It's a sunny day, I'm off to the tate - I'm in the process of writing a book, something that I haven't done for ages and really enjoy, however, I also have that damned blag dog of depression hovering in the corner, scratching at the door, wanting to go out for a walk - give me some (non-replacing my pant draw) advice on how to rub that little shits nose in the mess that it's bound to make! Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
What's the book about?
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Print this out and read it while you're standing in the presence of Boccioni's masterpiece.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
It's about three different groups - one a spy who has been asigned to a little known or cared about african province, and he spends most of his time there writing short stories, another is the leader of a small south american country who discovers oil, and uses the money to buy back and replant rain forests - much to the chargrin of US, who are attempting to destabalise him - the left suspicious of his intentions, the right wanting to get their hands on the oil so are planning a coup - and the third group are part of a US army think tank who are planning a way of using alternate fuels to make the US less reliable on the middle east, while at the same time come up with a plan that will allow them to use extreme force out there (ie hydrogen them up). All three groups get mixed up somehow.
It's a comedy.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
That sounds like an awfully complicated novel. I'm currently writing a book about a guy who cures his depression by hanging out with hot sluts, and drinking. Maybe you should try that.
[ 05.02.2007, 07:12: Message edited by: Nathan Bleak ]
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: I'm currently writing a book
Oh, really? Neither am I.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
Jesus Christ. That joke's like, what? 100 years old? And it was a writer who said it, which makes it even more redundant.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
ha ha - I drank white wine for the first time (not counting fizzy stuff like prosecco and champagne) since I'd necked thunderbirds at 1.99 back in the early 90's at the weekend - it was okay, so a drank a bottle and hung out with the wife - she's not a slut, but she is hot - so I was kind of almost there. Then I woke up and realised that the last clue on the crossword was answered with drug, and so completed it - a pretty good weekend all in.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
as anyone else written a book at all? This is the third one that I've started (I did complete the other two, for the record - a youthful sci fi romp and a pretty bad thriller about a man who finds a list of people being killed, and sees his name on it!!! the excitement!!!!) - I love doing it, to no real end really, but perhaps should actually go back and start rewriting and tidying them up once I've done them?
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
The slut part is pretty important. Hot girls who aren't sluts are more depressing, not less. Although I suppose it would be pretty depressing if your wife was a slut. Hmm. I'm starting to think this issue is more complicated than I thought. I wonder if I've trivialised depression a bit, with that plot?
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
I tried writing a book once. I had this idea that the story should be told in real time- so the amount of time spent reading each chapter or section would be exactly the same amount of time that would have elapsed in the story. I wrote 15, maybe 20 pages of it but never got around to continuing. I'm sure it's been in the same box since I put it aside in 1991 (or was it 1992?). Perhaps if I were to find it I should post it here so everyone could make fun of it, because I'm sure it's 90% crap.
ETA: It may not have been such crap if I had included more hott sluts. As I recall the main character drank lots of coffee and chain smoked, but there wasn't really any sex involved, which at the time was roughly autobiographical.
[ 05.02.2007, 11:01: Message edited by: froopyscot ]
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
edit, not reply. duh
[ 05.02.2007, 11:02: Message edited by: froopyscot ]
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by Benny the Ball: perhaps should actually go back and start rewriting and tidying them up once I've done them?
If you want them to be published then that's exactly what you should do, but it won't help with the depression, believe me.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I stopped writing and that didn't help my depression, either. Mind you, I doubt much would. Sorting my life out might help, I suppose, but that seems a bit too difficult too attempt at quarter past five on a Monday.
Tonight, though I'm going to go home and read comics and eat trifle. There's nothing very depressing about that. Perhaps you could try comics and trifle, Benny? Though I only recommend trifle that's been made by my Mum.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
I gave all my comics to my nephews at christmas - all I have is a book about genocide in Rwanda, perhaps that'll cheer me up....
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
lol.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
I just had a mental image of Samuelnorton reading a book about Rwandan genocide in a bid to cheer himself up. Rocking backwards and forwards laughing "Take that fuzzy-wuzzies!" I don't know why he'd be depressed. Maybe after reading The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich and crying like a kid that's just seen Bambi for the first time.
'Interesting' Rwanda 'fact', pop punk band Rancid do a song called Rwanda, where they urge the troubled country to "be strong, like a lion". When I hear it I imagine the people of Rwanda giving the band a thumbs up and saying "Thanks Rancid!" and then getting back to - I dunno. Making clay pots or whatever they do for hobbies out there.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I think you might need an awful lot of trifle to counteract the effect of a book about the genocide in Rwanda. A Mr Creosote level of trifle. Which would be depressing in its own way.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Rancid should organize a charity trifle drop over Rwanda.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I don't think my mum can make that much trifle, though.
Posted by missgolightly (Member # 34) on :
My mum would probably be up for helping, Louche.
Can anyone else's mum help Rancid/tmo's Rwanda Trifle appeal?
lol.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
My mum would help, but she can't make trifle to my knowledge. She'd be happy to pitch in with some galumpkis.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
would she put mince meat in a triffle ralph? (I'm going to stop with the friend's references now)
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Ah. Like Rachel did. Cause she's a stupid American. Ha ha. Well done.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
thanks - I've been watching a lot of television recently Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
hey ralph, are you still angry and taking everything as a slur against the US?
what can turn your frown upside down?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Benny the Ball: hey ralph, are you still angry and taking everything as a slur against the US?
No.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
good
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
quote:Originally posted by Benny the Ball: good
So what do you mean by that? Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: My mum would help, but she can't make trifle to my knowledge. She'd be happy to pitch in with some galumpkis.
What use would galumpkis be? Fucking hell ralph. Your attitude is patronising towards the people of Rwanda.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
it's just the kind of laise fiare attitude one comes to expect from the west when it comes to Rwanda - I expect this from Kofi Anan, but not you, ralph Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
My mother-in-law could provide a sort of stodgy boiled fruit pudding thing if the UN wants to give her a call. In fact, I'm pretty sure she'd be happy to pop across to Rwanda herself to tell them how it's made. The explanation only takes about an hour, and she's always happy to repeat it... over and over and over again every single time you fucking see her.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
Well done dang. That's the spirit. Ralph, you could learn a lot from dang's example.
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
Does it have to be a dessert ?
Maybe Rwanda feels like a starter sometimes...
Like a nice prawn cocktail or some paté..
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
quote:Originally posted by Darryn.R: Like a nice prawn cocktail or some paté..
I don't think I've ever had a nice prawn cocktail...
What's the secret to a nice prawn cocktail?
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by squeegy: What's the secret to a nice prawn cocktail?
The bread should be pre-sliced brown, 'buttered' with Flora and cut into triangles. More importantly, the pink sauce should be made from 50% Heinz Tomato Ketchup and 50% Heinz Salad Cream.
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
But the slimy little shrimp. Thats the issue. When you could be having tiger prawns grilled with butter/garlic. Or something.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
You wouldn't understand. Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I could fucking murder a prawn cocktail right now. Poor prawn cocktails, though. Universally derided foodstuff.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Bloody love 'em, I do. Secret's a spot of tabasco in the sauce, and good quality prawns.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
I just visited the spiritual (online) home of the Prawn Cocktail - *Beefeater restaurants*. Goodness, isn't this just asking for a B3ta-style parody?
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
I always loved prawn cocktails, too. This is the second time recently Louche has used 'universally derided' to mean 'widely adored'. Sometimes I think she needs to have more faith in her judgement; it's always "Oh oh, I know I'm not meant to be having this opinion I know it's wrong but... I did like this thing." Needs confidence. Poor girl.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
yesterday i watched a film about rwanda - shooting dogs - which was a bit emo, but me and a whole bunch of mates (not benway or andy though!) went to a comedy club which was bellyache funny though frank skinner was shit which was to be expected. then i got trashed with a hot posh chick and spent a stupid amount of money on yummy schezuan food and sake and taxi. today i feel: fragile but quite happy.
what are other good films about genocide and human rights fuck ups? - hotel rwanda (a bit hollywood, but very effective) - the killing fields (great, but the music at the end is so over the top) - shooting dogs - schindler's list
ummm
[ 06.02.2007, 07:30: Message edited by: vikram ]
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
But what do you think of Prawn Cocktails, vikram? Tell us about the best one you've ever eaten.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
i don't think i've ever had that. sounds yuck
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by vikram: what are other good films about genocide and human rights fuck ups? - hotel rwanda (a bit hollywood, but very effective) - the killing fields (great, but the music at the end is so over the top) - shooting dogs - schindler's list
ummm
Dr Strangelove? Starship Troopers?
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
i mean more about / based on actual events
- year of living dangerously - turtles can fly Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Midnight Express? The Constant Gardener?
Prawn CockTale: My dad was a bit of a Prawn Cocktail fan and made them for us as kids. There was no scrimping on grub for us of course. See, child obesity is bollocks. We ate loads of food as kids and we weren't fat bastards. or randy. Unless you mean randy for bicycles and balloons. Anyway, he use to mix up the fauxsand island dressing with the mayo and the ketchup and line the bowls with iceburg lettuce. There were only three glass bowls that he use to use only for the cocktails. Maybe there were four and he smashed one when his wife left? No matter, it's made me do a nice warm gay feeling inside. Thanks Prwandan Cocktails!
[ 06.02.2007, 07:39: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
yeah constant gardener is a good one. i suppose lord of war too. and blood diamond. and last kind of scotland. okay right, so i don't mean genocide and human rights then. but you know what kind of movies i mean
films that document / portray widespread human right abuses, coups, civil war, etc
welcome to sarajevo west beirut
[ 06.02.2007, 07:38: Message edited by: vikram ]
Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
I like nice prawn cocktail. My Mum made proper nice prawn cocktails as appetisers for Christmas dinner this year, the sauce had lemon zest in it and was gorgeous.
Re Vikram's film question (at the risk of boring/ patronising him): Graveyard of the Fireflies, the seriously heartbreaking Studio Ghibli Anime about Japanese children in bombed out Japan at the end of WWII.
[ 06.02.2007, 07:40: Message edited by: Boy Racer ]
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: I always loved prawn cocktails, too. This is the second time recently Louche has used 'universally derided' to mean 'widely adored'. Sometimes I think she needs to have more faith in her judgement; it's always "Oh oh, I know I'm not meant to be having this opinion I know it's wrong but... I did like this thing." Needs confidence. Poor girl.
There's a thread in there somewhere - or just another off-topic ramble anyway. What thing that you like do you think that no one else likes when in fact everyone does likes it? And what things do you like which you think that everyone else likes until you read a magazine article or a post by Ben which makes you realise that it's actually the height of embarassing naff?
For the second one I could put very short haircuts. I had one a couple of weeks ago after giving up on ever growing any more hair and I thought it was really nice, all things considered, but then Ben wrote (about buying a bass guitar):
quote:Originally posted by ben: As symptoms of mid-life crisis go, this has to rank alongside A Cool New Shaven Hair Style and Jettisoning Your Family For a Giggling Blonde.
Ow.
Also, when you do a search on this site, why does it say:
quote:Please wait... we are processing your search request... We just searched forum Media Junkies (# 5).
So far, we have found 2 matches.
Who is "we"? Is there a different robot searching each forum and then they get together and pool their results? I think it should say "I", and have a picture. Maybe of a talking paperclip. I'd feel a lot more comfortable with that than the thought of several robots all rifling through what I've written and going *beep* Idiotic human. Tut. *beep*
Mind you, some of the forums take a long while to search so maybe that robot gets distracted and has a bit of a read through the rest of the thread and chuckles metalically to itself before guiltily resetting its circuits and carrying on.
[ 06.02.2007, 07:42: Message edited by: dang65 ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I like ben's use of 'jettison' there. I imagine an evil shaven-headed dad watching his family expand and blow to chunks as he fires them from the cargo bay of his love-spaceship. Laughing wildy and kissing a buxom chick in a silver bikini. Then probably playing a RHCPs riff with a Lightaxe.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: an evil shaven-headed dad watching his family expand and blow to chunks as he fires them from the cargo bay of his love-spaceship. Laughing wildy and kissing a buxom chick in a silver bikini. Then probably playing a RHCPs riff with a Lightaxe.
I can't believe this lifestyle choice is being presented as a bad thing. Ben needs to re-examine his attitudes towards 'fun' and 'indulgence' before the only things he condones are sighing, shopping at Marks and Spencer, and putting on weight.
edit: rexamine sounds like a brand name for piles cream.
[ 06.02.2007, 07:53: Message edited by: Nathan Bleak ]
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I watched King Kong again last night. I love that film. I really do. I think I'm a giant ape trapped in a woman's body. Or something.
Vikram - No Man's Land Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by vikram: films that document / portray widespread human right abuses, coups, civil war, etc
Could add:
Come And See - Russian war flim about partisans in WWII, taken from child's point of view. Terrifying.
The Battle Of Algiers - No holds barred, no questions asked, fly-on-the-wall style filming, pure classic.
The Death Of Yugoslavia - Like The Battle Of Algiers, but actually happening and being filmed and precisely explained as it actually happens. Possibly the most chilling film ever made, until they decide to do the same job on Iraq.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
vikram I was freaking dying last night! I've got full blown AIDS! No, I mean, I've got full blown FLU! Haven't had it since university. Spent last night in a shivering, sweating inferno, presuming that I was dying of some kind of brain bug and drifting in and out of fever dreams.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
you seriously missed out dude, it was awesome. though i guess if you were dying then you're forgiven. you saved a fortune in booze so be happy!
thanks all for film suggestions. i'll sign up for a free trial on lovefilm or whatever and get them fillums
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Watch King Kong as well! In the middle of all that human rights and civil war stuff you might need to take an afternoon off to watch a giant ape fighting a dinosaur.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
i've had it on the sky+ recorder thing for ages, but haven't got around to watching it. also: broken flowers, a history of violence, tie me up! tie me down! and pusher. but first i shall watch project catwalk, america's next top model, charlie brooker's screenwipe and nip/tuck
my god i am bored. and now you are too
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
My mum make middle class prawn cocktail which has malt whiskey, and home made mayonaise in it. I imagine it has something more middle class than ketchup, but I cant remember what.
Im well hungry now. I wish I had something better then carrot soup for lunch Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
broken flowers is alright. Good hangover film.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
are you better now benway?
do you have teh bird flu?
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
not really. Still feel pretty bad. But these courses aren't going to develop themselves, so I had to come in to work.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
cool, you'll infect everyone and they will die and without PwC UK's auditing and consulting services the country will collapse and it will be all your fault benway
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
a history of violence is excellent
tie me up! tie me down is good too but I always have a bit of a problem with Victoria Abril, for some reason. It does have a young and studly Banderas, though.
ANTM is good so far this season, vikkers, and Nip/Tuck wasn't bad last night, either.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
yeah i'm really enjoying antm. the season opener of nip/tuck was AMAZING. project catwalk (the brit one) is a bit... why the hell is kelly osborne on there?
eta: decided on the devil wears prada
[ 06.02.2007, 10:00: Message edited by: vikram ]
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by vikram: project catwalk (the brit one) is a bit... why the hell is kelly osborne on there?
I saw Kelly Osbourne's Turning Japanese on one of the ITV channels (ew) the other day. It was like the programme makers had reached directly into my mind, grabbed a handful of dirty nonsense and formed it into a television programme.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
the devil wear prada was really quite shit, though i did enjoy the anna wintour character.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
We've really gone all out to help Benny and his black dog, haven't we? We should look upon ourselves, us TMO remnants, and be proud.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
The book has gone from making you hate French, despise Belgiun, think usless fools at the UN to absolutely fucking spit blood at the US government - and I still have about a 100 pages to go - I hope it has a happy ending....
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
I'm all confused by the whole prawn cocktail thing. It would appear that it's just taking shrimp, tossing them in a mayonnaise-based sauce of some kind, and serving over lettuce. It's like the ingredients in a lobster roll, except not using lobster obviously, and missing the critical detail of the bread to contain all the vaguely greasy seafood bits.
I'm more familiar with shrimp cocktail (shrimp cooked and chilled, served with cocktail sauce, preferably one with lots of horseradish), which is good occasionally.
Here, have some photo goodness.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
That's why I think it is so loved, because of the simplicity. However, I completely forgot to mention this rather exciting bit of information. My girlfirend doesn't like prawns. When I mean, doesn't like... I mean is actually frightened of. She has a mild fear of crustaceans.
Posted by Samuelnorton (Member # 48) on :
quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: I just had a mental image of Samuelnorton reading a book about Rwandan genocide in a bid to cheer himself up. Rocking backwards and forwards laughing "Take that fuzzy-wuzzies!" I don't know why he'd be depressed. Maybe after reading The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich and crying like a kid that's just seen Bambi for the first time.
lol. Personally I find the term 'fuzzy-wuzzies' a little childish, and Shirer's work is a little out of date now. Come on man, keep up!
I was reading Ian Smith's Bitter Harvest the other week - an excellent and enlightening read.
Posted by Samuelnorton (Member # 48) on :
quote:Originally posted by dang65: Come And See - Russian war flim about partisans in WWII, taken from child's point of view. Terrifying.
Idi i smotri is a must-see among modern war films, and leaves the Hollywood guff trailing in its wake. Unlike the latter, Elem Klimov's very honest and uncompromising work cannot be described in a short paragraph; it is a war movie, yes - but is distinctly surreal in places. Everyone I have spoken to who has seen the film always remembers the loris.
Some trivia: live ammo was used in the filming, and the film was actually restricted for a time in the USSR on account of the SS officer at the end remaining calm and dignified in presenting his case despite knowing that he was going to die.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
So many loose ends. Did Benny the Ball evercure his depression? Such a shame network execs cancelled TMO before the story was wrapped up.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
Yeah, Fox are rubbish aren't they.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
[ 13.08.2009, 04:15: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: Yeah, Fox are rubbish aren't they.
It was great while it lasted. They just had no idea what to do with it.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
I have no idea what that is apart from I don't have access to it.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Try it now. Or don't. It was a terribly self-indulgent link to put up.
[ 28.07.2009, 05:08: Message edited by: Thorn Davis ]
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
That worked better. It's a bit too soon for me to comment on it just yet as I haven't finished it. Give me some time....
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Is that...your novel?
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
It's bits of the second one, yeah. It was just reading about it in the opening posts of the thread, and I thought I'd... you know... Chuck it up there. It's very raw at the moment, and only the first 40,000 words. There's a lot of placeholder stuff that's just there to stick the story together, and I haven't gone through it to take out the pointless digressions yet.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
I'm going to read it. I hope it features baby head crushers.
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
I like what I read so far - I'm downloading for my netbook so I can finish it off on the train
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I'm gonna put this on my phone too to read on a journey later.
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
I'm going to run this through a text to speech program and convert it to mp3 and listen to it being read to me by a robot.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Lol
ETA: @SG5, not at Thorn's boke. I haven't read it yet. I'm still screen testing actors to perform it to me in mime.
[ 30.07.2009, 03:37: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
You're not going to fully appreciate it unless you read it as it was intended to be read: as text projected onto the surface of the moon, with illustrations on either side performed by co-ordinated fireworks, the entire thing read out in Morgan Freeman's 'wise old man' voice, while on the other side of the planet the Sun goes supernova. Alot of the drama won't work outside of this context. It's an 'event' novel.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
Where's the bit about the quiet dog gone?
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
The what about the what?
Posted by Cherry In Hove (Member # 49) on :
Actually yeah, the quiet dog bit was my favourite too. They tried everything to stop the dog being quiet. That was hilarious, but I suppose it was probably a bit too racist to make it to the final cut.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Nothing's too racist to make the final cut.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
I don't understand why you took that whole bit about Jeff Wrangler and the dog he'd 'trained up' to react to certain races out of it. Seemed like a real USP to me.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
You're thinking of the widely maligned Sam Fuller film from 1982, White Dog.
Posted by McDirts (Member # 6680) on :
You didn't write that?
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
No.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
I don't suppose anybody had any thoughts on this? I was vaguely considering abandoning it for something else.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
The link's gone!
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
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