not...
You reached over with your hand and knocked my Jap over
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I just had to do something disgusting. I was having a wee in the toilet at work, I finished and was about to flush when I knocked the little plastic toilet freshener thing off the side of the bowl and into the wee wee water. I thought about flushing it anyhow but then I thought maybe it would get jammed in the u-bend or something. I looked for some rubber gloves, but there wasn't any. I tried to fish it out with the toilet brush but no joy.
So I had to put my hand in and pick it up, put it back on the side of the toilet bowl and then finally flush the chain.
I washed my hands thoroughly afterwards but I still feel a bit ergh.
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I've just remembered! I had to fit a new toilet seat a couple of weeks ago. The metal fittings had all but rotted away and their was a thick brown rime of ancient caked piss under them. That was pretty nasty.
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I suppose that it was hauling a pound of jizzy looking hair from the plug hole of the bath this morning. It's not that the hair was all slimy and gross, but more that I don't even know whose hair it was. And it kept coming, huge wads of putrifying human matter. sticking to my wrist. Basically it was like an episode of the ultra nasty "Real CSI".
[ 12.10.2006, 05:51: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
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Thanks to the *ARRSEpedia for explaining this word to me:
quote: Dangleberries, butt nuts, arse grapes.
The encrusted bits of poo which hang around in the anal beard, particularly after a long exercise. Much fun can be had picking these, squashing them to release the juicy centre, and then using them as the basis for a slightly insipid skiff. Winnet removal can be a painful process involving the removal of much hair and possibly even drawing blood for the hard men, others stand under the shower and repeatedly wash their cracks with soap and/or anti-tangle shampoo until the winnets have ceased and desisted.
And Google's adverts are as well targeted as ever:
quote: Laser Hair Removal From £25, free consultations, IPL Ruby & NdYAG - East of England
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That webiste isn't that good - it has no entry for 'tagnuts'.
Doesn't anyone remember the classic bicycle with a brush around the wheel and the seat removed advertised in Viz for dealing with such problems? The 'Winnit-away' or something?
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Actually I change my mind - It's not about Arses, but about the Army - a kind of Wikipedia written by the troops - quite entertaining (See RAF or Navy entries for a giggle)
quote:Originally posted by Louche: I was thinking of getting a cat.
Cats are gr9. You just have to understand a few basic rules before you get one. Apparently a weaned kitten may hanker for its days as a full-time milk drinker and hence reject solid food if enough milk is on offer. However, this can lead to Feline Leaky Arse Syndrome, during which your kitten will go to her litter tray, do her business (not realising that its consistency is more akin to caramel than Dairy Milk), and then sit firmly on your white Habitat sofa.
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i havent had to do anything disgusting recently but i did just walk past a lovely little urban pavement tableau: sitting at the base of a lamppost was a runny dog turd with a peach stone in it. sat cheek by jowl with this was a really quite substantial clump of human hair- when i say a clump, more like sort of a rounded dreadlock. if i was a young brit artist i would have taken a photo of it and called it 'labour party conference 2006, bristol city centre'.
also, at the doctor's this morning i was sitting next to a one- legged using drug addict who kept shouting about his dressings. i know quite a lot about dressings now. lesions too.
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The other day my dad boasted to me that he'd finally caught the squirrel that'd been living in his loft and chewing through beams and wires. He didn't let it go, however. No, he cornered it in the bathroom, smashed its head in with a hammer and then invited a neighbour over to admire his handiwork.
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what you rolling your earballs at me for huh ralph. i cant help it if every time i imagine the words 'i pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america and to the republic for which it stands one nation under god indivisible with liberty and justice for all' it is with the very definite pauses that come from the boredom of enforced daily recital by teenagers in homeroom. im not surprised youre all so bored of saying it, you must say it quite a lot for me to have absorbed the content of the thing almost entirely (with the exception of the bit about the republic i could pretty much recite it myself and I AM BRITISH FOR FUCKS SAKE).
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