to a couple of releases from the notorious Japan Shock label. Regular listeners may remember that these sick fucks were responsible for unleashing the sadistic All Night Long series onto a wider public; a series of films that left me permanently damaged.

So, after doing my laundry and putting on some elasticated trousers, I setttled in for a couple of hours of mutilation, cannabalism, torture and art house wankery. Have at you!

Naked Blood

If Naked Blood graduated from the university of weird-ass films, then it would be well within its rights to suffix its official title with a cheeky 'wtf'. It's a heady cocktail of mortal meditation, cactus dreaming, and extreme self mutilation. Breaks down like this: Teen has scientist mother who is conducting tests on her new contraceptive. Teen develops own drug that causes physical pain to flood the brain with endorphin. Teen sneaks drug into contraceptive tests on three young ladies.

These three girls represent different types of sensual experience. One loves eating, one is obsessed with aesthetics, the other is an insomniac who pyschically communicates with a cactus in order to enter a dream state. Oh yes. Upon taking the drug, eating lady eats herself, looking lady pierces herself, and cactus girl appears to stay the same. That's basically the whole film, and I won't spoil the ending, but it does involve a gutting, a bit of rutting, and lingering shots of the giant cactus.

Shot on video, and clocking in at only seventy minutes, Naked Blood certainly delivers on the gore. And eyeball is plucked out and eaten with a fork, along with a nipple, and a chunk of labia. Nails and skewers are driven through flesh. Torsos are opened and investigated. Although the film obviously basks in its own extreme imagery, it also hangs loosely around some tangible real-life themes..The value of pain, the intrinsic connection between life and pain, and the ultimate aims of scientific investigation. It's clearly no Cronenburg or Tsukamoto, and there is a sense that these have been added to justify some of the stronger images, but it's enough to hold attention for the blood free first 40 minutes or so.

Not really shocking, and fairly ponderous, Naked Blood should be commended for at least trying to given itself a reason for existing. Though all that stuff with the chick talking to the cactus went way over my head. And what was the end, with the motorbike? WTF?


Female Market


Wahey! Good old The Japanese. Barely lasting for more than an hour, and emerging from the darker recesses of the seventies sexploitation world, Female Market is a film about a market of females. They're kidnappped and held by some yakuza types in a warehouse until they are broken into submission to become hostesses for international gangster clients. Cue lots of women bing tied up, whipped, violated, beaten, and perhaps most shocking of all..raped by a black guy! Then one of them escapes. Then I fell asleep, with about five minutes to go.

This film sounds more interesting than it is. Very sparse, with little worthwhile dialogue, it doesn't really hit any of the marks that it might be aiming for. At no point does it feel authentic or urgent enough to be harrowing or upsetting (like, for example, 'I Spit On Your Grave') yet it fails to swing the other way and make any of it arousing. Anybody looking for a quick woman-hating wank is probably going to disappointed, although fans of crying and urination should be pleased by two or three of the more varied scenes. In this sense it could be deemed a perfectly efficient exploitation flick, as you get the feeling that all of the characters, actors, and audiences involved with this film have been exploited at some stage. There just seems little point to any of it. Screaming, crying, gasping, and men looking stern and motioning for skirts to be pulled up and trousers to be pulled down. It's pretty monochromatic, and the camera seems to stay about two or three feet away from the action at all times, ensuring that you never miss a thing. Although, if you find yourself wishing somebody would wipe the camera, don't bother. It's called 'fogging', and it's there to prevent the Japanese public from being offended by the sight of pubic hair. Duh!

A thumbs down, and then up, and then down again. The bit where the man puts the whip in the ladies' bottom is alright, but the ludicrous 'ultimate torture' of being shagged by a black guy dates and demeans even a film of this barrel scraping calibre. Also demeaning is the terrible way the women are treated, natch.

[ 25.01.2005, 05:02: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

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Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 
I feel demeened having read your review, Benway.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
sorry
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
Worth staying in for...

Hold on to your Kimonos - it's the Dr. Benway Akira Kurosawa goggle-fest! Coming soon to Media Junkies, nipponophile and all round bad egg Dr. Benway takes an amusing and often heart breaking look at the work of Japan's grand master of the moving image. With a Western resurgence of interest in all things samurai, and Japan's recent explosion in international film festivals, Benway's jaunt into the cinematic history of the Land Of The Rising Sun couldn't be any better timed. Expect questionable spelling and grammar, badly checked facts, and a general disinterest in anything that isn't pasted with blood and sexual exploitation.



Akira Kurosawa: Liked a cigarette


Out and About

If you're in London's trendy Hoxton Square this weekend, then you owe it to yourself to drag your better half along to check out Mika Kato's new exhibition, being displayed at The White Cube gallery.

quote:

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Kato (born 1975) makes intensely rendered oil paintings of young girl's faces, close-cropped and hallucinatory in quality, they create a portal into a fantastical and psychologically disturbing world.

Kato's technique is interesting since she starts not by sketching but by sculpting a doll out of clay, dressing it and then making a painting from that which is laborious and studied, a kind of evolving alter ego. “I wanted something that people had never seen before” she explains, “and that is how I came to be attracted to using doll faces as my starting point”.

Kato's portraits are precisely and beautifully painted, almost hyper-real, but this imminent reality is countered by their composition, a looming and close cropped image that makes the girls appear distorted, as if viewed through a bulbous fish eye lens. Huge, gaping eyes become liquid pools of black that appear like holes in the canvas, deflecting as much as absorbing the viewer's gaze. These figures have an overly articulated beauty made up of its idealised components: large eyes, perfectly oval faces, small noses and mouths. Their physique is almost ironic, a kind of mutated idea of what perfect beauty should be, an aberration comprised of perfectly formed parts.

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White Cube is open from Tuesday to Saturday, 10am – 6pm. For further information please contact Honey Luard or Susannah Hyman on 020 7930 5373.


Something To Eat..


Gourmets and Gourmands alike will be licking their fat blubbery lips this week, as reknowned Halal fast food eatery 'Chicken Express' unveiled its deals for the New Year. Gone are the over salted and leathery 'potato wedges', to be replaced by the exquisitely deep fried onion rings, available in medium or large sizes. Burger lovers will be pleased to find that a new creation now basks under the artificial sun of the warming lights: The £1.50 chicken burger. Like its older sister (Chicken fillet burger, £1.99), the Chicken burger is served warm, with a sesame seed topped bun, and garnished with crisp iceberg lettuce and mass produced mayonnaise. But the real difference lies under the bun, where halal diners will find a refined yet compact helping of fried chicken. Ideal for tightwads and the impoverished, this bold new step into ultra-budget eating should please all those who crave chicken, but find themselves out in the cold when choosing to have it fried. The chicken burger has been generously teamed with medium fries and your choice of soft drink (we recommend the mango juice!) for a staggering £1.99 - the price of the fillet burger on its own! For more offers, wait until kicking out time on the Seven Sisters road, when promotional literature can be found affixed to the pavement with vomit and shit.

[ 25.01.2005, 08:34: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

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Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
 
A Very Long Engagement

Entertaining, and enjoyable to watch during it’s stylishly made and densely plotted running-time, this Love/War/Detective story ultimately left me feeling unsatisfied. Despite the film’s often visceral representations of the horrors of mechanised warfare it’s over fondness for wacky or whimsical humour ala Amelie undermines much of the weight these representations might ultimately have had.
A shame.

[ 28.01.2005, 06:44: Message edited by: Boy Racer ]
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
twenty five years too late, I finally managed to watch The Elephant Man, and am now perfecting a humourous impression of him going "I am not an animal! I am a human being!". I liked the film, although I had been assured that I would cry, and was disappointed that I remained fairly unmoved, apart from being irritated by the people who pour beer on his face. Also disappointing was that half of it wasn't even true, and even though it was made to be a study in human dignity, I felt that it was a bit contrived and the elephant man himself remained alien throughout. It was just too geared up to make people go 'ahhhhh, bless'. I didn't do this though, and as I said, not crying now makes me feel like some kind of emotionless bastard who may as well have laughed and pointed with the rest of Victorian society.

Well shot blah blah Lynch blah dreamlike blah great performances etc etc. I re-watched Mulholland Drive the other day, and comparison between the two shows how Lynch has refined his ablility in delivering The Essential Sadness Of Life. Also, I liked the lesbian bit, and the bit where the woman is frigging herself whilst depserately trying to maintain a fantasy where her life hasn't gone to shit. We've all been there, lol.

Still, Elephant Man was better than Female Market.


I had a crack with some Kurosawa, but in the end, I couldn't be arsed, and smoked some cigarettes whilst laying on the floor instead. The sound was all wanked, and only came through the centre speaker, and the subs were massive and in bright yellow. Seven Samurai even comes complete with a musical 'intermission', presumably the place where the reels would have been changed in the cinema. Perhaps it was worth $20 just for the babelfish translated introduction on the back that helpfully explains that Kurosawa is most popular than Mikado.


I've got 'China Mafia War' and Shark skin man and peach hip girl' (starring Tadanobu Asano, who played Kakihara in notorious gut churner 'Ichi The Killer') to get through this week, although I might just play computer games in my underwear instead. Stay tuned, movie lovers.
 

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Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 
I reckon I might go and see 2046 tonight or Sideways or A Very Long Engagement. If any forites are around Soho later on I might see you there!
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 


Wight, onto our last film of the evening, the we-welease of the much weviled slasher, 'The Toolbox Murders'. Banned for some 23 years; the wecent wemake by Tobe Hooper has prompted this weissue of the owiginal by established uk horror publishers, Vipco.

If you've seen the wemake, then you'll know what to expect. A cwazed killer tewowises a tenement block, offing beautiful women using items pwoduced from his toolbox: Yes, it weally is that simple. I'm sure I won't be spoiling anything when I tell you that many of the murders are bloody and gohwy, the seventies haircuts are extwagent, and the nudity is unneccesawy. But; who cares. This is not a film for pwudes, as is suggested by the sleeve of the DVD, which 'dares' you to watch this woutine slasher.



And, it is woutine indeed. Those of you familiar with the slashers and exploitation movies of the late seventies won't find anything to get excited about here. The Toolbox Murders follows the standard format: Pwetty girl takes shower or bath, hooded man appears, and after a bwief chase, the girl is dead. Cue unexcitable police scwatching their heads and failing to identify a suspect so obvious that he may as well intwoduce himself as such to the detective in charge of the case.

But, this isn't about an intwicate plot, it's about blood; and there's plenty of it here. Nail guns, hammers, scwew dwivers, and power dwills are all used to murdehwous effect, although much of the gore may seem a little coy for todays seasoned gore hounds. Sets look cheap, the camera wemains unemotional, and the colour is suitably washed out. Some snappy editing in places is able to drag some innovation fwom this fwankly tired format, but overwall, this is standard fare. By the time the twist came, I'm sowwy to say that I was weady to leave.



Those seeking a twuly disturbing example of the sub-genweh would be better advised to try "Nightmares of A Damaged Bwain", or the Savini effects laden "Maniac".

The Toolbox Murders is out to buy fwom today.


Wight, you may wemember that last week we offered you the chance to dwive your dweam car wound a gwand pwix twack, so congwatulations to Thorn Davis, who knew that Hugh Jackman played the lead in last years 'Van Helsing'. Onto tonight - one lucky viewer can bag themselves a bwand new HD TV, DVD player, and 'Aviator' T-Shirt, just by answerwing this simple question: What is an aviator: Is is A) A bird house B)Part of the body, or C)One in the aviation indstwy. If you think you know, email the answer, with your name and addwess to competition at bbc, dot co, dot uk.



wight, that's all fwom me. Tune in next week, when I'll be talking to hollywood sex bomb 'Halle Berry', and taking a look at the new George Lucas project, 'Indiana Jones and the Curse of the Blue Scween'. I'll leave you with a selection of murders fwom 'The toolbox murders', thoughtfully set to the spice girls. Goodnight!

[ 10.02.2005, 05:23: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

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Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Wossy:

Yes, it weally is that simple.

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• Vampire Hunter
  Van Helsing themed event, where a waitress goes to have a fag out the back in an alley and gets lezzed up by this demon vampire chick. Then a guy comes along and fucks the evil out of both of them, mostly via the anus.
• Cowgirl
  Two semi naked girls on horses round up a load of naked men in a field, and after sitting on their faces, they put them in a paddock. Then they select one with a big cock, and, amazingly, he bones them both in their arses. I quite like how the country and western music comes on intermittently. It's quite triumphant and dramatic, a bit Sergio Leone. It seems at odds with the on screen XXX action.
• Doctors
  A girl has an irritation in her anal passage. A couple of busty nurses and a doctor soon discover that it's an entire dildo, one of the bendy ones, and then they all fuck, mostly anally. One of the nurses uses a speculum.
• Biker Bar
  
  Bella Donna finally shags the guys in the bar, and one of them pisses on her. At least, I assume that's what happens. It's cut or something. I liked the bit before the shagging where she just kind of bounces up and down on a chair.

quote:

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Here’s one hell of a weird Japanese art/trash/mondo film that packs a powerful punch! You get this weirdo guy who thinks he’s a chicken going around to work in slaughter houses to feed the pigs (And eating their slop!) while doing odd things. He eats various gross stuff, walks around like a chicken and even masturbates while watching a hot Jap bitch touch herself! LOTS of mondo pig slaughter footage along with plenty of bizarre scenery.

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quote:

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Japanese sexploitation starring everybody’s favorite Japanese anti-hero, RAPEMAN! Mild mannered high school teacher by day, masked, knife wielding rapist for hire by night, Rapeman rights wrongs through penetration, teaching the evil women of Tokyo respect for their elders, for society and for the ways of the culture. Truly a must see.

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[ 07.03.2005, 12:32: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
Fiend Without A Face (1958)

rented by mistake in place of Eyes Without A Face

Woooo! This is what happens when you mix eggheads an radiation. American airbase in Canada, running an atomic reactor to produce power for an AWACS system. People start dying, and the townsfolk blame the military and their crazy ideas.

I got this film by mistake, but it's not too bad. Runs at a fair clip, with surprisingly believable performances, especially in the face of an an attack of disembodied brains in the later scenes. The premise allows for all sorts of tension between the local civilians, the military, and the scientist, and there is a icy vein of cold war type paranoia running through the core of the plot. Invisible killers, mind control, and the aforementioned swarm of brains all seem to fit into a general metaphor. Well, even if they, don't, you can't talk about 50s sci fi without saying 'cold war' and 'paranoia'.

What raises this above a lot of the 'killer blahdy blah from outer space' type films that were around at the time is the combination of art direction and intent. This isn't campy fun, and there's something kafkaesque about the sparse angular sets and high-contrast lighting. It's a modernist interpretation of the domestication of powerful technologies such as biochemistry and nuclear reactions, and as such, it manages to be a wee bit unsettling even though it isn't scary. IT could just be the swarm of killer brains at the end though, affixing themselves to victims like face huggers. This part of the film reminded me a bit of evil dead. Hero with an axe, in alog cabin, and some invisible exterior force causing a disprution of reality. The brains even melt away like the bodies at the end of Evil Dead.

Anyway, it's British made, and it's much better than I thought it would be.

[ 10.03.2005, 04:56: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

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Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 
Citizens! Are you in search of bittersweet, cgi-light, wordy entertainment from across the pond? Then you should repair immediately to your local teraplex to check out Alexander Payne's new film about wine-drinking losers Sideways.

It's a literate, beautifully acted little drama that's like a very low-gear Withnail & I but with divorcees coasting into their mid-forties rather than sound-and-fury twentysomethings who have yet, really, to taste much of life.

Jack is a washed-up actor gagging for one last draught of pussyhole before he gets hitched for the second time - Miles, his best man to be, a depressive english teacher who has flung himself into an obsession with wine to attempt (and partly, but disastrously, to fail) to fill the aching void left in his life after his own divorce. Together they set off on a 'stag week' of wine tasting and golf in California's wine country around Santa Barbara.

Paul Giamatti's Miles is a great portrait of a little man as outraged and mean and selfish as we ourselves are, locked into a destructive trajectory that Jack - however much of a fuck-up he himself may be - is trying to coax him off of. There's a wonderful moment after Miles hears his wife is about to be remarried when he runs off into a vineyard and - when he can run no further - he reaches for two thick bunches of grapes and gently holds them together for an instant. They could be two pieces of a broken heart, a pair of breasts or a valedictory symbol of he and his ex parting for good. It's a fantastically poignant image... as memorable, in its way, as the moment when Zhang Ziyi dives into the fog at the end of Crouching Tiger.

Also good is Virginia Madsen, who plays a waitress who becomes the object of Miles's excruciatingly hesitant affections. The last decent thing this luminously gorgeous actress was in was Candyman ffs, and it's a pleasure to see her getting stuck into Payne's beautifully judged, occasionally lyrical, dialogue. It isn't often in an American film that the camera closes in so candidly on the reality of the human face - with all its lines and blemishes - but in Madsen's case the result is glorious proof that, like the wines being quaffed and savoured, some things reach perfection as they get older.

Anyway - check it out! Especially you, Benway, before this relentless diet of gore and mayhem coarsens your palate irretrievably.
 

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Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
 
+++++++TINY SPOILER INCLUDED FOR ABSOLUTE PEDANTS+++++++++++

I loved this film too - saw it on Monday. I liked that it was subtly nuanced, that a lot of the acting that Paul Giamatti put in was low key and in the eyes. I also especially liked the way that Jack completely broke down when persuading Miles to fetch the rings, that his cocky exterior totally crumbled and you saw the little boy's desperation - in that sequence you finally began to realise why Jack had stayed friends with Miles for 20 years, what the glue in that relatinship was, as prior to that scene Miles was definitely the 'pity' friend that you thought Jack was humouring.

4 and a half Garys.

[ 10.03.2005, 06:55: Message edited by: H1ppychick ]
 

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Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 
Er - you might want to put a **SPOILER** in there, Hippy?

Maybe I'm being over-precious.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
There was little gore in the film that I watched last night, just a few floating brains being shot. I don't just watch horror and gore, you know. I'm now slowly building a pr0n/exploitation collection, inspired by film 'Emmanuelle in America". I'm expecting the first three Emmanuelle films from The States soon, which although not exactly 'pr0n', are probably important in terms of its developmental history. Stay tuned for reviews.

Fans of gore, however, should check out French film "Dans Ma Peau" (In My Skin), which has just come on DVD. I saw this number in the cinema, and it's about a woman who cuts herself to ribbons and then eats herself. It's pretty nasty and very strange, but there are some nice arguments raised about the metaphysical implications of bodily dysmorphia. It'll make you wince though. If you like women eating themselves, be sure to give "Naked Blood" a look-see. I've already mentioned this, and after a second viewing I still can't make sense of it. The self-cannibalism is even more lovingly recreated than in Dans Ma Peau. Check out the squirting blood after the chick pulls her own eye out with a fork... MENTAL!

[ 10.03.2005, 06:37: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

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Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by ben:
Er - you might want to put a **SPOILER** in there, Hippy?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
Looking forward to seeing what he's got up his sleeve for his next feature.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
O good - I'm glad now, that I scroll past H1ppychick's posts.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Dr. Benway:
Paul Giamatti played Harvey, you fucknut.

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quote:

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Originally posted by ben:
I never saw About Schmidt as I vowed never to watch a Nicolson mid/end-life crisis film again after the welter of shit and stale cum that was Something's Got To Give.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Dr. Benway:
Did anybody watch Bad Lieutenant last night? A laff riot, and well timed to coincide with my purchase of the DVD.

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quote:

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Originally posted by ben:
I never saw About Schmidt as I vowed never to watch a Nicolson mid/end-life crisis film again after the welter of shit and stale cum that was Something's Got To Give.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
So you watched the shit one, and missed the gem? Nice one - I should really follow your film picks more often.

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quote:

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Originally posted by The H Pony:
Have you watched that? Or is it one of those mythical 'greats' in the film canon that no-one's ever actually seen? I think I read about it once, but I was probably too busy watching Ocean's Fifteen or something to actually devote any eye-time to it.

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quote:

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Originally posted by The H Pony:
Have you watched that? Or is it one of those mythical 'greats' in the film canon that no-one's ever actually seen?

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quote:

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Originally posted by discodamage:
what, big mommas house?

watched kinsey last nite. it is very good, if a little dawdley towards the end. intelligent and moving, so much so that i did a little cry of appreciation for mr kinsey's work, considering what life would have been like without his contribution to the sexual revolution. groo. doesnt bear thinking about.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
Come on - The Third Man's hardly a struggle to watch - unless you're particularly turned off by black and white. It's so tightly paced it could hold the gaze of an eight year old or even - a my case - an intellectually and emotionally stunted 20 something who struggles with anything that doesn't have CGI and wire fu within the first ten minutes.

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quote:

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Originally posted by discodamage:
is anyone going to make a film about the crushing disappointment 30-something women get when they look at their own lives?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Dr. Benway:
Robocop is an interesting one though, because it was lumped in with the sly and arnie films of the time.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Black Mask:
You can't be expected to understand. Women just don't suffer the way that men do.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Vogon Poetess:
Yes, it was called Bridget Jones. A pretty damning indication of what happens when you let an XX near a camera or typewriter.

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quote:

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Originally posted by The H Pony:
They really do not stand the test of time.

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You really have to watch Commando again. Do yourself a favour, rent the video, invite a few open-minded friends over, take the phone off the hook, skin up a fat one or open a bottle of wine... and let the mirth begin. Commando deserves 'classic' status just for its bad guy.
 

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Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
In case you forgot...


Bennett
Fat Ocker with a suspect moustache and a metal string vest.
 

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Posted by The H Pony (Member # 784) on :
 
Lol. I had forgotten. I might have to do that this very weekend.
 

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Posted by The H Pony (Member # 784) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Vogon Poetess:
A pretty damning indication of what happens when you let an XX near a camera or typewriter.

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Yes, because X-chromosome deficiency is a necessary precursor to quality.
 

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Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by discodamage:
is anyone going to make a film about the crushing disappointment 30-something women get when they look at their own lives?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Black Mask:
You really have to watch Commando again. Do yourself a favour, rent the video, invite a few open-minded friends over, take the phone off the hook, skin up a fat one or open a bottle of wine... and let the mirth begin. Commando deserves 'classic' status just for its bad guy.

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Which bad guy are you talking about? I particularly like the terrifying black man who goes round killing all of Arnie's mates at the start of the film, with a completely deadpan face. It's also worth watching for the fact that Arnie's character is called 'John Matrix'.
 

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Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 

 

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Posted by George the Robot (Member # 681) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Black Mask:
In case you forgot...
Fat Ocker with a suspect moustache and a metal string vest.

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quote:

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Originally posted by The H Pony:
Yes, because X-chromosome deficiency is a necessary precursor to quality.

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quote:

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Originally posted by New Way Of Decay:
The film is quite deadly. Sometimes things no wrong when you watch it. It's cursed I tell ya.

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• There are two of you watching it
• You've both had about 8 pints of lager and yet are still drinking
• It's Christmas Eve

quote:

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Originally posted by discodamage:
is nurse betty any good? i have avoided neil labute because his first film was the kind of examination of the arid black heart of the modern male bullshit that i try and avoid. also, it has renee zellwegger in it. nurse betty, that is.

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quote:

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Originally posted by discodamage:
and lol imdb reminds me that nora ephron isnt even a director shes a screenwriter.

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quote:

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Originally posted by discodamage:
is nurse betty any good?

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quote:

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Originally posted by scrawny:
'Lost in translation' was, again, aboout a man having a midlife crisis, despite being written and directed by a woman. OK, I'm seeing your point now.

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quote:

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Originally posted by discodamage:
is anyone going to make a film about the crushing disappointment 30-something women get when they look at their own lives?

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quote:

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Originally posted by The H Pony:
That was awful, though. Bill Murray in worst 'just showed up for work' mode.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Black Mask:
Would a film like this really be healthy, though? Surely women are happier with films about romance, chocolate, gay best friends and dancing hunks? No?

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quote:

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Originally posted by scrawny:
Did you really think it was awful? Or is it just not trendy to like it because Glamour magazine gave it 5 stars*?

*Probably

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quote:

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Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
I think most of the time the woman-angst thing tends to be played out on television, rather than in the cinemas simply because that's where the bulk of the audience is. You could argue that if there were more films aimed at women, then more women would go to the pictures, but it's not really in the nature of the business to take any kind of risk.

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quote:

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Originally posted by The H Pony:
Actually, I thought it had very good reviews?

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quote:

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No, I really thought it was dire. Lost in Translation was just a waste of two hours and some popcorn.*

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quote:

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Originally posted by scrawny:
I understand that mass popular appeal puts some people off saying they like things, but I didn't think anybody thought it was a truly terrible film. Did you think it was better or worse than The Matrix Revolutions? Better or worse than The Last Samurai? Better or worse (here comes the money shot) than Legally Blonde 2?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
the angst was sort of formless, generic 'I'm so bored' rubbish. You know, like teenage poetry that goes "the aching darkness begins again and eats at my insides". Doesn't really connect with anything. It's just kind of maudlin and ill-defined.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
Defending Robocop is roughly as easy as attacking Big Momma's House, though. You may as well praise someone for cobbling together a decent for case for The Third Man

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quote:

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Originally posted by ben:
Don't make me laugh - you couldn't even work up a defence of Pulp Fiction without coming across like a deformed by-blow of Father Geek and Paul Ross.

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quote:

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Originally posted by discodamage:
[QB] affect, scarlett, affect!

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quote:

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Originally posted by discodamage:
eurghh! its like london is pissing on my head.

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That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said about my writing.
 

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Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by omikin:
lol is that someone pissing? i thought it was someone walking a giant cockroach.

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No, I think it's a lady trying to do a wee like a man. Maybe it's London herself.


 

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Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
It works! It's like having a Thorn Davis hand puppet!

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You know you've seen too much of the internet when a jest like this evokes fisting imagery.

 

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Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 
I love my tag.
 

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Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
 
why is she pissing on a big bug?
 

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Posted by discodamage (Member # 66) on :
 
because if she trod on it she would get loads of bug-guts on her marvellous domme boots. stupid.
 

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Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 
She's pretending it's the ulcerated open mouth of someone she hates.
 

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Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by London:
She's pretending it's the ulcerated open mouth of someone she hates.

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quote:

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Originally posted by discodamage:

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quote:

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Originally posted by Dr. Benway:
yes, no, I agree with Mask about Translation. I was drunk in the cinema, so it kind of floated past me. It seemed very ambient and shallow, and it would have worked well if we had heard the whisper at the end, really loudly going "Apathy...The new fragrance from Calvin Klein".

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The shitness of LIT is totally explained by the fact that it was inspired by a Sean Connery ad for Suntory whisky.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
Anchorman

Stupid but funny in places. Also unfunny in places, but more hits than misses.

Ghostwatch

still really scary at the end. It hasn't aged as much as I thought it might. Some poor acting lets it down from time to time, and it takes ages to get going, but you can still feel how brave and interesting it was as both entertainment and a way of playing with the traditional format of the live broadcast. Michael Parkinson is pretty good at playing himself, and Sarah Greene is about as genuine as she ever was. The banter between her and 'Smithy' is funny in places.

Anyway, this is where 'Most Haunted' kicked off, in a fictional format that was so disturbing that some kid killed themselves. It was never shown again, or released on video, and as far as I know, the BBC never attempted a mocku-broadcast like this again.

It's really worth watching for historical purposes as well as for a good scare.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
The Bird With The Crystal Plumage


Argento is probably best known for A) collaborating on the script and producing a unique edit of Dawn Of The Dead, and B)being at the helm of the hypnotic and sinister Suspiria, which is hailed as both a gothic classic and a materclass in bold cinematography. Way before he sealed his reputation as a master of stylish macabre, he was known for producing tense and disturbing thrillers, and The Bird With The Crystal Plumage was the first of his 'animal' trilogy. To a world that was used to the hysteria of Fellini, Argento presented an entirely new kind of italian cinema with his debut film.

Drawing noticably from Hitchcock, Argento tells a story of an American author living in an Italian City,who witnesses a bizarre attempted murder at an art gallery. His naturally inquisitive nature gets the better of him, and as he begins to apptoach the identity of the killer, he puts himself and his Italian girlfriend's life in jeopardy.

Although the story is gripping and twisty enough, it's the style that makes this film so watchable. The use of dizzying camera angles and stark contrasts of simple colours are able to draw a nightmarish quality from the most innocent of situations. Teh grinds and screams of an electronic soundtrack are of a far better quality than those that appear in films from the same genre and period, and the acting from the lead is perfect. It all seems very professional considering the presumably constrained budget, and it's not hard to see how Argento could later make the transition from giallo thriller into straight horror. By keeping the plot progression believable and fluid, the tension builds up to a gut wrenching climax, when one by one the suspects begin turning up dead, as if Argento is challenging you to guess the murderer before they end up murdered themselves.

It's stylish and flashy, and suitably twisted in places. The pacing is quicker than many films of the genre, making it an absorbing experience. Recommended.


Lost Highway
(for the sixth time)

Yeah, I was with it up until he was in the desert and turned back into Bill Pullman. I held onto the story longer than beore, but I still had to let go after Getty shagged Arquette after busting Andy's head. Ah well. Here's hoping the seventh time makes more sense

[ 21.03.2005, 10:03: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

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Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 
I'm just about to watch A Tale Of Two Sisters on my own! I have never ever ever watched a horror movie on my own before. Especially not one that is allegedly as scary as 'Ring'. Pain has made me brave!
 

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Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
Over the weekend I watched a couple of movies I hadn't seen before.

Cross Of Iron

Sam Peckinpah turns his hand towards the war movie, and it's exactly the fearsome beast you'd expect and hope. Bloody Sam runs riot with tanks, mortars, barbed wire and slow motion in a frankly astonishing account of the German retreat through Russia. By this point Peckinpah was really firing on all cylinders as far as his action chops were concerned, and the bit with the tanks is one of the finest action set pieces in cinema, delivering on the terrifying, unstoppable menace of these metal beasts as they surround an encampment of German soldiers. As usual, the movie is shot through with Sam's usual disgust for glory seeking authority figures and championing of outsiders who stand by their personal loyalties. It also features a fantastic turn from James Coburn as war legend Steiner, practically defining the word 'grizzled'. This movie scores 8 guns on my cool'o'meter.

Serpico

Continuing the theme of 70s frustrated men raging against authority figures, is Sidney Lumet's real-life police drama Serpico. The general feeling in my screening room (lounge) was one of disappointment, as the story of Frank 'Paco' Serpico failed to age as well as some of Lumet's other work. Pacino indulges in a tour de force of method acting (grows a beard), while the film starts to repeat itself at around the 40 minute mark. The only thing to distinguish one scene of Frank Serpico angrily raging against another instance of police corruption from the next, is the fact that his beard gets longer and his dog gets bigger. There's no real resolution either. The film just kind of stops, and Serpico - sick of a society mired in corruption and bereft of integrity - goes to live in Switzerland where the Nazi gold comes from. Serpico also loses points for causing an argument between my girlfriend and I. I felt it was a happy ending: despite losing all the women in his life, being hated by all those that surround him and getting shot in the face, he still had his dog. She reckoned the dog would probably have had to be put down, due to Swiss quarantine laws. Serpico gets 6 guns.
 

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Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
 
this weekend i decided to stop going for the obvious choice. and went for the obvious choice.
audition
right i thought, i'll have you, its been about 12 months of pysching myself up for this. and it started out ok. unfortunately i watched this after 12 hours in the lab, and fell asleep for the first hour. i did however see the whole "deeper, deeper" and thought "whoah, where the fuck did this all come in from?". as when my last lucid memory of the film was her lifting the sheets to show the scar on her leg.
so i'm going back to this tonight.
so. yeah. bit of instead of what i really should be able to type.

fight for your life

a nice black middle class aspirational god fearing family (preacher man, fit daughter, conservative mother, cocky brother, granny in wheelchair who isn't down with integration ('I Don't Want Nobody to Give Me Nothing (Open Up the Door, I'll Get It Myself)') undergo home invasion and hostage situation by three on the lam prisoners. can you say "racial stereotyping"?
prisoner 1 = a volatile emotive hispanic dude.
ling = a pyschotic creepy asian dude who was in prison for child killing.
kane= psychotic sociopath with red hair. from the south. therefore racist.

anyway features rape, child killing, killing, racial abuse from kane about everyone (he even calls his colleagues "chink" and "spic").
creeping tension, stabbing, laughable technology.

the racist tension starts with "coon" and keeps going. it certainly feels as if the hatred is real. its an obvious film but for some reason it got banned in the uk (so the blurb says anyway).

i'd definitely recommend it too you the viewer. if only for this scene:


gang tapes

shot entirely on dv, from the main characters POV (wow get me with my film terminology).
viewed through the eyes of Kris. a 13-14 year old kid who on the surface of it is a good kid. doing well at school, good mother, nice sister. just starts hanging out with the wrong crowd. and he lives in LA. south central LA. so you can see where this goes....
charts a summer of his life.
bit obvious, bit in debt to all the other gangster films out there. most like boyz in the hood.
however!
the pov thing is interesting. and then you find out that everyone involved is from south central LA and has had gang experience. not big stuff. but they're done "stuff" or had family involvment. which makes it more interesting.
worth watching for the freestyle scene alone.
makes you think/wonder much like "city of god" what happened to all the actors in there?


i think i had a thing for "home invasion" this week. possibly should have rounded off with funny games? just for extra shitzandgigglez.

[ 21.03.2005, 12:12: Message edited by: doc d ]
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
Emmanuelle

There's literally loads of stuff about this 'classic' on the net, so I'll try and be brief, although I doubt I can muster up an original opinion. I remember this as a kid being almost mystical in its sexual appeal. That picture of Sylvie Krystal with a pearl necklace (no, ben, an actual pearl necklace) and some suspenders used to make me feel a bit funny. It was a film for adults, a sex film that I would watch when I became an adult. I couldn't wait - literally - so last night I cracked the spine on the Emmanuelle triple pack, and plunged into the velvety labia of this French softcore legend.

The dude who directed this also turned out the film version of "Story of O", and it shares its roots in French erotic literature. The themes will be recognisible to anybody who has read around the gallic theories of hedonism - release from bondage via the emancipation of the body and the fufillment of desires that only exist subconsciously. As such, the plot is predictable, and has been copied a gazillion times. Middle class chick is hanging around in Thailand with a load of ex pats, and they all like to bone, and she is lured into a world of lezzing up, and then hooks up with some die hard hedonist who sets her up with a gang rape in order to mature her from girl to woman. Those crazy French!

It's well 1974. The typically lush backdrops of the colonial community are all ultra-soft focused, and the naked bodies (of which there are few) are made up to appear flawless. The sex consists of grinding and moaning, with some jazzy music fading in and out as breasts are pulled from dresses and suspenders are unhooked. There's some unconventional moments. A barely pubescent girl frigs herself off in front of Emmanuelle, and a Thai girl smokes a fag with her pussy, but it's all so ambient and levelled off that it's hard to get interested, so to speak. Dialogue is stacatto and awkward, with many analogous anecdotes being recited and theories of hedonism being explored by misty eyed French lovelies, and the overall effect is similar to taking tranquilizers and then going to a park. Looks good, moves slowly, with moments of safe eroticism. The gang rape is the only WTF scene, but even that seems detached. I suppose that's the point; there's lots of talk about detaching infantile emotions from the act of fucking. It's a quest to slay the inner child with a pork sword, to meld intellect and animal desire into a singular super-consciousness. This seems a bit hokey, but reflects the intellectual French way of looking at sex. Even as recently as The Sexual Life of Catherine M, it seem as if the path to existential zen is fraught with boners. An interesting comparison would be "Atomised", which is a kind of re-appraisal of these values, which were pretty popular in the mid to late seventies.
Either way, it doesn't seem very real or likely, and there is a slightly unpleasant undertone.. it seems as if chicks get down with dudes and chicks, but dudes only get down with chicks, which is a stumbling block.

It's filmed well enough, and evenly paced, but it won't get anybody off. Footballers Wives is probably a more relevant and erotic examination of modern day hedonism than this, so as such Emmanuelle is more of a curiosity and a 'landmark' than a serious text, and it's more of an advert for soap or shampoo than a porno. Not really recommended.

[ 22.03.2005, 06:30: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
I quite liked the bit where the dudes were nailing her on the plane though. I liked the way that she just sat there and they came over, with their lovely coiffeured hair and classic '70s businessman' suits.

here is the poster that I was talking about. Contains mild knockers.
 

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Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 
that's a rape scene, isn't it?

[ 22.03.2005, 07:15: Message edited by: MiscellaneousFiles ]
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
No. Apparently, there's more rape-orientated escapades in Emmanuelle 2, which I'll watch tonight if I'm sober.
 

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Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 
Alright Benway - I just wanted to drop you a brief note to say how much I enjoyed your Emmanuelle review. The creamy vibe of the review seemed to me to catch the atmosphere of the film - of which I've seen... a number of sequences.

You once described how you felt Lovecraft was kind of frightening himself as he wrote his tales of mayhem and slime (indeed, that was their power) - and that's the sense I get from your digressions on film. When you're talking about terrifying foetus-hentai there's a haggard fixity to your prose; in this instance, more of a low-frequency sense-blur - rather like watching Sylvia K sensually caressing her own limbs while undressing after a poorly-filmed colonial tennis match.

Anyway. Good stuff.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
thanks ben. I didn't get a chance to watch the second one last night, as I had some difficulties remaining sober.
 

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Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
 
this weekend:
okie noodling
a documentary.
about fishing in oklahoma for catfish.
with your hands.
hand fishing is legal in four states, oklahoma, louisiana and tennessee. the fourth one i can't remember.
basically. you climb in a river, thats generally muddy as thats what catfish live in. and find a catfish hole. stick your arm in and wiggle your fingers to entice the bastard to bite your arm. and then pull it out. all 40-50 lb of this big ole fish. this sounds nuts and is. but. there's some sort of purity in the way they're fishing for these things.

contains: fish, water, mud, rednecks, humour, a competition, a catfish noodling queen competition and generally "these people are fucking idiots".
soundtracked by the flaming lips.




[ 28.03.2005, 00:09: Message edited by: doc d ]
 

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Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
Over t'bank holiday, then...

Alien Vs Predator

It seems redundant and lazy to use phrases like 'Big puddle of badger wank' when describing this movie, but these are the words that immediately spring to mind. Half-assed, under-cooked and with barely anything to recommend it the film batters you with idiotic ideas and half-realised set-pieces. Features one of the worst back stories in recent history, as one hamfisted moment of exposition reveals that predators were responsible for building ancient egypt. Mmm. There are a few moderately interesting moments, all pilfered from better movies. It never really gets going, and the characters never even take the step into cliche, or characature - they're literally nothing more than meat wandering around blathering inanities and then dying bloodlessly and without suspense. This gets 0 guns of my cool-o-meter.

Anacondas - Hunt For the Blood Orchid

This is more like it! In many ways, an more creatively bankrupt idea than AvP, Anaconda II is actually enjoyable, slick and lots of fun. A trip to the imdb reveals that the film is riddled with biological innaccuracies (super-sized constrictors strking like cobras, tigers that are a couple of continents out the way). It's almost as though the producers didn't give a fuck! Still it's a nice meld of jungle/ monster movie, and manages to splice in conventions from the two genres. It has some memorably sinister moments; like a snake weaving through the legs of the main players as they tramp through the river, and one slain anaconda with a pair of human legs poking from its belly. If the idea of actors from Coronation Street getting eaten by snkaes appeals, you could do worse than to check this one out.

Violent Cop

A 15 year old movie by Asian megastar takeshi kitano, this violent movie's been recommended a few times on here. It's a violent story about a cop who visits acts of violence on the violent mobsters in the violent underworld of a violent city. Takeshi plays the cop of the title who resorts to violence at every opportunity, and predcitably falls prey to acts of violence himself. The title pretty much allows you to infer what the content of the film's going to be. It's miserable, cynical and violent stuff with little to offer in the way of hope or redemption. I watched it on Easter Sunday.
 

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Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
 
Thorn, you forgot to mention the proliferation of great lines in Anacondas Two, including:

"Get yo' asses down to Borneo!" and

"We're young, single....and in Borneo!"

Aspiring scriptwriters might like to take note that including "Borneo" in any line appears to make it instantly great.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
nice reviews, Thorn. However, I have a question - why do you watch such terrible films?
 

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Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Dr. Benway:
nice reviews, Thorn. However, I have a question - why do you watch such terrible films?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
Finally, the most obvious answer is that they can be quite good fun.

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Im with you there man. I blame mystery Science Theatre 3000 when I was a teen which taught me to appreciate total shite.

I was watching the worst movie ever the other day when the power went out half way through. I was still pissed about it the next day. And there was a ripper on the day before that set in ye olde days with a plot so weak it would be rejected from even porn movies. I may have to dig up the old TV magazines for the title. Recommened viewing if you like watching "badger wank".
 

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Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
 
Last year we organised a Shit Films Night, involving Battlefield Earth, Van Helsing and a Steven Seagal turd. It was a productive exercise, in that we scientifically proved that Van Helsing is the worst film ever made. It's useful to have this kind of factual knowledge to act as a benchmark when judging other films.
 

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Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
 
Only the most noble scientists suffer for their research.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
Collateral


I love Michael Mann. Men, guns, duties and guilts all rolled up into a shiny package. And Collateral has got to be his shiniest work since Miami Vice. Everything, literally, glints. Every car has been waxed to a mirror, every building is a shining totem to the big swinging drug dealer dicks of LA. Normally this level of gloss would be sickening, like an accident in a laminating shop (Boy Racer?), but somehow here it works. The newness of the laptops, the crispness of the clothes, and the tightness of the soundtrack all create a sense of futuristic luxury. However, it is melancholic in its perfection, because there is always an alley or a pistol in the corner of every scene. These elements never seem threatening though... just part of the natural cycle of such a sprawling metropolis. Death by gunshot is neither glorified nor ignored... Just a fact of life in the City of Angels. For me, LA was the real star here.

Anyway, LA love aside, it's an alright film. Standard Mann plot involving assasins and drugs and streetwise cops. Tom Cruise is excellent as the grey haried hitman who has comandeered Jamie Foxx's cab for the night. He's mostly doing his jaw clenching seriousness (as first seen when Goose died in topgun) act, but things kick off at the end and he's like a business class terminator, complete with invincibility and a penchant for running through windows.

I don't know what it is about Mann that I like. His films are very serious whilst remaining entertaining.. He doesn't need to put in buddy cops or smart-ass dialogue to lift a thriller above the (low) Will Smith benchmark. Perhaps it is the way that he focuses on character development, and takes enough time to do it with subtlety, rather than filling the action with 'do or die' moments. In fact, there's a neat 'ordinary hero' kind of feeling to the end sequences, which he has always been good at.

A classy film, that sticks to all Hollywood conventions, but makes them shine. Literally.

[ 06.04.2005, 10:33: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
"Sometimes when they're playing for high stakes...people piss in their pants"

Confessions of a Trickbaby

This is like the opposite of Collateral. Grungey and crass, and focusing on the tribulations of a couple of runaway teenageers,it is everything that Hollywood is not, and then some.


Crystal and Cyclona pal up at a penal hospital, where Crystal is being treated for Bulemia, and Cyclona for something akin to schizophrenia. They kind of make friends, but Crystal is annoyed that Cyclona is always trying to get in her pants. Anyway, after some binge 'n' purge parties and a strange scene involving a naked chick with a hook for an arm, they bust out and go on a journey to find Cyclona's salvation during her childhood of sexual abuse, a nun type person called 'Sister Gomez., played by Vincent Gallo.

This is a pretty fucked up film, so much so that I thought whilst watching it that it might be one for Thorn. It's got copious vomiting and some (off screen) soiling via urination. It has aerosol sniffing, female masturbation, lesbian sex, lots of gory stabbings, constant swearing, and a massive prosthetic cock. It's essentially road movie, but I haven't seen anything like this before. It's brave and unhinged, requiring an appreciation or at least a tolerance of exploitation cinema to be of interest. If vomit gags can rest easy alongside paedophilia and serial killing in your perverted mind, then this is the film for you.

Liner notes talk about the Hansel and Gretal plot, and the writer/director uses the device of the folk tale to examine many modern fears and taboos, but always erring on the side of the absurd to ensure it isn't preachy. An unpromising start (starring John Landis as a court judge, movie fans) tightens up as the moral aspects start becoming clear, but it remains consistently suurprising and disorientating, and it's hard not to feel a bit tainted for having travelled with the serial killer and hustler to the twisted finale.

The transfer seemed almost abusively bad, and gave me a headache. Really muffled and utterly flat sound made hearing all of Gallo's lines a bit of a chore. This effect kind of added to the exploitation vibe, but knackered some scenes. I wouldn't normally go on about DVD technical stuff, but it was a bit of a pain in this case.

A mad little film with some good social commentary and loads of filth. Also, Gallo is superb as the creepy 'Sister Gomez'.

[ 07.04.2005, 09:14: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
Jesus Fuck! It's

The Gore-Gore girls


You probably know director Hershall Gordon-Lewis best for his groundbreaking gorefest "Bloodfeast", and there's no need for me to mention that this film was the grandfather of modern schlock horror. The 'Gore-Gore Girls' was ones of Gordon Lewis' last films, before he moved into direct marketing (although he recently got behind the camera again for Blood Feast 2), having been released in 1972.

The Gore Gore girls is about a dude who is paid by a newspaper to investigate a series of bizarre and horrific murders that are being carried out of the girls who work at the strip clubs in town. I don't know where town is, although it looks like it could be in California somewhere. A journalist follows this man about as he travels between strip clubs and murder scenes during the course of his 'investigation'.

This film isn't about plot though, it's about images. The murders are pretty fucking sick... there is an emphasis on really fucking up women, not just killing them. They are shredded, pulped, tenderised, fried, ironed and mutilated into piles of Technicolor meat. The murders are carried out in close up, usually with some marching band music or lame surfer style (think 'wipeout') music playing along in the background. When this isn't happening, we're usually watching a crap stripper shake tasselled breasts in a seedy looking strip club. The humour is in the worst possible taste, and the whole thing feels as if it's only purpose on the earth is to piss off anybody who is trying to find political or social significance here. It's certainly misogynist but the fact that Lewis puts an angry mob of feminists into the picture as a suspect for the murders suggests that he is doing this deliberately, and it's hard to be sure of his convictions beyond trying to wind people up.

Still, it exists, and it's fucked up. There's something a bit otherwordly about it. The terrible framing, the awful acting and ludicrous script make a film so bad that it's hard to believe that it is watchable. But it is the constant assault on any notions of good taste, and the uniquely hysterical use of cinema as an artform that keep it mesmerising.


Certainly the goriest film I've seen in a long time.
 

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Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 
Weren't the Gore-Gore Girls a group of dancers from Newcastle?
 

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Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 
That film sounds reprehensible. And not even sexually arousing.
 

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Posted by jnhoj (Member # 286) on :
 
I wish I was capable of more than two word summarisations:

Bully: Larry Clark apparently getting desperate to shock, some terrible, terrible acting. Bunch of fucktard kids that is a true story deciding to kill someone in the most ridiculous manner.

"Hey, fancy coming round to kill this dude?"
"Sure!"

Not even redeemed by having sexy boy from the dreamers in it. But he was quite good. Especially good when they are playing mortalk kombat on shrooms...

"Am I dead?" "He fatalitied me"

I think the second line is really good but ive got a feeling i made that up.

Elephant:

I think made famous because it had the iconic white haired by on the cover and was about columbine. Very, very sparse. Utterly boring and I swear there were inconsistences in the narration, ie it gets told from 3 different view points and shows the same scene twice, but the scenes have difference depending on viewpoint, im portant ones like people not being there. Is that supposed to be there and represent unreliable narration from the sh311sh0cked kids or was i just going stir crazy and imagining it?

More utterly stupid scenes of kid just walking towards the killers and then getting shot. pointless gaying it up scene. VERY VERY SHIT DOOM ripoff on a computer screen. I liked the empty corridor shots earlier in the day and at points it did capture school life well but that was it.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
nice one jhonj. I went with TMO's pin-up girl 'The Vogon' to see Elephant, and the cinema broke three times! So we watched Starsky and Hutch, and I don't think that either of us liked it. I mean, it's good when he's going 'Rum and Coke, do it. Do it.', but I don't remember the rest. Oh Ben Stiller does some coke and Snoop is very thin.

I haven't seen any Larry Clark. He seems a bit...deviant.
 

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Posted by jnhoj (Member # 286) on :
 
Zoolander > Dodgeball > Starsky and hutch.

I did watch starsky and hutch in italian so I suppose a lot of the jokes were kind of lost on me.

After zoolander surely that pair should have realised they were making the same film over. and over. again.

[ 08.04.2005, 06:33: Message edited by: jnhoj ]
 

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Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 
Zoolander was fucking awesome though, wasn't it?
 

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Posted by jnhoj (Member # 286) on :
 
I was astounded when they had the dance off AGAIN in starsky and hutch. jokes. Done so much better in Zoolander, Zoolander is wicked yes.

I tried to watch ichi the killer. heard squelching saw red. panicked, turned tv off.


 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
I liked Zoolander, and I also liked Cable Guy, which was Stiller's directorial debut, Thteven. Dodgeball was pure shite.
 

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Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
 
I liked dogeball. I found it quite funny.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
ha ha!, yes...funny...
 

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Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
Is Vince Vaughn supposed to be a comedian? Where did he come from?
 

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Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Black Mask:
Is Vince Vaughn supposed to be a comedian? Where did he come from?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Dr. Benway:
I liked Zoolander, and I also liked Cable Guy, which was Stiller's directorial debut, Thteven.

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quote:

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For SCRAPBOOK, actors Emily Haack, playing Clara, and Tommy Biondo, playing Leonard, insisted that the unsettling events of the movie be presented with as much realism as possible. The torture and rape struggle sequences were played with nothing held back by the actors, resulting in a battered and bruised Haack and Biondo at the end of each day's shooting. Also in the spirit of realism: The sets included real rotting food so that the actors would be affected by the smell of their environment. The dead, decomposed cow in the movie is a real dead, decomposed cow. Scenes depicting sexual interaction were shot with no censoring or minimizing of the nudity or the sexual acts. With the exception of vaginal insertion, all sexual interaction was actually performed by the actors. And, the shot of Tommy Biondo urinating on a sobbing Emily Haack was not faked.

Monsters At Play

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quote:

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'Scrapbook' is without a doubt one of the most brutal and horrifying films ever released...period. In fact I doubt there has ever been a film so scarily close to the bone in perfectly depicting the real terrifying intensity of the psyche of a serial killer

Sex Gore Mutants

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quote:

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...cuts of 15m 24s were required. The cuts were Compulsory.
Cuts required to remove sexual assault and humiliation, and sexualised violence, to obtain an '18' in accordance with BBFC guidelines and policy.
(BBFC)

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quote:

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As a side note, I once had a conversation with a man who said that he thought Schindler's List was "pretty good, but the naked chicks in that one section didn't do anything for me." Which was absolutely sickening. I would get the same feeling if anyone told me that they didn't find Emily Haack attractive, even though she is naked for most of the film. They've either missed the point, or they are desensitized beyond even being human.

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For the record, it's true. She isn't attractive, even when she has her mams out .

[ 14.04.2005, 10:39: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
ffs benway, nobody cares about your sick little perversions.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
whatever, fuckstick.
 

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Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 
Why don't you just kill someone and get it over with?
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
[careful now - Darryn]

I'm not a h8er, I'm a lover.

[ 14.04.2005, 11:42: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
l@@K! You're pissing on my exposed heart.
 

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Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Dr. Benway:
[careful now - Darryn]

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What did you do, Benway?
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 


I can't say.
 

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Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
 
I just watched the worst film in the history of bad films - evah.

I :heart: huckabees.

It's a great big steaming pile of poo. Do not watch it. You will feel like you are dying a slow and painful death.
 

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Posted by jnhoj (Member # 286) on :
 
Wrong! R u stupid m8! Its ahbout feelosofee don u understan lol!!
 

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Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
 
Butterfly Effect is the worst film. So there.

Even when Ashton Kushter loses his arms.
 

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Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
 
i saw 's.a.w.' which was totally stupid and hugely entertaining. also: i watched 'palindormes' by todd solondz, which did not make me think, a fucking cool chinese film called 'green hat' and a rather charming iraqi film abiout kurdish kids just befor ethe war called 'turtles can't fly' i think.


oh yeah, i was subjected to teh worst film EVAH: 'a hole in my heart'. it's swedish grim. ugly people being miserable. lots of like symbolism and shit yer average sixth form goth would puke at. jesus, that film was a fucking trial. if everyone involved in making it died, the world would be a slightly better place.
 

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Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
 
I finally got around to watching 'Versus' which is aptly titled. Imagine hours of seemingly neverending over-stylised chop-socky. The only time people stop fighting is to out pose or glare each other. It reminds me of the this:



Versus:



Versus:



I watched the Japanese version of The Grudge beforehand so was easily WTF'd before settling down with Versus. If anyone can explain The Grudge because I can never stomach sitting through a film that takes near two hours to tell a fifteen minute story. I'm pretty convinced that's what it does. Other examples: Eraserhead.
 

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Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by jnhoj:
Wrong! R u stupid m8! Its ahbout feelosofee don u understan lol!!

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It may have been Johnners, but it was still POO
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
yeah, the grudge. Thing is. Well. There's this thing that happens, and it makes all this other whack shit happen. Crazy shit. Some kid is killed or something, and it kind of makes this bad karma happen, that then scares people and kills people. Isn't it...it's a police case..or something....

I don't know. I thought it was bollocks mate. load of shit.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
Taking one for the team..It's the Dr. Benway Sexploitation season!


Ilsa: The Wicked Warden

What with the ongoing events at camp x-ray, there couldn't be a better time to take a critical look at Jess Franco's reviled Ilsa: The Wicked Warden. Originally entitled "Greta", it was re-dubbed and re-titled to fit in as part of the Ilsa series, which kicked off with 'She-Wolf of the SS'.

So, a film about torture in a South American all woman prison camp. They're all political prisoners, but are being kept on the basis of treatment for perversions of various sorts. The heroine infiltrates the camp, posing as a pedalo, and enters a world of bare breasted pain.

It's pretty crap, despite being one of Franco's best films. Characters have been eschewed in favour of bizarre camp stereotypes, prancing around and speaking in ridiculous accents. Ilsa herself sounds like Helga from Allo Allo, and despite being 'wicked', is oddly uncharasmatic. The torture is all sexually orientated... electrocution via the vagina, some flogging, and a bit where a chick gets another chick to lick her bottom clean, but it's all a bit Dr. Who, with shaky grey sets and poster paint blood. As such, it doesn't seem menacing or provocative, unlike, for example, Female Market, which I looked at a few weeks ago. Nothing really happens, lots of naked women talking shit in dormatories and guys leering. There is some naked wrestling in the showers, but it's hardly erotic. I don't really know what the point of this film is. It neither horrifies nor arouses; you'd be better off just staring at the cover art. At least you can't hear the terrible accents that way.

Transfer

Who cares? This is one shitty movie.



[ 21.04.2005, 05:30: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
I'm looking forward to the day when I can watch something decent.
 

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Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
I watched Ilsa: TWW a while back. It's pretty ropey, but the opening sequence of the chick in just a shirt running through the woods and falling over in the mud and stuff was quit nice.

Benway - I was thinking about you this morning. I think you should watch charming American indie flick The Station Agent as a kind of antidote to grubby exploitation, and visceral Asian madness.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
Thanks for thinking of me, m8. I thought of you last night, as I watched Ilsa, because I thought you'd watched the first one. You weren't naked or anything though.

I've got Emmanuelle 3 to get through first, and a film about incest called 'Close my eyes'. I'm going to lighten things up with the Von Trier back catalogue, a bit of Tinto Brass, Fellini, Passolini ( ), Kurosawa, and even Bergman! Everybody is always going yabber yabber yabber about 'Wild Strawberries' and 'The Seventh Seal', but I haven't seen either yet.

I've put "The Station Agent" on my list, but it's like number 120, so it'll be ages before I get there.
 

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Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 
I watched The Hours on vhs a couple of weeks ago. I'd been expecting great things as I'm a fan of Mrs Dalloway and all things woolvish and, as I recall, Kovacs said it made him cry when he saw it at the pictures.

Hand on heart, I can say it's the worst mainstream film I've seen in at least five years - and that includes Briget Jones 2 and Something's Gotta Give. Basically, it's about how dreary it is being a well-off woman approaching middle age - you know, the kind of film Discodamage was demanding we see more of.

The only good bit is the unintentionally hilarious moment when Julianne Moore (a catastrophically unmodulated performance, the cheap paste copy of her sparkling turn in Far From Heaven) decides she's going to top herself while reading Mrs Dalloway and that scene is intercut with flashbacks of grey-nosed old Vadge Woolf as she was writing it (Nicole Kidman - awful, awful, awful) encouraging her future reader to end it all - basically like the back-masked messages in that Judas Priest record those kids were listening to when they offed themselves. It's like, Julianne's reading the book and Nicole, while writing it, is going: Do It! Do It! Do It, Bitch! Yeah!

Ed Harris's AIDS-wasted poet is probably the most annoying disease/disability character in a film since the fat kid in the wheelchair in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - regrettably, he doesn't perish in quite so enjoyable a fashion.

The only performer to escape this farrago with any dignity at all is Stephen Dillane, whose impersonation of Leonard Woolf is vivid and note-perfect - oh, and the relationship between VW and her long-suffering servant Nelly Boxall is well done... oh, and Quentin Bell is as big a twat as he probably was in real life...

These are trifles, though. This is a terrible film: a goulash of heavyweight performers and 'prestige' source material that lacks any animating spirit; one can only presume it was produced with one eye on that year's Academy Awards®, in which venture Kidman's grey nose was the most prominent (arf!) success - a victory that'll be regarded in years to come as among Oscar's more risible gestures.

My verdict - out of a possible five sadfaces:

[ 21.04.2005, 10:11: Message edited by: ben ]
 

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Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
 
Most of what you say is true Mr Ben, apart from the startlingly Kovacian cheapshot at the expense of Ms Damage, I agree wholly with your verdict, although I would also add that it does have some very nice lamps in it.

[ 21.04.2005, 08:15: Message edited by: Boy Racer ]
 

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Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
 
Has anyone heard of the Denzel Washington film "The Mancunian Candidate"? It's just that the admin girls just the other side of the sound proof screen here are discussing it at the moment.
 

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Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
 
O dear I nearly fell for that one.
 

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Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 
Ben wasn't saying DD was a well-off woman approaching a dreary middle age! He was saying that DD had been demanding more films that focus on chicks outside the 14-28 age bracket! Ben is nice, not nasty. Silly Boy Racer!
 

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Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
 
Nice old ben.
 

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Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by London:
Ben is nice, not nasty. Silly Boy Racer!

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quote:

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Originally posted by ben:
on vhs

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quote:

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Originally posted by jonesy999:
bag of cock.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Boy Racer:
I'm not convinced. It looked to me like Ben was misrepesenting and dismissing what Disco had actually requested (as you say "more films that focus on chicks outside the 14-28 age bracket"), by specifying class and alying her request with the shitness of The Hours (a film she hated by the way, apart from the lezzing of Toni Collette).

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quote:

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Originally posted by Boy Racer:
This seemed additionally hypocritical given he'd already said how fond of Mrs Dalloway (a story almost entirely "about how dreary it is being a well-off woman approaching middle age") he was.

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quote:

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Originally posted by kovacs:
dribbling a cum of dead ideas.

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quote:

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Originally posted by kovacs:
Nice job of slagging me off

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quote:

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Originally posted by ben:
I don't know - it was just teasing, really.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Boy Racer:
Fair enough, I just think that if you're going to jokingly tease someone about their opinion, it should be about their actual opinion rather than your own convenient manipulation of it. And it should be, you know, funny.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Black Mask:
I think doc d is what's fucking up the boards.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Vogon Poetess:
Dragged a bit... woolly liberal hand-wringing ... cod philosophy ... Great meaty action with swords, arrows, axes, ballistas...plenty of shots of horses galloping against mountainous backdrops. A film cannot contain too many shots of horses galloping against mountainous backdrops.

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quote:

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Originally posted by vikram:
orlando bloom looks like russell crowe in the recent pix i have seen of him. the world does not need two russell crowes. orlando bloom shoot be ripped apart by horses.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Vogon Poetess:

quote:

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Originally posted by vikram:
orlando bloom shoot be ripped apart by horses.

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Also, your last sentence does not make sense.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Vogon Poetess:
Scrawny, if you don't like epic fight scenes and horses, how can you feel the joy of cinema? :puzzled

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quote:

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Originally posted by Vogon Poetess:
However, it is great to be living in a golden age of cinematic battle scenes.

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Mmm. I watched The Two Towers again at the weekend and I have to admit, it wasn't as bad as I remembered it. The battle scenes still have a kind of numbing effect, in that it becomes blatantly apparent that some characters 'just are' indestructible while some (ie. million billion trillion Auks) 'just are' blade fodder that end up getting hacked to bits even when it's nine-onto-one and the one happens to be a tragically lame dwarf (question: what cgi witchery did Peter Jackson employ to make Gimpli so monstrously unfunny? Dwarves are always funny, ffs).

Anyway. I enjoyed Gollum more this time around and found the constant helicopter swooping over majestic kiwi mountain ranges less annoying.

The Ents were still shit, though.

Newsflash: I will be renting the never-before-seen Return of the King this week! Stay tuned for my hard-hitting review.

 

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Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by ben:
(ie. million billion trillion Auks)

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an auk, yesterday.



some orks, yesterday.

i appreciate that as a new dad you don't have as much time as usual to devote to tha boardz, but when you do post, please try not to make such glaring errors.

[ 09.05.2005, 08:22: Message edited by: omikin ]
 

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Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
 
VP will no doubt be horrified to find that you can buy ROTK for £3.97 at Amazon.
 

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Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
 
It's orcs you retoids.

God.
 

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Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
 
i believe "ork" to be an acceptable cultural alternative, veep.

for the hard of thinking, that is.
 

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Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
 
It's Strictly Dunce Fever on here today.
 

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Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
 
i saw hitchihikers guide to the galaxy.

i laughed. a lot.

i also got told not to kick some old fuckers chair. i wasn't. i didn't.

also teenagers: scare the fuck out of me over here. they all hang out at the multiplex and fuck me off.
 

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Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
 
Today I watched La Jetee, THX 1138:4EB and Hidden Fortress -- yesterday I watched Brazil, and last week 1984. If you want to know about any of these films, you can indicate your interest here.
 

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Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
 
I've got Hidden Fortress but as yes haven't watched it - still have Enduring Love and Wonderland from screenselect to watch first. THX 1138 I found very very dull, I remember seeing it as 'the first film from the man that brought you star wars' when younger, and thinking, stop, please just stop. Was going to watch Hitch Hikers yesterday but missed the showing because of work calls and then got drunk on white russians instead.
 

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Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by kovacs:
...and last week 1984. If you want to know about any of these films, you can indicate your interest here.

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quote:

---

Originally posted by ben:

Also: wtf happened to Sauroman? Fucker Treebeard was just like, 'Oh yeah - he's up in his tower but his powers are weak and we won't be seeing that n00b again'.

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quote:

---

Originally posted by ben:
THink this might be a problem with dvd. Rather than doing a scene well the film makers do it badly, then cut it out, then put it back in as an extra - a triple-decker sandwich of pointlessness.

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quote:

---

Originally posted by kovacs:
Brazil had a working title 1984 1/2 and I think it's considered by some to be the movie 1984 should have been. I had seen it patchily before -- it is an incredibly striking film, the effects quite astounding considering they were all achieved the old-skool way with make-up, models, clockwork, sets. Very much steeped in the dark absurdity of Python, and with much of the haunting bad-dream quality that's embedded scenes from Time Bandits in my mind for some 25 years.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by ben:
packed with terrific visual reference points you'll find yourself applying to the madness of everyday life.

---

The one that springs immediately to mind is the grotesque plastic surgery performed on Jonathan Pryce's mother by Jim Broadbent - ripped off recently on Doctor Who in the Zoe Wannamaker-voiced 'last human'.

The later scene in which Pryce encounters his mother, post-surgery, looking younger than him is a horribly prescient horror classic.
 

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Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 
Visually, Enduring Love was perfect.
 

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Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
 
Just finished watching it. Kind of good, liked the coldness of the whole film considering that Daniel Craig's character talked about the biology of love a lot, while people all around him did it at a simple level but in a seemingly comical way. Good acting, but the sound was really muddy in places, which made it feel like listening in to conversations that you couldn't quite follow - bad as there isn't masses of incidental music and the shots were hardly tricky in terms of giving the sound department a hard time.
 

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Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 
Apparently! Gilliam is directing a film about the Brothers Grimm coming out this summer. It's the only picture that really emerges with any credit from this bracingly negative summer preview in The Onion.

[ 12.05.2005, 12:13: Message edited by: ben ]
 

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Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
 
That review thing is fantastic. All films should be reviewed like that. The Pink Panther one was great, just no effort, a simple plus of it not being a requirment to watch it.

Saw HHGTTG (sorry, Hitchhikers) - it was nice, just nice. Martin Freeman is fine, Sam Rockwell is good, Zooey is beautiful, and I think I love Anna Chancellor. There were moments that were great, looked lovely etc, but it was ultimately just nice.
 

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Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 
Benny the Ball is so sweet and positive, all the time. It makes me
 

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Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
 


the invisible girl looks fit as fuck in this film.
 

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Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
 
I just watched Fritz Lang's M. To be honest I had been putting it off as I thought it might be a bit of a dry chore. Was I wrong! This was a film that lays its cold fingers on your soul. The eerily theatrical city location mixes artifice(striking, almost ostentatiously showy camerawork and angles, deliberately stylised Expressionist shadowplay) with rough realism (accented German so fast you can't follow it, surprising amount of 'shit' and uncensored cursing) -- while that use of Gothic lettering on all the signs and newspapers helps the sense of folktale and mythic evil, even in what's clearly a contemporary setting.

For the first hour we're caught up in the mob bloodlust for the child-killer, but when he's about to be caught himself during a painfully extended hunt sequence, we find ourselves guiltily rooting for him; and taking his side against the self-appointed jury and executioners in the finale. The crowd of citzens and criminals will accept nothing but his execution, demanding that he's wiped off the planet -- and he cowers there like a kid, wishing the cops had found him first. It connects quite chillingly with our own paedo-rage, and the threats of murder victims' mothers about what they'd do if they were left in a room with the killer. He's a monster and admits it, but maybe they're monsters too in a way.

The film ends unrelentingly, with a short haunting speech right out at the viewer from a haggard woman, and then cuts out in blackness before you're ready for it. A more intelligent portrait of a serial killer than anything I've seen Hollywood produce -- a basement judgement and punishment more frightening than Blair Witch. Suspense editing, creating sympathy for the villain, that surely inspired Hitchcock. This really is quite an astounding film -- striking that even with everyone involved now dead (villain, child-victims, police, perps, writer and director) it can come right into your modern life and have something relevant to say about us now.
 

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Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
 
Now for two more "M"s -- MOONLIGHTING and MIAMI VICE!
 

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Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
 
I saw an excellent little movie called Spanglish. It's a boyut a loverly Mexican woman and her daughter who move to LA and she ends up working as a maid for a rich family played by Adam Sandler, Tea Leoni or whatever, and a couple of ugly kids. It was a nice fuzzy warm movie, prettyu witty, quiet dramatic at times.

Also, i finally saw Closer. My mate said I simply must see it, mostly because of Natalie Portman. He has been in love with here since she was like 13. This is the second film I've seen with her in, the first being Leon of course. My, how she's grown. Anyway, I totally loved it, despite it being (a) British (b) Jude Law. Julia Roberts ws quite good actually. Adn Natalie, to be honest I thpought she overacted, she seemed like a silly English bint pretending to be American, but whatevr she is so beautiful, it really doesn't matter. i could watch her forever.


Also, that Jim Carrey movie, Lemony Snickets, was charming and all, but didn't really do anythingh for me. Great script. The chick is pretty hot, if you're a nonce.
 

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Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
 
Will everyone fucking stop with this "kovacs is a nonce" I haven't even seen Lemony Snicket.
 

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Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
 
Dude, I didn't say you were a nonse... I didn't refer to you at all.


hey, here's something to make you feel better...



 

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Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
 
Thanks man. Sorry I overreacted a little there.
 

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Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
 
o l d b o y.

a w e s o m e.

i absolutely was hooked from the moment i noticed the letters/symbols spinning in the title sequence right through to the end.

any other recommendations like this please?
i'm starting an asian film thing using a friends netflix account.

comments from people i watched it with last night:
"i was with it until the tongue"
"my brain feels brutalized"
"so the basic plot behind the film wasn't realistic was it?"

i liked the line about not using your imagination and you'll be the bravest person in the world.
 

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Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
 
unleashed: jet li, morgan freeman, bob hoskins.

jet li plays danny (or dan ni i'm not sure) a lethal weapon of a guided man missile capable of death destruction terror in the time it takes to blink.
controlled by a collar he wears around his neck, bob only has to slip this off and whisper "get 'em" and somebody is going to get unhappyily leathered.

all goes a bit p, when they go to an antiques store to collect monies owed and morgan freeman (blind piano tuner) comes to tune some pianos.

basically this is "white fang" by jack london with humans instead of dogs, music by massive attack and directed by luc besson.

set in glasgow but littered with "fackhin cocknees" and one "token northerner".

fight scenes are "aight". one long scene in the bathroom is very impressive, lots of close punches, headbutts etc.

i'd netflix it, rather than pay to see it. if given the choice again.

trailer here
 

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Posted by Physic (Member # 195) on :
 
I watched a film called Tattoo by Robert Schwentke last night, been eyeing it in Blockbuster for weeks and finally got around to watching it. If you read the reviews on that IMDB link many people compare it to Se7en, which is true to a degree, in that it concerns a series of killings/disappearances investigated by a young rookie cop and an older experienced cop, and is shot in a deliberately dark and brooding way, but for me the comparisons largely end there. The basic premise of the film concerns an underground trade in tattoos, people literally collecting the tattooed skin from other people's bodies and displaying them as you'd display a painting on a canvas, and is set against a background of the german underground rave and body modification scenes. It isn't one for anyone of a nervous disposition, some of the scenes, especially the early ones, are gorey in a disturbingly realistic way, as opposed to the sort of ott gore you can laugh off in many Hollywood flicks. The story, while certainly borrowing from previous films in the genre, contains enough original ideas to be entertaining and engrossing, and in many ways is unsettlingly believable. I don't think it's one I'd purchase, as like many films of this type once you know the twists it loses a lot of what makes it entertaining, but if you enjoy the darker side of cinema and have a strong stomach, I'd highly recommend it as a rental.
 

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Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
 
i just saw, in my film overload, a movie called p.s. that stars topher damon and linney whetver. it was shit. also i saw a movie that started real good. it has robin williams being ti yore - ie retard. but then it got shit. it was called house of d or some such. also, made out with a crustie girl. does anyone fancy them. or ahave i hit a new low? some crusties are so beautifu. don't you thin. am a bit woried. mostly i am consumed iwth lust, therefore anyone with bad hair as long as the are pretty is totallyworth a fuck


apparently the new star wars is actually quite good, byr given the last 5 films that aint saying much,
 

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Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 
I heart Huckabees. I didn't watch the entire movie. Not for the ususal reason. I didn't shout FUUUUUUUUUCK! at the TV, leap at the DVD player and cudgel it until it spat out the offending disk. No. The phone rang, about an hour into the movie. It was a callcentre. I left the DVD on pause and went to the fridge to get a beer. I came back, sat down opened the beer and realised I couldn't be fucked to watch the rest of the movie. I thought Marky Mark and Lily Lil were both very good. I thought the movie could've been funnier, but it wasn't a train wreck. I thought it was reasonably interesting. I was just underwhelmed. A bit bored by it. The leading man didn't help. He was an irritating dweeb in Rushmore, which is what Rushmore required. In Huckabees I think he was supposed to be cute.

[ 17.05.2005, 09:40: Message edited by: Black Mask ]
 

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Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
 
I hated that film - I have no idea why I sat and watched it all the way through. Laziness I guess. Couldn't be arsed to turn it off.
 

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Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
 
I have had a regular cinefest and saw H2G2 on Sunday and The Jacket last night.

I loved H2G2 - probably because I hadn't gone in with any particular expectations and therefore was pleasantly surprised that the farcical nature of the piece hadn't been lost in translation. Also I was pleasantly surprised by the low-key way the studio must have been involved as it seemed that the British humour had been preserved without more of an American flavour being imposed. Mos Def was excellent.

The Jacket is an interesting film and manages to maintain the suspense right to the last five minutes. Some interesting British supporting cast (Steven Mackintosh, Daniel Craig) are used well but not enough. Adrien Brody is superb as always and Keira Knightley made me want to smack her smug face in slightly less than usual.

Two thumbs up.

[ 17.05.2005, 10:18: Message edited by: H1ppychick ]
 

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Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by H1ppychick:

The Jacket is an interesting film and manages to maintain the suspense right to the last five minutes.

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quote:

---

Para 3.4 - The Star (hereinthereafter RR) will feature in at least one scene in which his character's beautiful daughter will visit him in prison and describe RR (his character) as "a great man".

3.5 - No five minutes of screen time will pass without RR making an inspiring speech about leadership and/or comradeship in perilous times.

3.6 - RR will get to strip off his shirt to reveal his rippling, ravaged frame AT LEAST ONCE and preferably during some baffling, masochistic proof of muscular manhood such as shifting a huge pile of rocks, pulling a truck or seeing how long he can hold a car battery out in front of him.

3.7 - Strictly NO prison rape to be suffered or administered to/by RR

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quote:

---

Originally posted by ben:
The Last Castle [/i]

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quote:

---

Originally posted by ben:

quote:

---

[i]3.6 - RR will get to strip off his shirt to reveal his rippling, ravaged frame AT LEAST ONCE and preferably during some baffling, masochistic proof of muscular manhood such as shifting a huge pile of rocks, pulling a truck or seeing how long he can hold a car battery out in front of him.

---

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There's some funny shit going down today. Keep it up fellas.

ETA - ...and ladies. This includes dd's comment. As you were.

[ 23.05.2005, 10:59: Message edited by: scrawny ]
 

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Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
 
I'm watching the preview for The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe.
 

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Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
 
Looks like Potter crossed with LOTR, which I suppose is exactly right really.
 

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Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
 
Do you mean Potter as in Dennis or Potter as in Harry?

I'm guessing the latter, but the former would be so much more fun.
 

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Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
 
There's a clever post waiting there for someone who has a lot of time on their hands
 

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Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
 
Yeah, there is isn't there. Perhaps on my next strike day. Or maybe not.

As ever with much-loved children's book adaptations, I fear that the film version might just be too much of a whizzy confection to do the books justice.

Though to be fair, despite the whole altar scene in The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe, it's not the darkest of stories. The Silver Chair with its subterranean captives and awkward outcast hero, or my personal favourite The Voyage of The Dawn Treader with the genuinely frightening greed fables would be far more meaty material.

Spelling edit.

[ 24.05.2005, 08:23: Message edited by: OJ ]
 

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Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
 
I've always had a soft spot for The Magician's Nephew, the one with the creepy wood between the worlds, and the diifferent rings they touch to move between worlds, and then they end up in the deserted grey dust world lit by a low red sun which never moves, and bump into a frightening mad character, details of whom I can't remember but the very recollection of whom is giving me goosebumps.
 

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Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
 
Oh yes! The witchlady is called Jadis, and when Diggory complains that the sun in her world is too large, red and cold, she says creepily that we have "a younger sun and a younger world." I've always remembered that.

Always liked Prince Caspian best I think.

The books are quite po-faced, I wonder if they'll be tempted to write some humour in?
 

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Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
 
Apparently the children now have two sidekicks, a timid hummingbird and a cowardly monkey who speaks in a Geordie accent.
 

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Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 

 

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Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
 
Spot on.
 

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Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by scrawny:
I've always had a soft spot for The Magician's Nephew, the one with the creepy wood between the worlds, and the diifferent rings they touch to move between worlds, and then they end up in the deserted grey dust world lit by a low red sun which never moves, and bump into a frightening mad character, details of whom I can't remember but the very recollection of whom is giving me goosebumps.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by kovacs:
I just watched Silent Running. Stunning combination of convincingly epic exterior shots of spacecraft orbiting Saturn and convincingly battered, everyday spacecraft interiors.

---

I've not seen Silent Running for many years but it's a most memorable film, and a classic for leaving one with a lump in the throat over the fate of, basically, two lumps of computerised metal. It also makes me wonder why there's so few examples of films where a kind of everyday story is transferred to a Sci-Fi setting, instead of yer aliens/laser guns standard fare. (Cue flood of examples from people who actually watch films.)

Has anyone done a robbery movie based in outer space? Or a road movie? (I suppose H2G2 could class as the latter.) Or one where a group of hard up and out of work Martian space miners decide to put on a strip show. No, probably not.
 

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Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
 

High Noon in outer space.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
The Devil's Rejects.

If, like ben, you loved Mr. Rob Zombie's first firm "House of 1000 corpses", then you'll be gagging to know how his latest effort has turned out. Answer: Pretty Good. Better than most horror/exploitation films that you see nowadays.

The opening of the film (after some Texas Chainsaw style credits) takes the characters from the first film - minus Dr. Satan - and pits em against the cops in a full on gun battle at their farmhouse in the desert. The family all wear these welded metal bulletproof suits, so they do pretty good until Baby (Sheri Moon Zombie) and her brother (Bill Mosley) have to split. Mom gets taken by the cops, Tiny stays hidden, and some other guy gets killed. From here on, The Devil's Rejects is a road movie.

The best overview would be to imagine a cross between funny games, texas chainsaw, and the scene from dusk till dawn when they turn up looking for an ice bucket at the motel room. The pair hook up with Spaulding, who is definitely one of the bad guys here, and get down to some torturing and kidnapping. The horror here isn't gory or psychedelic like House.., it's grimy and awkward, driven into the dead soil like a splintered femur. The scenes are hard to watch, but don't really break any new ground apart from in the extent to which the audience are granted access to the more stomach churning side of torture.

It's much better acted, scripted and paced than it's predeccesor, which should tempt back anybody who wrote Zombie off after his debut feature. It offers a counterpoint to films like Man On Fire and Sin City that celebrate torture. For The Devil's Rejcts, neither action nor reaction can justify violence. This may not seem like a revolutionary idea for a horror film, and in many way's it isn't, but it is able to show violence in an almost amoral context.. The no man's land that exists when positive and negative forces collide. It's hard not to make the connections between the current torture policy of the US, and the actions of the cop who is chasing "The Devils Rejects", armed only with a nailgun and a cattleprod, ready to act as the arm of justice for God.

Aside from any lofty wank that I can ascribe to this film, it's essentially a nasty little shitflick that'll leave you feeling a bit tainted, which is an achievement when cannibalism and paedophilia are being tackled elsewhere on the big screen. It also has a brilliant ending that'll pop into your head whenever you hear Lynard Skynard's "Freebird" in the future.

[ 01.06.2005, 12:01: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

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Posted by Good Fairy (Member # 479) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Black Mask:

High Noon in outer space.

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I could watch it for Hours! Sean is the sexiext thing.....
 

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Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
 
What I disliked most about the Ho1kC, aside from the clicheed imagery, was the horrible soundtrack. I realise that people like you and Thorn quite like all that thrashy metal stuff, and I can see that if that's your bag then it really would enhance the film for you. But if you're like me, and listening to metal is like being repeatedly hit in the eye with the corner of a blackboard while someone scrapes their nails down it, you'll appreciate that it really did ruin what could otherwise have been a decent film for me.

With this in mind, is this film any better?
 

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Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
 
Please watch a fluffy romcom, Benway.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
it's set in the dutty south, so don't expect any fucking two step, ringers. It's mostly lazy bluesy music, kind of sentimental, as would be fitting for a road movie.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
also, don't bother with League of Gentlemem.
 

---

Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 
Curse you Benway for writing a review suffciently tempting to induce me to watch what will no doubt be an excerable waste of celluloid.

Also: I have the distinct feeling that an 'Excellence in Leadership module 2: Value Delivery Teams' variation on HOATC will be playing through my head for most of today.

"Wun a yew boahs move mah cheese?"
 

---

Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 
Oh God. In my prep for today's session I've just read the words Heuristic Ideation Technique along with the implication that our group will be using/doing such a thing at some point this morning.

I'm trying to decide which is stronger: the desire to die or the urge to kill.
 

---

Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by ben:
Oh God. In my prep for today's session I've just read the words Heuristic Ideation Technique along with the implication that our group will be using/doing such a thing at some point this morning.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ringo:
Also - General Grievous was a bit rubbish wasn't he?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dr. Benway:
Texas Chainsaw

---

Dear Benway,

I've been an avid reader of your Ask Benway! column for some years now, and I've always enjoyed the sage advice you've offered to couples undergoing difficulties. I'm sure more than a few couples owe their happiness to you!

Recently I attempted a screening of Texas Chainsaw for my girlfriend. About a third of the way through, it became clear that she was really bored. Then at the halfway mark she made me turn it off, saying it was dull and had no tension. 'Just a rubbishy piece of schlock', she said. Do you have any recommendations on how to help her appreciate this film and watch it again, or should I just call it a day on the whole relationship?

Yours,

Confused horror fan
 

---

Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 
Not wanting to get wanky about it, but I don't think you can beat enduring it in the cinema - it gives you the necessary immersion and an element of being trapped with them that you can't ever really have watching at home.

In my experience you can't force these things because the other person ends up getting irritated and you end up feeling resentful that they haven't made the effort to "get" your hobbyhorse.

Best thing is to trick your partner into accompanying you to the pictures to see something similar in terms of grueling content then, when they've 'enjoyed' their punishment, letting her know that there's a whole hidden world of pain and horror out there to which you can act as a guide.
 

---

Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
You are not Benway

Anyway. The subject's responded well to horror in the past. Evil Dead 2, Dawn of the Dead, Nightmare on Elm Street, Braindead and Night of the Living Dead were all greeted with delight. I think she just found Texas Chainsaw genuinely shit.
 

---

Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dr. Benway:
Texas Chainsaw

---

Dear Benway,

I've been an avid reader of your Ask Benway! column for some years now, and I've always enjoyed the sage advice you've offered to couples undergoing difficulties. I'm sure more than a few couples owe their happiness to you!

Recently I attempted a screening of Texas Chainsaw for my girlfriend. About a third of the way through, it became clear that she was really bored. Then at the halfway mark she made me turn it off, saying it was dull and had no tension. 'Just a rubbishy piece of schlock', she said. Do you have any recommendations on how to help her appreciate this film and watch it again, or should I just call it a day on the whole relationship?

Yours,

Confused horror fan

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
I think she just found Texas Chainsaw genuinely shit.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by New Way Of Decay:
It's just that, there's not much to the film really.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by New Way Of Decay:
I've found that films that have been banned for a long time or are considered groundbreaking end up bland because you've seen everything they have going for them in a dozen other films.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by ben:
I'd instance A Clockwork Orange as a great example of a banned film that very much lived up to its legend and is as refreshingly nasty and inventive now as when it first appeared[/QB]

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by H1ppychick:
My (male) friend, on the other hand, thought it was incredibly violent

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dr. Benway:
Fucking Lucas, Spielburg and the cameo prone ginger **** Harry K. have pioneered this idea in cinema that the best you get from a film is to be awe struck to the point where you cease to interact,

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by scrawny:
They're filming some of V for Vendetta ooutside our office at the moment.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
I agree that Spielberg trades in awe - and sometimes succeeds - but I had no idea anyone would ever put his name in the same sentence as 'cool'.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by squeegy:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
I agree that Spielberg trades in awe - and sometimes succeeds - but I had no idea anyone would ever put his name in the same sentence as 'cool'.

---

I think Benway means Spielbergs idea of cool is jaw dropping special effects. No?

---

In that case I think he's a terrible example to juxtapose agains other values of skill and storytelling Benway cites, because Spielberg's talents extend far beyond simply be able to get hold of a big fx budget. I mean, Jaws is a genuinely great combination of storytelling, craftmanship, characterisation and awe.

[ 06.06.2005, 10:59: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]
 

---

Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
maybe not now, but when he first started his trade as a young pup, he built the concept of the summer blockbuster that we still have now - the idea that the 'must-see' film is the one with the biggest bangs. I thought he was cool when I was a kid. Listen to him talk, and everything is 'neat' or 'really cool'.

I'm not totally against effects - 2001, for example, used them well. In fact, by the end of the film you were tired of the effects, they served almost as a character in the film to highlight the monotony and the emptiness. They weren't there to provide thrills.

As much as film is a technical process, it takes more than pure technicality to make a good film. The train rushing towards the audience would have been amazing, just as bullet time was, just as sound was, but if every other film was filled with rushing trains then it wouldn't be quite so good. I acccept that CG is more uselful than, say, 3D, in terms of a support as opposed to a gimmick, but it seems like it's becoming increasingly central. It differs from traditional sfx because there is no sense of wonder - dimensions and speeds etc are meaningless in a virtual space, so the only thing you can be aware of is the tool itself, rather than the results.

Do I make any sense?

[ 06.06.2005, 10:44: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

---

Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 
U-update. We finally got round to watching the second half of Return of the King last night. I'd been dreading it, to be honest, having felt battle fatigue set in early on in the first half. However! It was better than I expected. The bits where big chunks of masonry were being chucked around were good, though the "horrific" moment when the auks catapulted a bunch of severed heads over the walls of Minus Tirath brought to mind nothing so much as Monty Python's Holy Grail.

There was some good horse riding and some perplexing 'War on Terror' parallels to distract the numbed viewer (see: the only human baddies other than Faramir's mad dad and Saruman were - for some reason - arabs; and also Aragorn's Bush-like speech about "we men of the West") though the Frodo-Sam thread was pretty feeble and it does seem a bit of a cop-out to have 'the race of men' saved at the last minute by a bunch of ghosts.

Thinking about the Python resemblences, one wonders what someone like Terry Gilliam would have done with LOTR - probably spent half a trillion dollars and produced an unwatched piece of genius in which Tom Bombadil fought nude with a thousand-foot-tall Saruman.


[ 06.06.2005, 10:40: Message edited by: ben ]
 

---

Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 
****Russ L. Crowe arrested for throwing phone!

quote:

---

"He was upset because he couldn't get a call out to Australia," said Sgt. Michael Wysokowski. "He threw a phone at the employee hitting him in the face and causing a minor laceration."

---

• Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
• War of the Worlds
• Sin City

Edit: Thanks 4 nothing.

[ 13.06.2005, 11:50: Message edited by: MiscellaneousFiles ]
 

---

Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
did anybody watch "Cherry Falls" last night? Shite. I thought that it might have been quite interesting, perhaps an attack on the traditional conservative morality of the slasher..but...cue wig wearing transvestite pyscho killer and "sins of the father" style motivation. And, even though it was billed as 'horror', eagle eyed viewers probably noticed that there was less violence/gore than your average Eastenders omnibus that features an incident at Angie's Den.

However, I also watched the two "must-see" scenes from Irreversible - the fire extinguisher and the rape, and I would aagree with other voices from TMO that the 'fire extinguisher' is one of the most disturbing things that I've seen in a film. It'll haunt me forever, I reckon.

[ 13.06.2005, 12:00: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

---

Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:

• War of the Worlds

---

quote:

---

Three more days to Halloween
Halloween, Halloween
Three more days to Halloween
Sil-ver Shamrock.

---

which has the malign, even satanic power to remain in your head all day long after reading it in a tmo post.

[ 14.06.2005, 03:12: Message edited by: ben ]
 

---

Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
cheers, ben
 

---

Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
 
Actually, I'm amazed no one's marketed it as a ringtone yet. That'd be great.
 

---

Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by ben:
Actually, I'm amazed no one's marketed it as a ringtone yet. That'd be great.

---

quote:

---

Haute Tension made me angry, Dans Ma Peu made me wince.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Vanilla Online Persona:
Who is Keyser Sose?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Vanilla Online Persona:
Who is Keyser Sose?

---

Nono. Kaiser Soda™.

Coming soon to a fashionable minimart near you.


 

---

Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
 
Froopy - something that's been bothering me a while. Your sig says that there are 10 kinds of people who know about binary, then goes on to describe two kinds. Isn't two in binary 11, or is that the joke?

Has StevieX stolen my password?
 

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Posted by statist (Member # 806) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by herbs:
Your sig says that there are 10 kinds of people who know about binary, then goes on to describe two kinds. Isn't two in binary 11, or is that the joke?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by froopyscot:

0110 = 4 + 2 = 6
1101 = 16 + 4 + 1 = 21
0011 = 2 + 1 = 3

I'm going to wager that (a) I'm getting this completely wrong

---

Not completely wrong. 2/3. The second one, 1101 = 8 + 4 + 0 + 1 = 13.

But congratulations H1ppychick -- now you are part of the binary elite. The group that does understand.

There are 10 types of people: those that understand trinary, those that don't, and those that have never heard of it. Or maybe the third type is actually a subtype of the second. Meaning there are only 2 types of people after all. God.

[ 16.06.2005, 02:57: Message edited by: statist ]
 

---

Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
StevieX was wonderful. What happened to him? There was a meat in the North and then he, along with Sidney, seemed to stop posting.
 

---

Posted by Fionnula the Cooler (Member # 453) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Roy:
So, what film are you most looking forward to seeing in 2005?

---

It's a film about storms, whales, tea ceremonies and bathfuls of vaseline. It's set on board a Japanese whaling ship. It's Matthew Barney's new film and it's called Drawing Restraint 9. I say "It's Matthew Barney's new film" like that as though I know who he is, as though I've seen everything he's ever directed, when the truth is I didn't even know he existed until Björk married him. Does anyone know anything about him? Is his new film worth looking forward to? Is it true that his films are sculptures? Is that why you have to go to special cinemas to watch them?

The only other film I am looking forward to seeing this year is Brokeback Mountain. There are rumours, though, very distressing rumours, that the director Ang Lee is going to edit out all the bumming. Which is preposterous. If it's not Jake Gyllenhaal ripping off Heath Ledger's cowboy apparel and bumming him senseless, then what exactly is the entire point of Brokeback Mountain? What other reason could anyone possibly have for going to see this film?
 

---

Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
I can't think of many films that contain good bumming. I haven't seen My Own Private Idaho, but I hear that it's got some action between vacant faced pretty boy Keanu Reeves and vacent faced pretty boy River Pheonix.

I've seen a few films with lesbo stuff though. Wild Side, notably, had quite a bit. Lair of the White Worm had some girl on girl, even though it was Hugh Grant's dirty dream. What other films? Basic Instinct? I think that they just got off though. American Psycho, although that doesn't really count.
 

---

Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
Wilde has a decent bumming scene between Jude Law and Stephen Fry. Can't think of anything else. Maybe irreversible. That's got loads of bumming at the start, and then again about halfway through. Oh and Deliverance. And Pulp Fiction.

[ 16.06.2005, 05:12: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]
 

---

Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
Perhaps Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller could do a good bumming rom-com. Maybe, they play a gay couple who have to look after a baby or something. It could be called "Gay Dad". Ahhh, Gay Dad... whatever happened to them?
 

---

Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
yeah, I thought about deliverance and pulp fiction, but then, it's not really bumming is it? It's more 'rape'. That's kind of what I was thinking - are the two most memorable Hollywood portraits of man on man action both rape scenes? I can't think of any others.

[ 16.06.2005, 05:05: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

---

Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
sex scenes in general seem to be on the wane though. Or if there is sex, it's 'authentic'. No more "Take My Breath Away" style backlit 'sheets blowing in the wind' sex scenes.
 

---

Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
I overdid it on the apostrophes there.
 

---

Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
 
I am looking forward to getting Amenabar's The Sea Inside on DVD within the next few weeks. I've not seen it yet, but I have loved everything so far by Amenabar. It's released on the same day 9 Songs and I'm guessing the British plebian's fascination for a 'ground-breaking' sex scene similar to the ones done before and better in Realm of the Senses, The Dreamers or Sex & Lucia, will mean I won't have to wait in a queue. I'm not saying I don't love British films, they're just so cutting edge.
 

---

Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dr. Benway:
That's kind of what I was thinking - are the two most memorable Hollywood portraits of man on man action both rape scenes? I can't think of any others.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
I think it's to do with the reputation they (used to) have for pushing back the boundaries of cinema. The easiest, most obvious, most creatively bankrupt way of doing this is to make something that's more violent that other things which have also been made.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by SilverGinger5:
Proper(ish) review of Boa Vs Python

---

quote:

---

What happens if River Phoenix is hot? Is fancying dead people acceptable?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
[QUOTE]Maybe you're right though. Maybe Hollywood is acknowleding the simple truth that few men in their right minds would voluntarily let another man jam a cock up their anus.

---

Speaking as a right-minded man (and I've got the certificates to prove it) who lets another man do just that and enjoys it (hey, it's what your prostate's for!), I think it's more that Hollywood is squeamish about anal sex, as it's squeamish about non-airbrushed sex generally.

I suppose that, since it's only been a few decades since homosexuality was a) decriminalised, and b) depathologised, it's not terribly surprising that celluloid depictions of same-sex unions (and particularly brrrrrown lurrrve) remains tentative, implied rather than overt. In the '70s, gay people tended to be asexual campsters played for laughs or leathered-up serial killers, and in the '80s, chaste, AIDS-wracked victims. There are decent films with gay characters that manage to avoid these stereotypes, but they tend to be European (Albaladejo's wonderful Bear Cub had to excise the cocks-and-arse shots for US consumption).

Ultimately, I think the spectre of anal penetration simultaneously fascinates and horrifies, so while Hollywood films are replete with enough arse-related imagery and dialogue to have Freud spinning, anything overt remains taboo.

Doesn't mean nobody sane does it, though. Try it, Thorn; you might like it.
 

---

Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ganesh:
Doesn't mean nobody sane does it, though. Try it, Thorn; you might like it.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
]I dunno - I've had experiences that I reckon must be similar (doing a a really big, dry shit when you haven't had much fibre in your diet) and that wasn't particularly erotic, or pleasant for that matter. Just a sense of relief when it was over, in fact, which I can get by stopping smacking my head into a wall.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
Just a sense of relief when it was over, in fact, which I can get by stopping smacking my head into a wall.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by New Way Of Decay:
Then you almost imply moments that you would be smacking your head enough that there would be a period of not smacking your head into a wall.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
Sorry, what?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
Did you know Ginger is playing an acoustic set at the Barfly tonight, if you're up for it? I mean - he's playing whether you're up for it or not, but I was wondering if you would be. Up for it. There's still ticketz I believe. SG5 is going and I am and Octavia.

---

I want to, do you reckon I could get tickets on the door?
 

---

Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
It says sold out on the site now

I don't know how it'll be for getting tickets off touts, mind. It's a small gig, but these people seem to crop up everywhere. You could give that a go.
 

---

Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
 
I'm putting my sister to work to try and get some comps or guest list places. She'd better not fail me or I'll break her other leg.
 

---

Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
 
You wanna blat me up on mikeeteevee@gmail.com Thorn, ta.
 

---

Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
Did you know Ginger is playing an acoustic set at the Barfly tonight, if you're up for it? I mean - he's playing whether you're up for it or not, but I was wondering if you would be. Up for it. There's still ticketz I believe. SG5 is going and I am and Octavia.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by New Way Of Decay:
You wanna blat me up on mikeeteevee@gmail.com Thorn, ta.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Waynster:
Errm.... seeing I run the buggars webiste, shot his last album etc etc do you want me to try and get you in?

I'm here - use me!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ganesh:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
[QUOTE]Maybe you're right though. Maybe Hollywood is acknowleding the simple truth that few men in their right minds would voluntarily let another man jam a cock up their anus.

---

Speaking as a right-minded man (and I've got the certificates to prove it) who lets another man do just that and enjoys it (hey, it's what your prostate's for!), I think it's more that Hollywood is squeamish about anal sex, as it's squeamish about non-airbrushed sex generally.

I suppose that, since it's only been a few decades since homosexuality was a) decriminalised, and b) depathologised, it's not terribly surprising that celluloid depictions of same-sex unions (and particularly brrrrrown lurrrve) remains tentative, implied rather than overt. In the '70s, gay people tended to be asexual campsters played for laughs or leathered-up serial killers, and in the '80s, chaste, AIDS-wracked victims. There are decent films with gay characters that manage to avoid these stereotypes, but they tend to be European (Albaladejo's wonderful Bear Cub had to excise the cocks-and-arse shots for US consumption).

Ultimately, I think the spectre of anal penetration simultaneously fascinates and horrifies, so while Hollywood films are replete with enough arse-related imagery and dialogue to have Freud spinning, anything overt remains taboo.

Doesn't mean nobody sane does it, though. Try it, Thorn; you might like it.

---

quote:

---

I've had experiences that I reckon must be similar (doing a a really big, dry shit when you haven't had much fibre in your diet)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by ben:
I don't have a problem with gays just so long as they don't try and ram it down my throat.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dr. Benway:
The Descent premieres in a couple of days, and although it's not Horror Film Of The Decade, it looks like it could make some money at the cinema - it depends on how much blood people can cope with in a fantasy setting.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
I went to see The Descent yesterday - I thought it was terrific.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Boy Racer:
I saw The Descent yesterday evening and thoroughly enjoyed it, when I wasn't feeling utterly uncomfortably claustrophobic. I can't remember a horror film that has managed that many proper jump scares.

Have you seen WotW yet Thorn? I thought that was pretty damn good in a viscerally scary sci-fi way, and ignoring the more hideously inevitable implausiblities of the plot.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
I was planning to see this during the week, Orange Wednesday, probably, although I can't imagine it'll look that good compared to The Descent, which everyone should go and see. Am I being clear on this point? WotW does give the impression that it might be fun, though.

---

I suspect you have done them the wrong way round yes Thorn, but WotW is certainly fun. Spielberg gives great sci-fi monster and I'd even suggest that your ex-girlfriend's favourite big-nose is reasonably unrubbish in it.
 

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Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 
Review:War of the Worlds
tripods:aces
cruise:scrotten
verdict:potential=unfulfilled
 

---

Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
I thought War Of The Worlds was pretty good; there were some great moments in there, most notably the scene with the car and the crowd, and some terrific images of the tripods stalking across cityscapes and countryside. The aliens themselves seemed a bit naff, a bit generic, but on the whole I enjoyed myself. Nowhere near as good as The Descent or Batman Begins, though.
 

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Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
 
Yeah, WOTW was a lot less guff than I thought it'd be.

Crooze: good
Tripods: menacing
Fire & Destruction: cataclysmically good fun
Aliens: meh
Blonde chile with bulging scared eyes: shut up, we know you are scared

Not bad, Mr Spielburg, but I'd still like to see a direct translation from the book in olden times, with a genteel English village response to alien invasion.

ETA: aren't trailers shite at the moment? Apart from for Stealth, which looks hilarious, and King Kong which has dinosaurs fighting giant apes.

[ 14.07.2005, 06:31: Message edited by: Vogon Poetess ]
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
Rubber Johnny isn't worth jack - any of Cunningham's music videos are better. But watch out for THE DEVIL'S REJECTS, which is the best most horrid film I've seen this year. It's My Kind Of Movie. I'm surprised that it got a general release as the torture scenes are pretty niche. It's the best damn dutty south tear em up since the Massacre. makes House of 1k Corpses look like the recent big screen outing of The Magic Roundabout.

Great news about The Descent doing so well! A bit of tightening here and there - mostly in the editing and the attention to detail - and his next film is going to blow us away, I reckon. Just as long as it is a bit different to his previous two.

Haven't seen anything else. After reading Easy Riders, Raging Bulls, I'm just about given up on studio films now. I certainly won't be going to see another Spielburg. Not that I ever went to the cinema to see one anyway.

The week I am mostly playing KOTOR II, or at least, I will once my fucking power is turned back on.



[ 27.07.2005, 05:39: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

---

Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
I was displeased but not shocked to see that Kim Newman described The Devil's Rejects as being unbearable. In the same magazine, a Mickey Mouse reviewer gave Shallow Ground a tentative thumbs up, when I was convinced that it was an appalling mess, with about 5 minutes of interesting footage and a pathetic 'plot'.

I continue to believe that really, I know nothing about films, and my opinions are the dogshit on the path towards cinematic enlightenment. Tread carefully; ignore me.

[ 27.07.2005, 09:31: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

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Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
 
rob zombie interview about yon film
 

---

Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
Empire's been losing its way for what seems like a decade or more. It doesn't really have any editorial direction: unable to decide whether it's about no-nonsense criticism, fan-boy raving, cinematic analysis or chummy mate-in-the-pub-style recommendations. Consequently it just flounders around achieving none of those things. Grimly, it also seems to think Aint It Cool News is an exciting and important websites, and repeatedly attributes Hollywood trends and decisions to Harry Knowles and his crew, and - sadly - appears to get most of its news stories from that site, too. It's lazy and pointless for the most part.

There's also that ghastly striving for intellectualism but finding it just out of reach thing that people who want to be intelligent but aren't quite, do. (Mark Kermode does this). For example, I remember reading a feature they did about match cuts, and talked about the beginning of '2001', where the ape throws the bone in the air, and it's matched to the shot of the spaceship. According to to Empire this "Makes all sorts of comments about the the evolution of man and technology". Ok - care to name one? The magazine does this an awful lot, which makes all sorts of comments about the sort of targets it's shooting for, but missing.

The mag's also scared of going against the popular opinion of films. It describes Gone With The Wind as 'monumental enough to be above criticism'. Well, not really. It doesn't take much pluck to honestly assess the qualities of a classic movie. It's this sort of attitude that leads to people just assuming that classics can never be re-assessed, and that's the magazine shirking its role as an observer of the world of film.

Similarly, it won't speak out against blockbusters until they've been widely maligned. They gave Batman and Robin 3 out of 5 when it was first released, and then set about ridiculing it when they realised everyone else was, too. Same with the Star Wars prequels. It's gutless and lousy publication.

Having said that, it has succeeded in building a very recognisable brand, which I suppose is why it still sells despite the shoddy editorial.

[ 27.07.2005, 09:49: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]
 

---

Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
sad thing is, that really people don't want to be challenged, or made to feel anything other than satiated - satisfied. A film that you come out of feeling a hole is like an anti-meal to the XXL burger you get with a blockbuster. The best a film is expected do is meet your requirements. The films that stick with me more are the ones that made me uncomfortable, and even if I'm miserable after, they're the ones that I want to go back to. Not because I enjoy being miserable, but because they've asked me a question that I don't yet have the answer to.

A good example is that PSH one called Love Liza. Really oppressive film that drags you through some horrible shit, but has these moments that seem to mean so much... and they're just shots or lines.

I liked American Splendour because of that, and that's kind of similar to Love Liza with the 'study of a man in shit' vibe. I also have a friend who looks like the dude who played Harvey Pekar, and I once spent an evening entertaining us both by aping his gravelly voice. Oh, it was hilarious.

I haven't picked up Empire for ages. I bought Sigh and Sound today, and the reviews are so dull, so full of cross referencing and historical information that the passion for cinema, for the love of story and character and those bits that make you feel strange in your chest, seems to be totally lost in the words. I get the impression that they could write with more spark, but they've decided to keep it all very serious.

[ 27.07.2005, 09:58: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
thorn, look out for a new publication - 'Killing Time' - London's premier independent genre magazine.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
Part of the problem for modern publications staffed by young uns is that we missed the sixties and seventies. Many of the so called counter culture films are now simply classics, part of history, rack em up on your shelf and get a travis bickle haircut. Cinema isn't exciting, so the mags have got nothing to write about. Nobody is throwing the rulebook out the window, nobody is saying fuck you to the dudes who've been making this summer's must see for the last twenty years. What is there to write about? Blah blah blah render farm cutting edge blah blah stylised blah kinetic blah blah box office smash.

Movie communities are maybe like music communities now - splintered into genre and specialised information channels. What we get in the cinemas is the top 40. You can only interview the same old bastards or fit young airheads over and over again, and if you aren't going to challenge them, then nothing's going to change. Films are more PR than they are films. Fuck em. I hate films.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
next week: the obvious, and new developments in stating technology.
 

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Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
 
So was the Kim Newman review of Rejects in S&S Benway?

I'm not certain I agree that there aren't still great and exciting films being made, but perhaps I just have more serotonin than you Benway.
My favourites of last year - Oldboy and The Incredibles - are both vastly different in terms of source, intended audience, and content, but are still both rigourously intelligent and virtuouso entertainments. For me there are still sufficient talented artists working both in and out of mainstream cinema to keep me consistently excited about film.
It's all very well lamenting the past, what about looking to the future.

And while we're on that subject, and having no desire to blow smoke up your arses, but I have less than no idea why - if indeed you aren't - Thorn and Benway aren't writing reviews of movies, not the say screenplays for them, in some more professional capacity than on here.

[ 29.07.2005, 04:17: Message edited by: Boy Racer ]
 

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Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
I did actually write a screenplay a few years back, about a bunch of kids following a band around the country. Parts of it were OK, but I was young and had no idea how to get people to look at it. It was saved in the crappy old typewriter format I used to have, so it's pretty much lost forever now.

I'm also trying to crack on with that idea I stole off Dang, but that's a pretty light hearted project as it's not really the kind of film anyone would even touch, at least until Gollum quality CGI comes down in price to about £1 a minute.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 
I found the incredibles to be dull, depressingly sparse, and an odd 50s throwback to the value of the nuclear family. The Devil's Rejects was a much better look at how the modern family unit responds to the pressures of modern life. They're the real superheroes.. Surely the insular environment generated by huge differences between the family unit and society at large would spawn a twisted shared morality. Perhaps if you view the incredibles as a bunch of vigilante freaks, then it works, if not, then it sucks ass.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 


look out folks! for your copy, be at leicester square during the frightfest weekender.
 

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Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
 

 

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Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
 
today i saw two movies at the cinema. first up was land of teh dead which was quite good and made me jump. the social commentary was all over the place - would somebody like to explain please? - and the zombies learning skillz was half laughable. but having a zombie in a butcher's apron was funny, and i like asia argentino, and that hispanic guy, and christopher walken wasn't too shit.

next up was the island which started off interesting, but quickly became ott chase movie bollocks. i love blockbuster type movies, but this was trying to be thought provoking and then just got very loud. it was too long also and the stuff about ewan mcgregor's residual memory or something made no sense. btw the calvin klein ads in the movie with scarlett johannsen's character in, or rather her 'owner', those are real life ads with real life scarlett johannsen in aren't they? nice touch! oh, and there was a lot of unsubtle product placement, which annoyed a bit.


the best trailer was for the skeleton key. it's a horror starring kate hudson. she was quite okay in that 70s rock boy journo film and i actually really like the spectacularly misanthropic how to lose a guy in ten days. anyway, the trailor scared the shit out of me, though that was in part the air-con being set to minus 50.
 

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