posted
Marriage.(sort of) Now it's legal, I've been wondering, should I? Or rather, should we? Now me and my partner have been together about 20 years, we do not jointly hold property, do not have joint bank accounts, dont have children (or want to). So I've been wondering... does it change things? Once you are married, how does it change your relationship? I would like the protection it gives me, pension rights, Next of kin, etc...I dont want my hateful family having any say in what happens to me.
So, should I? Have you? what was it like?
and I dont like the marriage word, I prefer what it is, a civil partnership.
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posted
If you love each other then I reckon it's a good idea.
I know a little more of the background here and reckon you'd probably make a pretty decent go of it and you'd be much better placed in a legal sense considering your feelings towards your family, though you could probably just have papers drawn up that do the same thing but then there's no excuse for a party and after all what better reason is there to get wed other than a good booze up and half a dozen free toasters.
I was married, conned into it with lies so it was never off to a very good start and I'm still paying for it now.
Still, 20 years almost as a couple, why fuck with what works ?
I guess I have to ask you this, IF it had been legal at any point proir to this, say 15 years ago, or 10 or even 5 would you have gone for it ?
If the answer to that question is yes then go for it.
posted
Most of the benefits are to do with what happens if one of you's no longer around. Like paying no tax on stuff left to you etc.
My advice FWIW, is if there's no romantic or emotional reason for getting hitched is to sit down and look hard at what the position would be now and after. And to discuss what you think being "married" means.
Upsides:
pension rights
no IHT on death (assuming that you're not going to leave everything to the cat)
tax allowances can be shared
Downsides
any benefits that you're entitled to will be made at the couple rate, not 2x individual rate
the above includes tax credits but actually if you're living as a couple you have to notify anyways now.
But think carefully: if you do get hitched and split up you'll be personally responsible for any stats that say that more gay marriages end in divorce than hetro ones. You will confirm the sterotype of a feckless mincing bummer who can't keep it in his pants*. THE COMMUNITY WILL HATE YOU AND IT WILL BE NO-ONE'S FAULT BUT YOUR OWN.
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* NB this does not apply to lesbeans who have a tendency to wake up the following morning to find their shag moving their stuff in and writing a top ten names for our cat list. Actually I'd be interested to see whether the stats over the next few years bear any relation to those stereotpyes.
posted
Well, I guess I would have "married" him if it were possible sooner, we had intended to sign the register, but changed our minds as we wanted to do it when it was properly recognised. Do I love him? Answer is simple, yes. I was looking at him last night and thinking what a great man he is. we still kiss often, like when passing. He kisses me and tells me he loves me everyday. Sex is still great, not often, but great. We still hold hands when we sit together on the sofa...... the tax stuff is attractive, but, I do worry that this will all change and we'll get divorced and I'll be responsible,outcast and homeless fighting over custody of the cat.
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quote: I was looking at him last night and thinking what a great man he is. we still kiss often, like when passing. He kisses me and tells me he loves me everyday.
After 20 years? Me and my ex didnt kiss much after just 2 years (obviously he wasnt my ex then) so I'm impressed.
quote: the tax stuff is attractive, but, I do worry that this will all change and we'll get divorced and I'll be responsible,outcast and homeless fighting over custody of the cat.
I would have thought that if things were to change in that way it would have been after living together for a while? Or maybe thats just my experience...
I'm sure, after 20 years of being together you must be pretty solid as a couple, that signing a bit of paper wont change anything to the detriment of a strong relationship...
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quote:Originally posted by Good Fairy: Marriage.(sort of) Now it's legal, I've been wondering, should I? Or rather, should we? Now me and my partner have been together about 20 years, we do not jointly hold property, do not have joint bank accounts, dont have children (or want to). So I've been wondering... does it change things? Once you are married, how does it change your relationship? I would like the protection it gives me, pension rights, Next of kin, etc...I dont want my hateful family having any say in what happens to me.
So, should I? Have you? what was it like?
and I dont like the marriage word, I prefer what it is, a civil partnership.
There's no easy answer. You have already outlined the benefits. The disadvantages are that a lot of what happens to your property and such-like, if you take a civil ceremony, will be 'owned' by him and vice versa afterwards.
Is it about property and taxes, or emotional life?
I remember a mate of mine whose partner was killed, suddenly, in a road accident. He didn't even get to follow her wishes once her family stepped in. Broke him up.
You don't have to marry, just make a will if it is all down to legalities, property and wishes. No problem.
So why are you asking? Is your partner wanting to marry you?
If that is the case, the question you have to ask yourself is why you haven't said yes. What is it in you? Is your fear - and something scares you else you wouldn't be asking - greater than your love?
i am so having that as my christmas card next year.
I want him on it too. Beats the arse off "Make the Yule Tide GAY!"
To think those people can bring up children! I think I've seen him in Public Sex Environments when I've been on outreach. He asked me if I knew any young boys he could bum... It might not have been him, but someone who looked alot like him, but not carrying the placcard. If he got his cock out, I could tell for sure.
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