posted
Two males and two females - the winners get to perform with each other in every configuration possible for a foursome while the rest of the forum looks on grimly, performing a slow hand-clap, in a bar, in Finsbury Park.
Don't be a fucking pussy, NOMINATE.
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Abby Terse temptress of eye-popping gorgeousness; she doesn't post huge amounts but what she does is dry, wry and distinctive. Turn-ons include: brainy men, lame fantasy. Woo yeh. Form an orderly queue, geekazoids.
Vogon Poetess Yes, I know. OBV. But let's not mess around: this slinky foxtress knows how to reduce all the non-gay men on the forum to blubbering hulks of dribble - and make the gay ones think twice. The Dorothy Parker of Croydon may have been a regular for nigh on five years but still has the capacity to surprise and enthrall. Turn-ons include: horses. Yeah, you heard - horses.
Ringo Kovacs - Kovacs! - once declared that Ringo was probably the most attentive lover on the forum owing to the astounding attention to detail he devotes to resolving telephoned IT helpdesk queries. Not just that, but this beefy hunk of stud has boffed or been linked to practically every eligible female ever to grace this site. Nice work for someone who was, like, 18 when he started. Turn-ons include: cars, car things, car-driving and kettles. Yeah (*breathes*) you heard, lover boy.
Vikram Love him or just desire him, you can't ignore Mr Zeitgeist - having trumped The Other Most Likely Male by a whisker, after the recent revelation of an awesomely alienated, funny and shocking writing talent (unlocked, as so much else on this forum is, by thoughts of Dr Benway), Vikram now seeks new challenges. Scarlett, maybe - or Lindsey. Turn-ons include: dead-eyed trustfund gals, war, SE Asia and boredom. (*Yeeaah, that's right. Bbboredome.*)
posted
I'll vote for Abby too, I guess. I'm not sure if I know what she actually looks like, but I used to go to school with a girl called Abby and she was pretty hott.
For me, VP has lost a lot of her appeal now that she's getting cock again...
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quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: For me, VP has lost a lot of her appeal now that she's getting cock again...
It was just the once. Although I'm working on it. Hurrah for cock!
I'm thinking that ben and kovacs would make a surprisingly sexsome double act. Such an intriguing set of contrasts: the tall, lean and dapper metrosexual vs the broad-shouldered, grim-faced brawn. Gruff Northern vowels bassing up the sharp-talking Cockney. A lot of gesticulating and thumping of tables as they lithely rummaged through popular culture, teasing out tasty textual snippets before discarding them limply aside.
Don't know about girls. Scrawny and Bailey were always the hottest surely?
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For the sake of convenience I'm going to ignore posters that I've actually fucked (hence no Ringo in my lists)
The only thing stopping me from using this thread to describe Modge as "well fit" is that she's married to Kovacs, and it seems a bit... wrong. Scottish accent and 1337 ballerina skills are the icing on the breasts and belly. Cake. I meant cake. Anyway. Yeah. Obviously a lot of that is just fantasy - you know - not actually knowing someone. I'm sure in real life I'd be disappointed; disgusted even.
Hang on. Are we doing these based on what people post like or what they actually are like in real life? Oh well, I'll just plough on with this embarrassment, regardless. It makes me feel a bit creepy, though. I'd like that noted. I'm not getting off on this or anything!
Astromariner was always a lovely combination of good looks and that kind of dappy charm that is so becoming in young women, until it turns into that terrifying derangement sported by 40 year old women. First of all you think it's cute that she cries because she's left-handed, a decade later you're getting phone calls from the police who found her wandering the streets in her nightie and putting breadcrumbs in her hair. Plus - she also had that tit reduction, and I know from the internet and Italian horror movies that breast mutilation = teh sexy.
For the guys, surely Jonesy999 deserves a mention? I mean as well as demonstrating his mad comedy skillz, he also looks like Kurt Russell, I don't just repeat that out of laziness - he really does look just like him. I mean - what more do people want?
Elsewhere Black Mask must win a few points for the mystery factor alone.
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Does anyone else think that the smiling man from the Picture the Loan advert which regularly features on page 2 of Metro looks a lot like Jonesy?
quote:Hang on. Are we doing these based on what people post like or what they actually are like in real life? Oh well, I'll just plough on with this embarrassment, regardless. It makes me feel a bit creepy, though. I'd like that noted. I'm not getting off on this or anything!
Good work Thorn.
Come on, more of you fuckers - let's have your nominations... or are you addicted to the watery Horlicks and limp fish paste sandwiches of nostalgia?
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posted
Lol. I agree with Misc, and I am proud to be compared to that picture of Titmarsh.
I thought the thread was supposed to be based on what people posted. I didn't want to embarrass myself by jumping in and getting it all wrong so I held back. As a result a wave of words is building up in my loins, racing through my body like Elvis's tsunami of salmon, all giddy and impatient to explode from my fingers in a burning shell of sticky textual gush.
Ben is the sexiest: The school master who cares, that Welsh guy in To Serve Them All My Days, but northern. Moulding and teaching and shaping his audience, every single one of them blinking into their monitors, hoping the eye-love-you-lids trick stolen from Raiders will work over the interweb. When he's not the school master, he's the smithy, expelling the sweaty rage of the day's passions by beating hot words into barbed hunks of unbreakable iron, hot enough to burn you, sharp enough to cut you, but you want to be cut. The man builds his bed with sentences hewn from the very rock of the planet, binds you to that cold stone with mature leather phrases hacked roughly from the bull of a bygone era, a time of raw, untamed greatness. Held firmly in place he will long cock the boys with great long fucks of rhetoric; angry, barely-inhibited shafts of earthy, girthy word penetrating their souls over and over and over again, like they are being fucked by the elements, by the planets, by the maker. To the female posters he is merciful, teasing them with tendrils of poetry and then enveloping them with vast arms of blunt, primal honesty until they shiver and quiver in his embrace and his mouth. And sometimes, every now and then, for fun, playfully bending forward to let Thorn push his eager cock, with a pop, through the filmy gateway to the pooper of Bun's persona.
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No Roy. If you read my original post it says in the small print that I'm disqualified from competing by the very fact of having been the one who suggested the contest.
"As you wear".
ps. fyi Jonesy, there's no film round my gateway pal.
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quote:ps. fyi Jonesy, there's no film round my gateway pal.
Lol. Sorry. I just imagined you would have a sheet of popable protection there, to keep out undesirables, perhaps made from a gossamer layer of pork pie jelly.
quote:Originally posted by ben: No Roy. If you read my original post it says in the small print that I'm disqualified from competing by the very fact of having been the one who suggested the contest.
"As you wear".
ps. fyi Jonesy, there's no film round my gateway pal.
Oh, I see it now. It's next to the rule at that all votes cast for Ben go to any other poster with a three letter blokes name instead.
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posted
Also, recently I've been getting the impression that H1ppychick would be a good lay, in a sobbing/ alcohol-y kind of manner.
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If danger is sexy, then I vote Benway. Recently I tried to pull a plug out of a 4-way adapter and didn't notice that Felix (housemate extraordinary) had left an exposed plug so that when I touched it blue bolts shot out of my fingers. My hand felt mummified for about an hour afterwards. When I think of the time Benway electricuted himself several times in a row in his bedsit I get a danger stiffy.
H1ppychick
We all prisoners, chickee-baby. We all locked in.
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quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: Also, recently I've been getting the impression that H1ppychick would be a good lay, in a sobbing/ alcohol-y kind of manner.
cheers, m2
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And Misc, who is so pretty it makes me mad. Being in a band with two handsome guys is a right fucker. Sometimes it makes me so bitter and jealous I want to just ram their beautiful mugs into each other. I'd really like to grab them both my the scruff of the necks and hurl them down a steep hill, but I know that it would only make girls coo over them with their sexy ruffled hair and grass stained cheeks.
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