This is topic GUESS WHAT DUDES (Male-only version) in forum Sex and Relationships at TMO Talk.


To visit this topic, use this URL:
http://www.themoononline.com/cgi-bin/Forum/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=7;t=000189

Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
So...London is going to have a baby. What do y'all think about that?

[ 16.01.2008, 10:23: Message edited by: ralph ]
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
Aren't vaginers amazing?

They sure are Ant'ny...they sure are.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Damon's Off:
I knew I could manage it eventually. Did you do "massage", Ralph? Go on, you can tell us.

Some, yes. During the later stages of pregnancy when she could no longer manage.
 
Posted by Damon's Off (Member # 3) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
quote:
Originally posted by Damon's Off:
I knew I could manage it eventually. Did you do "massage", Ralph? Go on, you can tell us.

Some, yes. During the later stages of pregnancy when she could no longer manage.
I ain't reading this thread, it's for boys. But good for you. I'm impressed.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
Good for my wife, mostly.

Go back to your girly thread right now!
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Damon's Off:
quote:
Originally posted by herbs:
Surely 'massage' and 'fisting' amount to the same thing. In this instance.

You bet your butt they do. Dirty Ralph.
They most certainly do NOT mean the same thing!

quote:

-Scrub your hands and trim your thumb nails. Sit in a warm comfortable area, spreading your legs apart in a semi-sitting birthing position. To become familiar with your perineal area use a mirror for the first few massages (a floor-to-ceiling mirror works best). Use massage oil, such as pure vegetable oil, or a water-soluble lubricant, such as K-Y Jelly (not a petroleum-based oil) on your fingers and thumbs and around your perineum.
-Insert your thumbs as deeply as you can inside your vagina and spread your legs. Press the perineal area down toward the rectum and toward the sides. Gently continue to stretch this opening until you feel a slight burn or tingling.
-Hold this stretch until the tingling subsides and gently massage the lower part of the vaginal canal back and forth.
-While massaging, hook your thumbs onto the sides of the vaginal canal and gently pull these tissues forward, as your baby's head will do during delivery.
-Finally, massage the tissues between the thumb and forefinger back and forth for about a minute.
-Being too vigorous could cause bruising or swelling in these sensitive tissues. During the massage avoid pressure on the urethra as this could induce irritation or infection.
-As you become adept with this procedure, add Kegel exercises to your routine to help you get the feel for your pelvic muscles. Do this ritual daily beginning around week 34 of pregnancy.
-Many midwives and obstetricians believe that perineal massage is neither useful nor necessary as long as the mother's perineum is supported during crowning, her pushing is properly timed, and the baby's head and shoulders are eased out. Discuss the value of perineal massage with your birth attendant.


 
Posted by Damon's Off (Member # 3) on :
 
I'm only messing with you, Ralph. You're a truly good man to do that sort of thing. Max Payne wouldn't, and neither would Jeff.

fucks off back to girlie thread
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
I truly am a good man.
 
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 
There is no way my lame boyfriend / babyfather would do that for me. Is it ok to dump him and get a new one in time for the birth, do you reckon?
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
He sounds like a real loser. Not only did I do that, but I was on the receiving end for each of my sons arrivals. I had two clean catches and one near-miss. [Frown]
 
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 
Aw, he's not a loser at all. I don't know if I would even want him to do that. I'm going to hire a doula I think. I bet she'll do it for me.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
Yeah, that's what doulas do.
 
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 
I bet it doesn't feel very nice. [Frown]
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
My wife didn't mind. She figured it was a helluva lot less painful than splitting in half...
 
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
 
Maybe you could get your waxer to do it, for a small tip. While she's down there, like. If you do such non-feminist shizzle as waxing.
 
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 
I never did before but there's a first time for everything, right? And maybe it would help me prepare for the pain... in fact, maybe I'll just hit myself in the area right now.
 
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
 
I don't think a doula would be your best bet for the massage - it would be pretty pricey to have her visit every night for your daily rub and stretch.

Maybe a very good girl friend?

and I can't imagine any guy would really have a problem doing that. I know mine would be plenty happy to spend some quality time below.
 
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by rooster:
I don't think a doula would be your best bet for the massage - it would be pretty pricey to have her visit every night for your daily rub and stretch.

Probably true, but don't forget to check out the cost-saving generic alternatives available through resources such as craigslist. Look for ads in the services section under headlines such as me rub you long time.
 
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 
Lol. It's ok, I spoke to the babyfather and he says he'll totes do the massage.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
I take back what I said about him then.

I thought he lived in London and you don't?? [Confused]
 
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 
Yeah but he's moving over here in a bit.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
Cool. I was concerned about you. Who would run out to the store at 3am to get you whatever it was you were craving?
 
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 
Ah, it's cool. He's one protective motherfucker.

Do you start craving stuff again later then? In the beginning I was obsessed with oranges and orange juice but now it's pretty normal.

Actually right now I could just murder a huge glass of wine and a Marlboro Light. It's a good thing I'm in the world's most boring country.

[ 16.01.2008, 13:54: Message edited by: London ]
 
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
 
Cravings come and go throughout the pregnancy, at least in my experience. Last night I bought every item of fresh fruit in the grocery store and had a dinner of fruit and cherry vanilla ice cream, which I guess could be normal.
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by London:
Actually right now I could just murder a huge glass of wine and a Marlboro Light. It's a good thing I'm in the world's most boring country.

I promise to smoke twice as much while you're pregnant. Who here will step up to the plate and drink Londons' wine for the duration?
 
Posted by sabian (Member # 6) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ralph:
Who here will step up to the plate and drink Londons' wine for the duration?

 -

[ 16.01.2008, 14:12: Message edited by: sabian ]
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
 -
 
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
 
sorry. it was a lot funnier in my head on the drive in this morning...
 
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by London:
Actually right now I could just murder a huge glass of wine and a Marlboro Light. It's a good thing I'm in the world's most boring country.

I thought the whole cravings thing was based around what your body is lacking and needs more of. So if you're craving a huge glass of wine and a cigarette, presumably that's what the baby's tugging for in the womb.
 
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
So if you're craving a huge glass of wine and a cigarette, presumably that's what the baby's tugging for in the womb.

I blame the parents.
 
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
 
I think that came from my mind because everyone at work was so irritating yesterday. The only thing my body has craved is oranges and orange juice. One day I drank two litres of orange juice. It seems to have calmed down now though. Almost disappointing.
 
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 
Who needs fists when the butternut squash exists in an endless range of sizes?  -

[ 17.01.2008, 10:23: Message edited by: MiscellaneousFiles ]
 
Posted by Damon's Off (Member # 3) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
Who needs fists when the butternut squash exists in an endless range of sizes?  -

It was funnier in the other thread, Misc.
 
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 
Yeah, but y'know...

 -
 
Posted by Damon's Off (Member # 3) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
Yeah, but y'know...

 -

No MSPaintCock?

Also: I'm finding that squash kind of arousing. I don't quite know what to make of that.
 
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Damon's Off:
Also: I'm finding that squash kind of arousing. I don't quite know what to make of that.

One of the first porn videos I ever saw on the internets was of a woman pleasuring herself with one of these dubiously-shaped vegetables. They've held a special place in my heart ever since.
 
Posted by Damon's Off (Member # 3) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
quote:
Originally posted by Damon's Off:
Also: I'm finding that squash kind of arousing. I don't quite know what to make of that.

One of the first porn videos I ever saw on the internets was of a woman pleasuring herself with one of these dubiously-shaped vegetables. They've held a special place in my heart ever since.
I can imagine.

I was peeling carrots a while back, we've only had wee carrots lately, but about a month ago we had those big motherfuckers, and I swear, there was one amongst the lot that mesmerised me for a good two minutes. It was just so perfect. I was so tempted to save it from the pan just so I could look at it for a while. I've never had that before, but then I am finding as I get older that it is indeed the case that the minds of women in their thirties are filled with filth on a pretty much permanent loop. That is why we suddenly have this urge to have children, to distract us from the porn in our heads. Kids work like a charm on that level.
 
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
 
But doesn't being pregnant make it worse? I was no where near this randy during my pregnancy at 27. Now that I'm 30, it's almost scary.
 
Posted by Damon's Off (Member # 3) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by rooster:
But doesn't being pregnant make it worse? I was no where near this randy during my pregnancy at 27. Now that I'm 30, it's almost scary.

OHGODYES. Scary isn't even the word for it. What is nature's point in making you quite that rampantly and insatiably horny when you've already reproduced? It makes no biological sense.
 
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
 
Nature's worked out that you're a good bet for propagating your genes and thinks you're worth another throw of the dice, maybe?
 
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
 
I think maybe it is more about keeping the father around...why would he go spread his seed when he can have constant mind-blowing sex w/his partner, thus further bonding him to her and the growing baby.
 


copyright TMO y2k+

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.6.1