posted
If you really did have worms though then that imagery would totally work.
Incidentally, if you do ever have worms then get your owners to put a wormer tab in some cheese and then you won't even notice it when you eat it! That's much better than when they hold your mouth open and throw the tab at the back of your throat and then hold your mouth closed and stroke your throat. It's meant to make you swallow the tab but you can usually sneak it into your cheek, pretend to swallow and then spit it out into the litter tray when they're not looking. I prefer the cheese myself.
posted
You see, that's the problem with that method. I would suggest a squeezy bottle (of the kind ketchup or mustard comes in) which you can use to squeeze water into the mouth to help the wormer go down and not stick in the throat. Has to be done while holding the mouth shut, of course, and just inserting the nozzle between the lips.
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posted
cheese, I'm telling you. Make sure that you never ever give them any other human food apart from the odd piece of cheese. They will come to love the cheese and scoff scoff scoff without a moments hesitation. Then when it's time for the cheese wormer tab: scoff scoff scoff balls. But: TOO LATE! Ha! <licks finger and inexplicably wipes it in a downwards motion in the air>
quote:Originally posted by herbs: A third category is emerging.
Physic = borderline diabetic
lol, I do eat vegetables as well if that helps, mostly peppers, broccoli and occasionally pak choi, plus occasionally salad if it's warm and I'm feeling lardy.. How come I get a predicted case of diabetes anyway? Some of those other diets are way worse than mine..
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Lunch: 1 or 2 bottles of Diet Pepsi + 2 Cigarettes
Dinner/supper/tea (whatever the fuck you people call it): always something fresh, 99% made by me... Last night was chicken breast, broccoli, and oyster sauce over steamed Jasmin rice + Cigarette
Then, during the day my snacks are: Cigarettes / bottles of diet pepsi
That's pretty much my 'diet' for the past 10 years or so... So, why I'm a fat fuck, I don't know... Unless there's calories in cigarettes
(having a treat right now though, a very nice bourbon {thank you! } and coke... and some cigarettes)
-------------------- Evil isn't what you've done, it's feeling bad about it afterwards... Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again. Posts: 3793
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quote:Originally posted by Grianagh: minigree eats all of the above except for horrible school lunches
It's good to see Mart passing on his own values there.
Note: I'm just trying to be drunkenly funny here, I don't have to explain that do I? Please God tell me I don't, I'm terribly paranoid (and drunk) at the moment y'see.Posts: 3502
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posted
NWOD - if you feel the urge to scoot your arse across the grasss it is more likely that you have anal sacs that need manipulating to empty them than worms. Enjoy.
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quote:Originally posted by sabian: So, why I'm a fat fuck, I don't know... Unless there's calories in cigarettes
I did read somewhere that, apparently, cigarettes are bad for your health, and in all kinds of ways. Perhaps you could try becoming a non smoker and see if that helps at all?
I've found that since stopping smoking, I'm able to excercise for longer and harder without getting tired and out of breath. Consequently, I'm able to shift weight like never before.
Maybe there really is some truth in what the scaremongers tell you about smoking?
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posted
I drink loads of tap water at home and Pow-Wow at work. So much so that I'm often the person who ends up changing the bottle in the water cooler. It's a shame I'm too weak to lift it these days...
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posted
A few years back I plumped up a little, and my Doctor told me I was fat and needed to lose some weight. I couldn't stop eating and thought I might even have a compulsive eating disorder.
Then I moved to London, got a new Doctor, got an allergy diagnosed (the symptoms of which I'd been complaining to original doctor about for 7 years), and bingo! Dairy comes out of the diet, and within a couple of weeks I'm feeling better. After a couple of months I'm like a whole new person.
Now it is about 3 years later, and I have lost 3 stone in the past two years by doing nothing other than removing the allergen. Feel much better, fit into size 12 clothes (I still have size 20/22 clothes from way back when), and eat what feels comfortable, rather than what evil allergy is dictating to me.
Anyway, average day I eat:
Breakfast: 2 bags of Hula Hoops Packet of Chocolate Covered Sesame Snaps
Snack: Crisps or Biscuits
Lunch: Sandwich
Tea: Whatever is there. Sometimes healthy, sometimes not so healthy.
I drink orange squash continually all throughout the day, which is not quite the same stuff as water, but not really too far off. Still wooshes through me like an enema.
posted
I was diagnosed with a similar allergy about this time last year: Seemed I was allergic to doing nothign except sitting around at my computer, drinking beer and eating pizza. I put on loads of weight and got really depressed.
Then towards the end of the year I just started being more active again, and eating proper food - and woosh! The weight dropped off. Magic!
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posted
Why don't men have a convenient "size", like girls do, that sums up their entire figure in one number? Ladies can quickly let a potential date know whether they're a svelte 8 or a chubbier 12, saving horny online fellas time and dial-up fees. But men are reduced to vague, unscientific descriptions like "slim", "athletic" or "husky"... and these are open to interpretation, for one man's husky may be another man's "woofer". At best, stat-mad men on the internet razzle can type in their waist size, but this figure gives only a third of the info offered by the fairer sex, for a size "12" actually indicates a lady's boob, waist and hip measurement, all in one number.
So come on clothes boffins. Make up a number so we gents can quickly tell a potential bonk what we look like! Blair's Britain will become a sex-drought, not a long hot summer of love, if you don't pull your figures -- sorry, fingers -- out!
posted
Maybe we could use metonymy (is that right?). So we could say 'He's a total Iggy' (emaciated, muscular); 'Bit of a Michael' (Moore, big round belly), &c.
quote:Originally posted by kovacs: for a size "12" actually indicates a lady's boob, waist and hip measurement, all in one number.
Bollocks does it. You've obviously never seen the hardy perennial Daily Mail/Wimmins mag feature "All these women are a size 12, but look they're all completely different sizes". It's not any more snappy when written by bona-fide jaded womens feature hacks.
ps. Herbs, have you ever tried being greased and dropped from a plane into a pair of size 12 trousers? It could be the future of extreme sports...
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posted
AND, on a "feature we wheel out at least once a year" tip, one can be a size 12 in one shop and something else entirely in another. And two different sizes on top and bottom. And then there's Hennes. Yesterday I bought two skirts in two different sizes (one of which was a 12) which both fit. And the only size of a particular dress I could do up round my waist was an 18. BIZARRO.
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quote:Originally posted by kovacs: svelte 8 or a chubbier 12
lol! My ex girlfriend was this svelte 8 you speak of. You could see her ribcage and spine protruding out from her skin. She looked distinctly unhealthy.
I'm kind of thinking he only said that to provoke a reaction.
He told me on Messenger that he had slept with a size twelve girl once, but he didn't like the way his cock looked next to her thigh, and that he felt a bit traumatised by the experience. But then he said the week later he pulled a girl from a pro-ana forum, and that made him feel a lot better.
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scrawny
One Mojito, two Gin and Tonics, Three Bacardi Lime Sodas, and a couple of pints of Stella please.
posted
quote:Originally posted by kovacs: a svelte 8 or a chubbier 12
This is kinda ridiculous. If I was a 'svelte' size 8, I'd have to lose about 2 stone and my ribs would be sticking out of my back - not a good look. Different people look good at different sizes, as I'm sure the Dove Campaign For Real Beauty is attempting to prove.
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scrawny
One Mojito, two Gin and Tonics, Three Bacardi Lime Sodas, and a couple of pints of Stella please.
posted
NWOD, we merge again.
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![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
} and coke... and some cigarettes)
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