posted
So, you EVIL bunch of miscreants! What sin have either you, or, better still, your work colleagues comitted today?
Or what habits does one of your colleagues have that you think should be a sin?
Let the Vengance commence!
Mine would be All Women who "tutt"
One of my work mates, will tutt, at anything that is not to her delight. If you hand her a coffee that is not EXACTLY as she wants it that day, (it changes daily), she "Tutts" followed by a huge SIGH , then she will correct your obvious attack on her well-being by adjusting the offending drink. I have tried not making a drink, but the onslaught that follows for the rest of the week, is worse than the Tutt. i have always made the drink in exactly the same way, so was thinking that by the law of averages, I should have made it right at least once in hte last year.
[ 26.01.2005, 15:02: Message edited by: Good Fairy ]
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posted
There's literally no-one left in my office to have impure thoughts about since Sammy left. It's now totally barren - not even someone who might scrub up OK if they sorted their hair out or anything. There was word going round of a hot temp on the third floor, so I went up to check it - sorry, *her* - out, and I have to say I was gravely disappointed. A very plain blonde girl of about 20. She did have a nice coat, and I'd probably stick it to her if I was drunk but certainly not worth going out of your way for; barely even worth the trip up to the third floor.
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posted
I have been thieving from the stationery cupboard since I've worked here.
I have also coveted my neighbouring colleague's huge stapler, although it clearly has DO NOT REMOVE FROM ROOM XXXX tipexed onto it, meaning it would have to be rebranded after being thieved.
I have impure thoughts about the Spanish PhD student who only comes into college every couple of months. The impureness stretched to checking his CV and wondering if "marital status- single" really means single or just unmarried. This kind of gayness is sinning against myself, and I can only apologise, dear forum.
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posted
This is one of the bad things about working in a very small office. There's just me, my 62 year old MD who looks like a fat Andre Previn and the secretary. Nobody to lust after, nobody to have a bit of a flirt with and certainly no nonsense at the Christmas party. My sin at work would be using the internet for non-work purposes I guess. Other than that, I'm extraordinarily well behaved.
Something that should be made a sin though is my boss's habit of hitting the desk with the flat of his hand and saying "Answer - ......" during every single telephone conversation he has. I think he thinks it makes him sound very positive and in control and "I will have NO argument about this!!" ish. Plus, plus right, his other fucking annoying habit of not ever saying "Can I have a cup of tea please?" but beating about the bush in all manner of ways with things like "Is the kettle on?" "Oooh, awfully dry in here today" etc etc.
Actually, the more I think of it, the more things there are about him that are or should be "sinful". I could fill pages! I think I'm just beginning to realise how much I h9 him.
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Octavia
I hate Valentine's Day. Stupid commercialised crap
posted
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: The impureness stretched to checking his CV and wondering if "marital status- single" really means single or just unmarried.
Perhaps his advertising his marital status is a quiet and subtle come-on? I mean no-one puts 'single' on their CV any more, shurely?
I also thieve stationery (and stationary) items. So that I have never in my life purchased a biro, and haven't bought a file or a pad of paper since 1992.
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Neurotic Cat
My fortune cookie's empty... That's also the title of my autobiography.
posted
The most sinful thing in my office is my work colleagues are complete gluttons.
Daily trips are made to the chocolate/crisp machine. If someone goes to Tescos at lunchtime cakes or doughnuts will be bought and shared round.
Its really nice and everything but I am trying to avoid becoming a big fat heiffer and only get moaned at if I wont join in and stuff myself until I vomit - like they all do!
Also I had murderous thoughts this morning, about one of the IT department who really is a B.F.H. - we have a buzzer which buzzes every 5 minutes between 8 and 9 cos the receptionist isnt in. We all trudge to the other end of the office to let people in but she (sat at the desk next to the buzzer) just sits there whilst the buzzer sounds out.
Its just like 'GET UP OFF YOUR FAT A$$ AND OPEN THE DOOR FOR A CHANGE'!!!
Grrr
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posted
I work in probably the most cosmopolitan office imaginable - within just 20 people or so we have Brits, Dutch, an Italian, a Russian, A Greek, a Portuguese chap, A frenchman, some spaniards, a couple of Mexicans and more. This bringing together of Nationalities from foreign climbs ensures there are a lot of single chaps in the department, and when on monday a young Spanish lady joined the team temporarily, you couldn't move for the lust - it was not unlike a scene from a prison movie where the celibate inmates, frustrated through years of masterbation and lonliness are allowed their imagination a break when genuine female flesh enters fleetingly. These normally uncouth and dishevelled reprobates have suddenly transformed into overtly polite gentlemen, stopping just short of standing as the young lady takes her seat, which proves a task in itself having to step over the tongues which now adorn the floor. The not-so single among us just seem to look on in bemusement at this comedic spectacle before us, and the senorita at the centre of this inundated attention, well her performance under bemusement seems quite commendable if you ask me.
posted
its still a bit early in the day for a run down on my sins, I dont take the tube to work anymore, I am what is known as a tube bastard. I did once break a Versacé chaisé longue when i was working at harrods, I was cleaning the door of a display cabinet and as i bent down to do the bottom half my tail bone (fat arse) caught the top corner of the back rest and snapped the wood. I blamed it on a customers child (not actually your kid did this, but as an explanation to my manager of why the said chaisé longue was broken) I did feel guilty... but not much, and I feel alot better having unburdened myself to the confessional priest of TMO, thanks.
Astromariner
Going the right way for a smacked bottom
posted
I once drank someone else's Heinz Cream of Tomato Soup that seemed to have been sitting next to the communal microwave for, like, months. I began to assume that they mustn't have wanted it, or maybe they'd died or something. So one grim, hungover morning I lurched into the kitchen to make some medicinal tea, and whilst I was waiting for the kettle to boil, I spied the soup. Somehow it seemed like just the thing to make me feel better: I drank it cold from the can and then quickly disposed of the evidence. I later discovered that it wasn't the same tin that had been there all that time: my unwitting victim liked Heinz Cream of Tomato soup so much that they bought a tin every day for their afternoon snack, and always left it in the same place in the kitchen. I still feel a bit guilty about that.
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quote:Originally posted by Tom Boy: I did once break a Versacé chaisé longue when i was working at harrods, I was cleaning the door of a display cabinet and as i bent down to do the bottom half my tail bone (fat arse) caught the top corner of the back rest and snapped the wood.
Either you have one hell of a ginormous arse, or Versace make their chaise longue out of matchsticks then!!
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posted
To stop my grandma grumbling about her corns all the time I helped her by taping her to the hot water pipes in the attic and telling everyone that she had "gone away". You should've heard the racket though when we ran the bath.
posted
i am not at work yet but when i am i can pretty much garantee that i will hide in the disabled loo and eat a smoked salmon sandwich that has not yet reached its date of disposal. maybe also a small plastic container of cashew nuts and a banana cake. the sandwich is okay, because they dont count them, but the nuts and the cake count as stealing stock. i have to stop doing this because if i eat one packet of nuts per shift that will average out at a mighty 20 packets of nuts a month, which will probably at some point be noticed by the powers that be. and if that happens they will chop my legs off and feed them to the rats who live in the stage side bays, whilst i watch agape. or something.
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posted
Versacé furniture is all seriously over priced shit, that and it looks so fucking kitch smashing it up is all its good for. While on the subject of designer furniture (not that its likley) but please anyone who may have ever entertained the idea of buying any 'Armani Casa' furniture please dont unless you are overly enamoured of MDF and Ronseal paint and grain, this also is shit and (not surprisingly) massivley over priced.
posted
If it wasn't for a regular dose of Lust and thinking evil thoughts about committing physical violence on the more irritating members of the department I'm not sure how I'd make it through the day to be honest. I'm about to go and get a chinese from the van on the market, pork satay with egg fried rice [b]and[b] a bag of spring rolls too, so I guess you can add gluttony to the list of today's sins.
As for things that should be a sin, being a two faced, back-stabbing, bullying gossip-monger like a certain member of our office should undoubtedly be a sin, her presence alone almost justifies my malevolent thoughts, since the majority are about her, the evil bitch.
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posted
I can do ex-places of employment though cant I!
When I worked in a big hotel we used to have 'cocktail parties' behind the bar on quiet nights, then blamed all the missing stock on Robin the night porter. Though he cast suspicion upon himself by serving the manager and a group of visiting hotel managers half pints of brandy one night...
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posted
I stole shit loads of fags when I worked at the co-op. Hid them in my socks and pants*. I also nicked loads of sweets, and when I worked on the meat counter, I would stuff my mouth with honey roast ham all day. Then I'd sell booze to kids for a kickback, and go and have a wank in the toilets. It was ok though, because I caught the boss and 2nd in command in a clinch in the alcohol store, and they seemed to get off my case after that. And it was me who set fire to the microwave, trying to melt some butter whilst it was still in the foil wrapper.
I also smacked the shit out of a temp whilst I was at the accountancy firm. He came in to help me transfer information between two databases, and one day I followed him into the toilet. When he had finished pissing, I grabbed him round the neck and forced him into the cubicle, kicked him to the floor and smashed his teeth in on the toilet bowl. I then pissed on his broken, bleeding mouth. I felt pretty bad about that, but it turns out that nobody else really liked him, so my boss was cool with it, and we just got a new temp.
*I have a feeling that I was talking about this with a forumite only recently, but I don't know who it was or in what kind of context this came up. I was probably drunk, so sorry if that's you.
[ 31.01.2005, 08:02: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
posted
When I was working for an art shop, I told the part-timer that one of the requests I made upon taking a management role was to never make the tea and that it was written into my contract that I would never have to.
It was months before he just turned around and said 'hang on, you don't have that written in your contract. You're fucking winding me up!' and I had to make them after that, to make up for the abuse of power. I mean, it took months for the penny to drop. Poor Fraizer.
posted
i committed the sin of not updating the itinerary to let my colleagues know where i was this morning. as a result, when i got into the office i saw this email:
quote: -----Original Message----- From: pisswad Sent: 31 January 2005 10:44 To: Marketing; Sales Subject: Itinerary
Can I please ask you all (once again!) to make sure you fill in your itinerary every week and keep it updated if your plans should change, either through Sue or doing it yourself. I'm sorry to name names but as an example, the itinerary shows Omikin in the office today when he isn't. If there was a fire the fire marshall would need to spend wasted time looking for him + car parking spaces for visitors are in short supply so his space could have been allocated.
In future, on a Monday morning, I should like to be able to see everyone's details filled in so that if I decide to call a meeting I know exactly who can attend and who can't.
Thanks for your help in this.
knobshiner
has anyone else been on the receiving end of such a pissy email of late?
"i'm sorry to name names..." indeed.
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quote:Originally posted by omikin: has anyone else been on the receiving end of such a pissy email of late?
Yeah, I get that sort of thing quite a lot. Last year I took to working from home on Thursdays. As I worked pretty much alone at all times I just put an Out Of Office Reply thing on my email saying, "I will be out of the office on Thurday the whatever of whatever. My mobile number is whatever. Regards, Dang." And then I'd work from home. After a few months of doing this I started getting emails from my line manager (who I only see about twice a year) asking exactly where I actually was when I was "out of the office". I just said, "Working at home. Is that OK?" and he came back with a load of rules and regs along the lines of the Fire Marshall/parking space/terrorist attack/tsunami scenario mentioned above. I just ignored it thinking he must be writing such complete nonsense as part of his performance targets or something, but apparently he was serious and I've had to stop working from home now. Which is a pity as that was where I did most of my actual work as I don't have an internet connection at home to distract me, or twats talking loudly about their bland weekends.
I was a manager once, for about a year, and I could never keep a straight face if I had to tell anyone off. I'd usually take them for a pint and say, "Look, I'll get right in the shit if you keep not doing any work, at all so, er, try and do some work occasionally." The direct approach see. I wasn't a manager for long. Too far ahead of my time I suppose.
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posted
i am smoking a joint right now this very minute. if I get to unpacking anytime soon it may be a dark rum and coke too if I can find the bottle of old rum I bought for 90 rupees. is that a sin? I just had to crowbar my way into my flat which took an hour and a half while I listened to my cats playing with all three of my new keys which were inside on the floor.
When I go back to work tomorrow I will doubtless commit many sins, including lustful thoughts about my boss and / or my new best work friend who looks like scarlett johannsson (sp). yes, really! Also I will direct murderous thoughts towards the publications manager and spend then entire day reading / writing emails and gossiping with my boss and new best friend about my holiday.
quote:Originally posted by omikin: has anyone else been on the receiving end of such a pissy email of late?
Not in email form, but in mouthwords from a lumpen gorrilla who informed me that the Research Group noticeboard was a disgraceful Fire Hazard.
Oh, naughty Vogon, tacking petrol-soaked rags to the board and strewing the corridor with dry grass and matches, I hear you tut.
The crime was: some leaflets were dangling BELOW the board, and some were tacked up with only one (1) drawing pin. As we all know, paper becomes inflammable when attached to a board with a pin at each corner.
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One of my jobs is 10 days a month filling in for an editor on maternity leave. The deputy is now acting (up) editor. He is much younger than me, and about a zillionth as experienced. Emailed comments include telling me off for doing grammatical changes (making it correct), for getting in after 9am, and for any slight display of wanting to fulfill the job description for which I was employed. Grr.
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quote:Originally posted by omikin: i committed the sin of not updating the itinerary to let my colleagues know where i was this morning. as a result....
....I have decided to post on TMO all day rather than doing any work!
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quote:Originally posted by omikin: i committed the sin of not updating the itinerary to let my colleagues know where i was this morning. as a result....
....I have decided to post on TMO all day rather than doing any work!
Are you Omikin's boss?
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