posted
Here's a lighthearted Wednesday afternoon thread for us, cotton candy for the brain… What has been your most embarrassing moment recently. Or ever if you prefer.
Poster Flushes Yesterday we had a staff conference where the entire office was sent to a conference centre for the purpose of bonding, role playing and general public humiliation. Now this wasn't a huge embarrassment but more of a red-cheeked "fucking typical" kinda thing. You see, since starting here a year ago my eye happened to find itself drawn to the fit body and cute face of our publications manager. I rarely get a chance to speak to this loveable beast of office based meat but it just so happened that yesterday we were in the same "break-out" group. Excellent! Thinks I, and proceed to be the wittiest, coolest, cleverest, cutest lil thing that ever did take part in a discussion group. I swear, he even caught my eye on a couple of occasions and smiled like we were sharing some clever private in-joke. This is superb! Thinks I, the office Christmas party is in a couple of weeks, perhaps we could share a drink or two then... Smiling to myself over lunch, chatting to other people, balancing a plate of hot finger food in one hand and a glass of orange juice in the other I glance down coyly when the object of my affections walks by… only to notice that I've spent the entire time with the pink bow on my pants sticking out the top of my jeans.
posted
Hmm, recently would have to be the bagpipe player incident or possibly the making of a phonecall to one of my badminton team members at stoopid o'clock at night and telling him how lovely I thought he was and how sad I was because he couldn't get into the nightclub cos he was wearing trainers. [Drink + phone = disaster!]BUT!!! The good news is that he actually doesn't know that it was me! He thinks that it was one of the other girlies. [I only found this out last night and am therefore extremely pleased].
My most embarassing incident ever is so cringeworthingly embarassing that even now, nearly 20 odd years later, it still has the power to make me cringe. It involved a 13 year old me on a school camping trip with two of my friends at night, a tent full of teachers getting pissed and smoking about 20 feet away and the fact that we forgot how much sound travel when there ARE NO WALLS in the vicinity. A full and frank discussion on female masturbation [and you can imagine what it was like being conducted by 3 fairly innocent 13 year olds] was heard by pretty much the entire campsite. The next morning our teacher, who just happened to be utterly drop-dead gorgeous asked us politely if we could be a little more discreet in our conversations in future, although, he and some of the other teachers had very much enjoyed the evenings revelations. About 5 years later, my bloody sister brought this same teacher home as her boyfriend. [I'm sure he must have been a bit of a prevert] He gave me a "look" and said, Oh yes, I remember SJ, she does tend to talk a lot when camping. Cue furious blushing.
posted
But Oobs, the pink bow was probably saucily endearing!
I seem to lurch from one embarrassing moment to the next. Every now and then, my brain will rather spitefully treat me to a replay, just when I think I've forgotten all about it.
A little while ago, I had to visit a project currently under construction. There I was, giving it the Big Un, poncing around in my hard hat and reflective jacket. My contact points out that the project architect is just arriving at the site. I look in the direction he indicates and I see a bulldozer driving along. "Oh!" I laugh "Is that his car then? Is he a bit obsessive about his job, perhaps? Maybe he has a sticker that says My Other Car Is A Cement Mixer!" Perhaps unsurprisingly, my contact looked at me blankly, completely unamused and said "No, he's the chap in the Audi." For shame.
Also, I still go red in the face when I remember the time someone I had just met told me that the most unusual thing he had ever eaten was hare soup. I responded with "What?! Human hair soup?!"
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posted
lol, that's pretty horrible. I had a bit of a nasty one this morning. I was riding the tube and this girl was looking at me, and as hungover and wretched as I felt, she seemed to be smiling at me, so I smiled back, and felt a bit lifted. Enter into work, and my team all look at me with slight dismay, but I've got these blood red eyes from the booze, so I just muttered something about a sleepless night and carried on working.
When I went to the toilet about an hour later, I realise that I have toothpaste all over my face. I mean, all over my chin, lips and cheeks. Dried, crusted, blue and white toothpaste.
It actually went beyond embarrasment into new territory, which was more of resignation that most people on my floor at work must now think that I'm insane. It's not something that I can explain or go 'whoops!' at. The fact that nobody said anything is the kicker. They must just assume that I've flipped.
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And, my most embarrasing moment. Well, I think that I've probably done many embarrasing things, but always managed to go with it, because chances are I was a bit merry. One that sticks in my memory was when I was pissing in a cup behind a girl at a festival and she turned round and started having a go, and her mates turned round, and I just had to stand there, pissing. That was pretty bad.
[ 24.11.2004, 09:03: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
posted
when i was 12 i wore a red bolero style top over a black vest over a dangerously unsupportive bra to a colfes disco. i was having it crazy large and assumed everyone in the room was watching me because even at 12 i had madd smartz on the flo'. it was shortly after the pointing started that a friend of mine patted me on the shoulder and said 'alice...' i had been frugging so furiously with my shoulders and arms, heads-down-here-we-go style, that both the bolero and the black vest had worked themselves over my (even then not inconsiderable) chesticular area and were bunched attractively over my collar bone. not only was most of my tits quite blatantly on show but one was on the verge of popping out.
it was something like autumn 1989 before i could leave the house in anything more than a scholastic capacity.
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All the time now, I'll stand around places and just talk to myself, and gesticulate and everything before I realise what I was doing. It's like I just drift off into a reverie and I have no control over the fact that I'll be talking out loud, or making the gestures for the conversations in my head. Then I'll suddenly snap out of it and be like "Argh! How embarrassing". I've seen a few other people do this but all of them had beards, were homeless, 50 years older than me and had pissed themselves.
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posted
All my clothing-embarrassment stories appear to be second hand.
My mum was once walking to the bus stop and realised an old couple from the corner bungalow were following her. They're a bit mad, obviously, she thought, madness is catching, better walk faster. After nearly causing their aged hearts to expire, they finally caught up with her and explained her skirt was totally caught up in her tights and showing her pants.
Another I read in a magazine where a woman had an old dressing gown with a hole under the armpit. One day she rushed to answer the doorbell after just leaving the shower, and grabbed it and pulled it on. She wondered why the milkman was behaving oddly and not looking at her properly, and then realised she had pulled it so tight, the hole was now at the front and was allowing a boob to poke cheekily through and sniff the morning air. I think I read that in "Blush With Bella" when I was babysitting one time, and stored it up as something that would probably happen to me one day.
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quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: All the time now, I'll stand around places and just talk to myself, and gesticulate and everything before I realise what I was doing. It's like I just drift off into a reverie and I have no control over the fact that I'll be talking out loud, or making the gestures for the conversations in my head. Then I'll suddenly snap out of it and be like "Argh! How embarrassing". I've seen a few other people do this but all of them had beards, were homeless, 50 years older than me and had pissed themselves.
I used to be really bad for this but I got one funny look too many one day and decided to sort my shit out. Now I make a concerted effort not to and reign myself in whenever I start drifting off. It still happens though if I'm drunk and got headphones on, the double-whammy effect there kind of cuts you off from reality and then it seem less mad to do it.
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posted
Nothing embarrassing has happened to me for ages! This is an astonishment.
Most embarrassing moment ever? Hahahaha! Inside I am cringing with shame. Only a select few bore witness and they never speak of it. To put it in context, earlier in the night I had been sitting half out the window of a second story flat going 'the trees are talking to me! They want me to join them!' and seriously contemplating pushing myself off the ledge, firm in the belief that I would float down into their tender embrace. Far, far too much spirit.
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posted
clothing embarrassment? being colour blind i now stick to things i definitely know are blue. i once bought purple jeans. purple ffs. i only noticed when i walked round to see my girlfriend of the time. and she pointed it out. cue much "i didn't fucking know. why would i buy purple?" i gave them to a "wierdie" student i was lvinf with.
other embarrasment? i remembered my time at credit card company last night to my roommate. and how after sharing a 2 litre bottle of vodka with 4 others, i was waving my hand in front of my face saying "i can't see" (i couldn't). before going to the staff party, and trying to bring the trainee manager back to a friends house so we could do druqs and fuck. it didn't work.
that and admitting i had a drink problem to the line manager that took over her position.
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Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
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Most embarrassing moment for this year started with me, off to a meeting, exiting house, noting gaggle of children-clasping mothers at corner of road. Me, suited, booted, smarter than a tin of smart paint. Briefcase into boot of vehicle, handbag onto passenger seat. Look at me! I am flash, I'm important, I'm off out on business.
Started the engine, revved it a bit, double checked location of people in road, accelerated hard, squealingly, out of drive.
Into wheelie bin.
Rubbish all over road. Our wheelie bin. Our embarrassing rubbish. How many empty bottles? How many dominos pizza boxes? Me, suited and booted, picking up nasty, nasty soggy rubbish, all well mixed with the emptyings of many ashtrays.
posted
Alcohol seems to be a prominant player in both of my finest moments.
First was in the staff canteen of ESOC, where I had started not 2 weeks before, got hammered on free beer then fell asleep drooling all over my managers shoulder.
Second, and by far the most cringeworthy was being chatted up by a girl in my local here in Amsterdam, being drunk and insecure as I was back then I could not understand why any woman would want to chat me up. My only drunken conclusion was that becuase of her deep voice was that she was in fact a man, and I had an eppy and accused her loudly of this. Very Loudly. And she isn't.
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If only I had children - I would be most excellent at embarrassing them. I often seem to wander around with my flies open, sing loudly on the street, and conduct conversations to myself, not knowing I'm overheard. But I care less and less, such is my rapid slide into senility.
As for recent embarrassing moments, I was recently in Dalston Sainsburys, looking for batteries. I spied an 'end of aisle' display, looking like a myriad batteries, and steered myself towards it. However, on closer inspection it turned out to be a display of camera film. Naturally, I made a large Thorn-style spaz-face, with tongue behind the lower lip. Sadly, right in front of me was a guy in a wheelchair, a victim of cerebral palsy. I had to hide in the janitorial products aisle for some time.
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quote:Originally posted by herbs: Naturally, I made a large Thorn-style spaz-face, with tongue behind the lower lip. Sadly, right in front of me was a guy in a wheelchair, a victim of cerebral palsy. I had to hide in the janitorial products aisle for some time.
I know that I shouldn't laugh, but.
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posted
Oh, no need for second hand. I have just noticed (at 14.56) that I have crusty egg yolk stains on my cuff and front. Jesus wept.
I also recall a time not so very long ago in Boots, when I realised my flies were undone, proper gaping all-the-way-down undone. The architect of Wimbledon Shopping Centre completely failed to include shadowy niches where people can dress themselves properly in the design.
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Neurotic Cat
My fortune cookie's empty... That's also the title of my autobiography.
posted
Not clothing related but still my most recent embarrassed moment...
Theres a girl at work whos been spending the last month reminding the department on a daily basis that it was her birthday soon and we were ALL going to have to be at her big night clubbing in central london.
Of course we all agreed at the time it was a fantastic idea and ooh wouldn't it be fun!
As the day drawers closer; there are whispers at the coffee machine, end of the month is approaching, very close to christmas, cant afford it, cant be bothered etc. People are dropping out of this do faster than rats off a sinking ship.
It soon becomes apparant that noone really wants to go and my own enthusiam has also faded fast. As each person cancels she becomes more and more fed up to the point of exclaiming crossly to me about someone who'd cried off over money 'well she's known long enough! she should have put money away for it!' (wtf these are work colleagues?)
Anyway being the coward that I am I left it longer and longer not telling her until its the night of the do. 3 people had already cancelled that day and she'd been pretty nasty about it. Off she goes at lunchtime to prepare calling over her shoulder 'see you tonight then!'.
I cringe at my own cowardlyness and text her later that evening to say 'oooh I'm at the cash point and i've reached my overdraft limit. All dressed up but cant get any money out! hope you have a nice time anyway see you monday?'
I thought that would do it. No problems. Off I go away for the weekend safe in the knowledge that the situation was sorted and my conscience only slightly stinging over the little white lie.
Turn up on Monday to an email.
'Hey hope you had a great weekend. Persuaded my mate to come pick you up on Friday, called at your house and your dad said you'd gone away for the weekend? Did you have a good time?'
Oh well....
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posted
The day when I attempted to build a wendy house for a friend ended in embarrasment. I accidentally superglued my hand to a piece of wood, and in trying to fling it off, I managed to get my trenchcoat caught in a ceiling fan, that flung me out of the window. I caught the sill, and dangled on the front of the house. I called to my wife Betty, to come and help me. Unfortunately, my trousers had become inexplicably caught on the window sill, and when Betty grabbed my wrist, I slipped from my foothold and twisted upside down in my trousers, so that my pants were on display. Amazingly, a party of nuns were passing beneath me, and they heard my shouts and appeared to be very offended.
Eventually, my trousers tore off, and I fell. Luckily, there was a scaffold about one storey beneath the window, and I landed on that, catapulting the man on the other end of the wonky beam into the air. He landed safely on some carboard boxes, but the bucket that got flung up with him landed onto my head, and got jammed.
They had to call a fire crew to come and rescue me, as I couldn't see the ladder well enough to climb down. Very humiliating.
[ 24.11.2004, 10:13: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
posted
Made a right peen-arse out of myself in Snappy Snaps the other day. The girl I used to check out on shopping excursions comes forward to serve me. I just stare blanky ‘Er, yeah…....hi could I have two black and whites developed please?’
What would you like?’ asks she.
‘Uh….I dunno…..what do you think?
She looks surprised. She thinks for a bit.
‘I’d do ‘em Matt’
‘Yeah….yeah matt is good’
‘That’ll be £23.98’ she says. *wrapwrapwrapscribble*
I hand her a tenner, a look away, pretending to be interested in some frames.
‘Sorry, they are £11.99 each’
‘O! I thought you said they were £6.99 each’
‘Well…..that still wouldn’t be enough would it?’ she says smiling.
posted
The Neurotic Cat one above has reminded me of an embarrassing moment which lasted about 12 hours, maybe more.
Some people may remember a regular tabloid newspaper scheme (which they may still run, I don't know) where you'd cut out a couple of tokens and then send them off and get a cross Channel ferry ticket for a quid or something. A large group of us in the place where I worked thought this was an excellent idea for a day out and agreed a date and each scrounged the tokens together one way or another. We got the tickets and started planning for a top quality booze run, over to Calais, lunch and booze in French cafe, more booze, go to big shop to buy more booze, get back on boat and have more booze.
On the day of the trip... me... and... one other bloke... turned... up. And I didn't even know him other than in passing. We should have just gone, "Bastards, eh? Oh well, I'm off back home, ticket was only a quid! Cheers mate, see yer." But, I don't know why, we just sort of soldiered on and set off on an endless day of travelling and being polite to each other. I mean, he was alright as it happens (God, what if he'd been a complete twat?) but even then it was uncomfortable because there was just two of us. You can't do drunken pranks when there's only one other person. You can't make leery comments about passersby when you don't even know the bloke you're sitting with. I seem to remember that we both pretended to fall fast asleep as soon as we got back on the ferry, instead of getting top seats in the bar and partying all the way back to Dover like you're supposed to.
Yeah, that was a bit of a failure, all things considered.
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turbo
Gold..... What is it good for? You can't eat it, you can't smoke it, yet everybody wants it.
posted
My most embarassing moment of recent times was one that I couldn't actually control. That sounds like I wet myself, I'll explain. I was having a motorbike driving lesson and I had left my bag at my instructor's house, which was also the driving school. When I was driving home afterwards I got a text message from a male friend of mine, telling me off for my language and suggesting 8 pm that evening. I didn't have a clue what he was on about, so I phoned him and he said he was just reacting to my text message. When I asked him when the supposed message was sent, it was bang in the middle of my driving lesson. The realisation dawned on me that my instructor had two kids who were in the house with my bag. I asked him what the text said - "I want to fuck you" was the response. He laughed, I laughed, end of story.
Or so I thought. It occurred to me to check the list of sent messages and it turned out they had sent the message to every male person in my address book. Including my colleagues and my boss. I spent every subsequent day explaining myself over & over again and to this day, whenever I'm walking around the office holding a phone my colleagues will make a joke about it.
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My boss once found me quite drunk in a night club earlier this year and decided to drive me home. I dont think he realised quite how drunk I was because during the 5 minute drive I managed to throw up all over his car. I was so drunk I didnt remember until late the next day. It was hard to live that one down.
posted
Hey, I hear you Benway. I have trouble dealing with wood in general ever since that time I needed one plank of wood to complete a floor but then got into scrapes galore when transporting said lumber from timber yard to building site. As you can imagine, I spent an entire day injuring and obstructing various window cleaners up ladders and workmen carrying sheets of glass. Also, for some odd reason, I encountered a huge tower of cardboard boxes. Needless to say, all were met with disastrous consequences. Boy, that was an embarrassing day!
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posted
My most embarassing moment in recent memory came whn I passed an enjoyable evening at the dog racing in Wimbledon with a couple of friends, only problem was I took rather too mucb advantage of the bar at the racetrack, not to mention a pub we went to afterwards, long story short I ended up getting on the wrong bus, and wound up running, totally lost and drunk as a skunk through south London asking random people if I was going the right way for Clapham Junction? After a good hour and a half of aimless running, I wound up on a fellow TMOites doorstep at 2am, ringing the bell, and rambling drunkenly to a sleepy just-been-woken-up TMOite that I'd got lost and I was very sorry and could I crash for the night? Even now my face burns with shame at the thought... Posts: 2337
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posted
My most embarrasing moment ever was when I was about 9 and my insides still go all scrinchy when I think about it. At my Junior School there was going to be a barn dance and we were told to dress up for it. So my Mum and I go round all the fancy dress shops looking for a costume to wear. Finally we found a long black and white checkered skirt and a blouse. And by long I mean kinda flared and ankle length. Still, I didn't know any different and thought I was the bees knees. Until I arrived to find all the other girls looking cute as buttons in little denim type cowgirl outfits. They laughed at me and my cheeks burnt red and I still can't escape the feeling today. I'm pretty sure that's why Michael Roukinakiss stopped talking to me
Actually, that's pretty similar to my second most embarrassing story which happened when I went to my schools "ball" when I was 16. I spent all my allowance on a proper full length embroidered bodiced black velvet Laura Ashley ball dress and elbow length black satin evening gloves. To arrive to find everyone in Miss Selfridge little black dresses. They laughed but I knew I looked hot. In the fifties. Since then I've adopted "looking different" as my style. Means I save on shame for when I do really embarrassing things.
posted
when i was small i couldnt pull my tights up properly, so my mum used to make me wear my knickers over my tights to keep my tights up. tell me im not the only one. anyway, only being five, i had not got to grips with the concept of the school timetable yet, and on day got to school, fully pants-over-tights'ed up, to find out it was games. which we had to do in our vest and pants. cue disco standing in the corner all head bowed with shame because she had to pretend to be a tree in her vest, tights and pants, because removing the tights would have necessitated showing everyone her bottom and noonie. can i make this story any cuter? bear in mind that at the age of five i wore little pink dame edna-style national health glasses. also, i think the tights were probably red. i was very into red tights in 1980.
quote:Originally posted by discodamage: when i was small i couldnt pull my tights up properly, so my mum used to make me wear my knickers over my tights to keep my tights up. tell me im not the only one.
YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE! We also did this, although it was our Dad I remember dressing us at this age / stage so it must have been when Mum was in hospital having the other sister which would make me 4 and a half. And the year 1978. Blimey. Do you think it was Wonder Woman / Superman influenced?
quote:Originally posted by discodamage: tell me im not the only one.
I did this of my own free will at 15! We were all wearing super-thick tights then and I think I borrowed some of my mum's which had been washed once too often - or rather, should have been thrown out, I'm all in favour of washing tights - and were v baggy. The only way to stop myself looking like a teenage Norah Batty was to wear knickers on top to keep them up. But ordinary knickers didn't do the job, only gym knickers would suffice. Did anyone else have these? Matching gym knickers were to be worn underneath pleated bottle green gym skirts, and were reinforced by ultra-elastication. And educationalists wonder why girls go off sports in their teens. Anyway, I don't remember how, but this information got out and was publicly verified (boy lifts skirt, cue hilarity). I 'spect I switched to wearing trousers shortly afterwards.
Another short-lived and more exclusive fashion (ie I copied Sharon Timperley, whose ambition was to marry David Sylvian) was to make skirts out of children's bedroom curtain material. I was on the bus one day, dead proud of my Willo the Wisp skirt, complete with Evil Edna:
and a group of younger kids got on a coupla stops later, shortly followed by a bloke wearing a pair of trousers covered in screen-printed Smarties, which totally cracked them up. He saw my skirt as he went past, and grinned knowing that my humiliation would be worse than his. Sure enough, they were rolling around the floor when I got off - wish it had occurred to me then to just stay on the bloody bus, even if it did mean ending up on the other side of town.
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posted
i thought it was dance lesson so i got into my cycle shorts with tiny pubsecent bulge. later found out the rest of the class were all in normal clothes watching a video. three of us had to run past them all to get to the changing rooms :/
posted
I too used to wear pants over my tights! I think it was in the days before lycra, when leggings used to go baggy at the knee.
Fashion failed me this morning. Or, rather, I failed fashion. In a rush I put on two shoes, and left the house. It was only when at the bus stop, looking down to inspect the contents of the gutter, that I realised I had two odd shoes on. ie one of one pair and one of another. Kryste.
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posted
embarrassing tight moment: a few years ago i flew across the country for a spur-of-the-moment interview. the company was keen to fill the position asap. i was keen to work for the company. i threw a clothing into my carry-on and off i went. prepared to dazzle with my industry knowledge and professional mannerism. morning of interview i am going for the 'zone'. meditate. shower. get dressed...pull on tights. they seemed rather snug. and short. but i managed to wiggle into them. shrug. off to interview. smile smile, looking swanky in navy skirt suit with heels up to 'there'. cept... the tights seemed to be slowly crawling down towards my knees as the VP of company led me from room to room in a 'company tour'. each step i felt the tights slid a bit more. we entered a conference room. i smiled even larger, shook hands and slid as quickly as possible into a chair. i could barely concentrate on interview questions as i knew the next time i stood up the tights would be between my ankles and i would fall off my 3' heels. (in hindsite i must have seemed like a loon) the interviewer was called out of the room. i took my chance - stood, squirmed out of the tights (which were then around my knees) and sat back down. i now had the offensive things in my hand -no suit pockets- and a dilema. do i throw them in the waste basket? no time to decide. i shoved them inside my portfolio as the interviewer returned. i sat thru the rest of the interview flushed, antsy, and overcompensating with my already large smile - scared shiteless someone would ask for something in my portfolio and out would fall a pair tights like a bribe or offering. safely back in my hotel room with a drink in my hand, i stared at the evil tights. then noticed. they were in a childrens size. i had packed my daughters tights by mistake Posts: 1203
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posted
I once did a whole tube journey without noticing that I had yesterdays knickers poking out the bottom of one of my trouser legs.
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