I have not contributed much of late. This has been for both general laziness, and work approaching almost Fifichan-esque levels. Anyway, I am taking this opportunity to stop in, to say I love you all (especially Darryn) and to say OH MY FUCKIN GOD DID ANYONE CHANCE UPON THE ABSOLUTELY HIDEOUS BRAIN-FUCKING SHIT-FEST THAT WAS CELEBRITY X-FACTOR LAST NIGHT?
Picture the scene. Badny and Scrawny, back in from a day skipping about in Richmond park communing with nature and laughing at other people's dogs/children/disabilities. We settle down on the sofa. We watch an hour of Friends or so, passing time before the extra long extended version of big brother (great dress, Davina! You make me want to suffocate myself with a hamster, 'Nikki'!) We watch big brother. Big brother ends, and, wakened by a day's fresh air and healthsome pursuits, decide it's not time for bed yet, pour another glass of wine and flick the channels to be confronted with the image of DOCTOR GILLIAN MCFUCKINGKEITH SINGING 'I JUST WANNA MAKE LOVE TO YOU' WITH HER TITS HANGING OUT. HER TITS. GILLIAN MCKEITH. IN MY FLAT. SINGING 'SEXILY'. Not since the fucking word has anything I've seen on my TV screen made me baulk so instinctivley. Scramble to the bathroom as my body tries to force the entire contents of my stomach out through my nose as a more pleasant alternative to the horror of Dr. Gillian's tits.
*Haaarooola*
*gip, gip*
*Haaarooola*
Then Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee sang 'Let me entertain you'. I mean. No words.
Because there are no words, I'm going to try and throw this topic open a little bit wider in the hope that nobody will be tempted to dwell on McKeith's norks. DWELLING ON MCKEITH'S NORKS.
*scramble*
*hip--yuuuuuurgh*
So. TMO. What's the worst thing you've ever seen appear on that box in the corner of your living room? It can be as serious (Dr. Gillian's tits - CODE RED, CODE RED) or as light-hearted in comparison (I don't know - the 'occupation' of Iraq? Tianeman square? 9/11?) as you like.
Morning all!
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
Oh God, are you telling me that was actually real? I thought I'd just had a particularly horrific nightmare. I remember screaming, then a sensation of falling and I must've passed out.
I just wanna make... love to you
The horror. The horror.
Posted by My Name Is Joe (Member # 530) on :
It wasn't on TV, but this weekend I also experienced a first hand vision of hell. A little background first. I'm getting married next year, and my fiance knows a dress maker who is to make the wedding dress, saving us lots and lots of ££££.
There was a non-monetary price, however. This dressmaker held a fashion show at the weekend, and we were obliged to attend. Not so bad, I hear you think. But this fashion show was held in Ardglass, the deepest bog of Ireland, in a golf club of all places.
The show itself wasn't to bad, but in between categories (formal, wedding and so on) there was 'entertainment' - a troop of line dancing children.
Every 15 minutes these 'dance kids' would take to stage and strut their stuff. They couldn't even do it well, and while at the start it was vaguely cute by their 4th appearance I was ready to slash my own eyes with a broken pint glass.
Truly horrible, and made worse by the baying crowds of parents who clearly believed their spawn were the most talented creatures ever born.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Why would anyone willingly subject themselves to this mind numbing shite? I'd rather spend an evening repeatedly hitting my head agaist the wall than watch these talentless, overpaid ***** wailing away on my telly. If they want to do something for charity, just donate some money, it's not hard and it means we don't have to put up with this bollocks on our telly for weeks, not to mention seeing it pimped out shamelessly in every single advert break.
I don't want anything to do with anyone who willingly watches this. They should be ashamed of themselves.
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
I'm sorry, you misunderstand me. I subjected myself to this for the following length of time:
*flick channels*
*Dr. Gillian appears*
*scramble to bathroom, hurl*
*recover composure*
*return to living room*
*Paul and Debbie enter stage right*
*return to bathroom*
*etc*
Besides, that wasn't the question. I said, 'What's the worst thing you've ever seen on TV?'
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
To be honest, I don't really watch TV. If a show came on that I thought was really that bad, I'd just change the channel. If nothing else was on, I'd just do something else. So I've been pretty well protected against truly awful television.
Probably the most horifically compulsive bit of TV I've watched was last year's BB, when Kinga stuck a wine bottle up her foo.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
E4's silent Big Brother live footage, due to Tourettes. I left it on for about an hour while I was using the computer the other day and heard nothing but an occasional birdsong. I think the entire channel (and its +1 version, natch) are devoted to this programme during the day. Who watches it?
It would actually be quite calming if you turned the TV off and listened to ambient sounds of nature through your hifi, but even this is interrupted with that irritating theme music and louder-than-life adverts for ringtones and logos.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
I was ambushed by that naked gameshow Keith Chegwin did a few years ago. Actually that was ages ago, and I still see it when I close my eyes (not in a good way).
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by dang65:
Where does she get her doughnuts from?
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
when i'm old i'm totally gonna get the GHEYDS
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by vikram: when i'm old i'm totally gonna get the GHEYDS
Way cooler than "natural causes"...
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Gotta love Chick. Have you seen his 'black tracts'? Presumably because blacks can't understand the idea of damnation if they read comic about a white person.
I think Jack Chick has quite a few black supporters actually, and I'm sure one of his collaborators is black. Let me check...
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
I don't think Jack is a racist or even homophobic in the hateful sense - he's just fucking nuts.
Actually, I'd be quite interested to hear his views on capital punishment. He may well be against it, except as punishment for Catholicism.
[ 30.05.2006, 14:19: Message edited by: vikram ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I didn't say he was a racist but you'd have to be pretty warped to not dislike gay people but write hateful things, No? and yet spread hate mongering . I was just suprised there needed to be seperate black tracts. I suppose Chick sells tracts to scottish people and draws all the people with sporrans and kilts, being hurled into the abyss alongside a plate of tatties and neeps.
Is it me, or in that tract above, does it suggest the devils in Sodom came to force bum the angels. It does. It fucking does. Edit: Gumph!
[ 30.05.2006, 17:09: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
Totally unrelated, but this has got to be the best Wikibiogever.
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
