And on the ninth day (or thereabouts, when it had all got a bit boring), God said "go forth and limerise".
I'm going away to poet fulsomely and will be back shortly.
Thorn was a journo from Croyden Whose flatmate was really a hoyden. Their flat was a pit, And the fleas really bit, Which not only itched but annoyed 'em.
[ 11 June 2003: Message edited by: Octavia ]
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
**psst** Shouldn't this be in Life?
Posted by Octavia (Member # 398) on :
That's what I get for clicking Post New Topic without actually checking where I am first. Well, it would be a shame to start all over again in the right place, so they'll just have to be angry/insulting limericks. I'm sure that won't be too much of a problem.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
Oof!
I hope people don't think that Octavia is cross with me, what with this seeming to be a thread about me in Rants!
[ 10 June 2003: Message edited by: Sidney ]
Posted by Bamba (Member # 330) on :
What's a hoyden?
Edit to add: today I will mostly be pointing out inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the posts of other people whe are actually trying to liven up the forums rather than doing anything constructive myself.
[ 10 June 2003: Message edited by: Bamba ]
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
How about this for starters...
There was a young fella named Ringo Who loved pootling around in his Twingo Nice and slow round M Keynes Kept him all full of beans For his nightly full house down at Bingo.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: For his nightly full house down at Bingo.
Is this a metaphore?
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
There was a young man called Bandy Who was partial to the odd hand shandy So he shandied the hours by Until he hit himself in the eye And now he prefers to remain randy
Posted by squirrelandgman (Member # 201) on :
There was a young fellow called Ringo, With a pathalogical hatred of Flamingoes, He hated this species, As they pass little faeces, And are skinny proving him wrong in another thread.
Posted by victoria (Member # 103) on :
there was a young man called johnJ who's band wanted a number one someday him and macandrew were tempted to do a TaTu but ended up just covering the 'YMCA'
[ 10 June 2003: Message edited by: victoria ]
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: There was a young man called Bandy Who was partial to the odd hand shandy So he shandied the hours by Until he hit himself in the eye And now he prefers to remain randy
Edit. Probably best not.
[ 10 June 2003: Message edited by: scrawny ]
Posted by Loco (Member # 321) on :
A non rhyming limerick:
There once was a young man from Leigh. Who was stung on the leg by a wasp. When asked if it hurt He said "No, not much." He can do it again if he likes.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
There was a young lady called Scrawny, Whose style was more brainy than brawny: Her oral technique Covered English and Greek In five languages she'd make you horny.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
A funster who called herself VP Had a love life not sexy, but sleepy Till Wolfie appeared Which was rather weird But now she is happy, not weepy
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
There was a young poster called Loco Who sailed along Orinoco *He there met a singer Who was a dead ringer For Lennon - dead husband of Yoko.
*/She
[ 10 June 2003: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
An affable poster named Mart Had terrible tales to impart But none of them sadder Than when young Mart's bladder Made colouring trousers an art.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
A surreal doctor named When Appeared when most needed but then He'd vanish for ages To read up on pages From yore then he'd re-enact them.
[ 10 June 2003: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
An Opera-user named Jones Was technoshite down to his bones He'd copy and paste With such obvious haste That his "-"s became "?"s and he'd groan...
"Edited for spackness".
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
There was a BB named The Moon - As empty, at night, as balloons With loose threads that dangled Thank God no one tangled... "Your limerick's sick!" - coming soon.
[ 10 June 2003: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Jonesy's a man to be hearted For all the great threads that he's started He'll respond to owt And no shadow of doubt: My arse loves him too - I've just farted
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
There once was a poster named Ben Whose penis, in inches, was ten. The bandwidth he siphoned Just posting his python Made atheists whisper 'Amen'
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
There was a young dude with a smile, who arse was a fifth of the nile, He couldn't resist, a full fronted fist, With his drum machine set on 'defile'
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
It's late and Rick's cheese-counter-bound Where a girl is just standing around His charm's on full throttle But she'll peel his bottle It's a tale that can't fail to astound
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
ha ha ha ....weeeeeeeeeeee!!
[ 11 June 2003: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Darryn lent Waynster a bike To go for a ride to a dyke And though Waynster's unfit And his arse hurts to shit He still says to Darryn "I like!"
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
NWoD: MSN - ginger@intercom.es
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
strange, can't see ya?
Posted by Hippychick (Member # 174) on :
guys, you there?
there was a young fella called jonesy whose style was amusing and prosey he wrote a good rhyme to pass his idle time to his pals in a style often cosy.
Posted by Hippychick (Member # 174) on :
a lass, hippychick, was quite stotious she crawled into bed very cautious the room span around a merry-go-round she woke the next day very nauseous.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
We aaaaaaaaaaaalive!!
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
You can join in too, its just a humble pie of life apology; newwwayofdecay@hotmail.com Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
A meat's been proposed in O'Neill's It's a place for which this poster feels As a last resort, fine It serves beer and wine But lack of imagination reveals
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
(that's not actually true: i quite like the place)
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
There once was a thread sat in Rants, Full O' rhymes that made me wee my pants, But it should be in Life, Here's for trouble and strife, And for Steelgate and other pissants.
There's a thread that's as shap as a knife, Stuck in rants though the posting is rife, It's sharp and it's witty, In a forum that's shitty, Do you think I should move it to life ?
VP's looks you could cash at the bank, She is cute and quite hot (to be frank), Say's she can't find a man, Try's as hard as she can, But all the blokes out there are wank.
The limerick thread may be stuck, I can move it but once, oh what luck, If I move it away, In that place it must stay, And never be archived - Oh fuck !
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
"Write a pop music pastiche," Sid cried Can Kovacs be funny? I tried Scraped the textual barrel Crossing Cheryl and Carroll And was sentenced for thread homicide.
edit - 4 not 2
[ 11 June 2003: Message edited by: kovacs ]
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Best Thread Ever contender.
Posted by Hippychick (Member # 174) on :
quote:Originally posted by Hippychick: she woke the next day very nauseous.
prophetic words, spoken in jest.
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
To transcribe toilet turding they dared And they so scatologically shared Those who turned up their noses Came out smelling of roses From this nostalgie de la merde.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
There's a decent and fine chap named Thorn (Though some say he's Lucifer's spawn) Who gets home each night Has a quick wash and bite Then spends hours on the web browsing interesting electronics articles
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Dur! That last line doesn't rhyme, Dang.
Perhaps you meant to write:
And offers to mow the neighbour's lawn.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: And offers to mow the neighbour's lawn.
Is that a euphemism?
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Called London, or Londie or AMP She falls firmly right into the camp Of the media elite She’s so down and so street That she feels last lines which scan or rhyme are a constraint on expression and creativity.
Her sister, the high-heeled Uber Trick Is enjoying some frisky new dick She’s nowhere on board Since she thus scored ‘Write to geeks?’, man that’s just sick.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
The poster we all know as Herbs Has a habit that frankly peturbs Her bowl needs a clean You know what I mean She's a legend in all London 'burbs
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Oh DD, oh Alice, oh Disco Let's both run off to San Francisco It's a city of sun Of beaches and fun It's where all the cool cats and kids go
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
That TMO veteran Ms Herbs Inspires poets to invent new adverbs e.g "she blangpoddly bounces And grundociously flounces When qundergly stepping off kerbs"
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
There was a coll hipster named Razzle Whose lingo never failed to dazzle So unique it makes you feel rett But this man you never could hatt As he makes your funny bones a-frazzle
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
I've got an ace car and some kids Says Dang without batting his lids We'd all move to France But we haven't a chance On that plan our son's put the skids
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Pray tell, O my sweet colleague Sidney, Did you shit on my pencil? 'I didnae' Eyes wide in pretence Of sweet innocence She pleads 'I'd rather gouge out my own kidney.'
[ 11 June 2003: Message edited by: herbs ]
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
We all thought Phill didn't exist There are some who on this still insist But the February meat Showed he wasn't a cheat Though I'm not sure: I was a bit pissed
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
There once was a young man named Dang And bland music he could not stand So Radiohead Who others wished dead In the shower he always sang
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
Step forward the chicklet named Uber! Your shoe collection is rather super If you get half a chance Teach me the bandages dance So by association, I can be cooler
Who is the coolest girl on the Moon? Why, it's Herbs - you great buffoon! Her talk of penis fencing men And the disabled toilet again Makes we wee with delight in my 'loons.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
There was a place called TMO Where many office workers would go To while away days (Arse! No chance of a raise) Because sometimes time feels so slow
This place we converge called The Moon In the morning or the afternoon I can't stay away Cuz I'm so bored today It's somewhere I'll return to quite soon
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
Doctor Benway's a poster of note, With a beard that resembles a stoat, There's a glint in his eyes, And some sperm on his thighs, Watching Japanese porn (With a goat)
[ 11 June 2003: Message edited by: Darryn.R ]
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
So, dear Ben told us all of his plight, Of the war against cats he would fight, But his Mrs likes kitties, She calls them her pretties, So he won't get no pussy tonight !
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
There was a young doc named Benway Who dazzled the board with his pen play There was even talk That in the shire of York He made a librarian's hen gay.
(The last bit doesn't really mean anything, but at least it rhymes)
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Is RickJ a Nazi or not? Is he part of some fancy complot? Is his cheese just a ruse To wipe out all Jews Or is it a load of old rot?
Posted by Modge (Member # 64) on :
Young vivacious Victoria Studied herself into euphoria Passed her exams After several scams And experienced phantasmagoria
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
There once was a troll named Steely Who with women liked to get touchy feely At meats he did lurk behind anyone in a skirt Though anyone with a pulse would do really
A poster with the surname of Cole As a photographer, was good (on the whole) His subjects consisted of young ladies being fisted And young men being goosed by a pole
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
A certain Poetess who adores her cats Made the bold statement that dog lovers are twats Wildlife she spurned At butterflies she gurned But the thread just moved on to bitching out rats
Posted by Modge (Member # 64) on :
The Sopranos they all were cool But Fionnula governed the school She was Cooler Than the other Fionnula, Who was Ordinary and not in rule
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
quote:Originally posted by Modge: The Sopranos they all were cool But Fionnula governed the school She was Cooler Than the other Fionnula, Who was Ordinary and not in rule
The third line doesn't scan, you know. It needs to go ta-ta-tum, she was Cooler. Also can you mention Victoria's upshagging in the first poem? On second thoughts, don't.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
I like to give welcomes with Larry But not to any Tom Dick or Harry The noob must deserve Show wit and sheer nerve And the stomach to witness Thorn's gary
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
Kovacs corrected Modge-verse, Although many on here are much worse, Though not cruel with intent, To a certain extent, The enjoyment it gives him's perverse !
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
With ambitions towards being fey And neuroses a Freudian field day 'I could never do pooh In a commoner's loo At least not without my nosegay'.
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
There once was a poster called Thorn, Who constantly lived with 'the horn' It was stiff night and day, And would not go away, I think he's a future in porn !
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
The Sumo ate lots, and was fat Though just quite how much did he shat? Was it much more than most? Is that something to boast? It's funny to think of stuff like that
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
I was washing my knob 'cos it stank, The odour it gave off was rank, With some soap in the bath, It was rather a laugh, And much cleaner than having a wank.
Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
Autobiographical
There was a young man from South London Who loved Marty's films, even Kundun He watched them on loop 'Til his brain turned to goop and his poor little mind had come undone
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
Whilst to work I do try to adhere and my head I do try keep it clear But on a day like today Thers only one thing I can say And that's "Darryn - Let's go for a beer!"
[ 11 June 2003: Message edited by: Waynster ]
Posted by 69 Comeback Elvis (Member # 9) on :
Says Ben: tell me lovely, what ail yer? You’re mardy but I want the Whaler I need chips, it’s not funny London food’s made me runny When I’ve shat summat solid I’ll nail yer
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
quote:Originally posted by Waynster: Whilst to work I do try to adhere and my head I do try keep it clear But on a day like today Thers only one thing I can say And that's "Darryn - Let's go to the pub!"
That don't rhyme - But sod it 'Beer' ?
[ 11 June 2003: Message edited by: Darryn.R ]
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
quote:Originally posted by Darryn.R: That don't rhyme - But sod it 'Beer' ?
[ 11 June 2003: Message edited by: Darryn.R ]
Sorry my bad. Too thirsty to rhyme
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
A noob with praise we did shower As dazzled by his stunning Frank-Power He proved to be best In debate and jest Though once known as a pickle, poor flower!
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
Elvis does poems of worth, Full of murderous mischief and mirth, I laughed till I cried, And it hurt me inside, And it felt as though I just gave birth..
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
A penis doth make you feel 'manny' And having one's really quite canny, At the end of the day, Well, what more can I say, When it's turned inside out, it's a fanny !
Posted by Physic (Member # 195) on :
There was a fellow named Mart, Who played an integral part, On a board called TMO. Where many would go, To pour out their soul and their heart
Mart was a poster most witty, Whereas Ben was a hater of kitty, VP made a stand, To defend cats she planned, Whereas Thorn was just browsing for titty
On this board Darryn was boss, Though what was posted he gave not a toss, As long as he could phoo, And have discussions on poo, He was a contented old hoss
Now on this board many did post, And Jonesy did so more than most, His posts were so funny, He could have made so much money, But of his talent he never did boast
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Now do you remember The Dead? A thread that was read and re-read It had haiku (and phoo?) But no mention of poo And no lim'ricks at all, must be said
Of course, that old classic's a winner Spleen vented by more than one sinner "What of this thread?", you yell Who can say? Who can tell? Is it archive-ideal or a binner?
Posted by 69 Comeback Elvis (Member # 9) on :
Says Ko, Alice wasn’t Ms Liddell He changed her straight after the fiddell Lovely though she was He rewrote because She stank up his fingers with piddell
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
And with a last spurt the forites were spent Damp and panting, tongues lolling, they leant Admiring of Elvis Exhausted of pelvis Wondering where it was all that time went.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:Originally posted by dang65: That TMO veteran Ms Herbs Inspires poets to invent new adverbs e.g "she blangpoddly bounces And grundociously flounces When qundergly stepping off kerbs"
It's scary how close this was to the herbs made up verbs, group sex with serbs idea I failed to finish last night.
There once was a tutor named Kovacs Who'd get students high using 'blow-backs' He'd dress them as Alice Then show them his phallus And capture the scene with his Kodak.
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
And so Man U did Beckham begat, For a few thousand Euro and that, So I'll say it again, Now that he's gone to Spain, Who fucking cares - He's a twat !
Posted by Samuelnorton (Member # 48) on :
I.
Benny was quick to abuse that Nazi guy over the Jews He'd dig up the dirt for all he was worth and never fail once to amuse.
II.
Kovacs the master of ch8 was seeking his MSN m8 at "how do u do?" He was flamed with "fuck u" And love quickly turned into h8
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
Junkies, when needing a stash, Or trying to purchase some hash, Here's a trick that's been found, That'll earn you a pound !, Try wanking off sailors for cash.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Gah! I keep thinking of the work in front of me (a recipe book) in terms of limericks...
The beans are best fried or when stewed And the chickpeas are really good, dude... (etc.)
Posted by Samuelnorton (Member # 48) on :
Mart was a fellow in Spain who had such a terrible pain Instead of pan-frying He ended up crying "I'm writing a limerick. Again!"
Posted by Physic (Member # 195) on :
There was a board called TMO, Where bored workers and students would frequently go Of much they would speak, As they passed by the week, But work, would they do it? Oh no
On this board their posted a man, Who it seemed had existed since posting began, Many thought him a freak, As all through the week, He offended the others as few people can
He sold the big issue and lived in a squat, Of him the others they knew not a lot, His views seemed distressing, And quite often depressing, But made little sense more often than not
He posted it seemed, on many a board, Somehow the web-time he seemed to afford, He frequently went under many a name, But his posting style was always the same, As by many a poster his views were abhored
But though his views they were many, And not agreed with by any, To be fair to the chap, Though he shat through his trap, He wasn't that nasty, just zany
After things that he wrote, There once was a vote, The idea was explored, To remove him from the board, And as a result, he was bade fetch his coat
Some time down the track, This fellow came back, His name it was new, But who he was they all new, Because still he did post a load of old cack
As time did pass by, And it really did fly, He seemed to change from a ret, To the resident pet, And was almost accepted, though noone knew why
Not too bad for a post 3 large pina-colada's effort I guess
Posted by Londie (Member # 179) on :
Voice one: O Frederico Eres muy rico Who will be my ho When from the house you go?
[pause] ...whAT?
Voice two: O Anne-Marie Payne You really are so lame.
Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
I used to love films with De Niro In fact I would say "He's my Hero" But I find that of late All his films I do hate From a star he has turned to a zero
Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
I also love films by Hitchcock That man had a way with a shock Yes his films were intense and were packed with suspense They were never a waste of film stock
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
If we are doing weirdo ones like London's, here's a Beckettian limerick.
Estragon (played by Mark Rylance): Must you solve every problem with violence? Vladimir [pause]: We could take it outdoors. Estragon: Maybe later then. [Silence.]
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
That fucking rocks. Took me a while, like...
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
Two years on here with no praise, and then two of the forum princesses are nice to me within two days.
Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
Some praise the film St Elmo's Fire But I find it really quite dire To be rather blunt Watching that bunch of twunts Makes me wish they would all just expire
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Heh. Boy Racer is a lean mean limerick machine this morning.
Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
Hangover and Irn Bru
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
A noobie comes just as our Ringo Is sad, feeling unloved... I say 'Bingo' Boy Racer you're coll But are you a 'troll' As I believe it is called in our lingo.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: Her sister, the high-heeled Uber Trick Is enjoying some frisky new dick She’s nowhere on board Since she thus scored ‘Write to geeks?’, man that’s just sick.
Take heart, dear friends, you’re not geeks I pop in and take sneaky peeks But my recent absence Is through work, not romance So a slap, herbs, on all of your cheeks!
Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: A noobie comes just as our Ringo Is sad, feeling unloved... I say 'Bingo' Boy Racer you're coll But are you a 'troll' As I believe it is called in our lingo.
I'll answer you're query as best I can, although I need a rest I'm hungover this morning and I can't stop from yawning Let's just say I'm not looking my best
Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
Back on the filmic tip
And I also like films by Truffaut Especially The 400 Blows Oh yeah and Jules et Jim They're a credit to him How he does it I will never know
Posted by Londie (Member # 179) on :
Watchin' film and chowin' milm Sniffin' butt and making fuck Occasionally stopping for a poo or a wee The life of Boy Racer is the only life for me.
Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
quote:Originally posted by Londie: Watchin' film and chowin' milm Sniffin' butt and making fuck Occasionally stopping for a poo or a wee The life of Boy Racer is the only life for me.
Milm chowin's a pastime it's true Fucking, weeing, and pooing are to But to clear up this fog I am not someone's dog So butt sniffin's not something I do
Posted by AgeingGrace (Member # 342) on :
There once was a poet called Kovacs Whose name only rhymes with Kim Novak’s. I prefer Janson – Rhymes with Marilyn Manson, A singer admired by young Slovaks.
(??) well, I tried, dammit!
One for my neighbours:
When Summer warms the English clime, English folk decide it’s time To cook outdoors; With smoke that soars, Covering all with smelly grime.
And one for you:
A grumpy old bag, known as Grace, With a miserable look on her face, Mused: “I need stimulating!” Then, without hesitating: “I know! TMO! That’s the place!”
