I think about this stuff all the time.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
rape as many women as I can before I get killed.
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
How many are you up to now JBN?
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Benway Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
sorry.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Zombie women or just the living? I imagine zombie women would be more exciting with an added danger element.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
In a post-apocalyptic situation where you've lost everything, everything has gone to shit, and there's no fucking chance of hope, safety, or escape from a miserable and painful death, surely, if you had been pushed beyond the limits of your social identity, you'd carve out a new, feral existance that probably would involve rape, cannibalism, and murder.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I'm just filling in for thorn. I wouldn't really rape anybody. I'd make a fake gun out of cardboard, lock my door, and starve to death, clutching my impotent totem.
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
quote:clutching my impotent totem.
TAG!
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I'd probably get killed out scavenging for fags.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
imogen poots is hot
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
i would surround myself with a ring of salt. i thought that everyone knew that zombies melt on contact with salt.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
she was born in 1989. Can you believe that shit.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
probably i'd head to b&q. there'd be gardening tools to use as weapons and seeds and stuff to grow food with, plus it'd be pretty secure. i think part of me would want to surrender to the zombies, to experience being them. it'd be a release of sorts. i haven't made a very good human being, so perhaps it would be a second chance?
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
sorry, thas slugs im thinking of, isnt it. id probably give myself up to my ineviatable fate if i was faced with a zombie. that, or pick it up by its shell and throw it violently against the wall.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: she was born in 1989. Can you believe that shit.
yeah i am aware she'll still be beautiful when she's old like us
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
You need portable, high energy food and drink, so a jeep filled with supplies is a must.
It'd be hard to get hold of a shotgun (unless you ventured onto a farm, which would probably lead to you getting shot by an over-territorial farmer protecting his brood) so your best bet would be to head for the coast and break into a sailing club/coastguard station and make off with a flare gun and as many flares as you could carry. A zombie shot in the face with a flare (like Billy Zane at the end of Dead Calm) isn't going to be hurting anyone.
There would probably be quite a lot of other useful stuff at a coastguard station (first aid, cutting equipment, blankets, a megaphone, navigational equipment) so that makes it a definite must-visit - probably a lot easier to loot than an army base too.
I'm sceptical about the benefits of taking to the water - did I dream it or isn't it the case that zombies can both swim and wade along the ocean floor? If either of these is true, I'd say a yacht would be more trouble than it was worth.
[ 05.06.2007, 10:12: Message edited by: ben ]
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
only in land of the dead and that was shit
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
If you could get a small reliable team together the way to go would be to barricade yourself into a high-rise office block. You'd need to clear it, floor by floor. You've got a place that's easily defendable, multiple escape points, probably full of supplies (canteen, vending machines, water coolers, fire extinguishers... staplers) and likely to be surrounded by lootable premises. You can inhabit a floor until it's foul then move up a floor, excellent viewpoint from the top, potential for helipcopter evacuation...
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
Zombie Flash Eaters, one of the classics, features a shark vs. zombie scene, so they're fine underwater. One to watch on youtube that.
[ 05.06.2007, 10:18: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
lots of galss windows though. you'd board them up but the zombies will get through eventually. and escape points = entry points too
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
who wins, benway? out of the shark and the zombie(s)? i dont have youtube access.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
It's a tie. They both take a bite of each other and call it quits.
[ 05.06.2007, 10:25: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
cos if its the shark, then obviously my zombie attack survival plan is simply to have a shark about my person at all times.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: They both take a bite of each other and call it quits.
is it an allegory of the cold war?
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
a tie? well i call massive bullshit on that. there has to be a winner. what i would personally like to see in that context, zombie v shark, is the zombie punching the shark in the face like they tell you to in event of shark attack. obviously it would be great to watch anyone punch a shark in the face, but watching a zombie do it would be fucking NUTRAsweet.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
they kind of wrestle; the zombie gets the shark in a half nelson if you can imagine such a thing underwater, bites it, and then the shark gets the zombies arm and tears the hand off, releasing the green zombie blood into the water. I guess that the shark then fucks off because it's not interested in the zombie flesh. The zombie does kind of punch the shark in the face. It's a good film. There's a legendary "large wooden splinter slowly pierces eyeball" scene. Tisa Farrow's eyeball in fact.
[ 05.06.2007, 10:32: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
i'd be fucked. i don't have a helpful hound willing to throw itself at the throat of oncoming zombie hordes. i have no weaponry. no ninja skillz and no outdoor skillz.
me and my fucking biotechnology are screwed without a functioning system. bollocks.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
I'm glad other people are obviously thinking about this stuff. I'm luck - I have a couple of doors to get through, and one of them is very easily well baricaded - it'd be the getting in and out to get supplies that might hurt. Savacentre is down the road - leading to Dawn esque comfort, and there is a weapons and fishing shop in wimbledon that'd be handy. My parents' place would be better suited - so would head there and begin a clean up operation of the surrounding area, building up survivor/soldiers and expanding the perimeter to house those that came in safely. Like someone else said, hit the hardware and gardening shops for some light hand held weapons, and lots of tinned goods. Plus I'd cancel my produce box, as those things won't last long at all. Ho ho. Then I'd find a dummies guide to flying a helicopter, and be set.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
im not going to use google for this question, i dont see the point. im going to ask it here.
re: zombie films. are there any films where-
a) zombies attack a huge group of hells angels who are having a campfire in the mountains, some variety of cross- chapter annual hogroast with naked underage teens being molested beneath rotting logs and big fat men in leather waistcoats swig from bottles of jd and get into knifefights whilst their slightly- run- to fat wives in denim shorts watch with no great interest, and all thats going on and suddenly RAAAAHHH zombies and all the bikers try to fight off the zombies with flickknives and nunchakas and stuff before they totally shit it and run away?
b) there are zombies that dont eat peole, they sexually assaukt them insteaad, and then eat them?
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Doc D are you crazy - if zombies attack you get to experiment on their dismembered but still-wriggling bodies, and you can walk around the base in your bloody lab coat as though you fucking own the place because the military are counting on you to find an explanation or cure for this crazy shit.
Black Mask excuse me if I don't join you in your plate-glass death trap. Consider how many medieval castles were built like modern tower blocks. None? Exactly.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
quote:Originally posted by dance margarita: b) there are zombies that dont eat peole, they sexually assaukt them insteaad, and then eat them?
DM you, and indeed everyone who has posted on this thread, need to read Cormac Mccarthy's The Road. Not zombies, exactly, more terrifying post-nuclear, rapey cannibals.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: they kind of wrestle; the zombie gets the shark in a half nelson if you can imagine such a thing underwater, bites it, and then the shark gets the zombies arm and tears the hand off, releasing the green zombie blood into the water. I guess that the shark then fucks off because it's not interested in the zombie flesh. The zombie does kind of punch the shark in the face. It's a good film. There's a legendary "large wooden splinter slowly pierces eyeball" scene. Tisa Farrow's eyeball in fact.
There are so many awesome moments in that movie. It’s obviously nothing compared to Zombie Flesh Eaters 2 which must be in the running for most laughable film ever made. But there are some real howlers in ZFE. Like the peasant gardener, who asks, on seeing a flare coming from the beach “What is it, the Devil?” like one might ask of a knocking sound “what’s that, the door?”. Or the general ludicrousness of the final standoff, where the survivors decide their best form of defence is to shut themselves in a wooden barn, armed only with a shotgun (which nobody can fire straight) and molatov coctails. And the bit right before the shark v zombie bit, where the woman who is inexplicably scuba diving wearing only seethrough panties, fends off the zombie by waving coral in its face. Or the zombified Conquistadors, who seem to be buried under about 3mm of loose soil. The film is so stupid in so many ways, but also brilliant in so many others.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: Consider how many medieval castles were built like modern tower blocks. None? Exactly.
Who's calling the shots, nowadays? Hmmm? Medieval barons or the inhabitants of big shiny glass towers? Exactly. All that glass is shatterproof, you dolts. And, actually, the key differences between a tower block and a castle are, what... They're high, they're strong, they have an inside for you and an outside for them. I'm sure any half-decent survivor could rustle you up some arrow-slits or a misericord, if you were really hankering.
But, you know, whatever... Don't come crying to me on the 41st floor when the zeds are chewing your arse off outside the foyer.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
disco, b) exists - a dreadful film called "porno holocaust" (that's a safe imdb link)
I don't know about bikers and zombies though. I saw a film recently called Psychomania where there were bikers killing themselves in order to gain an invulnerable 'undead' state, but they weren't really zombies as such.
There's obviously quite a lot of biker vs zombie in Dawn of the Dead but it's not got any wives in it.
[ 05.06.2007, 10:46: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
I want doc d and Ben on my team - the rest of you will just end up getting bitten or scratched or something stupid...
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Benny the Ball: I want doc d and Ben on my team - the rest of you will just end up getting bitten or scratched or something stupid...
ben would be a fucking nightmare. He'd have rotas for everything and he'd get all pissy about rationing and everyone would be aware of him positioning himself as top banana which he would, obviously, deny. He'd be calling meetings and getting his bumchums to take minutes when what's needed is explosive action and samurai decision-making.
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
both those things are good, in the short run - I think you'd both end up getting killed or messing up, while doc d loses it and lets the zombies in the back door. I've changed my mind - I'm going to be the one of the roof shooting zombies for fun.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I'm in with Ben. I'd take the minutes.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Actually, I'm not that far from an intact-ish castle. In a country park, next to a freshwater reservoir. You could probably fish from the ramparts. Grow stuff in the inner courtyard. I would wear my wedding dress and pretend to be medieval. Zombies could be as much fun as a fancy dress party with bonus gardening!
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
A prison might be a good place to try and take over.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
that also makes for a decent film when they zombies do come. This was tackled in Re-animator 4.
[ 05.06.2007, 11:12: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Strangeways would be good. They've got loads of shatterproof glass partitions and everything controlled by a big whirry machine. Some of the inmates looked pretty handy as well. Be good to have them on side.
Posted by Tilde (Member # 1215) on :
HOLD ON They might be zombies too, and now you're trapped in a prison full of Zombies.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
my friend says there's a government bunker near reading for just such an event so i'll probably tag along with him.
else, a prison would be a good idea because at least one wing would be safe right? somebody would have put it in lock down once the outbreak was known
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tilde: HOLD ON They might be zombies too, and now you're trapped in a prison full of Zombies.
Put the zombies on the roof:
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: that also makes for a decent film when they zombies do come. This was tackled in Re-animator 4.
I'm currently co-writing a zombie film set in a Victorian prison - it is a great setting indeed.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Right, so in the event of a zombie outbreak, what you'd want to do is lock yourself in a building along with several hundred potentially violent criminals when the constructs of Law and order have been swept aside. Personally I'd rather be eaten alive by zombies than repeatedly arse raped until I die from it.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
You just need to be sure you're the one in charge of the big whirry machine, Ringo. Let the prisoners slowly die of thirst/ starvation and take it a wing at a time, saving only the ones I fancy bonking.
Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Personally I'd rather be eaten alive by zombies than repeatedly arse raped until I die from it.
are you trying to say how high your amihottornott score was/is again?
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: what's needed is explosive action and samurai decision-making.
Get a grip you fucking hippy. What's at stake isn't your right to express yourself freely through the medium of body-popping, it's the future of our civilised society. With the right people we can get beyond the mere essentials of staying alive and can actually drive back the zombies and create a space where we can begin to rebuild. This won't happen by accident, however - once we've established a secure base and the means to keep ourselves fed, watered, fuelled and armed, it'll take everything we have in terms of discipline and planning to be able to expand the skills we have, venture out on expeditions to find other survivors and start to think about think about clearing and holding whole areas of territory where the zombies currently have free rein. None of this is going to happen through you doing a few little karate chops to impress the more easily-impressed members of the group - it'll require sustained and ruthless leadership, the corollary of which is complete and enthusiatic obedience from you and from EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS FUCKING COMPOUND and if you reach for that doorhandle so help me God i'll shoot you down like an animal Black Mask.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
benway and i will be living n LA come the zombie outbreak. we'll bust out paris from prison and go find lindsay and hole up in the chateau marmont i reckon
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: true colours
LOL
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Who cares. Let Ben build his house of sticks.
Who chooses these 'right people' ben? You? What's your criteria for the right person? Only people who can quote James fucking Joyce? Your glorious civilisation is ruined if you have any part in its implimentation.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: I'm just filling in for thorn. I wouldn't really rape anybody. I'd make a fake gun out of cardboard, lock my door, and starve to death, clutching my impotent totem.
lol.
Posted by Stefanos (Member # 53) on :
Think `What would Julius Caesar' do?
Probably wipe out the Helvetii - so probably not that relevant.
Posted by Doctor Agamemnon When (Member # 189) on :
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: I think about this stuff all the time.
Oddly enough, me too. My plan rather depends on the scale of the "infection"... I think my Medieval boys would make an excellent Zombie Holocaust Survival team: We're armoured ("bite on this, deadbeat!"), have a huge variety of practical and sharp weapons we can use, and are well drilled in acting as a team.
I can see the foraging parties now, carving a swathe of bloody undead destruction from the "safe area" to the local supermarket, scavenging for in-date tins and packets.
As for a base of operations? The tower blocks by me are pretty good - 10 storeys, excellent view over local terrain, large roofspace for solar panels (I've been eyeing up the local green energy shop, oh yes) and rain collection, windows not too big: You could barricade the bottom floor and use the handy overhang at the main doors as your "entrance platform", perhaps using ladders or (after you've had chance to scavenge welders, motors and stuff) retractable steps.
I thought about Warwick Castle, too: Familiar territory, fenced, handy river with potential water-powered electricity generation and eel traps, plus bloody great walls. The lower gate would need reinforcing or blocking altogether. Again, there's a good view from the towers - but it's a bit further away from a large supermarket. You could have a lovely vegetable garden in the courtyard, mind.
[ 14.06.2007, 09:10: Message edited by: Doctor Agamemnon When ]
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
quote:Originally posted by Stefanos: Think `What would Julius Caesar' do?
Probably wipe out the Helvetii - so probably not that relevant.
Having an epileptic fit at a key moment probably wouldn't help either...
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
